Dinner is fried chicken tacos with homemade pumpkin enchilada sauce :D

Hi everyone! I'm a trans girl still early in her transition (4 months on E 😊) and figuring herself out. The other day some of my friends took me clothes shopping to try on new styles and it was an amazing experience. I love my friends so much!! I'm really happy to finally find myself and to have such amazing people around me willing to help.

It's just painful sometimes to look back at my childhood and think about what I missed out on. I'm overall really happy with how my life is going now but it's hard not to wish I got to have all the formative girlhood experiences I see my younger sisters having and it's really sad feeling like I can never fully relate to the lived experience of other women

Food is korean fried chicken in a sweet and sour sauce. Honestly the best chicken I've had.

A lot of you responded to my last post with immense support. I thank you so much. A lot of you pointed to adoption. I can not do that. I'd probably be adopted out with the baby by my own family too, that's just not an option. I wish it was. I wish so badly it was.

Maybe I'll get a shitstorm for this, maybe not.

I just want to state: Abortion at this point while not being medically legal where I currently am, is not a legal threat to my own self. I cannot be prosecuted for this, I did my research for the laws in the area I am at. It's not illegal for a pregnant person to end the pregnancy themselves, so legally I'm completely fine

I reached out to agencys that help. Pills will arrive in a week or two. I'm in my 19th week of pregnancy.

It will be risky, I definitely will have to go to the hospital as the process starts. It's going to be treated as a pregnancy loss. I'll be fine.

I'm aware that medical abortion at this stage is risky being medically unsupervised, the plan is: start the process, end it in a medical facility equipped to help me.

I do not have the means to raise a child, wether it is financially or emotionally or physically. I can barely take care of myself. I still live at home. I don't even have a drivers license, I have nothing I could give a child

The reason that I thought that I could do it was not really my own choice. I've realized that at the start of the pregnancy I just "ignored" it in a sense because it was so abstract, and the longer this has gone on the more my mind accepted that it is real, and in turn I've gone into total panic and my mental health is plummeting.

I genuinely think that if I do not choose this, I will most definitely... well, end it. For myself.

I do not want to traumatize a child, whether it be by my own death or the simple fact that I will not be able to nurture a child how it should be nurtured.

I hold a lot of guilt. Mostly because I let this go on for so long before realizing that I ABSOLUTELY do not want this.

I do not wish bad for my child, quite the opposite. It's not the childs fault that I was stupid, the baby would not ruin my life, it'd be my own self. No child should be brought into the world under these circumstances.

I feel like an animal trying to gnaw it's own leg off to get out of a bear trap, that's the closest way I can describe my state right now.

I'm scared, but also relieved that I do have a way out. There will be grief, but not as big as if I'll bring a child into this world and fuck them up in all ways possible.

I'm sorry. I have no other reasonable option.

tdlr: someone is harassing me online with completely false stories and now i’m worried about what they’re claiming is “circulating” about me

Girl I need to vent because this whole situation is making me feel insane, uncomfortable, and slightly unsafe. This all happened late last night.

A random account on started repeatedly commenting on my social media making claims about my dating life that are just flat-out inaccurate. This account had also been watching my stories a few weeks back. They never thought anything of it.

On threads they were saying I’m “always going after” players from a basketball sports team here, that I’m trying to get invited to expensive dinners, that I only give attention to players, and even implying I’m involved with married men on said team. None of that is true. The only remotely factual part is that yes, earlier in the year I did talk to one person on said team for a few months. It never became physical, and he was not married or in a relationship. We never sexted or even sent spicy photos. For those few months it was genuinely normal and innocent communication and getting to know you conversations, basketball banter, and things like that.

So even the one thing this person could maybe be twisting has been turned into a completely different story. Then it got much creepier. They started saying things like:
“be careful who you get into bed with”
“you know exactly who you’re dealing with”
“you know what you’ve done”
“I’ve seen things”
“people are showing things of yours around”
“I’m just warning you”
and eventually, “you know he’s married, right?”

I kept asking them what they were talking about, what they had supposedly seen, who they were referring to, and what “things” of mine were supposedly being shared. (sorry this conversation was all in Spanish so I hope it translates correctly in English.)

They refused to answer. They just kept insisting that I “know exactly” what they mean, which I genuinely do not. That’s what is bothering me the most now. Not even the ridiculous accusations themselves, because I know they’re false. It’s the implication that there is supposedly information, screenshots, gossip, or something else “circulating” about me online.

I cannot think of anything that could exist that would actually be incriminating or even remotely match what this person is implying. So if there really is something being passed around, my assumption is that it would have to be false, manipulated, taken completely out of context, or defamatory. And that is such an unsettling feeling.

I keep thinking is this person bluffing? Did someone send them random screenshots and of what? Are they part of some private group chat? Did someone completely fabricate a story about me? Or are they just trying to scare me by being vague on purpose?

I am going to the police to report everything, saved every screenshot, blocked the account, and I’m filing a police report because I have no idea who is behind it or what they actually know. I don’t know if they know who I am in real life and if they know my routines. I’m just concerned in so many ways, including for my own safety.

The whole thing is just so deeply weird. I can handle someone being rude online. What I don’t like is a stranger repeatedly making false claims about my private life and then dangling this idea that “things” about me are being shared somewhere while refusing to say what those things are. That is the part I can’t stop thinking about.

Anyways I just need to vent.

Pictured is a strawberry blueberry smoothie with coconut yogurt

Like genuinely no part of my life is doing well:

Family is abusive and luckily I managed to escape... Unluckily I am a trans woman so no name change and gender marker change for me until I no longer depend on their graciousness (me telling them that it would make them look bad if they just abandoned their "son")... I'm currently struggling with energy in general and I need a job while trying to learn a new language...

Yup I totally didn't move to a new country to live with my now ex gf that I'm still living with... Nope can't be me... (Still figuring out my sexuality btw xD ) And I don't want to move back because my home turf is currently going nazi all the way hurray...

Oh yeah and the healthcare here is fucking dogshit, wdym you can't evaluate me for f64.0 due to "feelings of depression" I handed you my diagnosis from my home country! And of course they got rid of the private healthcare for that so now I get Sertraline instead of estrogen without any way to fix it, well done Sweden! Hats off! You fixed my non existing depression!🥳🥳 (Not 🫩)

Well okay school is going well if I had the energy to show up regularly, which I don't, the motivation kind of died off completely the second I realized that my ex gf, who is also trans, had no fucking idea what she was talking about regarding trans healthcare in this country, she also doesn't speak swedish with me and leaves a mess everywhere... I'm just exhausted from constantly having to clean something and she and her new gf are just draining me as well... And I can't leave because living somewhere else is too expensive :D (low key just need a job and most of my issues would disappear eventually)

Oh yeah I've also tried dating, since I get asked out frequently, I thought I could give it a shot... Nope I'm good. Not right now, I have enough bs to deal with and sorting through all the men just seeing me as just ass and tits is not worth it atm

Vegan carbonara with vegan cheese

got into another argument tonight.. Bf m31 and I f26 have been together for 5 years now. I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. When we fight it’s usually over something trivial that he said that upset me and I overreacted but I feel justified in the moment and end up screaming. Then he wants to leave, I beg him to stay, we fight again, he succumbs to staying and I realize it was all for something dumb. It’s a cycle every time. I’m at the point where he’s going to actually leave if I don’t stop the extreme mood swings and yelling. I could do good for a few weeks then it goes right back. I see a therapist but Idk how much it’s helping. I feel like the adderall probably doesn’t help my anger but i feel incapable of anything without it. worth noting that in the time we’ve been dating my dad died unexpectedly, and I had stage 3 cancer and had a lot of insecurities and anger come up with it. My bf doesn’t want to continue to have his whole life be like these past two years. My anger and moods seemed to have hit an all time high after my dad died too but i’ve been moody my whole life with extreme tantrums when i was young but this is just out of hand now. i’m so upset and sad this is how my life is and all I want is to be happy and spend my life with him.

Late night meal of cucumber slices with homemade salsa and hummus.

So, where to start.
I've had a group of close friends for about a year now, completely online. All of us are transgender/genderqueer and it's a really nice community we've made for ourselves. I've gotten particularly close with three of them, all about my age (early-mid 20s), and particularly close with this friend. She's fucking adorable in everything she does. She's giggly, funny, kind, I love listening to her talk about literally anything. Over the past few months I've grown more and more affectionate with my friends, tearing down emotional walls that I've built over the years and letting myself learn to love my found family in the process.

Well, tonight it was just me and her in call, and I'm not sure how the subject started, but we started talking about wanting to visit each other. I live in the US and she's from France. Today (the 8th) is her birthday, and I didn't intend to confess on her birthday but it just kind of happened naturally. I told her that I have had a crush on her for a while. I'm not sure if that's the right word, I don't really know if I even feel romantic attraction, but whatever I feel it's STRONG for this cutie, labels be damned.

This pivots into talking about how we feel attraction, neither of us really feel romantic attraction so far as we've experienced, but that we really care about each other and that we do love each other. Well, this continues to escalate, with us talking about kinks and platonic intimacy whatnot, and me half-jokingly saying that I wanted to send her nudes. She giggles, which is a good sign.

We moved to a private call, and I turned my camera on and started to strip, asking after every article of clothing if it was ok (it was). I hadn't realized that being naked in front of my friends was a turn on but holy fuck it was hot. As a trans woman who has some dysphoria but is overall happy with my body, it was a very liberating experience, to show my body in all it's imperfections to someone who's so important to me. She kept telling me how beautiful I was, with my small boobs and belly and cute face, and I felt cute too. I was hard as a rock, and although I wish my parts were different I don't mind them. We both started to masturbate, me on camera the whole time. I was putting on a little birthday show just for her. Things got more kinky but those details are for us :3

Neither of us could finish, despite us both being extremely aroused by what we were doing. Just something that is hard when you have the wrong parts. Either way, we had fun, I confessed how strongly I felt about my friend, and gave her a little show. It was a success from every angle and I just had to gush about it somewhere.

TLDR; confessed how strongly I feel for a longtime friend, put on a nude webcam birthday show for her while we masturbated, and had an amazing time doing something neither one of us had ever done. 10/10, recommend getting nude for your close friends.

Edit: It's been pointed out to me that this isn't really platonic, which is true, but it's not really romantic either. I love her and she's my best friend, and we did sexual stuff, but I don't think a romantic relationship is something either of us are interested in. I'm not sure what we have fits into any labels, and that's perfectly fine.

i was on the way home from my friend’s bachelor party (all genders welcome) and a very aggressive man walked past me and my friend and punched me in my face. I wasn’t physically hurt but he threw off my glasses & earring. I had the worst panic attack and could not stop crying after. The more women I tell about this, the more tell me similar stories of that happening to them. I am so sad and upset, hoping the anger will kick in eventually.

(I am in therapy already and have a great support system.)

sad girl dinner is a veggie schnitzel with a bit of salad.

last one got taken down cause i didn’t have any actual food on my post (which true mb) so here’s the cheeseburgers and chicken sandwich that was bitching about that i partially fucked up cause i’m ridiculous 😭

i’m typing this on my phone so forgive the fuck out of me if this is hard to read
it’s not a big deal but i wanna bitch

i went to mcdonald’s before work and i knew id be like “just cutting it” but i said okay fuck it the lines not long i’ll be okay.

i was very wrong.

so when i start pulling up, the car in front is leaving the order window. sick. this is gonna so quick hell yea. literally the ONLY thing i wanted was the new spicy chicken nuggets combo with a coke zero. that’s IT.

anyways, i pull up and im just sitting there waiting for the “what can i get started for you” and i wait for what feels like 10 minutes. and i HATE to be the bitch to be like “hello?” to the speaker cause like i don’t wanna rush them. but like girl i gotta get to work PLEASE.

so i finally HEAR THE SMALLEST FUCKING MOUSE SQUEEK IN THE FUCKING WORLD. “ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵃⁱᵗ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᶜᵃⁿ ⁱ ᵍᵉᵗ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗᵉᵈ ᶠᵒʳ ʸᵒᵘ”

i think “okay i heard that, i want ONE THING itll be okay”. so i say “can i get a spicy chicken nugget” and he says something and i dont want to go back and forth so i just tell him straight up that his audio is super quiet.

silence

“ᵇˡᵃʰ ᵇˡᵃʰ ᵇˡᵃʰ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵒʳᵈᵉʳ?”

MCSCUSE ME?? WHAT?

BUT I DIDN’T WANNA KEEP GOING BACK AND FORTH AND I HEARD THE WILL THAT COMPLETE YOUR ORDER AND I SAID YEA. (that’s on me)

i didn’t think much and then i pull up to the window she says 23 something (which i don’t think much of cause everything is so expensive and i just didn’t register how much that was) and when i hand her the cash she gives me AN ORANGE HI-C WHERES MY FUCKIBG COKE? HOW DOES THAT SOUND LIKE HI-C ? RAHHHHH.

so i just ask tell her “sorry this isn’t my drink” and she looks at me like im crazy. and she repeats the order with like THREE EXTRA FUCKIG BURGERS **AND A FUCKING FRAP**

so i obviously think ”oh it’s the order behind me or something”.
i tell her what i ordered and then SHE LOOKS AT ME LIKE IM SPEAKING SOME FOREIGN LANGUAGE AND TELLS ME “no this order is next after that last car” WELL BITCH I DIDNT ORDER THAT.

i kinda stare at her for a sec to see if she’s fr or MAYBE (there was a small rush so FINE i get it🫩) she’ll fix my order (aka just take off the extra shit AND JUST GIVE ME A COKE INSTEAD).

ANYWAYSSSSSSS UGH
so i just again stare at her for a bit and i debate just asking for my money back and leaving with nothing, which i should’ve done, but i just tell her okay it’s fine and go on my way.

i know i could’ve avoided all of this but i just wanted to EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATION DAMN

that’s all thank you for coming to my ted talk
(deleted last bit cause i phrased it wrong and i don’t wanna upset anyone!💕)

I'm confused and would love to hear what other people think. I'm almost 22, and have known I liked both men and women since probably 8 years old. Then I had a very intense friendship with another girl who was bisexual for about a year when I was 15-16. We basically were both in denial and it hurt a lot when it ended

I had my first relationship with a man from 16-18 which ended up being abusive and got cheated on. I got into another relationship a few months later that lasted for about 8 months which ended in him cheating too. Also got SA'd by both of them

There have been 3 or 4 other men I've seen over the years but even if they seem "perfect" it never feels right and always feels like something is missing. I don't want them to meet my family or friends, and I don't want to do things for them even if it's something small. Then it ends because either I don't care enough so they end it, or I can't see a future with them so I end it. I have so much more patience with women, I want to spend time with them, do things for them, and other things I don't really feel for men

I think the last couple years I have started to realize that I crave validation from men and would put up with them even if I didn't really like them for the sake of feeling wanted. I have never been able to picture myself spending my life with a man but I can with a woman. And whenever I have slept with men I always feel bad and sort of empty afterward, even when we were in a relationship :(

What I struggle with is the thought process of "am I bi and just resent men from what I've been through bc of them and haven't found the "right one" yet or am I just lesbian and dealing with comphet?" Whenever I get to know a man it feels so shallow but with women I want to really know them and I'm not focused on changing myself to make them like me

I know I don't HAVE to label myself but I'm curious about other people's thoughts from an outside view on if I seem bisexual or just painfully unaware that I'm lesbian

Chicken and tomato + cucumber + basil salad

French onion pastina for dinner

Since my husband has been away for work, I’ve had issues driving the truck, even had accident the day he left. Almost two months in, he’s coming back in a couple days and I finally felt comfortable and confident getting around, and well shit, gotta wash the truck because she’s NASTY

I went to the self wash because I thought it would be cheaper and faster as everyone in town wanted to use the drive through. I pulled in, swiped my card, and got going. I finish, and I go to stop the time, and it keeps counting. I kinda panic. I look and see a few other trucks waiting to be cleaned. But what does one do when the timer won’t stop? There’s a “stop” option to y the dial to, and I did it a couple times with no success. A couple minutes pass and idk how much it charges per minute, so I’m worried. I can’t just leave it, but people also have to wash their stuff to.

I did the only thing I could think of, and I bothered a man in his truck behind me. I waved at him, said hi, and explained that I didn’t mean to take so long but the timer wasn’t stopping, and I’ve never used this station so idk if there’s anything specific I gotta do. He said he’d get out and look at it because he didn’t know either. He turns the dial ONCE to stop and it stops. I felt like such an idiot because I literally JUST DID THAT. But hey, I asked another adult for help and it worked out. Sometimes even at the age of 26, damn near 27, you need to ask a fellow adult for help or what to do and there’s nothing wrong with that, but damn did it make me feel stupid. Dude was super understanding but omg I about died inside on the way out

Heyy,

I am not too sure where to start with this. I’m in my early 20s, and wasn’t too interested in dating till recently. I’ve seen a few guys, but recently started my first “serious” relationship. I’ve been dating him for 4 months. The thing is I keep hearing advice from everyone around me that a man should be obsessed with you otherwise he doesn’t like you enough, or you’ll end up in an unhappy relationship where I’d be doing most of the work. I’ve heard it from friends, family and even on social media.

I’ve been with a guy or two who were supposedly “obsessed” with me but they crossed some boundaries so I ended up dropping them. I look decent, my personality isn’t bad either, and over all I take good care of my self in all aspects of life so I don’t really need anyone, but the company is appreciated, otherwise I’m all goods, so once I realize something doesn’t suit me I leave before things get serious. Now I’m stuck on the “obsessed” part.
How obsessed and what’s considered healthy. I wouldn’t say my bf is obsessed, and sometimes it just feels like he’s just there. We are both very independent people, so we don’t talk much through the day and at night when we do call he is too tired so we don’t talk much. When we meet in person everything seems alright, although we don’t meet in person that often because there is a bit of a distance between us.

My girlfriends also often end up getting a bunch of thoughtful gift from people they see even before dating them and are telling me that my man needs to step his game up in either time or effort. And I am not too sure if I’m letting my feelings cloud my judgement or I’m just being a reasonable person. I also keep hearing that I am too understand towards people and that’s why they take advantage of me. I am not too sure what to consider and what not anymore so I’m looking for outside advice. Any input from anyone would be appreciated!

Edit: how can I differentiate between obsession and interest and effort?

CONTEXT: There’s a girl (17), I’ll call Mabel,  who used to be part of our friend group. I’m 18 and we are all in our last year of high school. She slowly drifted away this year, which was very welcome for most of us. She’s very full of herself and guy obsessed, she loves to start fights over literally nothing. She’s not very aware of the real world due to her upbringing and has quite different views on things than us, which aren’t usually very realistic for most people because her family is on the richer side, upper class. Additionally, most of interests don’t align with ours and it tended to be a cause for conflict when we were friends.

I’m in a group chat with two other members of our 4-person friend group (the other friend, Lily, is much closer with Mabel) and we used to use it a lot to complain about her when she was saying annoying stuff etc while in the group. now, because I’m the only person on her private story, I sometimes send them to the group chat just because we’re laughing at her audacity usually. The most recent one was of her and this other girl, Madeline, that nearly everyone in our year level hates (said racist, ableist, sexist things, very loud and annoying) celebrating that they were both going to see a musician that the whole group hates because he’s a weirdo, so sent I it to the gc. Also, Madeline used to be in our group too but she was really annoying and weird, (kept making “I’m gay for you” jokes, even though she’s the straightest person to ever live, to Lily and only stopped when I asked her to) so we asked her to leave.

PLUS, when Madeline left the friend group, she threatened to beat Mabel up for some reason, which made Mabel cry a lot and she said she was scared to go to class. So, part of the reason we laugh is that she went back on hating Madeline like she does so often after saying that she doesn’t like people.

SIDENOTE: the 3-person group chat was created by Mabel’s request because the three of us had a running joke that we would talk about which bothered her and she told us to talk about it somewhere else. She called it immature and she wished that we could have adult conversations (last year).

Back to the present, I was in a class, Mabel unfortunately still sits next to me in it, and I accidentally opened the 3-person gc instead of what I was looking for and the screenshot was there. She saw it. At lunchtime that day she messaged Lily to ask whether someone had screenshotted her story and sent it around. So, lily asked me and I said yes I did and she called me a bully etc, which I realise, I am fully aware that it is a mean thing to do but people don’t understand how annoying she is. Especially when Lily said “it’s not okay to make fun of anyone. Except for Madeline, she brings it on herself.” Which I agree that she does but that’s exactly how we feel about Mabel. It’s like she’s saying we can’t talk badly about Mabel just because Lily likes her.

Later that day I receive a text from Mabel saying, “Hey, did you screenshot my story and send it to a group chat?” so now I’m just wondering what I should do when I have class with her tomorrow, and what to say if she decides to confront me.

Ginger cookies because I can't sleep.

I've been with my BF for 8 years, living together for 6, and I can't stand him, and I can't leave. We moved in together during the pandemic and I thought it was going to be really good for a while but this whole time I've been on a transformative journey and he has just stayed exactly the same. I was dealing with all kinds of mental health issues when we met and while he doesn't really have the same problems, as I got better, I liked him less and less. As I became less depressed I realized he's not intellectually engaging or a even a decent conversationalist. He lives on autopilot and has let all his friendships fade out since we moved in together. He's a good person, grumpy at worst, he's not aggressive or misogynistic, he's just so boring that I want to tear my brain out of my skull. And the problem is, despite healing my mental/energy issues, I became physically disabled in recent years and now depend on him financially. I've been able to get back to part time minimum wage work but I will probably never be able to hold a real job again. His job and my only social connections are tied to a HCOL area and as things get more and more expensive I just don't see any way out of this. He knows that I feel this way because I have had meltdowns where I confess it all, and I feel like the biggest bitch in the world because I can't appreciate that a nice guy is willing to take care of me even though I have these feelings, but I just need so much more out of life. After the meltdowns he just acts like everything's normal and it makes me feel even more insane. Something about living with someone who knows I resent them is just too much of a mindfuck but I have no idea what else to do. I have no family and I don't know anyone else who has the means, much less the interest to take me in. I feel like I'm just expected to die because the world has no place for people who can't work to live.

I went to the Tame Impala concert this week on Wednesday at Climate Pledge and someone stole my stuff. It was my first concert of the year, and I've been doing side gigs to earn more money for family medical care. My grandma has stage 4, and I've been trying to save up to go back home (2000+ miles away) and take time off to help take care of her.

This concert was something fun I wanted to do for myself, and I had a great time honestly. I was really looking forward to it because duh it's Tame Impala. I've been a fan since 2012, and it was my first time seeing him. On top of that, I love buying merch, so of course I bought myself and my bf a shirt each, and he was gonna pay me for his after the concert.

I was dressed really cute, and I got a ton of compliments from a lot of the girlies :) I felt great dude. Because it's Seattle, it was brisk outside, so I brought my Levi's cropped jean jacket. I bought this jacket when I visited Canada earlier this year for my birthday, and it was special because it was a gift for myself. I only ever buy things for myself when it's my birthday, when I go to concerts, or if I'm looking for something specific. I'm very intentional with the things I buy.

Since I didn't want to hold my jacket and merch in my hands, I brought my compact blue Daiso bag in my venue-approved purse (I do this at most concerts and sporting events I go to). I put the two shirts and jacket in the bag, and left it under my seat throughout the concert periodically checking that it was there. I sat in the very back at the very top, so there wasn't any way someone from behind me could grab it; they would have to come from the side or from in front and that would make it SUUUUPER obvious. I usually place the handle around my ankle, but idk why I didn't this time.

I realize this was my mistake. Once the concert ended, I made it to the bottom of the first set of stairs before realizing I didn't have my Daiso bag. I IMMEDIATELY turned around and shouted at my bf, "MY BAG". My bf was still at the top of the stairs just at the end of the row of where we were sitting. He turned around, looked at my seat, and said, "It's gone". I ran to check and I felt so desperate in that moment bc I knew he wasn't lying, especially when I saw the emptiness under my seat.

I. Start. Sobbing. Idk dude, between my grandma + stressing about taking time off to take care of her + my j0b doing layoffs + my team being separated bc our fave supervisors got laid off this week, I was HURT. Couldn't catch a break this week and I just broke.

I'm trying to run back to the merch table before they close while crying, and the sweetest girl ever sees me and asked what was wrong. I told her and she gave me the merch shirt she bought :( <3 I didn't want to accept it bc I felt awful about it but she kindly insisted, so she gifted it to me. Girl I don't know your name, and I doubt you'll see this, but you're an angel and know that you made this whole experience so much better. You have no idea the impact you made 😭🌷

I know and acknowledge I messed up by forgetting my bag under my seat :/ I'm really sad about losing my Levi's jacket the most though. I'm really good about remembering my stuff, but idk, it just happened.

Dinner: homemade pizza. The dough was made two nights prior, and I decorated it with mozzarella, pepperoni, red bell peppers, Mama's Lil Peppers, pineapple, jalapeños, ricotta cheese, basil, and spinach.

Seafood boil for 1

So bit of backstory, I was on a personal journey finally coming out of the better end of a lot of trauma and ptsd, so I started losing weight, lost 20kg in 3 months! I got the dog of my dreams for my self for my birthday and on the back of that looking at getting a bigger car because we were financially stable and my little buz box is just a tad small for me, my boyfriend and my dog and alllll our camp equipment. Needless to say I feel like it was going well and I was finaly happy where we were at

Then the shit storm. On my birthday had stomach pains though nothing of it as I just got a new puppy and had a lot of food so thought it was anxiety at worst, boy was I wrong. Emergency surgery later I had gallstones that were blocking my liver and causing it to fail and my body shutting down and nearly killing me, I was in hospital for just over a week and my poor partner was at home trying to work with the velociraptor of a GSD puppy who just hit peak teething. I then had to have a second surgery as the drain tube from my previous surgery had started to fuse the muscles in my core and they had to cut it out of me.

During this surgery recovery our shower basin had cracked and we asked our landlord to fix it, they had a plumber come out and tell us that we are to not use the shower as it is causing water damage and rotting the walls and floors around it. After landlord finding this out he decided he was going to sell the Home and that we had to be out within a month and a half.
Luckily, we found a gorgeous house with a decent backyard for our puppy so we felt pretty secure and safe.

So at this point I had been away from work for at least 4 months. Because of the surgery recovery with the drain tube, then surgery to remove the drain tube and then recovery from that surgery as well as having a medical condition which delays tissue healing. Once I was able to go back to work I was so excited to feel normal after my near death experience.
My work then told me that they didn’t believe that I nearly died and that I had gone AWOL even though I provided them all of the documentation and evidence and fired me.

At this point, I have been 2 1/2 months without a job. My amazing partner has been helping me and we’ve been receiving a little bit of benefit from the government due to the fact that I was wrongly fired.
But my partner and I have been doing Uber eats on the side just to keep up with the basic necessities and bills.

But now we’re at the end and I just got hired today for a full-time job again and it’s worked from home so I can stay with my puppy. Take care of my health and fingers crossed be able to afford the new car!!!!!!

breakfast Fo dinner

i used to be a case manger at a clinic working with ppl who were primarily designated as having a “serious mental illness”

i realized on my first day that being fresh faced and ripe out of college would get in the way of ppl taking me seriously, clients and coworkers included

coworker assumed i was being paid more than them and they were shocked to find out i wasn’t (to this day i have no idea on what basis the assumptions was made)

another coworker admitted she thought i wouldn’t be a good case manager bc i presumably lacked life experience/struggle until she got to know me better and found out that i’ve “gone through stuff”

why on earth would people assume this stuff about me 😢

i know that ageism affects all of us, and the reasons are many—but i have tried to understand what made me particularly susceptible??

edit: systems in general affect us all . i have reasons to believe some of these assumptions were racially motivated lol (im asian and grew up poor but ppl have always assumed the opposite)

toast, hashbrowns, and scrambled eggs my gf made me a couple days ago.

this is a long one! sorry in advance.

so on august 25th i (21f) went to work and realized i had a sore throat. i work food service so i went to urgent care the next day to get tested for strep. a bit of amoxicillin later, my symptoms are getting WORSE, not better, so i went back to urgent care. told to sleep it off and keep taking the antibiotics.

september 1st rolls around and my tonsils are covered in white spots and are so swollen and painful that i cannot drink water, so i begrudgingly go to the emergency room. they wind up getting me on IV fluids and doing a couple tests on me, and discover that my liver is going fucking insane, so i end up admitted and stay until the afternoon of september 4th.

turns out, i have mononucleosis! so that sucks. but it also explains why i have been absolutely and utterly exhausted all the time for no discernible reason for the last month, and why the amoxicillin fucked me up. plus i had two UTIs last month and those antibiotics weakened my immune system in advance.

unfortunately, since mono is contagious for a stupid amount of time, i let my boss know that my dr has told me to stay out of work until the end of the month. i work[ed] at a VERY small business in my town, sub 25 employees (maybe 16?), and unfortunately i was a vital employee (38~ hours a week) and they just cannot leave my spot empty for me and still have a functioning business, so they had to let me go.

i understand this but i'm CRUSHED. i fucking loved this job, my coworkers were amazing and my regulars were the best parts of my day. and now i'm not sure if i'll even be able to get the job again once i recover because they already posted that they are hiring </3

(additionally, I can't get unemployment because I can't work yet, therefore can't apply to jobs. so money issues too! hooray!)

i've also been having some relationship issues partially bc of mono. my lovely gf (also 21f) is upset that i never want to go anywhere or do anything (we went on a 3 mile walk today but i digress, she was right about most of it). i've just been ill and depressed and i dont have the energy to shower most days.

i know she is frustrated with me, but i don't want to be like this either. i love her and i would never want to lose her, but i don't know how to counterbalance my utter exhaustion with her love of adventure. i love going out and doing things most of the time, i just have not been up to it recently :( the fatigue is bone deep. i just want to rot most of the time, which isn't healthy for me. we had a good talk tonight, i'm just sad about the job and its bleeding into this too.

thanks for reading my ramble, hope yall are having a lovely day so far

tldr: i got mono, worked at a small business and they cannot function without a member of staff like this, so i got let go. also my gf is sad that i dont have the energy to go out and do stuff most of the time and i feel bad about it too.

Hi I'm a F. My close guy friend and I are classmates in uni (both in our 20s). I'm a virgin, and I have been thinking about intimacy quite often lately. I was pretty repulsed by it all my life, until recently (idk what changed). I'm slightly interested in him, and knowing he told me he sees me as a friend but doesn't mind talking about the sex topic with me - and invested in who I spend time with/ which guys I talk to. He does seem a bit controlling with me, so I don't know how things will turn out if we ever become physical. I've been wondering if becoming FWB is a good idea or not, or even asking him if he wants anything physical. I'm worried about how our dynamic will be but I do want my first to be with him. Any advice, thoughts, and what should I expect to happen?

Rice, Tofu, Reheated Chicken Feet, and a Jia Duo Bao

Idk what I’m even trying to say here tbh… being a semi-closeted trans women in university but unable to fully commit to transitioning because your transphobic parents are the only thing keeping you financially stable while you go through a major you hate because said parents also want to have a hand in everything you do because they feel you am simply a puppet for their accomplishments is not a fun time.

It’s not like I’ve done bad in school, I’ve always done well and from a purely numbers perspective I am still doing quite well in my classes and stuff, but under the hood I’ve been feeling like I’m constantly behind and I feel like I don’t understand anything, but rather that I am simply a machine that spits out equations and facts for exams and homework. Also doesn’t help that I’ve been relying more and more on AI (I hate myself for using it to be honest) as I become more and more tired of simply existing.

It’s also not like I’m socially doing bad either I have friends who know the real me, I go to play card games often at my local games store with the regulars, and an amazing and lovely boyfriend that makes the world feel okay while I’m with him, but whenever I’m not a wave of lethargy just kinda washes over me and I lose all motivation to do anything or want to be anything. I just kind of hate myself and wish that I could do more because I could be doing more, I have a million personal projects and art stuff that I genuinely love and want to work on but whenever I think about actually working on them I just feel so so tired.

I know the solutions to my problems, study more, work on my art, do some part time jobs to make money to become financially independent, actually work out so I can get the body I want, stop finding dopamine in stupid little cardboard games and do something with my life. But I’m just so tired and everything is so daunting and I really really didn’t expect to live this long and I don’t know exactly how much longer
I can keep doing this until something gives but I’m also just a lazy bum who can’t get out of bed on time most days and lose all my energy doing a singular task that could be done far more quickly by a normal person. I’ve been told by people that I might have depression or some neurodivergent thing or whatever but I don’t get how that is supposed to change the fact that I’m a loser who is barely functioning through her life.

On the other hand tofu is really good…

[Dinner- Ground beef cooked in soy sauce, chili oil, a lil bit of chicken bouillon paste, minced garlic, and onion powder. Mixed with rice and green onion.] My favorite go-to.

Sometimes I need to remind myself to be grateful.

I’ve been mostly housebound and glued to the couch due to my baby only ever wanting contact naps and breastfeeding. I don’t make enough milk to pump so I don’t really get breaks. We also lost one of our vehicles to my in-laws (LONG story) and my husband works 12 hour shifts with a 45 minute commute, so he’s gone close to 14 hours a day with the car. I recently found out I have POTS as well… yay… and have been dealing with killer headaches, weakness, and regular air hunger. My apartment is messy and my husband’s dog sheds like crazy so my allergies are killing me. We also live second story so taking her out while carrying my wiggly goober girl (she HATES carriers) is a trial. It can get exhausting shouldering everything on my own without consistent or even frequent help. My old friend group ditched me after I got pregnant and couldn’t do our regular activities. My best friends are super busy with their own lives and I rarely get to see them. The economy is buns. I have a pimple on my eyebrow. My Reddit screentime borders incel levels.

That being said, I have a chunky, healthy baby girl who loves me and whose smile is so big it takes up half her beautiful drooly face. I have a husband who works his sexy ass off to take care of us and we can afford to be somewhat comfortable. He brings me treats and lets me be silly without judgment even when I’m saying crude things in the voice of an old man. He knows when to apologize and is a bomb ass eater who acts like I have the fattest ass in the South. My family helps when they can, my sister lives with us and helps when she’s not working doubles. My mom hypes me up and listens to me cry, then reminds me I’m not a failure. My best friends give me free tattoos and bring me wonton soup when I do get to see their lovely faces. All of my issues are temporary and I’ll be better after getting through them. A lot of the days lately have been bad, but not all.

Keep your heads up beautiful ladies. You too, lurker dudes.

Sausage gnocchi bake with spinach and mozzarella

I need advice/to vent… or someone to tell me I’m overthinking.

The time line might be hard to follow but I will do my best.

My girlfriend (we will call her G) and I have been together since last October (2026). Our relationship started kind of strange. We met at work in April of 2023 and hit it off, but she was already in a relationship and living with S. They were in an open relationship, and S gave G and I permission to peruse a relationship.

Because of our circumstances at the time (family stuff, lack of time, etc.) we were never official. However, we were VERY involved with each other the entire time before we officially became girlfriends (three entire years). I fell for her hard and fast and it was the same for her. G and S broke up towards the end of 2023 (I think in September), shortly after I came into the picture. It was messy and I felt guilty but that’s how things panned out. S didn’t move out immediately so they were still living together.

I was always under the impression that they were completely over.

G has been an amazing friend (and now girlfriend) to me the entire time I’ve known her. I haven’t always been the best but she has stuck with me the entire time. She makes me feel beautiful and loved and cared for.

S moved out of G’s house at the end of 2024, but didn’t take all of her belongings.

G and I moved in together and started officially dating in October 2026.

Things were really great for a long time. We make a really good pair.

Last month we moved the rest of S’ stuff into a storage unit. Ever since then my thoughts have been spiraling. I don’t know why it’s happening but I started to become super insecure and was projecting that onto our relationship. In the last week or so I have been fixated on S and G’s relationship even tho it has been long over. Was S more fun than me? Does she have a better personality? Did they go on more dates? Are there things I do or don’t do that S did and does G miss them/her? If it weren’t for me would they still be together?

G never did anything to make me think these things, it was purely in my own head.

Earlier tonight I let my thoughts get the best of me and once G was asleep, I went through her phone. She is a great gf and of course I didn’t find anything from since I moved in. But I couldn’t help myself and I kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. And then I saw the messages. The messages were from April 2024. G and S sending each other inappropriate images. Some of which G had also sent to me.

I don’t know why it hurt me so badly. Her and I weren’t officially together, we never had the exclusivity conversation and I never asked anything like that of her. But it still really hurts. They had been broken up for nearly a year already and the way that G talked about S I never thought that was even a possibility. I’m also hurt that G never told me her and S continued on a physical relationship. It wouldn’t have changed anything for me but it would have been nice to know.

I love G more than anything in the world and now I’m scared that I feel more strongly for her than she does for me.

I feel so incredibly guilty for going through her phone and violating her privacy and her trust. I cannot get those messages out of my mind.

Do I tell her what I did? Should I tell her directly I’m feeling insecure and ask further details about her relationship with S?

I don’t know what to do but I am full of guilt and I know I won’t be able to get this out of my mind for a long time. I don’t want my relationship with G to suffer and I don’t want her to see me in a different light.

Am I overthinking? Or should I say something?

Something else to add: S messaged G the other day randomly about something random and mundane. G immediately came to me and told me what was said and asked if in the future I wanted to know when and what S messaged her.

I (33F) have a close friend (36F) who is currently trying to get pregnant but is having difficulties. I’ve been very supportive of her and have told her that I genuinely hope it works out, even though I’m aware that our friendship might change or we might grow apart if she has a baby.

I don’t want children myself. I have schizoaffective disorder, and I don’t want to risk passing that vulnerability on to a child. I also don’t think I could currently take care of children in the way I would want to, and I’m not financially stable enough to have them. Beyond that, I’ve realized over the years that I simply don’t want to be a mother. A lot of my previous desire to have children came from societal pressure and the feeling that having a family was something I was “supposed” to want.

I shared some of this with my friend, and afterward she stopped replying to my texts. When I eventually asked why she was ignoring me, she told me that what I had said made her feel judged for trying to have a baby.

This really bothered me because about six years ago, I was in a very different place. At the time, I was grieving the possibility that I might never have children. When I talked to her about that grief, she laughed on the phone and told me that wanting children wasn’t very feminist. Instead of just letting me be sad, she intellectualized my feelings and turned them into a discussion about feminism.

I’m in a different place now. I’ve come to the conclusion that remaining childfree is the right decision for me, for personal, practical, and ethical reasons. But I feel like I now have to avoid talking about my own feelings and reasons for being childfree because she interprets them as criticism of her decision to try for a baby.

That feels unfair to me. Six years ago, she actually did judge my desire to have children. I’m not judging her for wanting them now. I’ve explicitly told her that I hope she gets pregnant and that I want her to be happy. My reasons for not having children are about my own life, not hers.

Another thing that bothered me was a conversation we had about friendships changing after someone becomes a parent. I said that childfree women and mothers often drift apart because their lives become very different. She responded that this is usually only during the first few years because young children require so much attention, and that once the kids are older, you can reconnect.

But I don’t really want a friendship where I’m expected to accept being put on the back burner for years and then “reconnect” eventually. I understand that children naturally become a parent’s priority, and I wouldn’t expect otherwise. But I also feel like I’m allowed to want consistency and reciprocity in my close friendships.

At this point, I’m starting to feel like her having a baby would probably mean the end of our friendship, or at least the friendship as I know it. I also feel resentful that I’m expected to be supportive of her choices while apparently having to censor how I talk about my own.

It all just sucks, we‘ve been close friends since I was 16 and she is slowly slipping away.

Dinner: Tarte flambée with creme fraiche, figs, onions, goat cheese, grapes and walnuts

after 2 months of looking for a job, i finally found one. i moved from the u.s. to canada to marry my husband, i haven’t worked for over a year now since the immigration process was a bit longer than i thought. i honestly got so used to being unemployed. like yeah i felt bad about myself for not working but i had an excuse. now there is no excuse🫠 god i wish i could be unemployed forever. my husband and i agreed that once we start having kids, ill most likely stop working. which is what i want too, but right now i need to build somewhat of a career before kids. i have almost 3 years of working experience in my field as a 24 year old, but i basically lost one year of it due to the move.

i’ve kinda become socially awkward again, i have a harder time looking people in the eye when im talking to them… its so weird because this is how i used to be in high school. i guess ive been a hermit this past year, everywhere i go i usually have my husband or the one friend i made being here (through reddit). i never really got used to the outside alone. it sounds so loser-ish now that im typing this out.

my job is with children and their families, its gonna require a lot of energy and focus and socializing. so i need to lock in and just do it. i dont wanna mess up my first job here. i wanna at least last 5 months at this job so it can look good on my resume.

I’m 6 months pregnant with a 1.5 year old so obviously bathroom privacy isn’t a realistic thing with him. I don’t mind my toddler being there he’s just running around being a baby. My problem is because my toddler doesn’t let me keep the door closed my husband thinks he can just come in too and always does. Comes in and asks “what are you doing?” I’m like wishing I could go to the bathroom without the entire family in the room🫠. I’m so shy when it comes to the bathroom and he knows this and going 6 months pregnant is really not a great time to have multiple people in the bathroom. It’s every time. I often lose my chill when this happens and tell everyone to get out because I’m then overwhelmed. Then when he goes to the bathroom he doesn’t want to close the door but also wants our toddler no where near him and calls me to come get the baby. “BABE can you come get him I’m going to the bathroom!”. This gets very inconvenient he’s In there multiple times a day and I’m supposed to just drop what I’m doing and hold the baby while he goes for who knows how long. I’m like ? Just shut the door before you go if it’s a problem I don’t understand? If the door is open my toddler fights me to get in there the whole time he’s in the bathroom which can be 30+ mins with men. Then I’m frustrated so the daily bathroom trips are really stressing me right now 😂. I know it’s silly and a small thing but just wondering if anyone else struggles w this lack of bathroom boundaries with their partners? What would he do if I wasn’t here ? Why are men so incapable sometimes of doing simple things with the baby around it kind of blows my mind.
My dinner pictured is a homemade gluten free white sauce pepperoni pizza.❤️

This has been hitting me like a ton of bricks. Last year I got out if a toxic long term relationship where sex felt forced and I never really enjoyed myself. We finally broke up, and I started dating my current boyfriend who completely changed the game for me. I felt sexy, sex was fun and different, and I went from considering myself asexual to embracing sex again. Fast forward to right before Christmas, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at the age of 29. Additionally, about once a month I would develop a bartholin gland cyst (a cyst the size of a clementine at the opening of my vagina) which made sex difficult when it popped up. So I go into surgery, and in addition to a total hysterectomy, my entire bartholin gland on the left side is removed to prevent more cysts from coming up.

I was plunged into medical menopause with no hope of HRT due to my type of cancer, not even an estrogen cream to help my dryness. The bartholin gland healed weird, and now it literally feels like sandpaper on an open wound when I attempt sex.

My boyfriend has been absolutely amazing, and he often emphasizes doing other things to be intimate, never pressuring me and backing off immediately if I get uncomfortable, but I'm so in my head about not being able to have the sex we used to that I'm getting in my own way of enjoying anything else. I'm looking for a sex therapist as well as a cancer specific group therapy to try and work on my mental health surrounding everything, because I'm pretty sure it traumatized me.

I'm currently over halfway through pelvic floor PT, using a pelvic wand several times a week, doing reverse kegels and progressive muscle relaxation daily, and using an internal vaginal moisturizer and externally moisturizing. I know it really hasn't been long, but it truly feels like I'll never be able to have vaginal sex again and it's making me feel completely hopeless, especially considering I was finally having fun again.

If anybody has dealt with anything similar, or has any advice or whatever, I'm open to trying almost anything to try and get back to the way it was before my surgeries. I'm desperate to feel the way I felt again 💔

Dinner is steak tacos with poblano, avocado, onions, and cilantro