I'm 35 but I've only ever been in three relationships so this is breaking new ground for me. First girlfriend dumped me by text, second relationship I ended as I wasn't in love. Which brings me to the current relationship.

I still really love her but the relationship is doomed to fail for structural reasons. Basically she lives 10,000 km from me. I have a seven year old daughter and maintaining this relationship has meant sacrificing way too much time with my daughter. For the last 3 years I've spent an average of 4.5 months out of my country. It can't go on.

In some ways I also associate this relationship with escapism. Not from my daughter but from many aspects of life I hate in my own country and traumatic childhood memories and dysfunctional parents. But love is also a big part of it.

I need to do what's best for my child rather than me. And it's taken me way too long to come to terms with this. I have a lot of healing to do but I'm struggling to get through the breaking up part; the doing what I need to do.

This is because the rose tinted glasses of this particular connection make me prize its rarity. I feel like I'll never meet anyone like this person again with this particular sense of humour and this strong of a sexual compatability. I feel destined to loneliness while she moves on straight away.

And I'm looking for advice I guess.

We had an established court visitation/custody schedule set when my daughter was only 5 months old:
Original court schedule:
Tuesday, Thursday & Friday: 6:30–9:30 PM
Sunday: 8 AM–8 PM

We followed this for almost a year and a half and made some mutually agreed modifications along the way.
For months, I had been trying to negotiate a schedule with fewer trips and longer, more consistent parenting blocks because I’m always the one picking up and dropping off my daughter. We finally mutually agreed about a month ago to:
Week A:
Tuesday: 6:30–10 PM
Friday 5 PM – Saturday 8 PM
Week B:
Tuesday: 6:30–10 PM
Friday: 6:30–10 PM
Saturday 8 PM – Sunday 8 PM
I personally found this schedule much better. There are fewer trips, I get more time with my daughter, and I feel like we have better opportunities for bonding instead of constantly driving back and forth.
Now, after only a month with this schedule, her mother wants to change it again. She wants me to pick up my daughter for an additional weekday from 6:30–10 PM.
When I asked why, she said it’s because she decided to take 5 college classes while also working around 30 hours a week on the side, and she needs more time to handle everything.
I completely understand wanting to finish school. We became parents young and I understand that she may feel delayed because of that. However, I don’t feel like I should take on additional parenting time simply because she decided to take on a heavier school/workload.
I’m also a full-time worker and a student. I work 9–5 Monday–Friday and I’m currently taking 2 college classes because I know how stressful school can be & taking on more than that would make it hard for me to focus on my daughter while working and being a parent. I understand that my personal goals may take longer because I’m a parent, but my daughter is my main priority.
I’m willing to help when I can, and I’ve always made accommodations for sick days, birthdays, celebrations, trading days, etc. But I don’t feel that I can commit to another permanent weekday. I also provide financial support that we mutually agreed on (around 18% of my salary), and we agreed to split doing our daughter’s laundry 50/50.
She’s now saying that’s not enough and wants to revert back to the original court order, which specifies that weekday visitation takes place at her home.
The problem is that she has previously told me that her parents no longer want me inside their home. I don’t know exactly why, but I don’t feel comfortable being there either, and I certainly don’t want to force myself into someone’s home. This is one of the reasons I had been trying to establish a mutually agreed schedule that allowed me to pick up and drop off my daughter.
The driving is also a major issue for me. Driving to and from her home takes about 30–40 minutes each way, sometimes longer. Doing this multiple times during the week after working all day is exhausting. I feel like it also takes away from the actual quality time I have with my daughter, and I’m concerned about constantly being on the road when I’m already exhausted from work.
I offered to extend my time on the weekend instead, but she declined because she wants to have one weekend day to spend with our daughter and her parents.
At this point, negotiations have become tense and I’m running out of options. The main solution I suggested was for her to reduce her course load by 1–2 classes if she is struggling to balance everything. She declined.
Out of frustration, I eventually told her that if she feels she cannot manage her parenting responsibilities, I would be willing to take full physical custody. I said this partly because I also question how much of her parenting time she is actually spending with our daughter. I frequently pick my daughter up & drop off with her relatives rather than directly from her mother, and her brother (who is 16) also babysits her fairly often.
So I’m looking for advice:
Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to add another permanent weekday because she decided to take 5 college classes while working?
Is there a better parenting schedule you would recommend that reduces the amount of driving while giving both parents meaningful time with our daughter?
Should I continue trying to negotiate, or should I go back to the court and have the schedule formally modified?
If the original court order says weekday visitation is supposed to take place at the child’s residence, but her family has told me I’m no longer welcome inside the residence and that I should simply pick up and drop off my daughter, would I actually be violating the order by refusing to return to the old arrangement?
Does it matter that we’ve mutually followed a different schedule for the past month?
I’m not looking to take my daughter away from her mother. I want both of us to have a healthy relationship with her. I’m mainly looking for a schedule that is consistent, realistic, reduces unnecessary driving, and gives our daughter meaningful time with both parents.
What would you guys recommend?

My son is 9 months old and I think my relationship with my partner is heading toward separation. I haven’t been happy for a while, and it’s mostly come to a head since he was born.

Some context on what’s been going on:
• I’m not able to take my son out by myself. Not because I’m incapable — my partner just feels like everything should always be done as a “3.” Things like father-son bonding walks in the pram, which most parenting advice actually recommends, she doesn’t see as necessary.
• There are heavy safety restrictions around public spaces — avoiding places because of dogs (which is her fear, not something our son has shown any reaction to), constant worry about him touching any plant or flower in case it’s poisonous, and refusing to use public changing rooms.
• She has what feels like an unhealthy attachment to her parents — visiting their house every day from 9am to 6pm, staying over every Friday, and wanting two family holidays abroad a year that would eat up 20/25 days of my annual leave.
• My social life has taken a hit I should go to every meet up with friends which isnt a frequent thing but I should always drive there in case of an emergency with our son, even when she’s home, sober, and has full access to a car.

Whenever I try to raise any of this, I get told I’m either putting him at risk or stopping him from making memories. It’s exhausting having every concern reframed as me being the problem.

Has anyone been through something similar preferably in the UK ?Does anybody have any experiences for separating at 9 months? Things like overnight stays, split time, handovers — how does that typically work with a baby this young, and how did you and your ex figure it out?

It’s been 2 years and she refuses to pay. Quit her job and is dodging or not getting any consequences. What can be done? Any feedback is appreciated.

My ex's affair partner who she still dating was recently introduced to our kids. They like him which is good. He lives in the other side of the country though and when they visit there they usually stay with her parents.

He's planning on staying with my ex temporarily during the holidays.

My only concern here is his use of steroids. He's a body builder and looks like the hulk. It makes me uncomfortable him being around my kids if hes still abusing them. His brother told me he abused them in 2024. I spoke with his ex wife about the affair they had in April 2025 who confirmed his abuse as well.

My lawyer is aware of my concerns but I wasn't sure they were even still dating until recently. Plus, he was never really going to be around my kids too much until they told me he's visiting my ex during the holidays.

Can I make this guy do a piss test or something? Is this worth bringing to my lawyers? His ex wife did say she didn't think he would be violent towards children but you never know with steroids is my position.

It was Father’s Day yesterday here in Australia. My child is a little too young to fully understand or appreciate what I do for them yet. And certainly too young to know it was Father’s Day. I saw on social media, wives’ and partners acknowledging their husbands and partners for being great father’s.

Part of me was a little envious and sad that I didn’t have that. But a greater part of me felt a genuine comfort in not having that. My ex-wife would belittle me, dismiss and really prevent me from being a father. I have 50:50 custody, and I no longer have to stress if my child doesn’t have a bath one night, or is out a little later, or their clothes haven’t been washed in detergent made by the semen of baby albino goats.

Instead, I can just exist. I wanted so badly for my ex-wife to acknowledge that I was a good dad. But her definition was much different to mine. Now without those conflicting values and judgement in my life, I can be a great father.

I’m still healing, and I expected the day to be hard. But it wasn’t. It was the opposite. My parents made an effort, and that meant a lot. But the most rewarding part was that I’m realising that I don’t need the appreciation from a partner or anyone else. I don’t even really need explicit appreciation from my child. I know I’m a great dad.

Last week my daughter’s mother, who I’ve been separated from for a few months, picked up our daughter from daycare while at four times the legal limit. She pretended to be on the phone so the daycare workers wouldn’t notice, and on the way out to the car she fell on top of my child. She cracked open her head and her face and was taken to the hospital, so there are records of her blood alcohol content.

CPS got involved and told me she is not to be around our daughter. The court granted me a protective order for my child. She is currently in detox, and I don’t know what to expect when she gets out.

I’ve filled out all the court paperwork for sole custody and child support. Is there anything else I should be doing? Any advice on what comes next would help. She has prior DUI convictions, and while drunk she has hit me numerous times, which I have documented on video.

Dad to four kids; ages 20,17,8, and 6. Me and their mother were together for 20 years. One minute I’m so happy it’s finally over, the next I don’t know who I am. We have a signed and notarized 50/50 agreement without the courts. Includes residence proximity and school district clauses as well as tax implications, health insurance, right of first refusal, and holiday schedule.

Are we missing anything in the agreement?

How did you find yourself after a long relationship? I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore. Our relationship was hell and didn’t leave ambition to do much of anything.

Sorry for the scatterbrained post. Per the title I’m a bit lost.

I can meet women and have sex or whatever, but I don't even want that anymore. I look at most of the girls on hinge and it's a lot of rooftop cocktails, travel to the same six countries, contrived power poses. I'm sure most of them are fine, but at this point, I'd rather be alone.

Tried to keep the title as short as possible but do y’all think that the way you treat the mother of our child dictate wether or not you should be “allowed” to see your child more or not. Like if she considered how you treat her bad. Not bad as in abusive but if you’re just like not on her side most of the time and not giving her what she wants, not related to the child. I feel personally as long as I treat our child well and don’t harm him, it shouldn’t matter if I upset the feelings of the mother.

To all brothers out there, do you have a book in mind that somehow helped or is helping you tide over this very difficult situation.

I'm trying to look for literature. We can have a list that anyone of us can access or find in any library that we can read to understand what is happening and help in the healing process.

It can be fiction, nonfiction, self help books, inspirational, biography or any kind.

Please post your recommended reading here. For everyone who needs help.

Thanks.

From a brother in need.

(Context: Mother of my 18-month old daughter woke up one day and told me she wants to leave because she's not happy with the relationship with me. She said she's choosing herself this time. Few hours later she left with my daughter. My soul is crushed. I was a very active father to my daughter from the day she was born until she was taken away)

Here's a running list from you so it's easier to see:

1. The Courage to be Disliked - ichiro kishimi and fumitake kogaI

2. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

3. The Art of Resilience

"21 months. That's how much time I've had taken from my Child over 3 years. 7 emergency DVRO filings. Every single one dismissed, denied or withdrawn. And yet here I am again — another 5 month wait for a court to hear evidence that will once again confirm what's already been confirmed 6 times. Yet the new Fiance of Mother (who's only other relationship he's ever had was when he was 21 and she was 15.....) now he lives with my daughter in a 250 Sq Ft. illegal ADU with no doors or private bedrooms.. And this is after a 6 month "stay away order" was just released from being on him not being able to be around my child. (not like that ever stopped him though)....

I know some of you are living this exact situation right now. The exhaustion. The financial destruction. The helplessness of doing everything right and still losing time with your kid.

I built something for dads like us. No link because Reddit will flag it — but if you search SoloDad app you'll find it. Free to use. Built by a dad who needed it and it didn't exist.

To whoever is in the middle of this fight tonight — I see you. Keep getting up."

I am curious if it’s the ‘norm’ to not have your child’s mother check in whatsoever during your parenting time? My son’s mother has aggressively attempted to force me out of his life since he was born and has tried every legal remedy available, she often claims that I’m ‘dangerous’ etc.. yet she’s never checked in on his wellbeing once, he’ll be two in November. Feels weird.

My ex-wife (37F) had an affair and left me for a woman two years ago. I filed for divorce and have 50/50 custody which was finalized a year ago. My ex has a lot of mental illnesses including PTSD, OCD, Severe panic disorder. The marriage was awful, and centered around regulating her all the time.

She has been manipulating and maliciously harassing me through means that I haven’t been able to have action taken on. It started small like trying to get me ejected from my daughter’s softball game because I approached her and calmly asked why our daughter hadn’t even played outfield yet at inning 4.

Her girlfriend constantly makes disrespectful or disparaging remarks to our daughter - in June she said on the phone to my daughter “your dad is a fucking loser” I confront her and she just denies it.

Then it started getting a lot worse. We hand off at the police station and her girlfriend called my employer after a handoff and falsely alleged I was criminally dangerous in my company car during hand off. She threatened to go to police, but I confirmed she never did. My work didn’t care at all about details, I almost lost my job over it and I’m now under a microscope.

I tried filing a motion in court to stop it and put a gag order on discussing the stuff with the kids, but the judge threw it out immediately, saying my requests were a “laundry list”.

Emboldened, the same day she called 911 for a wellness check on me because I didn’t answer her phone call telling her where the kids and I were (we were at my brothers house my kids were hanging with their cousins) and would only communicate by text.

She constantly shit talks me to my kid and lets her girlfriend do it too. They both push on the kids that they never had an affair and that I’m angry and dangerous. I’ve never laid a hand on her or the kids, I’m a regulated, consistent, loving and emotionally aware dad.

I am exhausted. These occurrences and shadow harassments are chipping away at me. I’ve tried to limit contact, grey rock and hold the line but I’m exhausted. She’s more crazy as an ex wife than she was as a spouse and not even court would stop her so I don’t know what to do. Maybe other guys at least have been through something similar.

Anybody else feel you don't know what to do with yourself, when you're not with your kids and the memories of spending long weekends away as a family are still too fresh? I know eventually it will get better, at least evolve into something that's not so painful. But right now, this really sucks.

Looking for tips on doing my five year old’s hair on school mornings. Hers is long and tangles overnight. I can manage a basic ponytail, but most things beyond that are over my head. Any go-to styles or detangling tricks would be appreciated. Thanks!

Trying to sum this down as much as I possibly can but I met this Japanese girl and we had a kid and we divorced it was just a lot of disrespect I was dealing with even went as far to leave the military.

Since then I've been trying to plan their visits here to Texas either herself or both of them since 2023 during the holidays and random events here in Texas but with her never reaching back about anything and have went so far to just buy the ticket and say catch the flight pretty much. I've even visited once a year.

For the past few years I've been manipulated by her and told untrue and a lot of hidden secrets. I've given their the opportunity to just let me know like if you're dating someone or whatever and she never came forward. Last year when I visited she told me that she was taking care of someone else's kid and literally just two days ago she told me the kid was actually hers after these past 3 months of trying to go to therapy and spending upwards to $2,000 just on flight changes alone.

I wouldn't have been mad but to hide that you have a kid and now she's in America and told me that she's married as well and has been asking me for money weekly every month since June I'm going to start fighting for custody from America to Japan. I am truly sad I really wasn't the best I said a lot of mean things but I've always try to give her the benefit of the doubt and now she's in America trying to get a green card with no plans of going back until the Green card process is finished to take care of her now two kids.

Fellow dads you can probably relate to this of really trying your best with someone who genuinely just doesn't listen and put their emotions first. Someone who makes terrible decisions and you try your best to help them and hope the best for them just to be blindsided.

Throwaway. Married. Two kids, 7 and almost 2. I thought we were building the family we promised each other.

After COVID, her service-industry work disappeared. She stayed home with our oldest and we bought a house on my income. A couple years later I helped her get back to work and change careers. I was proud of her. I poured a lot of myself into helping her get traction, and it felt good to watch her light up. For a while we even shared a professional world. Working toward the same thing with her felt like the marriage at its best.

Then life put real weight on us. A few years ago, my father had a massive stroke in the middle of his own divorce. I became his power of attorney in a long, ugly estate fight. He is fully disabled. I have spent years giving that crisis time I still feel guilty for not giving my marriage and my girls. I believed a spouse would understand that a son's duties can pull him into something that large without it meaning he chose his father over his wife. That is not how it landed.

Then our paths split professionally. She stayed at the company and kept rising. I had to start over. Not long after our second child, I started seeing something I did not want to see: the job was filling a place the family used to fill. I felt like we were being managed around her work instead of the work fitting around us. I buried that. I told myself I was being insecure. I told myself that she would figure it out. I got quieter about it and then louder about everything else.

Over the last year the marriage went cold and then high conflict. I own my side of this equation. I wasn't managing the stress of weight I was carrying. I became dysregulated. I got loud. I shut down after long stretches of feeling shut out. She told me she had outgrown me, which cut me deeply. She asked me to start therapy. I did, immediately, and I have stayed in it for more than a year. It has helped me. It hasn't "fixed" me. She would not do her own work and would not do couples/marriage counseling. I went from feeling like an adult partner to feeling like I could not metabolize the criticism, the distance, the withholding of intimacy, her emotional absence, or the sense that my time and emotional life were owed to her. I would hold it until I could not, and then I would blow.

From where I sat, repair was one-sided. From where she sat, this is all on me. I still do not understand waking up and being done with the life we had built. I would have stayed in the hard part if it kept us under the same roof with our kids. I thought that was the deal. I still feel that obligation in every fiber my being.

This summer, right before my father's case was going to turn a real corner, my marriage went from “we are struggling” to court overnight. A shock and awe campaign on her part that has left my entire family struggling to understand what happened. I am not looking for legal advice. I have a lawyer. I am looking for other fathers who have been in this exact spot.

My real problem is that I still love her. I still want the life we said we were making. But I also know that life is gone, and that chasing a conversation with her will not bring it back. We have two young children, and we will have to deal with each other for the next decade and a half. I am terrified of what a broken home does to them. I am also terrified of becoming the dad who keeps litigating the marriage inside the parenting.

I am trying to stay present for them. It is hard to look at their faces and not see her and not feel the love that made them. They were not accidents. They were not a compromise. They came from two people who wanted a life together. I need to stop demanding that the end of that life make sense because it never will.

What I need from men who already lived this:

1. How did you stop craving a closing conversation that is never coming?
2. What actually worked for keeping contact kid-only when you still felt bonded or when she tries to re-engage you with breadcrumbs, texts, and hallway conversations that feel like the old her?
3. How did you stay a steady father on the weeks you did not have your children, without using them as a way to stay attached to her?
4. What did you do in the first 90 days that you later wished you had not done (online, in texts, or in court energy)?

I am trying to get through the intense tidal waves of grief that hit out of nowhere and still be the father my kids deserve for the rest of their childhood. I am not trying to win the narrative of the marriage on the internet. If you were the discarded father with young children, and you found a way to put the marriage down without putting the kids down with it, I need to hear how you did it.

So me (38 m) have a son (recently 11 m) and I'm noticing the signs of those years are knocking on the door. Kinda nervous about navigating this and also kinda excited watching my boy. Literally a whirlwind of emotions. Would be cool to talk to any other dad's especially single for advice and to get some thoughts out.

Could Use some advice here guys. Youngest has driving school coming up to get her license it's appearing to be anywhere from $500 to $800. Something I put into child support and hope that's where the money goes? Do you make a payment above and beyond maybe directly to the school from your behalf? Give the money directly to the child?

It’s not any easier when you can find strangers for a night or week. I’m a good looking guy, successful, awesome dad. At the end of the day, I’m alone. I asked a single mom if she was “interested in teaming up to fight this shit together”. She said no. Then called me when her car broke down lol

Hey guys going through a seperation. I’m thinking of starting an instagram account to inspire Single dads or 50/50 dads. Showing me and my kids adventures camping/hiking/dad duties or the busy life of a single or 50/50 dad like balancing work/gym/routines. Think it would be a good idea or a waste of time because no one cares for that stuff on instagram?

Me and my ex had an instagram account showing our blended family dynamics which went alright we even had a company on board with us at the time but its now been deleted

Any feedback what you guys would like to see to grow my page if I start one.

Just a shout out to my fellow Aussie single dads.

Being a good single dad is hard. Don't give up.