- 2013: no pick, traded down
- 2014: Dominique Easley
- 2015: Malcom Brown
- 2016: forfeited pick
- 2017: traded for Brandin Cooks
- 2018: Isaiah Wynn, Sony Michel
- 2019: NKeal Harry
- 2020: traded down
- 2021: Mac Jones
- 2022: Cole Strange

What a fall from grace man

I’ll begin with my own:

Giants, please show the whole damn league why I think y’all are dark horses for the playoffs. Everyone’s healthy now, stay that way. OBJ, show the league that this is more than a nostalgia run.

Jets, what can I say about you that hasn’t already been said ad nauseam in disappointment and sadness by my brothers and sisters in green or in jest by the rest of the league. I’m tired of being the league’s secondary punching bag. I want to see my boys succeed. I want Garrett Wilson and Breece Hall’s Bugattis to be surrounded by a Mansion, not a trailer park. I want to not have to fight tooth and nail with my brethren about whether or not a win would be good for us in December. I want Geno to shut out the doubters just like he did in Seattle. I don’t want to see the midseason ‘Aaron Glenn has been fired by the New York Jets, Frank Reich is the interim HC‘ tweet. I don’t want to see that tweet at the end of the season either. And if that tweet doesn’t happen I hope it’ll be for a good reason like we made the playoffs or had significant improvement all around, and not like a Todd Bowles/Zac Taylor ‘how are you still around’ situation.(gotta stay one step ahead of the monkey’s paw) I want to see a regular season interception from our defense again. (had to specify) Lots and lots of them . The preseason showed we are capable of doing it and know what that is. I want David Bailey to show us why it was HIM that we chose and not Reese or Bain (though I still want Arvell to succeed on the Giants). I want our defense to scare teams again. I want OCJ and Sadiq to prove why it was THEM we chose to help out Geno. I want our running corps to RUN. I want our Special Teams to keep being great, but not be our only highlight. I want that ’He did it’ scene from Megamind to be in all of the meme subs when they make the playoffs. I want the league to cheer and fear us, not laugh and pity us. In a sports year when the Knicks won the championship, The Sabres broke their playoffless streak, and UMass won a game, I believe that we can shock the world. All of us would be ecstatic for a 9 win season. I don’t care if we get ass blasted in the Wild Card Round (unless it was against one of the other AFC East schmuckos, especially if the Fins miraculously did it). I want to hope again.

A few more calls to the rest of the league

Titans. Let my Giants and Jets beat you and you sweep the Colts. Fair?

Jags and Texans. Please sweep the Colts.

Colts, Packers, and Cowboys. Please Tank. I apologize to Sauce and Q for wishing it on your squads but I’m a Jets fan first and I will be eternally grateful to y’all in the same way I’m grateful for Jamal Adams getting us Garrett Wilson.

If you face the Colts, Packers and Cowboys this year, please beat them.

Bills. Please miss the playoffs. If you must make the playoffs, please lose in the same hilarious fashion. If you must make the Super Bowl, Please lose in a hilarious fashion there. I want that trophy case EMPTY YA HEARD? WE STILL HAVE ONE MORE THAN YOU. I want that Family Guy meme alive and well.

Dolphins. None of us expect much from you this season, but please keep the playoff winless streak alive.

Patriots. Man I hate that y’all recovered so fast. Basically see what I said about the Bills, except your trophy case is unfortunately not empty.

Eagles and Commies, see what I said above but also please sweep the Cowboys.

To every team that I mentioned here and every team I didn’t, may all the bones remain unbroken, all the muscles and cartilages remain untorn, and the brains unconcussed. May the Metlife Turf and 49ers substation be forever in your favor.

And in conclusion, with the single sentence that unites all football fans till the end of time eternal,

I AM SO F***IN READY TO BE HURT AGAIN

The Eagles for reference have 18 week 1 wins in that time span. The Giants are the next closest to the Browns with 8 wins.

1. Josh Allen, Bills

• 427 points

• 49 first-place votes

• Appeared on 101 ballots

• Last year: Second place

2. Matthew Stafford, Rams

• 356 points

• 33 first-place votes

• Appeared on 92 ballots

• Last year: Seventh place

3. Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs

• 247 points

• 12 first-place votes

• Appeared on 86 ballots

• Last year: First place

So just theoretical, but assuming o-line play keeps getting worse or staying the same while we see more and more hybrid freaks on D keep emerging how will that change gameplay from an offensive perspective? Are we looking at a loop back to low scoring grind fests? Will big X receivers become more important with the ability to act as almost TE's in the run game to help? Will the option game become a necessity?