This all started in my final two months of first year university. My hair was falling out badly and I became a recluse as I felt so embarassed about my hair. I just wanted to hide all day every day.

it started with small McDonald’s orders here and there. Just a burger, fries and a Diet Pepsi for example. But I found it became weirdly addictive to order. In all seriousness it became the only thing I thought about most of the day, as it was my only form of enjoyment I had I suppose. I woke up and looked forward to the evening so I could order. I would usually order between 12am-3am when my flatmates would go out so I could sneak the takeaway in without them seeing as I was ashamed. Im a petite girl most would say - 5’3, 52kg. I never gained weight during this phase weirdly. As I ordered more and more each order would get larger. I would typically order 3 double cheeseburgers, fries, cheese bites and a frappe or dessert.

when I started doing this every day I started to feel really guilty as I was wasting my hard earned money on crappy takeout. So I started refunding my orders. when I did it once and got a full refund I realised I had a cheat code - I could get huge takeout orders all for free. So I started abusing the system. I would order takeout 5 times in one app and refund them all until I got blocked for it. So I switched to another app And did the same - Uber, just eat, deliveroo, dominos, woosh, you name it. i ran them all dry until they stopped letting me refund.

once my hair stopped falling out I started taking care of myself again and I stopped craving junk food constantly, I started cooking properly meals for myself again.

just wanted to share because looking back, it was a depressive episode but I was in denial

My partner (5 years together, 4 living together) and I are both pet people, but I've learned we relate to animals in fundamentally different ways. And honestly, this is just one example of broader incompatibilities. But it's the most concrete one I can articulate, and it's an important one.

It seemed simple: he's a cat person, and I'm a dog person. I thought we could make it work. We both appeared to accept each other's pets, and his cat and my dog ​​actually got along well. But we've never truly embraced each other's animals. I'd give his cat attention when she wanted it, but I hated dealing with her litter box and was frustrated when she scratched my furniture. And he still doesn't understand my dog ​- her specific sounds, her gestures, and generally the way dogs communicate their needs. Instead, he's fixed on her breath, commenting on it almost daily. No one else does that, and the vet has confirmed there's nothing wrong.

Then his cat got sick earlier this year. Even though she wasn't my favorite, I was the one who had to push for a vet visit. An animal who suddenly stops eating and seeking affection isn't “just under the weather.” When the cancer diagnosis came and we learned she didn't have much time, I again had to press the issue of scheduling her euthanasia. I didn't want her suffering or wandering off to die alone. He initially refused to make the appointment or even talk to me about it. And when the appointment finally happened, he didn't want my dog ​​to also be there - which left her confused and upset, wondering where the cat had gone. She kept searching the house and moped on the couch for several days.

For months now, he's been watching cat cams and cat videos. I've smiled and gone along with it, even though I don't really enjoy them. Today I finally asked if he was watching them because he felt a void. He said no, and I hope that's true. But I can't shake the feeling that he really wants another cat someday. So he needs to be with someone who wants that too. And I want someone who adores my dog, who understands dog behavior and quirks instinctively, wants another dog in the future, and doesn't love euthanasia but understands when it's necessary. 

Pets aren't a small preference. They shape your home, your routines, your lifestyle. They're part of your emotional world. And I'm seeing that our differences here aren't minor, they're foundational.  Neither of us are wrong, we're just different. But as a result, we're not interacting with one another like a cohesive family unit. We're just tolerating each other.

I don't want this.

**Real person, here. Not AI. And he's half-Mexican. This isn't robot or white people shit. And yes, the pet situation is equivalent to the Iranian yogurt. I was describing the catalyst that made me realize our general incompatibility - that was the entire point of the post. I'm just starting to process this and how I end my relationship as amicably as possible.

People in my real life tend to find this story wild, so I thought I'd share it on Reddit for strangers amusement.

Back in the day I had a medium-distance relationship with a girl I met on a dating app. The distance was only a few hours so we were meeting up all the time then spending long periods of time in each other's homes.

Things had been weird in our relationship for a bit. I thought it was the distance so we planned another visit, the visit was somehow more awkward than the calling, and I was mentally taking a big step back from the relationship to determine how I wanted to handle things next. I was torn whether I wanted to end things or try to talk them through, (again) and that's when the dog pajamas finally come into play.

One morning I get a long text from her. She said that she was totally out of money for the month, she hadn't eaten since last night as she couldn't afford food, and she was starving. She asked me for 30 dollars so she could run into the grocery store and get sandwich stuff to hold herself over till Friday. (It was Wednesday)

Our relationship was in a rough spot at this point, and to be honest I don't really have a ton of extra money to just be casually giving out. But I still felt bad for her. I don't want anyone to go hungry, much less someone I care about, so I sent her the money and went on about my day.

Later we FaceTimed like we usually did at night, and she told me that she was sorry, but that she was starving and wanted to know if I'd give her 20 dollars to order some food.

Obviously my first question was: "What happened to the money I gave you this morning?" And her answer was "Okay. I'm sorry, but after you sent me the money I decided to use it to buy my dogs a pair of pajamas instead. You need to understand, they were so cute! I just had to have them!"

This sent me over the edge. Part of the reason we were having relationship issues is because she was careless with money. She'd buy stupid unnecessary shit with her paychecks then cry and moan that she didn't have enough money to pay for the bare essentials because she spent all her money on Sims 4 packs. I had talked to her about this, but she told me that it was her money, her problems, and she could spend her money however she wanted regardless if I agreed with it or not.

But now it was my money and I was pissed, which genuinely shocked her. She was baffled that I was angry and kept validating her choice by saying "But it was cute!" as if that changed anything at all about the fact that I, a poor person, explicitly gave her money to take care of her basic needs, and she decided to use it on bullshit instead. Then she decided that needed more of my money, and that was what really made me the most upset about the whole thing. It was the entitlement to ask for even more money after blowing the cash she'd already been given. Not to mention that she was very aware of my finical situation, and very aware that I don't have endless money to give out.

So I quickly ended the call and started planning our breakup. Because if you miss-use money and care about dog pajamas more than eating, you don't have enough common sense for me to be in a relationship with.

And that's why I broke up with someone over dog pajamas. While it was a dumb reason to have to sump someone, it at least makes for a good story.

My bf and I have been together 10 years and have 2 kids together. We just bought a house and I just realized this weekend that I don’t want to be with him anymore. I’ve felt this way for a while now but this weekend it really set in that I can’t nor do I want to be with him anymore. We are doing couple therapy and she asked each of us what % are we committed to each other and I said 50% and laughed it felt good saying I don’t think I see a future with him finally. Idk what to do. I don’t even care about the house and I just want to sell it and be done with him. We don’t touch anymore, there’s absolutely no romance between us anymore. I have been avoiding sex because I just can’t have sex with him anymore. I don’t want him touching me. We can’t even talk anymore anytime we interact we fight. I am emotionally and verbally abused in my relationship, he’s such an angry man and takes it out on everyone in the house. I don’t want my kids growing up with an angry man in the house. Or my kids seeing their mom being treated how he treats me. Idk what to do or idk what we even can do in regard to the house and selling it a month after buying it. But I just can’t do life with him anymore. I’m so stuck and I’m so alone. And I just want to leave, idk where I’ll go but anywhere is probably better than staying with him.

I (38F) have been married to my husband (59M) for 5 years now, but we’ve been together for 8. Looking back, I can see every single cycle of the narcissistic abuse he put me through. I don’t actually think he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, though. He just used those exact behaviors on me, and our relationship is deeply, deeply toxic. Honestly, I don't think he's a true narcissist because eventually, I became the one making him cry. I don't see how a real narcissist would sit there and take what I put him through today, but he stays.

I have a 10-year-old son from a past relationship, and we have a 4-year-old together (they are fine, they love their dad). Our youngest is autistic, and maybe that’s why my husband hasn't left. Or maybe it’s because I made it completely clear to him that I have enough evidence to throw him in jail, or at the very least, completely destroy his reputation. He is a massive deal in our area. He is a former president of a professional association, a member of all kinds of boards and high-profile groups, and he literally holds an honorary citizenship title here. But our country has extremely strict laws against marital abuse, and I can easily prove financial and emotional abuse.

Ever since that conversation, or maybe since our son’s diagnosis, I don't know for sure, he started changing. He stopped screaming over every little thing. He stopped criticizing me just for the fun of it. He hasn't missed a single payment on the credit card he uses, which is under my name. On the surface, things are way quieter now. There is absolutely zero affection or warmth, but the silent treatment stopped. The random, unprovoked cruelty stopped too.

But like I said in the title, I’ve become just like him. No, I'm not cruel for no reason. I don’t financially abuse him. And I don’t sexually abuse him like he used to do to me, leaving me sobbing and completely desperate, only to strip me down and force himself on me while I was still crying underneath him.

I just make him cry. Yeah. I point out every single disgusting behavior that makes him the miserable human being he is. I told him straight to his face that he raped me more than once. I told him he abused me. I told him that, for all we know, our son is autistic because of the non-stop emotional torture he put me through while I was pregnant. I told him he owes a massive debt to my childhood abuser who groomed me, and that he should thank him. I told him I am the closest thing to a conscience he will ever have, since he doesn't have a single drop of self-awareness. I’ve said all of this and way, way more.

Just a bit ago, I was asking him, again, not to undermine or disrespect my authority in front of the kids. As usual, he tried to pull his classic DARVO routine, flipping it on me. But I’m so hardened by all of this that I completely dismantled his dynamic. By the end of it, he didn't apologize (he never does), but I left him crying. Again.

I see it clearly that I’ve become just like him. If I were the person I was 8 years ago, I would feel sick to my stomach for leaving another human being in that state. But today? I just don’t care. His suffering doesn't make me feel a single ounce of pity or empathy.

I feel like I lost the light of my life. I loved her so much. We've been having problems as of late but I didn't think it would lead to this. I recently got laid off. I ruined my credit to help us stay afloat, now I just feel like i'm starting over at a worst spot than when I we first ended up dating.

My family wasn't a huge fan of her. They are fairly conservative and thought I should have an old school wife. Never have I wanted that. I love cooking for her and cleaning and how wonderful our conversations were. They always told me I should find a woman that does that for me instead, I defended her so often. Just sucks to hear them tell me basically "I told you so, I knew this would happen" I'm just trying my best to stay strong. I don't need to hear that right now.

I(M21) and my step-brother (M30).

For the past 10 years I've tried to have a brother relationship after the abuse he did to me but, because the Christian faith says that you have to forgive the people that harmed you and so I did but I'm misinterpreted as after forgiving things would be back to normal that I would have a real brother instead of the one that harmed me. And for a while it seemed that was the case until I started to learn more about myself and realized I still had deep scars from him not visible scars but emotional, mental and psychological scars and the more I learned about this about myself the more I felt confident that I could tell him about it.

After all, that's what brothers do: they talk, they listen, and if they can offer advice, they offer it. If they can't offer advice, they can provide comfort and reassurance that things will be okay.

But he didn't comfort me nor he gave advice. Instead, he turned my pain into a sermon. He stated that because I have PTSD, it's because of pain I didn't let go and that I like having pain so I can have the attention and he instructed me to pray to pray away my PTSD. And I was silent for the entire sermon. He broke my heart that day and at the same time, it made me realize that the brother I was expecting that I've seen in other people that support, that reassurance. I wasn't going to get it from him.

And so as much as it broke my heart and it made me cry that day, I had to let him go. I had to stop trying to reconcile with him because he wasn't going to listen and right now he's so deep off the religion and God. While I'm not saying God and religion is bad, it's good in some cases, but I can't never go back to him without him trying to frame my words as ammunition to later be used against me. And the nail in the coffin was his attempt to use the blood card as a way to claim that we are always going to be brothers, whether you like it or not.

So I stopped engaging with him because I realized I can't reconcile with a man that doesn't want to change or want to see a different path. And for once I felt okay. He does have the apartment on his name because my father doesn't have the paperwork to prove his income and trying to get any sort of job for myself is atrocious because of the current job market while attending college classes.

But back to the story: I felt okay for once in my life and slowly I started pulling myself away from him, unfollowing his social media accounts having them blocked because as ridiculous as this sounds he uses what I post as ammo against me.

And he has noticed that I don't talk to him or text him or call him or even visit him and I can tell it has bothered him because he sees it as cold and what happened two days ago really proved that point. He came to the apartment because he has some stuff he left here since it didn't fit in his current house and he was getting some things and while he was getting something. I was in the bathroom and when I came out I didn't immediately acknowledge him. I saw him, he was in the closet looking for something, but I didn't say "good morning" to him.

Instead I went to my room and he came in a few minutes later with this look of disappointment and this look of like as if he won somehow and because I didn't say good morning to him he used that as ammunition to start a lecture and a sermon at the same time and started claiming that I must have some resentment or anger in my heart to not acknowledge him and how it's basic human decency to say "Good morning" or a "Hello." I personally found it funny because I had none of that. My body still reacted as if he was an active threat in my life; shaky hands, heart racing so much I could feel it. Things like that but, I managed to keep my tone cool and not emotional. He once again used the blood card and left.

But if you ask me now. If I'm alright. I think I can tell you that I am. I'm happy, I'm still healing but I'll make it.

Edit: I meant half-brother not step-brother. I am sorry for the misinterpretation but this also comes from my reliant on other people due the twisting of Christian faith where it says to not trust your thoughts and only trust God. Due to this, I had become reliant on my half-brother who knows more of the faith. This also had the consequence of unable to trust my own words and thoughts. Which is something I am actively working on to this day.

Had an ambulatory procedure and I guess the stress and anesthesia gave me some horrible constipation. But damn trauma doesn’t let me take the meds I need. I just can’t.

It hurts, I don’t even feel the urge to go, I’m nauseated, my belly is hard and swollen and the pressure is tugging at my surgical adhesions badly. There’s gotta be some nerve involvement because there’s neuropathic pain running down to my scrotum and penis.

I’m familiar with all of these symptoms. I lost 12cm of large bowel to resection when I was 12yo and have lived with this since then. But never to this degree. Never after the surgery.

I remember mom blamed me for the constipation. It wasn’t constipation it was a damn obstruction due to post surgical adhesions that choked and killed my intestine.

And I remember the humiliating procedures and the doctor who did that, who was… I can’t accuse him of anything because I don’t remember but he was a creep at least, who used my body as if it was his property and made innuendos and sex jokes while having me in such a vulnerable state. I hate myself for being so fragile that a jerk in a doctors coat with a finger up my rear broke me. But it isn’t fair that my first memories of sexual pleasure were those. I hate him and I feel disgusting.

And here I am looking at the glass of macrogol (a lax) and unable to drink it without feeling so damn humiliated. I could try manual dissimpaction, for fucksake I’m bi I’ve had worse things up there but this time is different, it’s… i don’t know why am I so broken.

So yeah. Give it two, three more days when I keep crying like a moron refusing the soft meds, and then I’ll end up in the ED needing an enema, and then I’ll really loose my mind. I can’t talk about this with noone. It’s so damn embarrassing.

My father killed my mom when I was 3 months old. My sister and I were taken in by my aunt and grandmother.

I always knew what happened to my mother. I heard whispers and conversations between adults who thought children were too young to understand. When I was 5, one of my aunts even screamed in my face about what my father had done.

When I was 7, my father was released because he had committed the crime while in a state of psychosis, and he was allowed to come live in our home. I was pushed to be nice to him, even when I felt deeply uncomfortable around him.
I’m 22 now, still living with my family while I study and look for a job, and he still lives with us.

I’ve struggled with OCD, anxiety, and depression since I was a child. My aunt cares about us deeply, but she can also be extremely strict, controlling and emotionally abusive.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and my executive dysfunction is so severe that I feel like I can’t do anything with my life. I can’t study, I can’t find a job, and I constantly feel like I’m failing at things that seem so easy for everyone else.

A year ago, I went through sexual trauma as well.
I’ve also been dealing with physical health problems for the past couple of years without getting any real answers. I’ve spent so much money trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, and I’m still nowhere.

I have a boyfriend whom I love, but our relationship has been going through serious problems too, and he struggles with depression himself.

At some point, I think I just became numb as a way of protecting myself from everything. Now I mostly feel this constant emptiness inside, interrupted by really low depressive episodes. I have no energy. I’m constantly exhausted. I’m completely unsatisfied with the state of the world right now and life in general.

Sometimes I can’t help feeling like I was doomed to suffer.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for by writing this. I just needed to get it all out somewhere.

I've seen this be listed as a symptom for schizophrenia and DID, but I don't think I have either.

I don't think I have schizophrenia because, from what I've been told, schizophrenic people can't really separate their delusions (idk if that's the right term, sorry if it's not) from reality, and I can kinda do that (like unless I'm particularly tired or upset, they kinda have the same affect as my regular thoughts do, but I can't really control them, and they have a different voice than my normal thoughts do), and I don't really have much else that would make me think that I'm schizophrenic (unless my overthinking of the Boltzmann Brain thought experiment counts as an illusion of grandeur).

And I don't think I have DID, because I don't really have any trauma (at least not that I remember) that would've been early enough for me to develop anything in the first place.

Maybe there's something else I'm not aware of that this could be, but as of right now, this is confusing and just a little bit worrying if I'm being entirely honest.

Also, I am aware that I should probably seek professional help, but I'm not really in the position for that to be a particularly viable option at the moment.

Me and my bf have been together for 1 year and 7 months.

I love him, genuinely. He’s one of the kindest, most caring and intelligent people I’ve ever met, I admire him a lot, I’m proud of him, and I genuinely want only good things for him. He hasn’t cheated on me, abused me, treated me badly, or done anything that would make this a “bad relationship.”

But, right now, we’re currently taking some time apart because things between us had become emotionally exhausting, and a lot of it has to do with his insecurities: he’s been struggling professionally and personally, and over time I started feeling like I was constantly having to reassure him, explain myself, manage his feelings, or be careful about how certain situations might make him feel. I know he doesn’t do this maliciously, he’s genuinely struggling and I have a lot of empathy for him.

Something happened during this time apart that I didn’t expect: I realized that I really like being alone. I thought I would miss him terribly. Instead, I’ve mostly been noticing how much lighter my mind feels when I’m not thinking about another person’s feelings, expectations, or needs. I don’t miss having to say good morning, share every little thing about my day, wait for messages, or constantly consider whether he might want to be included in something.

I’m not particularly sad about that, and I still love him. I still get happy when something good happens to him, when he tells me about a great gig (he's a musician) or something exciting in his life. I still care about him deeply, but I’m starting to understand that loving someone and wanting to be their girlfriend are actually two different things.

Our time apart has also made me realize that some things that happened between us have already changed me: even if his insecurities improved, even if our relationship became healthier, those experiences already happened and I can’t simply go back to who I was before them. And I'm realizing that I'm not necessarily scared of losing him, but that I might genuinely prefer my life without being in a relationship right now. Like, I don’t want another person, I don’t feel like I’m desperately waiting to meet someone else.
Not asking for advice or for someone to give me a reality check, I just don’t really know what to do with that realization yet, that I might just want to be alone. I just needed to put it somewhere outside my own head.

TL;DR: I’m 22, my boyfriend is 28, and we’ve been together for 1 year and 7 months. I love him and he’s truly a good person, but our relationship became emotionally exhausting, so we’re taking some time apart. Instead of missing the relationship, I’m realizing how much I like being alone and I’m starting to wonder whether I still want to someone's girlfriend at all...

 TL;DR: My boyfriend and I took psychedelics on a trip, and what started as a fun night turned into him getting angry over small things, pressuring me to marry him, accusing me of cheating, and carelessly  hurting my blistered hand after I told him it was painful. We fought for hours while I was essentially trapped there. He later called his abusive behavior “passion.” I’ve realized how often he makes me feel scared and sad, and I’m finally ready end it

.

Last week my bf said his dad had a 1-day job for him in the city, 2 hours away. We could make some money and have fun, so I said yes. We’d been fighting a lot but had a pretty good week. We found a nice hotel with a 24-hour pool and took a psychedelic chocolate bar.

While tripping, I reminded him to grab my water shoes. He kept putting it off, so I asked, “Do you not want to get my shoes?” He said no. I said I’d get them myself, but he got upset and shouted at me I should “never ask him to do anything while he’s tripping.” We eventually made up and went swimming.

At the pool, he suddenly seriously asked me to marry him. I said I wasn’t ready. He said “only if you want to,” which calmed me down. Later, my hands started blistering badly from the hot tub. I recently developed eczema on my hands and didn’t know that would happen. I showed him and said they really hurt. A few minutes later he slapped my hand in a “low five.” I screamed because it hurt. He said I should’ve been nicer and that I was making things too serious.

Then he said if I didn’t want to marry him, we were over. We fought for hours, including him accusing me of cheating because he supposedly got a message from someone who knew my cats’ names. I eventually made nice because I was trapped there and didn’t want him being mean for the next 36 hours.

Later he called his abusive behavior “passion” because his feelings are so strong. I’ve been thinking about all the times he’s made me feel unsafe, like telling me to get out of the car in the middle of nowhere and then getting offended that I believed him.

I don’t want to be scared of my boyfriend anymore. I never thought I’d let myself get into an abusive relationship.

I know people are going to say that he will eventually hit me but he could never intentionally physically hurt me or any woman, child or animal. He doesn’t even like to hit men, but will if he needs to. But I don’t want to be scared in all the other ways it’s possible to be scared. 

so I’m ending it today in a matter of hours. 

I’ve typed this out a lot and it always gets too long so I’m going to try and condense this, but I will definitely give context in the comments if wanted!

I (19f) have a childhood best friend Ray (20f) who recently got engaged to John (19M). To be blunt, John is an awful guy. Before they started dating two years ago John tried to date me, and sent unsolicited pictures that quickly ended in him being blocked. Not soon after that (a week) he started dating Ray. Ray has been made aware of this multiple times but Rays defense is that John said he was trying to use me to get to her because “he’s romantic like that”…. Okay bro. Since that day they started dating. John has been like every stereotypical terrible boyfriend. Constant cheating, complaining, unemployment, and using Ray for everything . All of which Ray has complained about, and has chosen to ignore. John constantly ignores Ray and tells her that he doesn’t like her. Ray chooses to ignore it. No matter how many times you try to show Ray that John is horrible, there’s always an excuse. You can’t help someone who doesn’t see a problem. So I gave up and tried to ignore her relationship and focus on just our friendship. Two months ago visited Ray in my hometown. (I moved to california 2 years ago, Ray lives in Missouri).

I had a miserable time. Not just because there’s nothing to do in Missouri but because the once ambitious, forward thinking, no BS best friend I once had has become a miserable, complaining, mean person who can do no wrong and everything is everyone else’s fault. The entire trip she insulted me, my career, my body. Telling me my bloating is just me getting fat, I’m too ambitious, and my clothes suck. Her boyfriend went everywhere with us and complained the entire time about our choices for things to do. Which got worse when I told them I was uncomfortable with john driving while high. After the trip Ray tried suggesting a trip to california that I would pay for, I gave an excuse I thought would keep the peace more than “I don’t want you to come because you suck” and was met with a VERY angry text full of insults. So after that I distanced myself. A month after she called me with a half apology and asked to talk again. I agreed but still kept my distance. I know friends grow apart and I assumed this was one of those times.

Flash forward to now. Ray texts me with a ring on her finger and says she’s engaged. I FaceTime her and hear her sniffling with excitement and John in the background yelling at a video game. John proposed in bed 10 minutes ago after they woke up from a nap. How romantic! I say congrats and offer to talk later because I know I’m unable to hide my dissatisfaction and don’t want her to see it. After I hang up Ray starts half complaining and half defending the proposal? Saying, “the proposal wasn’t exactly what I wanted and thought it would be, and he got the ring from Walmart. But I’ve been asking for months and he’s such a good boyfriend for putting thought into it. So I don’t see anything wrong”. I simply respond back with “that’s good” and leave it at that. She plans to get eloped to this unemployed man and not tell her family. I’m not happy for her at all. He’s not a good person, she knows that, has even said it. She chooses to ignore his ignorant comments, his cheating, and expects everyone else to ignore it too. She asked me a few hours ago if I would throw her a bachelorette and if I could pay for it. I told her no and she sent me a voice memo of him calling me a bitch and greedy for not throwing a bachelorette party for my best friend. (Is it even normal to get a bachelorette party when getting eloped??) I’m done. Im so disappointed in the person Ray is becoming. I’m not happy for her engagement not only because of the person she’s engaged to, but from the person she’s becoming. Part of me feels bad for not being happy, but the rest of me feels tired and doesn’t care. People grow apart. I think after 10 years of friendship we’ve reached that point. It hurts a lot but I’m starting to make amends with it and know it’ll be okay.

as the title says. i’ll literally lie about random bullshit in my life. never anything serious, never about anything important. i’ll just alter stories or make up random details that aren’t true. like for literally no reason. for example today i literally lied to my partners mom about how i got my cat. i literally blurted out that he was a street cat. not true i got him at a shelter but for some reason i didn’t say that. i’m the worst at lying when it comes to serious situations (ive never cheated on a partner, never did anything like that) but like ill make up stories when im around people i dont know or im not comfortable with. i genuinely hate it. i feel so guilty about it and it literally keeps me up at night sometimes being like why the fuck did i do that? like that was so unnecessary i didn’t need to do that. i don’t know how to stop though.

Several years ago I left a controlling, toxic church. It wasn’t a cult per se, but it wasn’t far off. Now I’m lonely and struggle to feel like my life matters.

I got involved there as a college student and was a member for about six or seven years (it wasn’t a clean break).

I was lonely before I began attending. That’s how I got sucked in. The social support was incredible, but it came at the cost of obedience and conformity, of complete self-sacrifice to God and each other. That might sound okay until you end up in a situation where you literally put your life on the line for beliefs that you begin to realize are subtly horrifying.

Now that I’m fully out, my loneliness is back. Nothing feels like an adequate substitute for the close knit community I had in that church. I struggle to be involved in other churches anymore and can really only handle being on the outskirts. Some of my family and friends still attend my old church and treat me like I am contaminated. It’s isolating.

I miss feeling like I belonged, like my life had a great cosmic purpose, and like I could count on the church for literally everything. I’m all alone now.

I lost my best years to my ex. I never wanted that relationship but felt so worthless and unlovable. She showered me with affection and I became addicted. I ignored the warning signs and then I was her caretaker all out of a sudden. It just got worse and worse, I was always not very outgoing but I had some people with whom I hung out. She just didn't fill her life with anything but me anymore. There is a lot more to write but bottom line, stuck, neglected myself, isolated myself...

She got worse and worse and it culminated with her master's thesis which completely burnt us both out. A few months after she cheated. I had a job, she didn't. She didn't know what to do, just stayed at home and literally made plans to cheat, started making me feel crazy by insinuating stuff and so on. I later found out after insane gaslighting and manipulation. And then we stayed in the same apartment 2 more years. I still felt responsible for her, I was a wreck which also made her feel like she couldn't leave me alone, but she'd also pick insane fights because of me being open about the fact that I want her gone so I can start building my life without her. It was an insane mess with no boundaries kept. After a year I at least managed to stop us having sex. I had tried a couple of times but she kept pushing and up until some point I let it happen. It's not like I didn't enjoy it, but it made me feel like shit after.

After those two years I turned 30. I blamed myself for everything. I had ruined my PhD at that point but still had a year of contract. I didn't snap out of it, I just got worse and worse. I started working out and basically numbed myself with that. I met the girl of my dreams by some miracle but then I started really breaking down. I tore myself apart over my life, the guilt I felt, everything and I just completely disintegrated. I lost her, I stopped sleeping, I started harming myself and then I finally got into therapy. All it did was stabilize my sleep through medication. The rest didn't work. For this whole year I pretended but I just ruined my life more and more. Unemployed, PhD to finish, no end in sight. I switched medication and hope it kicks in. The first almost 3 weeks have been hell. I wake up shaking, knowing nothing will ever be ok, have the urge to hurt myself. I lost so much time and I keep losing more. But I have no control over my thoughts, no perspective helps. I feel crazy telling people how I feel because at some point they just don't understand what it's like when your body and mind really tell you that death is the only way out. There is nothing on the other side of this, I will never be ok with not having been the guy I wanted to be in my 20s. I see no value in the life beyond this. I don't want a family, I don't want a fulfilling career, I just want to have made the fun reckless experiences all the people around me made and not have just isolated myself with a sick person and been the absolute worst version of myself. And my mind just tells me it's all over, that I should just do something to make it stop forever.

I’m so upset, I feel blindsided. After 6 years together, my (24f) boyfriend (24m) just broke up with me. He said that for the past couple of months he’s been doubting our relationship and he doesn’t want to keep it going. It doesn’t make sense to me, we’re happy, we were planing on getting married in the future, I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me for why he wanted to break up. It feels like this isn’t real and it isn’t my life, I genuinely don’t know how to accept it.

I found this AMAZING vintage cardigan in a second hand shop about 15 years ago. I never knew how to wash it and was scared I'd damage it if I did so I would spot clean stains and hang it up to air out after wearing. It never appeared to get properly DIRTY so I was never really worried. Well, I stumbled across /laundry and realised I needed to wash this thing. I hand washed it in a bucket and the FILTH that came off it made me question every decision that brought me to this point. I think I needed at least 10 water changes to get it clean. I feel so disgusting. I'm so sorry for posting this but I can't tell anyone in my life about this.

It took a lot of courage to finally say all of this, I am so confused about my feelings I just want someone to guide me through this. I turned eighteen a week ago, I have a joint family, I have this cousin, he was really nice, especially after my father's death. I used to oil his head often, I was really small at that time, it didn't matter much but soon things really got weird.

The first time it happened I was crying, because my mum cut my hair and I didn't like it. I was upstairs in my room when he came. He tried to comfort me, kind of placed me on his lap. I didn't notice it much when his hand brushed against my chest, but I felt it, and it made me uncomfortable, and afterward I thought that it must have been an accident.

But the small touches soon turned more obvious. I used to be so scared being alone, I memorized the sound of his footsteps, I tried to avoid him a lot. This went on for about two years, but soon he moved to a different country. I was so relieved.

Now he came back a year ago, and he seems different. I don't know how to explain it, he gets me things, on the surface he seems good, shows concern about me, and whenever he does something nice I feel guilty because I've said so many bad things about him in my mind, and it just messes with my head, the push and pull. I should be angry, and I am, but not the way I'm supposed to be, and it feels like I'm betraying myself.

One important note, he is married, he has two kids, and one is almost around my age. I feel bad for his wife, and I feel guilty over it as well. He doesn't touch me that often like he used to, but there have still been touches that seemed accidental, but I know they're not, because it still crawls on my skin.

I hate my dad.

I'll try my best to respond to comments, but I do work a lot and only come to reddit sometimes. Tonight though, I just needed somewhere to put this. I'm a little tipsy at the moment so please bear with me.

Yes, I know he's my dad. I know I'm supposed to love him. He did provide for me as a kid, but things I learned as a teenager and a young adult have simply made me so angry, I can't.

I loved him. I even had a little shirt my mom bought me that said "my daddy is my hero" that I'd wear when I was 6-ish. And that statement was true. He was.

But then, the divorce came. Cracks started to show. I was a teenager and irritatingly edgy at the time to try and cope with what was happening around me. Hell. I wanted them to divorce. They seemed so unhappy and like they were staying married just for us.

What I didn't expect was for him to cheat on my mom. The day 15 year old me found that out, I slapped his face. And he didn't fight back. The next time I did something like that though, he had told me if he were any less of a man than he was today that he would have beat the shit out of me.

Despite what I knew at that point, I felt so guilty about hurting a man I cared about. He's my dad. I had to have gone too far, even though I know I was just an upset teenager.

I'm an adult now and have learned more. That wasn't his first time cheating. There was even a time where he strangled my mother in front of my (at the time) four year old older sister. He cheated multiple times. There was an occasion where he promised my mother a date after he spent an hour playing videogames. His brother had joined him and they ended up playing for eight hours instead, completely neglecting her. She told me she cried alone in their room so that me and my sister wouldn't hear her tears, and that it was the most unimportant she has felt. As a result, video games was a huge negative trigger for her despite the problem being my dad.

I feel bad. I don't want to hate him, but he's gotten this happy ending while my mother suffers as a single mom in a shitty house that doesn't even have a working air conditioner. This is all the reason for me to try and help her more, but my dad keeps trying to mend our relationship and I just. Don't think I want to. I don't need advice, I probably just need to go back to therapy when I can afford it and try to move on from this. Tonight, I just needed to vent.

Last post before I get back to practicing questions for my med exam. I'm trying to not break down for I have applied benzoyl peroxide on my fuckass acne which doesn't even wanna go away. It makes me look so ugly. My skin is so dull. I havent had my periods in 2 months and i cant tell you how bad i look. Its been affecting me a lot lately.

Going back to the topic, i reactivated my insta to look for updates of a music artist who is about the same as age and ethnicity as me. Her parents migrated to the west. She got professional piano training at idk like 5 at a renowned music school. Owns like 6 musical instruments and can play them. Lives in a really big house, really privileged. Good looking as HELL. And yano what? Living my dream of being a full time music artist performing at shows, making music with producers, being able to pursue her interest. Just performed her first gig.

Yes I had the same interest as her. I Can sing well, wanted to learn guitar ever since i knew anything else, parents refused, finally got one in 6th grade. The guitar teacher knew nothing and taught not even the basics. Covid hit- guitar lessons stopped. I was always interested in music- just like her. I wanted to pursue music, learn several instruments.

During covid i got FL cracked, tried producing shit, dad said music production makes no bucks- i had to leave everything. Got rid of the only musical thing i had- my vocal lessons. All because i am born in a 3rd world country because here, all you can fucking do is study and get a job as either an engineer or a doctor.

Almost 7yrs from 6th grade- she stands on stage performing whereas I am stuck in coaching classes to clear a fuckass med school exam after which i will have to hustle again. She's got the face, the body, the luck, the opportunities i wish i had, yes i envy her. I look ugly as fuck as well and got 0 friends.

Oh and do not tell me "you can do music after you get into med school". There's difference between treating music as your primary vs a secondary recreation hobby. Life is really fucking unfair. It really is. Have been waiting for life to get "better" but it never happens.

I'm so exhausted by my partner's autism. We're in our mid thirties and I feel more like a parent/carer than a romantic partner.

I just want to be able to go out and enjoy things without having to worry if they will have an autistic shutdown and go mute. It happens if we're out, it happens if we're not. I can't even have friends over for dinner without the risk of them being unable to communicate and nearly crying at the table because the sound of pots being washed is too loud and I have to stop what I'm doing to comfort them, or make accommodations for their autism.

I'm so tired. We're both autistic, but I feel like I am the only one who ever does the emotional labour in the relationship. I can't have an autistic meltdown/burnout because one of us has to be a functioning adult. It's feels like having a kid around, rather than someone who is the same age as me, someone who is supposed to be my equal.

It's always me though. I hate that I resent them for something they can't control, but I'm just so, so tired. It's been years since I've felt like a proper couple with them, and not their carer.

I just need a break. I need a chance to breathe and fall apart myself for once, without having to put every decision I make, big or small, through a filter of how much it will affect them.

I have had two phones in my life. One was an LG Q Stylo, one was an Iphone 11. I got the LG when I was about 13, maybe a little older. I loved it. It was slow, buggy, and not the most well made thing ever. Literally all of the buttons fell off. But, it had a nice big screen.

I used it mainly for music and watching youtube. I downloaded thousands of songs on it. Some were remixes I made by hand. Some were gifts from friends. Some were covers. I did draw some stuff on it when I was a kid, though not a ton.

I'm stupid. The phone began to say that android mobile services was not working properly as a consistent pop up. When I googled the answer, I saw someone saying to uninstall and reinstall android mobile services. I did. But, when I uninstalled it, the phone reset. Now, it's stuck in a mode which is just a black screen with text. Most likely, the best I can get is to send it in for data recovery. I can't afford that. The worst part? Apparently if I'd just deleted some shit, freeing up space could've easily solved the problem.

So. Now my phone is gone. The phone I've had since I was a child. The phone I used to play Skullgirls on. The phone I used to make songs when I was a kid who didn't know anything about how to make music. The phone I wrote my first book on when I was eighteen because I liked it more than my iphone. The phone where I saved photos of my friend's now deceased dog. The phone where I had a song saved that had been made for me. The phone I used to do classes on Zoom in 2020. All my random notes over the years, gone.

All because I was stupid.

I’ve been trying to write this for a while.

On October 16th 2022 my husband and I were renewing our vows for our tenth wedding anniversary on our rural property (our property borders a BNSF train track).

While we were having our small ceremony, the neighbor on the other side of the train tracks let their German shepherd, Lexi, out into their unfenced yard.

Because of the people and food on our property, Lexi headed straight over.

We knew Lexi, she was probably six months old when she started crossing the tracks to join us while building our home. Our forever home, where we wanted to retire. She never let us pet her, but once I was able to grab the phone number and name from her tag by bribing her with bacon. By October 2022, Lexi was about three years old, and we had already called her owner many times to let them know that she is over at our house and they should probably call her back (since again, she won’t let us get near her). His number was saved in my phone as “OldManName- Lexi”.

Well, like usual on that beautiful fall day, Lexi wouldn’t let anyone near her. She was determined to play keep away with the delicious meat platter in mind.

I immediately called our neighbor… rings to voicemail. I called right back, straight to voicemail. Called again, straight to voicemail again. I leave a message- “hey ___, we are having an event and Lexi is interrupting, can you please call her back to you”.

Lexi gets the hint that she isn’t going to be able to get to the snacks by way of our property, she realizes she needs the tactical advantage of the train tracks. At this point we send everyone inside, apart from us, the wedding planners, and the photographer who wanted to help try to wrangle this dog. We are staying off the tracks trying to heard her home. Lexi wouldn’t budge. She wanted the meat that she didn’t realize is inside now.

To the BNSF Engineer who honked tirelessly to try to get that dog off the tracks, I am so sorry you had to experience that. We experienced it, too. I know you have probably thought we were reckless idiots taking our dog onto the tracks, but it was truly just a fucked up situation where we were just trying to help her. And the lousy neighbor who couldn’t even be bothered to answer his phone dared to yell at us- after we sent everyone home and instead of renewing our vows, we buried her for him so we wouldn’t have to hear the coyotes get to her as he wasn’t physically able to dig.

She rests under a tree on his property. We don’t know if we can retire here now as I still wake up in a panic when a train honks for animals while going past our house. It’s always bothered me that you didn’t know the truth.

23F, posting on a throwaway account due to the type of post… mention of anxiety & hypersexuality.

I’ve been having a really hard time processing something that happened a couple days ago. I struggle with hypersexuality, and some things that I did privately were recently brought public into a Discord server with over 100+ people and I was publicly “exposed.” I shared intimate photos with one person involved, but I did have sexual conversations with a few people (3 people), separate incidents, months apart each, the 3 of them just so happen to be friends with each other as well I guess so that is where I’d say part of the problem came from. We did not sext nor have sex or anything, just simply exchanged sexual details/facts with each other and as I said … I did send 1 of them explicit photos of myself.

But … they decided to come together and “expose” me because they thought that I had been talking badly about them, which I wasn’t. I genuinely considered these people my friends, so having them single me out and share private intimate things about me in a server with 100+ people in it was really upsetting and truly embarrassing. They also just said some pretty hurtful things and as well they said things that simply weren’t true.

They all already had knew how I can be (how I frequently can turn conversations sexual) and early on they all knew that I was hypersexual before ever chatting with me longer 1 on 1.

I know I’m 100% responsible for my actions and I’ve really been trying to work on my hypersexuality, but the whole situation has left me feeling incredibly embarrassed, guilty, and anxious. I keep worrying about who saw everything, what people think of me, and whether this is going to follow me somewhere else… (as in, if I were to join another server and they were also in there… I do know for a fact that they would repeatedly @ me and expose me for the same thing in that server as well 😔).

If you got this far, thx for reading the vent 😣. I have anxiety even posting this honestly … but I have nobody in my real life to tell, so here I am.

Edit: Everyone involved was single, including me.