hey everyone. I wanted to give an update since so many people commented on my previous post and were really supportive.

Yesterday (a couple hours after the post) I checked his Tiktok following list and found out that he was following over 50 girls who had OF accounts or were basically posting extremely sexualized/fetishized content, specifically focusing on very exaggerated bodies like enormous fake boobs. 

I couldn't sleep today knowing this info 🫠 but I didn't want to message him or call in the middle of the night.

I never paid attention to his following list before because I genuinely never thought he would be that kind of guy (and also because he was following more than 1300 people, I was just lazy lol). But yesterday I felt like checking it for the first time.

This wasn't the only issue in our relationship but it has definitely added a lot more to the way I was feeling about the relationship and the "loose" thing (still can't believe he said that).

When I put these things together I realized that I've lost something I don't think I can get back: my respect and admiration for him. I may love him or care about him but he's definitely not the person I want to build my future with. 

So I ended the relationship today by call. I feel relief instead of sadness, which I think is a good sign.

He was pretty offensive calling me names and it hasn't been a mature breakup at all. I won't get much into it. Just basically he said I'm calling him a porn addict and that it's really offensive when I sent him a screenshot of some of the Tiktok accounts. He also said that I'm throwing it all away just because of those accounts and the comment he made about my vagina weeks ago. Honestly this would have made me doubt a month ago but today? I was too disgusted, sorry.

Also we had an issue with a girl in the beginning of our relationship because she was too close to him and it was obvious that she had intentions with him. He blocked her when I told him I wasn't feeling ok with him feeding into it. Guess who's the person that has sent me a follow request after the breakup and then has deleted it immediately after? I'm talking minutes after the breakup lol which means he has immediately unblocked her after it. Idk if she did that on purpose but to be honest I don't really care.

Just lol and moving on.

I also really want to thank everyone who commented on my previous post and reassured me that my body wasn't the problem. I genuinely appreciate it.

Reading all of your comments helped me step back and realize that there was much more going on here than my body somehow being a problem 

Thank you <3

Hi!

When I was 15 years old I was raped by my boyfriend after I repeatedly said no and tried to convince him we would “another time”. It was how I lost my virginity and caused me a lot of issues. To this day I have panic attacks during sex but overall things had gotten better.

Has not spoken in ten years, he sent me a friend request on Facebook two days ago. It rocked my absolute world we are back to night terrors and panic attacks and fear the whole nine. I check Facebook 100 times a day to look at it and see if it’s still there, when he was last on, did he send me a message request, etc. I check again and again and again and again.

I want to know what the fuck? Like actually what is happening what the fuck. I wanted to let it sit in limbo forever but like I’m just checking and checking and checking and checking. He’s not making a move and if I accept and DOESNT message me to say something? I really don’t want him having access to my life like that.

What would you do what should i do? Quick denial or shoot him a message? But pretty sure the message will get stuck in message requests so like I’d HAVE to accept? Advice all the advice please.

I had a Mirena for 13 years--husband had a vasectomy about 9 years ago but I kept the Mirena to control heavy periods. I'm currently 45 and my GP (who is a CNM) has been after me to "do something about it" for the last couple of years, telling me that it probably wasn't doing anything for my periods anyway at this point. I thought she had a point, that at 45 I might just be getting close enough to menopause that my periods had gotten lighter on their own, and that it might be nice to just get a feel for what my hormonal "baseline" was now. So at my next gyn checkup, I got it out...and 48 hours later I started bleeding as heavily as ever before.

I hate this.

I hate that I will have to go to work tomorrow wearing a tampon AND overnight pad AND period underwear, packing an extra bag loaded with more tampons/pads/underwear and a change of clothes.

I hate that as an elementary teacher I have to strategize bathroom breaks. I hate that the faculty bathroom is on a completely different floor. I hate that I'll have to figure out who I can call to cover my class if I wait too long and end up needing more time to change clothes and clean myself up. I hate that I can't just come in late, leave early, or take a sick day without writing up sub plans. I hate writing sub plans.

I hate that now that I'm in perimenopause, my periods might just decide to be *irregular* as well as heavy, so I will have to be extra-vigilant and pack a full contingency of supplies *anytime* I leave the house.

I hate that I listened to my GP. I hate that my original gyn appointment got postponed due to the clinic's error and instead of dealing with all this in July while I was still on break, now I am dealing with it during the third week of school.

I hate that the only non-surgical solution that I've been offered (another IUD) is still deeply unpleasant--I struggled with a lot of side effects for the first several years after getting the last one (ovarian cysts, breast tenderness, thinning hair on my scalp and increased hair on my face and chest, weight gain, cystic acne on my face, chest, and back; PMS-level rage and irritability more days than not). I hate that surgery is the "better" option because it's expensive and painful and means extra pre- and post-op appointments, a full day off for the procedure, and anywhere from a few days to a few weeks of recovery. So many sub plans.

And I hate that my (wonderful, supportive, well-meaning) husband, who has never had to think about ANY of these things, tried to soothe me by saying "It's OK, we don't have to decide right now..." Because I DO. Because not deciding is a decision itself. Because every day I *don't* decide is another day I have all of the above thoughts running in the background of my mind. Maybe next time I have flooding that sends me sprinting to the bathroom, I will leave the mess for him to clean. Because I don't think he truly understands the magnitude of what I'm dealing with).

Anyway, my gyn told me to let her know how I fared post-removal and said she would get me back in right away if the bleeding got problematic. So I am hopeful that we can get this handled quickly. But for now I just need to be mad and sad and also kind of tired because seriously, I had forgotten just how much blood I was capable of losing and I probably should go eat some steak now.

Thanks for listening. Solidarity to my menorrhagic sisters who are still in the baby-making years. Hang in there. 🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

I think from talking to older women a lot are regretful of their past behaviour as a teenager.

At 19 after a bit of maturing I’m reflecting on how awful I could be in the past. I was friends with a group of girls from the ages of 15-17 just as insecure as I was and we would often judge other girls and make comments about them. Two girls I was friends with have recently dredged up some of the things I would say, overlooking the fact they also were mean and cruel at this point in our lives.

Now I feel sick to my stomach remembering some of these comments and how I talked negatively about people behind their back. I’m a feminist and the thought I put other girls down disgusts me.

I’m also autistic which doesn’t excuse it but I feel I was doing it to try fit in a lot of the time, trying to copy my friends’ behaviour.

I know my 17 year old self was a version of me I have to learn to accept. I am both the 17 year old me and the 19 year old me who regrets and feels remorse for her past behaviour. All I can do now is strive to prove to myself I’ve changed everyday, even if I can’t prove to these past friends I’ve improved.

Is this a common experience for women growing up? Would really appreciate some advice and insight, tysm in advance :)

Guy (36M) I was seeing penetrated me (30F) without condom (and without asking me first)

Please don’t judge my age, since I haven’t had a lot of experience in relationships and also have social anxiety. We are in Spain.

I (30F) started seeing a guy (36M) about a month ago). We met through instagram dm’s. He was randomly messaging me for months and I didn’t reply because I didn’t know who he was.

So boredom got me and I decide to text him back and we started talking for a month. I start to like him because he was well spoken, hardworking and many other things I appreciate in a person.

After a month of talking we decide to meet. We went for a drink and, an hour in, he wants to start kissing me with tongue and touching me and I am not comfortable and really nervous. Then we went to his car, not gonna lie, I did feel attracted but at the same time he was giving me the creeps. We start kissing and I give in. And the he pulls down his pants and I freaked out because I thought he was gonna force me to suck his and I said “NO”. So he takes my hand and leads me to give him a handjob and I’m not comfortable still but I didn’t do anything to stop him.

So after that, we went to a couple more dates, and eventually ended up having sex three of those dates. We talked about using condoms specially since we are not a couple yet. And he brought them.

One of those occasion, we used all the condoms he had brought and then he wants to continue fingering me and obviously I’m with my eyes closed focused and then suddenly I feel something different and it was him penetrating me with his bare penis and I couldn’t do anything to get him off me specially since he was holding my wrists. He didn’t ask me beforehand :( I asked why’d he do that, and he just said “I felt like I trust you”. Wtf? (He ended up pulling out btw, but those were my ovulations days)

Now since thursday (last time we were together) he is been ignoring me and ghosting (I know he is interested and seeing someone new).

I feel fucking devastated, guilty, ashamed, I hate myself because I let this person do this to me. I literally took a shower and wanted to rip my skin off. I feel dirty.

Now I’m scared of an unwanted pregnancy (specially since I was literally ovulating those days) or sti, so scared of him giving me hiv or something else? I feel like my life has been ruined. Is this rape? Should I report this? How can I prove he did this?

While affordable living is a major concern for women as well.

Let's not kid ourselves for it being a major factor.

Control of birthdate is the biggest nation ending chip women have to play to demand better treatment.

But most comments in any video or post talking about falling birthrate is hijacked by men using this chip to demand lower cost of living.

Whereas women don't want to have kids, period. Main reason being permanent loss of income, most of mental and physical load of child rearing and birth,and loss of societal value.

When we say we are not making babies if you don't value us nations do everything (offer some sums of money/benefit to ~family~).

Women in poorest countries and least educated have the most kids, hence it's not a money issue (at least the paltry amount the current government are handing out).

The reasons for birthrate are first and foremost:

1. Loss of income (forever) and loss of standing in corporations under current capitalism

2. Physical demand of childbirth and rearing

3. Mental demand of childrearing and keeping house

4. Grievance from lack of equal responsibility from partner

5. Sexual violence and misogyny from men (during dating, during co-parenting, raising step children not to mention regular domestic)

6. Justice system, culture, laws that are against you

7. Jobs that drain everything and then you have to give whatever left to another full time job of raising kids

8. Women doing this are beyond exhausted with no time to themselves to live life.

No amount of better housing will change my decision to not have kids. We give a free human to society, a human which makes up society and countries and we get next to nothing in return.

This is our bargaining chip and I hate that others have hijacked it and drawn attention elsewhere. Loss of birthrate is only a reflection of the way women are treated by society and men.

The actual way to increase birthrate:

1. Men facing punishment for "accidentally" impregnating women

2. Absolute control over our bodies (absolute abortion rights)

3. Being paid 2x+ salary during maternity and factoring loss of experience led salary reduction (someone else getting promotion as they have more experience if you were gone for maternity)

4. Equal maternity and paternity leave of 2+ years (unequal paternity leads to companies favoring men as they will have less time away)

5. A society where men are equal partners in all domestic and child rearing work

6. Pregnancy and birth money to mothers only (push present)

7. Better co-parenting laws and penalty (men abuse the system to control mothers)

8. Massive support to single mothers (they are doing more work for the country than any politician or soldiers)

9. End of violence against women

*Above not in order*

They will try hundreds of other ways (taking away abortion rights, giving fetus more rights than mothers etc) but it's not going to change. Mother's face huge sacrifice in order create an adult human and for what?

Edit 1: I am not pro solving this. I think world population should be around 4billion. But I am talking about this as a bargaining chip at the table. So many establishments are talking about incels, manosphere, mens mental health due to men's bargaining chip-violence. We don't have any and we can use this.

Edit 2: Poor women have the most children. For richer women it's less about money and more about comfort and no loss of life quality.

Edit 3: Some/most women may not ever want kids solely because of how much work this is. Why are we already exhausted?-due to corporate work. Would you work to rear your child if you were paid the same as your corporate job?. A lot might answer yes. Because women need to work two jobs supplemental one time payment is not not going to work to get these women to create adult human. For non-poor women it's very much about quality of life.

I saw another post that reminded me of this absolute idiocy from my first marriage. One day my ex saw my underwear in the laundry and, since I hadn't worn a liner that day, there was a little dried discharge on the gusset. This absolute knob of a man came storming over to me, waving the "evidence", and screamed at me WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THESE?!?!?

I'm sorry what? I was absolutely confused, Soo he said, Do I need to spell it out for you? I know what you were doing - WHO MADE YOU CUM???

Like sir, we've been married and have two children together. Tell me you still have no clue about women's bodies without telling me.

Of course, later I learned he'd been cheating on ME, so this was totally deflection. Fucking idiot.

That's all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Hi, I’m reposting this because my previous post was missing a lot of details and I really need some outside perspective on this.

I’m 20F and my ex is 23M. We were together for 8 months, long-distance, and this was both of our first relationships. We saw each other about once a month, and he would travel around 7 hours to see me. He was genuinely one of the kindest, calmest and most supportive people I’ve ever met. He was a homebody, never treated me badly, and always made a huge effort for me. We were also making plans for our future, and I was even helping him look for a job in my city because we wanted him to move here.

About three weeks ago, we were on Discord and he was sharing his screen with me. I saw a conversation with another woman where he had told her: “you’re making me fall for you.”

I confronted him immediately. He admitted that he had downloaded a dating app again and had been talking to other women.
I told him why did you ask me to be your gf if you never wanted a serious relationship? His explanation was that he did want a serious relationship, but that he's always had an “addiction to the chase” and that he couldn’t control the urge. He also said that whenever he felt sad or insecure, talking to women and getting attention gave him a “boost.”

What really destroyed me was that he said it wasn’t a mistake because he knew exactly what he was doing. He said he simply thought that if I never found out, I wouldn’t get hurt.
He also told me the only thing he regrets doing is hurting me, because “I don't deserve him” and I'm the best person he's ever met.

I asked him to delete my pictures, which he did, and he sent me a goodbye message. (Atp I didnt event say I wanted to end the relationship, so why did he jump straight into sending a goodbye message?) Also, he was used to sharing his screen when we called, how could he “forget” he had been texting another woman a few hours before we called? I'm starting to believe he wanted me to see that message. He didn't even try to tell me he'd change, or at least tell me we could work on it: it seemed like he didn't care at all that we were breaking up. Meanwhile I was devastated.

The next day, he posted a picture of his car (he literally never posts stories) and followed five new women, so I’m assuming he went right back to the dating app.

We’ve been completely no-contact for three weeks now.

I miss him so much.

I know what he did was wrong. I know I probably did the right thing by leaving. But I still keep thinking about the person he was with me and wondering if I threw away something really special.

I don’t know if I want closure, if I want another chance, or if I just desperately want an excuse to talk to him again. Part of me wants to text him so badly, but another part of me is terrified that I’ll regret breaking no-contact.

Would you consider what he did cheating? And if you were in my position, would you ever consider giving someone like this another chance?

I honestly don’t know what to do.

Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I’m reading every single one and it’s honestly helping me a lot to see things from a different perspective. A lot of what you’re saying makes sense, although the one thing I don’t really agree with is the idea that he was a “fuckboy” (or at least, he definitely didn’t seem like one and never acted like one).

I swear, none of this makes sense to me right now. He told me that in high school he was always kind of “invisible” and even struggled with social anxiety, and it was only recently that he started becoming more confident. He genuinely never fit the womanizer stereotype. If anything, he was the complete opposite. He even told me I helped him become more confident in himself, and honestly, you could tell he had a lot more confidence by the first time we met.

I feel like I did a lot for him, too. I was even sending out job applications and CVs for him to positions in my city (I know, maybe that was a little intense, but it was something we were doing together because the whole point was for us to eventually live closer). I live in a big city with a lot of opportunities, while he lives in a really small town. One of his dreams was to live in a big city, and I was helping him try to make that happen.
He used to tell me every day how excited he was about the possibility of getting a job in my city so we could finally be closer. I just genuinely can’t understand how he suddenly became this way and let the whole thing go so quickly.

Sorry for the rant. This was the first time I’d ever been in love, and judging by the way he acted, I really thought he was in love too.

I know this is something many other women have talked about before, but I don't think we’re comprehending that enough. Even if a man doesn't say that out loud, or if he’s “nice” about it, I feel like subconsciously that's how most men view it and it’s really disturbing.

Like I've seen a comment under a female weightlifter saying “I would let her peg me”.

I'm not religious at all, but people REALLY need to choose who they decide to sleep with more carefully.

Edit: Opsies, clearly many people are mad. So sorry for giving you something to think about I guess

Tonight, while I was out at a bar with some people (including this friend and her boyfriend, lets call him Elliott) while I was off to the side, I had a girl come up to me and ask if I was with Elliott. I said yes, and she proceeded to warn me that he was a registered sex offender, due to an offense with a 13 YEAR OLD GIRL. I pointed at Elliott to make sure we were talking about the same guy, and she definitely meant him. I just kind of stood there staring at her in shock, and she said she just thought I should be aware, and walked away. My friend had gone to the bathroom at this point, but once she got back, I pulled her to the side and informed her of the interaction. She seemed confused and weirded out, but also seemed to just kind of dismiss the interaction. A few minutes later, I did some preliminary Google searches of his name to see if I could find anything, and nothing really came up so I figured maybe the woman was drunk and confusing him for someone else. But once I got home and sobered up, I decided to do more thorough searches just in case. And when I searched his name on the official sex offenders registry for our state, there he fucking was, his name, picture, and address attached to the registry due to "predatory criminal sexual assault of a victim <13". And according to the registry, this happened when he was 21, about 5 years ago, and the victim was 13. So this wasn't even very long ago (not that it would make it ok if it was in the more distant past, but still).

So my question is, what the fuck do I do? I obviously need to speak to my friend about this and warn her, but I have no idea how to initiate this conversation or what to even say. I'm also terrified of the possibility that she is already aware of this information and chose to continue to date him, because if that is the case I feel like I have no other option but to end the friendship. And she is one of my closest friends, we share many mutual friends, and I'm also fairly close with her mom. I'm hoping that isn't the case because that seems completely out of character for her, but her reaction when I told her was a bit strange. Granted, we had been drinking, so that could be part of why she seemed to dismiss the interaction, but still.

I was also completely blindsided by this information because I worked with Elliott for most of this year and have hung out with him multiple times with my friend, and he has always been exceedingly respectful towards both of us, and all women in general. I'm just at a loss here.

I honestly could use some answers right now because I am having my first truly intimate relationship at 24. This relationship is purely physical and not romantic as we do have some differences but it is completely mutual, which was never the case before. I am still haunted by men of years past who I trusted as friends or FWBs and didn’t reciprocate their “romantic” feelings. They completely traumatized and exhausted me to the point of not wanting to be around men, perceived by them or intimate with them at all for years. I’ve known this current guy for about 7 months yet I was very hesitant to pursue him at first because of all the trauma and BS the others put me through. He agreed to exchange numbers and we have now been talking for almost a week. I really hope this goes well and no drama comes out of it like all the others. I just really want to be in a peace of mind for this.

I am coming to realize my bras are getting pretty old, and I am bummed about it, because I loved them, but they are at the end of their life. I am looking for something incredibly basic, durable, and comfortable. No crazy patterns, no lace, gems, charms or crazy cuts. Strong preference for wireless. Does anyone have any recommendations?

I'm so nervous. I only recently learned I was bi and it's my first ever real date with a woman. Will bringing her a small bouquet of flowers be too much?

I'm 19F and my boyfriend is 19M.

we've been having some issues with sexual compatibility because I can usually orgasm during sex while he has never been able to with me (only with hand).

i brought this up recently because I was starting to wonder whether there was something we were doing wrong or that he could possibly have an issue he didn't want to tell me.)

He told me that apparently this has never happened with his previous partners and that I'm the only person he's been with who he can't finish with. 💀

Then he said that he thinks it’s because I'm not tight enough and that I'm basically "too loose" for him.

I know he was probably frustrated and insecure because I brought up the fact that he never finishes, and I also understand that the conversation probably made him feel bad. But hearing him specifically say that my body is the reason he can't orgasm has really gotten into my head.

I keep thinking about it now and wondering if there is actually something physically wrong with me or if this is just one of those things where two people can have different sexual compatibility.

Just in case for context, I haven't had any children or anything like that and I've never been told that theres anything unusual about my body. My ex partner never had a problem regarding this matter.

Has anyone else experienced something similar??? Is it actually possible for someone to consistently have trouble orgasming with one partner because of how "tight" or "loose" they are or is there probably more going on here??

his comment has been stuck in my head ever since

I’m in Australia, and we’ve had some heated debates in politics over the “feminisation of curriculum” in our classrooms and naturally, there’s a lot of men posting and agreeing - complaining women have too many privileges, women shouldn’t get equal pay, how women contribute nothing but a child, that society is built for women and so on. I’ve even heard ridiculous statements that sitting down in the classroom is “feminine” and boys should be encouraged to run around and holler as much as they want because we’re holding back boys.

It’s crappy because there are quality men out there who have empathy.

What’s the situation like in your countries?

20f. I grew up in a very religious environment with a lot of shame around sex so maybe that's part of it. But I've been sexually active and never had something like this. I feel like I've felt way less shame than my other ex religious peers because of my autism in a way so this is a little strange. I've never even really thought about it

I gave my boyfriend a BJ, not prompted by him, I've done this before several times. I'll admit I feel insecure that I'm not very good at giving them, it usually takes him forever to actually cum from it no matter what I try so I usually just do it as a warm up. But this time he actually finished within a couple minutes. I should have been excited, I've been trying to get better at it, but I just felt this absolutely wave of distress and I can not figure out WHY.

I just got this feeling like I was pathetic and almost used in a way? Which is weird because he wasn't an asshole in any way, he never has been, he's not a situationship or anything we've been living together for a year, and he's reciprocal with sex. He thanked me and cuddled me after and rubbed my back (all I wanted because I'm on my period and don't want blood everywhere). So I can't understand why this time in particular I felt like that, why I had the wave of shame and distress, why I felt dirty. Almost spiteful

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is it possible there's some deeper trauma going on? Period hormones messing with me? Autism thing? The only time I've felt similar was thinking back on my ""ex"" who actually was using me and pressured me into sending things I didn't want to when I was 17. Was this maybe a weird trigger? I don't know, but I don't like the feeling of being resentful at someone who didn't even do anything to Warrant it and I don't want it to ruin sex for me. I've felt it before sometimes. Just a weird surge of spite towards him and all men when I think of something an ex did or I just hear a similar story or feel vaguely similar and I want to distance. What can I do to prevent this?

We have been married a couple decades. He goes frequently through phases where he is very sarcastic with me. I cannot get a normal response and this causes me to pretty much shut down and avoid him. I’m never sure what triggers it.

Today for instance, I was very tired and fell asleep in the afternoon. I really overslept. I woke up and the clock said 7:40, and I thought it was 7:40am and was very confused as to why it was so dark.

When I came out of the bedroom, he said, “There’s a plate for you and it’s probably still warm..” I thanked him and said how surprised I was that I slept so long. He said he had napped too, and said, “But I set my alarm, because I knew we had to eat.”

As if I don’t cook most meals.

Do many of us go through the sarcasm in marriages? It feels so belittling.

ETA: A lot of people have pointed out that this behavior isn’t really sarcasm, but more a passive aggressive expression of anger or dislike. I have to agree with you all that my use of “sarcasm” was inaccurate.