i became friends with her last year because i let her sit with my group at lunch during the first week of school and ive always been polite and friendly to her but i dont over do it (i dont want to be fake). shes started to annoy me so much both irl and through text but i cant just tell her i dont like her because that would be mean. she texts me often and ive been responding dry for awhile because im tryna hint that i dont like texting her without hurting her feelings. she mistakes my dryness as me trying to be nonchalant so she keeps on texting a lot. ive said many times that "i dont really like texting" but she still complains all the time. i literally dont understand why she texts me so much and i think its really obvious i dont like texting or talking to her. shes been wasting her time on me and i genuinely dont know how to cut her off. today i sent her "im genuinely not trying to be 'nonchalant'. u always complain abt me being dry but ive said so many times i dont like texting."

i recently hosted a birthday party and my best friends were sending all the pictures we took, except all the selfies they took im not in any of them. While there were like 15 people there, my main group consists of 5 of us, 1 boy and 4 girls (me included). We all sat around the couch but since there was no space for me, i just sat on the floor across the table from them. I had heard them calling our guy friend in to their selfie, but not me, so i called it out like “hello why am i not invited” jokingly while somewhat seriously. So they told me to join, but why do i have to ask?? Like sorry to make things about me but after all it is literally MY birthday party… and again them sending the pictures in, they took multiple selfies without me like yea sure its convenient that they are seated together but im like 3 feet away from them and wouldn’t have minded getting up if they had asked. I brought it up the next morning and they all kinda got annoyed at me for being a little upset or joking about it when this isn’t the first time i have brought up that they often leave me out of photos often bringing up i do get fomo. Their excuses were that i was pissing them off and that it wasn’t true because they took alot of pictures OF me, but im more upset that they didn’t think to include me in the photos with THEM. But am I actually just being too sensitive bc it’s been driving me crazy all day??

so its been 24+ hours and before that too i had to double text for her to reply, and we talked a little but since then its been completely quiet even when i sent multiple texts, reels and even a goodnight msg, the whole time she has been active on another platform, now after 24 hours i have messaged again and asked if everything is okay. I am so scared that what if she just ghosts me like that, what do i even do atp

let me preface by saying that i don’t want to have some explosive argument or a fiery crash and burn type of confrontation. if possible, i want to slowly stop talking to her and hanging out with her.

me (23f) and someone i used to consider my best friend (22f) have been going through a rough patch, let’s call her annie. we are very similar in some ways, but very different in others. for example, we are both creative and love the same genres of books, but i am more introverted and comfortable with being by myself, whereas she is more extroverted. i take comfort in stability, whereas she is more spontaneous. i don’t mind only having a couple of close friends, whereas she has a habit of trying to make everyone like her. there are times where it has been a great quality of hers, where she goes out of her way to help her friends, but it also leads to issues where she bottles up transgressions and doesn’t speak of it unless someone else brings up something she did that upset them.

even though we’ve only known each other for a few years, we’ve been through a lot together. she was there for me when i found out my first ever boyfriend cheated on me. she cheered me on when i was trying out dating again. i was there for her and helped her realize the relationship she used to be in was coercive and abusive, and was there for her when she went to confront him and end things.

the biggest flaw in our relationship is that we are both avoidant of conflict. i will admit that i often overthink things and turn things over in my head before i even decide to say something that could potentially change the dynamics. i like to choose my battles, and most of the time, i decide it’s just not enough for me to say something, so i typically throw it to the back of my mind in the off chance that it’s a pattern of behavior. in the past, this has turned into one of our other friends having to mediate, but i hate that someone else has to get involved when it’s between us. we had a big fight nearly a year ago where i brought up not feeling considered (i.e. not being invited or included with the rest of our friends to hang out), and it turned into annie retaliating with all of the times where she felt like i hadn’t considered her feelings. something i remember very specifically is that she kept telling me i wasn’t perfect and that i had also fucked up (i never claimed that i was perfect).

i understand that she is perfectly within her right to bring up if something has hurt her, but it’s the timing that bothers me. the only times we have butted heads were because i decided that it was a battle worth fighting, and by the time it’s over, i’m the one apologizing. i apologize for hurting her, even though it’s incredibly difficult because i’m so upset that i feel like my wrongdoings are used as a distraction, but i apologize. annie did not apologize in the argument a year ago, and i did not feel like asking for an apology, since it wouldn’t mean much if i had to ask for one.

a bit ago we had our second big blowup, which was essentially the same fight we had nearly a year ago. we had kept trying to make plans but they kept falling through. the last straw was when annie asked to push back our hangout since she had to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend (they moved in at their 5 month mark, which is another issue), which ticked me off. why did she -have- to go grocery shopping with him? he’s a grown man, he can do it himself. so i asked her if he had to have her there, and annie responded in a passive aggressive way with “i’m not going to make him do it all by himself lol”, which ticked me off further, since i had made sure to do all of my weekend chores done before meeting her and i had moved plans around to make sure i could see her. i was also annoyed because i had been supposed to meet her the week before, but she then realized after that her boyfriend was throwing a party so she couldn’t do that day anymore. (there is also a pattern of her double booking herself and then ending up disappointing someone)

i responded by telling her that i didn’t want to see her anymore that day because my feelings were hurt, and that i felt like my time wasn’t being considered. i told her that this had happened on more than one occasion, so if something in our relationship had changed where she didn’t want to see me as often, that was okay, but she needed to say something. she then responded by accusing me of being inconsiderate and that i was at fault for our plans never being carried through. she accused me of always being on the fence when we were coming up with plans, then sent screenshots with red circles she had drawn of instances where i had said i would follow up but then didn’t. it was a bitter pill to swallow, but she was right that i hadn’t been following up, so i apologized. i apologized and acknowledged that me not following up hurt both of us, and that we could both do better. i also explained that part of the reason i ended up not getting back to her was because i was trying to make sure i could commit before promising something, but i ended up forgetting to get back to her. i then suggested ways that we could prevent this from happening again and told her that if she wanted to try, then i would too.

her response was still very combative. an exact line she said was “i’ll drop this since i don’t want to argue anymore” and “i wasn’t going to say anything about this until you tried to accuse me of being a bad friend” and said that my reaction was way out of proportion for her just asking to push back plans, and that the previous reasons she had cancelled were unavoidable. (like are we being serious… she didn’t have to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend) i just gave up at that point because i knew that anything i said would fall on deaf ears. she also did not apologize.

now, i’m at the point where i’m tired of her and feeling like i can’t come to her if she’s upset me or hurt me. i don’t want to be friends with someone that can’t take responsibility for hurting people. i don’t want to be friends with someone that catastrophizes criticism and takes it as an insult to their entire person. the only issue is that we have a lot of mutual friends, and i’m worried that they will feel like they have to choose. no, we didn’t have a big confrontation where one of us said we didn’t want to be friends anymore, but people will start to ask why i’m not at certain functions anymore.

what do i do? how do i navigate slowly stopping being friends with her? it’s like after this argument, she was demoted from best friend to an acquaintance in my head. how do i make friends post grad?

Hey! I’m just looking to meet some new people and hopefully make a few genuine friends. I like staying active, checking out new places, trying different food, and finding good coffee spots. I’m also always up for random conversations about pretty much anything. If you’re also looking for new friends, feel free to say hi.

So my friends birthy is in about a month and tbh, our friendship wasnt really strong bc of me in the past few months. Especially bc of that, i really wann get her something for her birthday. I just dont know what.

I know that she likes Hello Kitty and at first i thought of like a big plushie but the only ones out there are like 30cm. And i bet she has a few of them so I dont think thats an option (atleast not a good one).

Then i was thinking of maybe like a LEGO red or pink rose building set but theres a few problem:

1. I dont even know if she likes lego

2. Idk if shes a rose kind of girl

3. Idk if she prefers red or pink

4. I can afford them (they are 60€) but i wont have much money left and idk if 60€ is too much when considering our current relationship

The missing infos arent a that big of a problem because i think i can find them out pretty easily.

I tried checking her reposts on tiktok to see if theres anything that could help me but the best i saw were a few spiderman videos that she reposted so the reposts didnt help either.

I think i dont need any product recommendations but rather just tips on how to find out what she likes and what comes into option.

Thanks already<3

I have this new friend I really like and that I hang out with almost every weekend. We really like going out together, but I'm really wanting to start talking to him more cause I'm genuinely missing him when I don't see him during the week, but weirdly we don't have a habit of texting each other stuff out of like "where we're going? when do you arrive?" and I really miss the texting part. I know I should start texting him more, cause he would probably like it, but I'm so ashamed lol. I came here to get some tips on how to do it - even tho I know damn well the answer.

A friend of mine who I’ve known for around two years is leaving in five months, and I’m considering gifting a hand written letter. Thing is, I don’t know how well it’ll be received and I don’t want them to get the wrong idea either. The only reason I worry is because even though there’s never been any interest from either of us, other people seemed to think that for a bit, which caused a bit of a rift between us for a little less than a month. Everything is fine now and they’re an important part of my life. I just don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea because I want to express my appreciation for their friendship. Is it still okay to write the letter, or should I just forget about it?

Just curious if it's a shitty thing to do or if it's valid because he ghosted me?

Some of my most intense friendship breakups are with people who heavily relied on me for emotional support and vice versa. For example, I had a friend who would literally flake on me all the time, but if shit hit the fan, she’d actually call me up to go over her issues with her husband, her family etc. In another instance, I reconnected with an old high school friend, but it went from fun nostalgia to her trauma dumping her issues about her mother, her student loans, her perception of social interaction with strangers on the internet, etc.. Thinking this was acceptable, I’d bring up some issues I had, but she could not really stand to hear out my problems. At a certain point, I realized that turning my friends into a crisis hotline wasn’t ok even if they did it to me, and so I went to see a therapist who could actually listen to my problems and help me through them. Its taken me years to understand why these friendships did not last.

My new rule for friendships moving forward is that I can’t be someone’s go to telehealth therapist when they’re in crisis mode. Of course, it’s good to share with friends and vent/talk about any issues or celebrations in their life, but it can easily turn into unhealthy emotional enmeshment really fast where boundaries are crossed. They never end well.

Anyone else feel this way? Shit gets complicated real fast if you open yourself up to being always available.

I just turned 25.There was a period where I was really depressed, like really bad. I didn't want anyone touching me, I didn't want to talk, I basically cut off everyone around me.

My friend noticed something was off though, and she showed up at my place to take care of me. She did my laundry, brought me water, just sat there with me without asking a single question. One morning I got out of the shower and saw that she'd stuck a label on the clean t-shirt I left by the door. It was printed by the Niimbot and said "do not touch - fragile." I didn't say anything, just put the shirt on. Later I peeled that label off and kept it. It feels like something I never got to say out loud, tbh.

Another time, I was completely crushed by stress and just silently crying in the middle of the night. I sent her one random short message, no explanation, no context. And not long after, she showed up at my door with hot drinks and snacks. She didn't ask what was wrong, just sat there with me quietly, handed me tissues, and waited for me to calm down.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here... I just love her so much and I'm so grateful for her, fr.

I’m 28 years old and I haven’t made a new friend in 10 years. Now, that would be okay if I felt like I had strong friendships but I feel like the more time passes, the more my “friendships” feel like they’re fading away. I haven’t spent time with a friend in 3 years and I feel like I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I don’t even know how to make new friends anymore? When I meet a new person, I can be friendly and interact, but I feel disconnected and like I’m incapable of considering them as a potential friend, even if we get along. I kind of dissociate from the interactions completely. It’s like my brain doesn’t even register “friendship” anymore or how to make friends. But I want friends and community so bad, does anyone else feel like this?

Hello! This is my first time posting so apologies if I do something wrong. So for context, I have a friend group of around 7 people and we’ve been close for the past 4 years. I was really close to everyone but especially the two currently dating each other.

About 7 months ago, i found out that my two friends in said friend group had a secret relationship for around 2 months and that they told a couple other people. I thought that once they felt more comfortable in their relationship they would tell me as I was really close to them. Fast forward to now, they have told almost everyone in the friend group except me.

We still have a similar very close dynamic, like nothing changed, but I’m starting to hold resentment towards them as they can’t even trust me with the knowledge of their relationship.

I want to cut them out but I don’t want to cause any issues for the rest of the friend group, even if several of them have had issues with these two (not getting into that).

What do I do? Do I keep waiting for them to tell me or do I confront them and ask what’s happening?

I’m struggling to stand by my childhood best friend of 20+ years as we’re on very different pages life-wise.

We’re in our mid-twenties. She has grown up in a very devout Christian community. I am not personally religious; however, I’ve spoken with a priest who I know, and they shared that the church my friend is a part of is known for its extremist interpretation of Christian teachings.

My friend got married a few years ago (she was in her early twenties; her husband was mid-twenties at the time), and their wedding day can only be described as intense. All the vows were quite misogynistic, stating she had to submit under her husband “as if he were god” which, selfishly, I didn’t feel comfortable with. But that’s her church, and she got married in a traditional service as that was the wish of her family. She and her husband do have quite a healthy relationship from what I can gather from knowing them both. But it isn’t a relationship I would personally choose for myself - marrying someone who preaches at a church which states that women should submit to their husband as if he were a divine being doesn’t sit right with me.

She’s started working within the church, and since she’s become more heavily involved, her previously liberal opinions have shifted. Notably, her church’s stance on LGBTQ+ people isn’t great and implores people to suppress their incorrect “urges”. She upholds this belief, and it’s made me anxious to invite her to parties, etc., with my wider friendship group as so many of my friends are LGBTQ+. Knowing she doesn’t agree with their existence, despite her playing nice in person, doesn’t sit right with me. She’s not the type to preach her beliefs unless prompted/she’s at church, but I know she’s judging people for their sexuality.

She recently found out she’s pregnant and is having a baby girl. This means so much to her, and I’m celebrating this milestone she’s wanted since we were kids. But the support she expects from me is something I’m not prepared to give. She asks for outrageous favours, like asking me to drive a 120-mile round trip to collect furniture at a few hours’ notice, without offering to pay for petrol. I said no, but she wasn’t happy. The favour requests are always backed up with “but I’m pregnant!” which doesn’t sway me. She constantly talks about the unreliability of her body and how she needs support… I am physically disabled, and I too have an unreliable body, so I can’t commit to doing a 120-mile drive as that doesn’t work for me physically. It’s as if she’s conveniently forgotten this.

I’m standing my ground and have made my boundaries clear. Thankfully, she’s not asked for anything for a little while now, so hopefully, my stance has gotten across. But now I don’t hear from her unless she wants something or is talking about pregnancy. She never messages to check in with our friendship group. She monopolises conversations in our friendship group to constantly talk about pregnancy. I get it’s a big part of her life; however, other people in the group have big life things happening too.

The favour requests are things I can turn down and deal with. However, I’m struggling to stand by her as a friend due to our moral differences. I don’t want to lose her, however, because it’s a friendship which has meant so much to me for 20+ years, and I also don’t want to make things awkward for the wider friend group. Also, selfishly, with the baby on the way, I’m kind of angry at the shift this is going to cause in our friendship group. We’re only in our mid-twenties, and it feels like she’s trying to shift the vibe of our group. It’s as if because she’s pregnant, it therefore means we all need to change. Of course, there will be changes in the group with the addition of a baby, and I don’t resent that, but it’s like she expects us all to raise this baby as if it was our own. She expects a village, but can’t be bothered to be a villager. I’ve called her out for this but it falls on deaf ears.

Babies and pregnancy are quite a sensitive topic in our friend group. One friend had an abortion after accidental conception about 5 years ago, and it really impacts her mental health still. The friend who had the abortion hasn’t directly told the religious friend because she knows that our friend’s faith disagrees with abortion. She wouldn’t be able to separate her religious belief from being compassionate towards her friend. So it’s a conversation which, in some ways, is easier unsaid. But the constant pregnancy talk is getting to the other friend, unfortunately.

So overall, I’m essentially waiting for something to happen which can cut me loose from the friendship. It’s bad to say that, but I genuinely can’t be bothered to confront it in some ways because when I have historically, she always plays the pregnancy card, and she stops the conversation. If something were to happen where I’d have grounds to cease the friendship, I’d genuinely prefer that. I’m not afraid of confrontation, but in this scenario, it just feels easier.

Is it bad I just want it to just fizzle out after 20+ years of friendship?

Backstory: I’m sorry if this is a lot but to understand context

So my high school friend group was me and four guys (let’s say M, N, A, and H). The one guy who was my oldest friend in the group and arguably best friend (H) had ptsd from medical misdiagnosis and was dating someone he shouldn’t have, (don’t wanna get into it abd his life story; his dating w this women was nothing illegal he was manipulated and she was prob a 1/10 gf)

We knew stuff was going on in his life but not to the full extent, like now I know everything basically, obv if I knew this back then I would have not been “causing arguments”, but so arguments in our group happened late 12th grade (between me and H) idk what it was but I think some of it was to him making fun of me (like how I can’t talk to girls or whatever) and I thought he was “selfish”

The dude would make fun of freshman a bit too much and stuff and seemed like he thought he was above everyone else (again I could be wrong I just perceived it so) again this was caused by all the problems in his life, like I’m not getting into it he had a weirdly interconnected string of bad things in his life but again didn’t know the full details till we reconnected so I’m not blaming him for the behavior.

M was prob my second best friend like I felt a good duo w him and honestly one on one we were cool and me and him thought we should meetup w the group and address stuff. We went to this park we always hung at and i probably shouldn’t have done this I guess and kept thoughts to myself but I was fed up and basically said we should try to be better friends,

I mentioned I gotta not get mad over stuff like this, (I included myself), M gotta try not to be late always, N should try not to have AirPods in and be on his phone during a conversation. A should like actually hang w us at lunch a bit (dude went off campus lunch always and that for H maybe poor choice of words I called him egotistical and again was just my opinion dude took it to heart, and I was just trying to get him to understand my side but dude wasn’t having it so this talk did not go like I thought. We hung out and had fun after so
I falsely thought we were good

H gives me silent treatment at school for a bit (I thought it was a bit childish). Eventually M left the group cause of something H said regarding him and he had enough of him ( this upset me the most), everything seemed moderately fine during summer and everything after, but one day at the park we hung out and H asked a stupid question to me and N, “why do you both think having a girlfriend will solve all your problems”. I was known as a bit of a horndog I guess by H but we are 18 yr olds like bruh duh I wanted to get laid and loose my virginity and the thing is I never said I needed a gf ever so bad or that it’ll make my life all peachy. He was w his toxic gf and he asked that for god knows why.

After the hangout I text N about how I thought him asking that question was kinda rude and shitty and he responded 2 days later defending H (N clearly liked H the most and wanted to / be his best friend). He was a yes man to H and would take his side over mine no matter what, but M was in my side while he was there. A knew H longer and is a chill guy and was in The middle. After we started a bit of reconnecting I found out that I assume after I texted N, that N and H sorta talked with A and they (A had no issue to me but was friend’s longer w H so he didn’t rlly have a choice I assume, but he still did not reach out to me but says he regretted it)

Welp they agreed to kick me out the group cause H was tired of me (keep in mind all these arguments were mainly during the middle/end of senior year and this seemed out of the blue and if it were to happen it should have happened during the school yr then or right as summer started, not at the very end a day before the second day of college 💀).

They invited me to the restaurant we ate in the most as a group and yes we are in a public space, but H said “the fuck is your problem” to me and I was kinda annoyed to be invited under false pretenses and he got louder and prob wanted to go off on me and I wasn’t gonna be embarrassed in public like this (my meeting w them was outside with like no one around they chose an eating place of all places, which seemed kinda fucked).

I got up and asked H in the heat of all this I don’t know what I said but something like “do you still wanna be friends yes or no” he said no and I walked out. Didn’t text anyone cause I felt like they should reach out first after pulling that, and A, H, or N didn’t text me. I wished H happy b day one year (well like 10 months later) I guess my contact was gone he stopped responding when he found out it was me so honestly should have reconnected there if we were ever gonna reconnect but naw it all started just cause we ran into each other at commuter college.

Fast forward like about 2 years I’m friends w A and H again. N left this group in my absence cause H called him a bum in a car together, idk I wasn’t there that’s what I heard, surprised cause he was acting like dude’s bestest buddy). I’m speculating maybe they made fun of him or he felt like how I do now as a punching bag. Also learned N did not want me back in the group only cause he blaimed me for all the problems (yeah some were my fault but no way H was kinda douchey back then cause if his mental state) and me and N had no personal quarrel at least I do not recall as this shit was between me and H, so yeah seemed kinda disingenuous to dislike someone for that in my mind but whatever

Present day

Just now in our trio I guess since me getting mad about stuff H says to me I didn’t wanna lose my friends again, like I’m all for joking around and picking fun at each other and roasting or whatever but it feels like it is directed to me the most. H still makes the being bad w girls comments to me a bit more than I like. A is def joking but like his stuff is at me more than H I feel. Like we hung out w another friend from high school (O who is my oldest friend) and H goes like as a joke “we have to kick someone out the car everyone say who” and they all say me. Again a joke but why me and I find it weird why O would say me cause they never hung out w him when I was gone, the way I see it they are only friends by association through me.

And some bullshit w today made me wanna post, like A texts to hang randomly to hangout at 2pm (needed to shower as I got back from the gym) and my mother told me we were eating at 3, so I said I can’t go. Then they ran into O w his friend and O ft me and H is all like as jokes “oh you having fun without us” or whatever idk what he said but like bruh it’s not my fault my mother cooked for Labor Day and I was expected to be home. And A hangs up on O’s phone as I’m in the middle of talking to which he texts me it was A not him. A ft me back I jokingly and not jokingly call him an asshole and H goes like “(my name) guess what” and I just say “naw fuck you” and hang up cause I did not feel like entertaining it.

These are some examples I hope I’m wrong I kinda of feel like since being friends again with A and H that I’m being a punching bag and getting the hate and heat more than it being equal for jokes and stuff, and can happen still even if I include O, idk any advice on this? Am I tripping? Was I done dirty in the past even cause I’m not mad at them but I can’t forget what happened, it ruined my first yr of college for sure and I think regressed me socially to a degree early - mid college.

Just what happened that day in the restaurant was and kinda is in the back of my mind a lot from what I see as a betrayal. Idk, was it a mistake reconnecting? I love these guys and they do care about me I’m sure but I can’t tell if I’m truly a punching bag or not. And if I cut them off I do not have no group rlly. I made one good real friend from college and him, H, O and I have been started to hang out several times in the past months (kinda becoming a group but again that group wouldn’t exist without me) even A too hangs if he is free (dude has another friend group excluding us all).

Idk I feel like I have kinda shitty friends at times. Any advice is appreciated thanks for reading.

I just always choose the wrong people and I don’t know why. I honestly feel so frustrated and embarrassed. I end up with people who can’t take accountability for their behavior, aren’t socially adjusted, and always somehow have 100 problems to tell me every day. Some of these friends are extremely rude to servers and one friend lost her job because of anger issues. I feel more drained than energized by all of my friendships. I also have been feeling very burned out and depressed lately and they never ask me how I’m doing, all they do is rant about themselves. I feel like I don’t take care of myself enough. I’ve also never had a boyfriend before or dated at all probably because I keep draining myself all the time.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to make better long-term friendships and how to spot red flags early on as well. Also what I might be doing wrong because I keep ending up with people that ultimately drain me.

And Should I write the last message ..?

English isn't my first language, so I hope I haven't dragged this out too long.

This is about a virtual best friend, so I guess it’s not exactly a super serious situation. We’ve known each other for almost 4 years. She’s 20 now, and I’m 18. Sorry for the long post; if anyone could actually give me some advice, I’d be really grateful. No pressure, I just wanted to get this all off my chest

1. Our arguments

Most of the time, the arguments were "my" fault, but looking back, she was just guilt-tripping me. Yes, I wasn't perfect. I was really jealous. I worked on that so our friendship could survive. (I was 16 or 17 at the time). For example, one time I disagreed with her on something, and it turned into: "I don't think we can be friends anymore because you've changed. You just disagree for the sake of disagreeing"

2. Replacing me, then coming back

My friend would go from talking to me almost every day to barely replying because she was too busy talking to other people online. Even when we were chatting, she’d disappear to talk to others. She gives me attention, and then takes it all away. This is a pattern that continues to this day.

3. Messaging

We rarely message each other now. Maybe once every few days. She’s always the one who leaves me on "read." She did it 4+ times in a single month, and I had to remind her to message me. Mind you, I’d understand if she didn't message anyone online, but she was deliberately ignoring me. That might be a key detail. In the past, she told me she has a tendency to ignore people. She told me I was different that she never does that to me. That I’m important and she’d never do it. Now, it just made me feel more insecure: am I really that important to her anymore?

So I said to her: "Are you actually going to message me properly? You’ve had days off since Friday, and in three days you sent just one message, what is this situation? And that message was just a reply to something I sent? Do I have to keep asking you to message me? I did that last time. It’s exhausting" (she was active on Discord, changing her matching profile pictures and everything).

She read it immediately, even though my previous messages had been sitting there for two days. She completely ignored it for another two days—making it five days in total. She replied to an earlier message while completely ignoring my concerns. The atmosphere has been cold ever since.

3.5.

I’ve told her so many times to just say, "Hey, I’m busy, I can’t talk," or something like that. Just one message. She never listened.

4. "You’ve changed"

That was the main reason she wanted to end our friendship, so many times I’ve lost count. She was always threatening to end our relationship. I was always terrified, thinking, "No, don't leave me. I need you." She even blocked me everywhere once, but I somehow managed to message her and say, "Don't leave me; you're important to me." That was a year ago. A few months ago, she told me our relationship should end. She had gone "offline" rarely messaging me. I hadn't noticed it.

Honestly, I always enjoyed messaging her. I’d talk about my interests and everything else, ignoring how she was behaving. It’s hard to see the signs when she’s the one messaging me. It was always the same thing: "You’ve changed."

5. At some point, I stopped talking about my interests.

A month and a half ago, she told me she didn't really care what I was talking about. I was always the one who listened more. Sometimes, I wanted to talk about my interests, too. Now, I’m afraid I might be boring her.

6. Plans that never happened

You know a relationship is slowly ending when you say you’re going to do something but never actually do it. We used to always do things like following trends and posting them to our stories. At one point, she deleted our highlights, which made me delete mine too. That led to another argument; I didn't believe her when she said it was just to "change" them. Mind you, you don't have to delete a highlight to change it 🫩🫩 In the end, I apologized for what I’d done and for not believing her. As I said, we stopped doing that once the blocking situation started.

7. I took a bigger risk

During this school year, I had very important university entrance exams. Even though I was studying, I still found time to message her. What makes me even angrier is that she ignores me. I managed to find time to talk to her, wasting time I should have spent studying just to chat with her. She never did that for me, and that's okay. I was just stupid to risk something so important.

8. My fault

Maybe it was my fault that things didn't work out? I can't really put a name to it. Our relationship was always based more on texting. Yes, we did call each other, but only every few months. I think that might be why things changed. She found people who could give her what she needed. Another reason it never really took off was that my parents didn't like her. They saw me crying once while I was arguing with her. I told them about her. That stuck with them, and things stayed that way.

9. Silent treatment

This happened for days after every argument.

10. The outcome and what I did

I unfollowed her on every app and removed her from my friends and followers lists. She can still text me on one app. She’s still giving me the cold shoulder after I sent a message saying I was exhausted 😭 She just moved on with her life as if nothing had happened. Then there was me overthinking it every day, but yesterday something made me finally do it.

I FEEL HAPPY, WHICH MAKES ME FEEL WEIRD.

In the past, I was the one fighting for our friendship, but I just gave up. I didn't say anything to her. I just quietly ended it. No drama. She doesn't know yet. I think I was just holding onto our old memories. I cried a lot after doing it, but it made me realize something: the only memories I have of us are from over a year ago. I don't have any cool memories of us from 2026. None at all. Though she does. With someone else, but not with me.

I’ve sent texts to friends asking about when we could meet or asking other questions. Double check marks on WhatsApp so I know they read them but a week after I still have no answers. Should I send them another text ? How can I phrase it to not be pushy ? How long would you wait ?

I am a senior in high school. I have a friend I’ve had since freshman year. She’s a really energetic and kind person, who loves to give (A LOT, perhaps even an excess amount) really thoughtful gifts. I digress. From my freshman to sophomore year I really had no problem with her, and we were close friends for a while. However, my junior year I really began to get irritated with her. And it didn’t start my junior year, it had been building up the previous years. From how long I’ve been friends with her, I‘ve seen a lot of her really annoying traits. She unintentionally insults me and others a lot. Especially because she is VERY competitive to a point where it’s immature. I stopped telling her my grades because she would say “Ha! I got higher than you!” In a ‘playful’ way if she got higher. And if I got higher than her? She either suddenly acts very mature about grades or says offhandedly that I’m “a good guesser” in a compliment way that really is just backhanded. I’ve seen this girl who is only half a year younger than me genuinely pout and whine when she loses a card game. Not to mention constant cheating. It’s not even funny, nobody thinks it is, but she cheats outright and then giggles and whines until someone lets her cheat. She has OCD and somehow “owns” undiagnosed ADHD because she gets upset whenever I joke I might have ADHD (which i’m unsure about) and explains to me how i don’t have it; which is really just annoying. These acts built up my annoyance because I never really say anything about it in the moment. But I tend to vent to really close friends and they agree. Another thing she does is guilt trip me. She was super touchy about “being my best friend” because she had no other close friends in highschool, despite me clearly explaining I had multiple really close friends and I didn’t want to label someone as my “most important friend” above others. Despite this, she repeatedly asks me if she was my best friend.

all of this leads to the breaking point in my frustration with her.

One day I was planning a lot of hangouts with my different friends the next day; and I was on call with this friend and someone else. She is the one that suggests a hangout, I say I‘m busy most of the day; she suggests an early hangout (7am). I’m a morning person so I’m down, but I’m extremely sceptical of her. This girl cannot time manage to save her life, and waking up in the morning is impossible for her too. I agree, regardless; and have my father drop me off at the park exactly on time at 7am (i have anxiety around time management). I call her. Nothing. Text. Nothing. I call the other friend that would show up. He says he’s going to be late. I’m alone in a park at 7am because I had faith in my friends being on time. I’m sure it’s fine, I wait ten more minutes. Nothing. At this point i’m considering calling my dad to pick me up and just leave. But i don’t. I’m in a park alone with a random man who is meditating near me (In a girl btw so im lowk scared shitless). ALSO MIND YOU THIS PARK IS 15 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE AND TWO FROM BOTH OF THEIRS. Thirty minutes after our scheduled meet up time the guy friend shows up. We hang and I’m not really enthusiastic. Thirty minutes after that my friend shows up like nothing is wrong. I’m genuinely infuriated. But I don’t say anything.

Later, I text her a paragraph gently trying to explain to her how I feel. This what i actually sent:

Hey (name) can we talk

So I meant to talk to u about this earlier but ive been busy. But like what happened on friday was really uncool. I was like genuinely upset at the moment because I had woken up really early and gotten there at the time you had suggested. But I had to sit there literally for an hour waiting for you. I know its like my pet peeve and stuff but like I’m not gonna make a huge deal if you’re 10-20 min late, but an hour is just really pushing it. I usually want to avoid like conflicts and stuff but I know if I left any of my friends alone in a park for an hour in the morning I would feel horrible, because I know you hate being left alone by yourself. And i really didn’t enjoy that either. It would be a lie to say I’m still not upset a little, but I’m not gonna hold a grudge or anything. I just wanted to let you know, because this was kind of like the final straw and I just don’t want this to happen again if we hang out.

This girl literally calls me crying her eyes out apologizing. And you know what? It made me even angrier in the moment. Why the hell was she crying? And you know what she actually admitted to me? SHE WOKE UP AT THE RIGHT TIME THAT SHE PREPARED TO LEAVE. She deadass told me she was lying around for an hour because she was “sleepy”. I genuinely was going to lose my mind. it felt so emotionally manipulating that she was crying, because why was she crying? I should be crying. Regardless, I felt bad for “making her cry” and forgave her and brushed it under the rug. But god I can’t with her. I don’t want to drop her because we’re such close friends and our friend groups are so connected, and I’ve never dropped anyone before, but It’s not like I can bring up every little thing that every annoyed me about her and “talk it out either”

So I have this group chat with some friends, one is my best friend, let’s call him Josh, theres two other guys in the group chat and four other girls. I’ll give them fake names along the way. So I just joined this group this year, I already know a few people from past classes together. So this girl, let’s call her Kat. So Kat has a crush on Josh, but the thing is, Josh doesnt like her at all. The other girls in the group have a ship name between them and he doesnt like it. He has told them before that he isn’t comfortable with the shipping with him and Kat. So we were supposed to go to a fair the other day (which we already did) and so he told me and one of the other guys (I’ll call him Chris).

He told me and Chris that he was going to stop talking in the group chat after the fair, and here’s where we get to the part that idk what to do…. I’m not sure if I should also slowly stop talking in the gc too, but I really like hanging out with them and talking with them too. I don’t want to stop talking but I don’t know what Josh is going to think then. Like will he be mad if I’m still talking in the gc?.. he’s been in the group far longer than I have, and I’ve known him since kindergarten (year 1). I don’t know what i should dooo!!!

Please say what you think I should do in this situation!

Hey so, I apologize in advance, this is pretty raw and fresh for me and mom exhaustion makes it hard to remember every knitty gritty detail.

I have been best friends with my bestie for 6+ years. In that whole entire time, we have never argued. Not once. We have always been able to have conversations and dialogue the very few random times we disagreed.

I just had a baby 10 weeks ago now. It was traumatic, an emergency c section. I am still reeling emotionally from it. I felt the entire surgery because I had a failed epidural and spinal block and no doctor would listen to me to knock me out.

My best friend lives three hours away. She and I don’t see each other in person often, although throughout my pregnancy I was the one making the trek down there to see her a few times. We usually communicate over text, and used to FaceTime, which is rare now since she is engaged to her new fiancé.

She had shared with me around the time I found out I was pregnant that they are also trying to get pregnant with what would be her second baby. They have not been successful thus far. I did try to hold space for whatever feelings she may have had pertaining to her own fertility while also being so excited to share in these moments with my best friend. She was not able to make it to my baby shower and did not come to the hospital when I had the baby/when I was freshly postpartum.

Fast forward to this past weekend, we had finally had the stars align for her to be able to come up to see me. I was so excited to see her and have her meet my daughter! I was also excited to spend some quality time with her and feel even the slightest bit like my old self / my old life. She truly does bring me so much joy and I love being around her. A few days before the trip, she texts me to ask if it would be okay if she makes it a “couples getaway” for her and her fiance as well as coming to see me. At first I thought nothing of it because usually her fiance tags along anyway so I say of course. They chose to stay in a hotel, which is understandable considering I have a newborn. I was able to have my friend book their hotel through her employer discount. I also recognize that my best friend and her fiance are going through financial troubles and she asked me to help her with gas, but I went ahead and assisted with some of the cost of the hotel instead.

So they arrive Saturday, we spend a little bit walking around an outdoor shopping area and then all go to their hotel to get them checked in. We also eat dinner at said hotel as my friend who booked the room works there as a server. I repeatedly ask what the plans are for this evening, as I’d assumed we’d be spending as much time together as possible given they are really only here for an evening. Well, long story short, she chooses to stay back at the hotel with her fiance rather than spend time with me on her one night in town. It was really hurtful, especially since we had talked so much about what my first night going out postpartum might look like, and we, or at least I thought, were both so excited since we’d traditionally had so much fun together. I text her that I am hurt by this, she responds with a very generic therapy based response basically saying she’s “sorry I feel that way.” I express to her that things feel off, and then I also express to her that I felt it was slightly inconsiderate of her to plan this with me and then spring the couples thing on me last minute, only to not spend a large chunk of her time here with me. She does not reply that night.

Sunday morning comes, still no reply. I have her location, and can see that they are in an area of town that we had all talked about going to together. I text her trying to initiate plans, nothing. At this point, I’m feeling really hurt. I text and ask her for the money I spent on the hotel as I felt it wasn’t really fair for me to pay for her and her fiancé’s couples getaway hotel room. She sends me the money, so I then realize she is seeing my texts. I send one final text asking if we are going to resolve this before she leaves town. She responds and tells me that I’ve got my money, and to have a nice life. When I respond back to her, I then realize I am blocked. I am immediately distraught and confused and I message her fiance. He tells me I “went off the deep end” because she didn’t want to spend time with me the previous night and didn’t want to “hang around people she didn’t know” (I had some other friends she had asked about meeting prior who were going to try and make it out to meet us) and that by messaging them both I am being manipulative and controlling. I am appalled at this point and in tears. As of writing this, I am still blocked.

I truly don’t understand how we arrived at this point. 6+ years of friendship gone in an instant. I communicated how I felt. I have always tried to acknowledge her and how she may be feeling. I just need some others opinions and insight on this. TIA.

New poster here, I’m sorry if this is a bit long! Throwaway because some of my old friends use Reddit

I (27M) have had a friend group of 7 since highschool. We’ve been through college together and we were always so active in each other’s lives. But then one day, another girl who I’ll call R (25F), that we all knew from highschool started being roommates with one of my friends in this group. Naturally, she became a more prominent member in our group which I loved because we got along so well. She had a boyfriend at the time and one day while I was working, she calls me to come over that night so I did. We had a very easy fast transition to being each other’s best friends so it wasn’t unusual for her to invite me over randomly. But it was unusual to do so at night. She said that she had an emergency.

When I got there, R got in my car and was crying, so I drove her to a park where she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend because she couldn’t stop thinking about me. At the time I myself was going through a breakup, and while I did start to find her attractive, I don’t to date within my friend group, and I just didint see a romantic relationship forming between us. I told her this and she was a little pushy but she was content by the time we finished talking.

Then one night we all threw a party at her and my friend’s place and it was my group plus maybe 5 more people. I got very drunk and I stepped outside to get some air. R came outside to check on me, and we started chatting. We were both drunk and we just laughed and talked together. She asked me if I had feelings for her, I said “please don’t ask me that while I’m drunk…” she took that as a yes and we kept talking. Eventually we started making out, and then we both went inside because we both agreed that can’t happen again. I woke up on their couch the next morning and I immediately regret what I did. my friends had all left and We Didn’t bring up last night. I went home, freshened up and went to work and we didint speak of it until like a week later.

We were hanging out like normal and then we started getting into the topic of last weeks party, she asked me if I remembered that night. I tried to play it off and said “ohhh haha not really” so thenshe told me about us kissing. I apologized, and I felt awful that I ruined everything. She said that it was okay, and that she was equally to blame since she brought up my feelings. She asked for a relationship, I told her again, that I don’t feel comfortable dating in my friend group. She was very adamant about us being together. She even said that she’d leave the group if that’s what it took. I said no and we dropped it. I went home later on, and then the upcoming February we started getting a lot closer and we started making out again. This time we were sober and it became a normal thing for us. I told her that I wasn’t sure about this. She said that she’s fine just being casual about it. As we hung out more, making out just became an expected outcome. I started to realize that she’s been getting a lot more possessive. And she started becoming toxic, and if I was to start a relationship with her, I wouldn’t want to deal with that behavior.. I kept asking her if she really was okay with us just being casual, and she kept insisting that she was fine with it. Then one day she calls it off. She told me that she had feelings for me but she can tell that I was starting to get distant. I agreed, I told her that I just didint see a relationship happening between us because she was so possessive. So we just went back to hanging out in a group instead of one on one.

A month and a half later, I started to date. I was so head over heels about this one girl and so after 5 dates we started being exclusive. I told my friends about this and of course, R didint like this news. So she stopped talking to me. I understood but I couldn’t stand being in a group of friends where she would borderline exclude me from certain group conversations. I decided to talk to her and I asked her what was going on. She then told me that she still had feelings for me, and that me having a girlfriend made her spiral and she told me how she’s been having breakdowns and not eating. She told me that she was hoping that if she kept kissing me casually, that I’ll go back on my word and start dating her. I told her that I care a lot about her but I knew us kissing would ruin it, and I felt so horrible. I told her I was sorry but I was so angry at the same time because she told me that she was waiting for me to “change my mind”?? We both parted ways and while I was at home she sends me a text message telling me that she doesn’t wanna hangout with me anymore, that she doesn’t forgive me for what I did to her. And that she will only see me in group hangouts. I didint respond and I talked to her roommate/my friend and he was upset that we even had a casual fling to begin with.

Eventually I told one of my friends in the group that R is starting to really make me upset, and I need to step away from the group. I left the group chat and I just really wanted to throw myself into work and my relationship. Two months went by, i became so busy with work and my new relationship and at the time Î was texting one of my friends and I told her that I missed them, and I wanted to see them.

Then that same night they all removed me from Instagram. I got a text from R’s roommate/my friend about everything wrong I did in the past decade rhat he knew me… Î then got another message from one of my other friends about everything wrong Î did in the past decade as well… they told me that I can’t just take time away from the group then come back like nothing happened- but that wasn’t my intention. They said that they don’t care what my intention was, and that they were no longer interested in being my friend. They told me that it was all my fault and I was dumb to put all my social life in one group and that they aren’t sorry that my world is crumbling… Î was really sad that they never said their concerns about me in the past 13 years
:( maybe R didint have anything to do with it but idk… what do I do now? I feel so lost and alone how am I supposed to move on from a group who made up my entire life in the past 13 years??? I haven’t been okay and I’ve come to accept that I’m the problem. I can’t tell them how sorry I am because they all of a sudden started to treat me like I’m the devil?? I’m so confused. Any advice is welcome.

Basically the title, me and "Meow" have been friends for about 3-4ish years and we are both college sophomores. My friend "Ollie" since elementary school became friends with her first and then she started hanging out with us in highschool and I've always had not the best relationship with her and I always thought that we weren't going to be great friends once we graduate highschool. But I still see her because shes in the group I always have tried to be friendly with her, but recently she got a boyfriend who to put bluntly is a racist stupid guy that I cannot stand to be around. I had enough and told "Ollie" that I don't want to be friends with "Meow" anymore and she respects my decision but told me that I should still text her to be clear about my feelings. I was just wondering how I could format this text in a way that won't cause any drama but make it clear that I think we should stop hanging out with each other. Any help is appreciated!

I'll start with how we met. We're both huge fandom nerds and met through a social game, and we've known each other for just over six months. In that time, they've become the best friend I've ever had, and I mean that completely genuinely. I'm honestly pretty confident that I'll keep this friend for the rest of my life.

They live SUPER far away, though (like, across the world in Italy) so it's a long-distance friendship.

I love them dearly, and I don't think I have romantic feelings for them. That's actually what makes this so confusing.

I really, REALLY want to cuddle and hug them. I want to kiss them (not on the lips-). I think about being able to fall asleep in their arms all the time when I can't sleep. 😭 I've always been a very affectionate person, and I'm probably a little touch-starved, but I feel like the intensity of it is making me question myself.

Because I don't actually want to date them. I don't fantasize about being their partner or anything like that. I just have this overwhelming amount of love and affection for them, and my brain keeps going, “Wait, is this what romantic feelings are supposed to feel like??”

They're funny, they're gorgeous, they get all of my stupid jokes, they're my co-creator, my most trusted friend, and one of my biggest sources of comfort. I'd do basically anything to help them. I'd probably die for this person, dude.

They're also aroace, so even if I eventually realized that some of this was romantic (which, honestly, I really don't think it is??) it wouldn't really change anything. I'm not trying to pursue them or anything. I just genuinely can't tell if I'm experiencing really intense platonic affection, or if I'm somehow misidentifying what I'm feeling.

Maybe I'm just weird. 😭

I think I mostly want a second opinion. Or a third. Or a fourth. I don't know. Can anyone else relate to loving a friend this intensely while still feeling like it's completely platonic?

Is it even possible to feel these things this strongly platonically? It's not even like "I'm in denial", its like, idk I'm just so confused, help 😭

A few weeks ago I came here and asked for some advice on whether I should keep trying to speak to a friend that seems to be avoiding me.

A friend of mine (let’s call her B) told me she noticed something strange in this person as well.

Turns out the person that stopped talking to me (let’s call her A) has gotten a new friend, a woman around our age. B told me she and her boyfriend gathered with A, and A brought this new friend of hers. When B tried to get close to A, her new friend would intervene as if she was trying to get rid of B by intentionally interrupting their conversation or asking her to go somewhere else, same thing if B’s boyfriend tried to talk to A. Everything as if A’s friend was jealous of other people trying to talk to A.

I noticed A’s friend is always telling her how much she loves her an even kisses her cheek, A gets blushed, but then A’s friend says something like “we are best friends”, “we are the closest friends ever” or “we are one and the same”. At first I thought she said that to call dibs on A as a friend, but now I’m a little confused and I’m starting to think there might be something else going on between them, and A’s friend says those things just to “set the record straight” in case we sense something slightly romantic in the things she does.

Mind you, A’s friends is in a long term relationship with a man.

A has never declared herself as bi or lesbian, neither has her friend. However, everything’s weird now, A’s friend doesn’t want her to talk to anyone unless she’s in the same social group and A does what her friend wants her to do.

Could it be that there’s actually something suspicious between them or just a toxic possessive friendship?