My partner sent me this the other day, and it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly don’t really know why but to me the comment just feels…off. I like to think he meant something genuinely heartfelt but this just feels gross to me.

I (26 F US) finally met my not-boyfriend (28 M Canada). The only thing stopping us from putting a label on things was actually meeting in person. We planned and he bought plane tickets for two visits; one in September, and the next one, to meet my family, in October.

So this weekend he flew 2,000 miles to a city near me. We got a hotel and explored. We had a blast! We got to do so much and we got so much closer. There were no awkward moments between us. Conversation flowed just like it did on the phone. We got to be nerds together at some museums. We had many firsts together on this trip. He also said things to me like “I’ve never felt this strongly for someone before”. But dropping him off to the airport is where things took a turn.

About 5 min before dropping him off I playfully asked “so next time I see you [in October when the next flights are booked], will I be introducing you to my family as my boyfriend?” I thought this was a silly question because of course after a super fun weekend together he’d finally feel ready right? I thought he’d laugh it off and say yes. But he hesitated for a long moment. And he said “I want to say yes, but I’m not sure. I need some time to think about it”. My heart sank. We were at the airport so we kissed goodbye, teared up, and held each other for a long time. And then he was gone.

The thing is, the whole point of this trip was to find out if we had the same chemistry in person as we did online. Which we did. I have so many questions. What does he even need time to think about? Why had he not thought about it before spending so much money to come see me? Why had he not thought about it during the weekend? How can he feel such strong feelings for me and still not be sure that he wants to be my boyfriend? What would even change about our relationship if he had the label boyfriend?

I know this likely has nothing to do with me, but the truth is that when he said he wasn’t sure, it really damaged my self esteem. I had spent the past 48 hours getting so much closer to him, becoming more and more sure that this is what I want. And he had spent the same hours treating me like his girlfriend but truly not feeling “sure”. I feel led on and used. I feel like there must be something wrong with me that he couldn’t tell me to my face. I feel like maybe he just wanted to get laid and was willing to do all of this to make it happen.

I’ve spent all of my past relationships begging for love. I will not start this relationship off the same way. I want my partner to be sure that they want me. I want them to be as into me as I am into them. I want them to have to chase me for once. Him needing time and not being absolutely sure about me gave me all the information I need. When he makes it home we will talk more, but I have already made up my mind. If he wasn’t already sure of me, I don’t think he will ever be sure. It will take some damn good convincing if he decides he wants me to be his girlfriend.

Am I wrong to think he should know by now if he wants to be my boyfriend? Is it wrong to tell him he’s too late if he decides in the next couple days that he wants to be with me? Im just feeling so confused and used.

I been dating my partner for 3 months and we always got along so well as friends and both knew we would end up more than that. He is always so supportive and loving in everything I do, he makes time for me and he always try to listen and grow as a person with me but lately my feelings just changed. I see couples out in public and I long for that. I wish to be taken places, my hand held, deep talks under the clouds or stars and visited and a call away. I will say the two negatives about us is that we are very different timezones and he does not help my anxiety or derealization at all. I struggle badly with that and what helps him, is not what helps me (which is okay!) but he tries to help me with his methods or advice and it makes it worse every time to the put I avoid him when I felt anxious or disconnected from reality. I don’t mean to at all but my mind has been screaming to find someone else who is here with me, also screaming to just avoid us all together but I don’t know if I really want that or if it’s just intrusive thoughts. I will say I don’t get excited about calling anymore and I have been taking more time than usual to get back to him with texting or date games… Any advice or viewpoints? I would appreciate it and you can be straightforward and brutally honest if you want. I probably need it.

My GF and I are long distance. 3 hours apart. it’s hard but we’re making it work. We’ve been dating a year.

Last Saturday night she asked me if she could start making friends with men on “bumble friends”. I asked her why she couldn’t make friends with women, and she said, “I have a hard time making friends with women, men are so much easier to get along with.” I told her that it sounded like she wanted to go on dates with other men. She assured me that “No, it’s not that, men are just easier to be friends with, I don’t want to date anyone but you.” I told her that I wasn’t okay with this, and if she wanted to meet up with other men from “friends” apps, we’d have to break up because it crossed a like for me.

She relented and said that she wouldn’t meet men over friends apps.

I am still turned off by the entire conversation and I am considering breaking up with her. Clearly she is trying to meet other single men one on one and date them.

Thoughts?

I (33F) met someone (35M) online months ago and, despite being on opposite coasts of the US, I *really* like him so far. We haven't met in person yet but we're talking about doing that in the next few months - maybe late this year or early next year. I think the more real the possibilty becomes, the more I find myself thinking about some of the differences between us. He's well established in his career, highly educated, and seems to have a pretty clear trajectory for what he wants his future to look like. Meanwhile, I work in the service industry and don't really have what I'd consider a "career" in the same sense, nor do I have nearly the same level of formal education. I'm financially independent and I don't consider myself dumb or incompetent, but I'm also just not a very career-oriented person. Ask me where I see myself in 5 years and my brain genuinely cannot fathom thinking that far ahead haha. I tend to take life as it comes and focus more on what's immediately in front of me. Sometimes I wonder if the difference between us on paper, and even in the way we approach the future, is bigger than it feels when we're actually talking because, when we are, I find that our morals and values align really well.

For those of you in relationships, how important are things like career, education, income, and professional ambition when choosing a long-term partner? I think one of my biggest insecurities is wondering whether someone more accomplished and driven compared to me might eventually see me as less ambitious or less intellectually compatible because I haven't followed a conventional career or educational path and don't have some elaborate long-term plan for myself. I guess I'm just curious how much those things actually matter to people. Is it enough that your partner is responsible, self-sufficient and has their own thing going on for the most part haha, or do you need them to be on a similar career and educational path as you?

Thoughts?

Everyone, can I ask you?

He will visit my country so we'll get married. Then, after my visa interview, we will move to his country together

2part, How does he apply for a visa if he wants to come see me in my country?

I'm Asian and he's eroupe

I’ve been talking to a guy in the U.S. every day, and we’re starting to get closer. He’s now talking about possibly meeting in person.

The thing is, I haven’t told him yet that I have cerebral palsy. I’m not trying to hide it, I’m just scared it might change how he sees me.

Do you think I should tell him now, before things go any further?

This is not a political post. I'm not here to discuss policy or argue, so please refrain from that (thanks in advance).

What I'm looking for is to hear from others who are in cross-border LDRs right now and how you're managing.

Are you still travelling to see each other, if that was an option before? Is what's going on affecting or putting strain on your relationship at all? What's changed, if anything? Are you doing anything differently?

--

My own situation: I (39F) and my partner (44M) have been in a LDR for close to three years. He's in the US on the west coast, and I'm in Canada in the east. I'm in a position where it's much easier for me to travel for weeks at a time to visit him than it is for him to visit me. What's going on is still putting a strain on me, mostly, because I'm not exactly wild about travelling to the US right now. I fly out on Wednesday for six weeks and I'm feeling pretty gross about it... not because I don't want to see my partner, but because I kind of feel like a traitor. I want to see and spend time with him, but I honestly just don't want to be in the States.

I realize this might be silly. Nothing I do or he does has any impact on the US/Canada situation (minus voting, which we both do). But it's still bothering me more than I would like to admit, and that's before I even start to consider what the long term will look like.

Whole thing just really, really sucks, and I'd appreciate hearing from people in the same boat.

Howdy, me and my partner are looking for fun apps to do together, something like raising a pet together, etc. It doesnt have to be relationship focused but its a plus. We just want something thats co-op, cute and fun to do. Would also love it if we didnt have to pay a ton for it but I understand as well that that is the way a lot of things go these days.

We've been on apps like Candle and stuff but are looking moreso for a game, I guess.

TIA!

My boyfriend recently left to study abroad for several months, and I’m struggling much more than I ever expected to.

I want to start by saying that I know I’ve not handled this well. I’ve been struggling with my mental health generally, and this situation has made everything much worse. I’ve been emotional, angry and, honestly, horrible to him at times. He has actually been incredibly supportive and patient with me throughout this, and I know I haven’t made this easy for him.

I’ve also had experiences in my past that have made it difficult for me to trust people and feel secure in relationships, so I think this situation has brought a lot of those feelings to the surface.

I never told him he couldn’t go. I never gave him an ultimatum or threatened to leave him if he went. I understand why he wanted to go, and I genuinely want him to have the opportunity and do well. But I absolutely hate that he’s gone, and I can’t seem to separate supporting his decision from how hurt I feel about the decision itself.

I think what’s bothering me most is that this was a decision he made while we were already in a serious relationship. It affects both of us, but I didn’t feel like I had much of a say in it. So part of me keeps thinking, “You chose this knowing you’d be leaving me for months. Why couldn’t you choose to stay?”
I know that’s probably not completely fair. He’s told me that he didn’t choose this over me, and that going doesn’t mean I’m not important to him. I do believe that he loves me. But emotionally, I still feel like he chose this over our relationship.

We’ve had arguments about it because he understandably feels like I’m not being supportive, while I feel like I’m being asked to be okay with something that genuinely hurts me. He’s apologised for being dismissive of my feelings, and he has actually been very reassuring. He keeps telling me that he wants me to be part of this part of his life and that he doesn’t want to lose me.
But I’m scared.

I’m scared I’ll spend the entire time he’s away miserable and resentful. And I’m scared that even when he comes back, I’ll still feel like he chose something else over me.

At the same time, I don’t want to destroy a relationship with someone who has actually been loving and supportive towards me just because I’m struggling to cope with this situation.
So I guess I’m looking for advice from people who’ve experienced something similar.

How do you get past resentment when your partner makes a life decision that you understand, but really don’t like?

And for people who’ve done long-distance for several months because of studying/work: did the person staying behind eventually adjust? Did the resentment go away?

I don’t want validation that he’s a terrible boyfriend, because honestly, I don’t think he is. I also don’t want to be told that I’m a terrible girlfriend. I know I’ve handled this badly. I just genuinely don’t know how to process what I’m feeling and get through the next few months without destroying something I don’t actually want to lose.

It was both our faults, I because I hated the distance and asked for more, him because his lack of communication and respect. He would follow girls on social media that made me feel uncomfortable since I don’t know their intentions and he’d text with them. Supposedly nothing inappropriate but when I told him I wanted him to delete them, and I didn’t care they followed him but him following them I was not ok with. Because why would your man be texting other woman 🫩… Anyways he’s in his 40s, I love him, I miss him, it’s only been a week since our breakup, but he got me tickets to fly and see him 2 months ago! He hasn’t blocked me from anything and neither have I! Should I just go and text him when I get there and see what happens, I know crazy, but I just want to try one more time and see what happens. Or should I leave it alone

We met online through an app. Initially, we were friends and sexted, but over time we started talking about our daily lives, personal things, and basically everything. Eventually, he confessed that he had fallen in love with me and talked about how lucky he would be to have me as his life partner. After a few days, I accepted, and we became more serious.

We have never met in person yet.

At the beginning, he even unfollowed every girl from his following lists on all platforms. I’ve always had some trust issues with online relationships, but I genuinely tried to trust him.

The first incident

After around two months, I noticed he had started following a lot of girls again, and some of the accounts seemed suspicious. My instincts told me something was wrong, so I created a fake account myself and followed him.

He messaged the fake account very quickly.

He became friendly with the account and eventually proved it was really him by sending pictures and voice notes. He said he didn't have many friends to talk to, didn't have a girlfriend, and wanted someone to share things with. Eventually, he started bringing up sexting and said it was normal between friends because we don't live close to each other and there wouldn't be any feelings involved.

At that point, I confronted him.

He told me he had been influenced by his friends, that he thought the account might actually be me and that if it were me, I would agree. He also claimed that some of the conversations had been done by his friends. He apologized a lot and said he was genuinely sorry.

I was extremely emotional and attached to him, so I blocked him after the confrontation.

But eventually, we reconciled.

The second incident

After we got back together, I started noticing suspicious things from his side again.

This time, I found out that he had created another fake account on the same app and was talking to a girl.

The girl he was talking to is actually someone I know personally. She told me about the account and showed me what they had talked about.

The important part is that he doesn't know that I know this girl. So he has no idea that I found out about the account through her.

He also shared certain details with her that were things only I knew about him, which made me strongly suspect that it was actually him behind the account.

I haven't confronted him about this second incident.

And I haven't broken up with him either.

That's where I'm completely stuck.

The confusing part is that he isn't generally toxic or aggressive toward me. He's supportive, gentle, and calm. He talks about our future so naturally, says he wants me in every lifetime, and even asked whether he should tell his family about me. I told him it was too soon and that we should meet first and get to know each other properly.

He also started working part-time and told me he wanted to be able to do things for us himself. Whenever I get angry or emotional, he usually stays calm and listens rather than fighting with me. In many ways, he seems mature and serious about me.

What makes this even more confusing is how genuine he feels when we actually talk. When we're on calls, especially when we talk about our future, careers, things we want to do together, or even marriage, he sounds so natural and sincere. Those conversations don't feel forced to me at all. He seems genuinely excited about having a future together.

And that's what makes me question everything I've found out.

I keep thinking, if he's actually this serious about us, then why would he do these kinds of things? Why talk so seriously about our future and make plans with me, while also creating other accounts and talking to other girls?

Sometimes I start doubting every little thing I've found out. I wonder if I'm missing some explanation or misunderstanding something, because the person I experience on our calls feels so different from the person I see through these other accounts.

So in my head, I'm constantly stuck between two versions of him: the person who feels genuine, loving and serious about our future, and the person whose actions make me question whether I really know him at all.

And that's exactly why this is so difficult for me.

I know what most people are probably going to say: leave him, he's manipulating you, you're being stupid, have some self-respect, etc.

And maybe they're right.

But I'm not asking because I don't understand that his behavior is a huge red flag. I'm asking because I genuinely don't know how to leave someone I'm this emotionally attached to.

I'm scared I'll hurt him. I'm scared I'll regret it. I'm scared of being alone because he's become such a huge part of my life. And despite everything, there are so many moments where he is loving, supportive and makes me feel understood.

So what would you do in my situation?

How do you actually find the courage to leave someone when part of you still loves them and doesn't want to hurt them?

And should I confront him about the second fake account before leaving, especially since he doesn't know that I know the girl he was talking to? Or should I just leave without explaining everything?

There are so many things that can happen in this world. We have had a bad week. Bad things happening to him this past week. An illness, a broken bone, that kind of thing. Tonight I am kept up, almost obsessing over these things. How he is 5 thousand miles away and I can't protect him. How can I stop this from eating at me? I've been crying all night, and I just feel so upset. I just don't ever want anything to happen to him, and I feel so helpless to stop the bad things from happening

It’s probably just hope, but I’m convinced that he is going to come back to me. It’s this deep gut feeling that we’re not over yet.

I’m trying to process, and focus on myself, but I can’t escape this feeling. It has been three months and I still feel it. He’s already dating again and we have been NC the entire time, so nothing points to him coming back, and yet I’m so sure he will.

Why is my brain set on making the pain last longer??

After I met my long distance partner 6 months later , we had a great time the first 2 days and on the third day we decided to get intimate and that’s when everything changed. He cared less , he asked that I leave his hotel and come back when he’s back from another city that he went touring , I found that a bit strange because the initial plan was to go to that city together and after I left he has not bothered calling or texting me . Am I overthinking this ?
I tried to reach out by texting or calling and he wasn’t responding until I used a different number and he then picked up on that number.

I met a guy on reddit, and it was sooo sooo random tht he almost ghosted me for two weeks and i thought he'll never come back online.

Bt bt he did, i mean ofc so i got to post this 🙈🧿

And from booking tickets for a flight and cancelling it coz times didn't match to bhaadh mein jaye sab, just come we'll make time for each other....

We finally met after 9 months🌷

You knowwwwww whttt just when I saw him irl i felt who's this stranger? Will I be comfortable with him? And tht awkward silence when we met , the eye contacts were enough to get butterflies in my tummy bt i was in disbelief tht someone flew for me to just see me (ek jhak dekhne ke liye😳).

And everything got settled down slowly, and got soaked in his love 🙂‍↕️✨(theek h yaar thoda cring hai bt first time hai yaaar someone putting efforts for me 🥺)

Bt yes maybe we love each other more now.

I still think it was just a dream...

Hope we meet soon.

🧿✨🌷🎀

Im a big sucker for those type of messages. I love when he’s putting effort and makes sure everything is gonna be perfect when I’m arriving. I love this man so much. And he’s gonna be specially taking a ferry at 4am so I won’t be have to waiting for him at the airport. I love this man and I miss him so much. But I’m also very happy that I’m gonna see him in a few days. I’m so excited, I just can’t wait! I love himmm so much. I’m so glad I found him

For the more context: we are going on a vacation to Italy first and after that we are going back to France and I’m staying there with him for few days before coming home to Poland

I don’t have an LDR at the moment but I did a couple years ago but sadly did not work out. I met her on OkCupid. I’m curious though, how did you guys meet your partners? On a dating app, in person, through gaming, on Reddit… 😂

Edit: thank you for your responses, I appreciate it!

I’m 25F, he’s 27M, and we’ve been LDR for about six weeks now. Before he moved, we saw each other all the time. I miss having him around obv, but I really miss the physical stuff too. I miss having sex with him!! I miss being able to just reach over and touch him whenever I wanted.

It's been six weeks I havent seen him, I feel like I need that physical interaction, it doesnt have to be sexual. I’m distracted, horny, kinda miserable, and sometimes i feel cranky and let it out on him even tho he hasn’t done anything wrong, the feeling is like a never ending pms.

How do you guys deal with missing physical interaction this much? Is there anything that helps you feel close when you’re miles apart? something that ceases that touch craving feel. Also, wouldnt consider an open relationship or smth like that.

We closed the gap in April, got married in May and just bought a house! We met online about three years ago. I just wanted to share some advice based on our experience, maybe someone will find it helpful.

1) Spend time in calls "doing nothing". Alongside watching stuff together, listening to music, talking, scrolling and playing games, we also spent a huge amount of time just on a video call each doing our own thing. Looking up and just seeing your partner reading/drawing/working/cooking/cleaning and exchanging a few words here and there is good preparation for everyday life.

2) On the flip side, schedule date nights. An evening every 1-2 weeks reserved only for each other. Order each other food, get some wine and snacks, settle in for a movie. We also enjoyed using intimacy cards that have random questions for couples.

3) Meet as soon as possible. It's reassuring to know the physical chemistry is there. It's important to see how they interact with people in public, not just with you.

4) Plan to keep the first meeting short and make it easy to stay separated if you need. I visited for just 3 nights and booked my own hotel. Acknowledge beforehand that the chemistry might not be there, so nobody feels pressured into pretending, or worried the other is pretending. If you're traveling far and for a longer time, like 2 weeks, make plans for if you end up not wanting to spend the whole time together.

5) Check in often. How are you feeling about us? What doubts do you have? (it's normal to have them). Are you still wanting to keep investing in this?

6) Have the big conversations early on. Kids, finances, intimacy, health, marriage, visas, family, household roles, friends, jobs, ofc who will move. LDR is a HUGE investment of time and travel expenses. Do not invest in someone who logistically is not a good match, no matter how much love there is.

7) As time goes on, move away from "vacation mode" when visiting. Go shopping together, clean, cook, run errands. Meet their friends, see what they're like. Family, if possible.

We've come such a long way, it's been such a crazy journey. Some things have been so incredibly difficult. But I'm so grateful!

Best of luck!

i just need to say that i hate how it never gets easier to drop your partner off at the airport. we just spent the most amazing weekend celebrating our second year anniversary, and i miss him in everything. he's healed things that he never even broke.

does it ever get easier? it's been two years and i feel heartbroken every time