Some of my most intense friendship breakups are with people who heavily relied on me for emotional support and vice versa. For example, I had a friend who would literally flake on me all the time, but if shit hit the fan, she’d actually call me up to go over her issues with her husband, her family etc. In another instance, I reconnected with an old high school friend, but it went from fun nostalgia to her trauma dumping her issues about her mother, her student loans, her perception of social interaction with strangers on the internet, etc.. Thinking this was acceptable, I’d bring up some issues I had, but she could not really stand to hear out my problems. At a certain point, I realized that turning my friends into a crisis hotline wasn’t ok even if they did it to me, and so I went to see a therapist who could actually listen to my problems and help me through them. Its taken me years to understand why these friendships did not last.

My new rule for friendships moving forward is that I can’t be someone’s go to telehealth therapist when they’re in crisis mode. Of course, it’s good to share with friends and vent/talk about any issues or celebrations in their life, but it can easily turn into unhealthy emotional enmeshment really fast where boundaries are crossed. They never end well.

Anyone else feel this way? Shit gets complicated real fast if you open yourself up to being always available.

let me preface by saying that i don’t want to have some explosive argument or a fiery crash and burn type of confrontation. if possible, i want to slowly stop talking to her and hanging out with her.

me (23f) and someone i used to consider my best friend (22f) have been going through a rough patch, let’s call her annie. we are very similar in some ways, but very different in others. for example, we are both creative and love the same genres of books, but i am more introverted and comfortable with being by myself, whereas she is more extroverted. i take comfort in stability, whereas she is more spontaneous. i don’t mind only having a couple of close friends, whereas she has a habit of trying to make everyone like her. there are times where it has been a great quality of hers, where she goes out of her way to help her friends, but it also leads to issues where she bottles up transgressions and doesn’t speak of it unless someone else brings up something she did that upset them.

even though we’ve only known each other for a few years, we’ve been through a lot together. she was there for me when i found out my first ever boyfriend cheated on me. she cheered me on when i was trying out dating again. i was there for her and helped her realize the relationship she used to be in was coercive and abusive, and was there for her when she went to confront him and end things.

the biggest flaw in our relationship is that we are both avoidant of conflict. i will admit that i often overthink things and turn things over in my head before i even decide to say something that could potentially change the dynamics. i like to choose my battles, and most of the time, i decide it’s just not enough for me to say something, so i typically throw it to the back of my mind in the off chance that it’s a pattern of behavior. in the past, this has turned into one of our other friends having to mediate, but i hate that someone else has to get involved when it’s between us. we had a big fight nearly a year ago where i brought up not feeling considered (i.e. not being invited or included with the rest of our friends to hang out), and it turned into annie retaliating with all of the times where she felt like i hadn’t considered her feelings. something i remember very specifically is that she kept telling me i wasn’t perfect and that i had also fucked up (i never claimed that i was perfect).

i understand that she is perfectly within her right to bring up if something has hurt her, but it’s the timing that bothers me. the only times we have butted heads were because i decided that it was a battle worth fighting, and by the time it’s over, i’m the one apologizing. i apologize for hurting her, even though it’s incredibly difficult because i’m so upset that i feel like my wrongdoings are used as a distraction, but i apologize. annie did not apologize in the argument a year ago, and i did not feel like asking for an apology, since it wouldn’t mean much if i had to ask for one.

a bit ago we had our second big blowup, which was essentially the same fight we had nearly a year ago. we had kept trying to make plans but they kept falling through. the last straw was when annie asked to push back our hangout since she had to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend (they moved in at their 5 month mark, which is another issue), which ticked me off. why did she -have- to go grocery shopping with him? he’s a grown man, he can do it himself. so i asked her if he had to have her there, and annie responded in a passive aggressive way with “i’m not going to make him do it all by himself lol”, which ticked me off further, since i had made sure to do all of my weekend chores done before meeting her and i had moved plans around to make sure i could see her. i was also annoyed because i had been supposed to meet her the week before, but she then realized after that her boyfriend was throwing a party so she couldn’t do that day anymore. (there is also a pattern of her double booking herself and then ending up disappointing someone)

i responded by telling her that i didn’t want to see her anymore that day because my feelings were hurt, and that i felt like my time wasn’t being considered. i told her that this had happened on more than one occasion, so if something in our relationship had changed where she didn’t want to see me as often, that was okay, but she needed to say something. she then responded by accusing me of being inconsiderate and that i was at fault for our plans never being carried through. she accused me of always being on the fence when we were coming up with plans, then sent screenshots with red circles she had drawn of instances where i had said i would follow up but then didn’t. it was a bitter pill to swallow, but she was right that i hadn’t been following up, so i apologized. i apologized and acknowledged that me not following up hurt both of us, and that we could both do better. i also explained that part of the reason i ended up not getting back to her was because i was trying to make sure i could commit before promising something, but i ended up forgetting to get back to her. i then suggested ways that we could prevent this from happening again and told her that if she wanted to try, then i would too.

her response was still very combative. an exact line she said was “i’ll drop this since i don’t want to argue anymore” and “i wasn’t going to say anything about this until you tried to accuse me of being a bad friend” and said that my reaction was way out of proportion for her just asking to push back plans, and that the previous reasons she had cancelled were unavoidable. (like are we being serious… she didn’t have to go grocery shopping with her boyfriend) i just gave up at that point because i knew that anything i said would fall on deaf ears. she also did not apologize.

now, i’m at the point where i’m tired of her and feeling like i can’t come to her if she’s upset me or hurt me. i don’t want to be friends with someone that can’t take responsibility for hurting people. i don’t want to be friends with someone that catastrophizes criticism and takes it as an insult to their entire person. the only issue is that we have a lot of mutual friends, and i’m worried that they will feel like they have to choose. no, we didn’t have a big confrontation where one of us said we didn’t want to be friends anymore, but people will start to ask why i’m not at certain functions anymore.

what do i do? how do i navigate slowly stopping being friends with her? it’s like after this argument, she was demoted from best friend to an acquaintance in my head. how do i make friends post grad?

I have a friend who ALWAYS makes it known that she knows more than me, and it’s starting to really get on my nerves.

No matter what we’re talking about, if she happens to know something about the topic, she has to make sure I know that she knew it first or has known about it longer. Recently, she got me into K-pop, and whenever we talk about it, she’ll say things like “oh I knew that,” “that happened XYZ years ago, I remember,” or “I was like 12 when that happened.” It’s always something that reminds me that she’s been into it longer than me or knew something before I did.

And she does this with almost EVERYTHING, not just K-pop. If I mention something and she happens to know about it, she’ll immediately point out that she already knew it or has known about it for years.

It honestly feels like she turns everything into a competition about who knows more, and it’s getting really annoying because it happens almost every single time we talk about something she has knowledge about.
The thing is, we’ve already had a conversation about her gatekeeping K-pop before. She said she would calm down, and she has definitely gotten more subtle about it, but now I feel like she’s doing the exact same thing in a way that’s harder to call out.

I feel like if I bring it up again, she’ll get mad or make me feel like I’m overreacting because technically she’s not saying anything directly rude. But when it happens constantly, it starts to feel very intentional.
Am I overthinking this, or is this actually a weird behavior? And what would you even call this?

Hey so, I apologize in advance, this is pretty raw and fresh for me and mom exhaustion makes it hard to remember every knitty gritty detail.

I have been best friends with my bestie for 6+ years. In that whole entire time, we have never argued. Not once. We have always been able to have conversations and dialogue the very few random times we disagreed.

I just had a baby 10 weeks ago now. It was traumatic, an emergency c section. I am still reeling emotionally from it. I felt the entire surgery because I had a failed epidural and spinal block and no doctor would listen to me to knock me out.

My best friend lives three hours away. She and I don’t see each other in person often, although throughout my pregnancy I was the one making the trek down there to see her a few times. We usually communicate over text, and used to FaceTime, which is rare now since she is engaged to her new fiancé.

She had shared with me around the time I found out I was pregnant that they are also trying to get pregnant with what would be her second baby. They have not been successful thus far. I did try to hold space for whatever feelings she may have had pertaining to her own fertility while also being so excited to share in these moments with my best friend. She was not able to make it to my baby shower and did not come to the hospital when I had the baby/when I was freshly postpartum.

Fast forward to this past weekend, we had finally had the stars align for her to be able to come up to see me. I was so excited to see her and have her meet my daughter! I was also excited to spend some quality time with her and feel even the slightest bit like my old self / my old life. She truly does bring me so much joy and I love being around her. A few days before the trip, she texts me to ask if it would be okay if she makes it a “couples getaway” for her and her fiance as well as coming to see me. At first I thought nothing of it because usually her fiance tags along anyway so I say of course. They chose to stay in a hotel, which is understandable considering I have a newborn. I was able to have my friend book their hotel through her employer discount. I also recognize that my best friend and her fiance are going through financial troubles and she asked me to help her with gas, but I went ahead and assisted with some of the cost of the hotel instead.

So they arrive Saturday, we spend a little bit walking around an outdoor shopping area and then all go to their hotel to get them checked in. We also eat dinner at said hotel as my friend who booked the room works there as a server. I repeatedly ask what the plans are for this evening, as I’d assumed we’d be spending as much time together as possible given they are really only here for an evening. Well, long story short, she chooses to stay back at the hotel with her fiance rather than spend time with me on her one night in town. It was really hurtful, especially since we had talked so much about what my first night going out postpartum might look like, and we, or at least I thought, were both so excited since we’d traditionally had so much fun together. I text her that I am hurt by this, she responds with a very generic therapy based response basically saying she’s “sorry I feel that way.” I express to her that things feel off, and then I also express to her that I felt it was slightly inconsiderate of her to plan this with me and then spring the couples thing on me last minute, only to not spend a large chunk of her time here with me. She does not reply that night.

Sunday morning comes, still no reply. I have her location, and can see that they are in an area of town that we had all talked about going to together. I text her trying to initiate plans, nothing. At this point, I’m feeling really hurt. I text and ask her for the money I spent on the hotel as I felt it wasn’t really fair for me to pay for her and her fiancé’s couples getaway hotel room. She sends me the money, so I then realize she is seeing my texts. I send one final text asking if we are going to resolve this before she leaves town. She responds and tells me that I’ve got my money, and to have a nice life. When I respond back to her, I then realize I am blocked. I am immediately distraught and confused and I message her fiance. He tells me I “went off the deep end” because she didn’t want to spend time with me the previous night and didn’t want to “hang around people she didn’t know” (I had some other friends she had asked about meeting prior who were going to try and make it out to meet us) and that by messaging them both I am being manipulative and controlling. I am appalled at this point and in tears. As of writing this, I am still blocked.

I truly don’t understand how we arrived at this point. 6+ years of friendship gone in an instant. I communicated how I felt. I have always tried to acknowledge her and how she may be feeling. I just need some others opinions and insight on this. TIA.

Went on a trip about 5 months with a friend I’ve always gone on trips with. It’s always been an unspoken rule to just split the costs on these trips. Well, came back from a trip, sent her my expenses and she claimed that we were even without even doing her calculations for her expenses. Told her I’d feel more comfortable that she’d do her expenses so we can confirm whether it was even. She said ok. Months have passed and she has not done her part. I brought it up to her when we hung out and she continued to say we were even and that trip was an experience. I reiterated that she should do her expenses since she doesn’t know for sure. What should I do? I’ve taken a step back from the friendship because how she’s handling it is rubbing me the wrong way.

So for context my best friend was super excited to tell me she's dating this girl she met over the summer while I was away. I've never met this chick so I don't have a personal opinion about her, but I feel conflicted because I don't really like that she's dating someone? I don't know why I'm being like this, what should I do? What's wrong with me?? (Also before anyone says "oh it's cause you're in love with her", I'm aroace, so that's probably not the case.) Anyways thank you in advance

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i’ve been feeling really upset about my friends lately and i’m not sure what i should do.

two of my friends have been distant for around four months. after weeks of basically no communication, i’m usually the one who messages first. they don’t necessarily reply, and if they do talk to me, it’s usually because i was the one who started the conversation.

it makes me feel like i’m the only one trying to keep the friendship alive. i don’t expect them to constantly talk to me or be available 24/7, but after so much silence, it hurts when i realize that if i stopped initiating, we might barely interact at all.

they also didn’t greet me on my birthday, which really hurt because these are people i used to care about a lot.

there’s another thing that makes this harder to understand: i was recently diagnosed with mdd, and i’ve realized that my depression can distort how i perceive situations and relationships. so i’m aware that some of my thoughts about them might be influenced by my mental health. at the same time, their distance has been objectively happening for months, so i don’t know where the line is between my feelings being amplified by depression and there actually being a problem with the friendship.

the confusing part is that i still care about them. i don’t necessarily want to throw away the friendship, but i’m also tired of feeling like i’m chasing people for basic communication.

i keep wondering whether i should reach out again, stop initiating and see what happens, leave the group chat, or just accept that the friendship has changed.

i don’t want to be petty or punish them for being busy. i just want to know when it’s reasonable to stop putting effort into a friendship that doesn’t feel mutual anymore.

what would you do in my situation? and how can i tell whether i’m interpreting the situation realistically or through the lens of depression?

Hey I'm 26M and I just need some anonymous advice. I've been friends with this guy since senior year of highschool, I'll call him "P" for now. We used to share a friend group with 3 other guys and a girl and as time went on that friend group just grew distant. He has another group of friends he made in a college I didn't go to and sometimes he would invite me to hang out with them.

As of late I've felt like he's been ignoring me and not respecting our friendship like he respects his other "real" friends, this past friday they all went out drinking and I wasn't invited at all, one of those friends even asked me if I was going the day of and I just told them I dind't even know there was any plans. Anyways me and "P" had plans the next day to go out to lunch and use these coupons we both won to get 20% off our entire bill and that was the last day to do it. And he bailed on me last minute because he felt his stomach was hurting from drinking which I understand, but this is the second time he has done this to me this month. He also NEVER texts me first when this happens, if I have plans with someone and I wake up sick or something and don't feel like going, I would send them the text FIRST, and tell them "hey i don't feel good today lets reschedule". But he doesn't do this to me ever, I end up texting him the day of like "hey ill be there in 10 mins" to which he sends a text back like "oh yeah im not going cuz my stomach hurts". He has also ghosted me once before for most of 2025.

The only reason why we started talking again is because one of his friends from that group asked me why I dind't hang out with them anymore and convinced me to text him again. If I'm being honest the only reason why I still talk to this guy is because him + that group are basically the only friends I have, if I stopped talking to him all I would be doing is going to work, classes, and the gym and would have no real social interactions, but just little "hellos" and "good mornings" or quick conversations from coworkers / classmates. I just feel it's almost impossible for me to make real genuine friends as an adult in this generation, If I could just find a new friend group that was actually genuine to me I would feel much better about all of this. Anyways, thanks for reading my rambling if you did.

Would you stay with a friend who invalidated your feelings at times? and they also couldn’t handle hard conversations. When you would talk to them about any issues you would have with them even if you talked calmly about it they would get defensive or give you the silent treatment

I don’t have many friends right now due to constant travel and have finally settled down somewhere. I’m in my mid twenties (F) and my (still somewhat new I would say) friend is in her mid 60s. I really appreciate and enjoy her company and spend time with her and her similarly aged friends regularly. I see her as a permanent friend and don’t see her differently just because she’s older than me (other than normal things like the fact she has more life experience under her belt or things like that, I just mean from a friend perspective it’s no different to me). There have been one or two subtle things that she has said that make me think she might believe she’s a temporary friend or that we would spend less time together once I find more people my age, but that’s not how I see it. It’s been VERY subtle, which is why I didn’t really have the opportunity to say how I feel about our friendship. What are some subtle ways I can make sure she knows how I view her / the friendship?

I always feel like she doesn’t actually like me! We hang out every week, we have a class together and we talk the whole time, and I spend a lot of time with her but it feels like she doesn’t like me. She told me that this isn’t true and that if she did not like me, she wouldn’t be hanging out with me. But I don’t understand why I feel like this??

Hi everyone. I'm looking for advice about how to deal with one specific issue, namely a friend of mine selectively responds to my texts.

For a bit of context. I've known this person since I was a boy. We used to live on the same street, we went to the same schools and I was in the exact same classes as his sister, his mother and my mum were friends (there both deceased now) etc. Some years ago we used to be relatively close but that seemed to break apart and we didn't see or speak to each other for about 5 years. That being said, I made an effort to reach out about 2 years ago and we did meet up and spent some time together.

Just over a year ago my mother died. I told him and he ended up coming to the funeral claiming my mum was like a second mum to him. Earlier this year I reached out to him and he invited me out with he and two of his friends from work. I thought we had a good time and thought we should stay in touch a bit more. He seemed keen to meet up and we met up a few months later, although there was a few of us.

Lately, though I've sent him a couple of texts asking him how he's getting on and that we should meet up again some time soon. The problem is though that when I've done that it's sometimes been crickets. I told him we should meet up again soon and asked him how he and his girlfriend were doing and, crickets. I send him a text after we went out. He responded and then I sent a follow up text and again, crickets. Giving the benefit of the doubt I sent a another text to which he responded, I mentioned again that we should meet up again before the end of the year and again, crickets.

The most confusing part for me is that I'm aware we're not especially close but nevertheless I expect a response to a simple text. I have my thoughts on this but I thought it was worth asking my fellow Redditors their opinion on this issue.

Many thanks in advance. Advice is much appreciated!

We are both 29 & were best friends from high school until about 24 when she moved away. Even after she moved, we visited each other, and even though it wasn’t a lot, when we did get together it felt like we had never been apart. We went an entire year without talking (other than holiday texts) and she still invited me to her birthday party. At this party, I met her (now) husband. And even though we didn’t talk for a year at that point, she still introduced me as of one of her best friends. So I assumed we had the kind of friendship where you don’t have to talk/see each other often to remain close. Last year she got engaged and invited me to her engagement party. She also told me she was moving back to our hometown, and made it clear she was excited to be near me. But for some reason, when she moved back, things just seemed off (she wasn’t actively trying to make plans)- but I assumed she was busy. Then, I saw on Instagram that she had a bachelorette party, clearly I wasn’t invited, which hurt. She invited me over a week after, but I wasn’t able to go. We were catching up and she mentioned she was getting married in a “family” ceremony. So I knew then I wasn’t invited to the wedding. She didn’t say anything else about it, and she changed the topic right away. I can’t get over feeling hurt by not being invited. I would understand if it was a small, family only wedding, but I saw the pictures and it wasn’t… It’s just odd to me that she would text me/invite me over, does she not expect my feelings to be hurt? And yes, I know her wedding is not about me, and I should probably just let the friendship go since it’s clear she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do. But I also miss her and would love to just get together and talk, but I don’t want to reach out and seem desperate.

I’m 28 years old and I haven’t made a new friend in 10 years. Now, that would be okay if I felt like I had strong friendships but I feel like the more time passes, the more my “friendships” feel like they’re fading away. I haven’t spent time with a friend in 3 years and I feel like I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I don’t even know how to make new friends anymore? When I meet a new person, I can be friendly and interact, but I feel disconnected and like I’m incapable of considering them as a potential friend, even if we get along. I kind of dissociate from the interactions completely. It’s like my brain doesn’t even register “friendship” anymore or how to make friends. But I want friends and community so bad, does anyone else feel like this?

I’m struggling to stand by my childhood best friend of 20+ years as we’re on very different pages life-wise.

We’re in our mid-twenties. She has grown up in a very devout Christian community. I am not personally religious; however, I’ve spoken with a priest who I know, and they shared that the church my friend is a part of is known for its extremist interpretation of Christian teachings.

My friend got married a few years ago (she was in her early twenties; her husband was mid-twenties at the time), and their wedding day can only be described as intense. All the vows were quite misogynistic, stating she had to submit under her husband “as if he were god” which, selfishly, I didn’t feel comfortable with. But that’s her church, and she got married in a traditional service as that was the wish of her family. She and her husband do have quite a healthy relationship from what I can gather from knowing them both. But it isn’t a relationship I would personally choose for myself - marrying someone who preaches at a church which states that women should submit to their husband as if he were a divine being doesn’t sit right with me.

She’s started working within the church, and since she’s become more heavily involved, her previously liberal opinions have shifted. Notably, her church’s stance on LGBTQ+ people isn’t great and implores people to suppress their incorrect “urges”. She upholds this belief, and it’s made me anxious to invite her to parties, etc., with my wider friendship group as so many of my friends are LGBTQ+. Knowing she doesn’t agree with their existence, despite her playing nice in person, doesn’t sit right with me. She’s not the type to preach her beliefs unless prompted/she’s at church, but I know she’s judging people for their sexuality.

She recently found out she’s pregnant and is having a baby girl. This means so much to her, and I’m celebrating this milestone she’s wanted since we were kids. But the support she expects from me is something I’m not prepared to give. She asks for outrageous favours, like asking me to drive a 120-mile round trip to collect furniture at a few hours’ notice, without offering to pay for petrol. I said no, but she wasn’t happy. The favour requests are always backed up with “but I’m pregnant!” which doesn’t sway me. She constantly talks about the unreliability of her body and how she needs support… I am physically disabled, and I too have an unreliable body, so I can’t commit to doing a 120-mile drive as that doesn’t work for me physically. It’s as if she’s conveniently forgotten this.

I’m standing my ground and have made my boundaries clear. Thankfully, she’s not asked for anything for a little while now, so hopefully, my stance has gotten across. But now I don’t hear from her unless she wants something or is talking about pregnancy. She never messages to check in with our friendship group. She monopolises conversations in our friendship group to constantly talk about pregnancy. I get it’s a big part of her life; however, other people in the group have big life things happening too.

The favour requests are things I can turn down and deal with. However, I’m struggling to stand by her as a friend due to our moral differences. I don’t want to lose her, however, because it’s a friendship which has meant so much to me for 20+ years, and I also don’t want to make things awkward for the wider friend group. Also, selfishly, with the baby on the way, I’m kind of angry at the shift this is going to cause in our friendship group. We’re only in our mid-twenties, and it feels like she’s trying to shift the vibe of our group. It’s as if because she’s pregnant, it therefore means we all need to change. Of course, there will be changes in the group with the addition of a baby, and I don’t resent that, but it’s like she expects us all to raise this baby as if it was our own. She expects a village, but can’t be bothered to be a villager. I’ve called her out for this but it falls on deaf ears.

Babies and pregnancy are quite a sensitive topic in our friend group. One friend had an abortion after accidental conception about 5 years ago, and it really impacts her mental health still. The friend who had the abortion hasn’t directly told the religious friend because she knows that our friend’s faith disagrees with abortion. She wouldn’t be able to separate her religious belief from being compassionate towards her friend. So it’s a conversation which, in some ways, is easier unsaid. But the constant pregnancy talk is getting to the other friend, unfortunately.

So overall, I’m essentially waiting for something to happen which can cut me loose from the friendship. It’s bad to say that, but I genuinely can’t be bothered to confront it in some ways because when I have historically, she always plays the pregnancy card, and she stops the conversation. If something were to happen where I’d have grounds to cease the friendship, I’d genuinely prefer that. I’m not afraid of confrontation, but in this scenario, it just feels easier.

Is it bad I just want it to just fizzle out after 20+ years of friendship?

I just always choose the wrong people and I don’t know why. I honestly feel so frustrated and embarrassed. I end up with people who can’t take accountability for their behavior, aren’t socially adjusted, and always somehow have 100 problems to tell me every day. Some of these friends are extremely rude to servers and one friend lost her job because of anger issues. I feel more drained than energized by all of my friendships. I also have been feeling very burned out and depressed lately and they never ask me how I’m doing, all they do is rant about themselves. I feel like I don’t take care of myself enough. I’ve also never had a boyfriend before or dated at all probably because I keep draining myself all the time.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to make better long-term friendships and how to spot red flags early on as well. Also what I might be doing wrong because I keep ending up with people that ultimately drain me.

Basically the title, me and "Meow" have been friends for about 3-4ish years and we are both college sophomores. My friend "Ollie" since elementary school became friends with her first and then she started hanging out with us in highschool and I've always had not the best relationship with her and I always thought that we weren't going to be great friends once we graduate highschool. But I still see her because shes in the group I always have tried to be friendly with her, but recently she got a boyfriend who to put bluntly is a racist stupid guy that I cannot stand to be around. I had enough and told "Ollie" that I don't want to be friends with "Meow" anymore and she respects my decision but told me that I should still text her to be clear about my feelings. I was just wondering how I could format this text in a way that won't cause any drama but make it clear that I think we should stop hanging out with each other. Any help is appreciated!

A few weeks ago I came here and asked for some advice on whether I should keep trying to speak to a friend that seems to be avoiding me.

A friend of mine (let’s call her B) told me she noticed something strange in this person as well.

Turns out the person that stopped talking to me (let’s call her A) has gotten a new friend, a woman around our age. B told me she and her boyfriend gathered with A, and A brought this new friend of hers. When B tried to get close to A, her new friend would intervene as if she was trying to get rid of B by intentionally interrupting their conversation or asking her to go somewhere else, same thing if B’s boyfriend tried to talk to A. Everything as if A’s friend was jealous of other people trying to talk to A.

I noticed A’s friend is always telling her how much she loves her an even kisses her cheek, A gets blushed, but then A’s friend says something like “we are best friends”, “we are the closest friends ever” or “we are one and the same”. At first I thought she said that to call dibs on A as a friend, but now I’m a little confused and I’m starting to think there might be something else going on between them, and A’s friend says those things just to “set the record straight” in case we sense something slightly romantic in the things she does.

Mind you, A’s friends is in a long term relationship with a man.

A has never declared herself as bi or lesbian, neither has her friend. However, everything’s weird now, A’s friend doesn’t want her to talk to anyone unless she’s in the same social group and A does what her friend wants her to do.

Could it be that there’s actually something suspicious between them or just a toxic possessive friendship?

I have had a really close friend (61) for about 4 years. We connect pretty regularly (maybe once a month, once every two months, sometimes multiple days back to back) but when we talk/hangout it’s for hours on end. Sometimes we’ll FaceTime and talk until the sun comes up. When we met I was going through a really rough time and so was he. His rough time is still very much existent and burdening. Between our hangouts or FaceTimes, we may go a month or two without seeing each other, but still text here and there. He’s a very busy man and he’s also been dealing with a lot of bs for a long time. It’s not unlike him to sometimes disappear for a month or a bit longer without texting. He’s burnt out and often pretty depressed. He also takes to the booze pretty frequently. I know how much he values our friendship, as do I. We’ve supported each other through a lot of fuckin shit! He’s always been so grateful for how I don’t judge, how we connect and how comfortable he feels talking to me. Whenever he disappears, I try to text him once or twice a week letting him know I care and support from a distance. He has always seemed entirely grateful for this support and has told me multiple times that I “don’t bug or bother him” when I inquired about the frequency of my check-ins. The man is very sincere and doesn’t sugarcoat. We’ve had many difficult and honest conversations. We’ve held each other accountable, so I don’t believe he would ever say that to make me feel better, especially on several occasions. It would be out of character for him.

Apologies for the novella, as I needed to provide some context into the relationship. Where we stand now is that in the past 4 months I’ve gotten one text from him. A bit unusual but of course I know his struggles, and continue to check in letting him know I’m here when he’s ready. Unfortunately this guy has been one of my absolute best friends and I got extremely worried not hearing from him. I asked him for proof of life and told him I was very desperate to hear from my friend that I worry a lot about. Admittedly it was a highly emotional message. The next day, I immediately apologized. Told him that I overstepped. Took full accountability for my anxious messages and acknowledged that I haven’t forgotten what he’s going through. That was weeks ago. I have sent a few supportive texts since, but back to normal. I’m an anxious person (going back to therapy, working on it) but I’m afraid that I have pushed him further away and prolonged his silence. I’m considering not reaching out for a while to give time for a reset, but I don’t know how he will take that…If it will help or if he will feel abandoned. It’s never easy to know what a depressed individual needs as they don’t often communicate it. I know he only has a few close friends that he can go to.

I’ll try to summarize as best as I can to keep it short. I have a friend who has been in my life for 17ish years. I had to put my pet cat of 10+ years down the other day and she never asked me how I’m doing, didn’t send condolences, nothing. But later that night, texted me and asked “how did it go with saying goodbye to (cats name)” and idk… to me, that’s a very stupid and heartless question. Like how tf do you think it went?? Then the next day, texted me and said “It must have been a weekend of animals passing. (So and so’s) dog died.” Once again… odd text. Not necessary. I’m also 36 weeks pregnant so I’m just sad and emotional that my fur baby won’t be around to bring my last baby home. Am I being dramatic? Is it just my hormones? I just feel like her texts are so heartless. Especially when I was there for her when her dog passed three years ago- sending her condolences and what not.

I’m 22M, she’s 23F, and we’ve been friends since 2020. I’m sorry this is so long, but I genuinely tried to leave out as much unnecessary detail as possible because I want people to understand the full pattern.

We met online during COVID through a mutual group. Even though we’re from the same country, we lived in different cities. We immediately clicked because we had a lot in common, much more than with the rest of that group.

Not long after, I introduced her to some other people I knew online who had similar interests. Somehow that group became extremely close, despite most of us not knowing each other beforehand. We were all introverted gamers, so Discord became a huge part of our lives. We spent basically every day together — gaming, talking, watching movies, staying in voice chat for hours, etc.

Over time, she became my best friend. I was also her best friend, at least as far as I understood it.

We were extremely close. We didn't have huge social circles IRL, so we relied heavily on each other. For six years, almost everything that happened in my life went to her first. Every problem, secret, piece of gossip, random thing that happened during my day — she knew. She knew me better than almost anyone, and I knew her just as well.

We’ve met IRL several times over the years, usually once or twice a year since we live in different cities. Whenever we were alone together, everything felt completely natural. She was one of the few people I could be completely myself around.

But there has always been another problem that I kept ignoring.

Whenever I introduced her to a new group of people, I would eventually feel like I got replaced.

Because of the nature of Discord/gaming communities, whenever I introduced her to a group, a bunch of guys would start liking her or simping for her. Suddenly they would invite her to games instead of me, talk to her constantly in voice chat, message her, etc.

And the part that hurt the most wasn't even them. It was how she reacted.

She would often become much closer to them and much more distant with me. Before introducing her, we could talk all day. Once she became part of the group, I'd suddenly hear from her much less. A lot of the conversations we did have became her telling me about the guys in the group — how they were annoying her, flirting with her, messaging her, etc.

She would complain about them constantly, but at the same time continue spending most of her time with them.

There were also plenty of situations where we'd make plans together and she'd ditch them because someone from the group invited her to play.

For example, once we agreed to watch a movie together. We were supposed to figure out the exact time and everything. I showed up and waited. Three hours passed, it was around 3 AM, and I eventually went to sleep.

The next morning she basically said, "Sorry, I forgot. Someone invited me to play and I went."

There were quite a few situations like that.

And I know she has every right to have other friends. I never expected to be her only friend or for her to prioritize me 24/7. That's not what bothered me.

It was the pattern.

Whenever there was no other group around, we would become extremely close again. We'd talk all day, play games together, call each other constantly, tell each other everything, etc.

Then we'd meet new people.

And suddenly I'd become an afterthought again.

Then eventually that group would fall apart, we'd end up mostly alone again, and we'd become extremely close again.

And the cycle repeated for years.

Another thing that bothered me was how differently she sometimes treated me depending on whether we were alone or other people were around.

Privately, she could be incredibly close and caring with me. But as soon as someone else joined a call, she'd sometimes become distant, make jokes at my expense, or just act like I wasn't really there.

There were also countless times when we'd plan to play something together, just the two of us, and as soon as someone else joined the Discord/voice chat, I'd basically disappear.

I'd sit there while she and the other person talked, and I'd just listen.

At the time I didn't really connect all these things together. Each individual situation wasn't necessarily huge. But looking back, it was always the same pattern.

Eventually I started feeling like I was her backup friend.

Like I was the person she genuinely enjoyed having around, but only when there wasn't someone "better" available.

And despite all of that, I still loved her as a friend. She genuinely meant a lot to me.

Eventually I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

I wrote her a huge message explaining everything that had been bothering me. It was basically nine massive paragraphs with examples and an explanation of how all of this made me feel.

Her response was actually fairly reasonable. She apologized and said she didn't do it intentionally. She told me I wasn't the first person to point this out to her, and that even her ex had complained about similar behavior.

She said something along the lines of, "It seems like I give my attention to the wrong people. I'll try to work on it."

So I decided to forgive her and move on.

For a while, everything was great again.

We were talking every day. She'd message me while I was at work, we'd make plans to play, we'd talk about everything again.

And then I made the mistake of introducing her to another group I sometimes played with.

You can probably guess what happened.

She became close with them. A bunch of them started simping for her. She constantly talked to them and played with them.

And once again, she would tell me how annoying they were, how some of them were hitting on her, etc., while still spending a huge amount of time with them.

Then the same things started happening again.

Another time, we finally planned to play something together, just the two of us, because we'd barely had any private time lately.

We started the game.

She noticed some people from the server were online and immediately left to talk with them.

I was basically left there.

Another example happened IRL.

We hadn't seen each other in a while and agreed to go for coffee so we could actually catch up.

We randomly ran into a mutual friend, so he joined us. That's fine — I don't expect everything to always go exactly as planned.

But he ended up staying with us for most of the night, so we barely got to talk privately.

Afterwards, she and I went for a walk because we still wanted some time to actually catch up.

While we were walking, one of the guys from the server who had been hitting on her called her on video.

She answered.

For the next \~10 minutes, they talked on video while I was literally walking next to her in silence.

Again, individually, maybe that sounds stupid.

But after years of the same thing happening, it really hurt.

Then came the final situation.

At one point she had exams coming up and asked me if, when I got home from work, I could stay in a voice call with her while she studied. Apparently her ex used to do that and it helped her concentrate.

I agreed because obviously I cared about her and wanted to help.

We made plans. I got home from work and stayed with her while she studied. The next day she went to her exam and then continued studying afterwards.

At some point during that day, I sent her some messages. She left them on seen.

I initially thought, okay, she's probably studying, she'll answer later.

But the entire day went by with my messages still ignored. Later I could see that she was actually playing games with the people from the server.

So at that point it was difficult for me to believe she simply didn't have time to answer.

She was clearly online and spending hours with them, while my messages were still sitting there on seen.

Eventually she sent me some random messages about her own stuff while still ignoring the things I'd sent earlier.

I got annoyed and told her I was upset that she kept leaving me on read.

Her response was basically:

"Be mad then, I don't care."

We didn't talk for about a day.

Then she messaged me and sent me around 15 voice messages about drama with that server — who did what, who was annoying her, who was flirting with her, etc.

I was at work, so I listened when I had a chance but couldn't immediately respond. I told her I'd reply when I had time.

She then became rude and said something along the lines of:

"Are you seriously still mad because I left you on read while I'm in chaos? You're starting to piss me off too."

I didn't want another fight, so I told her I wasn't actually mad and apologized for the delayed response.

I then listened to and responded to all 15 voice messages as soon as I got the chance.

She didn't respond.

Hours passed.

Then the next day.

Then another.

I could see her online on Discord, playing games, posting stories, replying to other things — but she still didn't respond to me.

At some point I checked Discord activity and realized that on the exact period when she had told me she was "in a huge mess" and didn't really have time to deal with things, she had spent around seven hours playing League with those people.

That was the point where something just broke in me.

I deleted the messages I'd sent her that she had ignored.

A couple more days passed without either of us contacting each other.

And eventually I sent her this:

"Fuck it. If I ever reply to you or send you another message again, I'm an idiot. We're not friends anymore. And no, the seen isn't the reason. The reason is much deeper. The seen was just the final straw. Good luck with your life."

She replied:

"Okay, same to you."

And that's it.

It's been a few days now.

And honestly, I don't know if I did the right thing.

Part of me feels like I massively overreacted. The "seen" itself obviously wasn't enough to end a six-year friendship. I know people get busy. I know she can have other friends. I know she doesn't owe me every second of her time.

But this wasn't about one message.

It's about six years of repeatedly feeling like I'm the person she comes back to when nobody else is available.

I've told her how I feel before.

I've given her specific examples.

She acknowledged the problem and even said other people had pointed out the same thing.

And yet the exact same pattern happened again.

We've also had arguments and periods of not talking before. Usually after a month or two, one of us eventually reaches out, we apologize, talk everything through and somehow end up close again.

This time, though, I'm not sure that's going to happen.

And that's honestly terrifying me.

Because even though I was the one who ended things this time, I'm not sure I'm actually ready for this to be the end.

I'm not even sure If I want it to be the end.

Part of me wants her to reach out. Part of me wants to hear an apology and somehow fix everything.

But another part of me is asking whether there is even anything left to fix.

Because I've already explained how I feel. I've already given her examples. We've already had this conversation before. And the same thing happened again.

I feel completely empty now.

She was one of the most important people in my life for six years. I talked to her almost every single day. She was the first person I'd tell almost anything to.

Now suddenly I don't have that person anymore.

It feels like I've lost a huge part of my daily life.

And that's what makes me question myself.

Did I overreact by ending the friendship?

Was I justified in finally walking away after years of this pattern, or did I let my insecurity/jealousy get the better of me?

And more importantly, if she does eventually reach out like we've done so many times before, should I even try to reconcile, or would I just be putting myself back into the same cycle?

I genuinely want honest opinions, even if I'm the one in the wrong here.

Sorry again for the ridiculously long post. I tried to shorten it as much as possible, but I felt like the context mattered.

Ive always been the one to initiate hangouts, so i tested and wanted to wait for anyone in my friendgroup to initiate and now its been 8 months…
During that time i got pregnant and now my baby is going to turn 3 months old and none of them initiated.
It was a lonely pregnancy and one of them didnt even acknowledge my baby or even ask about her ):

Not seeking advice so may get removed but I just watched Ride or Die and I have to say it’s refreshing to see platonic relationships represented as something to kill for.
They overuse “best friend” in the dialogue. Aside from that, some peoples closest relationships they’ll ever have are friends. I see so many posts where people lament their best friends suddenly disappearing, or they come to this realization that it was never reciprocal.

Anyone out there in a ride or die friendship right now? I have a few that come close but still waiting for my platonic soul mate.

My friend never tells me any of her beauty secrets, and honestly, I find it a little strange because we’re actually quite close. We met in our first year of university and hang out a lot after class.

She has amazing straight, shiny, and very thick hair, so I once asked her what she did to keep it looking so good. She said, “Oh, this is my natural hair. I never straighten it or use a blow dryer.”

One time, I went to her house for a game night and had a little chat with her mom in the kitchen. Her mom also had gorgeous hair, so I casually said, “You both have great hair genetics!”

Her mom then told me that her daughter had done keratin treatments and nanoplasty because she used to have frizzy, heat-damaged hair from straightening a lot in high school. 😭

She also mentioned that both of them regularly apply hair oil to help with hair growth and strength. That surprised me even more because my friend had always told me she doesn’t really do anything to her hair and that it was simply naturally like that.

What makes it feel worse is that she often asks me about my makeup, hair and skincare products, and I’m always completely honest with her. I’ll tell her exactly what I use and even send her photos of the products without thinking twice.

There was another time when she wore a perfume that smelled AMAZING, so naturally I asked her what perfume she was wearing. She just said, “Oh, a bit of everything.” She never told me the name or even what perfumes she had layered.

After that, I basically stopped asking her about her beauty secrets because I realised she probably just doesn’t want to share them.

I completely understand that nobody is obligated to share their routines or secrets, and she’s obviously entitled to keep things private. But I do find it unfair when someone asks me for all the details about my products while being so secretive about theirs.

What do you guys think? Have you ever had a friend like this, who keeps all their beauty secrets to themselves even though you’re quite close?

I just turned 25.There was a period where I was really depressed, like really bad. I didn't want anyone touching me, I didn't want to talk, I basically cut off everyone around me.

My friend noticed something was off though, and she showed up at my place to take care of me. She did my laundry, brought me water, just sat there with me without asking a single question. One morning I got out of the shower and saw that she'd stuck a label on the clean t-shirt I left by the door. It was printed by the Niimbot and said "do not touch - fragile." I didn't say anything, just put the shirt on. Later I peeled that label off and kept it. It feels like something I never got to say out loud, tbh.

Another time, I was completely crushed by stress and just silently crying in the middle of the night. I sent her one random short message, no explanation, no context. And not long after, she showed up at my door with hot drinks and snacks. She didn't ask what was wrong, just sat there with me quietly, handed me tissues, and waited for me to calm down.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here... I just love her so much and I'm so grateful for her, fr.