I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

I (28F) have been casually seeing M “30” for 2 months. His name and age were listed on his profile so I never had a reason to question them.

We’ve gotten really close in that time— talking every day, hanging out multiple times a week, and even recently- staying the night at his apartment.

On the 2nd date after knowing him for about 3 weeks, I got the feeling that his name wasn’t actually Alex, so I told him my suspicion and he said that I was correct, his name is Brandon and his middle name is Alexander. I asked him how many people called him Alex and he said none. I felt weird that he didn’t mention that in all 3 weeks I knew him, but people can have name preferences so I let it slide.

Today as we were spending time together at his apartment, we were chatting about family and something didn’t add up. He danced around the subject and eventually said he was 6 years older than me, not 2. I was shocked. So he is actually 34.

This further alarmed me because I was already having issues about how few life skills he has, such as diet, cooking, cleaning, career, and general knowledge.

When he noticed my shock, he said that I never directly asked him his age. That means that in the past he didn’t correct me about some comments I made about his past. Also he claims that it was probably an app glitch because his account had been removed in the past.

Maybe it was an accident? I don’t think so. I think it’s no accident to put an age incorrectly into the app and not notice.

Suddenly a lot of things made sense. For example his profile pictures and his irl appearance were different— I remember being a little shocked by his appearance irl at first. He had noticeable aging signs but I assumed that maybe he spent a lot of time in the sun during his life.

Anyways, I made up an excuse to leave to process the information.

Now I’m conflicted because we got along really well for the most part. I was already getting some minor icks from his lifestyle, but now I’m thinking about completely ending this relationship.

What do y’all think? Is that too extreme?

Update: sent him a text that stated my reasons for no longer wanting a relationship with him

"He only thought you were good enough for sex."Stop thinking you're going to have a beautiful life with guys in the top 10%."Why would he put effort into a 5 when he could have a 10? "Your profile pictures must be too sexual. That 's why guys are swiping for a hookup."Maybe stop matching with men who are too good looking. You're not their priority."

These are just several of the responses I've seen in this sub, either said to me or other women. They say these things without knowing anything about us except that we posted our frustrations in this sub. Almost like it's a sport for them to soothe their ego because they aren't getting matching from anyone.

they were in Kobe...

To 'B'

I wanted to at last say thank you for matching with me and the coffee date today. After you left i was just frozen there for a bit and pretty swiftly you unmatched on the dating app so i was not able to send you this.

I came prepared to share my own weird little things, as that is how i connect with others. But somewhere along the time together i notice i fucked up the conversation and it took a turn for the worst. I could feel deep down my own RSD flared when i knew it was coming to an end.

I never mentioned this. Truth is you were the first person I have gone on a date with since my wife left me and the divorce was completed a year ago. I was so nervous i think i got lost in it all.

So thank you, again for your time and i wish you and yours well in the future.

I live in a large city of >10m people, and I pay for premium so I can see who likes me. I find the filtering and swiping quite boring so I tend to just wait to see who likes me and then choose from them. I am vegan and (not wanting to debate veganism now thanks) am only interested in dating other vegans. The city I live in is quite progressive so I'm not too worried about this reducing potential numbers.

The problem I'm getting is that like 50+ people per week are liking on my profile who don't match my filters. It is becoming quite tedious having to go into every profile and reject it, or else have them pile up.

Isn't the filtering supposed to apply to people who see your profile? Do I need to change some setting for this?

Had a match with someone who put “teach me something you’re passionate about I am always curious to learn something new” and “deep conversations” in their profile.
I ask them how they are “I am grateful”. I follow up with a “what are you grateful for?” + some BS from my day.
Answer “I am grateful to be aware”.

My answer was “go tell that to René Descartes, he’s probably also catchier conversation 👋🏻”

I swear I can’t stand these low effort, copy paste profiles anymore and shut them down immediately. What’s the point of even matching with someone (I had the incoming like) if you’re going to spew 1 word answers and pseudo deep BS? Got 10 other ones lined up. Gtfo

Is there any way to turn down the swipe sensitivity? This is maybe the 4th or 5th time I've accidentally matched with someone while attempting to scroll the liked you section. It doesn't happen in the People section. Yes I can unmatch if I'm completely not interested but most of the time I'm just not ready to talk to them yet.

I’m not sure why they bother me because they could be really good conversation starters. I was just feel like the lie is more interesting than the two truths :-) or people end up putting their most bananas fact there and then the lie is “I like mushrooms.”

I unsubscribe and within the hour a like. Curiosity gets the better of me and I resubscribe to find the like to be international. Dumb.

Look at my swipe data I am not sure what more to do?
Any help is appreciated

The most common complaint from women in this sub is the fact that some men are using dating apps with the only intent of having sex, which they seem to believe is something despicable. Every second post here will be a screenshot of a man who's honest about his intentions shortly after matching.

But then very often those same women have had multiple hookups and will despise any man who would judge them based on their sexual past.

Either hookups are something despicable or they are not, pick a lane...

I started OLD in July. I'm getting a lot of first dates but that's about it. Most of these dates are boring, to be honest. They truly feel like a job interview, so much that I find myself thinking about what they want to hear, even when I dont particularly like them.

I have had about 12 dates so far...and I only liked 2 of the guys. Most guys were not interested in me either. Out of these two guys I liked, one of them sent me the "you are really nice, but I don't want to see you again" message two days after our date. The other guy showed interest in another date but then... stopped texting (he had been texting daily until our date). It's been 4 days after the date. I texted him and gave him my number, but still he hasn't fixed a date, and has not texted at all. My bet is that he is busy dating others, and probably found a better match. I'm kind of disappointed because I was ready to stop the boring swiping and chats to focus on this person..but oh well ...

I know I decided to take part of this OLD mess, but still...it feels somehow fucked up. I think the feeling of having many options waiting out there, makes people much less involved in general. Are you also feeling the same way? Or I really need to pay more attention to how the dates go? because from both of the dates in which I found it was a mutual interest, I got nothing. It's a strange feeling. It's not that I'm hurt about the lack of interest in me, it's just odd to see how quickly a person you spoke to for a while, suddenly disappears

As the title says. I see both of those statements frequently and like... I just don't get how the SAME PERSON can hold both of these views. If women became less picky, they'd match with more guys. If they become more picky, then they'd obviously have fewer matches and not "have 20 other guys lined up" (which is bs anyway but we'll ignore that), but then they'd be more picky, which is also wrong. Like, I genuinely don't understand what women are supposed to do. Match with the first ugly guy they see, and then just date him even though they aren't attracted to him at all, and never ever talk to another man? Like, what do y'all want 😭

(Similarly, "women only match with the top 10%" but also "I never look at profiles so I straight up don't notice if there's a very clear incompatibility on the woman's profile" like, did u pause to think that maybe women only match with so few men because they consistently filter out any incompatibilities? If every second guy smokes and I filter out smokers, that's already 50% of profiles I just won't ever swipe right on, and it has nothing to do with looks... And again, "women have 20 guys lined up" but also "women don't swipe on enough men" just seem contradictory in nature but are frequently said by the same people ???)

Like, genuinely, I'm curious what exactly women are supposed to do in the face of these inherently contradictory claims

Edit: damn I'm learning incel vocabulary I've never even seen before. If nothing else, this post developed my awareness of chronically online slang used by people that don't have lives otherwise. Like, what do you mean, "alpha-widowed"?? I'd be embarrassed to speak like that 😭

I need some female’s review on my bumble profile as a help.
I’d appreciate something about pictures, the info you are getting from the profile and what you think is missing.

For privacy reasons, I’m not sharing my profile publicly but I’m open to share screenshots in DM :)

More than half of them unmatch after I ask them out. I usually ask them if they have plans this weekend and they reply "not really". My follow up is "let's make one then" and invite to bowling or movies but then this happens:

I’ve strictly been on hinge for the past year or so. I decided to try something new to see what another app was like. Used my same pictures from hinge in the same order with the same prompts AND payed 50 dollars for a SINGLE week of premium. And 6 hours later don’t have a single like or match after swiping 50+ times.
Some needed context is that on hinge which I’ve heard is a harder app to get likes on I have like 200 pending likes and over 2k matches.. with about 20+ matches and 5-7 likes every day

Does bumble have a new profile shadow ban?

I recently stated receiving recommended profiles and likes from men, despite having my settings for women only.

Has anyone else seen or experienced this? Truly baffled how this happened.