r/confidence • u/myfullgovernmentname • 5d ago
What are things that people say/do that would make you think they're insecure?
Instead of thinking of things to implement that would show confidence, I think I need to work on stopping my "insecure" behaviors first. So I'm wondering what behaviors people see as insecure as I'm not the best at reading the room when it comes to that lol
•
u/hestia-listens AI Helper 5d ago
Two common ones are putting yourself down so others will reassure you, and agreeing with everyone even when you have a different view. Try noticing these without judging yourself. Confidence is not reading every room perfectly. It is being okay with yourself even when a moment feels awkward.
•
•
•
u/JupiterBrando 5d ago
Belittling other people's appearances, especially unprompted
•
u/24rawvibes 5d ago
Hey, wearing pajama pants in public IS trashy though
•
u/S3lad0n 4d ago
The pajama wearer may be depressed, or injured, or chronically ill, or had their water shut off, or ran out of laundry powder.
•
u/24rawvibes 4d ago
O no no. Those unfortunate circumstances stick out compared to the people that I’m talking about. You can easily differentiate if empathy is necessary. I call it out. It’s this one particular sect of white trash people. I for some reason have some big prejudice about them and I’ve wondered for some time where exactly the distain is coming from? I can’t think of a particular reason why I despise them as much as I do.
•
u/ThePaperCastle 5d ago edited 5d ago
IN PUBLIC is a stretch.
Maybe in a more professional setting, but I’m not judging someone just ‘cause they have PJ’s on outside their house..
I honestly couldn’t care less* 😭•
•
u/autodidacticasaurus 5d ago
Nah its hot but only for girls 😁 Also, not allowed over 30.
•
u/24rawvibes 5d ago
Have times changed? Are the girls who wear Cookie Monster pajama pants to school that sit in the corner of the lunch room with the other smelly pajama people not happening anymore?
•
•
•
•
u/Self-Sabotagest 5d ago
I don’t think one insecure moment makes someone an insecure person. But things like putting yourself down a lot gets old and takes its toll on you/ … needing constant reassurance, over apologizing, dismissing compliments, or getting defensive can come across that way. You don’t need to fix every little habit, though. Confidence is more about being okay with yourself even when you feel unsure…. confidence isn’t never feeling insecure. Be gentle with yourself..sometimes your little dark passenger tries to psych you out. He’s a d!ck.
•
u/Excellent-Pain-6564 5d ago
Constant selfies & sharing absolutely everything you do on social media comes across as desperate for validation & attention & insecure. (It’s different if you are getting paid for it but even then I think keep some things just for yourself)
•
u/TemporaryThink9300 5d ago
They must always have someone with them who gives them attention, it could be a partner, an acquaintance, in principle they would rather have their own "audience" all the time, whatever they do, then to feel alone.
If they have to do something alone for more then perhaps a few hours they feel abandoned, for they constantly need to have some kind of outside attention, they text, they call several people all the time..
•
u/Bassfacegoddess_25 5d ago
Not reaching for more in life when they constantly complain about where they are and not asking for more at work or shooting for a promotion ect
Be aware if you are beginning to do things for someone in hopes to receive their acceptance.
•
u/Aintnoway5280 5d ago
Putting others down or writing off their accomplishments. Nobody who’s doing better than you will ever bash your accomplishments.
I also find arrogance or belligerence to be a sign of insecurity… someone who feels less than in a situation but wants to feel or appear to be “superior” will start eye rolling, being dismissive and acting like they’re so far above those around them that anything they say is just silly or annoying. I’ve seen this a lot with men who are used to being seen as an expert on something when somebody else shows up with more experience and a differing opinion on things.
Another big one is being too confrontational. People who want respect at the threat of violence are super insecure. A strong person knows they can fight and chooses not to initiate, because they know they can earn respect, resolve disagreements, etc with much less energy. Don’t waste big energy on little things. Know your ability, accept your limits, and when someone has a different view point or opinion, be eager to listen and truly try to hear them out- not prepared to fight them just to defend your opinion.
•
u/Ulada_Cornflower 5d ago
Constant justifying of their disadvantages which are in fact not actual disadvantages but just normal human traits and habits
•
u/SnooApples673 5d ago
Not being able to take a compliment and always downplaying themselves when complimented. If they get angry when losing in a game, or list out achievements like they’re trying to prove themselves.
•
u/Ok_Pound_9816 5d ago
Avoiding eye contact is the biggest and most obvious to me. Insecurity gets expressed in such a rainbow of different ways; for women I’ve noticed wearing HEAVY make up, being catty or talking shit/expressing jealousy usually means there’s a layer of insecurity in there somewhere. For men I’ve typically noticed unwarranted anger or aggression, and or over compensation one direction in an attempt to negate whatever shortcomings they feel they have. Someone not wanting to be exposed or “uncovered” whether it’s not ever wearing a swim suit while swimming or only ever wearing pants even when it’s over 100 degrees outside lol. Things people do that can be confused with being insecure are : Slumping/shrinking shoulders or otherwise trying to make themselves smaller or trying to repeatedly cover up with an article of clothing that won’t stay where they want it lol. Someone who hangs their head down, scuffles of their feet, constant fidgeting.
I was insecure as hell growing up. I was taller than everyone else, lanky, had super bad vision so wore thick glasses, I stuttered and felt I had big teeth. As I matured - I grew into myself and learned that healthy confidence is contagious as hell. I took speech therapy in elementary & middle school. I started working out & gained muscle mass in all the right places. I finally got contact lenses and later vision correction surgery. I learned how to do my hair and make up lol and according to kids in high school who’d known me from elementary school, I “got hot.” I had always been very aware of myself but most of the time that awareness equated to anxiety and being very awkward and nervous. Once I experienced how much different people treated me when I pretended to be confident; when I walked tall with my shoulders back, chin up ( not high ) and made purposeful eye contact- life changed. Fake it till you make it baby! Lol no but really the psychology of it’s been studied- when you’re feeling down, try to smile more that day and eliminate the negative self talk. You’ll notice an improvement. Also, build others up! Giving random strangers sincere compliments manifests to more self confidence and just positivity all around you!
https://giphy.com/gifs/3HHEf9TyOV5OE54DvV
🩷⭐️
•
u/Inevitable_Ant2516 5d ago
Okay I have to defend eye contact. I'm autistic and being able to look away while speaking to someone helps me stay focused so I can be more present for the other person. Forcing eye contact is unnatural for me therefore distracting, making me less confident. That's like me saying I can tell someone isn't confident because they're not wiggling their arms in the air while we speak. Why should I expect that? It's not natural. Consider maybe your fellow human beings can express themselves in different ways while still being confident. I wonder how many confident autistic people you have wrongly judged because they weren't laser beaming into your fucking cornea
•
u/Ok_Pound_9816 4d ago
I totally hear you and can relate not even being autistic myself. I guess I meant more so to maintain “natural , comfortable” eye contact.
Which who the hell knows what that is?! I haven’t judged anyone per se nor held any negative opinions on anyone who doesn’t maintain eye contact haha I was speaking more so for myself. I try to express confidence with eye contact , yet sometimes it also feels super awkward and creepy. It’s very dependent on the situation. My instinct, when I notice someone seems to be either insecure or anxious/nervous in any given circumstance is to try to be as calm , kind & welcoming as possible without being a weirdo. Or on the flip side- being a weirdo to get someone to laugh a little usually helps break that ice a little. 🩷•
u/Ok_Pound_9816 4d ago
Also “laser beaming” into anyone’s cornea is hilarious and 100% way more eye contact than I would ever suggest or expect lmao.
My brain pictured a dark mash up of the movie The Incredibles combined with The Shinning haha.•
u/S3lad0n 4d ago
I mean....walking tall with chest out is all well and good, but when you have big and sagging boobs, it's not the ideal solution. And causes more issues than it solves.
•
u/Inevitable_Ant2516 4d ago
This too. We have to stop putting so much emphasis on body language or speech. Many people have physical or neurological conditions that affect posture, speech, eye contact, etc. We really gotta start listening to the actual words people are saying instead of assuming we know how someone is based on how they look or sound. Reminds of one of my favorite stand-up comedians who has cerebral palsy. You gotta be confident doing stand up, and with bad posture, shakiness, and difficulty speaking, he still kills it.
•
u/Training_Guitar_8881 5d ago
Staring at people you're jealous of in an effort to engage them and get there attention. Trying to get other people's attention. Being overly competitive with other people. I can spot an insecure phony a mile away. Everything about them screams "Notice me.....I'm soooo special." I avoid them like the plague. Also they deliberately insert themselves in scenarios in which it isn't necessary. Overestimate their importance all the way around. 67 yo woman here.
•
u/unrequited_pain 5d ago
bragging about anything excessively or as a way to “one up” someone. like the quote “wealth speaks for itself while riches are loud” or some shit lmfao
•
u/sherryryryry 4d ago
Not having their own opinions/agreeing with whatever people say and showing no personality!!
•
•
u/njcawfee 5d ago
Having an issue when something good happens to some else or judging someone by their appearance and labeling that person as a bitch because they perceive them to be more attractive than themselves. There is a plethora of ways that people show their insecurities
•
u/First_Sky3712 4d ago
Making jokes at other people’s expense.
If you need to bring other people down to boost your self up, that signals insecurity. Most people doing this don’t understand why they do. It’s such an unattractive thing to do.
•
u/AnxiousMarketer02 3d ago
Struggling to take feedback, no openness to constructive criticisms, not celebrating others wins like your own, being hideous talking about your journey and people who are loud and shallow with a fragile ego.
•
u/Specialist-Top-406 3d ago
There’s many versions of insecurity we all project. And no matter how secure some of us are, we all still have our moments. For me, I’d only really notice if someone is projecting insecurity on me in a way that is demanding me to see them as secure.
If someone is in need of validation, then I’ll happily support them. Because it’s hard to learn how to be yourself. And we only learn through feeling comfortable. So if someone needs me to say good job. I’ll say it.
•
•
u/Fabulous-Eyepod-1259 2d ago
My husband and I went to an engagement party for a younger friend of ours and ran into a former student of my husband. We’ve known this former student has engaged in odd, erratic behavior at times, but my husband has always been kind and friendly towards him. We haven’t seen him in about 5-6 years. When we saw him and came over to say, “Hello,” the first words out of his mouth were to tell my husband that he hadn’t returned a text some years ago. I spotted the insecurity immediately. You could tell he had been holding that grudge all that time. There was no “hello, how are you?” His comment just killed the conversation, and likely is a reason why others do not return his texts.
•
u/janeamadi11 1d ago
Putting yourself down. It’s such a turn off and it’s a major insecurity, it can be funny if made into a joke, but it’s just not a good look.
•
u/meowpandapuff 1d ago
Poor posture. Lack of eye contact. Over sharing. Fidgeting. Awkward body language (hands in pockets).
•
u/c0mputerRFD 5d ago
“I don’t like fights, drama, arguments and chaos. All i want is peace.”
Anyone who says this or in any version therin.. stay away.. as soon as a difficult emotion comes along, they will disassociate and disconnect, spilt or worst.. run from accountability, vulnerability and repair.. let alone participate in one to make you feel seen, heard or held.
•
u/Training_Guitar_8881 5d ago
I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. I don't care for conflict, high drama, chaos, but I am certainly not afraid to deal with difficult situations and emotions. I pick my battles carefully and don't get ensnared in pettiness. I don't sweat the small stuff.
•
•
u/ThePaperCastle 5d ago
I get what you’re saying, and sometimes this is true, but I kinda disagree.
More often when people say this, I find it means they’re not going to put up with bullshit.
They don’t want to be around the kind of people who’re always stirring the pot, causing trouble, and/or playing games; usually for no good reason.•
•
u/Diligent-Plane-7877 5d ago edited 5d ago
Keep this in mind. How people treat you is in direct correlation with how you treat yourself. If you treat yourself respectfully others will too. Just remember no matter how good or bad at something you are there's always someone better or worse than you. If you walk into a room thinking you're the smartest person there you're already wrong.
The way you speak has much to do with the way others view you. Example: rather than Sorry I'm late blah blah blah Instead say Thank you for waiting.
A diverse vocabulary using only words you are familiar with for instance Lackadaisical rather than lazy or lacking enthusiasm. Lugubrious rather than sad or melancholy. Words like this elevate you to another level. People will assume you're well educated and of a higher social status
•
u/Parking-Menu2654 5d ago
Not making eye contact when talking to someone. Especially if you’re attracted.
•
u/Ok_Anything_4955 5d ago
Talkiy loud. Interrupting. Fidgeting. Commenting on a topic you know noting about. Touching yourself too frequently - any repetitive movements. Moving in your seat too much.
•
•
u/ThePaperCastle 5d ago edited 5d ago
Difficulty accepting other people’s accomplishments.
Sometimes this will show up as downplaying the accomplishment, interrupting to assert your own, ignoring it all together, putting yourself down to prop the other person up, and/or becoming competitive.
I’ve noticed I struggle with this myself, and it’s something I’m working on.
I still feel discomfort hearing the incredible things others have done sometimes, but I swallow my pride and congratulate them, or express my happiness for them anyway (even if I don’t feel it). Then try to work out my actual issues separately.