I’m a programmer at a company where our only real goal is making money. We don’t provide a respectable product or service or anything, it’s just B2B and making as much money as possible. AI has given leadership the most obnoxious brainworms this year, it’s all they care about. But I really don’t want to make this another AI gripe thread since that’s not the point.

All that to say is that I just hate my job on a moral level. Even before the AI push. Most of my coworkers frustrate me regularly; I dunno what it is about IT but at non-tech companies we get the brunt of it all in my experience. But also everyone can be so phony or cares way too much or are cliche corporate types. Corporate culture just drives me nuts (but I know complaining about all that is a bit cringey and Holden Caulfield vibes). It’s been years at it and a decade at this career. I’m just tired of it.

Sitting at a desk 40 hours a week is starting to drive me insane. My life is a blur and it’s giving me so much existential dread. But obviously desk jobs are just the life of most careers these days. I’m not special in hating it.

I just don’t know what to do. My real passions are in art/music and I’ve had modest success online making like $2k this year, but it’d be nearly impossible for me to scale it enough to afford to live and save for retirement. And at least my career gives me some WFH freedom to work on art like this during slow times.

But this has basically been my life for so many years. Chipping away at my art with slow but respectable growth, unsuccessful at ever truly “making it”, while I work my boring yet also endlessly frustrating desk job.

Feels like quite the trope. Im sure many people are in this situation. I just dont know what to do or how to cope anymore. I dont know how to change careers, what to change to, and im so worried ill massively regret any job changes. I make good money, max out my retirement accounts, have health insurance, work from home, I got a great gig by a lot of metrics and am super lucky to be working it, yet I just feel like shit most of the time.

Of course I’ve talked to my wife about it and she supports me and wants me to be happy, but she also doesn’t know what to do or how to help. We can’t survive off her income nor do I want to ever not pay my fair share.

It’s 1am and I can’t sleep and I’m just dreading another work week. I feel stuck. Any advice?

for me

reading books too much

its still a good hobby but i should not be trying to finish each chapter and rushing through the story when i can slowly enjoy it by reading it few chapters a day

I turned 30 this year and just like every year I invited a fairly large group of friends to my birthday party. Most of which I met through school, university, some at work.

Through my 20s I was very keen on maintaining as many of these friendships as possible. I’d make plans with different people pretty much every day of the week, after work and especially on the weekends.

However, not long after I hit 30 it dawned upon me that I don’t necessarily enjoy being around some of these people. I’ve pretty much stopped engaging with them one after the other. Some because our morals don’t align, others because we simply don’t have that much in common.

There’s three guys that I consider my best pals. We play video games, listen to the same music and go to concerts, take trips abroad, get together for bbq and swimming in the summer, or just sit around and talk. I throughly enjoy spending time with them because we have things in common. And I don’t really need more than a handful.

I realize that I might have been lucky to consider so many people friends in the past, but with age I’ve gotten pickier about who I spend time with. One guy I had to cut off completely because he was too clingy, another group of girls because all they ever wanna do is go out to party.

Is this normal or am I going to regret cutting some of these people off later in life? I’ve thought about how I’ll get older and continue to lose more people one way or another. Eventually one might end up all alone and we know how making new friends becomes harder with age.

How do you guys go about friendships in your 30s?

When did you guys realize the importance of sunscreen? I just turned 33 and am seeing sun spots and bought a bunch of Korean Sunscreen.

I noticed there is a lot of internet flack for people that never left or didn't spend too long away from their hometown as they aged. I get what the cons of that can be, but in your experience, what have the pros been? What was your reason for staying?

I have recently had a health scare and need to make some changes in my lifestyle. I completely suck at respecting my own boundaries, particularly in terms of enforcing rest and down time.

I work very long hours in a stressful job and there is always one more thing that can be done.

Another example is I have a very sick family member so when I am not at work, I tend to prioritise their needs over mine.

Even when I am at home, I’m usually going from task to task - fixing this, sorting that. Rarely just sitting and taking downtime.

I find it hard to stick to self made boundaries such as time management things like leaving work at a reasonable hour instead of pushing through.

I would appreciate any tips or tools that work for you.

I need to make some changes because right now, I feel like I go from one treadmill to another, never stopping.

I left my job to build my own finance community after years of trading and working hard to build an audience.

Last month, Instagram disabled my account, and it hit me much harder than I expected. I feel demotivated, mentally exhausted, and I’m struggling to focus and concentrate on my work.

I put so much time and effort into building everything from scratch, and suddenly losing a major part of my audience has made me question what I’m doing.

How do I get myself out of this phase, regain my focus, and start rebuilding without feeling overwhelmed?

Seems impossible now to just decide to delete your Instagram or tiktok, because how dependent we became on it. I keep scrolling saying the next one is going to be more beneficial, more funny, more beautiful nature, more about food, more about football, hunting, money, THIS IS INSANE. Same with YouTube I keep scrolling through videos without watching anything because I keep thinking the next one that will pop up is going to be better.

We go out, and eveyone in line in the coffee shop is face down on their phone, no one interacts anymore with one another, no small talks anymore, this is sad.

I really want to delete Instagram but I dont want to lose my friends connections after going our seperate ways in life after school and university.

Any tips from people here that have not been infected by this or were able to escape this sickness?

How to deal with that situation, where someone is held you accountable on things you haven't done? I haven't done anything wrong why you're yelling at me? Why are you trying to feel me guilty? After that I feel awful and I can't say anything to him because he's my father.

Fair to say that I (36m) find myself in a negative loop unlike ever before:

• I am in massive debt
• My business has failed (I cannot see any reason beyond myself for it)
• There is ZERO income (I have a wife and a kid)

• I COULD be in trouble with the law for tax related matters

• I have borrowed money from a few extended family members and I am unable to live up to the repayments, they have been very accommodating but the shame of facing them before I am able to repay them is killing me

• My confidence is so low that I am having difficulty believing I was ever capable of anything

• I have never compared myself to others as our situations/surroundings/upbringings are all different but that's all I find myself doing nowadays whenever I meet even the closest of friends!

• I have been out of the employment scene for so long that I don't even know where and what to apply for.

I am not seeking sympathy, just genuinely curious as to how have people rebuilt themselves when all seemed lost.

There have been a few positives this year such as getting a bit back in shape and continuing to learn about newer industries. And my kid ofc.

Sorry for the rant.

I work in a very niche field. Like super special and small. My job isn't transferable to anything at all. I make about 300k and have a great life. The problem is if anything happens like I get let go or layed off it's all over. My skills realistically translate to a 50-70k a year job in this market if I could even find something.

I have 4 kids a decent house but a lot of debt. 700k total with cars, house. Wife is stay at home. Homeschooling the kids.

We have about 60k cash and 550k retirement. Probably 200k equity in the house.

Right now we are month to month with healthcare and debt payments. Definitely overextended but doable. We put about 3k a month away.

I feel like we are doing great but one small misstep it's all gone

I'm 32. Bare in mind I've been like this for yearrrrrssss.

I can tend to wake up in the 5-6AM zone so there's that. I get up get some excercise in outside. Work from home. Can do stuff in the afternoon if I want.

By the time it's like 6PM I don't feel like going back out at all but maybe cause it's so habitual now. Just curious how others are?

Cause my neighbours asked if I want to go to some things before that start at like 8PM but here I a thinking I could be in bed an hour after that lol.

There are some things I'm interested in so maybe I'll switch it up but a great sleeping pattern for me is like the limitless pill. I feel great in the mornings. When I stay up late I still wake up early and feel rough can't get back to bed.

I’m 25yo, and I’ve been working since i was 21 after doing my bachelors degree.

I’ve always had a goal of having an international career and earlier this year I received an offer to join a company in Luxembourg. I declined.

However recently they called me saying there’s a new opportunity and that they really liked me and would love to have me there.

The thing is, I’m really afraid to go. I’ve been the last 4 years in the same company where I’ve grown a lot and where the partners really like me. I know i can grow there. However i still live in my parents house.

Accepting the offer would allow me to have the international career, have my own independence, and I would earn more.

But this is really scary, and the fact that’s scary is why I think should do it.

This is a big decision in my life. This is the first time i feel like my life is in my control and that will impact my future.

Everyone says that i should but it’s so scary to leave everything and go while i have a good job

Hi everyone, I’m starting a new job next Monday. It is my first full overnight job I’ve ever had. I’m very excited as it is in the area of food service I really enjoy. Does anyone have any advice on the easiest way to switch a sleep schedule or to stay fully awake during the shift without caffeine? Thank you in advance to anyone that responds.

I go to a bar down the street from my house 2-3 times a week after the kids are put to sleep. I always bring my headphones and a book with me but I do have some friends I’ve met there.

However, I keep getting asked by mainly men why I’m at the bar without my husband. But when my husband comes here (same bar) by himself after work to get a beer, no one asks why he’s not there with his wife. But I go either after I fill out job applications or after I get the kids to sleep to have time to myself to have a drink, read my book, and listen to music without kids or a dog in the background. At least once a week, I’m asked where my husband is and if he knows I’m there. My husband is well aware that I’m there, so it’s not a secret.

And the house isn’t in chaos. I have a full time career. I help pay the bills. I take care of most of the childcare things (preschool, doctor appointments, etc), cook, and make sure the house is clean and everything is prepped for tomorrow, so I’m not slacking at home, either.

Did you ever kicked out of your parents house how did you manage?

This subreddit is a bunch of sad sacks. People age. People grow apart. It’s normal. Maintaining friendships takes work, and it doesn’t always pay out. We all struggle in some way, but you will lose some of the friends you had in your 20s. It’s ok. In your 30s and 40s you will have fewer friends - if you have kids you’ll probably be “friends” with other parents. That’s cool. If you don’t have kids you’ll lose friends because they have a lot else going on. That’s cool too. So many people on this subreddit seem so depressed.

Embrace yourself and who you are. It’s fine. Don’t try to actively make friends - do stuff you like and they’ll appear.

So I am in my 20s, and I am in a bit of situation where whenever I got into in any argument w my father he'll say bad past to hurt me.

He doesn't care if someone stranger in sight and people look and look

And I feel like dying inside

I’m 36M. Due to circumstances out of my control, including a serious health issue (cancer) for my fiance/to be wife and the necessity of a surrogate, I will likely not be a father until 39 or 40, if at all. This is something hard to deal with at times but I am just grateful it is still possible. I hope to have more than one kid. I am in a fortunate financial situation.

What was late fatherhood for you like, and why did you have kids so late? What is your story and advice?

Did an inventory of the gift shelf this year and it's genuinely funny how narrow the range is.

Four wallets, three of which are unopened because the first one still works fine. Two travel mugs. A whiskey stone set.

A tie I have worn once, to the wedding of the person who gave it to me. Some very nice cufflinks for shirts I do not own.

None of it is bad. It's all just aimed at a version of me that goes to an office and drinks whiskey neat and apparently loses wallets constantly.

The stuff that actually stayed in use has been much dumber. A good pair of work gloves. A headlamp my brother gave me as a joke that I've now used probably fifty times. And last Christmas my wife got me an SKG lower back one, which I assumed I'd try twice, and I use it most evenings after sitting all day.

Common thread as far as I can tell is that all three attached to something I was already doing badly or uncomfortably. Nobody had to teach me a new habit for any of them.

The wallets assumed I had a life I don't have. The headlamp assumed I'd be in the crawlspace again, which, yes.

So what's the one that survived for you? Curious whether this is a pattern or just my particular family being bad at shopping.

I’m looking for some perspective on a friendship situation that has been bothering me more than I thought it would. I feel like a pussy for even writing this. 

A few years ago, I had a group of people I considered good friends. We eventually all moved to different areas, so naturally, our friendships became less active. We still occasionally communicate, mostly because we work in closely related fields, but we’re not in regular contact anymore.

The part I’m struggling with is that I keep finding out that they’re still making an effort to see each other. They visit one another, spend long weekends together, help each other move, make plans and generally seem to maintain those friendships despite the distance. I’m rarely, if ever, included.

I understand that people naturally become closer to some friends than others, and I don’t necessarily think anyone is intentionally trying to exclude me. When I run into these people, everything is perfectly friendly. I’ve also tried reaching out and making plans myself, but it hasn’t really gone anywhere.

Still, seeing pictures or hearing about everyone getting together without me genuinely hurts. I think part of it is realizing that I may have viewed these friendships as being closer or more mutual than they actually were.

I’m trying not to take it personally or turn it into “why don’t they like me?” because I know friendships change and people have different priorities. But it’s difficult not to feel rejected when the pattern keeps happening.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you make peace with realizing that a friendship wasn’t as close as you thought it was? And is there a healthy way to think about this without becoming resentful or feeling sorry for myself? 

EDIT: For many, I was reaching out a lot over time to do stuff or make plans. Many of them never reciprocated or reached out to me but kept reaching out to each other.

Im curious if anyone stayed unhappily married because of the kids....i cant stand her 😭

Does anyone else put a ton of effort into feeling their best, only to realize they still rarely feel genuinely GOOD?

I had a surprisingly good day today, and it made me realize something kind of sad: feeling genuinely good and content is unusual enough for me that I really notice when it happens.

And the frustrating part is that I put a LOT of effort into taking care of myself.

I use my CPAP every night. I exercise and strength train. I try to get outside and move my body. I take my prescribed medications consistently. I’ve done some therapy, including IFS. I pay attention to my energy and try to rest when I need it instead of constantly pushing through exhaustion. I’ve been actively restructuring my work and life around what actually works for me rather than forcing myself into a conventional 9–5. I make time for creative work that feels meaningful to me. I’m trying to unlearn the guilt I have around rest and productivity. I’m working on being present instead of constantly chasing the next achievement.

Basically, I feel like I’m doing a lot of the things we’re told will help us feel better.

And they do help. I’m certainly not saying none of it works.
But despite all of that, it’s still pretty rare that I wake up and move through a day feeling genuinely good, energetic, comfortable in my body, interested in things, relatively peaceful, and content with my life.

Today I did. And I realized how surprising that feeling was.
It made me wonder: How often do other people actually feel “good”? Not euphoric or excited or having the best day ever. Just…good. Content. Comfortable being alive and going about your day.

If you’ve put a lot of effort into improving your physical and mental wellbeing, did feeling good eventually become more of your baseline? Or have you also found that you can seemingly do everything “right” and still only occasionally get those days where your mind and body seem to go, Oh. This is nice. I feel okay here.

EDIT / P.S.: Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to leave such thoughtful replies. I’ve genuinely appreciated reading through them.

I’m also painfully self-aware and tend to hold myself to pretty high standards. I think I’ve internalized a lot of the pressure to constantly optimize my health, productivity, career, finances, time, everything, and I have a hard time simply existing without feeling like I should be doing something better.

And I don’t think the broader context can be ignored. It’s become increasingly difficult to feel good most of the time as the economy continues on its current trajectory. Work and financial stress have been a significant part of my life lately, and I’m sure that colors how I experience everything else.

I’m realizing there probably isn’t one neat explanation. I think I’m just trying to figure out how to feel more present in my own life instead of constantly trying to improve it.