past relationships and regret

[u/babybratzdolI]

am i the only one who is always beating myself up over past choices i made cause i entered 3 relationships and i didn’t love any of these guys i dated i just wanted to feel loved and less alone, i wanted to be like other ppl and having a partner without knowing things doesn’t work that way, i didn’t have any experience or knowledge over how i should make sure if someone is a good match or how to identify red flags.. also i didn’t love myself and i was a ppl pleaser i would do anything for these mf to love me especially the last loser i dated.. and these 3 relationships happened over few years and till this day i regret everything i did, i wish i didn’t put myself through so much abuse and didn’t lower my standards.. but i didn’t even have any standards you know.. i feel bad for the little girl inside me that went through all this, but i can’t blame myself, i can only learn and move on but sometimes i have flashbacks of those times and it kinda saddens me.
i guess it’s the price you pay for not loving yourself:)
cuz i was traumatized and abused when i left the last loser… and i still suffer from it sometimes…