Medical student on pediatrics rotation and I was taken to watch a circumcision and this brought up a lot of weird latent feelings in me. I honestly felt sick to my stomach watching the infants scream and contort as we sliced off their foreskins. It has easily been the most disturbing thing I’ve witnessed in school so far.

After some deeper thinking about it, I’m just surprised this is still a thing that’s even practiced. It has minimal studied benefits with much of the literature linked to HIV reduction in extremely high HIV prevalent regions which are not as easily applicable to relatively low HIV areas, with some basic studies showing UTI reduction. All of these studies being of poor quality. Conversely there are many studies demonstrating significant postoperative complications.

I just can’t help but think slicing off the clitoral hoods of newborn infant girls would obviously be horrific and met with uproar, so why are millions of infant boys subjected to this procedure without their consent? Why is one mutilation and the other is widely normalized?

Sorry if this seems like a rant I’m honestly just kind of shaken up after today. It was horrible and I hope I never have to see that again.

This doesn't seem as much, but to me is this everything.

I am the fun uncle. The uncle my nieces and nephews look forward to see. The fun uncle who plays with them. The silly uncle with who they can be rough with.

I was at a party and when I left and walked out the building my nephew ran after me, hugged me, said he love me, and don't want to see me leave. He even brought along his friends to prevent me from leaving. How cute is that?

And my niece. She doesn't ask for grandma or grandpa but she ask for me. Last weekend I visited my sis and there she was standing at the door opening waiting for me. I pretended I couldn't find her and she was smiling nonstop. My sis will even call me sometimes simply because my niece wants to see me and chat with me. How cute is that?

I will probably never have children. I know this. So I made a rule for myself to love and spoil my nephews and nieces. No cheap gifts from me.

I'm just so happy that they love me. It means the world to me.

I just wanted to share this.

When I was 16 I was really lonely. I had no idea why people kept leaving me. Every time I became friends with someone, we would talk for a week or two, and then they would just stop talking to me without saying anything. I was always wondering, “Why does everyone leave me?”

Then a new girl joined my school, and we became friends. One day, I told her that I had always struggled with making friends.

A couple of months later, we were walking together and it was pretty quiet. Then she suddenly said, “Can I tell you something without you getting upset?”
I said yes ofc

She basically told me, “You’re so weird. You don’t really do anything. You don’t focus on your studies, you don’t really care about your appearance, you don’t even listen to music, you don’t watch movies or even anime …., you don’t have any hobbies. Whenever I ask you what you did today, you say ‘nothing.’ And then you wonder why you don’t have friends.”

And honestly, the worst part was that she was right.
After that conversation, it was like something clicked in my head. I started paying more attention to myself and actually doing things. I started developing interests, focusing more on my life , my studies,and just becoming more involved in my own life instead of spending the whole day on my phone And I noticed a huge difference.

Now I’m 18 and sometimes when I think about myself at 16 I genuinely feel like I don’t even recognize that version of me.
What I still find weird is that I sometimes wonder why I couldn’t see it myself. Why did I need someone else to point it out before I realized what was going on?

I’m honestly still grateful to that girl. The way she said it was pretty harsh, but what she said made me wake up and look at my life differently.

I (28M) was recently contacted by Homeland Security Investigations about being a victim of some cyber crime. I thought it was a scam at the time and even made a post on [r/Scams](r/Scams) asking for help identifying the kind of scam going on. Long story short, it was real and it was worse than I had anticipated. I tried to make an update post there, but it was never approved so I just left it alone.

This is kind of hard to type, so I apologize in advance for any weirdness, but when I was 12 I was kind of a lonely hopeless romantic. I felt like I had a lot of love to give and wanted someone to give it to. I wanted nothing more in life than the “American Dream” of being a husband and father. That was really one of the only things I ever aspired to and as a delusional 12 year old I wanted to get there asap.

So I went online, there was a website I found that I recognized some of my classmates on. That was the only justification I needed to tell myself it was safe.

I was always a very shy person, so the actual talking part was hard for me. Luckily my best friend was a lot more open with people, so we devised a plan that we thought was genius. I would be the face, he would be the words. So we sent out a public message and someone replied wanting to talk on Skype.

We started talking there and then they wanted pictures. So we sent them a picture of me. She sent back some revealing pics and wanted more. So we sent back a picture of me in my underwear.

That picture is now burned into my mind. When the HSI agents showed it to me I felt like my soul left my body. I completely blocked out the memory until they show me.

I wish I could say it ended there, but she wanted even more. I wasn’t comfortable, so my friend took the phone and went into the bathroom and sent her an explicit picture, claiming it was me still.

Obviously, it wasn’t a girl. It was someone in an entirely different country. Those pictures have been passed around in different CP rings around the world. They have my face.

I had to explain to the agents the REALLY explicit picture wasn’t me. The ones with my face were. I left there and immediately had a panic attack in my car.

Then I was fine, then I had another panic attack at home, and then I was fine again.

I’ve lied to almost everyone about my meeting other than the friend involved, my gf, and my boss when I had a panic attack at work the next day (he was very supportive)

The friend seemingly doesn’t care other than he feels bad that my face is attached to everything despite the fact he is just as much of a victim (if not more). It makes me feel like I’m overreacting, and he feels like he is under-reacting.

I don’t know how to feel. I’m ok one moment then I think of that picture and I shaking. It’s getting better but I don’t like that I’ve lied to my family about it. Idk if what I’m feeling is valid, like maybe it’s not that bad and I’m just freaking out over nothing. Any thoughts would help.

Im 27m, hadent been to a club in years. But go to alot of bars/small concerts/cocktails louges, etc smaller chill places

Last week was hanging at with my neighbor and her friends all 23-26 ish so same age range

One of them suggested we go to a club nearby. After a couple of drinks and some persuasion I agree to check it out for a bit.

We get there and its just like 100 dudes waiting just to get in they all look the kind of guys you dont want to talk too

As its me and a group of women the bouncer let's us all skip the line and not pay cover (would have been $30) a person

We get some drinks ($15) and head to the dance floor, we're dancing for like 5 seconds before a mob of guys start danceing with us and basically groping the girls. They all look at me like HELP so I make a sort of barrier with my body and we dance a little longer.

This gets exhausting after a bit and i call it a night, having had a terrible night

I remember when I used to be 18-22 and went to clubs more often it would be more chatting dancing drinking (cheeper) and just having fun listening to cool dj

Am I just old now, or is the club scean really just hundreds of dudes trying to sneak a touch of girls while paying $15-20 a drink

It’s so difficult being the friend who’s always there whenever someone needs a person to rant to, when they need someone to vent all their feelings out, the person they get to whenever they’re in trouble and need someone to reassure them and give them solutions.

But when it’s my turn to be upset, to be mad and to need someone to listen to my rants, suddenly no one is replying to me. No one cares about my feelings and are instead dismissing my feelings just because I should learn to “accept” bad things happening.

It’s so tiring to be treated like this when I would never do this towards them, but it’s like they don’t care that I’m struggling or not feeling well just because THEYRE okay.

I assume the choice might be a no-brainer for most people but I had someone seriously unironically tell me that they won't because it will violate their autonomy and bodies and it's not up for them to decide for all people in the world what happens to them so they won't. And one of their examples was "what if a grandma didn't want a treatment cuz she believed it's god will".

And I still think about said person to this day. That can't be a normal opinion to have can it?

I’m the type of person who, when I’m upset, gets angry at the people around me. For me, being angry feels better than crying in front of people. The problem is, the people around me don’t know that I’m actually sad or hurt. All they see is me being angry, moody, and making mean comments, so they think I’m just being difficult or having an attitude.
What do you guys do in situations like this?
I’ve also started getting scared of seeing a therapist because I’m afraid they’ll tell me I have depression. I just have this feeling that something isn’t right with my mental health, but I’m scared to find out what it is.
The thing is, I already know that no one around me is going to help me. They’ll hurt me, then ignore me like nothing happened. And I end up doing the same thing — I get angry, shut down, and don’t vent because I hate feeling vulnerable around people.
We’re old enough to know what to say and what not to say to each other. I don’t like asking people for sympathy or trying to make them feel bad for me. I don’t want empathy; I just want peace.
I don’t want to spend my youth feeling angry, sad, and anxious all the time. I just want to feel okay and actually enjoy my life instead of constantly being stuck in these emotions.

I struggle with debilitating intrusive thoughts and an intense lack of motivation to complete anything including small everyday tasks and i feel like my brain is playing tug of war. This is lowkey the only place i feel like i can go because im too scared to share my feelings in real life but i need to vent so hard about this cause i have a pit in my chest everyday. My intrusive thoughts range from things like contamination to harm, attraction, perfectionism, basically anything it can latch onto at the moment and the compulsions that come along with those thoughts are just as tiring. So when that clashes with my feeling of inability to do anything i get stuck in like a paralysis feeling. My brain is telling me to do this and that and i’m frozen in place because i don’t have any mental energy to get up and do it. It takes me hours, sometimes i even fall asleep while waiting for myself to get up and do a simple task like turning off the lights. Everyday i just get crushing anxiety over what’s going to go wrong during my day because by the time i wake up my brains already feeding into whatever bullshit is stirring in it today. I feel like static, i want to accomplish so much more than i do but i can’t keep up with the polar opposite sides of myself. It wears me out. Does anyone feel the same? i feel very isolated.

I'm in law school and sometimes it's so hard to focus on readings because I can't help but think "what's the fucking point when no one fucking cares about?"

I have no REAL friends, no partner, rarely any plans on weekends ... nothing to look forward to in the near future except more work and readings.

Sometimes I can't sleep because I know I spent the whole day reading three fucking pages because I couldn't fucking concentrate on anything but the fact that no gives a shit about me.

I'm a man and my hips are easily the widest part of my body - I have a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.8. I've always been like this, I got it from my mom, but I haven't really seen or heard of anyone else with this experience. I don't hide it, in fact I'm proud of it and I wear women's pants unabashedly because they just fit better and either no one has noticed or they haven't said anything.

I haven't really had anyone to talk to this about either because it feels weird to bring up, so I feel like I'm bottling it up.

I've read multiple posts on roommate subreddits and I've noticed a huge division. The first group believes that because you pay rent, you have every right to be in the place for as long as you want. The second group wants everyone to have the place to themselves once in a while. The first group is more popular on the roommate subreddits, but I don't think there's a group that's right or wrong. I think we just need to screen better.

I'll never live with someone who works from home unless they have something that gets them out of the house once in a while. My preference doesn't mean that I don't enjoy having roommates.

Had a horrible last day at work. Dreading going back after 5 days off. I’ve been running scenarios in my head on if it’s all my fault, all my jobs fault or a combination. I’ve decided it doesn’t matter because I’m miserable. I stay up late making presentations and practicing only to be told I’m not good enough. Even got one taken away from me. This week and I’m sure the other one I have this week will too. Coworkers say one thing, boss says another: he just doesn’t like my style and that’s ok.

Anyway, I want to quit. My next day back. Do I email, tell them in person during a call? How much notice does a boss need that doesn’t think you contribute anyway?I already have a pee diem job lined up thankfully because I was sensing this happening.its my old job i was with for 10 years, but it wasn’t working for my family

Every soul deserves love, attention, care… well. It’s hard to give that to people that are cruel, but even then, there must be something in life that made them cruel? I think being kind to others is so important. No matter their size or appearance or anything like that. The heart speaks louder imo… you can tell when someone’s spirit is radiating kindness and those people especially deserve all the love and attention they can get. Makes me sad the society we live in is kinda superficial and focused on looks so much. Even me, I became obsessed with my looks at times and always checking if I was good enough or whatever. But finding a person that sees beyond that, is so special. As they say, good looks are a bonus. But some people get so swept up in the way they look they forget to be anything more than just their appearance sometimes… or think they’re too good for others… I’d love to love on the person that hasn’t been shown affection in their life, and love them endlessly. I’m a giver with my heart. Sometimes that can be seen as a weakness. Other times, people appreciate it. You can meet a lot of good souls on Reddit. It’s like we’re all gathered here in this place and just be kind to one another lol. Well sometimes it feels like that. You get your assholes, but like I said there’s probably something that made them that way. I’d like to love those people too.

I'm not a victim-mentality kind of person and what I'm talking about here is for most people irrelevant but this is how I feel rn
I'm 18 and am gonna turn 19 in a week and I feel like I'm a complete loser, i am a virgin; I've never had a proper gf. And most of my friends are either in a loving relationship or good-looking enough to get girls. I've felt this in my life but this is the first time I feel like I actually might just be ugly. I've always yearned for a loving relationship rather than just getting laid or being lusty. But every girl I talk to they don't ever flirt w me or if I flirt, I just get those weird looks, and after a handful of those looks, I am scared to initiate anything with anyone, im an international student in an English-speaking country. My english is good most of my friends are white and i talk to them in english everyday but when i talk to a girl i find attractive i stutter like crazy and they don’t understand what im saying and its obv a turnoff for everyone to ask “huh” every sentence its not the conversation you’d have with someone who you like and my birthday’s in a few days and im all alone, i sometimes feel like the universe is going against me cause ive never kissed anyone properly or cuddles someone and i feel like im nice enough to ask for that from the universe im not asking it to give me like 100 gf and yeah tbh i just feel ugly for the first time and its bottled up cause i went on a hinge date and the second she saw me i saw that disappointed look on her face as if she overestimated my looks and yeah we havent talked since she left mid date making up an “emergency” im not expecting comments to heal me instantly but i dont have anywhere i could share what i feel like cause i genuinely feel like a loser rn. I feel like I deserve love. I don't know what to do cause it actually seems hopeless rn and I'm a really optimistic person like really really optimistic trust me I don't feel sad often and when I do like rn, it's like super crushing. I wish I could use words to express how lonely I feel or maybe like a betrayal from the universe or god or whatever's out there I'm not very religious but I believe good things should happen to good people and Ik it's not something you say but I am a good person or at least I try my best to be one

I became very close friends with someone several years ago. We had a lot in common and for a long time I considered her one of my best friends. We shared a lot of memories and I genuinely thought we’d always be close.

Over the past couple of years, though, our friendship has gradually changed. There wasn’t one huge falling-out that ended everything. It’s more like I slowly started feeling less important to her and less connected to her.

At the same time, I’ve been going through a really difficult period in my own life. My husband and I have been living apart for a long time because of immigration circumstances, and I don’t know exactly when we’ll finally be able to live together or even where our life will ultimately be. It’s been incredibly lonely and emotionally exhausting.

During that time, I’ve really missed having this friend in my life. I wanted to feel like I could reach out to her and have her there for me, but instead I’ve increasingly felt like I don’t really have that friendship anymore. There have been little things that have hurt me. For example, I recently reached out to her about something that was meaningful to both of us, and she didn’t respond. I know objectively that one unanswered message isn’t a huge deal, but because of everything that’s happened between us, it really affected me. It made me feel like I was reaching toward someone who wasn’t reaching back.

I also feel very disconnected when we’re together with another mutual friend. The two of them have become extremely close, and when we’re all together I often feel like a third wheel. They aren’t necessarily doing anything intentionally mean, but I’ll sometimes leave feeling like I wasn’t really part of the friendship at all.

What hurts most is that I don’t necessarily want to lose either of them. I just don’t recognize the friendship anymore. Sometimes I’ll look at my friend and think, *I know this person, but I don’t feel like I know her anymore.* Recently, she reached out to me and said that she feels like there are things we need to talk about and that she’d like us to be on good terms, even if we can’t be as close as we used to be.
Part of me appreciates that she reached out. Another part of me is angry because I keep thinking, **where was this friendship when I was struggling and really needed my friends?**

I know I probably haven’t handled everything perfectly either, and I’m willing to acknowledge that. But I’m scared that if we talk, I’ll be made to feel like I’m the only reason the friendship changed.
I don’t necessarily need the friendship to go back to exactly how it was. I think what I’m struggling with is grieving what we used to have while also figuring out whether there’s anything worth rebuilding.
Would you try to have the conversation and see what happens, or would you accept that the friendship has run its course?

Its so sad. I'm in a band and all but just the band and whole practicing thing is getting heavy on me. Everyone has their dreams and goals but im just giving up on mine. The drum kit in my room is laying in two on my floor in the corner, and i have no reason to pick it back up. My parents keep saying they would love me to keep it up, and keep going with they band, they say seeing me play is when they are truly proud of me. but dammit im so sorry ma i cant. Life is getting hard and playing this stupid instrument is really not what i need right now.

I feel so guilty making excuses for why i cant attend band practices, i feel like im letting all of them down. They all have musical talent, and i never really got that same treatment from my genes. Its weird falling out with an instrument like this.

It's so hard, i dont want to quit this, but do songs even sound that bad without drums ?

As the title says, I was walking through my apartment like any other day, going at a slow pace from one room to the next, when I suddenly felt something pop inside my left foot. It was definitely strange, but it wasn't really painful, so I just guessed that it would fix itself on its own and kept on walking.

Cut to a week later, and the same mild pain from whatever it is that popped in my foot is still present every time I walk, only that now the spot felt hot and was getting red. So, I started walking like I need crutches in hopes that it would heal on its own if I didn't put as much pressure on it.

This did not work, and instead I'm starting to get the attention of everyone that I pass by. To reiterate, it doesn't even hurt that bad, but I think I forgot how to walk normal because of how many days this has been going on now.

All of this... from just walking. How.

Edited cause I'm bad at grammar.

Hi Im a 18 years old boy from Algeria who is having some struggles in his life

I really feel Im playing my life on the hardest difficulty, my brain is just too exhausted and overloaded, and my feelings are boiling deep inside me and I just need to put this somewhere people will actually hear me, and I just need to get this off my chest

I ve tried everything I could do to build myself up from scratch (atleast in the last few years tbh) but I feel that EVERYTHING is just against me and trying to destroy all of what I ve built I ll explain

Im born curious ambitious and hungry to build a real future for myself but no matter how hard I work I feel trapped by things totally out of my control

I was born in a family that believed that school was the only thing that mattered as my parents only cared about my studies and I was doing great in school but I had many other problems when I was young I used to be a naive child and fearful I was also bad at socializing and I felt behind in almost every domain of life even tho it wasnt really causing me big problems back then

at the same time curiosity drove me into coding and programming using my fathers pc since I was young I grew up as someone a tech-savvy and gamer, and It was a great period generally

and then there was an awful period (mentally) at age 13 I started to get addicted to "bad" content as curiousity made it worse I used to get ashamed hate myself also I started getting existential feelings of why Im here what if I suddenly die and those feelings I also started to get strange and annoying phobias I used to shiver and even scream when I look at something high in front me I used to feel like somethin like a black hole is going to somehow suck me in I also started fearing death and many other stuff (I dont fear any of those now btw) those prevented me from living my life normally and as I went to highschool I remember I lost my tech passion as I made some bad friends that I broke up with later and ended up better for me because later I met many new good friends in the recent 2 years they pulled me into real life and completely shifted my perspective. They talk about sports, religion, books, hobbies and just everything that made me love staying with them!

I just felt some bad feelings inside me I felt late I felt lost I felt its hard to fit in as I wasnt raised as well as them especially that most of them are from middle salary families not poor like me with irresponsible parents (my parents only cared about my school results and feeding me I didn't travel with them they didn't put me in a sport and much more that I feel bad for now)

and as they say "comparison (does really) kills happiness" but I didnt let that feeling stop me I used it as a reason and a movitator to learn since then, I’ve pushed myself hard:

In fitness Ive Built up a solid calisthenics base (front lever, 90-degree hold, street lifting with 20kg pull-ups at 60kg bodyweight).

Also started going into martial arts as I joined Judo this year to get into combat sports and MMA. (I started watching UFC as they told me and its damn great) and we even sometimes go to stadium early morning just to run and spar

Ive came back to coding, learned new skills from 0 like photography and video editing, and graphic design.

I fixed my bad habits, stopped scrolling, stopped fping for months ,memorized half the Quran, and started new hobbies like cubing (I got 42s record), chess (was 1000 elo on chess), reading and learning more! I felt great thats the life I was waiting for, tchats my dream life!

So how did I end up broken and burned out as I am now ? well it wasnt just one big thing it was a pile up of problems until the weight finally crushed me

First I’ve had untreated allergies since I was a kid because my family brushed it off. Now its turned into bronchitis and heavy lung and sinus infections. Every couple of months, I suffer for weeks straight with green mucus and fluid in my lungs. I cough, my nose is stuffed, I feel tired and it really sucks, I cant even go to Judo when it hits. I watch my friends sparring and training and improving while I just keep fighting my sickness thats not even improving!

I think its also heavily related to my environment too as my house (we have 2 houses one we go in summer cuz its closer to sea and one I live in all year) first one is full of dust (next to road where cars pass), pollen, cockroaches, and insects. In the summer house, it’s humid with dust and rats poop falling from roof , which is just the harsh reality of living in poverty!

Till now i went to doctor like 5 times and completely finished my treatment but still got sick again, this time I fed up and my parents told me "Weve spent too much on your health dont take meds just be patient"

Public clinics here just ask two basic questions, give generic common meds, and send you home. My family doesnt believe in real doctors they follow pseudo-science stuff like Nidam Tayibbat, blaming lung infections on eating chicken. and also saying that we already got sick when we were your young but all I see is a sick hopeless parents too (it does show off)

I felt angry cuz I was hungry to become better at the moment I am forced to sit weeks unable to workout or do anything

In my first sickness months I was hungry searching for any small reason to do a workout or do a hangout when I felt trapped I used to empty that energy on stuff well because of my mental situation I started getting mad crazy and now it got worse I empty my energy on fpping multiple times a day because there is no way to do now, I started to worry I live in fight or flight response while fighting my environment now I feel overwhelmed I just cant figure out how to fix my life

I am so fed up with poverty. It is the root cause of almost every single problem I have.

I tried to fix it multiple times in my life, I started doing heavy manual labor (carrying bricks and bags of cement on construction sites) but living in Algeria, salaries are completely broken. ur lucky to get 1000 DZD (less than $5) for 8 hours of backbreaking work. As my health condition got worse, I couldnt handle it anymore.

I tried pivoting to working online using my tech skills. This summer break, I leaned into video editing and was ready to do whatever it took to earn money online. I did setup a credit card and I started planning on how I earn. As everybody I had dreams, I crave the feeling of making my family happy, I want to travel around the world instead of my situation right now where I barely live my neighborhood, I want to try new hobbies without being limited by money, I wanted to buy stuff I dreamed all my life, I want to work with a better laptop filming with better material and having fun with friends in hangouts, and eating whatever I get curious to, I want to live this life I dont want to feel dead in an alive body!

But once again, everything went against me

My city started getting brutal electricity blackouts for hours a day completely randomly.

In that same week, my old laptops battery swelled up and almost exploded. I had to remove it out, so now it only works plugged into the wall like a desktop pc, adding up lose hours of work because of the random blackouts (u can look it up, Algeria was suffering massive power cuts due to heatwaves excessive usage and forest fires.)

Also in the exact same month, my mouse broke, and then my phone fell and I broke it (its fixable but Im currently broke unable to get the price) the same phone I needed to film videos and store all my essential files btw

With BAC exam pressure (next year I have baccalaureate exam and I ll join back school this late month), poverty, sickness, and zero support, I crashed hard recently. I slipped up on no addiction after a full year (fps multiple times in a sitting daily), started scrolling and gaming all day, and even smoking just to feel something different. That even writing this was hard because of the brain fog.

I feel under everyone. I watch people my age just enjoying their lives while Im fighting everything from poverty, sickness, to my familys mindset, and trying to escape this place, and I constantly feel like my efforts dont match my results.

I started envying people and my personality got way worse as my situation got and Im feeling my worst!

Im an overthinker I tried to plan how to fix my life alone but it never went like I wanted everything there is something to happen and ruin it all!

I felt my life is a mess I dont follow a plan, Im lost!

I feel I also overestimated what I can do, maybe Ill never travel, Ill never try what I love, Ill never make my life and other around me happy, Maybe? At the end not all endings have to be happy! Millions of people died without achieving what they wanted and maybe I am one of them...

I tried building my self confidence and character from scratch but now? All of it feels destroyed!

I still have little of hope, I still breath, I still have a future to live, but right now I’m carrying tiredness, envy, hopelessness, and anger all at the same time. I just want to enjoy life without worrying about the next sickness cycle or where money is coming from.

If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on surviving this, Im all ears. Thanks for reading.

Like we all like to pretend that we like niche mysterious stuff,

But I find myself repeatedly coming back to mainstream stuff

Like Guns and Roses, AC/DC…Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad

Masses do know what’s actually good

I spent the whole weekend doing this one homework and also another one, both days Saturday and Sunday, and now I have no clue how to plan and get myself to study for exams

I don't have motivation, and I just did those 2 homeworks because I knew I couldn't do them last minute

Not asking for advice because not the sub for that, I just felt like sharing

So I'm 18m and many people say that I'm crazy and need help and stuff

Now why do they say this? There's a lot of reasons, mostly that I always stay alone and isolate myself, even though many people approach me and compliment me and stuff and some girls flirt with me I always sit alone and refuse to socialise. I mostly talk to people for benefits, aka networking, when I need help with something or when they need help with something. Recently I started to talk to people and hang out with others again but it's mostly because I think it could help me develop my character and would greatly help me relax which I truly need. But anyways people say I'm crazy and weird because I always stay alone and depending on my situation I'm either smiling all the time or have the straightest face no matter what happens

Second reason is that all I care about is work. Even as a kid in primary school I would study during recess and I always do that type of stuff, optimizing every single aspect of my life to be as productive as possible. Like the whole class would be playing some game together and I'd just sit alone doing something else and then they keep telling me to come and I keep refusing. But thing is it's the only thing I do, I got an injury that holds me back now but back then I would do so many pull ups my hand would bleed and I would keep going anyways some days I would do 1000 of them. Same for MMA or construction I trained so hard my nails would fall off and my hands would bleed. I have a medical condition that makes my nose bleed over anything, I just get a treatment for it that lasts months but there is this period once a year where it's bleeding and I'm waiting for my hospital appointment. And during this period I go train mma anyways, and I swear when the coach found out I kept wanting to train after my nose bleed so much he looked at me like I was a psychopath and this dude is crazy about training too. But to make it short all I care about is work and I be overworking I got chronic stomach pain because of that, most of the time Im sick because of how stressed I am, I know how to heal it but it takes like 2 days and there's often something that brings me back to that state. I swear it messes up my performance in sports too

Now the reason that I asked myself this is that these past few days I for some reason been way more emotional than before, especially when my mom shouts at me. She always did it but it rarely affected me but this morning it was even worse than the past few days, it had me crying for 2 hours straight because she kept doing it and then she tried to "talk it out" and wouldn't let me go outside. Eventually she let me go outside and I was happy again and it got me thinking about my whole life. Now Im not sensitive one time I even saw a guy die right in front of me and it genuinely didn't affect me but somehow this affected me? Me failing something affects me more than this?

Something to not is that these past 2 years had also been the worst of my life because I lost everything I built and it's a long story maybe I could write another post about it

Thanks for reading if more context is needed lmk

I feel 😭

I feel sad today… maybe I’ve been sad these past few days.

Because we’re going back to school again. It’s not that I hate school, but I hate new beginnings. Honestly, I hate the start of everything, especially school.

I saw new people with new looks. Everyone is trying so hard to show their personality, and that makes me uncomfortable. I think I’ll need more time to adjust and feel like everything is okay.

But honestly… maybe it’s the same for them too.

I mean, I also look different now — and better, of course. But I’m sure no one there is truly comfortable with each other. They’re all just trying to hide it.

You know what? I don’t think everyone thinks like me. They seem so natural and spontaneous in everything… without me.

I don’t even know why I’m saying all this silly stuff.

But I’m sad, and being on my period is just making it worse.