r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 12h ago
Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things
I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.
Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.
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u/Sensitive_Progress88 12h ago
"Try dating down", "maybe you're just not attractive ". These men matched with HER. This is a them issue, not a her issue. Men need to stop mindlessly swiping.
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u/OKporkchop 11h ago
I agree with this completely. I'm a dude. I started getting really picky with my swiping yes, I probably didn't get as many "matches" as I could get, but I don't understand why guys just swipe on everything. If you don't think you'll like her, don't waste your time or hers.
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u/CriticalPolitical 10h ago
I think doing that would require too much mental exertion on their part, likely from their perspective
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u/tiny_claw 9h ago
So the baseline expectation for women is too much for men lol. Yeah that tracks actually
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u/ValBravora048 38 | M 8h ago
But they’ll jump through quantum-esque contortions to justify shit*y behaviour…
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u/gingerprop 10h ago
I knew a bloke that moved to London, he used a sausage on a drill to right swipe everything, he actually completed London.
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u/PowerfulMango5799 10h ago
and, lemme guess… is he still an incel?
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u/gingerprop 10h ago
Unfortunately he is incredibly fit, that lures alot in but can't keep a girl around long. More of a friend of a friend to me.
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u/freshlysqueezed93 9h ago
It's so obvious too.
I'm trans, I used to disclose before the first date but got tired of having nice conversations and then being unmatched when I told a guy.
So now it's the first word on my profile, except I still have to disclose before the first date because 95% of guys will insta unmatch if I'm like "Just in case you read my profile and know about my past, right?".
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u/Berdariens2nd 8h ago
I read every profile I swipe on. And if I'm not sure I close the app to come back to it. Also agree. This is absolutely a them issue. These are people who swipe on everyone for whatever reason.
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u/LordKutulu 7h ago
Dudes swipe on everything and filter out after a match, women take the time to filter out pre match. At least thats how it was done around me like 7 years ago when I was on dating apps.
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u/traumatizedfox 12h ago
why are men in this sub reddit so angry and aggressive.. like no wonder they’re single 😭
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u/headorhand69 11h ago
That's why they're in this sub, the sexism is genuinely exponential. They don't get matches, go here, get an echo chamber of 'women bad, only care about height', repeat that, get no matches or no continued dates because of their shitbagerry.
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u/Warm_Swan_793 11h ago
I have been called everything from fat to ugly by people who’ve never laid their eyes on me. I even saw a sprinkle of racism mixed in. Genuinely, psychiatrists are needed all around. I didn’t know it was this bad, lol.
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u/Bludandy 11h ago
And it's only gotten worse as the apps changed their algos.
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u/rattling_rose 9h ago
Oh what's this about the algorithms having changed?😯
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u/Bludandy 9h ago
It's gotten way harder and gamified to actually come across those you have compatability with. If it's something cynical they can do in order to manipulate people for subs, they're doing it.
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u/SadieLady_ 10h ago
Girl I am convinced that MOST men don't actually even like women. The way they act toward us is just awful.
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u/SockofBadKarma 9h ago
"To say that straight men are heterosexual is only to say that they engage in sex (fucking exclusively with the other sex, i.e., women). All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire… those are, overwhelmingly, other men. In their relations with women, what passes for respect is kindness, generosity or paternalism; what passes for honor is removal to the pedestal. From women they want devotion, service and sex.
Heterosexual male culture is homoerotic; it is man-loving."
- Marilyn Frye
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u/WellyRuru 7h ago
I think its more that women terrify them.
Theyre so desperate for validation that society and their parents dont give them that they pre-empt rejection and lash out to push them away.
They sre so scared of getting hurt that they will hurt others first.
It would be tragic if they didnt then keep consuming media and perspectives that make them more hostile and toxic
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u/imageize 11h ago
M here. We're not all like that. A lot of us (hopefully, but not likely a majority, sadly) are decent. Don't give up hope sisters - there are some good men out there and reddit is not a good barometer of good people.
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u/TONDEMO-WONDERZ 9h ago
I’m not subscribed to this sub but it shows up on my feed all the time and I’m convinced it’s essentially an incel sub nowadays
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u/No-Property-4329 12h ago
Before the insanity descends, I just want to affirm that it’s not crazy to expect someone who matched with you to be interested in you. People should only swipe on those they’re actually interested in
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u/Sad-Golf5166 9h ago
This sub when the one who doesn't respond is a woman: she just wants attention, an ego boost, nobody is here to date.
When men are the ones who don't respond: they were probably out of your league, I bet you're fat and ugly
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u/eyehateeveryone666 9h ago
I mean they are matching her, so wouldn’t they think she is attractive ?
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u/freshlysqueezed93 9h ago
I'm trans, I got tired of disclosing before the first date and having great guys unmatch constantly.
Even though it's the first word on my profile 95% guys fail the litmus test and unmatch when I ask if they have checked my profile.
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u/StrbJun79 7h ago
Sorry about how fellow cis men treat you. It’s not ok. It’s fine if people aren’t into it (everyone has preferences and that’s fine) but how trans people get treated isn’t ok. You shouldn’t have to hide who you are, your status, gender etc. but I’ve also heard of many trans people removing it for safety reasons even which is sad 😢
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u/eyehateeveryone666 9h ago
This, I think a site that vetted people’s initiation and reponse rate to matches and took that into consideration would be ideal for most people. Then you know the people are well intentioned and not just there for a dopamine hit
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u/CheezwizOfficial 9h ago
Breeze was a lot better for this! And it bans users who ghost more than twice. It's popular in the Netherlands (it's a Dutch app) and England, and it's started to grow in North America, but has yet to really take off here (North America).
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u/PeachySherbet 7h ago
Second this. I matched with some guys, then they immediately unmatched me after I said hi to them. Like why?? You liked my profile tf
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u/2Consonants1Vowel 7h ago
I'm a man who does get matches but I often find I'm running into the same problem. Getting matches where I don't get responses. Why match with me if they don't have any intent to chat.
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u/MattInMaryland 12h ago
These comments are going to prove the point that post about misogyny was making earlier today.
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u/treesarealive777 12h ago
The same guys who deny misogyny are obviously the misogynists lmao. They think if they deny it, people will read it and go "oh okay. That's fine then".
Its why they get so heated when people are talking about it. They deny they are one because they know people reject misogynists, but they dont want to admit they are the problem, so they just downplay it and get upset when that doesnt work for people.
Non misogynistic men say "Yeah, it sucks men are doing that" And then dont do those things.
Those men arent in the Bumble subreddit whinning about how everybody else is the problem tho
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u/Deathrattlesnake 12h ago
Every time I see these posts it just makes me more and more angry / exhausted. Why bother having a dating app when no one responds?
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u/OrchidFine1335 12h ago
I matched with someone I have seen on reels on socmed randomly that’s in my city recently. I have seen some of his vids where he looked busy with work, but also some about dating here. Told him hey I stumbled upon one of your videos, 2 days almost 3 and still no reply. I wonder what’s going on, sometimes people shouldn’t swipe right if they got no time
But the audacity was he mentioned in his dating reel about how difficult dating is here and I’m like boi you’re part of it lmao
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u/CheezwizOfficial 9h ago edited 8h ago
I saw a Polish IG influencer post that he's looking for a wife and directed people to send in their applications to his email. I was really bored so I wrote a dating resume and personalized cover letter and submitted my application. That was in January... he's still making posts about looking for a wife and I have yet to hear back. Like, c'mon now! I didn't even get a confirmation email.
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u/throwawaymta 11h ago
Left in July. Commenting here cause reddit still suggests me these subreddits. Life has been peaceful, I am volunteering and meeting more with friends. I don’t rule out dating apps 100%, but for now, Im repulsed.
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u/ramblingandpie 8h ago
I am not currently on The Apps but Reddit suggests these posts to me and I have to say I love the vicarious drama so I keep coming back.
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u/throwingpurple 7h ago
Same lol. Tried hinge for one day and looked up the sub for it ever since then I’ve been getting all these dating subs recommended to me
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u/fffangold 11h ago
Because it makes them money.
My views definitely keep changing, because it's hard to really tell exactly what's wrong with dating apps. The one thing I hold steady to is that swiping, and gating messaging behind matching, broke dating apps and made them suck for the majority of us. I know that was meant to fix another problem, namely women getting overwhelmed with messages, but since I'm not a woman, I can't really comment on if the situation is better, worse, or just different.
What I can say, as a man, is that the new system sucks for me. In the old OKCupid days, where I could just browse profiles of women, find a few that stood out to me, and send them messages, then rinse and repeat as necessary, it was pretty easy to get a date every week, which is as many as I'd want.
With the new swipe app setup, matches are hard to get, good matches are even harder, and even after a match, whether I get a message back or not feels like a crapshoot, and mostly down to luck.
And I think it's that with the old style apps, being able to communicate back and forth let us create connections, even if small in passing connections, that could lead to more. But now that's gated behind matches, leaving people to go mostly based on appearances (whether of the person specifically, or the profile more generally), rather than actually chatting with a person and getting a feel for them.
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u/SufficientExcellence 6h ago
I miss “old” dating apps, like from ten years ago, so much. The OG version of OKCupid was so much better. It took time and intention. eHarmony had a nice questionnaire part too, to help with matches. They all went to swiping and it’s been a dumpster fire ever since.
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u/treesarealive777 12h ago
Lots of men in this comment section just completely unironically revealing that all they do is project is hilarious.
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u/Antique-Salad7396 11h ago
I don't get why they are do defensive. A woman is showing receipts that she's trying and they defend thus behavior but claim women don't put in any effort. I have figured men out they claim they don't get compliments or attention but that's not true they just don't get compliments and attention from the women they actually want so they disregard the rest.
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u/treesarealive777 5h ago
Yeah. I got into it with some guys in one of these dating app subreddits because men keep saying Women never make the first move and being angry about it.
So Im like, okay, but women do make the first move, I do, and they attacked me for it. Insulted my looks and told me that I dont actually matter because Im not attractive.
Like, women should date down, but also not have high standards because then they're just trying to date out of their league.
They arent genuinely trying to make a connection and are confused when it doesn't work out for them.
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u/Any-Acanthaceae3927 12h ago
What's wrong with Zach? 🤣
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u/cloyskates 11h ago
Maybe he didn’t have anything mentioned in his profile that OP could react to.
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u/GoFigure284 11h ago
OP's edit is exactly one of the reasons why I posted today. So many misogynist men who think a woman just has to be unattractive or matching outside of her league or else men would respond to her. Some of you really need therapy.
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u/DevelopmentInside874 12h ago
Ugh this happens to me too, or they’ll swipe right on me so I start the conversation and then they unmatch me, like why’d you even swipe right to begin with????
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u/argegg 12h ago
If I may, these all read like bot messages
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u/PmButtPics4ADrawing 5h ago edited 5h ago
Yeah I'm guessing this is it.
I'm a guy but I get responses to my openers like 80% of the time, I think both the men and women who never get responses just send openers that are absolute ass. Literally all you have to do is have something interesting to say and talk to them like a normal person
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u/ConfidenceAlone4056 3h ago
100 % this. Before I was reading the details of the post, I thought it was a guy complaining about too many bots on bumble. The only 'normal' one is "hello Zach :)" which is probably the most boring opener you can think of.
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u/itsthejasper1123 5h ago
That’s what I was thinking too but seeing the comments I was scared to say anything 😂
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u/blackpink133 12h ago
I hate this new update lol
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u/who_are_you_people24 12h ago
They've really done all they can to make this yellow tinder, and it's just worse than tinder
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u/LovelyWinter31 11h ago
These comments are so miserable. It’s totally normal for women to also have their messages be ignored. Doesn’t mean we’re ugly or trying to date out of our league either. Y’all need to look within
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u/bludotsnyellow 12h ago
As a woman if you have problems with dating on the sub the response they'll bombard you with is that you are trying to date above your league. And if you are a woman of colour then...
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u/Final_Replacement_37 10h ago
Which is wild because these are MATCHES. So like fuck OP for assuming that men that swiped “yes” on her are interested in her lmao
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u/Psylocybernaut 11h ago
I'm an attractive, fit and healthy woman in her early 30s, with a fun, engaging profile that showcases my personality and this happens to me too.
Some people just aren't interested, and that's okay, but it's definitely not just men that it happens to
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u/Mugstotheceiling 11h ago
I feel like many people swipe for the dopamine hit rather than real interest. Or they’re not taking dating very seriously. Or they’re avoidant.
Sadly, the ghosting and unanswered messages are part of the app. I just unmatch after like 72 hours.
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u/MikeTiricoSucks 12h ago
If someone messaged me “hi let’s beat the statistics?” I would assume you were a bot about to advertise your Instagram
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u/Warm_Swan_793 12h ago
It was a direct response to something they had written on their profile. If he actually read my message, he would know exactly what I’m talking about
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u/Mugstotheceiling 11h ago
I’m triggered by any men quoting “statistics” thanks to Reddit 😭 hopefully his was innocuous
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u/Western_Jackfruit_99 11h ago
You sounds like an AI lmao
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u/Bxsnia 10h ago
Had to scroll so far down for this, I'm assuming guys think OP's a bot and don't bother responding.
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u/BerserkerLord101 5h ago
2nd comments out of hundreds. I guess people are too focused on "incels" and "misogynist"
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u/lovemovementshooters 3h ago
those responses are clearly AI lmao, but it doesn't fit with their narrative that MAN = BAD!!!!
if a man says anything they disagree with, he MUST be an incel
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u/Agitated_Ambition_73 11h ago
Your edit in the caption is perfection 👌🏻
A lot of the comments are not passing the vibe check.
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u/Doomveer 11h ago
This gender war got boring a long time ago, the sooner we get back to accepting that both genders can be scumbags the better
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u/S1samnes 11h ago
To everyone saying “date down” — I truly don’t understand this. No one should match with anyone they don’t find attractive. That doesn’t mean only pick models, but it does no good for you or the other person if you’re not genuinely attracted to them (if we’re assuming you want a real relationship). Swipe on who you like and if you can’t match with anyone either do what you can to improve your appeal or accept that you’ll probably have to meet someone offline where attraction is not just about looks. I don’t get matches very often but when I do I’m genuinely attracted to the women, so I’m happy. Why would I want to get involved with someone I’m not attracted to? It’s not fair to either of us.
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u/salamat_engot 11h ago
16/16 of my chats look like this. I know many men would say it's unheard of for a man to even have 16 matches, but do the matches even count if the conversation never happens?
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u/_Smashbrother_ 11h ago
Men tend to just swipe right on everyone. Then only respond to girls that they find most attractive.
This is what's happening.
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u/eyehateeveryone666 11h ago
I applaud you for writing out real and meaningful openers! Women like you are rare over the “hey” crowd.
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u/JStock013 11h ago
Couple of others have said this, but for me the " Hi ___ " with the wave emoji comes across as a bot. Even swapping out the wave emoji for a ":)" (typed out emoticon) comes across as a bit more authentic and less AI. Or just a "hey Jacob how about....." Less grammar, more casual, less robotic.
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u/Lost_Reaction_5489 11h ago
This is the data that the men don't talk about in the OK Cupid study. Yes, men swiped on way more women, but they only messaged the top 20% of women that they matched with when women swiped on way less men, but messaged all levels that responded to her.
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u/imiss_onedirection 11h ago
It’s a good day to be bisexual holy shit these comments are proving to me why it’s a good idea that I gave up on men until one of them proves me wrong 😭
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u/Effervescent-Essence 5h ago
You’re so lucky! My character flaw is that I’m strictly dickly. So, it’s self imposed celibacy for me 😩
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u/snyderman3000 12h ago
What does “I’m passport ready!” mean in this context?
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u/Adventurous-Mall7677 11h ago
I assume his bio said something like “I love having international travel adventures and am looking for a partner who feels the same way” or something.
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u/BlackTriceratops 11h ago
Those dudes probably swipe right on everything without looking- and wait for someone randomly to match. Almost guaranteed
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u/BigFeelingsFound 11h ago
You can't convince incels anything is their fault. It's the core conceit of being an incel.
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u/Sea-Understanding435 9h ago
I wish I found at least one girl like this. I never not reply and never ghost, even if I'm not interested, I'll still say something and be open and honest (and I'm definitely not ugly). I think everybody deserves this. It's good to know women like this are out there. For now all I get is ghosting, and I think it's because I'm new to this whole dating app communication and have way more success in real life than on these apps that reduce you to a flat profile someone could judge.
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u/polecatslizard 11h ago
Was just debating about signing up for bumble again and knowing it goes both ways weirdly helps
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u/hi-fen-n-num 8h ago
Yer, knowing that there are women out there actually trying to engage, even if most people regardless of gender seem to have this same experience, implies it's not completely hopeless.
Silver linings I guess.
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u/pale-gael_01 11h ago
Sorry for any rude comments op.
Me personally and I know several friends that have done this too is that when we received lovely introductory comments from women we froze up.
For me personally I convinced myself it was a scam or catfish or something like that.
Guys not responding for whatever reason is more common than some would think.
Also good luck, your proactiveness will work out.
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u/-BINK2014- 11h ago
Both sides have laziness & insecurities.
The idea of punching above belts or staying in their lane is absurd overall, you do not know until you try; everyone’s preferences are different & unique to themselves.
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u/GhostPirateCaptain 9h ago
I'm sure my comment will be buried but just wanted to wave a hand in solidarity with the top comments in regards to the bitter aggressive comments being aimed at OP & at women in general in this sub.
I'm 34 yr old, so likely older than a lot people commenting & let me tell you gentlemen...... responding to this woman, who is trying to show solidarity with you about how shite dating is, in the manner which you are is fucking pathetic, fucking embarrassing & fucking rude.
Real men don't hurl verbal vitroil at random women & men on the internet because of their own dating struggles.
Oh & stop endlessly swiping; the algorithm stops showing you to profiles if you do that you bloody idiots.
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u/LesbianWhoLaughsAtU 7h ago
women are always going to get blamed by men for whatever goes wrong in our lives, men are always going to pretend they're not responsible for their failures in life. it's time we stopped listening
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u/alwaysalone6666 12h ago
Let me know when this happens with every match for 6 years 🤣
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u/imageize 11h ago
There's a lot of people from all genders on the apps for validation and validation only. It's not a gender thing.
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u/RegretCommon 11h ago
Props to you for posting this and shame on the guys calling you whatever-word-for-undesirable for it
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u/Level9CPU 11h ago
If the first message I received from a match were:
"Hi _ 👋 I'm passport ready!"
or
"Hi _ 👋 Let's beat the statistics?"
I would assume you're either a bot or scammer. Those greetings don't feel natural.
"Hi _ 🙂" by itself also sucks. It reminds me of people at work who just say "Hi" and don't say anything until you reply.
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u/Final_Replacement_37 10h ago
She explained elsewhere that these are in response to specific prompts on the guys profile.
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u/HolidayEntire6456 10h ago
I’m a guy who usually gets messages from women making the first move still. It’s definitely appreciated, but I had realized I was so burnt out on the apps so I wasn’t replying. Taking a break from them for now until I have the energy to put effort in myself again. But keep doing what you’re doing :)
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u/Sea-Efficiency3375 9h ago
41F who holds her own in the looks department and this also happens to me, so all of the crusty men in the comments saying she’s batting out of her league, shut up.
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u/Korissa 9h ago
Honestly, a lot of these comments really prove why so many people view the men on these apps as leftovers.
So many assumptions that women who are not getting responses is also their fault for somehow not meeting whatever dumb fuck criteria some dudebro spat online. Just like you boys getting ignored is women's fault too.
Some of you guys need to look within. See your entitlement and double standards for what they are...do better.
Women only want 20% of men, wahhhh for the 80%, haha you must be a 3 shooting for 9 - stupid bitch. Why can't I get any dates? /s kinda.
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u/popnfrresh 9h ago
Good on you for showing initiative.
Though this is nothing like a man's view.
That would be 0 matches, and when they get one. It's this scenario.
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u/Uselessperfection 12h ago
At least yall get matches.
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u/AngryAngryHarpo 12h ago
How is that helpful when they don’t go anywhere?
Especially when we’re told on this very sub that men swipe on everyone.
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u/when_we_are_cats 11h ago
Nobody says that men swipe on everyone except women.
Now, try the same logic with 1 match per week.
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u/Uselessperfection 12h ago
I never said it was helpful and as a man I don’t swipe on everyone… please don’t make this a fight about genders as that was not and never will be my intent. There’s plenty of hate to go around I was only making a joke at my own expense.
For myself even if nothing went anywhere and no one ever responded to me it would be nice to get a notification saying I had a match. I’m sorry that this must of come off the wrong way.
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u/maryqueenofscotch683 11h ago
Unfortunately I've started to think men just swipe on everything
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u/Uselessperfection 11h ago
For a lot of them they do, I honestly asked for advice not too long ago and even looked up some tips online and almost everyone said to just swipe on everything and everyone. Wide net catches more fish mindset.
That’s not for me and not how I do things but sadly that was the most given advice and in every list of things to do online.
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u/when_we_are_cats 11h ago
You get punished for swiping on everyone on bumble since you have a limited amount of likes per day.
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u/Uselessperfection 11h ago
Yup, it’s like that on most dating sites as a way to increase usage and get people to buy premium and on some level a deterrent against the swipe on everyone style a lot of people use. I have never once hit my daily like limit.
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u/NoRace6654 12h ago
Question to OP: are the men on these apps are so boring and mentioning “travelling” as a hobby
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u/VodkaSliceofLife 11h ago
Ive honestly done this quite often, and to women I find attractive too....and whatever it is should be studied. Dating apps have just made the whole process of "dating" in to something entirely different. Nothing feels real, genuine human connection has been completely removed and replaced with some cheap dopamine hit of swiping and matching. I've made some realizations on it like I often find when I end up matching with a woman who I know I've swiped on over a week ago or more by the time we match im no longer interested, or I often end up disliking something after the match that I guess didnt bother me at the time like maybe they're too far or too tall, or sometimes it literally just happens when im busy or psychologically not in the mood to converse. I'm off the apps now for a month month and a half or so, taking a break. But yeah, these dating apps are a scourge on society, everything about them is disingenuous.
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u/Alu_T_C_F 10h ago
Im really sorry for that but its weirdly reassuring that everyone regardless of gender is having a shit experience with these apps, makes me feel like im not doing as bad as i thought
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u/ArcticLil 7h ago
Same here. Bumble even gave me my money back for the membership after I went through 500 matches and not one worked out. I’m an average woman, not aiming too high (I actually like nerdy guys and swiping on short people since I’m short myself) and I have conversational skills. Never went back.
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u/OkayJShades 11h ago
This posts will fall flat on the guys youre aiming it at because those are the guys that would likely respond to your message. So posting this is just going to result in them saying "well if you only match with X guy, thats why this happens".
Its helpful posting this experience. But just like some statistics, it will only serve to push the narrative of whatever the individual seeing it already believes.
-person A that believes women have it just as bad a men on apps: see this women is posting evidence of her first messages to numerous matches gets ignored just like men.
-person B that believes most women on swipe on the top (insert number as it seems to keep changing based on who recites it) % of men: see this women is clearly only swiping on the top guys who have multiple options already thus why would they respond to her if shes not as hot as the other options.
All this screenshot does is validate what X person already believes. Or if it refutes their belief, it'll be disregarded as anecdotal evidence with limited context i.e not knowing posters appearance, type of guys in her match list etc.
Now if swipe habit dating crossed with message habit data of numerous women and men were recorded. And reply backs were recorded too. It would be harder to manipulate the results to fit someones narrative. And even then it still would happen.
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u/Useful_Operation1168 11h ago
Big numbers rule, you cannot imagine (at least on hinge) how many conversations started veeeeery good (whaaaaat we have so many things in common/ I love your lifestyle / so cool your job / you practice sport 4 times per week?!?) and literally ended after 3 messages. I could not believe it, but big numbers rule means you have to stay strong and find your way out
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u/TheArtdabbler 11h ago
Honestly needed this positivity. I've been mulling over trying a dating app again, and the stories that typically pop up are just horror stories for me. Thanks!
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u/MangoTamer 11h ago edited 10h ago
Every time I've ever received comments like that I've always just assumed that it was a robot on the other side. (They always try to sell you something eventually)
Use of emojis, and asking some questions that seem like they could be part of a script to collect data are why I would think in that direction.
But I also don't use bumble so I'm not sure what the average interaction is like on that app.
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u/NoisePast9357 10h ago edited 10h ago
This is my experience too 🤣
No matches are always better, and I will say this over and over again.
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u/CheckTheOR 10h ago
These seem like the low effort messages women complain about men sending. Maybe if you tried harder with more thoughtful messages, you'd have better luck.
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u/Funny_Artichoke_2962 10h ago
Your responses make it seem like you’re a bot. At least that’s what I would think
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u/sunshinenrainbows2 9h ago
This is what happens when men just auto swipe right on anyone. I have the same experience and now I just let men reach out to me first, as a match means nothing to me. Men will say that matches are better than nothing, but they really aren’t when they don’t respond to you. If everyone only swiped on bios of those they actually wanted to talk to, we wouldn’t have this stalemate both sexes end up in…
Plus when people auto swipe right, you are just messing up your algorithm and doing yourself a disservice. If you’re a man who gets few matches, maybe talk to the matches you get and stop looking for the next best thing? Otherwise you’re better off just deleting the apps. I just don’t understand lol.
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u/CheezwizOfficial 9h ago
THANK YOU!!! I've had success on dating apps before, but over the last 3ish years it's really gone downhill.
Jfc, this is the reason I ultimately deleted all dating apps. I'd get like 10 matches and send messages to all of them:
I'd get responses from 5 while the rest expire.
Of those 5 responses: 2 would never message again (even after I reply).
The 3 who did engage in conversation: 2 would be duds (ghost after I suggest going out) and the one person who'd agree to a date would either cancel at some point before; ghost after confirming the plan (despite me following up); or we'd go out and there'd be no sparks/we'd be looking for different things.
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u/Cien22n2 8h ago
"Have you tried lowering your standards?" Thats the advice i got from the girl from the time of my lowest below the ground standards
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u/walker3342 8h ago
Wow, thanks for sharing this with the men. I always wondered what it was like on the other side of the table and this is really illuminating. Good luck finding what you’re looking for OP. Hopefully all the ghosting is just saving you time.
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u/beechi_mc 8h ago
100%
Same experience here!
My likes usually fall around 3,000-6,000 and in one batch i swipe 20 ish and only half of them reply then from that 10, only few are active on conversation for few days then ended up only go on date 1-2 person.
Some are slow on reply, and I use max 3 days if no response I’ll unmatch
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u/betaraybernard 8h ago
Regardless of the other comments, this is helpful and I appreciate it. I think this sub could benefit from more “views from the other side” screenshots.
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u/engineered-chemistry 6h ago
Male here. I start a convo with every woman I match. I swiped right on them why wouldn’t I want to talk to them. I fail to understand why people swipe right and have no interest talking. They just enjoy wasting their own time or addicted to swiping in general?
I think guys feel like this happens to them more often because there’s a perception that women have like 100 messages in their inbox and it’s too many to respond to them all? 🤷
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u/Difficult-Moment-738 6h ago
maybe be more confident and smile more ?
also take a shower
have you tried being more confident ?
lol
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u/Fluffy_Charity_2732 6h ago
Yeah it sucks.
But you just need the one. When it works out (however long it takes) you’ll look back and appreciate not engaging with these men. You don’t need someone that makes no time for you on a dating app. Especially when they complain about not getting matches.
Keep at it.
Also, I’m a dude if that helps motivate you.
We out here struggling and realizing it’s not instant and not everyone is attracted to what we present on a digital profile. I can win people over in person that would swipe left on my profile.. and vice versa, people who swipe right on me that would never vibe with me in person.
Keep at it
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u/Roastage 5h ago
Everyone should remember a couple of things in this situation;
The average r/bumble reddit user is not reflective of an average Bumble user.
People who are angry are more motivated to complain and post.
OP is helping you out by letting you know everyone is in the trenches. Women tend to be better at empathy, and that's what this is.
Blaming women is very easy. Blaming men is very easy. But it's lazy, ignorant and wrong. Mass swiping is functionally rewarded, as there is no qualitative metric for matches.
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u/heartsocks 3h ago edited 2h ago
men: I wish women would start the convos on bumble like they’re supposed to!
also men: no, not like that!
I could’ve also screenshotted all the times I’ve made the opening move (by referencing specific things in their bios and making connections to sports teams/alma maters/careers in common) to no responses - both on bumble and tinder
I stg, (traditional) bumble was just a way for men to go on a dating app and feel like a princess for being reached out to and ghosting and probably as resentful payback for their usual experiences on tinder and other apps
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u/lordgentofdapper 12h ago edited 12h ago
It does happen to us, but they don't count us because we are not the "hot" women they want and they think it's our fault for having the audacity to think the men who match with us on apps actually want to date us and surely we are just trying to date above our league /s