Some of my most intense friendship breakups are with people who heavily relied on me for emotional support and vice versa. For example, I had a friend who would literally flake on me all the time, but if shit hit the fan, she’d actually call me up to go over her issues with her husband, her family etc. In another instance, I reconnected with an old high school friend, but it went from fun nostalgia to her trauma dumping her issues about her mother, her student loans, her perception of social interaction with strangers on the internet, etc.. Thinking this was acceptable, I’d bring up some issues I had, but she could not really stand to hear out my problems. At a certain point, I realized that turning my friends into a crisis hotline wasn’t ok even if they did it to me, and so I went to see a therapist who could actually listen to my problems and help me through them. Its taken me years to understand why these friendships did not last.

My new rule for friendships moving forward is that I can’t be someone’s go to telehealth therapist when they’re in crisis mode. Of course, it’s good to share with friends and vent/talk about any issues or celebrations in their life, but it can easily turn into unhealthy emotional enmeshment really fast where boundaries are crossed. They never end well.

Anyone else feel this way? Shit gets complicated real fast if you open yourself up to being always available.

Went on a trip about 5 months with a friend I’ve always gone on trips with. It’s always been an unspoken rule to just split the costs on these trips. Well, came back from a trip, sent her my expenses and she claimed that we were even without even doing her calculations for her expenses. Told her I’d feel more comfortable that she’d do her expenses so we can confirm whether it was even. She said ok. Months have passed and she has not done her part. I brought it up to her when we hung out and she continued to say we were even and that trip was an experience. I reiterated that she should do her expenses since she doesn’t know for sure. What should I do? I’ve taken a step back from the friendship because how she’s handling it is rubbing me the wrong way.

I have a friend who ALWAYS makes it known that she knows more than me, and it’s starting to really get on my nerves.

No matter what we’re talking about, if she happens to know something about the topic, she has to make sure I know that she knew it first or has known about it longer. Recently, she got me into K-pop, and whenever we talk about it, she’ll say things like “oh I knew that,” “that happened XYZ years ago, I remember,” or “I was like 12 when that happened.” It’s always something that reminds me that she’s been into it longer than me or knew something before I did.

And she does this with almost EVERYTHING, not just K-pop. If I mention something and she happens to know about it, she’ll immediately point out that she already knew it or has known about it for years.

It honestly feels like she turns everything into a competition about who knows more, and it’s getting really annoying because it happens almost every single time we talk about something she has knowledge about.
The thing is, we’ve already had a conversation about her gatekeeping K-pop before. She said she would calm down, and she has definitely gotten more subtle about it, but now I feel like she’s doing the exact same thing in a way that’s harder to call out.

I feel like if I bring it up again, she’ll get mad or make me feel like I’m overreacting because technically she’s not saying anything directly rude. But when it happens constantly, it starts to feel very intentional.
Am I overthinking this, or is this actually a weird behavior? And what would you even call this?

My friend never tells me any of her beauty secrets, and honestly, I find it a little strange because we’re actually quite close. We met in our first year of university and hang out a lot after class.

She has amazing straight, shiny, and very thick hair, so I once asked her what she did to keep it looking so good. She said, “Oh, this is my natural hair. I never straighten it or use a blow dryer.”

One time, I went to her house for a game night and had a little chat with her mom in the kitchen. Her mom also had gorgeous hair, so I casually said, “You both have great hair genetics!”

Her mom then told me that her daughter had done keratin treatments and nanoplasty because she used to have frizzy, heat-damaged hair from straightening a lot in high school. 😭

She also mentioned that both of them regularly apply hair oil to help with hair growth and strength. That surprised me even more because my friend had always told me she doesn’t really do anything to her hair and that it was simply naturally like that.

What makes it feel worse is that she often asks me about my makeup, hair and skincare products, and I’m always completely honest with her. I’ll tell her exactly what I use and even send her photos of the products without thinking twice.

There was another time when she wore a perfume that smelled AMAZING, so naturally I asked her what perfume she was wearing. She just said, “Oh, a bit of everything.” She never told me the name or even what perfumes she had layered.

After that, I basically stopped asking her about her beauty secrets because I realised she probably just doesn’t want to share them.

I completely understand that nobody is obligated to share their routines or secrets, and she’s obviously entitled to keep things private. But I do find it unfair when someone asks me for all the details about my products while being so secretive about theirs.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had a friend like this, who keeps all their beauty secrets to themselves even though you’re quite close?

We are both 29 & were best friends from high school until about 24 when she moved away. Even after she moved, we visited each other, and even though it wasn’t a lot, when we did get together it felt like we had never been apart. We went an entire year without talking (other than holiday texts) and she still invited me to her birthday party. At this party, I met her (now) husband. And even though we didn’t talk for a year at that point, she still introduced me as of one of her best friends. So I assumed we had the kind of friendship where you don’t have to talk/see each other often to remain close. Last year she got engaged and invited me to her engagement party. She also told me she was moving back to our hometown, and made it clear she was excited to be near me. But for some reason, when she moved back, things just seemed off (she wasn’t actively trying to make plans)- but I assumed she was busy. Then, I saw on Instagram that she had a bachelorette party, clearly I wasn’t invited, which hurt. She invited me over a week after, but I wasn’t able to go. We were catching up and she mentioned she was getting married in a “family” ceremony. So I knew then I wasn’t invited to the wedding. She didn’t say anything else about it, and she changed the topic right away. I can’t get over feeling hurt by not being invited. I would understand if it was a small, family only wedding, but I saw the pictures and it wasn’t… It’s just odd to me that she would text me/invite me over, does she not expect my feelings to be hurt? And yes, I know her wedding is not about me, and I should probably just let the friendship go since it’s clear she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do. But I also miss her and would love to just get together and talk, but I don’t want to reach out and seem desperate.

Okay so for context I went to this party , and I am naturally an introvert and socially anxious so normally I prepare myself for the worst,

but this time I knew there would be one of my friends , you could say we're friends on class , and so I thought I would be okay cause also I invited her to my birthday party which isn't going to be all that I like having a chill time with the people I actually like.

So back to the party, I get there and I feel kinda awkward cause my parents just won't go away like any other parent but I didn't mind that so much, and after a short while My friend arrives too .

My parents go and I start talking with my friend and she also tells me that she has to update me on some guy and she tells me she will tell me later BUT that never happens and she starts moving away with her other friend and I follow them for the first few times, but then I decided to not follow them cause I felt like I was following them around like a dog, and my friend never came back to me and I was alone so I decided to follow them anyway.

So the party bus arrives ( yes that where we "partied") and I follow them to sit close cause I don't wanna be alone YOU KNOW but then they get up to dance and for the whole night I don't think we talked much I was basically by myself trying not to make anyone uncomfortable with my loner vibes I guess.

I tried sparking up a conversation asking her to talk to me about that guy she told me earlier but she always said "oh yeah I have to tell you that " BUT SHE NEVER DID !!!!!!

I felt like I was desperate for her to tell me about it. So the night goes on a few classmates come chat for like 2 min and then they go to their respectful groups and at this point I just gave up and just chilled while everyone was having fun. Then my friend at some point goes away with her other friend and doesn't even say a word to me !!!!

This is so weird cause on text she's like the sweetest she told me " oh you're so funny I wish you opened up more with the class" and shit like this but irl she's dry as hell and I am tired.

Someone tell me, is it childish to want someone to be with you throughout the night and in general cause I feel like I'm following them around I just want someone I can be with without feeling like I'm bothering them.

Hi everyone, I’m a single mom with a 10-year-old daughter. Life hasn’t always been smooth, and I’ve been through my own challenges. Lately, I’ve been looking for ways to make positive changes, meet new people, and build authentic friendships. I look forward to hearing from like-minded people and making genuine connections

Sorry if this does not fit guidelines

Disclaimer; English is not my first language so sorry if its difficult to understand or my writing is bad
And sorry for long rant :)

I (F19)have been a real bad friend recently and it's eating me alive.
3 years ago I became friends with a girl through school. Through those 3 years we've grown our friend group to around 6 people.

Backstory kinda:
Now, I've always tried to be nice, but sometimes it is a bit difficult.
This friend is someone who is really nice most of the time, but she has her moments where I just can't believe someone would think or act that way. Alot of these things are really small, and would not be a problem every noe and then (and none of us care if anyone else in the group does it), but when she does it so often we kinda start keeping score, and it just becomes more annoying.

This could be small things, like purposely leaving her book in the locker because "ofcourse I can just borrow your book" (ofc I would let her do it if she just forgot, and its not a big deal, but just the fact that she felt entitled to it became very annoying), or always having to be the best/worst at something. She was aleays either "so fucking ugly, noone likes me, They all think bad of me" or "everyone actually loves me, I'm really good at this, im super pretty". We took and IQ-test once and she was visibly disappointed that she was average (like most people). I think she was very insecure, which is obviously not a crime, but it became very annoying when everything felt like a competition of who had it the best/worst, even if that was not her goal.

But she is also a very thin girl, and she models. Because of this she often talked about her apperance, like, how she wants a bigger butt but cant because of her job, or that her boobs look good but theyre too big for her job. She also talked alot about food. She was not necessarily a healthy person, but she still had comments about other peoples food and food in general. One example is when I was gonna buy something from the store, a processed flatbread type thing, she just went "omg theres so much sugar in that" and even when I told her I dont care, she just kept insisting theres sooo much sugar (which there is but it was so unnecessary). And she had a lot weird comments, like how she would never go on birth control because she could gain weight - she told this to teo in our groups who had struggled alot eith their relationship with food and their body AND who used/had used birth control. I dont know if she knew that they were struggling but the comments were weird regardless..

She also insisted that she had this sarcastic humor that people just didnt understand, but to us it just seemed mean. When a new girl joined our class and friend group around a year ago, she began testing the waters with what she could joke about, and said weird things like "youre ugly" and "we're not friends" as jokes, but obvi its pretty hurtful. And when I tried to stand up to her, and tell her taht this was obviously hurting our friend and she was telling her to stop, she just said that "i know when shes jokingly telling me to stop, and when she means it, and i would stop if she meant it" even though she obvi meant it, she was just too scared to be more insisting.

Sorry long rant lol

But recently, we have tried taking some distance from her, but I've bern struggling cause I really do feel bad for her. She is really nice when she is nice but its just too much at times. And we never reallyyyy told her how we feel because its usually small things that would feel unecessary to bring up, or things that are too old, and she dorsnt take it too well. She always says that "you have to tell me if im being annoying/mean/selfish" but when we tell her she just tells us not to get involved or that we just cant take a joke.

So, a few months ago, she invited us to a breakfast at her house before we went out (it was our national day), and at that breakfast she learned that we were all invited to our other friends boyfriends house in the evening, except for her. This is because he didnt like her (bc he knew all the things i just mentioned and more), and the last time she was at a party at his house she just complained about being bored and wanting to go out and party.

When she learned this she got understandably sad, and didnt speak to that friend the rest of the school year, except for when she burst when they were working on a project together and she didnt work bc "im gonna do it soon i just have alot on my mind" (which she did, but the work still had to be done, and she got mad when they started on her part of the work bc now it was too difficult for her to start. They got it done at the end tho), and they were tired so she got mad and suddenly went on a rant about that day with the breakfast and ehat shitty of a boyfriend our friend had. We were all very uncomfortable and most of us sided with our other friend bc we were tired if this girl.

Then summer came, and a different friend got invited on a weekend trip by her friends, and asked all of us (except for this girl) if we eanted to go. Two of us went (including the girl with the boyfriend, now ex.) but I was idiot enough to post tiktoks and photos and she realised she was not invited.
I told her a few bad excuses as to why she was not invited, like there had been tension recently, but it was not a good excuse bc she was not the only one involved. I felt really really bad afterwards, and havent managed to get rid of this feeling that im a bad friend. I even told her that I still wanted to invite her to things but that Im not gonna police what the others are gonna do.

Now, everytime I see her face or name, i get this almost anxious feeling. I feel so shitty, bc i only get reminded of the good times, and i downplay the shitty things, but at the same time i kinda remember how done i was with this girl everytime she did something.

Now, in a few days, im going to my boyfriends friends birthday party. The invite is a facebook group, which i know she has not joined, but i also know she doesnt use it much so she COULD be invited through snap (since most of my group is invited, but also the ex that didnt invite her that day with the breakfast is also invited so he might have made them not invite her..)

Im just terrified. I feel like a shitty friend, but i dont wanna meet her. I dont wanna talk to her. I dont have anxiety but i think this is the closest ive been to the feeling. If she shows up, i dont have any good arguments bc i know it was mean to not invite her, and i understand how increadibly bad it feels, especially when she didnt know she did anything bad (bc it was impossible to tell her bc we are pussies), so i know we were the bad guys. But i dont wanna talk about it, especially at the party, bc it ruins it for everyone, and i know i say alot of stupid things when drunk.... and if we had just told her before how annoyed we were and what we really thought, she would atleast know, but we made ourselves into the bad guys...

Idrk what im asking, but I just dont know how to feel, what to do, or anything really. I think of myself as a nice person, and i really try to do whats best everytime, so i feel like ive really disappointed myself, and been a real bad friend. This is literally keeping me awake at night, and almost giving me nightmares so it would be nice to just know what other people think, instead of drowning in my own thoughts.

let me preface by saying that i don’t want to have some explosive argument or a fiery crash and burn type of confrontation. if possible, i want to slowly stop talking to her and hanging out with her.

me (23f) and someone i used to consider my best friend (22f) have been going through a rough patch, let’s call her annie. we are very similar in some ways, but very different in others. for example, we are both creative and love the same genres of books, but i am more introverted and comfortable with being by myself, whereas she is more extroverted. i take comfort in stability, whereas she is more spontaneous. i don’t mind only having a couple of close friends, whereas she has a habit of trying to make everyone like her. there are times where it has been a great quality of hers, where she goes out of her way to help her friends, but it also leads to issues where she bottles up transgressions and doesn’t speak of it unless someone else brings up something she did that upset them.

even though we’ve only known each other for a few years, we’ve been through a lot together. she was there for me when i found out my first ever boyfriend cheated on me. she cheered me on when i was trying out dating again. i was there for her and helped her realize the relationship she used to be in was coercive and abusive, and was there for her when she went to confront him and end things.

the biggest flaw in our relationship is that we are both avoidant of conflict. i will admit that i often overthink things and turn things over in my head before i even decide to say something that could potentially change the dynamics. i like to choose my battles, and most of the time, i decide it’s just not enough for me to say something, so i typically throw it to the back of my mind in the off chance that it’s a pattern of behavior. in the past, this has turned into one of our other friends having to mediate, but i hate that someone else has to get involved when it’s between us. we had a big fight nearly a year ago where i brought up not feeling considered (i.e. not being invited or included with the rest of our friends to hang out), and it turned into annie retaliating with all of the times where she felt like i hadn’t considered her feelings. something i remember very specifically is that she kept telling me i wasn’t perfect and that i had also fucked up (i never claimed that i was perfect).

i understand that she is perfectly within her right to bring up if something has hurt her, but it’s the timing that bothers me. the only times we have butted heads were because i decided that it was a battle worth fighting, and by the time it’s over, i’m the one apologizing. i apologize for hurting her, even though it’s incredibly difficult because i’m so upset that i feel like my wrongdoings are used as a distraction, but i apologize. annie did not apologize in the argument a year ago, and i did not feel like asking for an apology, since it wouldn’t mean much if i had to ask for one.

a bit ago we had our second big blowup, which was essentially the same fight we had nearly a year ago. we had kept trying to make plans but they kept falling through. the last straw was when annie asked to push back our hangout since she had to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend (they moved in at their 5 month mark, which is another issue), which ticked me off. why did she -have- to go grocery shopping with him? he’s a grown man, he can do it himself. so i asked her if he had to have her there, and annie responded in a passive aggressive way with “i’m not going to make him do it all by himself lol”, which ticked me off further, since i had made sure to do all of my weekend chores done before meeting her and i had moved plans around to make sure i could see her. i was also annoyed because i had been supposed to meet her the week before, but she then realized after that her boyfriend was throwing a party so she couldn’t do that day anymore. (there is also a pattern of her double booking herself and then ending up disappointing someone)

i responded by telling her that i didn’t want to see her anymore that day because my feelings were hurt, and that i felt like my time wasn’t being considered. i told her that this had happened on more than one occasion, so if something in our relationship had changed where she didn’t want to see me as often, that was okay, but she needed to say something. she then responded by accusing me of being inconsiderate and that i was at fault for our plans never being carried through. she accused me of always being on the fence when we were coming up with plans, then sent screenshots with red circles she had drawn of instances where i had said i would follow up but then didn’t. it was a bitter pill to swallow, but she was right that i hadn’t been following up, so i apologized. i apologized and acknowledged that me not following up hurt both of us, and that we could both do better. i also explained that part of the reason i ended up not getting back to her was because i was trying to make sure i could commit before promising something, but i ended up forgetting to get back to her. i then suggested ways that we could prevent this from happening again and told her that if she wanted to try, then i would too.

her response was still very combative. an exact line she said was “i’ll drop this since i don’t want to argue anymore” and “i wasn’t going to say anything about this until you tried to accuse me of being a bad friend” and said that my reaction was way out of proportion for her just asking to push back plans, and that the previous reasons she had cancelled were unavoidable. (like are we being serious… she didn’t have to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend) i just gave up at that point because i knew that anything i said would fall on deaf ears. she also did not apologize.

now, i’m at the point where i’m tired of her and feeling like i can’t come to her if she’s upset me or hurt me. i don’t want to be friends with someone that can’t take responsibility for hurting people. i don’t want to be friends with someone that catastrophizes criticism and takes it as an insult to their entire person. the only issue is that we have a lot of mutual friends, and i’m worried that they will feel like they have to choose. no, we didn’t have a big confrontation where one of us said we didn’t want to be friends anymore, but people will start to ask why i’m not at certain functions anymore.

what do i do? how do i navigate slowly stopping being friends with her? it’s like after this argument, she was demoted from best friend to an acquaintance in my head. how do i make friends post grad?

Hey so, I apologize in advance, this is pretty raw and fresh for me and mom exhaustion makes it hard to remember every knitty gritty detail.

I have been best friends with my bestie for 6+ years. In that whole entire time, we have never argued. Not once. We have always been able to have conversations and dialogue the very few random times we disagreed.

I just had a baby 10 weeks ago now. It was traumatic, an emergency c section. I am still reeling emotionally from it. I felt the entire surgery because I had a failed epidural and spinal block and no doctor would listen to me to knock me out.

My best friend lives three hours away. She and I don’t see each other in person often, although throughout my pregnancy I was the one making the trek down there to see her a few times. We usually communicate over text, and used to FaceTime, which is rare now since she is engaged to her new fiancé.

She had shared with me around the time I found out I was pregnant that they are also trying to get pregnant with what would be her second baby. They have not been successful thus far. I did try to hold space for whatever feelings she may have had pertaining to her own fertility while also being so excited to share in these moments with my best friend. She was not able to make it to my baby shower and did not come to the hospital when I had the baby/when I was freshly postpartum.

Fast forward to this past weekend, we had finally had the stars align for her to be able to come up to see me. I was so excited to see her and have her meet my daughter! I was also excited to spend some quality time with her and feel even the slightest bit like my old self / my old life. She truly does bring me so much joy and I love being around her. A few days before the trip, she texts me to ask if it would be okay if she makes it a “couples getaway” for her and her fiance as well as coming to see me. At first I thought nothing of it because usually her fiance tags along anyway so I say of course. They chose to stay in a hotel, which is understandable considering I have a newborn. I was able to have my friend book their hotel through her employer discount. I also recognize that my best friend and her fiance are going through financial troubles and she asked me to help her with gas, but I went ahead and assisted with some of the cost of the hotel instead.

So they arrive Saturday, we spend a little bit walking around an outdoor shopping area and then all go to their hotel to get them checked in. We also eat dinner at said hotel as my friend who booked the room works there as a server. I repeatedly ask what the plans are for this evening, as I’d assumed we’d be spending as much time together as possible given they are really only here for an evening. Well, long story short, she chooses to stay back at the hotel with her fiance rather than spend time with me on her one night in town. It was really hurtful, especially since we had talked so much about what my first night going out postpartum might look like, and we, or at least I thought, were both so excited since we’d traditionally had so much fun together. I text her that I am hurt by this, she responds with a very generic therapy based response basically saying she’s “sorry I feel that way.” I express to her that things feel off, and then I also express to her that I felt it was slightly inconsiderate of her to plan this with me and then spring the couples thing on me last minute, only to not spend a large chunk of her time here with me. She does not reply that night.

Sunday morning comes, still no reply. I have her location, and can see that they are in an area of town that we had all talked about going to together. I text her trying to initiate plans, nothing. At this point, I’m feeling really hurt. I text and ask her for the money I spent on the hotel as I felt it wasn’t really fair for me to pay for her and her fiancé’s couples getaway hotel room. She sends me the money, so I then realize she is seeing my texts. I send one final text asking if we are going to resolve this before she leaves town. She responds and tells me that I’ve got my money, and to have a nice life. When I respond back to her, I then realize I am blocked. I am immediately distraught and confused and I message her fiance. He tells me I “went off the deep end” because she didn’t want to spend time with me the previous night and didn’t want to “hang around people she didn’t know” (I had some other friends she had asked about meeting prior who were going to try and make it out to meet us) and that by messaging them both I am being manipulative and controlling. I am appalled at this point and in tears. As of writing this, I am still blocked.

I truly don’t understand how we arrived at this point. 6+ years of friendship gone in an instant. I communicated how I felt. I have always tried to acknowledge her and how she may be feeling. I just need some others opinions and insight on this. TIA.

I’m 28 years old and I haven’t made a new friend in 10 years. Now, that would be okay if I felt like I had strong friendships but I feel like the more time passes, the more my “friendships” feel like they’re fading away. I haven’t spent time with a friend in 3 years and I feel like I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I don’t even know how to make new friends anymore? When I meet a new person, I can be friendly and interact, but I feel disconnected and like I’m incapable of considering them as a potential friend, even if we get along. I kind of dissociate from the interactions completely. It’s like my brain doesn’t even register “friendship” anymore or how to make friends. But I want friends and community so bad, does anyone else feel like this?

I just turned 25.There was a period where I was really depressed, like really bad. I didn't want anyone touching me, I didn't want to talk, I basically cut off everyone around me.

My friend noticed something was off though, and she showed up at my place to take care of me. She did my laundry, brought me water, just sat there with me without asking a single question. One morning I got out of the shower and saw that she'd stuck a label on the clean t-shirt I left by the door. It was printed by the Niimbot and said "do not touch - fragile." I didn't say anything, just put the shirt on. Later I peeled that label off and kept it. It feels like something I never got to say out loud, tbh.

Another time, I was completely crushed by stress and just silently crying in the middle of the night. I sent her one random short message, no explanation, no context. And not long after, she showed up at my door with hot drinks and snacks. She didn't ask what was wrong, just sat there with me quietly, handed me tissues, and waited for me to calm down.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here... I just love her so much and I'm so grateful for her, fr.

I’m struggling to stand by my childhood best friend of 20+ years as we’re on very different pages life-wise.

We’re in our mid-twenties. She has grown up in a very devout Christian community. I am not personally religious; however, I’ve spoken with a priest who I know, and they shared that the church my friend is a part of is known for its extremist interpretation of Christian teachings.

My friend got married a few years ago (she was in her early twenties; her husband was mid-twenties at the time), and their wedding day can only be described as intense. All the vows were quite misogynistic, stating she had to submit under her husband “as if he were god” which, selfishly, I didn’t feel comfortable with. But that’s her church, and she got married in a traditional service as that was the wish of her family. She and her husband do have quite a healthy relationship from what I can gather from knowing them both. But it isn’t a relationship I would personally choose for myself - marrying someone who preaches at a church which states that women should submit to their husband as if he were a divine being doesn’t sit right with me.

She’s started working within the church, and since she’s become more heavily involved, her previously liberal opinions have shifted. Notably, her church’s stance on LGBTQ+ people isn’t great and implores people to suppress their incorrect “urges”. She upholds this belief, and it’s made me anxious to invite her to parties, etc., with my wider friendship group as so many of my friends are LGBTQ+. Knowing she doesn’t agree with their existence, despite her playing nice in person, doesn’t sit right with me. She’s not the type to preach her beliefs unless prompted/she’s at church, but I know she’s judging people for their sexuality.

She recently found out she’s pregnant and is having a baby girl. This means so much to her, and I’m celebrating this milestone she’s wanted since we were kids. But the support she expects from me is something I’m not prepared to give. She asks for outrageous favours, like asking me to drive a 120-mile round trip to collect furniture at a few hours’ notice, without offering to pay for petrol. I said no, but she wasn’t happy. The favour requests are always backed up with “but I’m pregnant!” which doesn’t sway me. She constantly talks about the unreliability of her body and how she needs support… I am physically disabled, and I too have an unreliable body, so I can’t commit to doing a 120-mile drive as that doesn’t work for me physically. It’s as if she’s conveniently forgotten this.

I’m standing my ground and have made my boundaries clear. Thankfully, she’s not asked for anything for a little while now, so hopefully, my stance has gotten across. But now I don’t hear from her unless she wants something or is talking about pregnancy. She never messages to check in with our friendship group. She monopolises conversations in our friendship group to constantly talk about pregnancy. I get it’s a big part of her life; however, other people in the group have big life things happening too.

The favour requests are things I can turn down and deal with. However, I’m struggling to stand by her as a friend due to our moral differences. I don’t want to lose her, however, because it’s a friendship which has meant so much to me for 20+ years, and I also don’t want to make things awkward for the wider friend group. Also, selfishly, with the baby on the way, I’m kind of angry at the shift this is going to cause in our friendship group. We’re only in our mid-twenties, and it feels like she’s trying to shift the vibe of our group. It’s as if because she’s pregnant, it therefore means we all need to change. Of course, there will be changes in the group with the addition of a baby, and I don’t resent that, but it’s like she expects us all to raise this baby as if it was our own. She expects a village, but can’t be bothered to be a villager. I’ve called her out for this but it falls on deaf ears.

Babies and pregnancy are quite a sensitive topic in our friend group. One friend had an abortion after accidental conception about 5 years ago, and it really impacts her mental health still. The friend who had the abortion hasn’t directly told the religious friend because she knows that our friend’s faith disagrees with abortion. She wouldn’t be able to separate her religious belief from being compassionate towards her friend. So it’s a conversation which, in some ways, is easier unsaid. But the constant pregnancy talk is getting to the other friend, unfortunately.

So overall, I’m essentially waiting for something to happen which can cut me loose from the friendship. It’s bad to say that, but I genuinely can’t be bothered to confront it in some ways because when I have historically, she always plays the pregnancy card, and she stops the conversation. If something were to happen where I’d have grounds to cease the friendship, I’d genuinely prefer that. I’m not afraid of confrontation, but in this scenario, it just feels easier.

Is it bad I just want it to just fizzle out after 20+ years of friendship?

Hello guyss... I am 18F from India.

Recently someone very close to me, left me and i am feeling extremely exhausted and heartbroken.

Hope i get some friends with whom i can share some moments of laughter and friendship and get over this hardship of life.

I will be waiting in the DM

Thank you

We are both 18 I got into a state college she wanted to come too but unfortunately she didn’t pass the exam(matura) and had to wait for the second term.she didn’t pass pass this time but the law college didnt accept any more students
So she took economics she had today the exam for acceptance
She tells me she didn’t know what to do some questions she just guessed
She works also in market but isn’t really study smart nor street today she had called me to show which way is the college.
I told her she should take it more seriously and not complain that economics isn’t what she wanted to study.
She tells me not to intervene in her choices getting mad that I got mad about her non serious behavior towards it
My sister tells me that in college I should try to make more friends with same school capability as me because dealing with some girls like this can be exhausting
(I’m not saying she’s a bad friend but sometimes she drives me mad with her lack of knowledge)

Let me start with context right out of the gate. My friend is wonderful. Truly. I've known her for 4 years now and we're extremely close. We talk every day and she usually speaks to me with respect and honesty. However, something I've noticed more and more is that when she becomes frustrated, she uses a slow, aggravated kind of tone - the kind that people use to make others feel stupid. I say I don't understand something, and suddenly she's spacing and drawing out her words. "Why.... Are.... You.... Are.... Not.... Getting.... This...."

She's older than me and she's been officially diagnosed as autistic and has told me in the past that she gets frustrated when things don't go the way she pictures them.

A little bit about me. I definitely think that I'm smart. I've got my masters in education, finished writing my first book this year, have academic honors, help work on political democratic-socialist campaigns to try and make life better for others, and love to help anyone whenever and however I can. But I also know that I tend to process things more slowly than others. Writing helps me make sense of everything. I have auditory processing issues, so sometimes I need to hear things twice to put the words into place. I definitely suspect that I'm somewhere on the spectrum as well, though I'm not officially diagnosed, though really I don't even think that's necessarily important to this scenario entirely. Because of this, I tend to give grace to others because I know how hard it can be for myself to not get things the first or second time around.

As stated before, I've got a teaching background. I tend to explain things in ways people will understand and am patient with helping them get there.

My family has consistently made fun of me for this for years, oftentimes calling me "naive" or "ditsy" or speak slowly at me. It's something I talk about a lot in therapy. I've had to really work on my confidence because of it, and it's taken a long time to embrace my own intelligence. It's one of the worst triggers for me. I'm talked down to and I want to curl up into a ball and hide away.

This week has been especially difficult because I'm staying with my friend for a few days. We've lived together before and may do it again, but she recently got a new apartment and she's just set it up the way she likes it, and I've found that I really can't do much without being patronized. A few examples;

• I forgot to wring out the floor towels she uses while showering. She got really short with me and said, "we don't do this, this is wrong" before fixing it herself and going through the steps slowly with me, making almost direct eye contact the whole time. I said, "thank you for explaining. I'll know for next time."
• I didn't close the shower door correctly (it accordions) and she said "I already told you how to do this!" I apologized and said, "I'll try to get it right next time".
• Just one week ago, we were on vacation and had to get through a car gate. I had to ask the hotel to open it over the phone. Her car was halfway through the gate and I didn't noticed, because I was still on the phone. I had the hotel staff in one ear, her voice in the other. It took me until I hung up to realize she was yelling at me. I don't remember the specifics, but it was something like, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS." "YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL I WAS THROUGH THE GATE. WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT?" "I KNOW YOU WERE ON THE PHONE BUT YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME" "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU" (I will say, with this one, I completely shut down. Nearly burst into tears. I very softly said, "I'm sorry, thank you for explaining it to me." She stopped the car again and immediately apologized. It hasn't happened again.)
• I offered to wash two dishes. She said, "we have a dishwasher, you don't have to." I told her I was fine washing two dishes. She sounded so angry when she said, "Don't."

I'm scared to make mistakes around her, now. She's been extra stressed for some reason and on vacation, she I'm the only one she's with.

I want to make it clear, again, that 98% of the time she is wonderful. This is one of the only things that drives me up the wall. This isn't me asking how to leave the friendship or whether or not I should be moving out or away. It's really just this one behavior.

What I want to do is to explain to her how it makes me feel. I'm so non-confrontational, and I'm honestly afraid of what she'll say. I especially don't know how/when to bring it up.

Maybe I've just been an a**hole this whole time who can't stop messing things up and is truly not understanding, and in that case I get her frustration and need to become less sensitive. I'm really not sure at this point.

Not positive, either, if the smart thing to do is to ask reddit, but I feel as though I need unbiased perspectives.

Thank you!

I met her 3 months ago and we started chatting right away. I really didn’t realize she only wanted to be friends at the start. After 2 weeks of talking I asked her out since I really liked her. She answered that we can meet but she wants me to know that she is only on a friend basis since she just had a break up and is not ready for anything. I accepted that even thought it was hard and we kept chatting for a week and we met her with my friends that time. All of a sudden she ghosted me for 2 weeks. I found out she was texting with my friend who she met when we were hanging out and that hurt like someone shot u. Then my friend ghosted her and no one heard from her for 2 weeks. Then there was a big outdoor event where I was drinking and I saw her there. She texted me if me and my friends (not the guy she was talking to) wanted to hang out with her and her friend. We were with them and we started talking again. I asked her if she talked to my friend and she said yes but she only wanted to be friends with him (my friend told me they had a talking stage but maybe she is just hard to understand). Now we have been friend again for a while and we have hung out 5 times. I must admit that I still have feeling for her but I can’t say it since she is now friends with every single one of my friends. Now today she has ghosted me and im worried of losing her completely again. What should I do? (Sorry for my bad english)

so its been 24+ hours and before that too i had to double text for her to reply, and we talked a little but since then its been completely quiet even when i sent multiple texts, reels and even a goodnight msg, the whole time she has been active on another platform, now after 24 hours i have messaged again and asked if everything is okay. I am so scared that what if she just ghosts me like that, what do i even do atp

About a year ago I was part of an online friendgroup that meant everything to me, it was some of the most important people in my life but I had to leave due to getting disrespected, disrespected and gaslighted.

Before I left barely anyone would take my side after I did leave some people defended me but it was already too late.

The problem is that I miss them a lot, even the two people who are specifically the reason I’m not going back (at least until they apologize, which they wont do most likely).

But because of this I cannot bring myself to speak even with the ones I am still on good terms with especially because the few I kept in contact with obviously prioritize the other group.

How do I even approach this? I don’t want people to think I’m just fine with what happened and I certainly don’t want to crawl back because then it basically implies that what they did wasn’t wrong (also I’m not going back for my own good).

There’s people I miss but I just cannot bring myself to message.

There’s even one of the two people that led to me leaving who’s been interacting with my social media posts very “casually”.
Started commenting and liking posts as nothing happened.

Like I’m taking this as them implying that things are good between us and despite that not being true on my side I just cannot bring myself to go against that.
I’m very angry at them because they kept gaslighting me while knowing I have issues in trusting my own memory and how I have been taken advantage of a lot because of this in the past and how I hate being made to look “insane”.

But I still miss them even if what they did was wrong also because I’m not faultless.
I want them to apologize to me so I can finally forgive them and go back, not for personal gratification but I know I’m never getting that.
(Also because the other person did apologize but it was more like “I’m apologizing to make myself feel better and you’re insane and delusional btw”).

I genuenly don’t know what to do.

Writing it here to tell this to somebody cause I clearly can't talk about it to any of our friends if you have any advice I'd like to read them. It's my first time posting something on Reddit so I hope I've chosen the right place and also sorry if there's any mistakes as English isn't my first language.
It happened around 2 months ago and we were both 17 at the time. Overall we've been friends since elementary school and last 4 years our relationship was really close a lot of people shipped us but for me it was always just a strong friendship. Besides he has a lot of female friends and not really close with guys. There was a moment 3 years ago when I thought that he might have some feelings for me but turns out that he hadn't at least as far as I know. I also don't have any romantic feelings, I actually had relationships that didn't work out because of long distance but I'm still in contact with that boy and we have some feelings between us, which make this situation with my friend even more strange. But we are really close, cuddles are normal for us or long goodbye hugs for example at some point I've thought that it's too much but eventually it became normal.
Kiss accident happened when we had a sleepover at my place. We were a bit drunk and I think that's a main reason why it happened but still "drunk words are sober thoughts" as people say. We were drinking at first place because we needed to talk about some issues as our friendship is not the best lately because of long distance and some other stuff and I know that it's not the best way to communicate but an only available at the moment. So I told about what was bothering me and he started to apologise, we both cried a bit and then there were long hugs. I don't remember the exact moment and how the hell it happened but we kissed. It wasn't like we were making out but there were a few more kisses which were accompanied by words like "what are we even doing". We stopped and everything kinda went back to normal. We hadn't really talked about it except that we shouldn't tell anyone about it. Maybe that's the reason of my overthinking and we should just talk but remembering it now fells weird. The thing is that this situation didn't really affect our friendship, nothing changed for us so maybe there is no point in talking. Also I don't think about it much just sometimes I want to discuss this with someone and hear opinions. But still, situation happened and it wasn't really normal I guess. I want to be sure that there is no romantic feelings and why did we do that.
But also is it normal to be that close with boy best friend if we both are comfortable with that?
P.S I don't put much in kisses, like it's not such a big deal so it we just kissed okay I guess but I want to know if something stands behind it and if it is than what.

So for context my best friend was super excited to tell me she's dating this girl she met over the summer while I was away. I've never met this chick so I don't have a personal opinion about her, but I feel conflicted because I don't really like that she's dating someone? I don't know why I'm being like this, what should I do? What's wrong with me?? (Also before anyone says "oh it's cause you're in love with her", I'm aroace, so that's probably not the case.) Anyways thank you in advance

I just always choose the wrong people and I don’t know why. I honestly feel so frustrated and embarrassed. I end up with people who can’t take accountability for their behavior, aren’t socially adjusted, and always somehow have 100 problems to tell me every day. Some of these friends are extremely rude to servers and one friend lost her job because of anger issues. I feel more drained than energized by all of my friendships. I also have been feeling very burned out and depressed lately and they never ask me how I’m doing, all they do is rant about themselves. I feel like I don’t take care of myself enough. I’ve also never had a boyfriend before or dated at all probably because I keep draining myself all the time.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to make better long-term friendships and how to spot red flags early on as well. Also what I might be doing wrong because I keep ending up with people that ultimately drain me.

some of my oldest friends and i can go months without talking fr, but when we finally meet, it still feels normal like to time gaps. part of me finds that comforting, but another part wonders how long a friendship can survive on memories. how often do you need to talk before someone still feels like a close friend?? just asking because im the friend that barely have extra time and mostly tired

Hello! This is my first time posting so apologies if I do something wrong. So for context, I have a friend group of around 7 people and we’ve been close for the past 4 years. I was really close to everyone but especially the two currently dating each other.

About 7 months ago, i found out that my two friends in said friend group had a secret relationship for around 2 months and that they told a couple other people. I thought that once they felt more comfortable in their relationship they would tell me as I was really close to them. Fast forward to now, they have told almost everyone in the friend group except me.

We still have a similar very close dynamic, like nothing changed, but I’m starting to hold resentment towards them as they can’t even trust me with the knowledge of their relationship.

I want to cut them out but I don’t want to cause any issues for the rest of the friend group, even if several of them have had issues with these two (not getting into that).

What do I do? Do I keep waiting for them to tell me or do I confront them and ask what’s happening?