Yeah so all my life i’ve always been extremely nice to people to the point of them walking all over me. I’ve been aware of this for about 7 years or so and it’s gotten a little better but i’m not there yet. I remember at one point i people pleased my way into accidentally getting into a relationship and i was so scared of breaking up with them because i felt like an asshole. It took me a whole year and when i did it i cried not because i was sad about the relationship ending but because i was sad that i was being “mean” to them (this was in 2022 though). I have been in other relationships where my boundaries were constantly being pushed, they probably knew i was like this from the start and used it to their advantage.

I also had a best friend at one point who at times were being very controlling and rude to me but i forgave her time and time again just because “her life was hard”. She also called me a doormat at some point.

I genuinely don’t think i’m worthy of self love, i see everyone as being above me. I have no talents, no hobbies, i’m not very fit or athletic, i’m average looking, never get compliments from strangers, haven’t really accomplished anything extraordinary, not super social or charismatic. I just want to be liked so i overcompensate by being “nice” but i noticed it’s just annoying to people.

Also my ex bf said that if a man hates women who are obsessed with themselves they’re “gay” and it really hurt because he knows i don’t like myself. He also said i “deserve to love myself” but i don’t know how because i have no amazing qualities like that. I’m not a genius, talented, socially competent, fit, extremely beautiful or skilled in the arts.

I feel confidence comes from success, it can not be faked after failure.

If you've done it before you can do it again, or if you've done well at something similar.

But if you repeatedly fail, and fail to improve over and over it becomes natural to lack confidence. Knowing the worst is likely to happen again.

On the other hand you can be oblivious. You're going to fail, get turned down, lose a game, make a fool of yourself in public and still believe your all that.

I let things so fast, not overthink and remind myself I will do everything that I want for the things I want until I want to do it, and whoever else says anything about it to me its not my business.

its not embarrassing if its intent was connection

im amazing I look great and I have a great personality

I approach people, have a little chitchat, even if I am not perfect at it yet, I attempt and I let my personality out because theres a place for me in the world.

I listen to people, ask questions and even follow up, I complement, and laugh and smile just as I enjoy company.

what else should I do to feel more confident and charismatic within myself and with my presence?

The phrase I got this speaks volumes. It says you have the confidence to do whatever it takes to do whatever it is that needed to be done. "I GOT THIS."

Before you had the confidence you have today, has anyone ever had to tell you, you got this before you believed that you had it?

Just Asking!

I can't avoid overthinking what other people think of me. Especially with my physical appearance (I'm just an average looking girl, not conventionally attractive). I actually had an acne breakout and whenever someone talk to me, I feel so conscious when they look at my acne🥲.

How to not care about other people's opinion of me?

All things considered, I don't think anybody would say I have anything less than a good life.

I'm doing well in school; I have a job; I have a relatively healthy social life.

That being said, I can't help but feel completely and utterly alone. I have 3 or 4 friends, but I don't talk to them about anything deep or meaningful. It's been years since I've talked to someone about feelings or mental health (longer than I've known these people). It's a weird feeling to explain but I feel like I'm not close enough to them to say anything about loneliness or mental health.

Maybe it's something about the way I was raised, but I also feel like an incredible burden whenever I reach out to my friends about something cool I saw or thought about. They respond over text like they don't care, and even though I know that's just how they text (they're 10x more interested if I were to tell them in person), it's caused me to stop reaching out. In turn, I don't receive any messages at all. It's so much effort and I'm fucking tired of it.

There's a girl I've been talking to and her friends say she really likes me but I'm not really getting that feeling. Last week I introduced a friend to this friend group (of the girl I'm talking to, another of my friends, & their friends I don't really know) and it feels like he's already closer to them.

I don't know if it's something wrong with me but it also feels like nobody even cares enough to make an effort to have me open up.

I'm sorry if this post doesn't make any sense I'm super emotional right now but I'll be happy to answer any more questions to clarify anything. :)

17M

Like I am not feelind sad or anything its just bugging me off, making me feel bad about myself, how to get over it?

I am someone who has been working on a few really hard to complete projects and goals which many people have said to me that I can't accomplish (simply put, I am way too ambitious).

However, the fear of failure doesn't even come up in my mind. It's like I have this unwavering trust in myself. Sometimes it makes me think I might be overconfident but I am also glad because I have failed countless times in my life but this confidence has always made me carry on. It's like I feel down for 3 days after failing at something big but then I bounce back no matter what.

What does this mean? Is it a bad thing? The way I look at it, it's good because it has prevented me from giving up but it's also bad because it also makes me stubbornly pursue something which has a high probability of leading to failure.

Sorry if I posted before. I can't remember if I did.

I'm a middle aged guy and still struggle with this. I hate upsetting people , especially my parents and co workers. Family members tease me for being fat and it bothers me. I have lost 60 pounds but still have a substantial gut (I'm 6'3 240 now). It's to the point that I don't like visiting my parents because of it. I told my dad about a year ago that I didn't like it but he still brings up my weight every time I see him. I dread visiting him but he is my only support system. Now when someone says something about my weight , I ignore it but tears me up inside and I'm embarrassed about it even tho I don't hate my body.

My co workers used to make jokes about it at my old job and only a few have mentioned it at this job. The other day an employee said I needed to stop eating because it looks like im gaining my weight back, which is odd because I have lost a few more pounds recently.

Co workers also sometimes try to boss me around and tell me how to do my job and a lot of times I listen even though I'm pretty decent at my job .

I don't really speak my mind in other situations too and worry too much what others think and people constantly ask me to do stuff I don't want to do because they know I won't say no, family and coworkers included

How did you overcome fear of rejection to start asking for what you want? In general, did you actually start receiving the things you wanted easier?

24M, short and ugly, but I’m not really that bothered about my looks anymore. I’m struggling badly with socializing and I don’t understand how other guys can do it so naturally.

I’m 24 and I’m a short guy who considers myself ugly. But honestly, I’m not that caring about being ugly anymore. My bigger problem is that I just cannot seem to socialize naturally with girls.

When I’m talking to a girl I like, my mind becomes extremely focused on what I should say next. I struggle to come up with opening lines, things to talk about, the right tone, jokes, or even how to sound happy and natural.

I’ve tried using mental affirmations/reminders to make myself more confident. For example, I used to repeat things like “be myself” or “Nothing Is Impossible” in my head. I feel like I need to repeat these things to give myself permission to talk and flirt.

But “Nothing Is Impossible” eventually started having the opposite effect. Instead of helping me, I became even more focused on it, and sometimes it actually makes me unable to think of anything to say.

I also get anxious before or during conversations. I know logically that I should just speak, but when the anxiety comes, I don't know how to find the courage to actually open my mouth.

Another thing making this much worse is jealousy.

There is a male colleague who seems to be able to make a girl laugh throughout the day, every day. He can casually talk to her, joke around, and get her laughing without seeming to think about it.

When I see this happening, I become increasingly jealous and start comparing myself to him. I start thinking things like:

“Why can he always make her laugh while I struggle to think of anything?”

Then I feel pressure that I also need to make her laugh. But the more I try to think of something funny or interesting to say, the more my mind goes blank.

I’ve wondered how socially skilled guys actually think. Do they constantly think about what to say, or are they just reacting to whatever is happening in the conversation? How do they come up with jokes, questions, playful comments, and different tones so quickly?

I don't necessarily want to become some super-confident “player.” I just want to be able to talk to girls normally, flirt a little, make jokes, and enjoy the interaction without having to constantly repeat some phrase in my head to make myself do it.

How do you actually develop this ability?

Especially:

\- How do you speak when you're anxious instead of freezing?

\- How do you stop overthinking what to say?

\- How do socially natural people come up with things to say on the spot?

\- How do you become playful/funny without forcing it?

\- How do you stop comparing yourself to another guy who seems much better socially?

\- And how do you stop needing mental affirmations before you can socialize?

I’m genuinely trying to understand what I’m missing.

I've always been a shy, timid kid since my childhood. This thing hampered my whole teenage and early adulthood.
Never took part in sports, cultural activities, nor cared to learn because I felt to judged even when alone. Now that I think and look back, I feel, why did I waste my life for nothing?

No one was ever seeing me, no one was so bothered and yet I always felt that I'm the only only getting judged, I wasted my life learning nothing good, nor am I academically bright. I was never involved hence never had friends. Never left my house, or explored in my peak years, and now the guilt and judgment have hampered my mind.

What do I do? I don't want to live like this. I feel embarrassed to realize that I've nothing in me. I don't want to be an average person.

There is this 30 year old dude who for some reason doesnt like me and tries at every opportunity to dig at me infront of his peer group which is like 10 years younger then him lol. There was even one incident where i came late for an exam a couple minutes prior and he screamed myname and laughed extremely loudly while a professor was present, i hate being put on the spot infront of others and people could see that it affected me. He got shamed by hisown friends afterward and reprimended by the prof and was so overwhelmed apparently that he cut off his waist long hair he had most of his life immediately after but still he tries to dig at me with subtle comments at every opportunity i usually just ignore him and try not to interact. His hatred from me probably came because i ignored him at first when he tried to befriend me and once corrected a mistake in his work loudly infront of his peers.

(I am 20 years old)

Lately I've been forcing myself to go out more, accepting my shadow more in that process, accepting more of my desires, For example, openly saying when I find a girl attractive or when I think a situation is stupid. If I had to describe how my life is, I would say that I am in the twilight of midday, given that the eternal night has already completed its first phase, but I cannot yet say that it is completely daytime. It's just past 4, as I walk down the street watching the first rays of the day, sighing in the cold air while many shadows walk around me.

However, in this process of breaking free from the confines of my own mental walls, I've discovered just how insecure I am, and on this journey, I fear I'll only create more masks.

I feel like I'm a boring or uninteresting person, with a dull life compared to colleagues who travel the world, win competitions, people from other countries, guys who have jobs Stable people, people who go on lots of dates, people with more talent, with more charm, with more charisma, with more maturity, who can smoke cigarettes while I can barely stand the smoke

I feel like someone who, despite seeing and thinking a lot about things, is unable to interact with them, and in that fear, I fear even more losing myself.

I don't want to do things I hate just to fit in, nor lie about my accomplishments, but still, I can't help feeling like I have to.

I always portray myself as a confident person, even though I'm just a guy with social anxiety, a sex addiction, and who loves art so much he'd die for it—a passion few understand. I don't love avant-garde performances or experimental cinema; I love the pursuit of improvement, I love technique and reflection. I don't want to talk about whether this author offered social commentary.I just want to talk about how beautiful I find this work.

With women it's worse, since I don't even have a facade with them. I've only had one virtual girlfriend for three years in my entire life. I've never kissed or held hands with anyone, much less had sex. It's a weight I carry, and I don't know what mask to wear: be myself, take on the role of a shameless person, speak my thoughts without shame, be chivalrous, hold back, and while my mind thinks, another Another guy, more confident, is already fucking her.

Although I have accepted my shadow, I still don't know how to integrate it into my social life, and I fear I will only create more and more masks to hide it.

Sometimes people tell me that life isn't so complicated, that I'm very complicated, and I usually curse my mind for that, as well as my ego; I long for my ego to disappear sometimes.

Hello, everyone! For the ladies, what do you think about confidence coaching? More specifically confidence coaching tailored to introverted women. Is that something that sounds like something valuable to you? Have you done it before? Would you seek it out?

I’m a 19 y/old who recently moved to the states 2 years ago. Don’t know anyone that well and I have social anxiety. I can speak okay but after starting college, I realized that my public speaking skills are way behind others. My classmates are able to articulate their thoughts so well and introduce themselves really professionally WHILST showing off their personality. I cannot do that. If I ever need to present or introduce myself to everyone, I end up being really monotonous. My eyes become hollow and my shoulders get tense. Voice also gets shaky and I feel less confident. Idk how to present in front of everyone with more life in my presentation? I would love some advice on how I could do better to seem more confident and be more myself during presentations!!

So basically I went to a wedding of this sort of close relative like we don't meet regularly hardly 1-2 times a year and that too I don't talk to them much or know much about them

The wedding was spanned across about 5 days it was full of fun and dancing and socializing, each day before I thought I should make my connections deeper with them by joining their group but the thing was I was too afraid to start a conversation or idk something like that Most of the time I'd just do a bit of eye contact and say hello.

For the dancing part I was too conscious like how I am dancing what should my next step be with very few expressions I felt like a robot basically not that I wanted to be or do like that but I was forcing myself to blend in but I was not able for some reason, each day I'd return home with disappointment

Now I want to fix this so that it never happens again not only there but in any situation. I noticed this one thing about myself I am pretty normal when I am surrounded by unknowns or people whom I know properly and have good connection with, but anything in between I just become an overthinking robot

I have this weird pattern and I want to know if anyone else deals with it. Whenever I try to put effort into how I look, it backfires on my confidence instead of helping it.

Like if I find a dress I like, that one small decision turns into a whole checklist. Suddenly I'm thinking about shaving my legs, whether my eyebrows are decent, doing makeup I don't normally wear so it feels foreign on my face, my hair needing a cut. One thing leads to five more things I "should" be doing, and by the end I feel worse than when I started.

If I just don't bother at all, I know I'm not looking my best, but somehow I feel more at ease in myself. It's like effort opens the door to self criticism instead of confidence.

Is this a common thing? Has anyone found a way to break the spiral, or a way to put in effort without it turning into a full inventory of everything you think is wrong with you?

I find myself in a really bad place at work. I was very close to someone many years ago and on eventually telling her I had feelings for her she rejected me really coldly. It really hurt and messed with my head for a long time. She recently got transferred into my team at work. We are close to 10 years later at this point, so the powerful emotions are gone, but still I'm finding it difficult.

I've noticed a knock on my self confidence. My brain seems to be looping back to the fact she's the one that "broke my heart", wasn't interested in me etc. and I'm for some reason taking that as a reflection of my worth and how attractive I am. She's happily married now and also with the other girls in the office talks a lot about guys she dated in the past, good looking guys that work at our place.

I would really appreciate some tips on how I can find my own confidence and self assurance in this environment.

I (23f) am a bit of a shy person. I used to have pretty bad social anxiety when I was younger and its still there to a degree, but it has gotten significantly better. I can be very friendly and gregarious but I struggle with confrontation and speaking up a lot of the time and even banter. Dont get me wrong, if I feel the need to speak up in a situation, a lot of the time I will just push myself to do it even if I am uncomfortable, but I get nervous and I feel like my voice gets shaky sometimes. I have always admired women with strong, sassy, and assertive personalities you are unapologetically themselves and arent afraid to say it how it is. I see people with this kind of personality and I envy it. I just want to break out of my shell completely. Any advice on the steps I can take to get that kind of personality? People who have gone from shy to confident, what did you do?? Thank you!

I was diagnosed with BDD (body dysmorphia) and ED (eating disorder). I have been dealing with it since I was around 13.

Anyway, I'm getting married, and I am a virgin. I'm excited for my honeymoon, but I'm also very scared. I'm afraid of what my fiancé might think of my body. I've already shared my concerns and vented, crying to him about my issues and negative thoughts about my body. He reassures me that nothing will change his feelings and that he loves me very much. Still, I'm very worried about how I look.

Recently, I bought some pajamas for the honeymoon, but not lingerie—my fiancé actually isn't into lingerie. They're just some somewhat sexy, sleazy pajamas. I tried them on tonight and immediately felt disappointed. I didn't like how I looked. I appeared bloated and too big—especially since I tried them on at the worst possible time, at the end of the day after eating a lot. Now I worry I might look bloated and big on my wedding night.

What can I do to feel more confident about how I look and what I wear?

I sometimes get afraid to talk about little things like what music i actually like, shows, etc because im afraid people will judge me or think it’s weird. I get scared people will perceive me different then not want to get to know me I guess? I’m afraid to not fit in. I want to present my authentic self and not care!! Any tips?

​

I really need some advice because I honestly don't feel like myself anymore.

I've been in high school for years, and I'm now in my final year. I'll be moving on to college soon, and that's actually making me realize how much I've changed. I used to be much more confident and comfortable being myself, but somewhere along the way, I became extremely self-conscious.

I barely post on Instagram anymore because I constantly worry about what people will think or how they'll judge me. Even around people I already know, I find myself overthinking everything. I look at other students and feel like everyone is so confident, social, and comfortable, while I've somehow lost that part of myself.

My speaking and communication skills have also gotten worse. I overthink what I'm going to say, sometimes struggle to express myself properly, and don't feel as naturally social as I used to.

The thing is, I don't want to carry this version of myself into college. I'm going to have a completely new environment and meet so many new people, and I really want to use this time to work on myself instead of repeating the same patterns.

So I'd love advice from people who've genuinely worked on their confidence and social skills:

How did you become more confident?

How did you improve your speaking/communication skills?

How did you stop caring so much about being judged?

How did you become more comfortable around new people?

What habits or activities actually helped you?

If you had a few months before starting college to work on yourself, what would you focus on?

I'm not trying to become a completely different person. I just want to feel like myself again — confident, comfortable, social, and able to express myself without constantly overthinking.

I really want to make the most of this last phase of high school and enter college feeling like a better, more confident version of myself.

If you've gone through something similar, please tell me what actually worked for you. ❤️

I feel totally lost about who I am anymore, I remember being around 19/20 and being the most confident in my self image and my personality that I’ve ever been, I knew what I liked and disliked I was able to talk to people about anything, if I wanted to improve something about my self I knew how, I am now 25 I feel like a fraud.

I don’t know how to style myself, I look to social media for how to improve makeup and clothing but feel I never pull it off. I avoid socialising with people I’m not super close with because the thought of finding conversation feels draining and the main thing is I get very easily upset and irritated at others which I believe is a sign I’m not happy In myself. If I was confident I would not feel threatened by other people and their opinions. I know I’m capable of feeling different because I can actually remember the time I did feel happy in myself, I just can’t work out how to get back there.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I also like feeling attractive to my partner, it must be draining for him being around someone so ready to cry and bite at any inconvenience, our sex life has suffered from it as I’m constantly having a mental battle about myself and no longer feel sexy like I used to. We also don’t really joke as I feel silly or never know what to talk about. I often wonder if it’s social media that has caused it as it was a lot less serious on there when I was younger but if anyone’s had similar experience and managed to come out of it please help!

Instead of thinking of things to implement that would show confidence, I think I need to work on stopping my "insecure" behaviors first. So I'm wondering what behaviors people see as insecure as I'm not the best at reading the room when it comes to that lol