Accessibility text: a metal slide that starts as two separate slides. One is labeled breastfed and the other labeled formula fed, there is a child at the top of each slide. As the slide continues the two slides converge and at the bottom of they become one slide. The bottom of the slide is labeled Eating McDonald's French fries off the floor of the car.

They are normally good kids but holy shit they can get on a tear whining about things. Had to pull out this classic dad move for the first time (kids 6 and 3). Wonder what happens to me next. Feels like the part of Star Wars where Luke cuts off fake darth Vader’s hand, only to see it become his own hand to symbolize his transformation into Vader. Anyways, I gotta go, there’s a great sale on white New Balance shoes and tube socks, and the grass needs mowing.

Son was born a couple years back and my family have become top priority. Work feels meaningless now. Money has become more important than ever but I’m struggling to find motivation.

Anyone else encounter the same issue? Did you find a way get more motivated to work again?

EDIT: thank you all for your responses. A lot of us feel the same way about work. Even if we know it pays the bills, it can’t compare to spending time with our kids. Some of us have the view of doing it for the kids and while that’s admirable, i feel I’ll end up waking up dreading work each day with this mindset because I’ll be dragging myself through it.

Someone commented that we’ve got more reasons than ever to excel at work and well everything really. Work, finances, our relationships, being a great dad. We’re not just providing for our families but modeling what life is for men. Our kids will learn what to do and what not to from observing us and comparing us to other men they see. I’ll try to balance everything but also become better at what I do so that I can show my son what life looks like in this mode.

Btw, I don’t truly believe that work is meaningless because by working we serve others. It’s just felt that way for the past couple of years.

Time to continue moving forward. Thanks again all.

My oldest is at the phase where they don't want to be touched, I ask for hugs and respect boundaries the best I can. Tonight my mother-in-law who has previous brain damage, a hard time regulating emotions, and no patience swooped in for big hugs and kisses.

My oldest said no multiple times, but she forced hugs and kisses on the cheek. I gave her a moment then told her to stop and ended up having to take my oldest away from her. She got all upset and said they were leaving immediately. I told her I have to respect my oldest's wishes and that I gave her a moment, but that's that.

After that she asked the 2.5 year old to give her a hug and was mad they didn't come fast enough. Pretty typical behavior for her, but I will never let my kids feel they are not safe around me or that I won't stand up for them.

I'm pretty proud of myself because it compliments my oldest recently asking me how I felt about something leading to us having the longest conversation we've had in a while. I'm not expecting any acknowledgement from them, but know I did the right thing and they won't forget that.

I have four kids ranging in age from 21 years to 11 months.. my two oldest daughters (18 and 21) are constantly asking me about how to do stuff related to their phones and computers. I obviously don’t mind helping my kids and secretly love that they still come to me for stuff but how is it that their generation grew up quite literally with this technology in their hands yet know almost nothing about it? I’m an elder millennial(43) and the Boomers above me and the Gen Z below me know nothing about trouble shooting or anything in between. Maybe it’s because Tom had us writing script for MySpace when we were 23..

My son (14) had a couple neighborhood buddies sleep over Saturday night of Labor Day weekend. Only, I don't think they slept much. They watched a movie, played a lot of video games and talked a lot. I think my son got about two hours of sleep before deciding to get up for breakfast this morning at about 8:30. He and his buddies hung around a bit more this afternoon, shooting hoops, and more gaming.

This evening after dinner my son took a nap on the couch. We let him sleep until about 7:00pm then woke him up to get him to take a shower.

He was reluctant to get up but finally did, and went to shower. After his shower he came back to the living room and told us he couldn't believe we let him sleep on the couch.

I stepped in front of his view of the clock and asked him what time he thought it was.

He said 'Like 9?'

And what day?

'Monday?'

I told him "No dude, its 7:30 Sunday evening."

The disbelief on his face was hilarious when he asked us if we were sure. More so when he asked if we were telling him the truth.

Good news buddy, you've got more weekend left than you thought!

*edit. Thank you all for the helpful comments. I am starting to realize my issue is a managment issue, my managment issue. I have never used an ereader, so I think I just blanket banned because I didn't understand the tech. I will talk to my wife and my favorite search engine to show me how it works and how to manage the device. I will also sit down with my little dude and ask him to show me why he loves it. Thank you all again for the constructive criticism!

**2nd edit. I asked my wife to show me how to manage the device. I now see I was being a curmudgon and a bit of a luddite. It is easy to manage and I have a lot more to learn.

*Original Post

Hello fellow dads. I am the dad of an 11 year old reader. The main employable consequence we have as parent in my house is grounding from "screen time." My wife argues that a Kindle isn't a screen, it's just a reading device and it shouldn't count as a screen. I disagree.

He tends to use his Kindle as comic strip/graphic novel device when he is grounded from screens and I don't want to manage what he reads, the consequence for me is the removal of digital access to entertainment.

He has access to and utilizes our substantial physical library and large comic book/graphic novel collection. He can also check out what he wants from his school library and the two public libraries he has cards to.

My arguement is if he is grounded from screens, easy access to digital comics in his Kindle should be included. No screens is a boundary that is clearly enforcable for both parents. My wife argues he is in the middle of a book series, I think that he can either wait until the consequence is done or check out the book he is on in the series from one of the libraries he had access to.

I will admit I am a bit behind the times in the screen managment world, so the consequence is also about me being able to confidently enforce it as well as the rest I have stated. I also like that including his Kindle in "no screens" makes him have to use physical media and makes it just ever so slightly more "difficult" which in my mind reinforces the consequence.

What do y'all think?

So I have this issue, am I overreacting or is this something thats normal ?

A little background here.........my wife (34F) and I(32M). (have a child (8 years old), my mother in law is married to a guy my wife went to high school with shes like 55 , and he's around our age of 34. The

The problem is I find him to be a bit of a weirdo. He used to be obsessed ( to be honest i think he still is) with my wife and used to constantly ask my MIL to hook him up with her, and my wife constantly rejected him (of course this was way before my time.

Then somehow my in law ended up marrying him. I proposed to my wife on the beach in miami. Literally 6 months later , he proposes to MIL on the beach in Miami. I used to wear a man bun ( yeah i know lol) , and week later he grows his hair out to attempt a man bun. I bought a new truck a while back, 3 months later he buys a new truck, years later I sell my truck as I traded it for a more eco-friendly dad vehicle, he shortly after sells his truck also. My best friend/best man at my wedding was named Marcello, they get a dog and name the damn thing marcello

, I've never met a dog named marcello beforeIt feels they are in constant competition with us (for no reason as what are they trying to prove, but apparently wife and her mom are always competing with each other for years. If we plan a family trip and my wife tells her mom about it they try to book the exact same trip before we do. Its such a weird uncomfortable & dysfunctional dynamic.

So my wife went out of state with our son to visit her mother in FL, I couldnt go because I had to work and I am saving my pto for other trips and we have bills to pay. Come to find out MIL 's husband has taken a liking to our son , and he bought a bunch of fugglers ( its these ugly toys my son is super into) i personally hate them , but he enjoys them so whatever. We buy them for him all the time back at home and he has got a big collection now- ( I am sick of looking at them lol).

Mind you he barely knows my son and while I appreciate the gifts I feel weird about it.

We just moved out to the country and I have been planning to get all 3 of us bikes so we can ride trails together, ( my son never was into bikes and didnt care for th3m for years but I was gonna get him a brand new bike and I was very excited for him to come back so I can show him his new bike. Come to find out MIL 's hubby bought him a bike there and they all rode trails out there together. It made me feel weird because I was looking forward to getting my son a cool new bike and i feel as a man there are certain boundaries and that was a bit over stepping, i still got us bikes but he wasn't as excited because he already got a new bike from MIL husband, and i feel an important milestone was taken from me as i was really excited to show my son. I was livid when wife told me this and voiced it to my wife ans explained how I feel. She scoffed and brushed me off and said I am just overreacting ans being insecure, and basically just invalidated any feeling I had and dismissed it.

Now I overheard the MIL on speaker saying this dude just bought a bunch of fugglers for when Liam comes back down there for Thanksgiving (this time i will be going too)

, its kinda getting excessive especially since my son barely knows him and given the husbands track record i dont feel its genuine. i dont like the husband for good reason, and MIL is insane and bipolar and I hate being around them. But im sucking it up bc wife and MIL are trying to repair their relationship as they have constantly had a strained relationship for nearly my wife's entire life, and I believe my son should have a relationship with his grandmother and spend time with her (regardless of my opinion of them.

So I voiced my opinion to my wife that i find it a bit strange that he is now buying our son all of this stuff and literally he barely has been around our son she of course dismissed it , and says I should be happy that he's being so nice to our child, and I should be appreciative. I appreciate he's treating him nicely but I find it a bit weird and uncomfortable. So I cant even talk or vent to my significant other so I figured maybe my buddies and reddit could lend an ear ?

1. I could understand if the MIL was doing this as thats normal bc grandparents usually spoil the grandkids but its him, I haven't been in a wierd spot like this before

2. Im probably gonna have a chat with him about it when we go up there to see whats up.

3. Also im tired of seeing these damn fugglers all over our house and im constantly stepping on them'

4. I could also understand if he was a true uncle or a close friend of mine , but he's not.

5. Also the MIL cant trust her husband to be alone with my wife and she is extremely insecure about it (who can blame her, but why marry someone like that?) . And he was creepy with my wife a long time ago at a point when he thought we were separated many years ago, and he was mad that my wife called him out in front of MIL which caused my wife and MIL to not speak to eachother for a few years, because she rejected his attempt at flirting with her, He is known to have a wandering eye as well so I dont trust anything he says or does.

I know its a weird situation, my first instinct is to punch him in the face when I see him, which my wife knew and fhats why we are renting an air bnb instead of staying with them bc she thinks im going to attack him. ( which I wouldn't do something like that at their own home or in front of our son.

Fellow dad's having all this background, how would yall feel about this if it were you ? Am I overreacting like my wife claims ? How would my fellow dad bros navigate this ?

My wife had a baby a few days ago. When I look at this little guy my heart swells with so much love that it actually freaks me out and makes me a bit anxious lol. Is that part of the dad experience?

Hey everyone. Dad of 2 wonderful boys here (4yo and 1 week old). My 4yo starts his second year of preschool this week, however, my wife and I are beginning to have second thoughts about sending him at least until our infant can get his 2 month vaccines. From experience in his first year of preschool, it is not if but rather when will he get sick. To make matters worse, we were told by a fellow parent at his school that they do not vaccinate their children. Thankfully, both of our boys are exceptionally healthy.

What would you do? Send 4yo to preschool, take precautions when they come back home (change clothes, wash up) or keep him home altogether?

Just curious to hear from other people to see if what my wife and I are seeing from our friends is common:

We have 2 kids now, 4 and 10 months, and we are in our mid thirties. We have friends from college, high school, and previous jobs, and then we have parent friends that we've met through shared kid activities.

Of the original group of friends I would estimate that about half of them are getting increasingly difficult for us to relate to because they're essentially living like they never left college. It's not about not having kids because there's plenty of people who don't who are still seeming to do a fairly reasonable job figuring themselves out.

I haven't been able to relate to breakup drama, consuming more media than I'll have time for in at least a decade, re-inventing identity and aesthetic, bouncing between dead end jobs getting fired because they just don't show up to work, and collecting various fashionable ailments from social media. And any time they want to interact with one or both of us they essentially only want the version of us from before we had kids. They either don't consider the kids at all (but why can't you both come play board games at my messy apartment for 5 hours?) Or they want one of us to take both kids for a full day or a weekend on almost no notice so they can have the other one.

I am into some fairly nerdy hobbies, and I thought having to relate to other more "normie" dads would be hard, but I've had a much easier time making conversation with another dad about whatever thing is "his" that he keeps jammed in a closet and gets to think about for an hour before the kids wake up or after they go to bed, even when it's fantasy football or his special "Fun Car". Then when I try to talk about something like warhammer with one of my pre-kid friends the fact that they've had the time to follow the competition meta, the new edition, read all the lore books and watch all the series that have come out I just end up saying "oh I didn't know" over and over again.

My daughter for two weeks in a row had stolen the last bit of my son's milkshake without asking and trying to be sneaky. The first time I was very stern and only spoke with her about how it would make her feel, and that it wasn't right unless she asked for permission. Then the next time she did it again. My punishment idea was whenever we next got milkshakes she would go without and her brother would still get one but my wife thinks that is too far separated from the deed and we should do a punishment closer to the event. She suggested giving a half dessert at the next dessert option but I feel like that is pretty weak and wouldn't even bother her too much. She is 6 but she's super smart for her age.

Thoughts?

My daughter is just over 2 years old. Last year I got her a Shotgun front bike seat, and it’s now one of our absolute favorite things to do together. I biked nearly every day growing up, but as life got busier I did it less and less.

Now we’re out multiple times a week. We pack snacks, grab a water bottle, and head off to the trails. I’m not usually one to post about or endorse products, but this has brought so much joy and healthy living into our house that I wanted to share. It’s not the cheapest option, but it’s been worth every penny.

If you’re looking for a way to spend some one-on-one time with your little one and get outside, I highly recommend it.

Don’t have a lot of friends,i’m 24 and most of the people i work with my age are still going out every night and in a different way point in my life. so i don’t really hang or talk to anyone to much but i wanna have a fun fantasy league where we all chat and shit talk, maybe down the road it can be a yearly league of anyone is interested just pm me i’ll set the draft for tmrw when it works for everyone

Hi Dads —

First-time poster here. My wife — the stepmother of my kids and all around amazing woman — loves this community and introduced me to it.

We were talking last night, and I said something she encouraged me to share here. I suppose she thought it might mean something to some of the newer dads.

For a little context, I had my first child when I was only 24. I had just started college after not finishing school earlier in life. So I went to school while helping raise a newborn and working. I got up at 4:30 every morning, went to class, went to work, helped take care of her in between it all, stayed up half the night doing schoolwork, basically took a nap, and did it all over again.

Right as I was graduating, my second daughter was born. Four years later, just as I thought I was finally getting my head above water, my son arrived.

Needless to say, it was hard. It was exhausting. I lost touch with most of my friends. I felt isolated. It seemed like 99.99% of my waking hours were spent working or taking care of my home and family.

I remember swearing to my mom that I would never miss those days.

Well, now the kids are all but grown. Our oldest is in her third year of college. Our younger daughter is a teenager and off with her friends most nights. Our son is 11.

And last night I said to my wife:

“When I look back on when the kids were really little, I feel nothing but nostalgia for all of it. All I remember is the good stuff. And I’d do it all over a million times if I could.”

For all the exhaustion, late nights, annoyances, interruptions, and everything else, I’d give almost anything to rock my kids to sleep again, to be woken up in the middle of the night by my daughter crying because she had a nightmare, to see my son with his snaggle tooth and goofy glasses crying because I wouldn’t buy him a pair of Paw Patrol slippers at Old Navy — an experience that happened time and again and was so aggravating to me at the time.

Those are the things I remember now, and they are all happy memories.

So, new dads: as exhausting as all of this is, I can promise you that when you look back 10 or 15 years from now, the hard parts will have faded.

What you’ll remember are those little smiling faces. Your kids jumping into your lap. Rocking your son or daughter to sleep. Reading their favorite book for the hundredth time and feeling them squirm with excitement because they know their favorite part is coming (while you struggle to keep your eyes open).

The exhaustion and frustration that seemed so enormous at the time will feel insignificant compared with what you got in return.

And the strange, kind of heartbreaking part is that someday you’ll wish you could have it back.

And you can’t.

So, as much as you can, show up for it.

Be there. Be present. Let yourself experience all of it—even the exhausting parts.

Savor as many of those ordinary little moments as you can, because someday you’ll realize they were extraordinary and fleeting.

You won’t do it perfectly. None of us do.
And your kids don’t need you to be perfect.
They just need you to show up.

This morning my 6 year old was playing paw patrol at 6am and I overheard him tell one of the pups in his Ryder voice its ok Rubble, mistakes are opportunities. Its a phrase I always tell my kids when they make a mistake. I say it to them when I make a mistake as well and talk about how its an opportunity for me to be more patient or to learn something new.

When I grew up mistakes were finite. I was heavily penalized for them and constantly reminded about them. When my brother made a mistake we all suffered for it. When I made a mistake it was only me and I was either singled out or treated like I was invisible.

I feel like its easy to feel like Im not the best dad and can always do more. Its nice to see that Im at least doing something right and teaching my kids to be kinder to themselves when they make a mistake. Thanks for reading about my small win today.

My wife and I had our first baby a little over 3 months ago and since then she’s been dealing with really severe postpartum depression, anxiety and OCD. I love her and our daughter more than anything but I’m really struggling and I guess I’m looking for advice from other dads who have been through something similar.

My wife has a really hard time with the baby crying and feeding her can sometimes cause her to completely panic. And I don’t mean just getting overwhelmed. She’s had panic attacks where she’s rocking on the floor, hiding in the closet, and getting stuck in a loop in her head that she can’t get herself out of.

Because of that I’ve basically been the default parent since our daughter was born. I do most of the feeds and a lot of the day to day stuff. When my wife does try to take over I’m constantly worried that something is going to set her off and I’m going to end up having to take the baby anyway while also trying to help my wife through a panic attack. I’ve actually caught myself just doing things myself instead of asking my wife to feed her or take her because in my head it’s easier than risking everything blowing up. I know that’s probably not helping things long term but after 3 months of this I feel like I’m constantly trying to prevent the next crisis.

I also feel like I can’t really leave. My wife isn’t going to hurt our daughter or anything like that. I’m not worried about that. But when she has a really bad panic attack she basically can’t function and I don’t know what would happen if I wasn’t there to take over.

We don’t have family that’s really able to help us and she doesn’t trust babysitters or nannies, so I feel like I’m always on call.
I’m starting to get angry and irritable and then I feel like shit for being angry because I know she didn’t choose any of this. She’s obviously suffering too and I know this isn’t the experience she wanted either.

I think one of the things I’m struggling with the most is that WE wanted this baby so badly. I pictured us figuring all of this out together and instead I feel like I’m taking care of our daughter and taking care of my wife at the same time. I feel really fucking alone.
I don’t even know how to talk to my wife about how I’m feeling because I’m afraid she’ll just feel guilty and spiral even more. So most of the time I just keep it to myself.

For the dads who have been through severe PPD/PPA/OCD with their wives, what did you actually do? How did you get through the period where you felt like you had to handle everything? How did you get time for yourself when you didn’t feel comfortable leaving mom alone with the baby?
And did things eventually start feeling normal again?
I’m not looking to leave my wife or anything like that. I love her and I know she’s sick. I’m just exhausted from feeling like I have to hold everything together all the time and I don’t really know what to do anymore.

Edit because I forgot to mention: She’s been trying to get her psych meds right. Waiting on those to kick in/find right combo and dose. Also starting new therapist this week. Just been a long process

My daughter starts kindergarten on Thursday, and today was kind of the last day of summer holidays where there's no work or anything (son starts grade 4 tomorrow)

I was laying on the couch just relaxing and she was sitting with me just chit chatting. I started to doze off and she snuggled up and we napped together. I woke up and realized this is probably one of the last times that will happen. Bitter sweet

Then this evening she said let's take the training wheels off my bike. She was ripping around for like an hour and a half. Got it on the first try (new dads get your kid a run bike, she used that and a bike with training wheels)

It was just a really really good day and I feel very happy.

My daughter just turned 1 and is going to her first day of daycare tomorrow. I've cried twice already thinking about it. I know she will be fine and is going to play with other babies and eat new foods. But its so hard to trust anyone else to protect her other than myself and my wife. This first year has absolutely flown by and all I want to do is spend as much time as possible with her. Shes only going 3 days a week, so its not too bad. But im already thinking 18 years from now if she goes to college, ugh....I am going to fall apart. Or if she ever gets married, moves out of the house, etc. I know I have awhile before any of those milestones happen, and you better believe im going to savor ever single second with her between now and then. But if this is how I feel with her going to a daycare 10 minutes from our house....I might die when she moves out lol. I never imagined I could love anyone as much as I love her.

Not really looking for advice. I know she'll be ok. But damn, being a dad is going to really suck at times.

I just had my first child with my wife 2 months ago. I thought I'd get more ambition to work and get better jobs etc. but my whole perspective has changed.

I am not lazy, I've saved well over the years even though not being a super high earner.

I know I probably need to earn more if we have more kids and to give my wife more options, but I'm just not motivated to push more. I just want more time. The thought of spending more time commuting or working just isn't worth it. I want time with my wife and child and would sacrifice having more leftover money at the end of the month.

Is this normal?

I'd even just live month to month with some savings in the bank for the next 5 years than climb the ladder.

I literally don't care about a career anymore

So Disney is running Cars at most theatres for the 20th anniversary. Yes he was trying to give the cars his ticket.

My son being a cars fan, I told my wife about this the moment I found out. He’d never been to a theatre, all movies have been at home. Normally, he is an active movie watcher who does stuff while he watches movies

Here, my wife brought some of his toys and his special sweater. He was over the moon the moment the movie started playing

Being my son, he quoted more or less the entire movie is it went on. We tried to go to the least filled showing so we wouldn’t disturb ppl

Thankfully, there were one other set of parents with their son. His first movie too. Popcorn, some of his diecast car toys. Tip to my wife, the toys kept him in his seat.

We were a couple rows up and I while we tried to keep our sons yelling to a full roar, he definitely got excited and would yell when the characters yelled. We wanted him to be excited but not cause a spectacle. We would tell him to whisper whisper just so he could still talk

Worked for the most part, and we tried to simply lower his volume not shame him to stop. I asked the other parents after and simply offered to say, I hope he had fun and I apologize if our son may have impeded on his experience.

Thankfully, the dad I talked to was nice and he said he was yelling too and just as excited. So really just maybe the 20s guy who was enjoying it again, but grand total of 7-8 ppl.

He kept getting happy and cheering and excited and it made me happy cry when it started cuz his eyes were so wide. I’ll hold that forever even if he doesn’t.

Life is up and down right now so glad to have little things to bring us joy.

I got 1 hour before the kid gets home to get this into its completed state. Head down, here we go.

Just realized I can edit this for update:

UPDATE

Appreciate the tips, help, and support fellas! Didn’t quite make it, but obviously my daughter LOVES IT!

Lessons learned.

1. This is about a 2 hour assembly process
2. Letting your daughter discover her newest biggest birthday present 30 minutes before bedtime may cause a significant delay in bedtime
3. Letting her “help” was actually really fun

4. The time issue

   was not just daughter coming home but that

5. work nights, but I called my colleague and he let me come in two hours late so that I could finish it and also watch her play with it for a while before bed.

My son is 2 and a half and I'm finally getting around to doing my will and other related documents. My wife and I have a rough outline for what we think we'd like to do, but we still need to have conversations with all parties involved. Here are a few of my questions:

• Say our guardianship list is 7 people/couples (primary and alternates) - would you ask every single person on that list if they are okay being included? My understanding is that people are able to decline after the fact, which is why the alternates are important. For the people who are 5, 6, and 7 on the list would you just let them find out they're included when the time comes? Otherwise, it's possible someone like a brother/uncle could be hurt during that conversation to find out they're so far down the list. (e.g. - my wife's brother is 7th on our list, and may be totally excluded when all is said and done just because we have many better options and he's sort of a last resort, better than our kids being in an orphanage sort of deal).

• At what point would you say grandparents age out of being included? Obviously not an absolute age, and health can be unpredictable. When my son is 18 his grandparents will all be somewhere between 75 and 80. We are having another child very soon, so that pushes all of those ages back 2-3 years. Does that approach a point of saying grandparents are excluded from guardianship?

• We have life insurance. We're reevaluating our arrangements for that as part of this, but as of now we have $500k policies on each of us - enough to pay off the house if one of us dies, and enough to largely pay for the kids expenses for a number of years if we both were to die. With that in mind, how much weight would you put on the guardian's independent financial means? E.g. - my mom is still working at 64 because she has to - will probably work another 3+ years if I had to guess, but she would absolutely be a fantastic guardian. My dad on the other hand has an 8-figure net worth, but I'm less comfortable/confident in the idea of him and his wife being guardians.

Any and all input is appreciated - especially things that are overarching philosophical approaches rather than specific answers to these concerns.