I (34M) have been dating the most wonderful woman (F24) for nearly five years now and have been so fortunate to have almost zero relationship issues since the day I met her. We've talked about marriage and getting more serious recently, and my lady and I couldn't be more on the same page... until the topic of starting a future family together came up.

We've both made offhand comments and jokes about one day having children together, so I had always assumed it was a definite future plan. However, things got a little hostile during a conversation we had after her work party this weekend. I'll admit that we were both a little tipsy (she works for an accounting firm, so you know everyone was cutting loose at the event) so our words may have been more blunt than normal. Essentially, I made a half-joke about naming our hypothetical future son Jason (an homage our favorite SNL alumni Jason Sudeikis) and she responded that we might not get to name our child if we're adopting. I said something along the lines of "What do you mean adopt? Are you afraid of the pregnancy process and looking a little bloated for a few months?" (not my smoothest, I know) and she started to get choked up and told me she didn't want to talk about it until we got home. I then pried where I shouldn't have pried and she told me the truth.

Essentially, while she loves me more than the moon and back, she wants to adopt because of my genetics. I have a pretty awful set of allergies not limited to nuts, shellfish, citrus, pollen, gluten, etc. It's not the severity that is so bad, rather just the extensive list of things I cannot eat nor be in the same room as for safety. She's done an amazing job of being supportive towards this for our relationship (even gave up her childhood ritual of eating Snickers bars in bed on Saturday nights) but giving me a biological child is where she draws the line in the cement. I can understand her position, but it makes me feel hollow and achy inside when I reflect on what she wants here.

Lastly, I want to say I am by no means anti-adoption, I think we would make great parents (when we're ready in a year or two). I just always dreamed of having a biological son who shared my own physical features that I've grown to love about myself. I tried to smooth things over this morning by telling her that "if we have a kid with my DNA then we very well might have a professional kickboxer to support us when we grow old" but it just upset her more because she's never been much of an athlete/sports fan like me. I don't think it was the comment that upset her, more just the fact that she's stressed in general over this conversation.

I can clarify any particular questions you all might have, but I guess this is the part where I ask y'all for advice? I will do anything to get my way or reach a compromise. Breaking up is not an option because otherwise we are perfectly happy and always will be. This is just the hump on the camel's back that we have to get over.

I’m getting an abortion today but I’m on edge about my decision. I want this baby but financially I don’t think I’m able to have my baby. I don’t want to give my baby an unfair childhood. I don’t know if what im about to do is the right decision. My partner is in full support of whatever I choose to do but ultimately idk what choice to make. Listen to my heart or listen to my brain? Think emotionally or logically?

I’m a 25 year old guy, and I recently found out that I may be getting a job. Nothing is officially confirmed yet, but apparently the company wants me.
Honestly, I’ve been pretty sad about it because I don’t want a job.
I know some people might call me spoiled or lazy, so let me explain.
I’m a Gulf Arab and I live with my parents. This is completely normal in my culture. It’s common for people to live with their parents well into adulthood, sometimes until marriage or longer, so please don’t make that the focus. My parents aren’t forcing me to work because I’m a burden on them or because they want me to move out. That’s not the situation. I’m not asking them for money either I have my own income.
For the past 2.5 years, I’ve been receiving around $651 USD per month from the government. I know it won’t necessarily last forever, but currently it allows me to live a pretty simple life with a lot of control over my time.
I go to the gym, see my friends, go out, cook my own food, and generally do whatever I want with my day. And honestly, I’ve never looked better or felt better.
When I was in university, I didn’t take care of myself nearly as well. I ate terribly, didn’t work out, and became overweight. Looking back, I don’t want to go back to that version of myself.
The job would pay around $2,600 USD/month to start, which obviously is much more money. But I’d be working 7 hours a day, 5 days a week.
And that’s what bothers me.
Even if I only have 2–4 hours of actual work to do, I’d still have to sit there for the rest of the time. Those hours aren’t mine anymore.
I’d also have less time to cook, go to the gym, and take care of myself. I might have to start paying for prepared meal plans just to maintain the lifestyle I’ve built.
So yes, I’d be making an extra ~$1,950 a month, but I’d be trading a huge amount of my time for it.
And I know some people will say, “Then start a business, invest, freelance, find passive income, etc.”
But that’s the thing: I don’t have a passion or ambition for any of that either. I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
I don’t have a dream career. I don’t have some business idea I’m dying to pursue. I don’t have some huge ambition.
I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want.
And I don’t want to spend 7–8 hours a day working simply because that’s what society has normalized for generations. I know the 8-hour workday has historical roots in the Industrial Revolution and labor movement, and I understand why it became normal. I just don’t personally understand why I should want that life for myself.
I know my parents want what’s best for me, and I appreciate that. But I don’t know if this is what’s best for me.
I’m honestly pretty lost.
So I’m curious:
Am I being spoiled and unrealistic for valuing my time more than money?
Have any of you felt this way in your 20s? Did your perspective change as you got older?
I’m genuinely looking for thoughtful perspectives.

(Edit: I do understand where my parents are coming from. They mainly want me to have a stable and reliable source of income rather than depending on a government allowance that could be reduced or cut off at some point. I understand their concern, and I know they’re trying to look out for my future. I just don’t know if the trade off is worth it for me, because I value having control over my time so much.)

(This post was reorganized with the help of AI because English isn’t my first language.)

For context, I’m married, I have one child with another on the way, I own my house, which is a maisonette (in London, with a lot of the mortgage to pay off), I earn £73k, about to go £82k with a job change, but I feel I am just miles off where I should be and just feel so lost. I’ve got about £6.75k in a stocks and shares ISA, I invest when I can (some months I can’t), I have a few thousand in savings and the rest is in the house (we did renovations). Our houses value is now well above what we paid, and we’d get a good return if we sell (we don’t plan to stay in London forever). I also have to pay nursery fees, which are a lot. I just feel I am miles off where I should be now, and I don’t want to keep working for ages, I want to retire as soon as I can. But honestly, with the job I’ve had and my current savings…I’m nowhere near being anything like this and I’ll be stuck in a job (who knows how long my current career will last) until I’m old. I’m really bored of my corporate job now and it doesn’t even pay well enough to justify the amount of time I waste there and hate it.

Has anyone felt the same and found a career they went into that was actually decent, paid well enough and was not a complete corporate bore? And don’t suggest electricians or similar, as I feel im too late for that.

My life is stable, but sucks. Things have been rough and I don't know where to go or how to fix things. So when my boyfriend asks me, or I need support I tell him what's going on, which is usually something bad. He recently told me he feels like I vent to him, so he is left with the and feelings and I leave feeling really good. Which is not the case. Sometimes I tell him what's going on and feel worse because I leave feeling embarrassed that I can't get my life together. I don't know where to go from here. Part of me whats to break up with him so he can be with someone stable and maybe I cant get my life together.

Used to be bold and irreverent. Now I think too much what other people think or feel. How to achieve the elusive balance? I wanna feel like a beast again! I’m seriously desperate for wisdom from those who get it.

Thanks much in advance!

Hello....

I don't know how much more I can take.

I don't have a purpose or a clear goal in life. No dream. No future ahead of me. I know it.

I'm just going day by day at this point trying to survive.

From one end, I want to be recognized and have my efforts appreciated and shown off by others but on the other hand, I want to be invisible so as not to create unnecessary jealousy, gossip and drama between my coworkers and I.

I'm tired of how things are. With everything and everyone. I never thought I'd grow up to reach 18 years and graduate high school let alone 26 years old as of writing this post. I'm severely depressed and exhausted. I don't know what else to do anymore. I have no clear purpose. I want one but I'm completely defeated and lost and think: "it doesn't matter anyways, no one will bat an eye at you so don't even try.."

I want to have a driver's license and possibly a motorcycle/car but i dont see myself as capable enough to drive either... I'm short so I dont know which motorcycle I could possibly handle.. I'm a whole mess...

What can I do besides a psychiatrist/medication?

I feel like all my critical thinking is gone whenever I'm medicated. I hate it all so much. My body, my face, my voice. I'm not feminine enough, never have been. I never attract guys from my nationality. They all think I'm lame and boring and a nobody. Ugh.. I don't know anymore...

Please, I'd love some input...thanks for reading this far!

I've been working a 9-6 job for 5 years now with a basic salary at different companies, but it's always been a desk job, not physically draining. But that's not making me enough money, especially with growing expenses. Will it be a dumb decision to leave an easy job in my home country and move abroad for a job that's physically draining and repetitive, completely out of career? But allows me to save money

21 years old and I genuinely don’t know what to do with life always got dark thoughts stuck making 25/hr but no joy in life other than booze and friends anyone else start off like me? Where did you take it

What would you do in this situation?
Long story short, my brother-in-law was arrested for enticement of a minor. He took a plea deal and is not a registered sex offender, but regardless of the legal outcome, I’m not comfortable having him in my life or at my wedding.

I’ve distanced myself from my sister because she chose to stay by his side. I’m getting married and made it clear that she and her kids are invited, but he is not.
My mom told me that if my sister doesn’t come because he isn’t invited, she won’t come either. I completely blew up on my mom because I feel like she is choosing to support this situation over respecting my boundary on my wedding day.

At this point, I honestly feel like I’d rather just stop associating with both of them for a while. I don’t plan on talking to my mom unless there is a genuine apology and acknowledgment of how hurtful this has been.
What would you do if you were in my position? How would you handle your mom and sister moving forward?

I am 24 years old reaching 25, am doing a side job which i am not happy about. need help in gaining proper job but i dont know what i like and shat my ambition is and what i really like.

Currently facing a stage of depression, really unhappy with my life and totally alone got no friends to depend on or any family. The people who call me are those who want done by me or those who wanna use me.

I need a proper advice and a proper path way in life.

Last 4 months in 40s and I was just laid off my job of 26yrs! I mean mind blown! I had this idea of documenting this time of my life bd calm is 'Level 50 Loading' but i wasn't expecting being laid off as part of the story.

So now, im looking at it as a fresh start, a new beginning to start over and let the rest of my life be the best of my life.

To start, I'm packing up my car and moving to Denver, which i affectionately call, my happy place. I don't know anyone, have a job lined up, or a place to stay. What i do have is God's word that He'll never leave or forsake me.

With that said, please talk me cuz I'm nervously excited. And would love to here what you'd do in this situation. No kids or anything holding me back.

What would you do in my shoes?

I havent drank liquor since i got blackout drunk at my old house last year and hit my head really bad and bled everywhere. Im thinking i want to buy some mini everclears and mix them with coke zero.

Also, dominos new pizza... or no? i could go either way.

To me, a normal person would be able to drive 4 hours alone with no problems.

I, can not do that and it makes me feel like I am not normal.

I’ve had driving anxiety for a while now but it only comes up if I’m driving alone for like an hour. Anything under and I can usually manage it.

The problem is, my partner is currently 4 hours away from me and it’s been a while since I last saw them.

I would love it if I were normal, and I could make the drive all by myself both ways, but I don’t know I guess the fear has taken over.

When I’m alone on the highway I get a massive wave of anxiety, like somethings wrong and I can’t do it. Or my intrusive thoughts would overwhelm me and I can’t do it. Whatever form of anxiety it seems to be, it prevents me from driving alone, on the highways for over an hour.

I have decided to attempt the drive sometime this year. Not only to prove to myself and others that I can do it, but in an attempt to rid myself of this anxiety once and for all, in an attempt, to be normal.

If anyone has any advice or helpful tips for managing this I’d really appreciate it. I’m not sure how I proceed if I have an anxiety attack 20 minutes into the drive or 2 hours into the drive. My biggest fear is it happens halfway and I’m just stuck with the paralyzing fear of driving either way.

I am going to do this. I know I am. I just don’t know how.

M - Gay
The first time we met and hooked up they told me that they liked younger and showed me a video on twitter of someone younger yeah, but was 18, I told him I wasn’t into that kind of stuff and he respected it an moved on, yeah it wasn’t my cup of tea but I didn’t judge he told me it was just fantasy and 18 is of “legal age.” So he wasn’t doing anything wrong legally this time though I was changing a video we put on scrolling through his telegram to see what kind of stuff he liked and saw the videos, at first I thought the resolution was bad and I opened one. He saw the look on my face and tried to explain it, which I guess the explanation explains why he does what he does but the way he was talking about it just seemed wrong, and I basically said I hated it and they shouldn’t exist, they have no say or no clue what’s going on, I won’t go into detail but when I see a kid, I just see a little person not understand what’s going on in my altered state of mind I kept going back opening it telling myself that I’m really seeing what I’m seeing. I brushed it off for the night and when I went home I fell asleep. But now this morning sober I feel sick, in both stages of mind I just knew that this isn’t something I can brush off and write off as a weird guy likes weird things I’ve met people with a bunch of kinks and not all of them I’ve given the old college try, just respectfully declined to do those things, but I knew I had to report him. It was weird because he seemed nice, we’ve had conversations about life and yeah drugs are bad but it’s been cool vibes started thinking maybe I can learn a thing or two but then actually seeing how far it goes that it’s not just something in your imagination, I was clueless on what to do. I feel like throwing up the images in my head will never go away, it makes me confused and angry because I see no possible reason that this would turn anyone on, even in my absolutely fried state of mind, I couldn’t think my name but I knew something I wanted no part of is in front of me and I want it gone.
Overall feeling, scared for my safety, and that my actual soul is gone.
I can’t bring myself to open my front door and go to work but I knew I had to report him, so I made an anonymous report. I know I’m probably losing my job today, took yesterday off to go hang for the day. Best reason to get clean if I ever needed one. I feel like even going straight vanilla at this point isn’t even enough. I’m into trying out different kinks with other ones on my “blacklist” things I will not do or try, I tried to write it off the first time but now I feel like I can’t even look at x-rated anything for the rest of my life.

I've been talking with my therapist about this for the past month, and she is very supportive of me and agrees with my plan, and thinks my feelings regarding this person are warranted. No matter how much I talk about this in therapy, it never feels like it's enough, so I come here for further support and advice.

So there's this friend I've known for the past decade of my life, let's call them Sam. We are both in our early 20s. Early on, I think that we were codependent, but as I have went to therapy and they didn't I grew out of that dynamic and they have not. Sam has a tendency to copy everything I do. I understand that mirroring is normal in every relationship, we all do it, and I actually love introducing my friends to things I enjoy, but the extent of their mirroring honestly goes into pathological territory. Every time I see them in person, everything I wear is carefully examined, they notice what kind of belt I'm wearing, shoes, pants, anything, and odds are they will later try to find the exact same one and start wearing it. I think they have caught onto the fact that I sound a bit pissed when they ask me for the thousandth time what brand it is knowing full well they're gonna get the same thing in a few weeks, so they don't even say anything, they somehow track everything down anyway. They went to the same college course as me despite having no interest in the subject matter prior to that. When I told them were I want to move after I graduate, they started saying that they also want to move to that country. They occasionally make weird creepy flirty remarks towards me despite knowing my sexual orientation and that I would not be interested in them. They seemingly have no interest in dating, but every time I told them that I'm seeing someone, suddenly, they tell me how they started talking to a certain person again. They have 20/20 vision, but since I have to wear glasses, they have expressed interest in getting glasses "just because". This would make me feel so weird that I stopped wearing glasses around them. I bought a $200 office desk for my room, they got the exact same one, down to the same color. They copy all of my social media profiles. Every time I notice they mirror me, I feel so weird. They seem to have a very good memory of everything I tell them, they take my opinion, somehow remember it word for word, and tell it to others, like they are downloading my personality and using it to talk to others. Since they took the same college course as me, and take the same transport there as me, we have basically been inseparable the past few years. I made no new friends in college because every time there is a new person I immediately get third wheeled and I can hear how everything I've told them in the past is now being quoted verbatim to the third person, it honestly feels so creepy to me. I get that I could have done better myself and it isn't entirely their fault, but I do feel like there have been a few "stolen friendships", as if those people liked an imitation of me, they sure would like me too. I just let this person have it all as I don't feel like fighting over a friendship (that feels weird) and I just figured hey I'll find my own people eventually, but it happens every time.

I'm not the only person who has picked up on all of this, a few acquaintances I meet when I'm out and about point out how cute it is that we "twin" in everything. Everywhere I have went for the past few years, I was shadowed by this person and it feels so suffocating.

I am starting a new course next week to hopefully get a job in a new field as I realized the field I was studying was not for me but I did graduate. I have been no contact with this person for the past two months and I haven't told them about my decision, I just can't do that shit anymore, but in the past week I've had two nightmares that on my first day I look around and they are there, that I can't catch a fucking break. I'm currently in no contact with them so on paper there's no way for them to know, but they go to the same hairstylist as me (I wonder why) and I have told her about my new career direction, I worry that when they were talking, and that was enough for them to find out somehow and register for the course I'm going for (it's very specific). Last time we talked they said they're already looking for a job, but I would not be surprised if them knowing about my realization about myself that they would also suddenly have a quarter life crisis and enroll, especially as my new field is something they expressed an interest in in the past. I'm scared to go outside these past few weeks in case I see them as I have been avoiding texting them.

Honestly, the whole friendship has been built on very unstable grounds and I feel like I have outgrown this person and even if it weren't for this, I want to meet new people in my life and do my own thing. Besides, this person has exhibited very weird violent tendencies/ideation in the past (I don't really want to get into that...) and I don't feel safe confronting them, not to mention how easy it is to just deny my feelings and make me seem like I'm just petty or think I own everything I like (I'm just I sound crazy just writing this). I'm happy to have difficult conversations with people when I feel it is worth it, but I don't feel like the benefits of having this dialogue are worth the risk. I just want this person to leave me alone. I'm so tired. Any advice is much appreciated, or if anyone simply has stories of something like this happening to them.

I work a lot I know that’s probably a reason but some shifts I do are 16 hours long and other times 12 and 8 hours back to back, I also don’t sleep enough.

on my off days I find myself extremely tired, and sometimes even sad, like not normal sad but balling my eyes out in my bed sad.

any advice??

I want kids, a wife. I bought my house two years ago and am struggling to make ends meet. I take all the ot I possibly can. i’m a service tech with coke. ive lost 135 lbs in the last year. why do i still feel like a loser.

I just generally don’t like him? He wasn’t very great when I was a kid, used to scream at me and my brothers, abused my mom and would hit her and they would have explosive fights lasting weeks where one of them would leave the house and kick eachother out or we would all go stay at my moms friends home. He is fine now I guess? He’s not abusive anymore, just? neutral? He has good moments and some days where i don’t get thrown into a blind rage speaking to him, but he can just be so fucking annoying and rude. He’s incredibly paranoid about everything all the time and terrified of everything, and tries to constantly control me even though I’m 21 because I live at home. He does offer me a lot of financial assistance (I live at home while i’m in school full time and have a full time job, use his car, eat some groceries at home but mostly I buy all my own groceries). He does work very hard and supports our family mostly on his own, but he’s just such a miserable asshole to be around. He always thinks he knows better than everyone around him. He will always talk down to me and just be snide and rude towards me for the smallest shit. He refuses to accept when I am right about anything. For example, if we are on a train and i say the next one is our stop, he argues and says he knows it’s not our stop, then when we get off and it’s obviously the wrong stop, he’s mad and refuses to acknowledge he was wrong. He constantly talks down to me and acts like I am an idiot. He thinks I am ungrateful for how he supports me financially, but I am very grateful for that! I just can’t fucking stand being around him because he’s a miserable asshole, and he always gets mad at everyone over ever little thing. He is extremely controlling and if one little thing is done the wrong way he just freaks out. I can’t even try to help him do anything, if he’s cooking with anyone he starts screaming at them for doing it wrong. Every little thing is a massive deal to him and he’s just always yelling. He thinks that he’s allowed to be rude and snide because “he’s right” even when he’s NOT! I just can’t stand it and I really don’t like being around him. I try to have a good moment with him or spend time with him, and no matter what the fuck it is or how relaxing it could be he finds a way to get angry and yell. I cannot stand it and I honestly have no motivation to seek out any interaction with him once I move out. I would love to bring this up to him and tell him that I don’t like being around him because he’s always angry and freaks out over everything, but he is so insecure that I know this would just make him think I use him for his money and don’t appreciate anything he does for me. This isn’t true, i’m grateful, I know he loves me, but he is truly miserable to be around. Is there anything I can do? What would you guys do? Would you quietly just go low contact? Would you tell him? i’m just not sure what to do?

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this.

Last night i(17tm) killed myself in my nightmare. i have ptsd and get nightmares every night ranging from recreations of my trauma to very strange nightmares that wouldn't make sense in the real world. My nightmare wasn't one that recounted a specific trauma, but at the end i ended up having to kill myself. it was graphic and i wont go into too much detail but the main thing is i was completely unable to move/feel after my head hit the ground. My thoughts and sight were foggy and i woke up when i fully passed away. I've had dreams where i die before and it's hurt and sucked and all that stuff but this time when i woke up i was unable to move and feel anything, i couldn't see and my thoughts were foggy. i was unable to turn off my very loud and disruptive alarm because I couldn't move. I have never experienced sleep paralysis before and it lasted around thirty minutes to an hour.

Clearly, i can move now, but i have to think about every breath, and I don't genuinely believe that I'm alive. I have felt this way after similar nightmares before, but the feeling has gone away quickly and I've recovered fine. I still don't believe I'm alive and I don't know if i should say goodbye to my family while my body is still moving or if i should try to go on like normal even though it doesn't matter because I'm dead.

I want to tell my boyfriend about this but i worry he won't understand. the thought of trying to talk to him makes me upset because I'm dead and it'll only hurt him more when he realizes too that I'm deceased.

I know that because my body is moving and that my brain is working that i should be alive but i just genuinely don't believe i am. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm a 45 m who has been married for over twenty years and I am miserable. I hate my home life. I hate my work life, especially after losing the part time job i absolutely loved. I'm in a dead-end job that doesn't pay enough. I'm able to pay my bills but have next to nothing left over to pay for repairs on my house or car. I feel like I lose everything and everyone that matters. I'm no longer IN love with my wife, not to say I don't care about her but at this point we are pretty much roommates. I am in love with another woman who I can't figure out if she actually cares about me or not. And all of my stress over everything above along with other stuff is causing me to shut down and not take care of things I need to. I feel like my life is falling apart and there is no path to getting back to a semi-normal, happy place. I'm just ready to shut down but I need to keep moving forward, just not sure how

I'm a man 18 years old, about 10 months ago my girlfriend cheated on me for a new man. After that it took a while to recover but I tried talking to other girls. I started talking to this new girl and things were going well for a good few months. I was out tonight with friend and it almost happened like a movie scene. I saw my ex with her man and turned around to see the girl | thought liked me getting with HER ex, while her friends looked back and forth. I just felt worthless and humiliated. No matter how hard I try I'm not a "player" or a guy who just gets with girls. I can't chat to women in nights out like my friends do and I just tend to get attached and put too much emotion into people, which ends up being the reason I never end up happy. I feel lost and unable to enjoy nights out after that, which are upcoming. I know I'm going to see both of them again....

TLDR My friend and I have been friends for four years after briefly dating when we first met. There’s always been flirting/sexual tension between us, but we’ve both dated other people. I recently visited him abroad and we spent a week basically acting like a couple and hooking up. Now I’m wondering whether I should tell him I want to try actually dating, or whether I’m getting carried away after an intense week together.

For some context, my friend and I have known each other for four years. We originally met on Tinder while we were both at university and dated briefly. Neither of us was really in the right headspace for a relationship at the time, so we decided we were better off as friends.

That said, our friendship has never been entirely platonic. We’ve always been very flirty with each other and have exchanged pictures/sexts over the years, although we’ve both dated other people during that time.

A few years ago, he moved to another continent for work. Last week, I flew out to visit him.
We spent the week sharing a hotel room, doing activities together, going out drinking, and hooking up. And honestly, it was so much fun. I felt incredibly comfortable around him, and I got the impression he felt the same way around me.

The whole week felt very \*couple-y\*. At the same time, whenever people we met assumed we were together, we both made a point of saying that we were “just friends.”

He’s planning to move back home in about a year, and we already have plans to see each other a few more times before then. Since coming home, I’ve realised that I genuinely want to give dating him another shot. But I’m struggling with whether I should actually say something or whether I’m just caught up in the intensity of spending a week together.

Part of me thinks: we already have the friendship, attraction, sexual chemistry, and apparently enjoy travelling/living in each other’s pockets for a week, so why \*wouldn’t\* I at least ask whether there could be something more here?

But I also really value our friendship. I don’t want to make things awkward or potentially lose him if he doesn’t feel the same way.

So, how would you approach this? Would you tell him directly that you’re interested in trying dating again, or wait and see how things develop over the next few visits?

And for anyone who has been in a similar friends-to-lovers/FWB situation: how did you distinguish genuinely wanting a relationship from just being infatuated after an intense time together?

She was my first and only true love so far, and me hers.

For context: my ex and I met in middle school, 8th grade and quickly became very close friends. We shared laughs, jokes and were texting all the time and really liked each other. After about 8 months of this, I finally asked her to be my girlfriend at the start of freshmen year. Our relationship quickly hit a wall when her parents read our texts (me being mean in a teasing way, as well as sexual texts) and decided that I was verbally abusive and simply wanted her for 18+ activities. This could not have been farther from the truth. We told them we broke up and kept dating in secret for 2 years. My parents also did not approve of the relationship due to it being a biracial relationship and my dad did not talk to me for a month until I lied and said we broke up. (Same time period as when her parents found out). So for the next two years her and I dated in secret, rarely seeing each other out of school, only at group hangouts a handful of times. Nevertheless we were closer than humanly possible with each other and spent every day together, and all day every day texting when we were apart. There were absolutely zero boundaries between us. I was her and she was me. This lead to me being controlling of her as well as both of us becoming extremely codependent. We argued a decent amount, but underneath that we loved and cared for eachother so strongly we failed to see it was not working out until it reached a breaking point.

I do not want to get into the details of the specific event that lead to the breakup as it was very messy, but overall, it was an action that I took that caused her to end it. (No cheating or anything like that don’t worry.) we talked one last time a week after this event , with me thinking we’d be able to save it but her only confirming and solidifying the breakup. We embraced, held each other crying together for an hour, and shared our final kiss.

Unfortunately we broke up the 4 days into our junior year. The timing could not have been worse and completely wrecked the entire school year for me.

The aftermath was a disaster. For the following 5 weeks she gave mixed signals as if she did not know how to be apart. Neither of us did. We even ended up having a long conversation at the end of those 5 weeks and shared another kiss. The following week she became extremely distant and seemed to be avoiding me. At the end of that week during the weekend she decided to get with my friend and I found out the next day from a friend. It destroyed me, especially after thinking I could save us following the good 5 weeks we had been having.

The following 4 months were nothing but hell for me. I got into drugs to try to escape the pain that never went away. Prior to this I was the cleanest person ever, never drank never smoked, and could never even dream of touching substances. This period lead to my friends distancing themselves from me after I pushed them away for trying to get me out of it.

Until 5 months later, my ex came back into my life. It started with plenty of eye contact in the halls for a week (after pretending I didn’t exist for 5 months) which then lead to a conversation. That conversation was the first time we had talked in months and honestly it felt like zero time had passed and nothing happened between us. Once again , it ended in a long passionate kiss. That night she texted my friend she had been hooking up with to tell him she couldn’t talk to him anymore.

Of course this news left me happier than ever, thinking we had a chance at getting together. The following 5 weeks her and I slowly talked more and more here and there, she would call me and we would fall asleep together after talking for hours on the phone. Unfortunately, quite unexpectedly she one day decided she could do it anymore. I didn’t even hear it from her but she decided to have someone else tell me to leave her alone. I had done nothing to prompt this. I gave it a week and called her to see what happened and she said it’s just not what she needed in life at the moment and acknowledged how leading me on hurt me and said she was sorry. I was hurt but I understood and we ended the call after about half an hour on “good terms”.

That was about 5-6 months ago in April of this year. We have not talked since then, and every time we pass each other there I try to pretend not to notice and she does the same.

She had left me in a constant state of anxiety and stress until our final phone call where I finally felt that our story had ended and I got closure. There was nothing left to chase. The constant ache and pain had finally gone away. It became more of a sad, nostalgic, and distant memory. Life distracted me and I kept busy and felt that I was finally beginning to be able to enjoy life again. However her memory never fully left, and without fail, multiple times per day, to this day, I have thoughts of her.

They never cause pain or distress and they are more of a neutral passing thought. Yet every now and then, once a month or so, if I dig deep enough and think about it long enough, I end up crying for hours and crying myself to sleep thinking about her.

Our one year breakup anniversary was three days ago. My senior year just started last week and I have been seeing her multiple days a week, I even share a class with her. She has not left my head a single day in the last year since we have been apart.

I know we will not get together again, and I know her and I are such different people now and the girl I fell in love with 3 years ago no longer exists, but she won’t leave my head.

Will this ever end? Will I ever stop thinking about her every day here and there? She is typically one of the first few thoughts in my head when I wake up still. Even tho I no longer love her or see her like that.

When will this end and how can I move on.

TL;DR: got dumped by first love I was codependent and it’s been a year and I still think abt her every day. How and when will this end.

This might be a long story to some. I apologize in advance!

So about a year ago I lost a good job. Throughout the past year I struggled to land another good one. I did a lot of gig like Doordash and Uber to make ends meet and for the most part I pulled it off. I did manage to get behind on the bills and I cut anything that was unnecessary to save money. I have a family of 4 and being the sole provider was tough to say the least but I don't regret anything and would go through hell over and over again for my wife and kids.

A couple of months ago I ended up losing my car and about a month and a half after that I lost my house. My wife and kids had to move into her mother's house and I ended up moving into a mens shelter because there wasn't enough room for me to stay with my family. I've been married for 20 years and becoming separated from my family has been one of the hardest parts of this. I have never been away from them like this. The only shelter that could take me was located 45 minutes away from them. Not having a car to visit and not being able to reliably be there for my wife has caused stress and tension in my marriage. Things are now extremely complicated for us and it could end up crashing my marriage all together. This has added a new level of depression into my already depressed mind. I am only 37m and this marriage has been basically all I know up until this point.

The separation anxiety and the potential loss of my marriage has really messed me up. I'm a social person by nature and having my family and kids around was more than good enough to fulfill my needs of being able to talk to someone and have someone always around me. Now it's the complete opposite. I don't really have any friends at all due to being a father and being home all the time with my family. I have no one to talk to or hang out with or anything like that, that typical person may have to help cope with everything so I sit in silence a lot and dwell on everything that's going on. It's a pretty rough situation for me and the longer this goes on the worse I feel. I could use some new friends and someone to talk to again. It's all new to me considering the 20 years I've spent around my family. So what do I do? What's the best way to cope and distract myself from this already horrible situation. I'm limited on how I can get around and meet with folks for outings and stuff.

I need help finding or making any friends and it sounds stupid I'm sure but I'm not a solitary person and this distance and separation is making me feel like it's the worst I've ever felt in my life period. I feel lost, isolated, empty and I'm in need of some kind of communication, happiness, and joy somehow. So where do I begin? How do I branch out again and find these things while also fighting through the depression and pressure I feel that keeps me to myself. I'm truly lost and I don't know what to do.

Any help with any of this is so greatly appreciated! Like you have no idea. Making a post like this is so alien to me considering I don't spend much time on social media, or I didn't until now. This experience is slowly getting me more involved online. But I just don't know what to do or where to go online to fulfill what I'm looking for.

So thank you for reading this and if you're able to help guide me in the right direction, you have no idea how helpful it would be. And if you're also looking for a new friend, I'm in the market for that too right now and maybe that could be a good thing! Who knows!