r/NonPoliticalTwitter Jul 16 '26

Funny Poor, poor boy

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u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

I was a foreman at 22 for a federal trial after assuming I wasn’t going to be called. Had the worst sunburn of my life, saw a woman lift up her skirt and diarrhea all over the street on the way to my first day of the trial, and genuinely learned so much. Would absolutely do it again.

u/blueevey Jul 16 '26

How long was the trial?

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

It was about a week. I think six days in court, and I was by far the youngest juror. This was a while ago though. Can’t remember exactly but over a decade at this point.

u/Loud-Fig-1446 Jul 16 '26

How long was the diarrhea?

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

Fast but wide spray. Like the loosest setting on a garden hose.

u/ScienceKyle Jul 16 '26

Sounds like a good diversity of learning experiences

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

I learned quite a bit about both the legal system and human anatomy.

u/TheBestNarcissist Jul 16 '26

did it have that same rustic taste as garden hose water compared to diarrhea at the house?

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

I was too nervous about being late so I didn’t have the time to give it a go. Looked pretty rustic though.

u/threelizards Jul 17 '26

With that context it kind of sounds more like she was trying to deal with an emergency in a panic rather than doing it recreationally, if that helps

u/baethan Jul 17 '26

I'd choose you for foreman too wow

u/LordBucketheadthe1st Jul 18 '26

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 18 '26

I’ve been waiting for someone to send this to me for a while now. Can’t tell you how happy this makes me.

u/LordBucketheadthe1st Jul 18 '26

It had to be diarrhea related. Right place, right time. With a little bit shit sprinkled in.
https://giphy.com/gifs/s8t6Ym0zHnLb2

u/cizwokz Jul 16 '26

Fuck the trial how much 💩

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

Because it was liquid and had such a wide spray radius, it is tough to say. Maybe about half a soup bowl. She was super efficient though. Hiked up the skirt and just let it fly, then went on her way.

u/cizwokz Jul 17 '26

Wow, I would have married her

u/cameron_cs Jul 16 '26

That second sentence had me

u/saythealphabet Jul 16 '26

What did you learn?

u/MadCatDisease666 Jul 16 '26

to jump out of the way.

u/saythealphabet Jul 16 '26

Lmfao thanks for making me laugh :)

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 16 '26

Mostly just what the reality is about being on a jury, and how much it is like a school lecture in a way. I had to take detailed notes to be able to make an accurate decision and feel like I was doing my duty. I also learned that many portrayals of judges in media influenced what I thought of them. The judge I had was extremely helpful, kind, and intelligent. Like I said before, a truly great experience.

u/medyolang_ Jul 17 '26

were you able to apply any of what you learned in the future? i feel like attention to detail is a huge part of having a good career

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 17 '26

I’m actually a teacher now, and it comes up a lot anytime my class discusses the court system, especially any kind of civil case. It was also a real world situation where my note taking and listening skills that I developed in college really applied and helped me out. As you said, attention to detail is important, and remembering the minutiae of what students talk about helps a lot in terms of developing a rapport with them and getting them to buy into what I am telling them. So, while I wouldn’t say being on the jury directly helped me with those skills, they certainly strengthened the idea that listening and paying attention are crucial in all situations. Thanks for the question!

u/Nowhereman55 Jul 17 '26

There's nothing quite like those meaningful formative moments that shape who we are! What a good memory to have.

u/funkmon Jul 16 '26

What kind of diarrhea techniques did you pick up

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 17 '26

Mainly that toilets are optional, but only for diarrhea. Pooping outside is a game meant for brevity. If you’re going to sit there and take your time, it’s going to be a problem. This woman did so much in less than five seconds.

u/Brief-Equal4676 Jul 17 '26

Not OP, but if you finger your asshole during a diarrhea episode, you can direct the shit jet where you want like a water hose with a bit of practice

u/funkmon Jul 17 '26

Really? Have you tried this? No joke

u/MTB_SF Jul 16 '26

Im guessing you were at the Northern District of California San Francisco Courthouse, which is in the middle of the Tenderloin...

u/canman7373 Jul 17 '26

I first got called at 18, I was in high school, went to the clerk and said I am in high school, she said that's up to the judge to decide. I get selected as the first round of possible jurors, they ask anyone here have conflicts, know the defendants or prosecutors. I raise my hand, say yes Judge I go to school with your daughter, we are good friends. He said my name, what are you doing here, go back to school. The clerk wrote me a note for the office for my half day absence, of course I went out to lunch first. The odds I get called so soon after 18 and was in my friend's dad's court were pretty low.

u/DrinkPBR Jul 16 '26

God or Jesus (I’m not sure which one does which things) knew what you needed in your life. Cyclospora cayetanensis was knockin em out the park back then also. What a shitty group of words to spell back to back. 

u/Amathyst7564 Jul 17 '26

What's a juror foreman?

u/ThrillhouseVeeHouten Jul 22 '26

The person who reads the decision to the courtroom once the jury has deliberated and decided on an outcome.

u/Own_Preference_8103 Jul 17 '26

Bro added a fun fact