Accessibility text: a metal slide that starts as two separate slides. One is labeled breastfed and the other labeled formula fed, there is a child at the top of each slide. As the slide continues the two slides converge and at the bottom of they become one slide. The bottom of the slide is labeled Eating McDonald's French fries off the floor of the car.

They are normally good kids but holy shit they can get on a tear whining about things. Had to pull out this classic dad move for the first time (kids 6 and 3). Wonder what happens to me next. Feels like the part of Star Wars where Luke cuts off fake darth Vader’s hand, only to see it become his own hand to symbolize his transformation into Vader. Anyways, I gotta go, there’s a great sale on white New Balance shoes and tube socks, and the grass needs mowing.

I have four kids ranging in age from 21 years to 11 months.. my two oldest daughters (18 and 21) are constantly asking me about how to do stuff related to their phones and computers. I obviously don’t mind helping my kids and secretly love that they still come to me for stuff but how is it that their generation grew up quite literally with this technology in their hands yet know almost nothing about it? I’m an elder millennial(43) and the Boomers above me and the Gen Z below me know nothing about trouble shooting or anything in between. Maybe it’s because Tom had us writing script for MySpace when we were 23..

Just curious to hear from other people to see if what my wife and I are seeing from our friends is common:

We have 2 kids now, 4 and 10 months, and we are in our mid thirties. We have friends from college, high school, and previous jobs, and then we have parent friends that we've met through shared kid activities.

Of the original group of friends I would estimate that about half of them are getting increasingly difficult for us to relate to because they're essentially living like they never left college. It's not about not having kids because there's plenty of people who don't who are still seeming to do a fairly reasonable job figuring themselves out.

I haven't been able to relate to breakup drama, consuming more media than I'll have time for in at least a decade, re-inventing identity and aesthetic, bouncing between dead end jobs getting fired because they just don't show up to work, and collecting various fashionable ailments from social media. And any time they want to interact with one or both of us they essentially only want the version of us from before we had kids. They either don't consider the kids at all (but why can't you both come play board games at my messy apartment for 5 hours?) Or they want one of us to take both kids for a full day or a weekend on almost no notice so they can have the other one.

I am into some fairly nerdy hobbies, and I thought having to relate to other more "normie" dads would be hard, but I've had a much easier time making conversation with another dad about whatever thing is "his" that he keeps jammed in a closet and gets to think about for an hour before the kids wake up or after they go to bed, even when it's fantasy football or his special "Fun Car". Then when I try to talk about something like warhammer with one of my pre-kid friends the fact that they've had the time to follow the competition meta, the new edition, read all the lore books and watch all the series that have come out I just end up saying "oh I didn't know" over and over again.

Hi Dads —

First-time poster here. My wife — the stepmother of my kids and all around amazing woman — loves this community and introduced me to it.

We were talking last night, and I said something she encouraged me to share here. I suppose she thought it might mean something to some of the newer dads.

For a little context, I had my first child when I was only 24. I had just started college after not finishing school earlier in life. So I went to school while helping raise a newborn and working. I got up at 4:30 every morning, went to class, went to work, helped take care of her in between it all, stayed up half the night doing schoolwork, basically took a nap, and did it all over again.

Right as I was graduating, my second daughter was born. Four years later, just as I thought I was finally getting my head above water, my son arrived.

Needless to say, it was hard. It was exhausting. I lost touch with most of my friends. I felt isolated. It seemed like 99.99% of my waking hours were spent working or taking care of my home and family.

I remember swearing to my mom that I would never miss those days.

Well, now the kids are all but grown. Our oldest is in her third year of college. Our younger daughter is a teenager and off with her friends most nights. Our son is 11.

And last night I said to my wife:

“When I look back on when the kids were really little, I feel nothing but nostalgia for all of it. All I remember is the good stuff. And I’d do it all over a million times if I could.”

For all the exhaustion, late nights, annoyances, interruptions, and everything else, I’d give almost anything to rock my kids to sleep again, to be woken up in the middle of the night by my daughter crying because she had a nightmare, to see my son with his snaggle tooth and goofy glasses crying because I wouldn’t buy him a pair of Paw Patrol slippers at Old Navy — an experience that happened time and again and was so aggravating to me at the time.

Those are the things I remember now, and they are all happy memories.

So, new dads: as exhausting as all of this is, I can promise you that when you look back 10 or 15 years from now, the hard parts will have faded.

What you’ll remember are those little smiling faces. Your kids jumping into your lap. Rocking your son or daughter to sleep. Reading their favorite book for the hundredth time and feeling them squirm with excitement because they know their favorite part is coming (while you struggle to keep your eyes open).

The exhaustion and frustration that seemed so enormous at the time will feel insignificant compared with what you got in return.

And the strange, kind of heartbreaking part is that someday you’ll wish you could have it back.

And you can’t.

So, as much as you can, show up for it.

Be there. Be present. Let yourself experience all of it—even the exhausting parts.

Savor as many of those ordinary little moments as you can, because someday you’ll realize they were extraordinary and fleeting.

You won’t do it perfectly. None of us do.
And your kids don’t need you to be perfect.
They just need you to show up.

My daughter for two weeks in a row had stolen the last bit of my son's milkshake without asking and trying to be sneaky. The first time I was very stern and only spoke with her about how it would make her feel, and that it wasn't right unless she asked for permission. Then the next time she did it again. My punishment idea was whenever we next got milkshakes she would go without and her brother would still get one but my wife thinks that is too far separated from the deed and we should do a punishment closer to the event. She suggested giving a half dessert at the next dessert option but I feel like that is pretty weak and wouldn't even bother her too much. She is 6 but she's super smart for her age.

Thoughts?

This morning my 6 year old was playing paw patrol at 6am and I overheard him tell one of the pups in his Ryder voice its ok Rubble, mistakes are opportunities. Its a phrase I always tell my kids when they make a mistake. I say it to them when I make a mistake as well and talk about how its an opportunity for me to be more patient or to learn something new.

When I grew up mistakes were finite. I was heavily penalized for them and constantly reminded about them. When my brother made a mistake we all suffered for it. When I made a mistake it was only me and I was either singled out or treated like I was invisible.

I feel like its easy to feel like Im not the best dad and can always do more. Its nice to see that Im at least doing something right and teaching my kids to be kinder to themselves when they make a mistake. Thanks for reading about my small win today.

Son was born a couple years back and my family have become top priority. Work feels meaningless now. Money has become more important than ever but I’m struggling to find motivation.

Anyone else encounter the same issue? Did you find a way get more motivated to work again?

EDIT: thank you all for your responses. A lot of us feel the same way about work. Even if we know it pays the bills, it can’t compare to spending time with our kids. Some of us have the view of doing it for the kids and while that’s admirable, i feel I’ll end up waking up dreading work each day with this mindset because I’ll be dragging myself through it.

Someone commented that we’ve got more reasons than ever to excel at work and well everything really. Work, finances, our relationships, being a great dad. We’re not just providing for our families but modeling what life is for men. Our kids will learn what to do and what not to from observing us and comparing us to other men they see. I’ll try to balance everything but also become better at what I do so that I can show my son what life looks like in this mode.

Btw, I don’t truly believe that work is meaningless because by working we serve others. It’s just felt that way for the past couple of years.

Time to continue moving forward. Thanks again all.

My wife had a baby a few days ago. When I look at this little guy my heart swells with so much love that it actually freaks me out and makes me a bit anxious lol. Is that part of the dad experience?

*edit. Thank you all for the helpful comments. I am starting to realize my issue is a managment issue, my managment issue. I have never used an ereader, so I think I just blanket banned because I didn't understand the tech. I will talk to my wife and my favorite search engine to show me how it works and how to manage the device. I will also sit down with my little dude and ask him to show me why he loves it. Thank you all again for the constructive criticism!

**2nd edit. I asked my wife to show me how to manage the device. I now see I was being a curmudgon and a bit of a luddite. It is easy to manage and I have a lot more to learn.

*Original Post

Hello fellow dads. I am the dad of an 11 year old reader. The main employable consequence we have as parent in my house is grounding from "screen time." My wife argues that a Kindle isn't a screen, it's just a reading device and it shouldn't count as a screen. I disagree.

He tends to use his Kindle as comic strip/graphic novel device when he is grounded from screens and I don't want to manage what he reads, the consequence for me is the removal of digital access to entertainment.

He has access to and utilizes our substantial physical library and large comic book/graphic novel collection. He can also check out what he wants from his school library and the two public libraries he has cards to.

My arguement is if he is grounded from screens, easy access to digital comics in his Kindle should be included. No screens is a boundary that is clearly enforcable for both parents. My wife argues he is in the middle of a book series, I think that he can either wait until the consequence is done or check out the book he is on in the series from one of the libraries he had access to.

I will admit I am a bit behind the times in the screen managment world, so the consequence is also about me being able to confidently enforce it as well as the rest I have stated. I also like that including his Kindle in "no screens" makes him have to use physical media and makes it just ever so slightly more "difficult" which in my mind reinforces the consequence.

What do y'all think?

My daughter is just over 2 years old. Last year I got her a Shotgun front bike seat, and it’s now one of our absolute favorite things to do together. I biked nearly every day growing up, but as life got busier I did it less and less.

Now we’re out multiple times a week. We pack snacks, grab a water bottle, and head off to the trails. I’m not usually one to post about or endorse products, but this has brought so much joy and healthy living into our house that I wanted to share. It’s not the cheapest option, but it’s been worth every penny.

If you’re looking for a way to spend some one-on-one time with your little one and get outside, I highly recommend it.

I just had my first child with my wife 2 months ago. I thought I'd get more ambition to work and get better jobs etc. but my whole perspective has changed.

I am not lazy, I've saved well over the years even though not being a super high earner.

I know I probably need to earn more if we have more kids and to give my wife more options, but I'm just not motivated to push more. I just want more time. The thought of spending more time commuting or working just isn't worth it. I want time with my wife and child and would sacrifice having more leftover money at the end of the month.

Is this normal?

I'd even just live month to month with some savings in the bank for the next 5 years than climb the ladder.

I literally don't care about a career anymore

My oldest is at the phase where they don't want to be touched, I ask for hugs and respect boundaries the best I can. Tonight my mother-in-law who has previous brain damage, a hard time regulating emotions, and no patience swooped in for big hugs and kisses.

My oldest said no multiple times, but she forced hugs and kisses on the cheek. I gave her a moment then told her to stop and ended up having to take my oldest away from her. She got all upset and said they were leaving immediately. I told her I have to respect my oldest's wishes and that I gave her a moment, but that's that.

After that she asked the 2.5 year old to give her a hug and was mad they didn't come fast enough. Pretty typical behavior for her, but I will never let my kids feel they are not safe around me or that I won't stand up for them.

I'm pretty proud of myself because it compliments my oldest recently asking me how I felt about something leading to us having the longest conversation we've had in a while. I'm not expecting any acknowledgement from them, but know I did the right thing and they won't forget that.

We have a 2-year-old who just started daycare 3 months ago, and every 2nd or 3rd week she's coming home sick with something. My wife hasn't been working for 2 years, and in the last year has been working towards opening her own business, but with the baby getting sick all the time, it's impossible for her to carve out time to get admin done on top of cleaning the house. Add to this the fact we're paying for 4 weeks of daycare and only getting 2 weeks of a month with how often she's at home sick, feels like a real kick in the teeth. So many of our friends have multiple kids, and whenever I show any doubt about having a second, they just throw it back like, "aww but she needs a friend!" and I get that. We always wanted to have 2, but in the last few months it seems like we're more alone than ever. My mother is having health issues, so she can't come babysit anymore. My brothers live an hour away and don't really have what it takes to help out, her brothers live close but don't show any interest. She has 2 sisters who would be great support, but they live on the other side of the world. We live near a lot of her friends but they all have their own kids/crazy work schedules, so we barely see them either. I feel like there's no way between us we could manage another kid and I think it would really break us apart with the stress if we tried to.

My kid (6) does not like any kind of threat in a TV or movie - someone going into somewhere slightly scary, a baddie briefly getting the upper hand, someone doing something slightly naughty. If there's even an inkling of threat, he gets really distressed and demands that we TURN IT OFF!!!!!!! It makes it impossible to watch anything other than saccharine kids stuff. There's so much stuff I want to show him! But he can't get past the mild threat necessary for any long-ish story to develop.

He also says that he wants to watch Star Wars. Like, dude, you have no idea...

When should this fear start to dissipate, or do we need to work with him in more depth so he can enjoy more TV shows and movies?

Hey everyone. Dad of 2 wonderful boys here (4yo and 1 week old). My 4yo starts his second year of preschool this week, however, my wife and I are beginning to have second thoughts about sending him at least until our infant can get his 2 month vaccines. From experience in his first year of preschool, it is not if but rather when will he get sick. To make matters worse, we were told by a fellow parent at his school that they do not vaccinate their children. Thankfully, both of our boys are exceptionally healthy.

What would you do? Send 4yo to preschool, take precautions when they come back home (change clothes, wash up) or keep him home altogether?

My daughter just turned 1 and is going to her first day of daycare tomorrow. I've cried twice already thinking about it. I know she will be fine and is going to play with other babies and eat new foods. But its so hard to trust anyone else to protect her other than myself and my wife. This first year has absolutely flown by and all I want to do is spend as much time as possible with her. Shes only going 3 days a week, so its not too bad. But im already thinking 18 years from now if she goes to college, ugh....I am going to fall apart. Or if she ever gets married, moves out of the house, etc. I know I have awhile before any of those milestones happen, and you better believe im going to savor ever single second with her between now and then. But if this is how I feel with her going to a daycare 10 minutes from our house....I might die when she moves out lol. I never imagined I could love anyone as much as I love her.

Not really looking for advice. I know she'll be ok. But damn, being a dad is going to really suck at times.

Today's submission:

My son (5) doesn't want to wear jeans on his birthday, in a month.

We have never mentioned this, but he apparently saw a picture of him in sweatpants at his party last year and connected the dots.

What do y'all have lately

My wife and I had our first baby a little over 3 months ago and since then she’s been dealing with really severe postpartum depression, anxiety and OCD. I love her and our daughter more than anything but I’m really struggling and I guess I’m looking for advice from other dads who have been through something similar.

My wife has a really hard time with the baby crying and feeding her can sometimes cause her to completely panic. And I don’t mean just getting overwhelmed. She’s had panic attacks where she’s rocking on the floor, hiding in the closet, and getting stuck in a loop in her head that she can’t get herself out of.

Because of that I’ve basically been the default parent since our daughter was born. I do most of the feeds and a lot of the day to day stuff. When my wife does try to take over I’m constantly worried that something is going to set her off and I’m going to end up having to take the baby anyway while also trying to help my wife through a panic attack. I’ve actually caught myself just doing things myself instead of asking my wife to feed her or take her because in my head it’s easier than risking everything blowing up. I know that’s probably not helping things long term but after 3 months of this I feel like I’m constantly trying to prevent the next crisis.

I also feel like I can’t really leave. My wife isn’t going to hurt our daughter or anything like that. I’m not worried about that. But when she has a really bad panic attack she basically can’t function and I don’t know what would happen if I wasn’t there to take over.

We don’t have family that’s really able to help us and she doesn’t trust babysitters or nannies, so I feel like I’m always on call.
I’m starting to get angry and irritable and then I feel like shit for being angry because I know she didn’t choose any of this. She’s obviously suffering too and I know this isn’t the experience she wanted either.

I think one of the things I’m struggling with the most is that WE wanted this baby so badly. I pictured us figuring all of this out together and instead I feel like I’m taking care of our daughter and taking care of my wife at the same time. I feel really fucking alone.
I don’t even know how to talk to my wife about how I’m feeling because I’m afraid she’ll just feel guilty and spiral even more. So most of the time I just keep it to myself.

For the dads who have been through severe PPD/PPA/OCD with their wives, what did you actually do? How did you get through the period where you felt like you had to handle everything? How did you get time for yourself when you didn’t feel comfortable leaving mom alone with the baby?
And did things eventually start feeling normal again?
I’m not looking to leave my wife or anything like that. I love her and I know she’s sick. I’m just exhausted from feeling like I have to hold everything together all the time and I don’t really know what to do anymore.

Edit because I forgot to mention: She’s been trying to get her psych meds right. Waiting on those to kick in/find right combo and dose. Also starting new therapist this week. Just been a long process

I’ve been enjoying the side content at the US Open where players talk about their backgrounds and how many of them grew up playing multiple sports. It got me thinking... when do I even start doing that with my kids? Any dads in here have experience with this? When did you start introducing different sports, and what worked well?

Also, maybe I’m just noticing it more now, but everything seems so expensive. Camps, lessons, private coaching... it adds up fast. Are there any sports that are still reasonably affordable for families, or is that just the reality these days?

My wife is in 3rd trimester. I am 1 1/2 years into my contract as an infantryman in the army. So working from home simply isn’t an option. Like to skateboard, actually, I love to skateboard, my one true passion. Skateboarding takes a lot of time, it’s a perishable skill so I try to stay consistent. Lately my wife’s emotions have changed her as a person entirely. Which from what I read is expected. I uber on the my days off to make extra $. So I’m far from a “lazy guy” (so I think). Lately the topic is “you spend more time skating then you do with me”…
So okay, got 9 days of block leave. Spent the first 3 days strictly with her. Took her to the state fair, took her to a hot air balloon launch in our town, even hosted a bbq with about 7 neighbors total, while also spending time with her 1 on 1 inside the house.
It really never feels like enough. Idk. From what I read, everything checks out . However, Here’s some things she’s said that really shocked me. Where I’m damn near laughing in my head like “holy shit. Is this my wife actually talking?”

“If we were stationed here I’d break up with you”

“I’m tired of this relationship”

“I want to move home and start my life without you, to keep our daughter safe” ——-FROM WHAT? My late night farts???!!!

“I never want to have a kid with you again”

“I’ll never want my daughter to be with someone like you”

At least I can say the military has taught me to take shit to the chin and really decide what I take personally and not. But when it’s your wife saying this stuff, it’s more challenging than some random dude who’s a SGT that you don’t give 2 fucks about.

We went from living in the slums of one of the worst cities in America, to living on the side of a mountain where our front porch oversee’s the city. But I’m still a shit bag …

And no, I’m definitely not a perfect husband, I actually have a lot I need to work on. We’re both 24yr/o and this is our first time becoming a parent.

Idk. Shits rough. Just tell me yours guys stories , let me know I’m not the only one who gets nagged on like this

Don’t have a lot of friends,i’m 24 and most of the people i work with my age are still going out every night and in a different way point in my life. so i don’t really hang or talk to anyone to much but i wanna have a fun fantasy league where we all chat and shit talk, maybe down the road it can be a yearly league of anyone is interested just pm me i’ll set the draft for tmrw when it works for everyone

I was looking for a stroller and found a Chicco travel system on From Rebel that already comes with the car seat which is what I wanted. The price is really good compared to what I’ve been seeing everywhere else and that has me a little skeptical. I’m not too worried about the box being perfect but since it’s a bigger purchase I’m curious about the actual ordering experience. Mainly how long did yours take to arrive? I don’t want to order thinking I found an amazing deal and then end up waiting forever for it to show up.