Just made a fool of myself chasing and begging a man who literally says he loves me but continuously lies and just gaslight me constantly about almost everything. I paid a hotel just so he could go and be in a quiet space so we could talk away from his friends and leave the club. I was so desperate and I feel so sick about it. He told me he was going to the hotel as I am clearly watching him just stroll with his friends. He then told me I was acting crazy for literally watching him lie to my face.

He literally sat there and watched his brother's laugh at me and said nothing. He made faces and claimed thats what they were laughing at

Im so ashamed. I dont even know what to do. I was no contact and thriving and idk how I got caught up so bad in one phone call. My screaming was so bad my stomach hurts. Im so embarrassed. Its like who is this person?

Maybe seeing him move on made me triggered but on the FaceTime he kept trying to keep me on the phone while he was out with them. I looked like a lunatic on FaceTime with someone while they were out. He kept talking to me and everyone just hearing our business.

It was my decision to break up so he could focus on himself. Within a week I found out he had been lying basically throughout our entire relationship

He had a hidden snapchat. He liked girls photos and followed them while we were discussing what we were gonna do . This whole time i thought we were working it out. and now hes just so blantly disrespecting me. Its like he always hated me. I cant understand why he treated me this way in the end when im the one that just found out our whole life was a lie. He was never this mean to me. Ever

I need advice to overcome this. I am going through a situationship breakup now, i don't know how to handle this. Am feeling severe pain on my chest. Please tell me how to overcome . Please please 🥺

He brokeup with me almost 2 moths ago. I still feel pretty shitty. It wasn’t a messy brokeup. He said that he loved me but he wanted to explore his life and career (shitty reasons I know..) We follow eachother on everything and I keep seeing his stories and how he enjoys his life. It hurts but I just can’t bring myself to unfollow him. How can I make this pain go away? He is my first love, first boyfriend and basically first everything. We were together for 3 years and we have a similar friendship circle. I can’t keep my eyes off of him. How can I care less? Please tell me If you know anything about this.

I know it’s a long post.. but I’m heart broken and devastated.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (26F) were in a serious relationship and living together. We talked about marriage, having children, starting a business together, and genuinely building a life together.
Yesterday his car broke down while he was at work. He was depending on me to pick him up after I got off work. I was angry with him over something unrelated that I had seen on social media, and instead of communicating how hurt I was, I intentionally drove home without picking him up.
I want to be completely transparent: \*\*I knew he was waiting for me.\*\* I was hurt, angry, and wanted him to feel hurt too. It was retaliatory, immature and wrong. I’m deeply ashamed of how I handled it, and I’m not posting this hoping people will justify what I did.
When he eventually got home, he was understandably furious. He told me that someone who loved him wouldn’t intentionally hurt him like that and that what I did completely changed how he sees me. He told me he doesn’t love me anymore, I’m not his girlfriend, he doesn’t want to coexist with me, and he wants me to get out.
I apologized and took responsibility. I told him I loved him, that I understood why he was hurt, and that I wanted to repair our relationship. I told him I’d give him whatever space he needed and that whenever he was ready to have a calm conversation, I was here.
When we eventually spoke again, his answer hadn’t changed. He told me that nothing I said and none of the “tactics” I tried would change his decision or how he felt.
That’s when I stopped trying.
I told him I would start figuring out my living situation and would need to come back and forth to move my belongings. I asked if I could stay another couple of nights if I couldn’t immediately find somewhere to go, and he basically said “whatever.” I apologized one final time, told him what’s done is done, and said I hoped someday he could forgive me.
\*\*The reason I’m struggling so much isn’t simply because he broke up with me. It’s because of everything we’ve already been through together.\*\*
During our relationship, I became pregnant. It was an incredibly difficult experience physically and emotionally, and I ultimately had an abortion. Going through something that significant together made the future I imagined with him feel even more real to me.
There were also serious things he did that damaged my trust. One of the biggest was lying to me about his son. There were other issues with dishonesty and recurring things involving social media that I had told him made me uncomfortable.
Those things hurt me deeply. But I stayed.
I chose to forgive him because I loved him. I believed that someone could seriously hurt me, take accountability, and still not have their worst decision define everything they were to me. I believed that love sometimes meant working through really difficult things rather than immediately walking away.
\*\*I know that my forgiving him does not mean he owes me forgiveness.\*\* Relationships aren’t a credit system. If what I did crossed a boundary he cannot come back from, he has every right to decide that.
But I also can’t ignore how incredibly cold and cruel the ending felt to me.
This was someone I slept next to every night, someone I thought I would marry and have a family with, someone I had already gone through a pregnancy and abortion with. Within essentially a day, I went from being his partner to being told he didn’t love me, didn’t consider me his girlfriend anymore, didn’t want to coexist with me and wanted me out.
I understand that \*\*I hurt him first.\*\* I understand that my actions caused this situation. But I don’t think doing something wrong means I’m no longer allowed to have feelings about how someone treats me afterward.
And something has changed for me too.
I realized that I want a partner whose approach to conflict includes grace, compassion and some willingness to repair—even when they’re incredibly angry with me. That doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment or forgiving absolutely everything. Someone can hold me accountable, take space, be furious with me and ultimately even decide to leave.
But I don’t want to feel like one serious mistake means I become completely disposable to someone I was building a life with.
Maybe he simply isn’t capable of giving me the kind of forgiveness I was capable of giving him. Maybe that’s not wrong. Maybe it just means we’re fundamentally incompatible in what we believe love looks like when someone screws up.
I’ve also had to confront something uncomfortable about myself through all of this. When I feel rejected, jealous or insecure, I sometimes become passive-aggressive or retaliatory instead of communicating directly. Something in me goes, \*“You hurt me, so I want you to feel what I’m feeling.”\*
That’s exactly what happened here, and \*\*I don’t want to be that person anymore.\*\* Regardless of whether this relationship could ever have been repaired, I need to change that pattern before I ever bring it into another relationship.
At this point, I’m done trying to change his mind. He has made his decision clear, and I’m going to respect it. I’m going to figure out somewhere else to live, move my things out and try to rebuild my life.
I’m just genuinely heartbroken. Part of me is grieving the relationship, and another part of me is grieving the person I thought he was and the future I thought we were building.
I’m looking for outside perspectives, including people who are willing to criticize me:
Would what I did have immediately ended the relationship for you? Does the history of serious hurt and forgiveness on both sides change how you view his response? And how do you process suddenly losing someone you genuinely believed you were going to build your life with?

before everyone says the same fucking advice of stop comparing yourself. it just adds this new layer. like, even if he is sad or misses me, it’s in between having a life that’s so much better than mine. my life is so utterly insignificant. i’m not even just saying that.

it’s like for the sake of the argument just imagine, winning the lottery for 100 million dollars after a breakup. sure you think of your ex still, in between fucking winning 100 million dollars and everything that comes with it. everyone’s advice falls flat.

and i don’t need him to be sad or devastated or anything that’s not what i’m saying, it just makes me feel so much worse when i realize not only does my life fucking suck in a billion ways but i got broken up with by someone i loved so fucking much. at least even if he WAS sad he has everything in his life to point to.

because it’s like yeah, i can work on myself, everyone says that, and it’s like that is literally the fucking default do life, was i supposed to just go die in a hole? no matter what i do i sit with the knowledge that i am in a worse room eating worse food.

i don’t even really want him to come back because i don’t believe someone with a life like his could even want to come back to me, like yeah bro we’re gonna leave our amazing ass fortune 500 jolly ass life to be with someone who is literally schizo and probably has some kind of low iq issue. nice bro that makes sense

it hurts more because he feels so far away, like not even the same person anymore, because i just think of the times when he was the broke ass eccentric uni guy i loved, when he was a train ride away, not in a whole different city, and i remember one time on a walk i asked if he thought i was weird, and he said “yes for sure” and i got a bit sad, but he said he knew he was weird too but felt pressure to hide it so succeed, like he was himself with me. and now he has succeeded bro so i have all these memories of our past, fucking all the time spent together, the trip to the mountains we hated, we slept on a shitty ass couch, but i was happy because i was with him even if it sucked. it literally pains my heart. my heart physically hurts. it literally feels all fake now. and i’m still in university for 2 more years getting my bum ass degree for my bum ass life. so there is literally nothing good to look forward to. i don’t even want the degree or my future career. he wanted to stay friends but like it was literally too painful for me. he said i was still his favourite person in the whole world and that’ll never change which hurts so fucking bad because the reason he left me was basically because of my disorder which i can’t always help. i can’t feel like i’m worthy of anything.

he left me because he moved for his job, he was going to pay for me to go see him every month, but we started arguing more and more since my episodes and paranoia got worse without him, he used to come over and help me and i remember one time a long time ago, i cold turkeyed off my meds bc i literally couldn’t afford them, he stayed with me even though he had class, and i was always extremely grateful, i would cry telling him how grateful i was, i would cry telling him, i loved him so fucking much man, i understand why nobody could want to be with me especially someone successful and actually worth something to the world

so its just like now i just sit here and think like tbh i get it i’m not mad i understand i just feel like shit every day and have for so long and i can’t move on, like legit i can’t, i don’t even want to date again anymore because i feel like i’m just not ever gonna be good enough when mentally i’m a subhuman being and it’s like i feel it’s better for society if i take myself out of the dating pool

and while i’m sitting here feeling all this again i am with the knowledge my life also sucks. the fuck can i even do when i have this low self esteem and a severe mental health issue, legit i’ve been to 11 different therapists bro, it does nothing, i don’t even have the time for therapy bc of my classes either, like actually i don’t.

i hate the train because i think of him and how he’ll never pick me up from the station again. i don’t try to wonder what he thinks of me because i know to his life now thinking of when you were poor dating a schizo probably likely suffering from below average iq not even good at anything below average woman probably isn’t a fucking happy memory. like memories of us from his perspective are summarized by “when i was poor dating a subhuman being” so why the fuck should i torture myself acting like maybe he does think of me too. i can’t blame him for having good taste and realizing maybe dating someone like me is stupid as fuck.

i will never reach out , of pure embarrassment like imagine that, imagine having an amazing life then ur bum ass chopped ass schizo ex hits u up, like jesus christ, it disgusts me thinking of myself, this is just hell.

Cheating is a result of someone failing to protect & respect their relationship. A cheater invariably puts himself/herself in situations that could compromise the integrity of their relationships. “Oh he’s/she’s just a friend.” - “Oh it’s just girls/guys night at the club/bar, I don’t even plan on drinking that much.” - “Oh he’s/she’s just a coworker.” - “I don’t want to be rude not responding to their text/DMs.” - “He’s/she’s like a brother/sister to me, you don’t have to worry about him/her.”

Next thing you know, emotional bonds inevitably form. One thing leads to another over time, with each poor decision after poor decision. Add in the regular ups and downs of any normal relationship, and when you and your spouse are going through a rough patch, this other person you only receive positive energy from keeps seeming more and more appealing. That’s why men & women can almost never be strictly platonic friends without the likelihood of feelings/attraction growing, which leads to infidelity. We are denying biology and innate human nature if we are so delusional to argue otherwise. (This obviously doesn’t apply to family members of the opposite sex.)

I don’t trust the person who says, “I would never cheat no matter what. You can trust me.”

I trust the person who says, “Anyone is capable of cheating, but I will never cheat because I refuse to engage in behaviors that could lead to cheating. I will never deliberately put myself in situations that could compromise the integrity of our relationship. I wont entertain or subject myself to any person, place, or thing that creates discomfort or causes you to question my loyalty. I don’t expect you to trust me blindly. My trustworthiness will be demonstrable and apparent due to my practice of full transparency and good judgement.”

We can’t control feelings. Feelings are spontaneous and arise involuntarily from what we consume and expose ourselves to. But we can control what we dwell on, what we consume, and what/who we consciously choose to expose ourselves to. So if I’m in a committed relationship, I value and respect it enough to ensure I don’t deliberately entertain anyone or anything that could compromise my relationship.

If you are in a committed relationship, you can’t expect to live independently. You shouldn’t be codependent though either. A real and healthy relationship is two people committed and interdependent to one another. This brings up the important topic of Privacy Vs Secrecy.

Privacy means protecting personal space, thoughts, and individual identity without any intent to deceive. The intent of privacy is motivated by mutual respect. Examples of privacy are closing the bathroom door, keeping a personal journal, or having personal hobbies. Privacy in this sense builds trust because it honors each person as separate individuals.

Secrecy means deliberately concealing information that your partner has a right to know with the intent to avoid negative consequences, guilt, or accountability. Examples of this would be hiding/deleting text messages, secret conversations/interactions you know would have a negative impact on your spouse, overall phone secrecy, lying about spending habits, or concealing an addiction. Secrecy destroys trust and creates emotional distance.

Your significant other should be the closest person in your life. You spend the most time with that person, engage in the most intimate act imaginable (sex), and confide deeply in one another. Basic privacy is fine, healthy even. But secrecy has no place in a healthy committed relationship. If a person is in a committed relationship, they should not guard their phones like they contain classified government documents. That in and of itself is a major red flag. Location-sharing should be a given. Not because of distrust, but for the sake of safety and transparency. If I’m in a committed relationship, my spouse will have total access to my phone, whenever my partner wants, and I will have access to my partners phone, whenever I want. That doesn’t mean that we are both constantly checking each other’s phones for signs of infidelity. It just means that our phones are always available, should either of us desire to use or look at it for whatever reason. No hesitancy, no questioning why, no getting offended, just “sure, here ya go.” If there’s nothing to hide, neither one of us should care whatsoever.

Some may feel like this mindset is “too much” or “unreasonable.” Which, to me, is absurd considering how common infidelity is, how high the divorce rate is, and how relationships rarely last these days. Real trust isn’t blind or automatically given. Real trust is built through consistent actions and displaying total transparency. To me, it’s simply common sense to have the mentality I described above if you are actually serious about preserving a relationship you value that’s expected to last a lifetime. At this point in my life, I will not even take a person seriously if they’re not on the same page as me. You either take relationships seriously, or you’re not relationship material. And if you’re not, no problem, just don’t get in the way of me finding someone who is.

Been single since 2 weeks and its been rough.
Spotify blessed me with; Let 'em go by The Interrupters today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CajK3OPaN9A
The song got me up and dancing (I cant dance haha) and feeling a bit better for the first time in these 2 weeks.
I just wanted to share it with you guys so that hopelfully it can also brighten someone elses day, even if it just a tiny bit!
And it also got me wondering, what are some song(s) that got you through a rough breakup/period?

Hi guys, my boyfriend (20M) and I (21F) broke up on mutual terms because he is an undocumented citizen. His only path to citizenship is to get married to a citizen which I am. However, we are both super young and I can’t get married right now because im just starting my professional life and am still dependent on my parents. He is in a rush to get his papers so that’s the reason we broke up. He said he would marry some random girl just to get his papers asap. He understood that we couldn’t get married and he didn’t want to put me through that long process. After our break up, we spent the night together and he was telling me that things will work out and he will marry me one day when he has the correct papers and stuff. He told me all this stuff like he’s never loved someone like me. Then two days after that, he started to speak to other girls. I called him out and he said that we need time apart from each other. I begged him to take me back and that we could take it day by day (kinda dumb). He told me that he ultimately needs time to solve his immigration stuff and that it will be too painful if we are friends/talking. He was begging me to see it from his view and that he would be in my life if there was some time. I cut him off from my social media but he’s following so many girls already, I just feel like it’s an excuse to talk to other people.

I asked my boyfriend for breakup and he denied

Summary - I want to breakup w him because we don't have any future. We have same gotra. Im in such a dillemna because he is perfect life partner for me.

I asked my bf for breakup because I don't see any future w him. Before u judge me we have very beautiful relationship. He is the perfect partner for me and I can't find any person like him atleast in this lifetime.

Obv we have our part of bickering but nothing major has happened till now. We r in relationship from almost 3 years. And at this point, breakup feels like divorce 😭😭😭

I'm asking my bf for breakup because we have "gotra system" if ykyk. So we have same gotra 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭GOD is playing w us 😭😭😭so that's why we can't get married because in our family/tradition having same gotra means😭😭😭😭😭we r siblings 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

so yeah I don't see any future with this. My parents won't agree AT ALL. and I'm emotionally so vulnerable now because I'm attached to him so much. I don't have any social life apart from him, he is my friend bestfriend boyfriend everything so that's why also it's soo hard for me to breakup.

When I asked him for breakup he said he can't do it because he also feels the same way. But we don't have any future as well. He told me he would take care of everything. But as far I know , we can't get married. Whenever I say to him let's breakup, after saying I start having internal emotional fight w myself ki let it be. Let's see where things goo, everything will be alright and all.

The reason breakup is so hard because we never had that major fight, he is greenest flag alive 😭😭😭which is making breakup harder. Like how I'm supposed to console myself after breakup bhyii 😭😭😭I can't even console myself thinking he was red flag 😭😭😭 ofc he have his flaws but he understands me and try to change things which I don't like. Im in such a dilemma 😭😭

I had been buying and collecting gifts for my ex to give to him on our next anniversary but he broke up with me. I have no use for these gifts, can't return them and no one around me would appreciate/benefit from them. He would appreciate the gifts a lot more than I would and one of the gifts was quite expensive.

We've agreed to meet up in a couple of months and I want to give them to him - no feelings attached and I'm not expecting anything in return.

Any advice how I should go about it?

TL DR, My gf and I have been together for 7 years now and have finally decided to call it quits. Her and I have been in a semi okay relationship for the past year or so but honestly it feels like she checked out much before that but decided to at least try at mending this. So last month my gf brought up the idea of splitting up which I unfortunately couldn’t handle at the time and essentially begged for her to stay (I know simp nation) which she did agree to give our relationship another chance. This ended up blowing up in my face because like I had mentioned she was already checked out at the moment prior so honestly the past month has felt like me pushing towards a relationship and future while she slowly started to fill up her day with more things that didn’t include me. So of course we had the classic “we need to talk” talk and kinda reached a point of understanding at least that we obviously aren’t meant for each other but still have love for eachother, so not a bad or messy breakup at all but still felt more one-sided obviously since she was the initiator. We came to the conclusion that if either of us were to break the lease it would really be unaffordable for whoever stays and our roomate so the idea of us being able to tuff it out for 5 months is born. I was feeling alright today since I hadn’t really seen her but tonight is the first night where she’s here I’m here but we are sleeping completely separate. I guess my question is would it be better for me to tuff the lease out or choose myself. Ultimately I wanna avoid her at all cost and now seeing her makes me realize that even more. Our roomate is originally her childhood friend but became more neutral during this time. I really don’t wanna screw her over but i obviously can’t heal from this while I’m living with her. What DO I DO??

we broke up for a second time, I did it now, 2 months ago. For two months she texted me and wanted to fix things but I said no, we even had sex and that was it a month ago. I moved to another country two weeks ago and I missed her so much that I texted her and she said it was too late and that I can only help myself. Im so sad what if i was in the wrong. Im so scared of feeling helpless again and now REGRET becuase I made the decision

What happens now? There’s a weird void and peace and dispair that come after u finally leave. How do u heal from it? Life just goes on and u two move onto new things and eventually time heals u? We left off on a pretty bad note i cried and told him why im done and he says im giving up. I don’t feel like i gave up i feel like I actually gave my all and that’s exactly why im leaving.. im completely exhausted.