I was talking to my wife earlier today about us having sex a few nights ago and I’ve realized what sets great sex apart from good sex for us is how much we’re tapped into a side of us that only we get to experience.

Yes I think my wife is gorgeous but she always looks pretty much the same. Yes it physically feels amazing but we usually do the same things. Sex becomes this otherworldly experience when both of us are just completely uninhibited, so caught up in the moment and really displaying this passionate and raw side of ourselves where we just cannot be close enough to one another and fully focused on pleasure for both of us.

Married for ten years, 37 years old, two kids.

I’m more tech and financial whiz. She is more organizational whiz.

Every day she constantly has 8-10 things to say about what I’m doing wrong at home. Like, how I stack the dishes, or in what order they’re stacked. I’ve been doing it for many years with no issues. She complains I don’t put the dry stuff away (but I told her they were slightly wet. L)

I just finished cooking and washing some of the dishes but now sitting down and eating. She walks in with a harsh tone, “why didn’t you do these dishes?” (Points to a bunch of brand new containers at the corner of the counter).” I get pissed because she is coming on so strong after I’ve been doing the best I can.

Same day, I tell my daughter “wow you know so much” after my daughter tells me that she knows what ice cream is made from. My wife immediately says please don’t say that. There are better things to say like “wow you remember a lot!” And then proceeds to show me on chatgpt a list of things to say .

I am not perfect nor am I good at organizing or processes. So I admit that I forgot a lot of things. When it comes to IT or finances, I kill it. That’s why I’m able to afford a brand new 1.4 million dollar home for my wife and kids with the mortgage almost paid off. But at home my wife constantly is suggesting I fix the way I do things.

Am I crazy to be annoyed? Am I being a baby? Quite frankly I’m sick of it.

I’m 27M and my wife is 25F. We’ve been married for 8 months and she is currently 4 months pregnant with our first child.
Around the time she got pregnant I found out,before we met, that she has had affairs with at least two married, older men, one was her boss at work, who was around 10 years older and the other was a local celebrity who used to do shows in the bar she worked at. I am deeply disgusted by this, both physically and morally. It shattered my perception of her, our marriage and has erased all traces of any trust i had. I had asked her before aboud her sexual past since it always mattered to me greatly and i knew she had sexual relationships before me which i didn't mind at all. When I asked about her previous partners she has invented names, people and events and never mentioned her real partners because she knew i would never in a million years marry her if I found out about them. It had made me feel cheated and conned into marrying her. I found out about the first guy by snooping in her phone and finding screenshots of their old conversation, I also find out she was friends with the guys wife while they had sex behind her back in the company warehouse and in his car. The second guy is a really famous local musician and we actually share common friends and it made it all so much worse and humiliating that most of them knew about all of it. We are currently in a process of constructing a house on some land my dad gave us and it's almost half way finished and our unborn son has been the center of my universe from the moment i found she was pregnant so I've invested a ton of money, time and effort into this relationship and I love this woman the way I've never loved anyone in my life. However, im seriously considering filing for divorce since the resentment and disgust has steadily grown over the months and I'm finding it more difficult to sleep in the same bed with her or kiss her or touch her in any way, so much so that is triggers a gag reflex and makes me want to vomit.

When I confronted her with this, she still lied and denied and did it so well that she almost made question my own judgement and sanity. The fact that she lied to me and was able to do these disgusting acts while also being friends with at least one of the men's wives involved in this has ruined any good image i had of her.

How do I deal with this? Does anyone have any experience regarding retroactive jealousy and disgust like this? I am terrified what divorce could do to my life and the life of my child who would never even see his parents happy and together. I am completely lost and could use any advice. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post.

My wife and I have 2 kids and she’s currently dealing with terminal illness. Things have gotten pretty bad and we’re basically at the point where we’re trying to spend whatever time she has left together as a family.

A few days ago I found out she cheated on me years ago.
I asked her about it she admitted it immediately. It was just a one time thing with a guy at work conference. I had absolutely no clue. I actually remember that period of our marriage being pretty normal, which somehow makes it worse.

She’s been crying a lot since I found out and apologizing over and over. She said it was the biggest mistake of her life, and she didn’t tell me because she was scared she’d lose me and the kids. She also told me she went sober since that incident, and I do remember her going sober 3 years ago:

I don’t even know what I feel right now. I’m obviously pretty pissed and if she wasn’t sick I think I’d probably ask for space or even consider divorce. But she’s dying. I can’t exactly tell my terminally ill wife to move out while our 2 kids are already dealing with the fact that they’re going to lose their mom. My kids love their mom, they’re super close with her and they’re taking her illness pretty hard.

Last night she asked me if I could forgive her before she dies and I told her I don’t know. She completely broke down and kept saying she doesn’t want to die with me hating her.
I feel terrible because she’s scared and sick and I just want to forget about it for now and be there for her. But I am just so goddamned angry that she kept this from me for 3 years and now I basically have no time to even process it. We were each other’s firsts, we’ve been with each other our whole lives, I thought we had a pretty special and magical relationship but she ruined that by having someone else inside her.

Our kids don’t know and I don’t think I’m ever telling them.

I seriously have no idea what I’m supposed to do here. Do I just put this aside and be her husband for whatever time she has left and deal with my feelings afterward? What has she done though to deserve this level of care and devotion from me though?

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years now and it is extremely difficult for me to trust when he says he will get something done.

He always sets a date for when some repair, chore, etc will get done but when that day comes he postpones it until I’ve had enough and do it myself. He doesn’t see how that’s a problem and complains that I want to control everything. He also complains that I nag him all the time and that I’m never happy with anything he does.

I am exhausted caring for our child and trying to make sure the house is maintained, and it seems like I’m always doing the same chores daily because he always leaves things out or doesn’t throw away his trash. I remind him and he says “yes I’ll do it before the day ends” and most of the time it gets left. I don’t want to generalize and say it never gets done because there are times he will do it, but the majority of the time it gets left behind because he “forgot”.

I don’t understand how it’s so hard to pick up your trash immediately after. I understand that he works full time and is out in the heat and that’s exhausting. But if he doesn’t want me to “nag” then he should just do it right then and there. I wouldn’t nag if there was any kind of initiative for everything that needs to be done. Specially repairs around the house or changing the babies diaper when he’s watching him.

Why do I have to manage everything and still remind him of what needs to be done after telling him once? I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore. Sometimes I want to just split up, but I don’t know what holds me back.

Throwaway because my wife knows my main account, and honestly I don't even know who I can talk to about this without it getting back to her. I’m 29M and my wife is 26F. We’ve been married for several years and have a young child together. We argue sometimes, we get annoyed with each other, but nothing that I thought was remotely close to the point where police would become involved.

A few weeks ago, something happened that completely changed how I see our marriage.

A couple of days before the incident, my wife had injured herself while doing something around the house. She was moving a fairly heavy storage box from the top shelf of our bedroom cupboard. She lost her grip while bringing it down and it hit her upper arm. I remember seeing the mark afterward. It was a dark red patch roughly the size of my palm, and she complained that the area was sore when she moved her arm.

A couple of days later, we had a stupid argument about household expenses. I thought she had spent more than we had agreed on that month, while she thought I was being controlling about how she used money. We raised our voices at each other for maybe 10–15 minutes. Nothing physical happened. At one point I told her I didn't want to continue arguing and went into the bedroom. She went into the living room, and we were in separate rooms afterward. There was no hitting, pushing, grabbing, throwing things, or anything like that. We were literally in separate rooms. Maybe 20 or 30 minutes later, the police was there.

I initially thought there had been some kind of misunderstanding because I genuinely had no idea why they were there. One of the officers asked me to step outside and started asking questions about an altercation with my wife. That's when I found out that she had called them. She showed them the bruise on her arm and apparently told them that I had hurt her during the argument. I was completely stunned. I tried explaining that the injury had happened days earlier and that she had injured herself while moving the storage box. I told them exactly where it had happened and what she had been doing when it happened. I spent two nights in custody. I cannot properly explain what those two nights felt like. Eventually, she withdrew the complaint.

Since then, she has apologised to me repeatedly. Not just once. She has cried, told me she knows she made a terrible mistake, said she was angry and wasn't thinking properly, and repeatedly asked me to forgive her. And this is where I'm stuck. Part of me wants to believe her because we have a child together and because I don't want our child growing up with divorced parents but I also can't get past what actually happened. I don't know how I'm supposed to trust someone when I've experienced firsthand that an argument can end with me being arrested.

And I don't know how to reconcile the fact that the woman I trusted enough to have a child with was also the person whose accusation put me in custody for two nights. I love my child. That's the biggest reason I'm even considering trying to repair this marriage. But I'm honestly not sure I want to stay married anymore. I don't hate my wife. I'm not trying to punish her. I just don't feel safe emotionally around her anymore, and I don't know whether trust can actually come back after something like this.

Has anyone been through something similar? Can a marriage realistically recover after one spouse calls the police over an accusation that they later withdraw, or is losing that sense of trust basically the point where the relationship is already over?

I feel like I’ve met a few guys and even have a close guy friend who seem truly unhappy, but are too good of guys to cheat and also wouldn’t go through a divorce

I said chipotle burritos and asked him what his would be-
He said my ass-
I said he wouldn’t get much nutritional value from that-
He responded “well you’re eating burritos aren’t you”

It’s been an extremely hard year. I’m at a point in my marriage where things need to change or else I’m done. I try to have serious talks with my husband about the future of our marriage. I am not yelling… just speaking out of concern. Things that need to change on both our ends.

Whenever the conversation gets too emotionally intense for him he always says that he thinks all my problems would go away if he were dead. Or not in the picture. This is absolutely not true. We have a 3 year old together. My life would absolutely not be better if he were dead.. but I’m getting to point where these threats are severely affecting my mental health. I have suggested therapy for my husband but he will not. I’m terrified if this ends in divorce he will do something drastic. I really just want to focus on being the best mom I can be but having this in the back of my head is unbearable

My (35f) husband (37) has never been too sexual of a guy. It’s never been a huge problem or anything but he’s just not the typical male horn dog I was used to being with prior to him.

We’ve been together for 13 years, married for 6. We have a 9 month old daughter - our first. We’ve had our ups and downs throughout the marriage but always really been each others best friends and stuck it out for better or for worse.

Back to sexual part - we’ve always had good sex. No complaints but we’ve definitely had dry spells and at times we’ve had to talk to each other about it. Like I mentioned not a huge problem ever but it has reared its a few times over the years. He also has bad ADHD so he’s often distracted or too busy thinking about other stuff to get into the mood or concentrate on sex Especially after having a child 9 months ago - which I’m sure is normal between exhaustion, both of us working full time, and having next to no alone time.

Suddenly within the last week - he’s become sex obsessed. Like says he wants it every day. Just randomly. He’ll say things like where’s my sex today? Or I want my daily sex plz. And if I ask why - he says stuff like oh I thought we were gonna start doing it daily? Totally unprompted- don’t think I ever have mentioned that.

Not that I think this is a bad thing per se, but what gives? Why suddenly after years of being so distracted and not super sexual is he all of a sudden so into having sex so often? What gives?! I’m just kind of surprised and confused I guess.

I 55(M) have been with my husband for 24 years, almost 25! A few months away from that milestone! We are both husbands just so we don’t confuse people on Reddit.

So two years ago my Husbands sister came out as transgender(mtf) and we took her in. Ever since then. His sister had been No contact, his sister is a lot younger than him because his mother had her later in life, note that she had my husband when she was 16. For a while my husband was no contact with his parents for how they treated us and his sister. Two years ago we got my husband’s sister back on her feet, she’s doing really well, in a career that she loves. She feels peace in her life.

My husband has limited contact with his mother and father. This morning, my husbands mother called him. He politely said, “Mom, please do not call unless it’s something like an emergency. I only wish to communicate to you via text messages.”

His mother said, “Is there anyway you can give me your brothers(she was referring to his transgender sister) contact information. My body was boiling and so was my husbands. My husband corrected his mom, and said, “My sister, not my brother, and my sister made it clear that she does not want to speak to you. You really need to respect her space.”

She raised her voice at my husband, “I am your mother and you need to show me some respect. You better tell me your brothers(again referring to his transgender sister) contact information. I am the mother and my children never show me respect.”

I gently grabbed the phone from my husbands hands, I could tell he was upset. I politely said, “We will not be having this conversation if you’re going to keep raising your voice. My husband and I respect his sisters privacy and space, so we will not be giving that information to you. Have a nice day.” Then I hung up the phone.

Minutes after that, I’ve had so many members of his family send us hateful texts. Saying we are ungrateful, rude, ignorant, nasty and we were told we needed to mind our own business. His sister is our business. We were the ones that took her in, and helped her heal from the rejection, and the trauma of his parents kicking her out onto the streets.

This situation really pissed off my husband and I. At this point we are sticking to our boundaries and respecting his sisters wishes. We also went ahead and informed his sister about the situation. We also made it clear that we respect her and her boundaries. We apologized that she got such bigoted parents.

I've suspeected for years that my husband was having sex with someone else but would never admit it. He finally admitted it tonight that he was seeking out prostitutes because he has a problem. He was even doing it when I carrying our children. He treated me like I was crazy and paranoid when I asked question about things. My daughter is very fragile so I'm not seeking divorce until she graduates high school in two years. I feel as though my marriage is over because I won't be able to trust him or give myself to him ever again. I've never really been able to trust him though. I've spend 28 years being faithful to his ass and I just keep getting hurt.

Randomly opened the files app of my husband and it immediately opened to a sex video of him and an ex in a car. My heart dropped and I went through other things in the app and noticed over 30 photos/videos of 2 of his exes that were opened at different times in the past year. I obviously confronted him and he was extremely remorseful and cried and apologized more than a thousand times.

For context, my husband and I have always had a very fun banter filled relationship, he has always been my best friend and we always told each other that we are the happiest couple in the world, we can’t imagine other people being happier than us. I am close to his whole family and extended family. I have always tried to be the best and most perfect wife to him, always had sex with him, always tried making different dishes to surprise him. I have had really bad relationships in the past so this was my way of putting in the effort because I understand how precious a husband wife relationship is and I always with my whole heart loved him.

When I confronted him about it, I honestly went bat shit crazy on him and he took it all gracefully. His excuse was it was backed up and he didn’t really go through it, I then went into the meta data and screenshotted the times that he actually last saw it and he said it was nothing and he was just looking for something else on his files app and he really loves me and it was just a slip in his character. He has been extremely remorseful since I found out and told me that he will try his hardest to make my pain go away and make sure he would be the best husband that I deserve. He told me that I am his world and those girls mean nothing to him but I just can’t help comparing myself to those girls. Those videos were extremely graphic and it hurts so much although they were taken years ago, what makes me question this whole thing is that why would he see them (even though he was scrolling through his files app and looking for something else).
Why didn’t he just delete them. I asked him how would he feel if he saw videos like that of me with my ex and I am actively seeing them. Truly from the bottom of my heart, I felt sick even saying that but I wanted him to understand how I felt. I could never imagine even looking at images of my ex like that, the thought of that disgusts me.

Those two exes of his are currently married and have no contact with him. It just angers me that I honestly wouldn’t like it if I were them. It’s just such a big shock for me to process.

Anyways, I am sick of feeling this way and I just want this pain to go away. I feel like I’m making a big deal out of this when I should just let it go but those images keep popping up in my head. I want to genuinely forgive him because of his remorse. He told me he would be a better husband and this goes against everything he stands for. He always follows rules and is a gods man and he told that I am valid for being angry and he will wholeheartedly make me feel safe and loved and it is on him to make this better.

Please advise me on how to let this go.

My husband lost his good job for stealing money and using it for his personal gain. He lied to me about it for a week. Once they pressed charges he had to go to jail. That’s when he told me. My psychologist diagnosed me with acute traumatic stress disorder. I’m having to work full time and support our family and provide insurance. It has thrown me back into severe survival mode.. Everyone keeps telling to take care of me first, but how!? My family relies on me. I went from working every other week, to now every single day. I want to leave, but I have no support system. I still need my husband to watch the kids and do pick up and drop offs. I feel stuck. This incident happened 6 months ago and I’m still grieving and I’m losing myself. I plan on leaving next year when my oldest starts driving and my youngest is out of daycare to save money. How late is too late to leave? What would you do? Would you leave. My husband is currently waiting on a court date. He stole 160,000 dollars. Fortunately he got a job at a grocery store, so he is giving me some money to help. But I am absolutely disgusted by him. No matter what he does it is never enough. I’m a Christian, so from my understanding you can only divorce if one commits adultery. But this.. i don’t think i can ever see past this…

My husband and I have what seems like a perfectly happy life together We have a child he takes full responsibility as a provider and father and I fulfill my role in our family as well on the surface everything is fine.

​However, before we got married, he was upfront with me about a woman he used to love deeply in the past, but things just didn't work out between them and he said i cant love any other woman like i loved her

Lately, I can't shake the feeling that his heart isn't completely here with us

​ I found out he still keeps old photos of her

I often find him sitting alone in the living room, looking deeply looking at those photos. He has never brought her up to me since we got married and he doesn't know that I've seen him doing this.

​I tried looking into who she is or asking subtle questions but I couldn't find anything or get any details from his family

​I’m feeling stuck He fulfills all his duties as a husband and father How should I approach this situation without driving him away or blowing up our family?

​

Trigger Warning: Mention of incestuous thoughts.

I [27F] and my husband [32M] have been marrried for 3 months. A major issue recently happened in my marriage, and I am completely shaken to my core. I was going thrpugh his phone last night and found the confession he have on reddit about how he regretted not doing it with his sister during their teenage years when he has a chance. I read the entire post and the chat he made through other people. To sum it up he's been thinking why did it happen and what could have happen if they actually did it during does times. The chat also mentioned how they used to wrestle each other just to be touchy. There is also a situation where his sister hold his dick and he did fondle her breast when they where wrestling. I confronted him about it when I found out. He told me that he regretted "not doing it" with his biological sister is poorly worded as he just wanted to know what could have happened if something really happened between them. He also said he wanted a closure as to why does things happen. He even let me read his chatgpt conversation and it clearly shows that he seem to be traumatized about it and even ask the ai if he should tell me that. He even told me to ask his parents as there is a child welfare involve during that time but he was not there and his parents were the once who talk to them. His parent told the authorities that nothing is happening and my husband told me that noone actually spoke to him about it afterwards. He didn't have the support and too poor to afford a therapist but he said he wanted to deal with this as he felt that he has too as we are married. He opened alot of things like abused (beatings) growing up. What completely broke me is how he handled the private chat in reddit about how he much he spoke he regretted not doing it and have been a knot in him. Its messed up how he talk with other people about it and even exchange photos of his sister with other guys sister or cousin. Him commenting that the other guys cousin is hot or what not which he apoligizes to me after admitting that it went out of hand

My Dilemma:I am completely horrified, confused, and deeply unsettled by this. Hearing him express sexual regret regarding a sibling has completely changed how I view him as a person and as my partner. I don't even know how to look at him, let alone process this. I listened to him last night and felt bad that such a thing happen to him during childhood and teenage years even hug him crying as it broke me down. Now waking up, I don't know what to do. Should I pretend nothing happened? should I still treat him the same way? I don't know. We really didn't fight during our relationship and this is the first serious problem I encountered.

What I need from the community:Has anyone ever dealt with a spouse confessing a severe sexual taboo or disturbing thought from their past?Am I overreacting for feeling like this might be an immediate reason to consider a separation or divorce?How do I even begin to navigate a conversation about this, or should I just seek individual therapy first?Thank you for any honest advice or perspectives.

He added his dad and sister a year ago to our car insurance and said he didn't know it was fraud to have them added into our policy while they don't reside at our same address. Back in February, he had a talk with his sister about this issue and how she would need to start looking for a new insurance and she got really mad about it, saying she couldn't believe he suddenly doesn't want to help her out anymore even while she's struggling financially. She said this because we all have good rates due to having a multi-car discount and she doesn't want to have to pay more elsewhere. And she said that even after he had already explained to her all the risks he's taking by committing insurance fraud for them and how it could negatively impact them too.

Anyways, he felt bad for her and told her he would give her another month of time to look for a new policy, and when the next month came around, she said she still needed more time because she hadn't found a new policy yet. The following months have been a cycle of the same thing with my MIL calling my husband and telling him to give his sister more time because she's financially struggling and can't afford a higher car insurance payment. She always says to "Think of your sister, just give her more time, she needs help right now because she's struggling." Mind you, his sister has been problematic toward us for years and has disrespected us both countless times without any remorse. She doesn't even talk to us at all in person or even bothers greeting us when she sees us in person but yet texts him when it comes to staying on our car insurance and guilt-trips him or argues with him. Even if this wasn't fraud, she has no reason to be a part of our policy when she isn't even on good terms with either of us, but since it is fraud, that's even more of a reason to urgently need to remove her.

When it comes to his dad, he's also faced with the same issue of feeling bad removing him because apparently he's also financially struggling and received high quotes for having a financed car. This has become an issue because I want my husband to stop risking himself by committing this fraud and to think more about our well-being instead of only his family's. They always turn the attention to themselves and guilt-trip him but they never care about him getting into legal issues over all of this. He thinks I just don't want him to help his family, but I just don't want future issues because this is literally illegal and I'm tired of having this same argument every single month. Any advice?

My husband wants us to have sex everyday, but he's not a good husband. Does not support emotionally, is very judgemental, hates my family, criticizing me all the time on tiniest of things like 'you don't know how to drive" you can't take care of our kids..with a toddler n new born and zero emotional support from him..I'm going crazy and I can't have sex with him..when I say no he starts abusing and fighting which leads to hours of arguments

My wife and I met in high school- we’ve always taken a liking to each other and eventually started dating while I was in college.

She was never the best student and didn’t really apply herself. Now I am not a Harvard grad but I’ve always been curious, wanting to learn and just grow to be a complete well rounded educated person.

She comes from a traumatic family background which she kept secretive at first and mines was more stable. So I knew initially that there would be gaps in experiences, knowledge and communication (shuts down when upset). But I felt like I could help her (which mentors advised against) and genuinely love her as a friend and now life partner.

I end up graduating college, she ends up dropping out after her brother passed away - even after promising to herself to be the first college graduate in her family. I overlooked it and kept the relationship moving chalking it up to trauma. But this seemed to be the first in a series of things she wanted to do but never pursued.

We got married rather young (25 & 26) while I was in the midst of my career. My job is one that’s pretty influential in a big city - so naturally I made a ton of relationships, friends, developed interests & let my curious nature and learning nature help me grow.

During this time I tried to bring her along with me numerous times. She would rather keep to herself - very few relationships with friends & on/off estranged relationships with family. No one in her life that can keep her accountable or be truly honest with her.

A lot of my friendships were met with scrutiny due to her lack of knowledge of them and internal insecurities. It caused some blowups in the past as well.

Now we are in our very early 30’s and she has very little friends and most of our couple friendships are people I’ve met and introduced her to. Her life feels revolved around our relationship since we’ve been together.

Shortly after we got married my job moved us cross country. I viewed this as a chance to start over and allow her to get her footing and catch up - she had just lost her job prior due to quiet quitting from being burnt out (lied to me about it for a few weeks but it was a tasking job to be fair)

I thought maybe a new location could help stimulate her and help her develop into who she wants to be. She played with the idea of becoming an artist - and with my network and her talent she could be! But never pursued. Instead settled for another job that she buries herself in but is not challenging enough to expand her capacity.

Fast forward we’ve been here a handful of years now And nothings changed - she doesn’t have her drivers license & barely shows desire to get one even though she keeps saying she’s going to get it. So I drive us everywhere - I pay most bills, fund our lifestyle, house and most everything else.

She’s wonderful, sweet and loves me very much. Takes care of everything she can around the house and is great with my family. We’ve built a great life together - But I feel that I’ve outgrown her in almost every way.

Our conversations are very bare, mostly about work or non stimulating. When I speak about cultural or world events she shows very little interest or ability to grasp without me repeating the thought or concept at least twice. I won’t say I’m smart - but I’m learned and my life experiences have taught me a lot. And in those ways she hasn’t been able to match me

Very few of our conversations have any depth or nuance despite me saying I need to connect with my partner mentally to feel that deeper connection - no real attempt was made to come into my world or interests.

And I’ve tried - doesn’t want to do gym with me, music, culture, fashion, she doesn’t take of care to any of it. Recently she’s tried to have us do more experiences but likely cause she knows how I’m unengaged I’m feeling so it comes off a bit forced.

We laugh at silly things and nostalgia we have but have very little banter or rapport - something I have with almost all of my friends - and aren’t creating new memories.

Sex life is okay at best (2x a month) and we’re only active when we’re communicating which we have frequent spells of silence due to an argument and unexpressed feelings. Every time we do have it’s mostly my initiation. I feel like my libido used to be way higher but now I’m used to this schedule.

I’m being long winded already but there’s more. Ultimately I just feel used. Over the 10+ years she’s gotten my education, finances, taste, language and friendships all of which I’m fine with. But I feel I’ve gotten nothing in return.

And with her love of comfort and stagnation I don’t think I will get anything in return soon. I feel neglected and I feel I’m neglecting my potential but consistently waiting for her to catch up. I’m learning a new language because I want to live in a different country one day. What are we going to do then?

Of course I haven’t been perfect and acknowledge how my job/life can trigger insecurity and doubt. But I’ve prioritized and have done my best to grow myself into a person I would be proud of.

This is all difficult to express to her as well. Even though I have in the past were planning on starting therapy soon - I want to feel like I have a partner who understands and can walk with me in life. And I’m sure she may feel the same.

I don’t want us to split so asking here what can J do? Has anyone been in this situation before? Do I just swallow and bear it?

TLDR: What do I do with a partner that refuses to grow themselves, has no passions and doesn’t pursue the ones they do have, while my career, life interests and desire to grow is taking me to different places?

I'm in this scenario. Being an adult, yet being pressurized by parents to get married. Is it possible to find a guy who is suffering from the same trauma and just wants to get rid of the marriage compulsion by going for a temporary marriage? Or separation after marriage.. no alimony, no maintenance, nothing. Simple marriage and simple judicial separation..

Anyone married to a very passive man? Like all he does is exist? How’s your marriage going if you are married to a passive person and are you considering separation?

My husband and myself have been together for 13 years and married 9.5. We have been thru some stuff but nothing like infidelity or serious like that. Anyhow...He just turned 43 and I'm 38.

Okay so I really just need to get this off my chest. I have been going thru a lot of hormone changes with perimenopause but I try to keep calm and really focus on giving him time when we are together. Anyhow it doesn't matter what I do, he always has a problem.

When I cook, it's "too hot" or it took "too long". It's "too spicy" or "aww man we had corn again". Listen, he knew I wasn't Paula Deen or Pioneer Woman when we got together. And I happen to like corn. Is this new? No, but damn by now can we just be thankful that I cooked for you? It was ready when you got out the shower. Some don't have that.

Today was a holiday. So I slept in til about 9:30. All I heard is how he was up at 7 and I slept my day away. Well it was my day!! Lol Then I hung around the house and was in my pajamas for most of the day. He commented about that saying that "we're not going to lay in our pajamas all day". Which I could tell he was kinda joking but I thought to myself that he was right. I put on some regular clothes and went to my garden. He hates anything that takes time from "us" (even though he had a birthday on the 4th and we have spent the past 4 days together because we were both off). He fussed about me going to the garden and fussed about the animals (he's really jealous of my boy dog) but I take care of all of them. We don't have children so I have cats and dogs.

When I came back in, I got up to do something and he followed me to see what I was doing. Then he was like " will you just sit down? You always think you have to be doing something". Umm....did he not just say that we weren't going to lay around all day?! Anyhow, we got into an argument and he called me a mf. So I didn't cook dinner tonight. I'm not cooking for a man that would talk to me and look at me the way he did. Wth would he want me to cook? There's always something wrong with it. It's like he has been saving up all this until after his birthday cuz before he was so nice. I could tell it was fake. I guess it could be stress cuz his birthday just him and he has always told me that he is going to die at 40 but he's 43 soooo....

Anyways, when I being this stuff up either I am being a b of I'm too sensitive or whatever. Thoughts? Thanks for listening.