Today was the day it happened. The father or my child (15 months) has had a drinking problem since a long time but I didn’t know! I only found out about halfway through the pregnancy when he came home drunk one day and called me “fucking slut”. He didn’t remember the next day. There has been so many occasions of this man getting drunk and ruining things between us. He promised to stop drinking as the baby was born but that didn’t last long. He would get drunk when I would step out to go to the grocery store and while he was in charge of our child. She was only 2-5 months at the time.

His drinking problem has continued but not as often. He went to his first AA meeting a few days ago.. it gave me hope. But today my child was playing and putting the toys in dad’s work-backpack and as I was taking those out, I see several bags of cocaine. MY CHILD COULD HAVE GRABBED THOSE AND IT COULD HAVE ENDED VERY BADLY.

I asked him to leave. I am now a single mom. I used to be so scared of this. It was one of my biggest fears but now I can’t help but to feel proud of myself for making the decision that will keep my daughter safe.

Dinner: avocado toast from the other day because no dinner today. I can’t eat rn.. better days ahead

For almost six years I’ve been trying to get better. Meds, therapy…more meds.
Still more panic attacks came, more night terrors. Then migraines that would keep me inside for days.
I wasn’t getting any good sleep. I dreaded going to bed because I knew I would wake up in the middle of the night nearly shaking.

My late husband’s death was sudden and pretty violent. It’s hard to walk away from that.
I stayed inside for years depressed. Not only was the grief overwhelming, but I weight of how encompassing it was made me feel like life would only be bleak from here on.

A month ago I decided to take a leap. My boyfriend of 1.5 years suggested we move together. So we found a cute beach town and signed a lease.

I packed all my stuff in my car one day and just left. The first hour of the drive I was terrified and I kept thinking of all the ways things could go wrong. Started talking out loud like a crazy person as if my late husband could hear. Then strangely, a rainbow appeared right over my car. There was no rain. Barely any clouds.
Call me crazy and superstitious, but this was the only thing that stopped me from panicking on the drive there.

It’s been a few weeks now, and I’ve been sleeping sooo good.
No more panic attacks. No more night terrors.
No more random visits to the er or migraines that would make my head spin.
I thought my brain was broken, but apparently my nervous system was just severely dis regulated.
Laying down next to someone who I know will always be there for me has made all the difference.

Aside from that, I rarely ever feel sad. I wake up feeling content. When I think of my husband, I mostly feel grateful now. I feel grateful for the time together, and now I’m grateful that the road isn’t as bleak as I thought it would be.

Today I sat by the beach with some leftover rigatoni pasta I made, and I reminisced for a while.
I hope life keeps going up from here.

Edit: I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who commented. I’ve probably read every single one. I post on Reddit all the time none of my posts ever blow up like this. I did 5 years of weekly therapy, I’ve worked so hard on myself to be the person I am today. All of your comments were so incredibly validating. I sincerely hope domestic infant adoption in the us can change.

I want to preface what I’m about to talk about that my situation is in a much better place current day, but it is still 100% true that adoption has been the worst experience of my life.

I think everyone who is uninformed thinks adoption is this beautiful thing. This selfless thing. That women who choose adoption are choosing between adoption and termination. I understand why the majority of people would think that. It’s always how adoption is portrayed in the media. But it’s not reality. Also I am talking about domestic infant adoption in the us just fyi.

The hell that is open adoption is an experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Watching someone else raise your child, getting to experience all of their milestones. It’s a very unique kinda torture.

The whole adoption process in the us is so disgusting to me. All of these waiting couples will say anything they think you want to hear to get you to pick them. At least that was my experience.

Like I said at the top, my situation is in a much better place. But the grief is something I will have with me for the rest of my life. It’s not all consuming anymore but it’s still there and it will never fully disappear.

Other developed countries don’t have domestic infant adoption like the us. Adoption is not a cure for infertility. It should be about child welfare. It shouldn’t be used to take babies from lower income women to give them to higher income families.

The reason I wrote this post was I see sometimes people suggest adoption to a woman who is having a hard time during pregnancy. I just think you only do that if you are extremely uneducated.

If you read all of this, thanks for reading my rant. Like I said I’m in a much better place, but sometimes I still get triggered. Food is cupcakes I made.

A butterfinger that I actually ate 5 of

I was in a bathing suit, at my in laws, walking to the pool and had stopped at the doorway. I SWORE it was my partner behind me; I shook my ass a tiny bit as a small teasing gesture because he would always just give me a loving squeeze…

IT WAS HIS DAD.
HE TURNED AND WALKED AWAY, EMBARRASSED WIDE EYED, AS WE MADE EYE CONTACT.
I am now in bed, holding a pillow, and vibrating as if I could wish the entire moment away….

Pictured: Green enchiladas
Original post got removed so reposting again.

I had a second date with this guy I’ve been talking to for over a month and it went really well. Too well lol. We spent it at his place for most of the day. Got to know each other more. It was a chill date kinda day due to the weather. We have so much in common and honestly it’s so easy to talk to him. I’ve always felt really awkward when dating people and they mainly think I’m weird and never a second date or I just don’t like how they acted at all and I feel no chemistry or theirs nothing in common. Well we ended up making out and getting a little handsy per say. It got to the point were clothes were coming off, plenty of grinding action. He ended up fingering me and omg it was amazing! Well I was feeling him up I got really horny and asked him if it was okay to give him head and he was like “yessss”. I loved that I didn’t feel pressure to do so and I felt so powerful lol. Honestly he seemed really surprised that I did that and he told me that he loved that I took control. And for those wondering, yes we have a third date 😌

I found out I’m 5ish weeks pregnant.
We cannot financially afford another child, and I cannot mentally afford another child with my typical self-centered jerk husband. I’m already a married single mother because hE pAyS tHe BiLLs, so that’s where his responsibility and interest in our family ends.
I can’t even tell him about this because he will freak out and blow it extremely out of proportion, like he does with anything that ever happens…. which is mostly what I’m sad about. My own husband isn’t a safe person to confide in. But I’ve learned to handle things on my own.
Currently awaiting the mail-ordered medication to solve my issue (and sooooo incredibly thankful for the amazing people who run these organizations.)
I don’t have anyone besides one friend to talk to about this so I just need to get it off my chest.

Yes, I know I need to get out. I am working on it, I would already be gone if I had the means.

Dinner is esquites.

Homemade kung pao chicken and shrimp lo mein (spaghetti squash sub for noodles due to CSID, and sugar free products like brown sugar).

so so hurt. I was growing out my hair because my partner had made comments about it not being their most favorite haircut on me. I put lots of effort and time into my appearance.

So I was cutting my own hair, just a trim. I did the brad mundo trim with adding hair ties, making sure they’re the same length with no over direction and trim under the hair ties. Super easy right.

I asked my partner to help even it out like if there’s long stragglers. I told him the goal is to be straight even cut extremely straight forward. I was trying to explain to him how to do it.

But he was huffy and puffy that I asked for help. Like as in annoyed that he had to get up. Yet he was calm and just said he would try but doesn’t know how. This was said calmly and I just had expected a small tutorial and we’d be right as rain.

And mid explaining he said he doesn’t want to hear the instruction and threw the comb aggressively at the mirror. I told him again that the comb is to use as a guide to make sure it’s straight.

And then yelled at me because I was crying about his impatience and lack of caring at all.

Started yelling that I ask for help, and he warned me he couldn’t cut hair. When in fact he really could had he just listened- I asked for like one minute of his precious time to help.

We literally have No Money for things like haircuts: I just wanted help grooming myself so I look presentable as I help him. I thought it was mutual caring.

I mean if he accidentally hacked it’s one thing- but how could it be an accident if you’re throwing shit and getting mad. Then when I express my frustration and dismay he straight up yells at me.

He even had the audacity to tell me I need girl friends to help with this stuff. Like turned it into a sexist issue? Idk. Like I’m a male so obviously I can’t cut hair- says him. Like this is a fucking BRAD MUNDO tutorial- like the man cuts hair like a rock star. What do you mean I need a girl friend to do this shit with?

He hacked my hair: I had to cut four more inches than I had wanted. Now I’m back to a boyish haircut again, so I’m feeling so ugly and self conscious.

And this could have all been avoided had he had just an iota of care for me. Just any consideration into my feelings as a woman.

Told him I didn’t want to be with him no more and I’m floored that me asking for simple help makes him so mad.

His excuse: I told you I can’t cut hair. My hands shake (they don’t actually just the tiniest unsteadiness and honestly if he just listened to instruction steadiness wasn’t need at all). He could cut his dogs nails just fine though- Mr unsteady.

I’m just so fucking hurt. We don’t have money for me to get my haircut, I was just trying to make myself presentable nothing fancy. Just needed the flyaways trimmed to match the length of everything else. Like how could you possible fuck that up.

Literally raised his voice when I was in tears that my hair was hacked, in front of my kid. And blaming me for asking for help. Like he didn’t have to say yes. In fact, this was such simple task that it’s impossible to understand how it possibly went south like this.

When he supposedly takes pride in being a provider/protector. Like really? How you going to treat me like that over the TINIEST little help.

It was ALREADY STRAIGHT I just needed the weird fly aways cut.

I’m so hurt

edited to add*****

The post is locked and I can’t respond. Not sure what I did wrong or why it’s locked.

Also didn’t realize how bad this situation truly was and had thought I was overreacting. Thank you all for opening my eyes a bit more.

Feel free to pm me because honestly I need to hear outside opinions. We just moved to a new state and I don’t know a soul. I feel so alone right now. No family or anything.

i was on the way home from my friend’s bachelor party (all genders welcome) and a very aggressive man walked past me and my friend and punched me in my face. I wasn’t physically hurt but he threw off my glasses & earring. I had the worst panic attack and could not stop crying after. The more women I tell about this, the more tell me similar stories of that happening to them. I am so sad and upset, hoping the anger will kick in eventually.

(I am in therapy already and have a great support system.)

sad girl dinner is a veggie schnitzel with a bit of salad.

I had been accepting mistreatment and blatant disrespect from my partner’s family for the past two, almost three years. Smear campaigns, triangulation, bullying, etc. Don’t get me wrong, my partner stands up for me always, but in a dysfunctional family where they never really cared for and appreciated him, let alone gave any regard to his feelings and to hear his voice, it was never enough and we stuck around for the kids in the family.

To make matters worse, they all speak Spanish and I don’t know any. So often, I wouldn’t even know what they were saying until my partner would get angry and confront them.

I’ve always stayed to myself. Part of the reason why the bullying continued is because they know I’m a naturally reticent, quiet person. I’ve always spread love and kindness and extended an olive branch even after I knew of all of the horrible things they’ve said about me. I kept dealing with it bc I never wanted separation. I wanted a village, a community, to have a second family, to have them present at our wedding and if we decide to have kids. I wanted to have spa dates and brunch with his mom. I’m grieving that it’s never gonna happen.

But to make a long story short, because believe me, it’s a very long one…

A 40-something year old relative came from out of town for a funeral, had been apart of the bullying and gossip telephone game that is sponsored by my enmeshed mother in law, she felt like she could AGGRESSIVELY come at me over a plate of food I didn’t finish, since the whole family dislikes me. And she thinks bc she’s an elder, she can do and say what she wants.

I initially walked away from her because for her to act crazy at her own family member’s funeral was wild. I know what grief and sadness does to people. I lost my own dad and brother when I was 19 and 21, but I know how to remain kind and that my thunderstorms are mine and not to let anyone else get wet, if you understand what I’m saying.

But she continued even after the funeral. So I knew this had nothing to do with the plate of food.
So… I squared up with her on my mother in law’s front lawn and won. She only ripped my tank top and tried to pull my hair.

My partner took me out for my fav pasta at Cheesecake Factory afterwards and has decided to go fully no-contact with them. 🩷

I ordered the pasta de vinci with some modifications.

** light hearted and unserious **

My wonderful MIL, who I genuinely adore, is visiting us for a month. We're about 3 weeks in, and literally every single time she uses the bathroom, she switches my TP roll around from overhand to underhand. Every single time I use it, I switch it back.

At this point, I have to assume we're both doing a social experiment.

I refuse to be a grown up about it and talk to her, because now I have this morbid curiosity. It's going to last the full month, right? Could you imagine doing this in someone else's house for an entire month?? Like, ok one time maybe you think you'll just swap it because they probably don't care. But then it switches back every single time, so yes they obviously do care.

Is this a power struggle? Is she taking it off the holder for some reason and putting it back the other way out of habit? Is it a poltergeist? Did the dog learn how to do it?

Dinner was spinach and mushroom scramble with clementines.

Costco pizza

Ruining is prob overstatement. I’ve been eating like shit lately/trigger foods so this event was probably bound to happen

I’m actually so embarrassed about it. He made plans to see each other for dinner, but I already ordered a hefty bowl of pho (so good). I think it made my gastrocolic reflex make everything in my gut start moving aka all the junk food so I started having uncomfy bowel movements 😭 I was freaking out bc I was supposed to see him soon. Didn’t help I barely ate anything before a big meal!

He drove to me, otherwise I probably would’ve rescheduled, i wanted to tough it out. Right when I met with him I told him my anxiety was bad and he holds his arm out for me to hold onto to console me (awe) but then I get this dry sensation in my throat and I gagged and my throat like, froze?? It happens rarely but it’s annoying when it does ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF MY BF FUCK!!!

We saw a movie so I was able to take a longer bathroom break and that helped, still so annoying though.

It always makes me worry this is something I’ll get dumped over. He’s always understanding and chill about it, and there had been 2 times similar at his place and he was the same calm and comforting bf but I still worry because I would be annoyed :/ it’s been 8 months so maybe he just accepts this part of me🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Lobster with crawfish, but just as the title says almost like once a week when I’m at work I work at a gas station I’ll be standing at the cash register with idk a co worker talking or just doing anything and I will see a man in the corner of my eye and he always says something like hey what are you doing or other things and I look over and no one is ever there. The man is always next to me yk behind the register with me and it scares me because I think a customer had some how gotten behind the counter at first. It’s super odd.

But I can always feel him walk by me or next to me it’s like a gust of wind. Idk. He has brown hair and he’s just a medium sized guy I think I’m imagining it which freaks me out.

(Some chocolate cookies from Asia?)

Right now me (f23) and my girl (f25) share 1 car. My car… I came into this relationship with my car. We have been together 2 years now and she never got a car. Every job I’d pick her up or we worked at the same job with the same hours. This job she has now has made me lose my mind. We have almost the same schedule but it’s opposite if that makes sense. We share 1 full day off together. So when she works she has the car and when I work I only get the car for 2 days. for the other 2 days I work I have to find a ride to work while her whole work week she has the car. She told me not too worry because in three months she’ll have the money for the car but she keeps calling. In the last month she’s called off work 3 times so far. That’s like 450 we missed. It’s just super frustrating. I pay the car note and maintenance and insurance while she just drives it and puts gas and idk how my car is being driven. I just feel like I lost the one thing that felt like it was mine… she said she’ll pay this months car note I thank her for that but I really just want my car back..

Also! I’ve been the one actively looking for cars for her. I found a beater car that gets her from A to B at a good deal she declined it cuz the bumper had a dent

My car started breaking down on the highway in 95 degree heat. My power steering went out, there was smoke everywhere and I was afraid my car was going to catch on fire. I pulled over to the shoulder. I took my baby out of their carseat and ran from the car, watching and waiting for the flames. Suddenly, an older man pulled over on the side of the road. He first ran toward the car to make sure no one was in it. He asked if me and my baby were okay and proceeded to inspect the situation as the smoke dissipated. He told me he was sure with the engine off, it was safe to be near it. I sat my baby back in the car and left the door open so they could at least be in the shade and maybe get some wind from passing cars.

After a few moments of waiting while I made some calls, the man hesitantly said ‘Well, it’s really really hot out here and it’s not too safe for your baby. If you wanted to, I have air conditioning in my car…?’ In that moment, I very quickly said no. He responded ‘Okay, I’ll wait here in my car until your husband picks you up, just in case you need some help. Please stay cool.’

Sir, if there’s any chance you or your family read this, thank you for waiting almost a whole hour on the side of the highway during rush hour for my husband to get to me and my baby. I did not ask your name and I wish I did. You couldn’t have known this, but you have no idea how badly I wanted my dad in that moment, and it was a comfort to have you near. I apologize for not accepting your offer, though I knew in that moment you understood why. Thank you for being so kind to a total stranger in need.

Lunch today was this donut and a good amount of electrolytes bc I keep crying over this situation 🥲

In the pic: my lazy Bolognese with Spaghetti and dried cheese, cooked for three hours, absolutely tasty and comforting.

Some of you may have read the news about Saxony-Anhalt voting for AFD, the fascist far right party, with numbers that even top the voting for CDU right after the unification. It's absolutely devastating. Hundreds of lawyers, specialized in social rights (not sure about the specific field of education), came to the conclusion that the AFD is unconstitutional and demanded the immediate ban. Nothing happened.

If you're from the US, nothing can shock you anymore, I'm afraid. The leading party CDU with the chancellor Friedrich Merz was too arrogant to even try. Friedrich Merz btw earned his reputation not in politics, but with being a leading head at Blackrock. No one wanted him as our chancellor but somehow he is.

I was born in DDR (GDR), but right after the unification my parents moved to the very western part of Germany. I know both sides. The media is a big part of providing negative information about the East and the people living there. What did they expect to happen, when all they were talking about was, how far behind the East is. Ignoring the history of our unification isn't helpful either.

Growing up on both sides let me see the absolute ignorance and indifference of people in the western part and the growing frustration and same ignorance in the eastern part.

For the longest time I understood Germany as the little brother of the US. A lot of things like boosted capitalism, privatization and a strong, extremely influential Automotive lobby are very similar to the US. Now we're facing the same political crash. Chapeau!

*Saxony-Anhalt is only one federal state of 16 in Germany. But the yesterdays election is showing a scary trend for our future in this country. The AFD is winning a lot of influence on our day to day politics very soon.

Been seeing this guy for a month or so, consistently good conversations and aligned values and such. Today we had a talk where he came back with some reservations about the future of our relationship — the main one being that I don’t share his hobbies, including his love of video games. To be fair he’s not a gaming addict, and seems to be intentional about his time spent gaming, but I was kind of at a loss as to why this is so important that it’s a potential dealbreaker. I’ve never been a gamer or been around people who are so maybe I genuinely don’t understand how important it is for people whose lives are deeply entrenched in gaming? I feel… heartbroken bc this is so out of left field. I wish I hadn’t let my imagination run rampant in terms of a future with him. I’m a little mind-boggled by how hurt/heartbroken you can feel by someone you barely know… I think I need to grow tougher skin to survive this dating world.

Dinner with pickings from this charcuterie tray, and the leftovers will be lunch and dinner tmrw, yay

//edit: thanks for the helpful perspectives (and the virtual hugs are definitely appreciated). It’s helpful to know that his viewpoint is not an uncommon one. I don’t want to disparage him either, he’s a good guy, I wouldn’t have dated him if he weren’t. I was just blindsided by this, and wish he could’ve brought this up at the start. And to clarify, I do see value in having mutual interests (and respecting the non-mutual ones), it’s just that this is the main one we did not have in common.

This is what having a kind smile and listening to elderly people so they feel seen and less lonely will get ya! I need to learn how to bitch-face ASAP.

I’m 26F.

Volunteered at an event collecting donations in preparation for winter cold.

This old guy pulled up in his truck with a bunch of brand-new and very clean stuff, donated it all. He walked with a quite a bad limp, and in the manner of seniors, proceeded to tell me his entire life story within five minutes.

He hung around for a long while, and when I asked him how long he’s lived in the area, he said he moved here after his divorce. He’s alone now and his kids and grandkids are all far away.
For more context, he took two Tylenols in front of me and told me he had all his remaining teeth taken out to get fitted for a full-mouth denture soon.
He hung around for so long and asked about my age, my time in the city, and wanted to know about what I do. I told him about my work and business I’m running.

He was very nice to me and to everyone else helping out. He then asked if we would continue taking donations after that day, since the outdoor stand would only stay up for one day. I told him yes, we could collect stuff from people and bring to the city centers.

He asked for my number and I gave him.
I swear, I honestly didn’t sense anything untoward. Nothing at all. He seemed so ‘grandfatherly’. And definitely way out the phase of… that!

Why would this man call me a week later and ask if I had a minute to talk, and then proceeded to ask if I’m single. My first suspicion was he wanted to set me up with one of his kids.
I don’t remember the words verbatim but he said, “I’ve been alone for eight years. Being alone sucks so much. I would like for us to be something more than friends,”

JAW DROP.

Grandpa, I’m 26. I asked his age and he said he just turned 77, but it doesn’t matter. That he wants to be in my life and he can take care of me, that he still makes a very good living and hasn’t stopped working.

I had to decline. Told him I’m not available for such a relationship.

But, I won’t lie. Sugar daddy?💀🤓🙃

Dinner:Teriyaki glazed salmon, fried rice and broccoli.

I have been in the mental health system for 10years and have only been progressively getting worse. I’m diagnosed with Schizoaffective, BPD,ADHD, obsessive/compulsive behaviors, sleep apnea, a substance use disorder and another disorder that for some reason we are not allowed to mention on this sub. I constantly feel like I’m falling apart no matter how much treatment I receive. I’ve been inpatient 13 times, residential once, PHP twice, and IOP 4 times. Last time I was inpatient, the psychiatrist threatened to send me to the state hospital. I engage with pretty much every maladaptive behavior there is. And I don’t think I experience a moment in my day that I’m not actively having a symptom of one of my disorders. I’m getting treatment fatigue and feel like relapsing on all my maladaptive behaviors. I constantly feel like I’m self destructing. I’m not sure how to live without being sick. I’m starting to believe I’m treatment resistant.

I'm nonbinary but I have taken estrogen for almost a decade and I've had several feminizing surgeries. My friends tell me I look and sound AFAB, which is pretty nice honestly. Nevertheless, I just haven't had any luck with cis people--cis women in particular. And I'm not just talking about romance... I want to go to women's events and meet more women bc I do still strongly identify with my womanhood, but I don't feel like I am welcome in cis women's spaces as an AMAB nonbinary person--regardless of how I am generally perceived.

I have a therapist who is also trans and that has been helping a lot. Before her, I wouldn't even interact with cis women bc I just get so insecure around them... Especially if they're really pretty. It doesn't help that any time I feel attracted to a cis woman I feel like a total creep. All of the things the media says about trans women... I know it's not true but I've internalized it anyway and I fucking hate that so much. I know I'm just as real as any other woman or nonbinary person but when it comes to associating with lesbians in particular, I feel like the gender I was assigned at birth puts me one level beneath other women or feminine people in a lot of people's eyes.

My ex roommate doesn't know I'm nonbinary but she knows I'm trans. She hooked me up with this cis girl who was like really excited to talk to me. She was into the fact that I'm trans and it didn't seem like a chaser kind of thing or gross in any way. She made me feel safe. So I confided in her about being nonbinary--she was the first cis person I told this to. No other cis people knew about my true gender, and I felt safe with her. Well, she had an *extremely* negative reaction to that. Said she didn't understand it and talking about it made her angry. How tf am I supposed to work with that? How can I be with somebody who hates such an essential part of me? That rejection really stung. I feel like she lulled me into a false sense of security & struck me when I was at my most vulnerable. I really hate when that happens.

I dunno if any of this makes sense. I would just really love the chance to interact with a lot of cis women & feel like I actually belong there & that I'm not an intruder or that I am inferior in any way.

We were in bed, getting ready to tuck in for the night when he rolled over, into my waiting arms for a kiss while I was laughing. It all happened so fast, but he got this weird look on his face and started lifting his head up. When he sneezed, it got everywhere and I screamed. He immediately used my breasts to push himself off me and out of the bed and I think it's going to bruise. We were both kind of in shock and he stood at the foot of the bed for a full minute before running in a circle, stomping, then sprinting into the hallway before I could get a word in.

Fucking huskies, man.

Leftover crawfish boil I ate the potatoes and corn out of first.

This is after a convo with some friends and I just need to rant here like I did to my friends.

Just buck your hips the way you like it. Put his hand where it needs to go. No he doesn’t care how you look when he goes down on you. And for gods sake, do not ride it straight up and down cause you think it feels better for him or it looks sexy. He does not give a flying fuck.

If you think you’re never seeing this guy again, just do whatever to ensure you ALSO have a good time (obviously consensually). Tell him what he’s doing is wrong. PUT HIS HAND ON THE RIGHT SPOT NOT THE DAMN LIPS.

It can be tough cause there’s a lot of mental barriers. I’ve been assaulted before, I’ve been self conscious about it, I’ve been worried about his comfort to the point where I’m super nervous and uncomfy. Men doooo not care and will take orders; they’d rather claim they did good than realize they did a bad job. If this one for some reason doesn’t care to make sure you’re doing okay, don’t risk your flora for him!

Also these are cod tacos with mango salsa, cumin black beans, sweet potato fries and fried pickles. I love savory

P.S no this doesn’t apply for women ✊ signed a raging bisexual

Girl dinner is charcuterie with my book club at my new house ❤️

Buckle up, this is probably too long, but I hope it helps me process my feelings.

I was with my now ex for just under 8 years. I loved him deeply, and I truly thought he was my person. We had an easy intimacy that I’d never experienced before, and for a long time he made me feel very safe and very loved.

Admittedly, there were red flags from the beginning. It was clear he had a problem with alcohol, but I had never been around someone with SUD and it just didn’t register, not until much later, anyway.

His dream had been to get into a certain career that required a certification and schooling; he felt this was a pipe dream and out of reach, because he’d have to quit his job to pursue it. After we’d been together for about three years, I agreed that if he got into the program I’d financially support him. Well, he did get in. It was an extremely stressful 2.5 years where money was tight, we were living apart during the week, and his ego and pride took several hits, but we made it through. When he finished I threw him a big graduation party. He was so happy. He said now we could get married, we could have kids, we could tackle my student loans together. I was so proud of him.

After his first year working, in the new career, everything started to go down hill. I think the job was more stressful than he anticipated. I think maybe he didn’t fit in that well as a new comer. I think the guys made fun of him for being with a woman with a high power career. He started drinking more and more. He would come home from work, immediately pound 3-4 IPAs, then nap for 3 hours, wake up for an hour to eat something, then drink more and go back to bed. Our sex life slowed down significantly. It didn’t look like an engagement was on the horizon and I didn’t think I could accept anyway due to the alcohol.

Then it got even worse. We had agreed that to “pay me back” for getting him through school, I wouldn’t pay any living expenses for 2.5 years. We were living in his house that he owned. After the first year he started making comments about me being a freeloader, which absolutely almost bowled me over—it was clear that he deeply resented that I wasn’t paying anything towards his mortgage or utilities. The drinking increased even more, to where he would be drunk all weekend long, follow me around and yell at me, shake me away in the middle of the night to say awful things. If I locked myself in a room, he’d pound on the walls with his fists. The worst part is he wouldn’t remember the things he said, and I would point blank ask him if he wanted to break up, if he didn’t want me here—I told him not to stay with me out of guilt because I put him through school. He would reassure that he was sorry, that the would change, the he loved me and could not lose me.

He’d get sober for maybe a week or two at a time, and I’d suddenly recognize him again. It was like he had been gone a long trip and suddenly returned—and I would think “oh! There you are.” But it would only last a week or two and then he’d start up again. He’d hide it and lie about it. He moved into one of the spare bedrooms because I was “snoring” after I got back from a work trip but really he was just drinking and hiding alcohol in there.

I started going to therapy and reading the AlAnon Reddit. I realized that his alcoholism was progressing, and I tried so hard to protect myself by detaching and not trying to control the situation. It only got worse, and he started missing work, and was sometimes drunk for 5-10 days straight. If you’ve never been around an alcoholic it’s hard to explain, but I mean he would be literally falling over/slurring black out drunk for 10 days in a row.

About 1.5 years ago I started making an exit strategy plan with my therapist. We agreed that he had to hit come sort of rock bottom to get help, and maybe that would happen if I left. I started looking for houses to buy. I eventually closed on a house this past June, but I was still struggling to leave. Then, in July, he went on a really really bad bender. He didn’t go to work for almost two weeks, was wildly belligerently drunk, pissed himself four times in 5 days. He then made some concerning comments to me about the guns in the house, and that was it. That was my cue. I waited until he blacked out, grabbed some essentials, grabbed the dogs, and left. I blocked him so he couldn’t call or text me.

He has no family in the area and really no friends, as he alienated all of them with his drinking in one way or another. He spent the first week I was gone continuing the bender and not going to work. I unfortunately had to encounter him raving drunk when I went back to get some things, and all he could say was “this sucks, I’m sorry.”

I unblocked him so I could communicate about logistics, and readers, it’s like this man and our relationship never existed. He never tried to call me or text me or reach out to me. He was calling some of my friends’ husbands drunk and upset, the last phone call I know of happening on 8/15.

I had to go back to his house for the final time on 8/27 to get the last of my belongings. And there was another woman’s things there. She had written him a note on the dry erase board calendar I had bought him. She left a claw clip in the bedroom. There was a sex oil on the kitchen counter. She had printed pictures of the two of them, pasted them on construction paper and captioned them, and hung them on his fridge with a magnet he and I had gotten together on a trip. I. Was. Floored. He had just called my friend’s husband drunk and upset 10 days earlier?? We haven’t even been broken up for two months?

Quite frankly ladies, I am not okay. I did not want to leave this man, I had to because he was unsafe and spiraling. I thought he would hit rock bottom, get help, go to rehab. I thought we would have a proper conversation so I could get some closure so that our relationship could end with some compassion and understanding, not me terrified and fleeing in the middle of the night.

All I wanted for the past 1.5 years was for him to be sober, to spend time with me, to sleep with me, to be happy. And instead he’s giving that all to someone else. I suffered for so long and agonized about leaving him, only for him to move on in 5 weeks. I feel stupid, I feel lonely and used and rejected. I can’t eat or sleep, my brain is immediately filled with images of him with this other woman. I am questioning our entire relationship where I was so convinced that he loved me and I am so so shaken.

I know he is a coward. I know he is an alcoholic in extreme denial, and I know I had bought a house in preparation to leave him, but I think deep down I thought he would get better, that we’d find each other again.

I have an absolutely incredible support system of a million friends (most of whom who have hated him for years due to his behavior) and they have been so wonderful in helping me with the new house and keeping me company and cheering me on.

But oh, friends, I am big sad. I feel absolutely devastated and sick. I know the only way out is through but good lord does it hurt.

boy am i glad i posted here. many wise women said to take pictures and secure evidence, because he will delete texts. i didn’t think he would but i took pictures anyway and emailed them to myself on a different account.

we talked and talked for over 3 days, he even let me look at his phone himself (i never told him i already looked), and i scrolled quickly but didnt find a lot of the damning texts that i saw before. he was also scoffing the entire time, calling the whole situation “toxic” and “controlling”, and the messages i DID see that bothered me, he completely brushed off. he ended up apologizing for being an “asshole” but there was no resolution to the actual issue. i woke up again at 3am sweating and nauseous. i checked his phone again today, and have evidence that he deleted the really really upsetting messages about spending time with her one on one.

for my own safety, i have not told him what i know. but i told him i don’t trust him and im leaving. i gave him 5 chances to tell the truth and he still hasn’t. he even said he’s been 100% honest. i am humiliated, but i’m done. i’d rather be embarrassed now for a few weeks than for the rest of my life. my job and family are waiting for me with open arms. going home tomorrow.

worst part: part of my brain is still telling me i’m crazy because he keeps telling me he loves me and he’s sad this is ending over “nothing”

best part: having delicious takeout again, will find a cute apartment and decorate how IIIII want.