I became a single mom today

[u/scoobydoo897]

Today was the day it happened. The father or my child (15 months) has had a drinking problem since a long time but I didn’t know! I only found out about halfway through the pregnancy when he came home drunk one day and called me “fucking slut”. He didn’t remember the next day. There has been so many occasions of this man getting drunk and ruining things between us. He promised to stop drinking as the baby was born but that didn’t last long. He would get drunk when I would step out to go to the grocery store and while he was in charge of our child. She was only 2-5 months at the time.

His drinking problem has continued but not as often. He went to his first AA meeting a few days ago.. it gave me hope. But today my child was playing and putting the toys in dad’s work-backpack and as I was taking those out, I see several bags of cocaine. MY CHILD COULD HAVE GRABBED THOSE AND IT COULD HAVE ENDED VERY BADLY.

I asked him to leave. I am now a single mom. I used to be so scared of this. It was one of my biggest fears but now I can’t help but to feel proud of myself for making the decision that will keep my daughter safe.

Dinner: avocado toast from the other day because no dinner today. I can’t eat rn.. better days ahead

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[u/kstoops2conquer]

As the adult child of an alcoholic: good job.

If you need support, al-anon is there for you. You aren’t alone.

[u/BidAgitated7089 → u/kstoops2conquer]

This. Support with groups like al-anon are wonderful, helped me with the isolation of early single-parenting.

Safety is a non-negotiable! You are strong and you are not alone. You’re fighting the good fight, don’t look back mama! 💪❤️

[u/Wonderful_Doubt3463 → u/BidAgitated7089]

Thank you everyone, your words mean the world to me during this hard time.

[u/switchienori → u/BidAgitated7089]

Thank you so much. Hearing this from someone who’s lived through it truly means everything to me.

[u/ambigua → u/kstoops2conquer]

Your child will have a far better life because you put them first,

[u/ZealousidealOne7711 → u/ambigua]

Taking it one day at a time, but keeping my daughter safe comes first.

[u/forensicfeline12 → u/kstoops2conquer]

I have a friend going through the same situation as OP and she’s working the steps of al-anon. She is completely mind blown how supportive and eye opening it has been.

[u/_jamesbaxter → u/kstoops2conquer]

There’s also a fellowship called Adult Children of Alcoholics! I’m in it, it’s the best program I’ve ever been in and I’ve been to several including Alanon. One of the traits includes “we either become alcoholics, marry them, or both” ACA has really helped me.

[u/Dogwillhaveitsday → u/_jamesbaxter]

Nope, didn't do either. I don't drink and I didn't date or now marry a man who did. I dealt with dad's problem for years. I drew the line when I left home.

[u/Big-Constant-7289 → u/kstoops2conquer]

There are online family of addict/al-anon forums too, if you have a hard time finding/getting to meetings. They were a lifesaver for me. It’s been 13 years now I think? And we (my kid and I) are good! Your safety and the safety of your baby are the #1 priority.

[u/Just_Elk_1185 → u/kstoops2conquer]

As a parent of an adult child who is an addict I concur. He hates me because I could no longer sit by and watch him destroy people's lives. Al-anon is incredible

[u/Dark-Lillith]

Congrats on making the hardest decision with the best in mind for you and your baby.

[u/donya-dark → u/Dark-Lillith]

YES!!! I had a similar situation... My oldest child's dad would leave them sleeping in the crib to drink and go score coke while I was working night shift... So many people around me KNEW and didn't say ANYTHING!! I had one coworker that I used to socialize with who told me that she had overheard some concerning things about him in a passing conversation - and was the ONLY person who spoke up. I will forever be in debt to her, she saved our lives! ♥️♥️♥️ You are doing a DAMN good thing by leaving. My kid has no regrets about my leaving and doesn't really even acknowledge him. They want for nothing and have had really healthy relationships and friendships in their life. Ironically we remain very close to his family who has been great at respecting safety boundaries and never leaving them alone together. My kid chose not to have a relationship with their dad, but remains close one with cousins, grandparents & uncle/aunt. My kid is a fantastic adult and college graduate now. You GOT this!!!!! *If you are worried about custody - offer to take a same day drug test and ask him to do the same thing to prove safety for parenting. He refused to test (and was likely high in court) and I got full physical custody immediately. Best of luck OP, you are being the best mom possible for your kid!!!

[u/fostaglosta]

Ouch. Good choice mom. U csnt endanger your child nor yourself. It only goes downhill from there.

[u/Truly_135]

It’s hard to be in a relationship with an addict. I’m sorry you went through this. Getting out is brave. Hugs.

[u/Oh_Kerms]

Thank you for being brave and making this decision for both your child and yourself.

My mother made the mistake of staying. I get it. But it left us all worse for wear. Better days ahead 🫂

[u/knopflove]

Good job being brave enough to get you and your child out of that situation. Better days ahead, indeed.

[u/celestialastrid101]

Go you! You got this mama! Sending hugs 🫶🏽

[u/Agitated-Bakery717]

You did the best thing you could have possibly done, and also one of the hardest. I had to witness my father’s addiction as a child and the amount of therapy I’ve had to do to even process that shit has cost me so much money. I’m so proud of you, your child is so lucky to have you looking out for their best interests ❤️

[u/myextrausername]

This is not only possession but child endangerment. Police report ASAP so it’s on record if he tries to get part time custody (he could start seeing someone else and try this, or get temporarily sober and try this). Get documentation for your child’s future safety.

[u/kkpossible → u/myextrausername]

Yes, take pictures or any kind of documentation like text messages admitting/apologizing for it. You will want the police report and any proof for custody when that comes up.

[u/ashbash-25]

Hi. I just wanted you to know that I’m proud of you and you’re not alone. DM me if you need to chat. I’m right there with you. Onwards and upwards, my friend!

[u/greysky7]

Dude joining. Have been sober for 19 years and people do change, but just wanted to let you know that AA has a roughly 2-10% success rate when you include everyone who goes to a first meeting.

I.e. It's super unlikely he'll ever get it together. Handling addicts is insanely difficult and as others have said you might find some help for yourself through Alanon.

[u/MoreCanadianThanYou]

You will give yourself and your child a good life. As the child of a really bad alcoholic, I am SO PROUD OF YOU.

[u/MatriarchEnergy]

Wishing you all the best. You did the right thing, and it will get easier. You should definitely be proud!!

[u/Odd_Beginning536]

That is incredibly brave and I’m so happy you left. I have an ex who abused alcohol and it was awful. He would yell or act out and then say he was sorry the next day and when I was young I believed it. I was naive. He would act all teary and say he didn’t mean to do or say something and wouldn’t ever again. He did it again. And again. I did fall in love with him so it was hard to leave because I thought he really loved me and I loved him and it would get better. It was an illusion. You did yourself and your baby such a great thing- I’m so glad that you sound happy and confident!

[u/xj9_333]

i can’t imagine how hard that must have been, but you made the right decision💖coke and alcohol is a horrific mix, you did great by your daughter by getting her out of that situation

[u/DJ_DontCare → u/xj9_333]

Horrific mix is right. Very common verbal and physical abuse on that combo. Extreme agitation and aggression.

Also, when my addict ex and I went to therapy the therapist was very concerned about that combo and said it’s one of the most difficult to quit bc those substances together create a substance compound that is even more addictive and he hadn’t seen hardly anyone actually recover from that.

[u/DJ_DontCare → u/DJ_DontCare]

When it was just alcohol my ex admitted to the therapist thought the situation was workable. After that he advised us that we go our separate ways until my ex got intensive treatment which did not last.

[u/LowBoring8867]

first of all: love the toast!

secondly: im glad you let him off his merry way for the sake of your child. hopefully you can move quick from this and focus on the future ahead. stay safe!

[u/CarefulOpposite2933]

Proud of you! Knowing you're doing right by your child and yourself should definitely make this hard choice a little less scary. You deserve to feel powerful. Wishing you and your little all the best!

[u/MysteriousSecretGuru]

Congratulations. I can only imagine what you are going through but you should be proud. The best choice for you and your child.

Sending you positive vibes your way.

[u/tattoosandtens]

Congrats on your 200lb dead weight loss

[u/bumblebaytuna4]

You should be SO proud. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as a mom.

[u/Choice-Track-9184]

So sorry. You made the best decision.

[u/pinkpains]

I’m proud of you and one day your future self will look back at your and say, you did it honey! Sending you internet hugs and just know, better days are coming 💖✨

[u/hegu-heyyou]

Deciding to leave must give you so much peace. I’m sorry it got that bad but you and your baby are on a better path.

[u/astralwish1]

You made the right choice. A “man” who prioritizes his vices over his family has no business being a parent. You’re much better off without him.

Your little girl will thank you someday.

[u/Ok_Resolution_5537]

Hey! I just want you to know you’re not alone. I left for the very same reason when my daughter was 6 mo. Alcoholism, which I was aware of and cocaine use that I wasn’t initially aware of. I felt it was the only way to keep my sanity and her safety. She’s turning 18 soon and overall I never regretted leaving one bit.
My best advice is to take things one day at a time, lean on your support systems, family, friends, etc. Before you know it, she’ll be all grown up and will understand that you left because you love her and wanted the best for her.

[u/happywhore12]

As a single mom myself who is now in a court battle with my ex, make sure to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! It will help you in the long run when he eventually try’s to fight you for custody. Seeing how he has willingly put your child in danger multiple times, documenting will help you prove why he shouldn’t have unsupervised visitation until he receives proper help.

[u/IronicallyIconic123]

As someone who grew up with an alcoholic for a “father” and a woman who would rather be with him than lonely for a “mother”, thank you so much for choosing your child over a man!
You already said it, better days ahead! :)

[u/amber0412]

You did the best thing for you and your baby. Speaking from experience. Stay strong. You've got this, mama.

[u/Lilith-Sky14]

Good for you girly, I also had to deal with this after my daughter was born- it won’t get better unless they actually go cold turkey and completely stop drinking. The pattern will just repeat. You are a strong woman! He also told me I wouldn’t find someone else, and I’m happily married to another person who loves my daughter!

[u/Quierta]

Holy shit, that escalated. Leaving immediately was the RIGHT decision and I'm proud of you for making it even though it's such a terrifying one. I'm certain it would be MORE terrifying to stay in that space, because if you found that in his truck... I assume things are going to get much worse from here.

Wishing you and your baby well, good job for standing firm!!

[u/Commercial-Spray3192]

You did a great thing. I hope you are taking legal steps to prevent him from
having any custody of your child.

[u/CoyoteMother666]

As a single mum who left a really unsafe marriage, and eventually found a healthy and safe relationship with someone who loves and takes great care with my kiddo:

I’m rooting for you so loud!!! You and your family deserve better than that…much better. I’m glad you got out.

Document everything, lawyer up and get a plan in place.

[u/No_Contribution1747]

He needs professional help. You need to take care of your child. You made the correct choice, happy for you and baby.

[u/Common_Ad_7610]

You are a bad ass my friend. Someday you kiddo will know just how you brave you are.

[u/sloopaa]

You go girl 💪

[u/daeighsea]

i’m so sorry you’re going through this 💔 what does your support system look like? I hope you’re okay, wishing you the best

[u/LittleBirdiesCards]

You made the right choice. Keep moving forward.

[u/whateveryomamasays]

congrats on the big choice mama!! this starts the day of your new life. big changes but very proud of you for your future and your babies!!

[u/ButteryOpossum]

I'm was a single mom to 2 toddlers twenty years ago. Its terrifying and relieving simultaneously. Clearly you have your daughter's best interest in mind, and truly that is all that matters.

Good for you momma, I promise you, it's going to be hard, but b it's going to be ok.

[u/ButtonSimple]

Good job, momma. I’m so glad you are at peace with it. I know how hard that is. ♥️

[u/Mystic_Wunder]

Congratulations! You're life is going to be so much more peaceful. You can do this!

[u/Hot_Coffee_3620]

I was a single mom at 16. I made it and so will you. Forward we go.

[u/placeofnunka]

This post is my sign. My husband just passed out drunk the second night in a row and I’m fed up. Will be joining you in the single mom club expeditiously.

[u/wishingforarainyday]

Report this so it is documented for custody. He’s not a safe person to be around your child.

[u/anonanon7481]

Are you married to him? If not then thank god

[u/Quiet_Inevitable2249]

You can do it! Be strong 😊

[u/KangarooOld7429]

I am so proud of you!!

[u/stinkyfunkincar]

Wow. I’m incredibly impressed and proud of you for making that decision so quickly. You did the right thing, because you’re absolutely right. Your child could have gotten that cocaine and instead of a single mother you’d be a mourning mother. Your child deserves safety and stability, as do you 🩷

[u/UglyLittlePony69]

Oh it’s so heartbreaking to have to make that choice but you 100% made the right choice putting your baby first. That could have ended tragically and I’m really happy it didn’t. May he find his rock bottom soon so he can get the help he desperately needs.

[u/sohcordohc]

You finally made the right choice for you and your daughter..you gave him substantial time, Grace periods, and support. He knew what a risk it was jusy drinking let alone mixing coke into it..and letting it on the ground. You could’ve lost your baby and been in jail. Go start new, find your happiness again, and enjoy your little one. Good luck, stay safe and don’t let that man back into your baby’s life, he’s an addict.

[u/EhEmSee2]

Good for you. I hope your child grows up and knows what an awesome mom they have. I'm grateful to hear that you realized he wasn't going to change.

[u/IcyCantaloupe7004]

You did the right thing by protecting your child.

[u/Lissypooh628]

I’m proud of you.

I was scared to end mine too. That was 11 years ago. Best thing I could have done for my son and I. You’ll be ok.

[u/blastendedskanks]

You made the best call. He's shown his true colors. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[u/National-Turnover501]

Wishing you strength, courage and peace.

[u/sanecypher]

what you have done takes courage and clarity. to have a parent like you is a gift that your child will appreciate years down the line. I hope you find your people, I hope you are surrounded by those who love and support you, and I pray better days come soon!!

[u/Next-Durian-190]

You are so brave and incredible and your child is beyond lucky to have you!

[u/LeatherRecord2142]

Great job! Get some support from Al-Anon so you don’t repeat mistakes in the future and attract a healthier person as your next partner. I’m so proud of you!!!!

[u/Leptokurtosis-862]

I am sorry but I am also very proud of you. Yes, better days ahead

[u/Thin_Purple_1787]

https://giphy.com/gifs/GSqcbeVR4H3qMPu6so

[u/lifetimechronicles]

File a police report.

[u/Hour_Aardvark751]

Well done you. You have got this!

[u/Academic_Walk]

I’m so proud of you for sticking up for yourself and your child. My bio dad had a heroin problem. My mom divorced him when I was 2.5. He wasn’t a good person and abused my siblings and my mom. I’m grateful to have been raised by my mom and not further put in harms way by my father. You are strong and capable and I’m sending you love.

[u/futurenurse_]

You made the right choice.

[u/DroidsInOuterspace]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that but you made the right choice and protected your kid - you're a good mom!

[u/Royceag]

Several bags of coke- is he dealing?

[u/Mystepchildsucksass]

Phenomenal Job, MUMMA !!

Thank god your baby girl has you to protect her. And the fact that you were fast and hard with your decision separates you from his poor choices …. Like, if CPS is ever involved, you’ll be in the clear for getting her AND you to safety. 12/10 stars !!

[u/ShakesDontBreak]

Good for you babe. I wish I did it sooner. But here we both are. Free.

Babe, the world is your oyster. Throw some hot sauce on it and bon temps boo.

[u/PhDRN]

Be proud of yourself. You protected your child and yourself. Reach out to your friends and family for support. ❌⭕️

[u/yorkiemom68]

Congratulations! I’m proud of you. I did this 26 years ago with a 2 and 5 year old. Was it hard at times? Yes! But the rewards were so great. I know they had a better life because of it. He became an absent father because of drugs and alcohol and later died from it. My kids and I are very close! Best wishes!

[u/TaxDense1339]

You were already a single mom, now you just don't live with an addict. It isn't easy, but you did the right thing protecting yourself and your LO. 🫂

[u/PriceHot4595]

Not a lawyer BUT Please please do right by your child and file for child support NOW. He can make your life miserable with this back and forth. Once a hearing is scheduled, go to it and hold firm. A judgement will start the clock on his documented responsibilities. You might be a “single mom” but you didn’t create a baby by yourself.

[u/and_off_she_fucked]

Wait, like... multiple bags of cocaine? Not little baggies? Full-on bags?

[u/kkei09]

Good for you! I knew mine was an alcoholic and swore he just needed MORE love. 🤣😭😭 gah.

Anyways, congrats!!

[u/SKTTCHY02]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BBJUdAL4qi40UGfIUp

[u/sun_moon_spit]

I'm so sorry you are going through that but that dinner looks bomb AF

[u/aimlessponder]

Raised by a single mom - life is better without a dad than with a bad one. You got this!

[u/lightnoheat]

Thank you for doing for yourself and your child. At least one person here has mentioned Al-Anon. I'll add my hopes that you give it a try. Al-Anon meetings were good support for me when I didn't want to talk about stuff to people who didn't understand.

[u/MissCoppelia]

Cocaine??? Holy moly

[u/Golden_too]

good for you for protecting yourself and your child, you're so strong momma 🫂🫶

[u/Sneakerkeeper123]

Congratulations!

I know how hard it is. I did this 17 years ago with a 9 month old and almost 3 year old.

It really is the best thing for you and your child.

[u/Good-Barracuda-3686]

rooting for you and kiddo. i'm sorry you're dealing with this love.

[u/DaenerysStoreBought]

Girl I’m literally going through the same thing becoming a single mum within the last few weeks. Different reasons to yours. I have 2 kids. Message me if you want x

[u/cosmicheartbeat]

That was obviously such a difficult choice to make, but you made it for your child's sake. Im so proud of you, and I hope that the path you walk becomes easier with every step. Thank you for choosing your kid over your fears, so many dont and tbe child always suffers for it. Good for you.

[u/Medical_Rutabaga1467]

You should feel so proud, you did the right thing for you and your babies future!

[u/Practical_Help8189]

You did well

[u/Wjreky]

You're going to be so proud of yourself for standing behind your boundaries. Good for you ❤️

My question for you, tho, is what is on top of your avocado toast? Is that a pesto stuffed egg? Or a ball of mozzarella? What are the red slices?

[u/Content-Honeydew9340]

As the adult daughter of an addict 😭 thank you for putting your child first 💖

[u/Sarsmustend]

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this 🫂. As a woman who became a single mom 7 years ago, you’ll get used to it, I dare say you’d have less people to care for now. Someone told me something years ago, there’s a high chance of becoming a single parent is you’re having a child with a man.

[u/MulliganPlsThx]

You’re the heroine of your and your daughter’s lives ❤️

[u/AEtherBunE150]

Dude: been there. It will be the most freeing experience of your life. No more questioning your reality, no conflicting behaviors or instructions between parents. I am so proud of you too! DM anytime. You just gave yourself the best gift even though it does not feel like it at this moment. Let your elders (women who have been in this exact situation support you. You are not alone and your daughter will thrive due to your sane choice). Hurray for you!

[u/InvestigatorLocal832]

I have neighbors that should break up because of this exact reason. Good for you. You are strong! You are brave.

[u/DJ_DontCare]

The alcohol + coke combo is definitely what made him come home and lash out. Realistically he is also cheating (very likely w/ sex workers) check the $ and get tested.

Abuse generally starts towards partner when the shame of cheating/other women are involved. It’s a way to absolve themselves of guilt. If you are a ‘slut’ he’s (in his mind) justified. Picking the fights also creates distance and allows for more time away to get high and have sex elsewhere.

Although I’m not 100%. I lived it and now work in the DV space and honestly most cases have provable cheating present and started around the time verbal abuse and substance abuse started then often leads to physical (first signs breaking things, slamming doors etc) Also, no one is using cocaine by themselves.

I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m glad you are leaving before it all gets so so much worse.

[u/marie_elyseee]

You are a great mom ❤️

[u/serotonins_voice]

I'm so sorry that your life will be undoubtedly harder for awhile as you're figuring out single mom life while grieving your relationship, but this random internet stranger is so proud of you for doing the right thing for your child.

I wish you all the best, and much love to you and your baby 🫶🏻

[u/Tetriana]

I can’t help but to feel proud of myself for making the decision that will keep my daughter safe.

Well done, Mama. Don't look back. ❤️

[u/pptual_arstd_dvlpmnt]

Proud of you ❤️ you got this mamma 💪

[u/Hot_Occasion_7400]

Congratulations to you and your baby girl! This is your first day together as a family. You two will want and need each other every day to remember what life should be about. Be sure to surround yourself with the strongest people you know. Never settle for anything less than the best for both of you.

[u/Lonely-Armadillo-869]

Probably much safer for you too. If he’s doing coke ..he’s probably buying sex too.

[u/Crit-Hit-KO]

Stay strong

[u/cherry_pop1]

Baby you need to tell the cops or have documentation about the cocaine.

[u/Pokemom3000]

As someone married to someone whose parent was an addict: good for you. This man obviously gives no fucks about his child's safety and it's better for you to do it alone than with him.

[u/Equal-Winter7819]

Honestly, being a single mum is far easier than putting up with the weight of someone dragging you down. You should be proud!

[u/Ok-Listen-8519]

Single mom here too, i wish you all the best!

[u/tuxette]

I want your sandwich.

And good for you for leaving. Your daughter is better off for this. Yes, it's scary. I don't know how things work where you live, but where I live there are pocket communities of single mothers who all support one another. And yeah, document everything. Everything.

Best wishes to you!

[u/dav3id]

Congratulations! And make certain any child sharing arrangement includes his being drug/alcohol freefor at least 24 hours prior to seeing the child and no alcohol/drugs during visits. It may require supervised visits.

[u/crispylaytex]

So proud of you 🩷

[u/Adult_in_denial]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PhR99fbNjhAAzopGnm

[u/boricuaspidey]

He was drunk and problematic all the time but you didn’t know he had a problem?

[u/PixelIsJunk]

Shoot where so you live that a meal is on the ocean?

[u/JicamaPlenty3033]

So everyone skipped over where OP wrote he was getting drunk while watching the baby....but the paraphernalia was the last straw. Im sorry, but you should have kicked him out the first time he got drunk while watching your child. This is absolutely wild to me.

[u/LeeeeroooyJEnKINSS]

https://giphy.com/gifs/U4qDadHZSQnwawnkoz

[u/spencie_am]

I’m a single parent of three young children. You’re always a single mum well before you officially are anyway. Went through a very similar experience with my ex husband being an addict. Welcome to a much more peaceful life.

[u/boundaries4546]

May I suggest you do an intense search for more cocaine, there may be some left in your car, and home.

I hope he stays far away.

[u/Strong-Wash-5378]

You can do this. All that matters is you and your baby

[u/parmaskinka]

You should stand tall and be so so proud. I am inspired by you! Good on you taking difficult and hard decisions for your child. I wish you all the strength and good things in the world

[u/Miserable-Advance789]

I can’t imagine how scary it must have been for you. Proud of you momma! You got this!