I met someone from Turkey on Hinge last year. He said he didn’t set his location to the U.S. but that he sometimes has international people on his likes page.

We began talking everyday as “pen pals” and we both slowly started developing feelings. I’ve been extremely hurt by men in my past and never had a serious relationship so I told him regardless of feelings, I can’t to LDR and esp without meeting him.

Fast forward a few months, I can’t date irl without thinking about him. He filled my emotional needs and made me feel more seen than my friends irl. We decided to plan a trip to meet this summer.

It was a bit up and down because he told me he felt uneasy about me saying I was unsure about him. I kept telling him it wasn’t personal, but I couldn’t promise a relationship till we met. Well, 9 months later, we met. I really liked him…we met only for 2 days because he had run into problems booking the trip. But he traveled for over 24 hours straight just to see me for those 2 days.

There have been some language barriers with translation which caused a couple disagreements in these 9 months. There also was a time where I believe translator apps contributed to a misunderstanding about how we view relationships. He’d ask me when I’d be ready for marriage + kids because where he’s from, he’s already “old” in terms of that path. But for me, it’s quite the opposite. He told me he doesn’t know how LDR could work without marriage in the near future, I told him that made me feel uneasy. He really hasn’t brought it up since other than asking if I were to visit him, if I would like to meet his family or not.

Anyways, with that context, I have a friend who is going through a break up. She told me 1. Not to meet him because I’ll likely be trafficked. Then 2. When I did tell her I met him and we decided to make it official, she told me he’s probably using me for citizenship. The problem is, I have OCD and that comment triggered me pretty badly. He never has asked for money, when I told him I don’t want to get married soon, he didn’t ghost or block me. He was so kind to me in person and has been this entire time.

Not being with him has its own issues that I’m sure all of you can relate to. I’m sad I can’t just call him because of the time difference, I’m sad we only had 2 days together, I’m sad my first relationship is so difficult. But I can’t get my friend’s negativity out of my head.

I just want opinions or stories to help me better grasp this please.

I pretty much love and care for my boyfriend but I am not in the best mental space right now and I don’t have a reason to explain why I’ve been feeling this way recently. I don’t want to worry him but I also need some space. I don’t want him to think he did anything wrong or that I am being distant or even worst I’m breaking up with him. But I genuinely just need some time alone to myself away from everyone, and I’m not too sure how to start this conversation with him especially since we’re already missing some of the fundamental things in a relationship due to being long distance. Any advice would be appreciated!

I've been with my gf for a little over 9 months now, we met on discord while playing the same game, and i flew out to meet her in july for 10 days and i also plan on flying to her in late December after my exams are over and stay for a month there.

I'm the type of person where if there's a misunderstanding or some kind of problem, I would want to talk about it and come to an understanding. It seems my gf does not. She told me that she wants everything to be natural and peaceful and not forced or artificial. That's why she never really tells me what she wants or how she would prefer me to act even though i always ask her how she feels or what she wants to do.

Yesterday, after coming from work, i asked her if she was sleeping bc she wasn't answering my texts and decided to sleep for a bit until she was awake to play some games with her. After about 2 or 3 hours, i woke up and saw her playing with some random people and told her she should've called me and hopped on the game waiting for her. She queued another game while i was waiting, and i asked why she queued again. She didn't answer me and queued another one after finishing the second game. I felt so disrespected bc i waited for 2 hours for her to finish, but she kept going, and i told her that. She said she just wants to play and thought i would get mad if she told me she wanted to play a 5 stack instead of just with me. I don't understand. Of course, i prefer our alone time and just want to spend some time with her after work but if she told me we can easily find 3 other people and play but like why didn't she just tell me that.

She says that if she tells me stuff, it would make me mad and just turn into an argument. Why would she think that? I've never been mad at her for saying what she wants. I've honestly never been angry with her or raised my voice at her ever. I've been upset before, but there are only like 2 specific incidents last month where i was really upset bc she didn't tell me things. Is that why? Can i not get upset at all?

I really love this girl, so even if i get upset, i try to do better the next day and listen to what she says and commit myself to her but i don't know if i see the same kind of efforts from her. It just makes me a little sad and confused why she wouldn't just talk to me and say what she wants.

I (26 F US) finally met my not-boyfriend (28 M Canada). The only thing stopping us from putting a label on things was actually meeting in person. We planned and he bought plane tickets for two visits; one in September, and the next one, to meet my family, in October.

So this weekend he flew 2,000 miles to a city near me. We got a hotel and explored. We had a blast! We got to do so much and we got so much closer. There were no awkward moments between us. Conversation flowed just like it did on the phone. We got to be nerds together at some museums. We had many firsts together on this trip. He also said things to me like “I’ve never felt this strongly for someone before”. But dropping him off to the airport is where things took a turn.

About 5 min before dropping him off I playfully asked “so next time I see you [in October when the next flights are booked], will I be introducing you to my family as my boyfriend?” I thought this was a silly question because of course after a super fun weekend together he’d finally feel ready right? I thought he’d laugh it off and say yes. But he hesitated for a long moment. And he said “I want to say yes, but I’m not sure. I need some time to think about it”. My heart sank. We were at the airport so we kissed goodbye, teared up, and held each other for a long time. And then he was gone.

The thing is, the whole point of this trip was to find out if we had the same chemistry in person as we did online. Which we did. I have so many questions. What does he even need time to think about? Why had he not thought about it before spending so much money to come see me? Why had he not thought about it during the weekend? How can he feel such strong feelings for me and still not be sure that he wants to be my boyfriend? What would even change about our relationship if he had the label boyfriend?

I know this likely has nothing to do with me, but the truth is that when he said he wasn’t sure, it really damaged my self esteem. I had spent the past 48 hours getting so much closer to him, becoming more and more sure that this is what I want. And he had spent the same hours treating me like his girlfriend but truly not feeling “sure”. I feel led on and used. I feel like there must be something wrong with me that he couldn’t tell me to my face. I feel like maybe he just wanted to get laid and was willing to do all of this to make it happen.

I’ve spent all of my past relationships begging for love. I will not start this relationship off the same way. I want my partner to be sure that they want me. I want them to be as into me as I am into them. I want them to have to chase me for once. Him needing time and not being absolutely sure about me gave me all the information I need. When he makes it home we will talk more, but I have already made up my mind. If he wasn’t already sure of me, I don’t think he will ever be sure. It will take some damn good convincing if he decides he wants me to be his girlfriend.

Am I wrong to think he should know by now if he wants to be my boyfriend? Is it wrong to tell him he’s too late if he decides in the next couple days that he wants to be with me? Im just feeling so confused and used.

My girlfriend moved across the country for college to the east coast while I’m here on the west coast, we are both freshman in college but I go to community college and she goes to a private, but I am wondering if it’s valid that I feel uncomfortable/upset that she wants to join a sorority, I’m okay with her going to parties and hanging out with other guys when her girlfriends are there but i felt kinda upset when she said she was considering joining a sorority, what should I do?? Or any suggestions

I met a guy on reddit, and it was sooo sooo random tht he almost ghosted me for two weeks and i thought he'll never come back online.

Bt bt he did, i mean ofc so i got to post this 🙈🧿

And from booking tickets for a flight and cancelling it coz times didn't match to bhaadh mein jaye sab, just come we'll make time for each other....

We finally met after 9 months🌷

You knowwwwww whttt just when I saw him irl i felt who's this stranger? Will I be comfortable with him? And tht awkward silence when we met , the eye contacts were enough to get butterflies in my tummy bt i was in disbelief tht someone flew for me to just see me (ek jhak dekhne ke liye😳).

And everything got settled down slowly, and got soaked in his love 🙂‍↕️✨(theek h yaar thoda cring hai bt first time hai yaaar someone putting efforts for me 🥺)

Bt yes maybe we love each other more now.

I still think it was just a dream...

Hope we meet soon.

🧿✨🌷🎀

I'm so desperate to share just how extreme my love and care and affection is for my girlfriend, but I don't know if I want to say it over the phone for the first time. Does anybody else have this problem? I feel like I'm bursting.

repost second time bc it kept getting deleted from rules #3??

hello i [21 Enby] have been dating my lovely partner [22 enby] for 1 year and 3 months.
we live 7h away from each other and we both don’t have licences. (mine due to fear, who’s shocked)
and my partner has chronic pain, so i thought id go down to see them so that they don’t ache if they were to come down.
anyway-
iv been coming up with different ways and plans to see my partner (hopefully next july-october) but the only plan i see working out smooth is taking a plane rather than 2 trains and a few ubers (scared of ubers too)
but i am VERY SCARED of planes.
iv never been on one and all those movies with plane disasters don’t help. i’m also very VERY nervous to be anywhere by myself but i want to over come this so i can see my partner.
so my advice i need is how safe are planes?
and have any of you done solo plane flights before ? if so how did you manage your anxiety ???

i want to overcome this fear so i can see my partner, they are my first relationship and i want to prove how much i love them by overcoming my fear to see them
:(

my boyfriend (m21) and i (f23) have been together for two years. we used to call every night for at least 2 hours and just do our own thing. we also used to text throughout the day.

recently, boyfriend reconnected with an old friend group and he’s been going out every weekend. he’ll be out from 8 am to 11 PM. i rarely hear from him those days.

i just feel kind of upset because of the drastic change. one of the friends, marissa (f19), i feel gets a lot of his time because she doesn’t have as many classes and is pretty free. as a result, she sees him 3-4 days out of the week and they usually spend all of saturday together (as a group).

on the other hand, i get two days a week or more IF he’s not tired. it’s really hard not to compare myself to her and feel like a back up option.

he swears up and down he’s not into her & i believe him because there’s no reason not to. i know he doesn’t owe me all of his time and what i get is good enough but it’s really hard to not feel some type of way and compare myself to his friends who seemingly get more.

My partner and I have been talking since January and we’re in a long-distance relationship. Over that time we’ve become extremely close, talked seriously about our future and about eventually closing the distance.

A big milestone for us has been me travelling to see her. We’ve talked about it for months, I’ve booked the flights, arranged three weeks away from work and everything has been planned around me coming over.

I’m now less than 19 days away from flying.
Recently though, I’ve started worrying that she might be getting cold feet.

There have been a few little things that have played on my mind. She’s mentioned losing interest in the Paired relationship app that we used together, and as the visit has got closer she’s also talked about feeling anxious because everything suddenly feels very real.

Now there’s another complication.

She may need a medical procedure around the time I’m supposed to be visiting. Obviously her health comes first and I completely understand that. I’ve told her that if she had the procedure while I was there, I would genuinely be happy spending the trip looking after her. I’m not expecting a perfect holiday — the main reason I’m travelling is to be with her.
But she’s told me that if she needs/has the procedure, she doesn’t want me to come.

That’s the bit I’m struggling with.

Part of me completely understands that somebody might feel vulnerable, uncomfortable or simply not want their partner seeing them while they’re recovering from surgery.

But another part of me thinks: after talking since January, planning this for months, discussing a future together and getting to less than three weeks before I fly, wouldn’t you still want your partner there — especially if they were saying they were happy to look after you?

The flights are already booked and because of my work it’s also not particularly easy for me to just move three weeks of leave to another time.

I don’t want to turn a genuine medical situation into something about me, and I definitely don’t want to pressure her into having me there if she genuinely isn’t comfortable with it.

I’m just trying to work out whether my anxiety is connecting dots that aren’t actually there, or whether this sounds like someone getting nervous/cold feet now that the relationship is about to become very real.

For people who have been through that first big long-distance visit: did either of you suddenly get scared as the date approached?

And if you were in her position and potentially having a procedure, would you still want your long-distance partner to make the trip, or would you rather postpone the visit?

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m too emotionally involved to know whether I’m reading this fairly.

There are so many things that can happen in this world. We have had a bad week. Bad things happening to him this past week. An illness, a broken bone, that kind of thing. Tonight I am kept up, almost obsessing over these things. How he is 5 thousand miles away and I can't protect him. How can I stop this from eating at me? I've been crying all night, and I just feel so upset. I just don't ever want anything to happen to him, and I feel so helpless to stop the bad things from happening

I met A six years ago, and despite everything that happened between us, losing him has been incredibly painful.

Our relationship became a cycle of intense closeness and love-bombing followed by repeated ghosting and disappearing. He would often disappear when I was struggling or needed him most, including when I was attacked and nearly killed. He was also absent during other incredibly difficult periods of my life, including when I was grieving my dad.

I gave so much to him over the years — emotionally, financially, sending money and parcels and constantly trying to support him. Yet I often felt that support wasn’t reciprocated. A was very lonely, said he had no friends and hated his family and people generally, and seemed to carry so much anger and self-hatred.

I know the relationship hurt me. I know there were times I should have walked away. But I loved him, and six years of memories don’t just disappear because a relationship becomes unhealthy.
His final messages have made this even harder. He said:
“I love you too, but what’s the point? Everything’s still a right mess anyway.”
He said he was going mad being confined, had nobody in real life, hated himself, was being worn down, and couldn’t even remember what he’d been doing that week.

Then he told me I should have thought about myself long ago, that I couldn’t rely on him, that I was wasting my time on him, and apologised that I hadn’t left him in 2023 when he failed to turn up twice. He said his anxiety had prevented him from flying to see me after I miraculously survived my attack.
And then:
“Just leave me alone I’m pathetic.”
Those words have stayed with me.
I’m angry, heartbroken, confused and still grieving him all at once. I can recognise everything that was wrong and still miss him terribly.
Six years is a long time to have someone woven into your life. I’m struggling to accept that loving someone doesn’t always mean you can save them, or that the relationship can survive.

https://apps.apple.com/au/app/redthread/id6762317751
I wouldn’t listen to my tunes any other way 🙌🏽
Google play coming end October
Socials - redThread.app
www.redthread.com.au

i just need to say that i hate how it never gets easier to drop your partner off at the airport. we just spent the most amazing weekend celebrating our second year anniversary, and i miss him in everything. he's healed things that he never even broke.

does it ever get easier? it's been two years and i feel heartbroken every time

Im a big sucker for those type of messages. I love when he’s putting effort and makes sure everything is gonna be perfect when I’m arriving. I love this man so much. And he’s gonna be specially taking a ferry at 4am so I won’t be have to waiting for him at the airport. I love this man and I miss him so much. But I’m also very happy that I’m gonna see him in a few days. I’m so excited, I just can’t wait! I love himmm so much. I’m so glad I found him

For the more context: we are going on a vacation to Italy first and after that we are going back to France and I’m staying there with him for few days before coming home to Poland

I just had my first stay with my bf after waiting over a year and the goodbye hurts so bad, it’s so so hard. It feels wrong like my home isn’t my home, I feel like I left him behind or something. I’m so scared I’ll forget what it feels like to hold hands before we see each other again next summer. I dread the thought of having to say goodbye five more times atleast before we can close the gap. I’m so frustrated it’s like this. Does it get easier though after the first?

My gf (26f) and I (29m) have been doing long distance now for over about a year. We intend to move next to each other later on once I have the funds.

We talk everyday txting pretty much every chance I’m on my phone, phone calls after work that last about an hour and then again before bed for about an hour. I am starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the calling and I don’t know how else to put it. I love her and don’t want it to seem like I don’t like her or something but last weekend she called me 8 times in a day and today she called me 5 times each call about 30 to 45 min.

I dont know why she feels like she needs to call me so much to talk but I’m starting to get frustrated. I have told her how I feel and tried to set boundaries but it’s just not working. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How do I futile her needs and mine?

TLDR: Shawty calls me too much, how do I ease it back?

My GF and I are long distance. 3 hours apart. it’s hard but we’re making it work. We’ve been dating a year.

Last Saturday night she asked me if she could start making friends with men on “bumble friends”. I asked her why she couldn’t make friends with women, and she said, “I have a hard time making friends with women, men are so much easier to get along with.” I told her that it sounded like she wanted to go on dates with other men. She assured me that “No, it’s not that, men are just easier to be friends with, I don’t want to date anyone but you.” I told her that I wasn’t okay with this, and if she wanted to meet up with other men from “friends” apps, we’d have to break up because it crossed a like for me.

She relented and said that she wouldn’t meet men over friends apps.

I am still turned off by the entire conversation and I am considering breaking up with her. Clearly she is trying to meet other single men one on one and date them.

Thoughts?

Looking for success stories, sad stories, anything.

We're getting married in the US next month, and then need to do decide which country to begin the visa process for...

Only disadvantages are we're both 40 and one of us will essentially be starting our lives over again.

I'm self employed as a tutor.

He's admin.

No "important" roles so to speak.

How hard is it for either of us to find work in Aus and UK once the move happens?