Like the title says…the guy that I’m talking to told me last night that I ruined the moment bc I wasn’t good at riding him. For context: we were having sex, I was riding him, I finished, he asked to eat me out and I said okay and when I was done with that I said well okay get on top and he said that he was soft because I “ruined the moment”. I got embarrassed and he asked what’s wrong.

He started off by asking “do you like being on top?” And I said I already felt insecure about it and I don’t necessarily like it but I’ll do it. Then he said “well I don’t like when you’re on top” and I left at that point. I felt embarrassed and humiliated and I’ll I could think about is how I’m not enough. So I left.

We’ve only been dating for 4 months and I feel like this shouldn’t be happening and that I’m the worst at sex.

He’s finished many many times before but with him on top and he’s finished when I’ve given him head but this made me want to leave the relationship altogether. Am I overreacting?

**TL;DR; : Guy I’ve been talking to for 4 mths said I wasn’t good at riding and I made him go soft. He’s finished other times with missionary and head.**.

A few weeks ago, I posted about asking my girlfriend to spend more time together because we had only been seeing each other about once a week or so.

After making the post, I texted her saying, “Because we’re getting more serious, I’d like to see you a little bit more.”

At first, things seemed to go well. She said she’d like to see me more too, and asked if I wanted to go on a camping trip with her. I said sure.

Now, let me lay some background for the scenario. We met about two months prior and started dating immediately. It seemed like there was a great connection between us. I took her on a super nice first date.

A week later, I got laid off. I enjoy going to concerts and fancy dinners, but I had no income and got denied unemployment, so I started living off savings and couldn’t really go out. We had just started dating and she had a bunch of prescheduled stuff with her friends, like trips and things that I couldn’t have gone on even under better circumstances.

So, we did stuff while she was here and then she’d often take off out of state for the weekend. At first, things went well. After 6 weeks, I asked her to go steady and she said yes. A few weeks later was when I made the post.

I’d been out of work for around 2 months and I was leaning on her a bit. Things weren’t going great in my life, but I was dating someone I really liked, even if she was gone a lot.

So, I ask her to spend more time together. We talked and she said she’d like that. The next day, she calls me and says that she thinks we’re moving too fast. I’m pretty surprised because I thought we were moving maybe even a little slow compared to my prior experiences.

We talked and didn’t settle anything that night. We talked again the day after and she said that she was going to take some space. This seemed like a complete 180 from where we were two days before.

We barely talked for the next two weeks. One of the reasons I wanted to spend more time with her was because she was going on a trip to the Pacific Northwest for 10 days, and I wanted to see her because she was gonna be gone for a while.

We start talking a bit more after giving each other space. She said that she didn’t want to keep dating me because I don’t have a job.

That hit me like a brick. I was laid off by surprise right when we got together, and I had started applying immediately. I did dozens of interviews, drummed up some freelance work, and did odd jobs. I’d already taken a major loss from the job, and this felt like being kicked while I was down. It hurt even more because I’d been hustling to find work.

She told me this a couple of days before her trip. I got a job offer 3 days later. She’s currently in the PNW. I start on Thursday. We are no longer together.

TL;DR Asked GF to spend more time together. She said yes then essentially broke up with me the next day because I had no job. I got a job 3 days later.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/YmTos9Jm11

My(27) girlfriend(26) has two childhood friends, a man and a woman, we will address them as A and B respectively . They’ve all known each other since school. A and B was having crush to each other but they were not in a relationship.

B is now married and has a child, but she says she doesn’t have an emotional connection with her husband.A and B used to call each other while both of them were in different countries . Now both are back in their Native, and the three of them, including my girlfriend, met for coffee recently. During that meeting, A and B kissed.

B now wants to be with her old crush, while A is also looking for marriage proposals. My girlfriend thinks B isn’t thinking clearly and has told her that A is unlikely to marry her because she is already married and has a child.

My issue is that when I say what her friends did was morally wrong, my girlfriend becomes defensive and says I don’t understand their situation. I told her that if B is unhappy in her marriage, she should address it or get divorced instead of having an affair.
I’m not asking my girlfriend to cut off her childhood friends. But I’m concerned that she seems to defend or justify their actions because they are her friends.

Am I right to see this as a concern about our values regarding loyalty and cheating, or am I being too judgmental?

tl;dr:My girlfriend’s married childhood friend kissed her old school crush. My girlfriend says she understands their situation, while I feel cheating is wrong regardless. I’m worried we may have different views on loyalty.

I’m pretty sure I’m not in the wrong here but I’d love feedback. My husband is always doing passive aggressive stuff like this and it’s messed with my sense of what’s normal. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy the past week but I got up and did some housecleaning and errands this morning. My husband worked on his bike out in the garage, then took a nap. I started a show and laid down on the couch, he got up and started cooking in the kitchen while blasting music. This is 10 feet from where I am laying down. He starts singing loudly and playing the piano along with the blasting music. I yelled, I’m watching a show can you turn that down? And he yelled for me to go upstairs, which I refused to do. He just does shit like this all the time. Anyone else ever dealt with someone who does this?

tl;dr husband tries to intentionally destroy my peace whenever he’s irritated by anything whether I’ve caused it or not

2 of my friends who are also friends with each other decided to stop talking to me and when i asked why they said that I am a larper and that I always wanna show off my hobbies.

This was very confusing to hear since I honestly don't bring up my hobbies too much unless I made something I think is cool so i tell them about it.

Idk if they are maybe jealous because they don't have real hobbies and they sit around playing fortnite and rocket league the whole day (which btw i dont really care, i honestly do play games all day sometimes). But honestly i decided that if they will stop talking to me for some stupid reason like that then i would also stop talking to them. Also i wanna add that we have known each other for more than 5 years.

do you think I'm being silly or is the whole situation just immature, because I honestly feel like its the latter.

TL;DR - my [17M] friends are not talking to me because they think I am showing off my hobbies.

i’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and we live together. he has a cat and i find myself getting jealous when he gives the cat more attention than me. i find myself getting jealous when he gives his friends more attention than me. i know it’s entirely my problem and not his. i know rationally i should not be jealous over his cat or his friends. but knowing that doesn’t make the jealous feeling go away. i can tell myself over and over that i should not feel jealous or upset but that doesn’t make the feelings or thoughts stop. i feel really bad because i am kind of a jerk to him about it sometimes. i am in therapy but it doesn’t seem to help so far. i don’t know what to do. this is also my first relationship and i had no idea i would be like this or i wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship.

tl;dr i have jealousy issues and don’t know how to make them go away even though i am self aware about it.

today is so emotional for me because it's feeling like i'm giving up on someone i love. me (22f) and him (21m) have been together a month off of 4 years and i can't shake feeling like im throwing away (or have thrown away) 4 years of my life. i truly thought he was the love of my life. he was my high school sweetheart. he's still the first person i think about in the morning and the last at night, even when i decided that i needed to do this. despite all the love, i just know now is the time to let go.

i've outgrown him to put it bluntly. i'm ambitious and back it up with pushing for promotions and getting a degree. he's ambitious with nothing to show for it, wishing he would get a higher position but not taking risks like i do. i wanted to get engaged this year, get married in the next few years and then have kids. he dragged his feet. then when i was about to go on a break with him 2 years ago, he proposed. over the phone. without a ring. and maybe i was stupid. maybe it was my past insecurities and how little i valued myself. but i said yes. and wasted 2 whole years waiting for something that was never going to come, because he admitted it friday night. he proposed so i wouldn't leave. and that was it for me. i felt bad for thinking this way, but my friends talked me out of staying. i do deserve more than that.

today is tuesday now and it's 5:35 in the morning. i'll go to work and i finish at 1. i'll see him after that and ill be single for the first time in 4 years. i'm going to miss him so much and i feel and still will feel guilt for this, but if it doesn't push him to grow up and understand the consequences of his actions, i don't know what will. we could try again in the future, im not sure. i am sure though that this is right, even if it breaks my heart.

ps: please don't say im young, that im inexperienced or anything like that. i dont want to hear things i already know.

EDIT: sorry i said he proposed 2 years ago, i genuinely cant remember if it was 2 years ago or 1 year ago (im on medication that makes memory a lil fuzzy)

tldr; im breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years because he only proposed to stop me leaving. he needs to grow up emotionally and professionally before i'll give him another chance (if i ever do)

I've started noticing this behavior in my (32F) boyfriend (39M) where it feels like he views our relationship like a contest that he has to be winning.

He's been having a hard time at the moment because he lost his job and is having trouble finding a new one. Because of that, I've been trying to pick up more things around the house. I do more of the chores, pay for things more often and when he's had a stressful day/week, I've been trying to do something nice for him like make a favorite meal.

His reaction to these things has been somewhere between neutral and super negative.

The worst of this was this week where he went out to see friends and was in a really good mood when he got back because he'd made some plans for the weekend. I asked him about that a bit more, we were being playful with each other and then his mood sort of snapped, he called me a b---- and said I was treating him like a child. When I asked where that came from, he said it was the tone I was speaking to him in, when I was being enthusiastic about what he was talking about.

He apologised in the morning and I set a clear boundary, but it's sort of opened my eyes to a bunch of other behaviour where he treats almost every aspect of our relationship like a competition.

If I do something nice for him, he doesn't take it as a sign of me caring for him or voice any appreciation, he views it as a debt that I've tallied up.

He thinks me asking to spend time together is a demand on his attention, and talks about it like I'm taking something from him.

He doesn't like me initiating sex, he has said that it feels like me trying to take control/try and force an emotional response from him, so if I initiate, he'll just shut me down.

If I bring up something that's a genuine issue, I'm attacking him, and when we do have conflict about something, if I say "when you do x, it makes me feel y", he usually responds with "well you do that too". It takes us ages to get to actually talking about solutions.

If I talk about stuff I care about and am interested in, he complains about me being "too interesting to want to date him" and thinks I'm trying to say he's boring. He's once told me that I'm "too good to him" and it makes him feel inferior.

Honestly, it's just exhausting.

We're stuck in a loop at the moment, where he keeps starting conversations that feel like judgement/criticism (i.e. "I'm surprised you don't care about xyz more", "why would anyone do xyz like that?") and then gets annoyed/surprised when those turn into disagreements. It feels like we can't go a week without one of those blowing up into something big.

He'll say he didn't intend for the conversation to be combative, will often ask me why I keep turning things into arguments, and put the blame for that solely on me being emotionally dysregulated.

Honestly, that has become a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy as well, because it's hard to be around him right now without feeling really on edge and that means I am much less resilient to whatever criticism is coming next.

From his view, I'm too sensitive, too emotional, too closed off and take everything to heart/too seriously and I think there's probably some truth in that. I do struggle to trust that he has good intentions/that he cares about me, but that's really hard when absolutely every topic seems like him trying to win a fight.

Under this bunch of defensive, hurt responses, he can be a really caring, intelligent person who I love spending time with, but right now it feels like I'm just being lashed out at repeatedly.

Has anyone else had this experience, and did you find a way to break out of it?

Tldr - boyfriend treats our relationship like a contest and it's exhausting us both

Hey everyone, anyone not tell their first time that they were their first time?

I (20F) recently lost my virginity and did not tell the man (20m) that I was a virgin. We arnt together, I didn’t wanna put any pressure on him for us to be together / scare him off, etc. And, I kinda just wanted to get it over with.

I’ve had long term relationships in the past, but I never felt “ready.” Sex was honestly a source of great anxiety. The more they asked, the more I ran away from the relationship.

I have mixed feelings about it now. I feel kinda shitty to the guy because I was a mess. It was awkward. And I feel him pulling back / loosing interest which sucks.

I know this is the consequences of my own actions, but, does anyone have any similar experiences?

Please be kind in the replies.

tldr: did u tell the person u lost ur virginity to that u were a virgin? i didn’t - what now?

I (19F) and my bf (18M) have been together since high school and we’ve had sex a lot of the times we’ve been together. But i’m not really a sexual person. I don’t think about it sex or like do intimate stuff to myself. Sometimes i’ll watch porn but then I feel really gross when i’m done with it and it’s probably like once if at all a month. I really enjoy kissing my bf but at the same time when he touches me or kisses parts of my body it’s like i become so emotionless towards him. I am attracted to him A LOT. But when i go without sex for awhile i just feel like empty so when it does happen I just feel emotionless. I don’t want to leave him or anything I love him so much. I don’t want to hear that we are young and I should leave him. I just want to understand why my body does this. It’s not even like i’m not aroused by him i just feel deeply uncomfortable when he tries to look at my butt or something. I have always been insecure as well so I think it’s something with that. I don’t think i’m asexual because I do enjoy sex. I don’t know what this feeling is. THIS IS FULL CONSENSUAL . He has never forced himself on me or even tried to initiate if I don’t want it. If I said to stop he would stop.

tl;dr boyfriends attraction towards me makes me uncomfortable.

Hi everyone,

My girlfriend and I have been together since 15 (freshman in HS). We were each others first everything. We waited about till 18 to actually have sex rather than just doing little stuff such as dry humping up until 18 lol.

We have always had a strong connection and especially since we practically grew up together. Shes always been somewhat not as loving or physically touching as l am I kinda just accepted it.

We broke up around 19 years old and were separated for about 3 years and we rekindled things. We both really missed eachother and realized that we do want each other and want a future together, marriage and such. She had one situation-ship right after our separation almost as a rebound for 4 months. Then another 6 months later she actually dated another guy for a year. I had held myself out myself and just stayed single, I tried to go on dates and such didn't find much interest.

Now while together again, about 6 months in we both get along nothing more than normal relationship fussy days.
But I have run myself into the same problem, lacking affection and physical touch and it's been building up inside of me.

She has a period app on her phone and I looked at realizing she tracked her sexual activities. The cat got curious and I had scrolled back from when we broke up to now and my heart dropped to my ass. I had correlated the dates to who she was with and with the first fling she had been having sex every other day about 15-19 days a month and a little less with the other guy. This infuriated me so much as before we maybe did it 3-5 times a month it seems at most and looking at now maybe about the same.

She knows I had snooped because I told her and how I felt very surface level. She basically just told me they had been doing a lot together often (going out and dates) and she felt she had to give back (in acts) and blew it off a bit because we usually stay at home or occasionally go somewhere (to mainly save money) essentially kinda saying if I did more maybe I'd get the same. But she did say she is sorry and it was a difficult time and she was just filling a gap and if she could go back she wouldn't do it. I didn't tell her I thought about this but she had been on birth control (patches) during that but never was on it with me either of the times we were together, I don't know if that makes a difference.

To bundle this all up. I want this Girl and I want to marry her.
Shes a very fun and caring person, I really don't want anyone else and I'm for the most part happy. But this is eating at me. I find myself being retroactive jealous from seeing what other people got for what seems nothing and barely knowing her (especially after she made sex seem so special and holding for a while on it since we were young) and also being upset and sexually frustrated feeling physically neglected by her. I'm unsure how she really treated the other guys but the proof is there, she was more Intimate.

My question is how do I bring this up without seeming like a sex addict, her thinking that's all I want from her and or making her upset. I can't keep thinking about this as it does change my moods and actually reflects day to day. Please help. Thank you!!!

TLDR: Girlfriend together since 15 not very affectionate broke up for a while and she was very intimate with two other partners then got back together 3 years later and still not as intimate with me.

Me and my ex were pretty much together from high-school till now, we even have a child but as of almost a year now I'm a single parent wondering on how I should move on in a way. I'm not sure what to look for in a relationship right now or even how to find it so basically I'm just starting fresh in the dating life but I'm super unsure on what to do, anyone got any pointers I'm open to anything.

im pretty laid back and play a lot of volleyball for competitions. I also feel that it is difficult as of now to find any relationship with anyone because of me being a single father. Tl;dr

We’re both originally from India, and we’ve been together about two years, living together for a whole year in Canada. Last year his grandfather passed away, and he recently moved back to India to spend time with his grandmother while she’s still around, since he missed that time with his grandfather.

The issue is, he left with no return date. When I asked for clarity, he asked me to try long distance for two months, then tell him if I still feel alone in it, and he says he’ll come back if I say that. But I’ve already told him my answer is ready now, it’s not going to change in two months. He says he doesn’t want to think about an end date right now because he doesn’t want to spend his time with his grandmother with that hanging over him.

I’ve told him clearly, I need a real yes or no, not a maybe, and not “I don’t know yet.” I don’t have an issue with any honest answer, coming back, or telling me he’s choosing to stay. What I can’t accept is being left without any answer at all.

He says he understands my pain but needs time before committing either way. I also can’t move to India myself right now, for career and safety and quality of life reasons that matter a lot to me.
What do I actually do here? Do I wait, do I set a deadline, do I end things now? I don’t know what the right move is.

TL;DR: Boyfriend moved back to India indefinitely to spend time with his aging grandmother, no return date. He wants a two month long distance trial, but I already know my answer won’t change, and I’ve asked for a firm yes or no, not “I don’t know.” What should I actually do here?

I noticed that whenever the TV isn't running my fiance spends most of the time on his phone. For example instead of talking about random stuff to me or anything else.

Yesterday for example he made me some nice soup since I'm sick and when it was cooking he was on his phone constantly, after it was done as well until I turned the TV on then he put it away and watched TV instead. Somehow I lowkey felt ignored, which maybe isn't right, but also whenever we eat, I mostly sit alone on the couch while he sits on his chair (in front of the couch) turned away from me sideways, it just doesn't really feel like eating together anymore or am I in the wrong? When I mentioned that I'd like that he'll join me on the couch he jokingly nags, but does it anyway. Often he jokes "Can I sit in my chair or will you nag at me?". I think he doesn't get that I really enjoy it when we actually sit together on the couch and eat.

Anyway I wonder what I could do, that we spend time more meaningfully together, I know we live together and we have a daily routine, but lately the phone thing is bugging me. If it's not the phone, it's the TV (which I don't mind since at least then he joins me on the couch and we snuggle).

Tl;dr: Fiance spends a lot of time on his phone, doesn't really eat with me (at least it doesn't feel like it), could he be desinterested? What can I do to make things more interesting?

tldr
got in argument with long distance gf and hasn’t responded in over 24 hours. do i play waiting game or do i try to resolve?

Gf(25F) and I(25M) had a day out 2 days ago and some things didn’t go well. We are mid distance from each other so will only see each other every other weekend, so after that day we’ve only been able to discuss over text. Yesterday morning I said i would drive to her to talk in person and she said “what’s there to even talk about”. A few hours later she completely stopped responding. It’s been over 24 hours since then and i have sent 1 morning text saying im there to talk if she wants. and still nothing.

I’m worried she feels like there’s nothing left to talk about and will just ghost completely. We’ve been together only a few months so it wouldn’t be like she’s walking out of a multi year relationship.

But i don’t know how to handle it. Do i just give her space and not text her at all unless she reaches out? if its been another 24 hours and i dont hear anything do a send another short text saying i want to respect her space but also dont want to leave things in limbo? Never been here before and this is very unlike her based on past experience.

I (21F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for about 6 months now. The way we got together isn’t particularly interesting, but for the sake of continuity, I’ll be referring to my boyfriend as R.

We first met online in a Discord server (yes, I know public sentiment isn’t exactly great on this). It’s a friends-only Discord run by some elementary school classmates, and it’s mostly guys. We’re all still pretty close and often hang out since most of us live within 10 minutes of each other.

It started with me, R, and a few others playing games together, which eventually became a weekly routine. At some point, the group decided to go on a run, and that was the first time I saw R face-to-face. Neither of us remembered each other at all, and it took some help from the others to jog our memories.

Things really took off when I had a get-together with some other friends and had to rush to make dinner for another friend. Said friend ended up not taking the food, so I called R, knowing that he lived closest to me. As it turned out, he was hanging out with one of his military buddies, who happened to live right next to me.

The guy who lives near me is gay, and I had actually first been introduced to him through the game as well. He’s part of a whole side story that I won’t get into now because I don’t want to bore you guys.

At the time, I was also actively using dating apps before I got into a relationship with R, and he found the messages I was getting extremely entertaining.
We’re very different people. I’m a social butterfly who really likes going out and have been in multiple serious relationships before this one. R, on the other hand, is much more introverted and a homebody.

This past week, I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain from my wisdom tooth and have been pretty irritable because of it. Yesterday was the worst of it. My chronic pain also started flaring up, and I ended up vomiting my guts out.

R was very confused about what to do and, honestly, gave pretty shitty comfort. Eventually, I asked him to come over. He stayed by my side and got me whatever I needed.

Thinking about it now, I feel extremely guilty, because just a few weeks ago I was ready to end things.

As someone who has been in several previous relationships, I already have certain expectations and enough experience to know what to do, what to say, and generally what I want from a relationship. The problem is that while I know I’m R’s first relationship, it makes things really difficult when I catch myself making comparisons like, “I’m doing all of this for you, so why can’t you do the same for me?”

And he moves at a snail’s pace. Sometimes it genuinely feels like he’s an NPC.
This is probably the part that bothers me the most: he is VERY slow to take action.

I’m the eldest daughter with basically nonexistent parents, so I’ve had to learn to do things quickly and take care of things myself. At the same time, I can also be extremely indecisive. R doesn’t really help with that because he usually just lets me make all the decisions.

And I find that extremely annoying.
I’m used to the guys I date doing a lot of the mental work, while I give my input and we make the final decision together. In this relationship, I feel like I’m “the man” doing all the planning and constantly having to ask him to notice things about me.

For example, I regularly cook breakfast for him because I know he doesn’t eat in the morning, and he’s been getting gastritis from not eating. He also doesn’t have enough time in the morning, so I do it because I love him. Or I’ll get his favourite drink before we sit down to eat.

But he doesn’t seem to reciprocate the little things I do for him. I always ask for warm water whenever I go over to his place, yet he still doesn’t think to bring it to me without me asking.

And I know that, objectively, these things sound small. But when they happen over and over again, it starts to feel unequal.

At the same time, R has been very kind to me. He buys me flowers every once in a while, and yesterday, when I was in a lot of pain, he stayed by my side and made sure I had whatever I needed.

So I feel guilty even thinking about leaving him over this.

I know he’s inexperienced. I know he cares about me. And I know that some of what I’m expecting may come from being used to relationships with people who already knew how to anticipate their partner’s needs.

But I also don’t want to spend the entire relationship teaching someone how to be my partner.

So what should I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend is caring but very inexperienced and slow to take initiative. I feel like I’m constantly doing the planning, decision-making, and little acts of consideration in our relationship, and it’s starting to feel unequal. I know he cares about me and this is his first relationship, so I’m struggling to decide whether I should be more patient with him or accept that we may not be compatible.

40f in a 2.5 year long distance relationship with a 48m. Just want to know if it’s an okay reaction from men.
A fight happened. And several hours later, he initiated messages. But not with an intention to really talk. But I have realized that he does that just to show that he did something. Nonetheless I ended up opening to him even though with lots of frustration that I was really hurt and wanted to talk. He said he doesn’t want to talk. I told him that he should understand that this kind of silence makes me more and more anxious and unable to do anything else with my time and I feel miserable and we could just talk and finish it but he still didn’t talk. He didn’t even acknowledge my hurt and just kept talking about himself and how he can not take any confrontation right now. I used the terms like “I don’t want to beg you for a conversation”, “feeling miserable“ etc. but nothing made a difference. So, I just said ok and let it go. The whole day passed and no contact.

I feel like this is not what I want in my relationship.

Is this how men behave these days?

I am a very emotional and empathetic person. I really care for the other persons feelings and I don’t think I can be okay with my partner not even caring after I tell him how distressed I am.
TL;DR

My gf (19F) and I (20F) have been dating for one year now, the longest relationship I have had. I love her so incredibly much and she’s pretty much my whole world. We’re also college and currently live together in a dorm (stupid ik). But I’m at that stage where I’m longing for the new and fun exciting nature of a crush/new relationship, but it doesn’t feel normal, it’s so incredibly intense. I think about it all the time, I’m always looking around at other people and the dreams are the worst. Don’t get me wrong I’ve never cheated or done anything big or small that would be considered cheating, and I would never. But I have dreams all the time where I cheat on her and don’t really care/ am not really thinking about it and I’m just having fun, or I break up with her and get with someone else, or she just doesn’t exist in that world entirely, and sometimes even she does something dumb and hurts me or ends it and I leave and immediately go to someone else. Sometimes I think about if she were to just leave me and then I could go be with someone else. It’s not what I want at all, at least I don’t think I do. She is genuinely my whole world and I can’t imagine my life without her but I’m so lost. Maybe this is completely normal and I’m just dramatic but it feels like so much more. Also, obviously, I’m gay (bi with a huggeeee preference for girls) and sometimes I think about guys a lot too, I’ve had a couple of relationships before her but they’re were all girls too and sometimes I really wish I could just have the experience of being with a guy and I romanticize it a lot in my head. Another big thing relating to that is that I’ve always romanticized and obsessed over the image of marrying a man, idk if it’s some deep rooted heteronormative thing or what but I do have a weird obsession with it. Which does bring me back to my last point of this I felt was important to cover, I often will meet new people or even just see them around a lot, like in classes and such, and obsess over them constantly, like super unhealthily. I just conjure this image in my head and let my imagination run wild, I hate it so much because it feels like a crime against her but I do it anyway. Just like the imagining her messing up and me leaving and going to find something new and fun. Idk I’m just so stuck. Any advice on this stage and if how I’m feeling is normal or maybe means a little more about our relationship?

Summary/TL;DR: I love my gf so much and I don’t necessarily want to break up but I’m feeling stuck and I keep longing for something or someone new.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (26F)are washing cars right now and he won’t let me take the trash out of his car.

When I went to open the bucket he has of car stuff and asked me “why I’m always touching stuff that isn’t mine.”

It’s like he can be so sweet and attentive but then stuff like this happens and I’m left to my thoughts. Is it just me being dramatic and taking everything to heart or is that weird? Like why shouldn’t I help by taking the trash out of his car while he washes the outside of mine.

We’ve also been dating over a year and a half now. I feel like I should be able to touch or, not necessarily go through, but get the trash out of his car.

This is just a small situation but stuff like this has kinda happened a few times

Tl; dr my boyfriends being a weirdo…perhaps haha

In a lesbian relationship 25/F 23/F
I’m looking for genuine advice because I honestly don’t know if I’m expecting too much, being impatient, or if my relationship just isn’t meeting some important needs for me.
Me and my gf been together for almost 2 years and I do love her. She’s there for me in a lot of ways, and I don’t want this post to make her sound like a bad person or like or doesnt do it for me anymore But when it comes to intimacy, affection, romance, and passion, I’ve been feeling increasingly unhappy.

Our sex life has been inconsistent for a long time. There have been months where we’ve had sex once or twice, and stretches where we’ve barely had any physical intimacy at all. It’s not just about sex, either. I miss feeling **wanted** by my partner. I want affection, kissing, touching, flirting, romance, initiation, and the feeling that my girlfriend is genuinely attracted to me and wants to be close to me.

She has explained that she can get nervous or shy, overthink things, and feel uncomfortable. I’ve listened to her, taken that seriously, and backed off in some ways so she could feel more comfortable. I don’t expect her to force herself to do anything. But I still feel like she hasn’t been as open with me since we became official, and I’m not sure how to reconnect with that side of our relationship.

What makes it harder is that it often feels like there’s a new reason why she can’t be more intimate, affectionate, passionate, or romantic. I understand that people have different comfort levels and needs, but after a while, constantly hearing why something can’t happen starts to feel like I’m being rejected over and over again.
We recently had a conversation that made me realize we may have understood our relationship differently from the beginning. She told me she doesn’t really know how to handle a relationship now or balance my emotions with hers.
She is there for me as a girlfriend, but sometimes it feels like she knows how to do a **friends-with-benefits type of relationship better than an actual romantic relationship**.
She also said she’s used to the person she’s talking to pursuing her, and that she’s sometimes used to pursuing people herself. That made me wonder whether she felt like she no longer needed to pursue me once we became official.

I don’t want to constantly teach my partner how to be affectionate, romantic, or make me feel desired. I’m willing to communicate, meet her halfway, and explain what I need, but I don’t want to feel like I’m coaching someone through how to be in a relationship with me.
She’s said things like, “We’ve only been together almost two years,” but that still feels like a significant amount of time to me. I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect us to keep learning each other and making progress. Instead, I feel like we keep having the same conversations about intimacy and affection.

I don’t want to pressure her into anything she doesn’t genuinely want, but I also don’t want to spend years suppressing my own needs or constantly wondering whether she actually wants me.
I love her and know she cares about me, which is what makes this so difficult. I

TL:DR I’m trying to figure out whether we’re simply different when it comes to intimacy and romance, whether I’m expecting too much, or whether this is an incompatibility we can’t realistically fix?

I’d appreciate advice from people who have experienced major differences in sex drive, affection, or romantic compatibility

My partner of 2 years 'M/31' and I '28/F' have been “together ”in the loose term people use when they don’t have anything else to call it. We met on Tinder-I know it’s messy. But I hadn’t been in a relationship for years and want to test the water so to speak. when we met it was instant chemistry and we were around all the time. Truly the standard honey moon phase. This took a turn last year and has continued into something I don’t know the shape of.

Last May he had surgery to help with a preexisting condition and we didn’t see each other for 1 month. The day we planned to see each other my parent F51 got into a bad accident and was hospitalized across the country so I had to cancel and spent time with them and the family ( we don’t live close to each other). I will also preference I was basically irl 27 dresses so I was beyond busy with bachelorettes , weddings and everything they come with from April till November.

When I returned from the family situation. I had 2 bachelorettes back to back. Only to come home and be hospitalized for 2 week s with pneumonia and then another 2 for complications. On top of working a high demand job so our schedules didn’t always align. Saying all this we didn’t see each other face to face till December. Which basically put us being away from each other for 5/6 months.

Since getting back “together “ last December the chemistry has been off and I can’t get clear answers on anything. We see each other max 1 hr each time and that’s basically every couple of weeks. It’s frustrating to say the least.

I think I’m being put on a hook until something better comes along for him cause the talk about commitment and marriage and kids that were happening before are basically non existent and the conversations are surface level at best. Everything I try to do to connect isn’t working. He’s left me on requested on Insta for about 2 months! But like the stalker I am I can see him follow and get follows from other ppl( the counts of each change : I know this is unhealthy but I was trying to justify the why only to get more angry/ confused about the situation)

Calm me crazy or woman’s intuition but I think there’s another woman involved and I can’t shake the feeling. I get vibes right before he’s a little extra distant

Not sure how to move into a convo that forces the uncomfortable topics cause I feel crazy being mad at something that’s technically open but not and need prospective. My bday is coming up and I’m trying to have some resolution by then so I can start this new year with some type of peace or even schedule a cry for good time magment lol.

I’ll take all the help for my peace of mind.

Am I overthinking or are the writings on the wall?

TL;DR

Yesterday me (F18) and my bf (18M) were watching x men and well when mystique came on the screen he said ”o lala” at first and i asked what he means, where he then says ”no comment” obviously this was about her body since she’s a naked mutant. I didn’t think much of it but then later he calls her hot. And i know she’s just a blue character but it makes me really sad. Why would he call another girl hot infront of me? it’s one thing to acknowledge someone’s beauty and one thing to call someone hot. Not only do i think it’s disrespectful to me but also to the actor. I then get upset and he thinks i’m joking first. He then apologizes and says he was joking and that it’s fine if i think other men are hot. But never have i ever thought to say another man is hot infront of my boyfriend.

If this was a one time thing it wouldnt been such a big deal. But it hasn’t been. Another time we were talking about winning and losing, he was a bit upset over that he didn’t always win in his competitions in the past if i remember right. And so i said ”you can’t always win unless your mondo duplantis”. Literally nothing to do with his looks or anything just that he’s an amazing athlete. Then my bf replies ”why aren’t you scarlet johanson?” this made me cry a lot, ever since then i’ve been comparing myself to her. I already have insecurities about myself even though my bf thinks im attractive. It’s not that i think he thinks im ugly it’s just if he really thought i was the most beautiful woman like he says he wouldn’t compare me to other women and mention stuff like this.

Yesterday he just apologized many times and told me im pretty and he didn’t mean it like that, then when i asked what he meant it like he couldn’t respond to it.

i understand this might be a problem with me but i just don’t understand ive never said anything like this about other men to him

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. He calls other girls hot infront of me and it makes me feel disrespected?**.

I am at a loss. It’s 1:45AM, and I think I don’t know what to do.

Me F26 and my boyfriend of almost two years M39 have had a rocky relationship from the jump. Yes, I am aware of the age difference and its implications.

We were previously acquaintances, then friends for about a year before going out.

It began intensely romantic, and fights were explosive from very early on.

I hold a lot of resentment from arguments or things that he says.

Most recently we have found ourselves where if one of us is upset or sad about something, mostly me, it becomes a much bigger argument.

Last Thursday, an unwell homeless person was muttering incoherently to himself, wielded a knife, and was stumbling into traffic.

I called 911, and the man had started to approach me while I was on the phone. I stepped away a few feet and he totally forgot I existed.

My boyfriend comes to meet me, and I am shaken. 5 police cars show up, someone is holding a riot gun.

A woman sees the scene and loudly asks him if he’s okay, and then glares at me.

At this point, the bus finally fucking arrives and my boyfriend and I board and are on our way. My boyfriend says, something along the lines of “you should’ve just left that situation.” I tell him I don’t feel like that’s a helpful thing to say now.

When we get home, I finally cry. And he feels like I am mad at him. He says he feels that I’ve been mad at him since the bus ride, and he leaves me alone, saying he needs space.

This whole thing seriously has me rethinking our relationship— because what kind of support will he be when my mother dies?

All Labor Day weekend, we’ve hugged, been tender, but no restorative conversation has even been had or brought up by him. It wasn’t until tonight, before he fell asleep where I couldn’t take it anymore.

I asked him if he felt resolved in our last argument, in which he said yes. I let him know that I didn’t and he became sad.

Now I’m up late, and am venting to strangers online which is the biggest sign that something is wrong.

Our lives feel so intertwined, and we love each other so so much.

My heart hurts.

TLDR; relationship has deep underlying issues and I am afraid

I just found out my (32m) friends cannot come to our small intimate wedding

Sorry if I’m all over the place, I’ve got moderate adhd and I’m flustered.

TLDR; I am getting married to my wife (37f) in Rome at the beginning of October and just found that pretty much none of guests can come.

Some back story, I’m a simple man who likes simple things and my fiance is the total opposite as that. My family is decently well off and I make decent money myself but all of our success has been from being smart with money and prioritizing fun and luxury items less while focusing on work. My fiance comes from no money and her parents have a very poor back ground so ALL wedding parties/events etc have been paid by me or my parents. Her parents are not coming to the wedding due to personal issues my fiance has. This Rome wedding is definitely not something my parents agreed with honestly, they would never spend money like this for an event and did it solely because they love me. I’ve heard their doubts, comments, and input all throughout the process.

My younger brother who was the golden child committed suicide 7 years ago and my dad is remarried with an accidental pregnancy leading to my moderately special needs sister who is 18 years younger. I know my mom sees this as her only chance for grandchildren and the extension of our family since on that side it’s just me and her. My relationship with my parents only got good in the last 7 years.

Rome was something that I agreed to, but it wasn’t my idea. I was fine with a simple wedding here in the states but my fiance always wanted nice more extravagant things/events so naturally our wedding being in Rome isn’t cheap. To be exact around $75k for a 40 person wedding (including bride and groom). We both know so many people who kept asking “when’s the wedding” or comments were made like “cant wait to be there” so we decide ultimately to do something more intimate and smaller. Average room and flight prices are starting around $3k total which we know was a lot to ask however my friend group is also quite successful and at the time booking things I didn’t really worry. Her’s is not as well off but they are all coming, most girls are splitting rooms so they’re not alone in a foreign country and save money.

Flash forward to now. We are 27 days out and things are, on my side, falling apart. My best man and his brother along with their significant others were both invited and the brothers’ father just passed a couple weeks ago. My other good friend and “second best man” also is not able to make it any more due to issues at work that are going to set him back financially paired with his mom being sick, he’s going to try to make it he said but I am not hopeful. Three other friends weren’t able to make but let’s us know further ahead of time - all for the price of the wedding travel. Admittedly it was quite annoying that my guests waited so long to book travel but my own dad still hasn’t booked his flight either and some of her friends are doing it this week. For some reason it ended up being both sides who dragged their feet booking it and I really didn’t get why as we gave everyone plenty heads up. July 1st was our RSVP deadline.

All in all, out of 19 people I was able to bring the only ones coming are two guy friends, my mom and dad, step mom, 14 year old sister, aunt, and one of my dads friends that’s is only there because he’s in Rome at the same time and it would “rude” not to invite him. I see him once every 4 years for an hour. All of her guests are attending.

I. Am. Crushed. Of my 19 guests, 9 are coming. 4 of those being an obligation. 1 of those 8 being someone doing it for convenience. 2 of those being people who I have something in common with long enough to talk for more than 10 min.

Leading up to the wedding and beforehand my mom kept asking if Rome was a good idea, why not do something closer that’s easier for people the travel to, and even though she could afford it easily as I said my family didn’t spend money on things like fancier flowers, a top tier photographer, etc. The money spend on this could’ve been given to me as a gift and that’s truly what I wanted but when I brought it up to my fiance she kept telling me that if people wanted to be there they would and not to worry about it. We definitely went over budget, because of her, and the money once again is fine but truly it only seemed worth it, at least for me, if people showed up. I told her that life isn’t as simple as that and saving up $1000-2000 to travel for a weekend in the US is different than going to Europe along with the fact that people have to take off more time. 2 days are for traveling alone…

Now it seems like my family is throwing an $75-80k party for my fiance and her friends. I just have such a hard time looking at it any other way. I wanted that money to fix up the house or improve our future. I never wanted to spend this much to get married. Who am I supposed to take photos with now? My photos with my groomsmen are none existent. I no longer have someone to hand me the rings, I guess my dad can but I know he would just do it not to say no. The table we had was a long rectangular table and now there’s a big gap at one end where my guests were. We are redoing the seating chart to move her friends next to me however in the 3 years me and my wife have been together her friends have never been keen on making a relationship with me and we make small talk but that’s it. They always only do “girls nights” and I’m never invited in things they do so I just don’t really know them. I feel like I will be basically be with complete strangers less my family.

Both of my two friends that are still coming have yet to book flight or hotel. They both fly free due to different connections they have and always get a flight via standby. These two friends thankfully know each other, but honestly I am tempted to tell them not to come anymore. One of those is coming during his birthday and he wanted to bring a plus one but because of the small nature of the wedding we told him no despite having room since it was a semi new thing and I already know he’s basically making this his “birthday trip” but since all the other guys aren’t coming anymore I really don’t want to be selfish and take that away from him, he can go do something more fun if he wishes and I wouldn’t even be mad. Same with my other buddy, at this point I would rather them not take off work and spend the money, I feel like it’s selfish of me to ask that of them. I’ll have a few things to do to prep for the wedding and all the guys were going to keep each other entertained and do stuff during the days coming up to the wedding. I would love to have them there but I want them to enjoy the trip too.

If I’m actually being quite honest, I don’t even want to go to Rome at all anymore. I just know I’ll be looking around at the people that never got to know me, people that are only there because they had to be, or the empty space where my guests would be. I’ll be looking at the expensive ass decor that I thought was insane to pay for and think about how that would fix the baby room up for the family I want to start or how it would remodel part of the kitchen. I get the whole point is to get married but even my fiance told me tonight that she wished we just had the money instead. Something we argued about at the beginning. I told her this wasn’t worth it. I told her to try to do something simpler. I told her people won’t come because it’s going to be expensive. I told her my friends had sick parents. Hearing her admit I was right just added so much insult to injury.

I really need advice on what to do. I know the point is to get married but $80k is making me literally so fucking sick to think about. We could’ve done it for so much less.

Part of me wants to cancel the whole thing honestly, I feel like the money is already wasted, what’s the point? We have a welcome party/meet and greet that still has a $3k balance that I’m very tempted to cancel (meet and greet who? Everyone that’s on her side knows each other) and I told her we are canceling the expensive ass photographer. The wedding contract said no refunds for extra people and it was $500 a head so that’s another $6k loss right there as well but I’m really thinking of messaging him on the side on WhatsApp and seeing if there’s anything to do. My mind is very logical and black & white and business savvy so I’ve gone into this damage control mindset.

I love cars and and motorcycles and stuff so we were all supposed to rent Vespa’s and ride them around town, that’s been cancelled now too. Literally everything I have is cancelled. I just don’t know what to do and how to look at this situation positively anymore. I would’ve rather donated this money or helped out a family in need or something. I’m sick and conflicted by my feelings towards the event and how it’s supposed to be joyous but won’t be. I felt so bad already constantly swiping my own card or reminding my mom to pay for something.

What would you do Reddit?

Me and my partner have been dating for 8 months but have known each other for 5+ years. Deep friendship and just recently started taking things more seriously and it’s been going good. We always flirted while friends but never necessarily took things any further than holding hands or hugging.

After us making things official sex has been really great. We have sex at least every time we see each other ( 1-2 days a week) and I tend to be more of a top and do most of the work (which i’m fine with). However there’s been few times where i’ve made her finish and kept going. Then after I’d finish, her back would get tight and then she has cramps. It doesn’t bother her enough to not fall asleep but it’s discomforting enough for her to mention it before sleeping.

Next time we’d have sex she would be sensitive if I went too far or in a specific orientation. We would stop but most of the time it would just be a quick check in to see if she was okay and then agree to continue. But today that initial situation played out and we were having sex again and stopped because it was uncomfortable for her. (had sex previous night 11/10 for me and her ; multiple climaxes for her ) Now we stopped and are going to bed but I can’t sleep because I feel so bad.

I really just need advice about sex and sex frequencies because I don’t necessarily want to change how often and I think she would take it the wrong way if we stop having sex so often.

tl;dr

Frequent sex with girlfriend ends up hurting her sometimes. Needs tips to navigate sexual relationship between Us.