Hii everyone,

after recently seeing a statistic (which I sadly can't find anymore) regarding the inclusion of trans people into the dating pool of cis people (cishet men & women, as well as gay women & men) I was suprised by how little the inclusion of trans people into the dating pool actually is.

The data (collected in 2021) stated that of roughly 1000 participants:

- 3.3% of cishet men

- 1.8% of cishet women

- 12% of cis gay men

- 29% of cis lesbian women

were willing to include at least some kind of trans person into their dating pool. What truly surprised me was that despite being the largest group of people willing to date trans people, a large majority of cis lesbians still wouldn't consider dating a trans women (keep in mind, the poll didn't diffrentiate between pre-op & post-op trans people). This stands in contrast to the frequently quoted number of around 84% (I believe, since I don't have the source rn) of lesbians supporting trans people and shows that despite support, there's still a large gap in the amount of people actually willing to date trans people. This data is obviously not universal (I don't even know where cis bisexuals sit in this pile of data) and varies from area to area, but I believe it highlights a trend within western countries.

This leaves me with the question whether or not trying to date cis people is even worth it if they don't happen to approach me first, while being aware I'm trans (which I'd prefer to not be as easily discernible). As of now, I've personally never had any experiences with cis people in dating and the one relationship which I did get into is t4t. Looking at these numbers it just doesn't seem worth it to even look for a relationship outside of trans spaces, as it would be far more likely to run into a wall, than to actually find someone willing to date you, who is also compatible for a mutual relationship. Feeling this limited does kinda hurt, but it's probably a small drop considering other forms of discrimination & exclusion we have to face.

If you have any positive or negative thoughts, opinions and and experiences, feel free to share them, as I'd love to hear your takes on the topic, instead of rehearing my own thoughts on it all the time I'm feeling insecure about dating as trans women.

Edit: Article on the topic, which I pulled some numbers from, since I couldn't find the statistic https://www.them.us/story/cis-trans-dating

Hey everyone. In the last 6 months I came to terms with being a trans woman, therefore I have personal experience with what it is like to be transgender. I also know that sometimes being trans can linked to genetics and since I’m trans that could make it more likely people in my family are transgender.

The problem is…my brother SA’ed me when we were kids, we recently started talking again, and started our relationship again, I wanted to tell him that because of his SA my trans hints were made into “oh that just happened because I was SA’ed” and I wish I knew I was trans sooner” - he apologized immensely, he feels incredibly guilty about what happened between us.

So I guess my question is….should I sent him the Gender Dysphoria Bible…tell him to read it to “help learn about my trans experiences” and see if I can crack his egg if their is an egg to be cracked? (Because I can’t just say he is trans! I’m not 100% sure if I’m right, and that is his job to figure out!)

I don’t know if I can live with myself knowing the person that SA’ed is trans as well. Something about that makes my brain hurt. But something about not helping someone who is potentially not aware who they are yet makes me feel like a shit trans person. And I don’t want to be unsure my whole life if my brother is actually my sister. What are your thoughts…? 😔

The reasons I suspect my brother is trans in case anyone is wondering:

1 - My brother said he “thought he was bi before realizing he was straight…you know who else thinks get confused they are bi or gay and later learn they are straight…well technically lesbian but still I meant before they know…repressed trans woman.

This is relatable to my experience as well btw I had questions about being bi as well before coming to terms with being a lesbian trans woman

1. He watched MLP as a kid all the time and called himself a proud brony a boy who watches my little pony - which doesn’t relate to my personal experience but I have a trans woman friend who LOVED MLP as a kid.

2. He had a bit thing for trans people which relates to my experience in fact I remember being jealous he had a trans girlfriend and wishing I had one LOL - He had a romantic relationship with a trans woman, and had a FWB relationship with another one a few years later. He seemed to have a heavy interest in trans woman, something a lot of a repressed trans woman tend to do.

3. He sent a text saying this -

“I always thought I was born wrong, you know? Like maybe I was some ailen disguised as a human, and I never knew I wasn't one.”

But to be fair he was referring to how guilty he was for his actions against me but still like I mean, if that isn’t the most trans sentence I’ve heard in my life lol.

Anyway…so yeah…maybe yall can tell me I’m overthinking things and that these hints mean nothing as well. I just don’t know. I feel like shit either way. I feel bad not helping someone who might be trans find their true selfs with that who they are meant to be, and I also be left wondering as well, which isn’t fun. I also feel like I couldn’t live with myself if I found out the person who SA’ed me was trans themselves. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle that. I don’t know if I can handle questioning it either. Help me. I’m struggling.

Ive finally become bold enough to order panties for the first time♡ :3 Im sooo excited! I just wanted to share my excitement with my sisters and see if you had any recommendations or if you wanted to tell me anythingg♡ :3. Im looking at some and its gonna feel so soft and so prettyy♡ >w< I love yall smmm♡ *mmmmwah*

I am a trans woman with a loving boyfriend who has not yet been prescribed HRT but I publicly present as female. I was doing research on HRT because it makes me feel better about myself while I wait to be prescribed. I learned that sexuality can change via hormones so I worried about having to break up with my boyfriend who I know wouldn’t take it lightly. So I talked to my best friend who goes by she/it and identity’s as lesbian and she encouraged the idea of me liking women. I responded by talking about how I think girls are cooler than guys because IMO they are and she questioned why I prefer dating men. I explained that though I think they aren’t as cool as women I am still attracted to them and mentioned how it would be cool if I was a lesbian but I’m just not. She hesitantly said “I hope you become lesbian so that we have something more in common but that makes it sound like I'm trying to date you” and I responded unmeaningly that “I think it would be cool if we were together. in a not wanting to date you way”. After this we started talking about another thing for a while before I asked if we could go back to the previous topic for a bit which she replied with “yes, are you questioning?” And I said “not yet but if I do I’m worried I’d have to break up with my boyfriend and that would break his and my hearts” and she responded with “Okay while that's true but if you come to a conclusion you need to do it. you CAN NOT be in a relationship one of them isn't in love”. We talked more about other stuff after that. The next day I went back to her talking about the whole “do I want her or do I want to be her” thing and how my interest in curvy women is most likely a “Want to be her” thing which she responded with “BE HER” I assume because we had previously discovered that we share interest in curvy women but it almost read as wanting to see me as a curvy woman which I don’t take offense to. 2 days after I asked her a question about her identity and that spiraled into her being close to realizing that she is trans man. A bit after that I went back to her stating my confusion about what I was feeling which was me wishing I would be attracted to women so me and what use to be her could be together but now that she is no longer her. She asked if this means that I like her and after that she sent and quickly deleted the message “I would be fine with that” which I didn’t get to reply to. I did reply to the asked question by saying “No?? I don’t know??? I know I like my boyfriend” which she replied with “Yeah, you guys seem really good together too. do you love him?” Which I then replied “yes. Maybe. Yes.” Which she then she replied going “can you name 5 things you love about him?” And I couldn’t. I couldn’t list 5 things. She reassured me saying that it’s ok to make that mistake then we talked more and I ended the conversation with “I’m sorry if that was really awkward” which she replied with “nah I'm here for you twin” then goodnight.

So now I don’t know what to do about anything. I haven’t been happy with my boyfriend for quite a bit now that I think about it. My best friend now goes by it/its and has strongly considered going by he/it and has gone by he/him before. I have a strong feeling that when it gets professional help or thinks more about itself then it will identify as a man though I’m not the one to choose that. I have not broken up with my boyfriend and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with him if I don’t have to because he is a lovely person and I still wish to be friends with him. Though a lot of what my best friend has said points towards the fact of her wanting to be in a relationship with me I can’t be fully sure. I can’t talk to my boyfriend about this for obvious reasons and I can’t talk to my best friend either. I haven’t ever come to Reddit for a personal problem before so please excuse me if I messed anything up or I was unclear anywhere. Would any of you have advice?

Little bit of required knowledge so I can just get into my current life event I guess

I’m in an all MtF polycule(we’ve been together almost 6 months) and we moved in together a few months ago. I won’t go into specifics because I love, respect, and cherish my partners to just fling our dirty laundry out there.
We are going through a lot of group and unresolved trauma and are all suffering right now. Previously I had quit smoking altogether(partially due to me knowing they didn’t like that I smoke and mostly because I wanted to quit. I was clean for months but because we’re going through some of the worst times and I don’t handle intense negative emotions well I put myself back on the wagon.
And I had previously decided to keep it from them until we leveled out but now I feel like I’ve betrayed their trust.

Marked this a discussion because honestly a conversation would be great right about now.

For those that do DIY in the US, where do you get your EEn? I'm on EV rn and hate the short half life

Also does anyone do EC? I swear I only ever see people on EV or EEn here

I dont know if anyone will care but i wanna get this off my chest, Both my parents are Transphobic and im sad that i cant transition or come out to them, all i was able to do was buy a bralette a little while ago and keep it hidden in my room, i just hate how i cant be myself in my house, im currently looking for work to get my own place so that i can start HRT in a save location where i am not afraid to be myself and can wear whatever i want.
im currently 18 years old and i hate that i cant be myself since i found out i was trans 2 years ago.
if anyone can give tips or things i can do in secret i would like that.

Soon 40yr, singel for about 3,5 years since I cracked the egg and came out has a lesbian trans woman and my X-girlfriend supporting me (what she says, and that she is pan).

I have been on some dates in the beginning, but has time gone and even been on HRT for a year, I have started to feel that I will never find someone special again and even more disliking my body, hopefully I get inline and in tune after the top-surgery and the SRS.. but it’s a year waiting and I want someone who just love my has the woman I’m… But it’s feels impossible for my age and has a transgender woman, in the middle of the transition phase.

And it’s not helping either that’s my brain what quick results and live in a kind-of fast paste since forever a ADHD-treat.

Had SRS two weeks ago and someone commented that I look curvier, and I also noticed that my breasts are fuller and more plump. My skin is also so soft now, it's impressive.

Has anyone else experienced this? I noticed it when I switched from pills to injections, but now it feels like my femininity just got kicked into high gear.

I recently had a consultation with Dr. Rose at Bryn Mawr. I had to wait almost 4 months for the consultation for bottom surgery. She walked in and barely introduced herself and her PA and then looked at me and said, “I am not sure how you got an appointment. Your BMI is clearly too high for bottom surgery. My staff knows to only have people with a BMI less than 30 get and appointment. You can either leave now, or you can stay and have the appointment, but you will need an additional appointment when you are </=BMI of 30. “. I drove 3 1/2 hours for this appointment. I stayed for the appointment and she did answer questions. She refused to examine me, but I was okay with that because it was clear to me I would not want a surgeon who is so rude and mean even if she is skilled. I understand about the BMI requirement due to it being more safe for surgery and had already joined weight watchers and lost 25 pounds up to this point, but she did not even ask if I was trying to lose weight. I feel that a surgeon who is working with a population that is already sensitive about their bodies should be alittle more aware of her audience.

Her therapist is very nice, but really pushed Vulvoplasty instead of Vaginoplasty. I found out during the appointment they are pushing Vulvoplasty because they do not have a urologist at this time, but are looking for one, so if you want a Vulvoplasty you will have to get on an additional wait list. They have no timeframe of when they will be able to hire a urologist.

For reference, I'm a 22yr old trans girl who started estrogen a year and a half ago. I've loved the changes, but progress has been so slow, I'm feeling that worry that I started "too late". I'm on injections, which my levels seem to really like. But I was on patches for a while due to complications and they didn't help, like at all. So I'm back on injections again. But between that, and constantly having to boymode for work every day, I just sort of feel like, a bit of a failure? I know progress takes time and I should be patient, but God dammit I just want to feel a little bit more confident in myself...

TW: Dysphoria

I’ve known for a few years now that I wasn’t 100% cis, and I for a time believed I was just a very feminine gay man or nonbinary, but now I’m certain I’m a woman. I already started HRT a few days ago and I am very comfortable as a woman, I’ve tried on wigs and feminine clothing and it feels so much more joyful getting dressed compared to before when I’d agonize over wearing jeans and a t shirt and constantly grab at all my fat, muscles, and face like I could make it all go away. But I still feel so tied to the idea of what I believed I should look like, being a strong, masculine, man with huge muscles and abs and being domineering. I know now that was wrong and harmful to myself, and I was compensating, but I still feel so guilty about leaving all that behind like I shouldn’t betray my assigned gender. I also no longer feel valid in being attracted to men and somehow feel like I don’t deserve love because I won’t be a gay man anymore and just a straight woman. I don’t know why I care so much about what men think of me, but I do want to be loved and have a boyfriend or a husband eventually and have kids with him. I also want to be able to dress femininely, but I still feel some sort of guilt about my transition into who I really am.

I don’t want to stop my HRT or go back to being AMAB it is so painful and I find myself squirming and feeling wrong in that body, even if im fine with having a penis and masturbation and all those sexual things. I still am definitely attracted to the male physique but I don’t really care for having it, so why do I still feel so insecure about becoming the real version of myself? I want a softer face, curves, boobs, and having beautiful long hair that I can flip and play with, and be able to dress up like a coquette princess or a bad girl and be seen as that when I leave the house. I know for sure this is what I want, I just don’t know if this is valid to still feel attached to who I was pretending to be. Maybe I could be fem presenting and non-binary, but I do want to look like a woman most of the time.

Does anyone else relate to this? Is this just a part of dysphoria or am I reaching, I feel like I’m in conflict with myself even if I know what the answer is already.

I see so many trans women saying how they experience euphoria the first time they wore women's clothes. I'm wondering, are there trans women who did NOT experience euphoria wearing women's clothes.

I felt and feel nothing different wearing women's clothes. If anything, a lot of women's clothes are really uncomfortable and impractical. I don't feel dysphoric wearing men's clothes and often would wear clothes of men I'm dating. I like big muscular guys so their shirts are always oversized on me and comfortable.

ok the title is a bit silly but i want all your advice on how to get good tights, hips and butt, other than its “genetic “ cause I know that, and please give pre hrt and post hrt tip cause I might be getting sooner than later ;3, well anyway thanks for helping

I don't have very bad bottom dysphoria (like, I wouldn't mind having a vagina, but it doesn't eat at me) so I want to take care of what I do have as long as I can. I've heard that it's a good idea to, across a whole week, maintain an erection for at least 10 minutes. Not just to stave off atrophy but also for other health reasons.

It took me MORE THAN FOUR HOURS of prep to make it work last night 😭😭😭😭

None of the material I used to look at does anything for me anymore. Smut I've found online doesn't even really work; I have to write my own which takes forever. And if I'm finally getting somewhere, I have to be really efficient. I can't go on even a little tangent about something else or else I lose any and all arousal I've spent the last hour trying to build up.

I've thought a lot about trying toys, but I'd have to order them and I still live with my parents, so it'd be hard to pick them up without anyone noticing.

Last night was the first orgasm I've had in like two and a half weeks, and now I'm sore because I guess I stopped being used to it. It's so difficult and exhausting trying for this stuff that I'm wondering if I should even bother at all. It's very embarrassing but it kind of makes me feel broken, among all the other things that already make me feel that way.

So essentially I expressed a desire a few months ago at the possibility of storing my gametes in case I wanted to have children in the future that biologically were mine.

The doctor, prior to me even having the discussion has taken me off of spiro for other reasons as they believed my E was suppressing test on its own, however I have jumped from 0.2 NMol to 8.2 NMol in a month.

To resume taking anything that suppresses my T, I will have to go through gamete storage, which means most likely coming off of hormones for some time, expecting the delay in even getting an appointment to restart taking a blocker too.

I have been taking hormones for about 5 years now, I’m 32, what can I expect to happen to my body in this period off no hormones? I’m already experiencing semen production and facial/body hair growth feels so fast already and I haven’t stopped, and I’m worried I will regress so fast and lose years off of my timelines with the feminizing effects

Thank you!

It feels like every time a trans person vents about something related to their transition, the “don’t worry you’re still valid ✨” comments come flooding in.

When a trans person is unable to access or afford HRT:

“You’re still valid without HRT uwu!”

When a trans person has difficulty changing their name/sex on documents:

“You’re still valid regardless of what your documents say teehee!”

When a trans person can’t get surgery:

“You’re still valid even if you don’t get surgery hugs”

I get that these people mean well, but I genuinely don’t give a fuck if I’m “valid” or not. It’s a worthless term. What matters is that we’re able to transition and live our lives.

I miss her so so much..... I am a month or so away from starting HRT, and I came out to her in 2024. She at first told me she loved me, supports me, and wants to continue our relationship and do everything together like we always have. She then dumped me all because I trusted her when I revealed my identity as a trans woman to her, and then, she just told me she can't be dating a woman, or a trans person, and we only went on 2 more dates before she officially dumped me and told me she no longer wants to date me, and that we can only be friends and that I will 'have to find someone else......' This made me inredibly distraught and just literally to the point where I can not live my life well anymore, and I just wish I was with my beautiful angel and that I was getting her cuddles.... She said she wants to go out again sometime to catch up with me to ask me how I am doing, and while it will be nice to see her, I still can not forget her inapproriate questions about my transition such as if I wear women's underwear, if I will get a period, if I will cut off certain body parts, if I will get a woman's body, etc.... I am doing my best not to hate her, but I am very upsetmand heartbroken by her actions and how she became so disloyal to me..... Smh.....

- specifically the ‘bad guys’ of her story!

Hey! I hope it’s okay to post this here. I was hoping you girls could give me some advice, if you don’t mind.

I’m currently writing a story about a trans lady. The story in general is quite uplifting, but, as with most stories, there will be some obstacles for her to face, too.

This is where I could really use some advice. There are two main ‘obstacles’ in her story: her mum and childhood friend, who aren’t too happy with her transition for different reasons.
Mum is a typical traditional older person who doesn’t ’get it’ at first but eventually realises she’s wrong.
Childhood Friend is isn’t inherently a transphobe, but he is a misogynist and sees Protag’s transition as something of a betrayal. CF is the villain of the story, going out of his way to target multiple people, not just our Protag. He used to be a good guy.

Having given a basic outline of those two, my worry is: Protag’s main obstacles are tied to her being trans (albeit for different reasons) - is this a horrible fumble on my part? Is it disrespectful? I don’t want to portray her being trans as a negative thing; the whole purpose of the story is that it’s normal and that she’s a normal person (something I feel a lot of people still need to realise).
I really want to do this right. I want to be respectful and as accurate as I can be.

I’m deliberately not going into too many aspects of the story, as I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, but I’m more than happy to answer any questions if it helps with context.
What I will say is that the overall plot is quite a happy one. There are too many trauma porn stories surrounding our community and I’m not adding to that.
I just really, really could use some advice on the enemies/obstacles aspect of this and who better to ask than my trans sisters?!

Any insight you could give me would be absolutely appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

I’m going into grade 12 tomorrow, and I just can’t stop looking in the mirror. I keep trying to prepare for the next few months of being deadnamed and called he/him (I’m not really out yet, people at my school are mean).

I don’t think I’ll ever look like, or even be a girl. That’s all I’ve wanted.

I don’t even live at home anymore. I’m renting a room in some shitty house and barely going anywhere in terms of HRT or any kind of care.

My parents and siblings are transphobic assholes, intolerant, selfish people. I had to leave. I’ve been away from home, with the support of my grandparents (somewhat supportive, they just don’t get it). But fuck me, it’s getting hard.

My mom’s just telling everyone that I’m trans. People I never was gonna tell, because they’re not that close to me. People I wanted to tell myself. These past few months have been really hard.

Does it ever get better, or should I just give up?

Sorry for wasting your time.

I dont really know if I need advice or just want to post because maybe someone will understand why this hurt so bad.

The last 2 days have been wildly emotional. On Saturday I hit 11 years clean (im in recovery from drug addiction) and my partner planned a surprise "birthday" date with friends at my favorite gelato place to celebrate. It wasnt really a surprise because they always do something similar to honor the day.

If you are familiar with 12 step programs you know how important a sponsor relationship is. My sponsor, we will call X (59 straight white male) and one of my close friends, we will call Y (45ish lesbian female) have been really struggling to not use he/him/sir/bro for me since I came out to them a little over a year ago. Ive been on hormones for 2 years this month and socially transitioning this last year publicly.

Y just graduated with a bachelor's in community health or something, and is currently enrolled in a graduate program. Their final project of the BS degree was an outline for a gender affirming health clinic that integrated mental health services with primary care. It was really cool being able to share my experiences with them during their studies. We talk on the phone weekly at a minimum. Im 35 and have kids, a job and live 1.5 hours away from them. We share holidays and camping trips when we can.

I left the little date just feeling defeated and honestly kind of gross over the constant misgendering, which i am always gentle in adressing if i even do anymore. Its been a struggle to get my kids, who are younger, to use a different word for me than Dada, and my remaining friends who are not queer dont seem to grasp anything I talk about. I was just burnt out from the weekend.

I hit them up as follows in the following:

Me: Hey I need to address something that came up for me last night. It really hurt my feelings when I reminded you to use my correct pronouns and you responded by saying you dont spend enough time with me.

I have been infinitely patient with folks and a simple "oh yea" or "sorry" would have been fine.

It hits harder coming from you as we share some identity cominality and I feel like you know better.

Im going to step back from this friendship for a bit. And some other ones, to focus my time in the new spaces ive found that see me as I am. I have to do this for me - i just cant keep explaining myself to people.

Y: Thanks for letting me know this. I could see how that did affect you and reflected myself on how that was not okay and inappropriate.

I have been thinking on it this morning. And think expecting people to just naturally and without mistake align with you is unrealistic, as we are also getting to know this version of you. Mistakes happen and that does not negate how I care or can show up for you. We have spent a total of 4 times together and I have made mistakes, but you’re asking for me not to be human. That’s not okay.

I also felt that I need to step back from our friendship as well. I am not quite sure if it has ran its course or not. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. As I have not felt very comfortable within the space of it also. And this aligns with why.

Take care and I hope your all the beauty in life.

About 4 hours later Y: I need to say one more thing. I did say sorry to you and then said I need to spend more time with you. So that is incorrect that I did not apologize for doing it. Also I was born into a body that has caused me to be misgendered my whole life. I did not transition into someone else. Our situations are not commonalities.

For reference the cominality I was referring to is that they disclosed to me 3 years ago they have been taking testosterone & we are both queer. And I was only upset at them for saying we need to spend more time together to honor my identity (ESPECIALLY with them being part of the community).

Im not going to respond as I know I wont get anything from it but more hurtful words. But like what are we doing with the relationships that state and verbalize support but dont change? How long do you give folks or how do you ask for space without them feeling like youre quitting? In general I guess because I dont want to reconnect with Y after this interaction.

On a positive note, between those texts yesterday, i went thrifting for new work clothes because im starting a new job tomorrow and i got rid of my androgynous baggy clothes. I felt incredibly cute and excited about finally doing the last of the wardrobe overhaul (work clothes).

I’ve been using the name onyx for awhile but a lot of things online say it reminds people more masc, and I’ve been kinda regretting it a little. Do you think it can work as a fem tgirl name ?

i don’t know how precisely describe these feelings but it’s like some recognition of the fact that that part of me isn’t really what is part of me. i don’t know if i explained that in a way that’s intelligible to others.
i tried to use wand massager but i’m not familiar yet with it. do you have any advice concerning masturbation or how to regulate your emotion after an experience like mine?