For background, my husband is 44M and I’m 34F. Before him, I dated a guy 10 years younger than me. Didn’t have a lot going for him but he played baseball (those pants), and it was a bit of an ego boost knowing I could attract younger guys. We broke up but I still hung around with him, playing in his band while I started seeing my husband. We only hooked up a couple more times until things got serious with my husband.
I didn’t tell him about any of this because he’s been treated poorly in the past and I didn’t want to upset him. Despite his age, he’s in good shape. Tall, muscular with some dad bod, takes care of himself. Sex is incredible and I devoted myself to him.
When we were at my friend’s wedding, one of them let it slip that I was seeing this guy before him. My husband shrugged it off, until he did the math and realized I was in this band while he and I were dating. I told him it doesn’t matter and I’m with him now. He asked if we were still seeing each other and after a while I relented and told him we were hanging out. He asked “why would you do that? Is he that much more attractive than me?” I told him “of course he’s more attractive, he’s younger than you”
My husband shook his head and walked away from me. He was quiet the rest of the wedding and it’s been four days since he’s spoken to me. I don’t understand why he’s so mad since we weren’t technically together at the time and an older man can’t be more attractive than a guy 20 years younger. So am I the asshole for telling him that?

For starters, a day ago, i was getting up after sleeping in bed nearly all day with my gf at her house (20F) (got up around 3 pm) As im getting ready i sit down in her chair next to the bookshelf we had reassembled a day or two before this incident, put my socks on, then i notice a new book she's gotten. "plaything". Now I feel that the reaction I had after reading the cover of this book was well warranted, given that I have expressed a multitude of times throughout the entirety of the relationship how the smut she reads makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, we're out in public and someone is hitting on her next to me, and she's into it uncomfortable (just an example to sort of convey the feeling).

I have expressed this ever since I really learned more about the types of books she had been reading and listening to, so rough estimate about a year and a few months in. Now, over time, I will admit I kind of just gave up on telling her that they made me uncomfortable and, quite frankly, insecure, given that the things that would take place in every one of the books she reads are vulgar in grave, almost disturbing detail. And not to overshare, but I have also been practically begging for her to be more intimate with me in bed, which is a big part of these insecurities stemming from these books. When I've been asking for you to engage with me in ways you read about constantly, it kind of just starts to feel like I'm the problem, and maybe she just doesn't want to do the types of things she reads about with me.

I'm well aware this is a very common genre for a lot of women, and that isn't the issue here, i could care less if she reads romance with like a chapter or two of steamy scenes. It's the absolute vulgarity of the ones she chooses to read. And oftentimes when i would bring up how these books made me feel, she would use the excuse of thats not the only type of books she reads, or that she can't really avoid stuff like that in these books. Which I understand. We watch movies with vulgar scenes together. Granted, we end up skipping them because oftentimes they make her uncomfortable, but nonetheless I understand her point in that. But these are literally the only type of books I have ever seen or heard her own or read. It honestly just feels like a slap in the face to tolerate this for so long when I have changed and compromised with/for her on so many of my old bad habits and things she didn't like. For example, I'm a big fitness guy, i workout alot, followed a lot of fitness content creators. Some of whom were women and often were wearing provocative gym clothing. So I unfollowed those people and changed my feed to make her more comfortable. After a while, we had a few issues with a couple of other women and people I had followed or added, which I will say is understandable, so after a lot of debate I just ended up unfollowing those people and taking a long break from all socials. It's something I needed, but also something I did out of respect for her and to make her comfortable and not feel threatened or insecure. But on multiple times i have tried to come to some kind of compromise on her books; she never even budges metaphorically. She just simply refuses to see that her books could make me feel this way.

She often contrasts her books with explicit content I had an issue with in the first few months while we were together, which is yet another thing I phased out to make her more comfortable. That choice helped me a lot as well, so in hindsight I'm glad I made it, but still it wasn't entirely of my own want to stop watching content like that; it was a desire to change for her so she was comfortable and didn't have to feel insecure. She says things like "it's not like I'm actually looking at actual people" or "it's not like it's porn" when, in fact, it literally is just with plot, which she claims is a big part of why she reads these books. I have tried and tried to just be okay with it; I even did research and bought one of my own akin to the male perspective to understand the desire more, or maybe make her jealous and feel how I felt, idk. I didn't even get past chapter seven, and I'll admit I was enjoying it here and there, but it only made her buy more and more books like that.

Hence the reverse Harem book she bought that I stumbled into the other morning. After I had read the cover, I went straight home. Cold cut goodbye cause she followed me to my car. I could barely even muster up an "I love you too". It just came out as incoherent mumbling. Because I was so hurt and disgusted and just outright appalled that she could just so blatantly ignore how I felt about something and get a book about four college dudes fucking a chick and have the gonads to tell me it was for the plot of it. Romance or not, it's disgusting, especially considering the reactions she would have to clothed women on my ig feed. Am I the asshole for considering leaving? overall its been a great and loving, and supportive relationship. Plenty of ups and downs, and I do really love her. It just hurts so much to be disrespected this way, honestly. It feels worse than being cheated on to me, and there's just nothing that will sway her to change the types of things she reads for me. The last thing i want to do is to let this woman go, but the hurt and rage and grief just thinking about that last book and the overall combination of the hurt her ignorance or lack of empathy towards the situation has caused me is just so much i don't know what to even do.

My girlfriend and I were friends for a few years, then we started dating. We dated for a year - partly long distance (10 hour time difference), partly in person.

She's a lovely person with a beautiful soul. So full of zest, and she's hilarious and charming. She's also got an incredible dedication to self-improvement which I deeply respect. We had lots of arguments and fights over the last year, usually because of long distance stuff (those of you who haven't done it, long distance is HARD).

That was a challenge, but for the most part we got over all that.

And yet I recently began weighing up whether I wanted to be with her or not because even though (aside from the arguments) she ticks every box, I started to realise I wasn't attracted to her.

I think I was infatuated with her body type (she's a a curvy girl with an hourglass figure and super confident) for the first few weeks, then it wore off and it ended up being this weird situation where sometimes I found her super attractive, but often times I found the attraction unfortunately wasn't there.

After weeks of back-and-forth, today we finally broke up - this attraction issue being the driving factor. The worst part is: I obviously never told her that's why. She's confused. She knows I love her. She knows so much in our relationship works. Yet I've told her I just can't turn up 100% for her, and that's just not fair.

This feels like the worst reason ever to break up with someone. It is SO shallow... Yet, at the same time, I can't commit to a long-term relationship with someone who I only find attractive part of the time, right?

This is really tearing me apart.

I (26M) enjoy playing video games. It has been a hobby/interest of mine for as long as I can remember. My husband (31M) has a bad history with video games and abusive past partners who would be emotionally and occasionally physically abusive, whilst they were playing video games.
My husband specifically doesn't like games involving violence. Especially towards animals and police.
So yeah, fair enough, I also don't necessarily enjoy those specific aspects of games. I enjoy Grand Theft Auto and Mafia games, for example. But for me its more living out a fantasy by immersing myself in a game world. Either a specific era or character. For example, using GTA Online almost as a second-life experience, customizing my character, affirming my dysphoria, and collecting cars I would love to have in real life.

Anyways. Last night I was playing GTA San Andreas. Discreetly, without sound, on a Nintendo Switch, pointed away from my husband. He keeps pushing for information on what I'm playing. I have to be honest so i tell him. He asks what im doing. I say im trying to get all the spray tags in the first city. He asks what's the point. I explain what it does in the game. One question leads to the next, until we arrive at "oh so you're just killing people and murdering cops". I have tried to explain that just because a game allows you to do awful things, i don't always do them. Only if absolutely necessary to progress through a certain part of the story or what have you.
Its day 2 of the silent treatment. We aren't on speaking terms. I feel like I am denied a lifelong hobby i can handle because my husband can't handle it. Am I the asshole?

PS. Yes I knew this was a thing before we got married. I thought i had outgrown videogames but I keep getting the urge to play them when i have free time and don't feel pressured to be productive.
I thought we were making progress on his relationship with games by playing together on games that don't even have the option for violence. Except Minecraft, but he says its abstract enough that it doesn't bother him.

My wife and I are both Neurodivergent and struggle with what Neurotypicals would consider some basic things. We both have Attention Deficit, and I am on the spectrum.

Early last year, my wife began her own business and started working from home. I feel like it's been good for her...for the most part.

This summer, her clientele dried up. She's spent the last 3 months rebranding her business without any income, placing our financial responsibilities solely on me and my 17/hr job. I also do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. Lately, she has been sleeping in and acting depressed, and staying up late "to work on stuff." She's relaunched her business, but still has no clients.

When pressed about what she has been doing, she frantically gathers notes and presents them like someone who got pulled into a meeting last second, showing me idea boards and half-thought-out hand-written notes.

Nothing substantial.

No workloads.

No client paper trail.

I outright ask her "but what have you been doing?!" and her response is almost always "research."

This time, I finally asked "how much research do you need to do before finding clients?!" She never answered me, just slumped into her seat.

I told her I've been working my ass off, and we have nothing to show for it. I also reminded her that our lease is up in November, and there's been no word on whether the landlord will renew our lease. We haven't even looked at other apartments, when housing in our region is cut-throat. I'm terrified we're going to be on the streets.

After expressing all of this, I told her she needs to step her game up.

"I'm trying," is all she said.

I told her "I need you to try a little harder."

AITA here?

I (26F) have been with my boyfriend, D (28M), since February 2022. My mom has wanted me to leave him for almost our entire relationship.

D did not exactly nail his first impression.

Early on, he was going through a difficult period with his mental health and taking prescribed medication. At a family picnic, he made the objectively stupid decision to drink several glasses of alcohol while taking it and became visibly impaired.

My mother immediately concluded: drugs.

He wasn't using drugs. I explained what happened, but it didn't matter. D had been tried, convicted and sentenced. As a lawyer, I'd like to note that the appeals process in my mother's court appears to be nonexistent.

I understood her concern. I'd have questions too.

The problem is that this happened in 2022.

It is now 2026.

And somehow, we're still at the picnic.

D and I continued dating and fell deeply in love. He's the person I want to tell things to and still the person I can picture annoying me when we're both ancient.

But our relationship never really got to exist normally.

My mother never literally forbade me from seeing him. I'm an adult, I work and earn my own money. Technically, I can do whatever I want.

Technically.

In reality, seeing D came with an emotional weather forecast. What mood is Mom in? When did I last see him? How long can I stay out? Is seeing him worth the atmosphere afterward?

Sometimes simply mentioning his name changes her demeanor.

After almost four years together, D had spent two nights with his girlfriend.

Two.

At this rate, by our 20th anniversary we might accumulate enough nights for a long weekend.

To be fair, my mother did not create every problem in our relationship. D and I had genuine issues. I felt taken for granted, some boundaries weren't respected, and I wasn't seeing enough change after we'd discussed things.

But the situation at home made everything harder. A misunderstanding that could have been resolved in an hour sometimes sat for days until it grew six additional heads and acquired a mortgage.

Eventually, I was exhausted from fighting problems inside my relationship while fighting for the relationship's right to exist outside it.

So earlier this year, I ended it.

Except we still loved each other.

Which was extremely inconvenient.

We spent months apart and tried moving on.

Before the breakup, we'd also started talking seriously about living together and even marriage. That terrified me, not because I couldn't imagine a life with him, but because I could.

What terrified me was imagining what I'd have to go through at home to actually have it.

I love my mother deeply. She isn't a monster. I genuinely believe she thinks she's protecting me.

There isn't an evil woman guarding the door yelling YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

I have a job, earn money and make serious decisions every day. Yet I come home and calculate whether having coffee with my boyfriend is worth making my mother unhappy.

I can make whatever choice I want, as long as I'm willing to pay for the "wrong" one with guilt and tension.

After years of that, nobody needs to stop you.

You start stopping yourself.

About two months ago, D and I finally sat down and had a long, calm conversation about everything that went wrong.

We talked about what had hurt each of us, acknowledged our own mistakes, and separated our relationship problems from the pressure surrounding it.

We decided to try again.

And these last two months have genuinely been wonderful.

Not everything-is-magically-fixed wonderful. Real wonderful. Calm, affectionate and fun.

We're communicating and resolving things. I'm seeing changes instead of just hearing promises, and I'm changing things too.

It's only been two months. I don't know what the next ten years will look like.

But my mother's position hasn't changed.

Recently D's name came up in an unrelated conversation. He wasn't there. Nothing had happened.

Just his name.

Her demeanor immediately changed. Coldness. Questions. Tension.

And I thought: Oh my God. We're still at the picnic.

Four years later.

Maybe D and I will last forever. Maybe we won't. Maybe someday everyone will tell me, "We told you so."

But isn't that my risk?

I'm 26. Shouldn't I be allowed to choose someone my mother wouldn't choose? Shouldn't I even be allowed to make a mistake without spending my life protecting her from the discomfort of watching me make it?

I don't want to choose D over my mother. I don't want it to be a competition.

I want to love them both without feeling like loving one means betraying the other.

Most of all, I don't want to wake up at 30 and realize I spent my twenties waiting for permission to live my own life.

I know my mother thinks she's protecting me. I know D gave her reasons for concern.

But I also know something she doesn't: what our relationship feels like when it's just the two of us.

Right now, I know what I want.

I want him. Not blindly, not at any cost, but I want the relationship we're building and the chance to find out where it goes.

AITA for staying with him?

My best friend dated this guy for around 6 months, and she was like deep deep in love with him. But the thing is he liked me before he ever had interest in her and I found myself liking him too.
They’re broken up now and im actually debating on whether or not I should like hit him up cs Ik he thinks im pretty.
Idk I feel bad in a way but he’s deadass fine
Keep in mind that we liked each other FIRST and my friend knew abt it but then went along to pursue him anyway.
I do know that if I did get with him she’d stay friends with me anyway, but Ik she’ll probably have her feelings hurt

So let me start by saying, I live in a very conservative area, I am in Highschool, and that makes for a bad combo when queer

I'm writing this to really ask not what I should do, but to know if I am in the right after this whole thing. But last February I started to notice that I was getting more messages regarding my sexuality and knew that something had to have gotten out. Coupled with the fact that one of my other close friends (who was chill about it and I know for a fact has not shared anything about it) mentioned he had no clue In conversation. Upon 'investigation' I found that it came from 2 of my extremely close friends.

By this point I had only mentioned something to one of the two (Which I know was a mistake but you can only learn, can't go back). However when I dug deeper I found that the person I told was not the one to share it beyond my friend group. While that whole issue is for a different story, I have since made amends with them after a very long conversation.

In regards to the other person (Lets call them X), X did not hear it from me, never told me they knew, and only upon me confronting them even admitted they did this. X made (In hindsight a very shitty) apology where they said that they didn't know it would be such a big deal. Afterwards I accepted their apology and moved on, however when I was working a school even a kid (who is KNOWN for being homophobic & was friends with X) came up to me and confronted me about what they heard from them. I did crowd control and that seemed to work.

Person X had been overly kind to me the months prior with a few gifts here and there, but I did offer to pay X several times (Who declined) and did successfully pay X back and did several times, so I felt that maybe X did care but still this was a big violation of my trust.

But even if I wanted to, I couldnt just cut out X from my life as I had to do a very important project with them (started in October and if we got lucky we would get to go across the country for it) So despite my anger I made myself accept their apology and try and understand their pov. We actually had won the state part of the project and were moving on to nationals. However they informed me that in early March they had applied to a separate program without telling me and couldn't go to nationals (which would have disqualified us by this point as replacements needed to be entered before states). I was pissed as X never told me (I lead the team and had repeated told X that if they had any other plans or didn't want to go to Nationals to not go into this as its a lot of work for everyone and even one person leaving, disqualifies us) X knew they needed to be free those dates yet still went ahead and after 6 months of work just left it. By this point I didn't even argue with X and just said I didn't want to talk right now. X got mad that I wouldn't accept their 'apology' (which was them saying "Please don't hate me")

I was able to work with people higher up and get our team a replacement so we could go, but by this point I was pissed X would risk not only my safety but also an event I have worked for years on and showed how little X cared about me.

Since then I have had to deal with horrible comments and messages from random ass people who now know about my sexuality. However some of our mutual friends think I should apologize and make amends. I'm pretty against this and have said no.

Now, since we still have a lot of mutual friends X is now in a ton of my extracurriculars and my life as a whole. Now X is acting like nothing ever happened whilst I'm still having to deal with the fallout of their actions.

About half of our mutual friends know the whole situation and a few have said I should make amends and that I am being difficult for no reason, while others pretend nothing has happened and act like everyone is still buddy-buddy, and then some are fully on my side. I know some people think I'm the asshole over this, but I don't know, am I?

My boyfriend (28m) and I (25f) just moved in together this winter. Its not a major issue, but its come up enough to be notable, that he has an issue with the fact that I don't turn off the shower when I'm shaving my legs- mainly because it adds to the utility bill, though I'm not sure by how much.

Extra details: he owns the house, but we split utilities and groceries and generally have considered it fully our shared living space equally since we moved in. I have a 30-40 minute shower once every two weeks to shave my legs, as opposed to my regular 15 minute shower. I have sensitive skin so prefer to keep it on so I have steam/can rinse my razor, and that my hair which often has conditioner or a psoriasis shampoo doesn't dry out while I'm shaving. I keep it a temperature just warm enough that I don't get cold, but that isn't scalding hot.

Additional, and I'm guessing this plays in, this was an issue in his house hold growing up as well.

I'm considering just saying I'll pay an extra $10 on the utilities- but I'm not even sure if it adds up to that much extra. So, AITA?

I was a M19 and she is F18. Before you get the wrong idea my brother an I have the same mom and different dad and my brother and his sister have the same dad but different mom SO WE ARE OF NO RELATION. My brother didn’t know his dad until he was around 16 when he finally met him, and he past away not long after (the father did) and that’s when we met his sister also. After his dad died she stayed with us for awhile and we got really close. We ended up sleeping together a few times and my brother ended up finding out and getting really upset to where he wouldn’t talk to us got awhile. We’re not related so I didn’t see the big deal but it’s been about 5 years since it happened and he’s still upset. So seriously AITA?

​

Hey everyone. I'm looking for an outside perspective on a situation that's starting to really wear me down in my relationship. Me (26M) and my GF (25F) are dating for approximately half a year.

Lately, she's been completely hooked on TikTok, specifically joining live streams where people have pointless, toxic debates. The topics are mostly "red pill" stuff: whether women are still attractive after a certain age, if body counts matter, and other degrading questions like that.

She joins to "defend" women in the comments or even participating as a l"live guest", but I've explained my logic to her multiple times: By sitting there answering them and trying to argue back, she's essentially legitimizing their premise. It's like she's putting herself in the boxes they've created and giving them validation by debating these things in the first place.

The real issue between us is when and how she does it. Even when I'm sleeping over at her place and we're laying in bed together, she'll put her earbuds in to watch the live and fight in the comments.

I want to make this crystal clear: I don't care that she's on her phone before bed. I care about what she's doing on it. It’s emotionally draining and a massive turn-off seeing my partner stoop to their level and waste her energy on such misery and random toxic strangers, instead of just ignoring them.

Sometimes she even sends me the live streams so I can see what she's replying to them. I never join, and I've told her bluntly that the whole thing makes me highly uncomfortable. When I tell her this, she doesn't react badly or start a fight, but nothing changes either. She just keeps going in her own world, ignoring how it makes me feel to have that toxic energy (even silently, through earbuds) right next to me.

Am I overreacting for being so repulsed by this behavior? How would you handle this in my shoes?

TL;DR: My GF spends endless hours fighting in red pill/body count debates on TikTok, essentially giving them validation. She does this even right next to me in bed with earbuds. It's a huge turn-off seeing her stoop to this level of toxicity, despite me telling her it makes me uncomfortable.

I (F26) am officiating my best friend’s (F26) wedding. My boyfriend (m30) of 5 years is choosing to go a suicide boys concert with his friends the night of the rehearsal dinner. It’s a week away but he thought he didn’t have to go and I thought it was assumed he would. He says it’s for the wedding party and that he shouldn’t be there because he’s not in the wedding. I explained to him that the rehearsal itself is for the wedding party but the rehearsal dinner is for close friends family and people’s s/o. I also told him that I am going to be the only one in the wedding party whose S/O won’t be there. I understand that he gets really nice tickets from his work and looks forward to going to this concert. He’s gone the past 2 or 3 years. He’s also friends with the bride and this is really big day for me as well because I’m officiating. I don’t even want to try and force him to come because if he does agree to come he’s just going to be pouty about it and ruin my night but I’m feeling so let down by him. Am I over thinking this too much? Is it normal for a significant other to bail on a rehearsal dinner?

I’m 27F and have been seeing a 28M for a few months with marriage in mind. We were introduced through family and things became serious fairly quickly. He’s kind, emotionally stable, affectionate, respectful, patient, and genuinely very caring toward me. We laugh constantly, can talk for hours, have good sexual chemistry, and I feel emotionally and physically safe with him. He listens when I give feedback, apologises sincerely when he hurts me, respects my boundaries, and seems like the kind of person who could be a very good husband and father.

My issue is that I sometimes struggle with how masculine I perceive him. He isn’t as fit/muscular as the type I imagined, has hand gestures that I associate with very feminine/gay men, sometimes squeals or hums in a high-pitched voice, and even does little things like cutting his food into tiny pieces that make him seem childlike to me. I know these are stereotypes and none of this means he’s actually gay, but I’m embarrassed to admit I worry that friends/family might see the same mannerisms and judge me as if I’d “married a gay man.”

There’s also a competence/dynamic issue. I’m more educated, more worldly/well-exposed, more dominant, usually quicker at troubleshooting problems and taking charge, and I am the higher earner. He’s intelligent and capable, but much more laid-back and goofy than I am.

My biggest fear is ending up in a mother/child dynamic where I manage everything and start seeing him as someone I have to parent. I know that would destroy my attraction to him.

At the same time, he is emotionally steadier than me and often handles conflict better. My family actually thinks his calmer personality may be good for me because they don’t think I’d do well with another very intense, Type A, dominant man. They think two people like that could constantly clash, whereas he balances me out.

I also want children. I’m 27, so while I don’t want to settle out of fear, I also don’t want to keep rejecting good men while waiting for some imaginary perfect masculine, competent, compatible man to appear.
How do I tell the difference between harmless quirks/my own unrealistic expectations and a genuine incompatibility that could kill attraction over time?

TL;DR: Great 28M boyfriend who treats me very well, but I’m bothered by some feminine/childlike mannerisms, including hand gestures I associate with gay men. I’m more dominant, worldly, proactive and the higher earner, and I’m scared we could fall into a mother/child dynamic. At the same time, my family thinks his calm, laid-back nature may actually suit me better than another intense Type A man. I want children and don’t want to throw away a good relationship while waiting for perfection, but I’m scared these issues could eventually destroy my attraction.

My girlfriend is in her second year of college and I’m starting my first year. I drove her and her stuff to her apartment near college last year and drove it back at the beginning of the summer too. I offered to drive her back on Thursday. She wants to spend time with me at her college from Thursday-Sunday just before I start at college too and we’ve had this plan for around a month.

Meanwhile, I’ve been connecting with people from my future college and I got invited to a casual dinner with some students starting this year, but it will be on Friday evening (in my city). I was excited for this and called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to as well because we were saying we wanted to do more social activities together and I really want to make friends as I struggle making friends and I feel quite lonely often times. But she got really upset with me and said she’s getting fucked over (exact words). She said I’m putting her in a shit position because she doesn’t want to be the one to make the decision for me to not hang out with these people because she wants to go on Thursday evening instead. She said she’s doesn’t want to come either and is just going to get her mom to take her to college. She has a doctors appointment on Thursday morning (when she’s home from college we live about 20 minutes from each other). I tried to reason with her and said I’ll take her to her doctors appointment on Thursday, then we could sleep over at my place, go to dinner on Friday and then drive to her city (about 2 hours drive). Then she said a couple other things she’s worried about and I said how I will help her with them but she said that’s not even what she’s worried about and she wants to spend a long weekend together in her city before college. She’s saying that we might not see each other for weeks because I’m going to flake on her again? And that I don’t consider her as I didn’t invite her on a family vacation I am currently on (because she can’t afford it, and I can’t afford to pay for her).
I worked last year full time but would drive to her college city every Friday evening to spend the weekend with her and I drove her around so much. I told her that I’m happy to do these things because I love her and I want to spend time with her and help her, but she’s taking me for granted and just expecting me to drive her anywhere without consideration of what I want to do. But then she said that I’m throwing it in her face and that’s why she wants her mom to drive her to college now.

I genuinely just don’t know, am I being an asshole?

Hi I’m F18, and my former best friend M18 and I were super close like flirting and everything. I actually liked him a lot, but never confessed, but I did one day after he started being all distant…He ended up telling me a girl actually likes him and he was going to date her, but wanted me??? I strictly told him I’d be fine if he was in a relationship, I know how to establish boundaries. He said he isn’t in a relationship yet and will tell me if he is, and I told him to be honest with me, the last thing I ever want to be is a homewrecker or complicit in cheating. He asked me to be his girlfriend and said he wants me and stuff, but I said I’d rather take it slower, because I’m still wary abt this other girl. My intuition was correct and he had been actively dating this other girl whilst also confessing he wanted me and loved me? I told him I’m hurt by his lying and I would’ve rather he just told me he’s in a relationship, because I’m fine with that. He says ‘I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to distance’ like what the fuck…

He keeps insisting he wants me and only me and loves me and i guess I’m easy because I give him a chance and accept to move things along with our relationship, until 2 days later he says he isn’t ready, and I’m fine with being friends honestly I don’t really mind. I would ask him if it’s because of the other girl, or if I did anything he denied it all, and just told me he doesn’t want to lose me. That’s all good I don’t mind being friends and having our lil flirty moments, but I also made him promise to tell me if he ever got in a relationship because I don’t wanna be weird to him if he is. He said he promises and he will be honest.

Fast forward we keep flirting, this time we have sexual jokes between us and things but for some reason I can’t shake it off my mind that this girl and him might possibly be together again, all whilst he talks abt masturbsting and sending me moaning voice notes… I message him saying ‘don’t you think it’s wrong to act like this whilst ur in a relationship’ trying to see if he would admit or something, and he continued to deny being in one, but my gut was twisting up inside and I just messaged her. I had her contact so I asked her for the truth, and she told me they were dating… i told her I understand and things and I’m sorry for everything. This man doesn’t even apologise for what he did, but rather the fact he was caught, you can tell he only apologise and admitted after I went to find out the truth myself. I don’t know how long he was going to string me along in our friendship and relationship and how long he was going to lie to me so I cut him off. He got angry and upset at me, and I proceeded to tell the girl abt our convos whilst they were together, including mentions of nsfw content, and I apologised because I promise I never wanted to be complicit in that behaviour, I was continuously lied to.

End of it all, they both got upset at me??? She stayed with him, and he blocked me everywhere and said it was a bad decision for me to tell her he was cheating and he was going to tell her anyway (don’t think so but anyway)…. Our close friendship was ruined over him not being able to tell the truth at all.., and for some reason I feel like the bitch in this scenario

TL;DR: Girlfriend had shady behavior with her flirty boss during our relationship, not caring about my feeling of discomfort. Two years passed by I still resent her for that.

We've been dating for 3 year now, but we were dating for little around 5 months when all of this mess happened. Still, it was that kind of relationship where each other know that it's gonna be "the one". We were already talking about kids, marriage, and we were already living in the same apartment. Everything was flawless, until L came.

Super tall, long hair, tanned and good looking. He's her new boss and starts to flirt with every girl in the hotel we worked and lived in, my girlfriend included.

I'll admit it, I'm a bit intimidated by him at first. I'm not really good looking (but she is) and our relationship was just five months old and still subject to sudden changes. But I thought to myself to wait and see how things go.

Well, this is where I notice a change in her behavior.

She suddenly become distant (phisically and emotionally) towards me when he's in the room and talks to her. She leans on whatever she has in front when she talks with him. One night she even asks me: "do you ever wonder if you look good when someone new comes?". There I started to make 2 + 2.

I'm starting to think she has a crush on him, maybe an innocent one which she wouldn't act on, but still a crush.

He, on the other hand, is such an attention seeker. He knows mu girlfriend would play along with whatever is up to and just buzz around her like a bee, not even trying to talk with me when I'm standing literally next to her. He starts to text her in the middle of the night (like over midnight), send her snaps and reels every single day, to which she answers every single time.

I try and I try to ignore that, but in the end I tell her that I'm starting to feeling uncomfortable and I suspect that she might have a crush on him. She firmly denies that and toss aside my suspect that he could have a thing for her. But then she tells me not to talk to him to settle things right because she would do it herself.

She never did it, and things escalated up to the point that he would feel allowed to come literally in between us while we are dancing on the dance floor.

I'm not the guy to assert dominance or anything, but I give my girlfriend an ultimatum: she either starts to move away from his interaction or our relationship is over.

She says that she cannot stop talking to him because he's her boss, and I don't pretend that. I ask her to not answer to him to every reel or snap he sends her, to not text him in the middle of the night because that's not the way a boss should behave with his employees in the first place. Imagine with an employee who also has a boyfriend and can see everything that he tries to d, pretty much unable to do anything cause I work in a hotel bar and any misbehave could get me fired.

She tells me that she will try to change her relationship with him and she actually tries, for like a couple of weeks. Then she gives in again. While she was using Snapchat next to me (I NEVER snooped through her phone, but during this time I was really tempted to) I see that she has a flame with him on Snapchat, which means that for every snap that he sent her she responded for some days in a row. I ask her why and she tells me that she feels bad for him when she doesn't answer.

To make it short, cause this is getting long and I thank the brave soul that read through all of that rant, there will be few other occasions where she will actively try to get his attention, following a fight between me and her. This went on for almost a year, where she never admitted that she wanted to seek his attention, where I was dismissed as the crazy, jealous one (I never had any issue about her talking with guys or colleagues, and other people noticed how insistent her boss was towards her).

During his last season at the hotel, in the end, she ends up hating on him as well, but not because of me, but because he was being a dick with her friends as well... And that kinda made it worse. You don't give a damn when it's me he's being a dick to, but when he does it to your friends you are suddenly convinced about his evilness. Either way, I got some satysfaction in the end cause the whole hotel staff ended up hating on him, his employees included.

Sorry for the long post. I think that the fact that I'm still mad at her after three year is due mostly to the fact that she never really gave me time to cool off and think about the whole situation. Everytime we would fight she would be like "please don't be mad at me" or "please don't ignore me, cause it hurts and you don't care about how it hurts for me when you behave like that". So I was always giving in and try to make it pass. But what about my feelings? What about how I felt every time he was trying to charm you and you would sit next to him even tho you knew he would start flirting with you?

Good think we are not in that hotel anymore. But the some resentment still lingers.

Thank you for reading, I know it was a lot.

​

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know if I’m looking at this situation the right way.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend, “Maya,” for about five months.

Five months isn’t a long time, which is part of why this whole situation has me feeling so strongly about it.

I’ve had a pretty shitty hand in life. I’m not going to pretend I’ve always made the best decisions or that everything that has happened to me is someone else’s fault. I have baggage. I have responsibilities. I’ve had to fight pretty hard just to get myself into a position where things are finally starting to improve.

Financially, I don't make much. A lot of what I do make goes straight toward childcare, bills, and basic expenses. I’m working and trying to improve my situation, but there isn't a lot left over at the end of the month.

Then my car died.

For someone who doesn't have much financial breathing room, losing a car isn't just an inconvenience. It can completely derail everything. It affects getting to work, getting things done, handling responsibilities, and basically continuing the progress you're trying to make.

And I didn't really have a way to replace it.

Maya knew that.

And she bought me a car to use.

We've only been together five months.

She didn't have to do that.

She could have told me that my problems were my problems. She could have decided that getting involved financially was way too much, especially this early in a relationship.

Instead, she saw me struggling and decided she wanted to help.

I'm incredibly grateful for it. More than I think I can properly explain.

But there's another side to this that is really fucking with me.

Maya has gotten really upset about the whole situation. Not angry at me. She's upset \*about\* the situation. And she has cried over it.

Seeing that absolutely destroys me.

I love this woman. I don't mean that in some casual, five-month, caught-up-in-the-new-relationship way. I love her very passionately and genuinely. I have absolutely no interest in hurting her, taking advantage of her, or shorting her on repayment.

If I owe her money, I intend to repay her. I don't want her generosity to turn into something she regrets.

And that's where I've started struggling mentally.

I’m starting to feel like, as her partner, part of my responsibility is to protect her.

Not just physically or from outside problems.

But from me, too.

From the baggage I bring with me. From the financial problems I've had. From the consequences of a life that hasn't exactly gone according to plan.

I don't want to become someone she has to rescue.

I don't want her crying because my life is a mess.

I don't want her feeling responsible for fixing things that aren't hers to fix.

But at the same time, I don't want to push her away because I'm ashamed that I haven't got everything figured out yet.

Things really are starting to get better for me. I'm working. I'm trying. I'm rebuilding. The car dying was just a massive blow because it came at a point where I was finally starting to feel like I was moving forward.

And Maya stepping in prevented that setback from becoming something much bigger.

Part of me feels incredibly lucky.

Another part of me feels guilty as hell.

And now I'm seriously asking myself something that I never thought I'd have to ask this early in a relationship:

\*\*Should I give the car back and leave her alone?\*\*

Not because I don't love her.

Almost the opposite.

Because I love her enough that the thought of her being hurt because of my situation makes me question whether staying with me is fair to her.

Maybe the right thing to do is return the car, take the financial hit myself, and let her have a relationship where she doesn't have to deal with all the baggage I've accumulated over the years.

But another part of me thinks that would be incredibly unfair to her too.

She made the choice to help me. She chose to be there. And if I suddenly decide \*for her\* that I'm too much of a burden and walk away, am I actually protecting her—or am I just running away because I feel ashamed?

I don't want to make a decision for her based on my guilt.

I also don't want to accept her generosity and then fail her.

I'm trying to figure out how to balance all of this.

I love this woman. I want to build something real with her. I want to repay what I owe her. I want to get myself into a position where I'm not constantly fighting to keep my head above water.

And more than anything, I don't want the person I love to get hurt because she decided to stand beside me while I was struggling.

\*\*Do I accept the help, make a realistic repayment plan, keep working on getting my life in order, and let her decide whether she wants to stand beside me?\*\*

\*\*Or should I return the car and walk away from her because loving someone also means knowing when your baggage is too much for them?\*\*

I (19F) befriended a guy (23M) I met at the gym at around July of 2025. We worked in the same area and saw each other from time to time. We'd talk during our free time. By November 2025, he invited me to hang out with him at his home city. I told him I would, if he gave me time to book my fare and board, but he offered to pay for it himself. I insisted not to, but it was too late and I decided to go with the flow. He showed me around his home city, taking me to his favorite childhood restaurants, malls, and historical buildings. I enjoyed my time spent with him, and I promised I'd pay him back for all the expenses. He told me not to worry about it.

Our next time we hung out, I decided to take him up my favorite hiking spot. This is when he started to drop hints that he wanted to be more than just friends. I ordered an uber to take us to a nearby restaurant after our hike. While we were waiting for our food, he kept asking questions about relationships, how I felt about him, and what my type was. I tried to be as direct and respectful as possible. I explained how I didn't feel any attraction towards him, and I liked being friends with him, nothing more. It's worth noting that I was deeply questioning my sexuality at the time, and I realized that I wasn't romantically attracted to men the same way I was to women. I tried explaining that to him too, except I wasn't sure that he understood entirely. Either way, I made it clear that nothing more than friendship was going to happen between us. He did look disappointed, but agreed to keep being friends after that. I kept my promise from the last trip and took the check for the both of us. He paid for the uber going back.

He visited me at work a couple days later while I was pulling night shift. He offered to bring me food and drinks, and other stuff I might've needed. I passed the offer up, but told him he could stay and hang out if he wanted to. He pulled up a chair ridiculously close to mine and just kept staring into my soul for the next 5 minutes, until I asked him if he was okay. I turned up some music to dish away the awkward silence, but he still wouldn't break his eye contact. Every time I'd move back even slight inches, he'd inch closer to me. He'd laugh and try to hold my hand, as if we were dating. Then he said something along the lines of "the more you keep pushing me away the more I like you." I didn't like that, but we were alone and I felt it was too risky to straight up tell him to f off, so I called my other co-worker who was also working the night shift, asking to swap out. My friend finally left once my co-worker showed up, but came back when it was my turn to work again. He was less weird this time because he was tired, and so he fell asleep while sitting in the chair next to me. He woke up 30 mins later and left.

Winter came around and he invited me to an indoor water park, to which I straight up said no. He was upset and began to beg me. As far as I could remember, he started acting sad and ignored me for the next couple of hours. Still, I kept my no until I got a text from him apologizing for how he acted, and that he just wanted to see me in a swimsuit.

The next time we hung out, it was at a restaurant with a mutual friend. I worked at the same company with the moot but we hardly saw each other. When my guy friend walked away for a split second at the table, this moot asked me how I felt about my friend. I told the moot that I wasn't interested in him like that, basically the same thing I told the guy (to include my sexual orientation), but the moot kept insisting how much of a good guy he was, and that I should really consider getting with him because he really liked me.

I genuinely enjoyed spending time with my guy friend because we had relatively the same personality, but with different lives, so our conversations were endless. However, it absolutely irked me how people on the outside perceived us as a couple, and he kept entertaining it in a way. I also hated how much he'd try to get all touchy or stare at me when he knew I didn't feel the same way for him. At this point, I already lost it and I started ignoring him when I could and becoming annoyed whenever he tried to speak to me.

For the following weeks, he'd invite me out to eat, and I'd decline because I wanted to be alone. Then he would complain about how I never reciprocated, and he didn't see a point in being close with a girl if there was no chance of dating. I really should've ended the "friendship" at that point, but , I really didn't want to lose someone I felt platonically connected to, so I did everything in my power to maintain it. Still, I'd get mad whenever he'd try to bring up relationship talk and it would just ruin the mood all over again. We'd be on and off for certain days and it got to a point where he'd start ignoring me, online and in person.

He wasn't really a bad person with ill intent as it might've seemed. As a matter of fact, some might say he is every girl's dream man. He was presentable and studious. He dressed well, he had initiative, ambition, and room for romance. The way he planned things, it was like he brought his Pinterest board to life. The issue was that he tried his charm on a girl like me, who wasn't interested in him like that.

TW: Nsfw topics, mentions of suicide and suicide intention

A while ago (Around 1-2 months) I had an experience with one of my friends. (Just some people online being mean, it wasn't horrible but it did make me feel a bit down) I had eventually gotten home and felt relieved, I got on my phone to talk to my friends in their group chat, but I saw that a few of them had been just spamming a video of a character... massaging his pelvic area intimately (Idk why, they just found it funny ig?) Normally, most teenagers wouldn't find this much of an issue, but I had a situation happen to me that caused me to have trauma relating to seeing much things sexual

Because of this, I had gotten uncomfortable with what they were doing, so had another one of my friends, who had left the group chat because of it. So I had said to them "Screw you all for making (Friends name) feel uncomfortable". And then I left the group chat too, the main person who started the "joke" (I won't say his name for privacy reasons, so I'll just call him Tim) had messaged me personally and started getting mad at me, saying I had faked my trauma because I am queer (I'm lesbian. Also like, no correlation???). He had kept calling me "Kiddo" while trying to accuse me of saying some "Sexual" things (His "evidence" was me joking about how my two friends who both like each other, should kiss). I of course, called him stupid, and just said if he wanted to argue then he can leave
^Tim has also pretended to be trans for attention (It was supposedly "For a joke" but like cmon, what kinda joke is that) Also he started this thing while there were minors present in the group chat (One that was 14, the other that was 17 at the time. While Tim was 19. Also he really REALLY tries to get the 17 year old one to agree with everything going on, which seems weird to me)

He then promptly blocked me and went to take what I said out of context to try and make all my friends hate me. One of them, sided with him because they just didn't wanna upset him. He then took the screenshot of my friend siding with him and sent it to me. This made me think that my only and best friends hated me, because of that I had decided to end it all, so I tried to with a knife but after a while of contemplating, I couldn't

I eventually fell asleep on the floor and after a while, I started to feel a little better, since finding out that the friend that sided with him just didn't wanna upset anyone. Nor did any of the friends that Tim told me, actually hated me.

Since then I have not really forgiven him, because he never really showed any improvement, also he has done similar things in the past, where he has gotten mad over something super small someone said, forced one of the victim's friends to agree with him, then just go on a rant how they always hated the victim and how life would be so much better if he had never met them (His words, not mine)

Even though I try to mainly keep my protests about his behavior to myself, sometimes I share this with some of my friends, which most of them, upon telling them this, tell me that I should just move on already, or that I'm just overreacting, which makes me feel really unsure about the situation, because I don't think I handled it too wrong, but maybe I'm being a bad person for not forgiving him?

I'm not sure anymore

So context, me 20f have a uni friend group, 20f, 22f and 25f. At the end of the last uni year me and other 20f I'll call n, had a rough friendship breakup

More on the friendship breakup, she kept making ableist and homophobic 'jokes' towards me and during the break up we were working together on a lab project and she was making it incredibly hard to work with her. Like she would bring up upsetting topics while I was trying to work, because several hours late and leave hours early, mess up parts of the experiment (like making samples unusable) and other things. There was more but I don't want this to be too long lol

Also in the end I reported n to the uni conduct team (they are investigating)

During the break up, the mutual friends werent being the best, 22f refused to hear anything about it or get involved and 25f (she's like the mum of the group) was basically playing middle man giving me and n advice however this advice was quite bias. She told me that I should be the bigger person and forgive because n is just like that and ns mental health is worse (even tho I had opened up to her about my mental health struggles).

Anyways we've been on summer break so not seen eachother and at the start of summer I made a GC without n because I didn't feel comfortable talking in the old GC (I also said that in the first messages in the GC) and recently 22f asked to add n to the GC because she feels bad because 'we all only talk on here', I said no and luckily she respected that but this has me doubting what else they will try to push on.

Like at the end of last year there was a pattern of me coming to lecture early and sitting down, 22f and 25f coming in a bit later and sitting with me and then n coming in late and sitting with us (even tho this made me uncomfortable visabley) also it doesn't help that n dominates convos so talking with my friends felt impossible.

I was also talking to other ppl in my course and they were basically saying that if they were my mutual friends they wouldn't be friends with n still after what she did to me and in the report meeting my lecturer told me basically the same thing.

So would I be an ahole if I asked my mutual friend to choose between me and n

If not this how do I help this situation for myself

also I have made friends from my course outside the friend group!

Hi there! I’m a 20 YO (M) and my partner is a 20 YO (F), who we’ll just call Marie. Just as some context about our relationship, we started dating a little over half a year ago due to reconnecting via social media. Things have been really nice in our relationship and we’ve both been learning a lot from one another.

Recently though, Marie had to move to a new place after her roommate went ballistic and it was no longer safe for her to stay with her roommate. Not being able to stay with me, because I stay with family, she had to move in with her aunt. This aunt of her’s isn’t a bad person, but the living situation isn’t the best for anyone in the house. Because of the poor situation, it’s been bringing up a lot of stress and turmoil within Marie, which has caused her to nitpick everything in my life and start arguments.

I thought things had gotten better, but one day she went through my phone whilst she was over my house and I was busy. And before you think she found me cheating, she didn’t. Marie actually found a very crude and honestly unnecessary joke I made with my best friend/sister. The joke was of me planning to prank my ex (whom I’m not on bad or good terms with). Marie thought it was highly inappropriate and that I shouldn’t have been making jokes like that, let alone with my sister (who she already isn’t a big fan of). The whole situation caused a big argument and subsequently ended with me cutting off communication with my sister.

Well after already feeling like shit for having to cut off my sister/best friend, I felt it was smart to just cut off all my other friends. I sent each of them a farewell text and swiftly blocked them afterwards because I couldn’t bare actually hearing their words.

Now just as a preface, I did this without my girlfriend actually knowing and she has since found out. It’s only been about two weeks and all my friends I cut off have since blocked me back and actually removed me from their social medias.

So, AITAH for choosing my relationship with my girlfriend over my relationship with my friends?

My boyfriend and I had an argument, and I’ve been giving him the silent treatment because he doesn’t seem to believe he did anything wrong. He told me he liked the nose contour of some other girls, which I know doesn’t seem that bad. However, I explained to him that it upset me because he barely compliments me anymore. He said it’s because he doesn’t want to use the same compliments over and over, and because I don’t dress up or do my makeup to go out. I only do it to make TikTok videos. He then made the conversation about him, which is something he’s done in the past. I just stopped talking, even though he hurt my feelings a lot. I was so done with it because it seems like he never listens to me when I say I just want him to compliment me more. When we got home, I went straight to bed. I woke up to a Dr Pepper next to me. I love Dr Pepper and my boyfriend, but I don’t want him to think he doesn’t have to apologize.

AITA for considering leaving my boyfriend after fighting to save our relationship?

Title: AITA for considering leaving my boyfriend after fighting to save our relationship?

I’m wondering whether I’m being unfair by considering ending my relationship, or whether staying would mean abandoning myself.

My boyfriend (M40), and I (F26) got together around November. At first, he was affectionate, attentive, communicative and intentional. I fell deeply in love with him.

Around March, he became emotionally distant. I started questioning myself and over-functioning, initiating conversations, trying to repair things and carrying most of the emotional weight. I eventually realized I wasn’t asking for too much; I wanted communication, consistency, consideration and intimacy.

In May, he left the country without telling me. We barely spoke for a week, and my concern felt minimized. A pattern developed: he would disappear, I would reach my limit, and then he would become warm again.

In June, I stopped chasing, and he began pursuing me again. The affection returned, but it never lasted. Things would improve just long enough for me to relax before the distance came back.

There have been countless smaller incidents, unconfirmed plans, hours of silence and disappearing without explanation. Eventually I stopped panicking when he went quiet, but I think I simply became tired.

He once told me he depended on me to be his backbone. I said I was always in his corner. He replied that he wanted me actively in his corner. I thought, How can I be actively in your corner when you won’t let me into yours?

I’ve also examined my own behavior. I know I’ve struggled with anxiety, control and over-functioning, and I’ve been working on those issues. I’ve sought advice from trusted coaches and mentors, who consistently told me to protect my peace.

He isn’t terrible. He’s generous, sweet and sometimes deeply loving. That’s what makes leaving difficult. I keep seeing enough of the good version of him to wonder whether I’m giving up on something that could be great.

Recently, after another period of distance, I stopped fighting. Then he became warm again, and the relationship felt peaceful, almost like having my November boyfriend back.

But I’ve seen this pattern before:

Things get bad. I pull back. He becomes warm. I believe in us again. Then the distance returns.

I still love him, but I’m tired. I’ve started asking myself:

Can I see myself married to this man if nothing changes?

Honestly, no. I don’t want a marriage filled with emotional unavailability, uncertainty or temporary improvements after I threaten to leave.

I know relationships aren’t perfect, and I know we both have flaws. But I don’t think I’m asking for too much. He may simply be unable to love me in the way I need right now. He can love me, and I can still be unhappy.

I’ve prayed, communicated, given space, worked on myself and tried to trust him. I’m tired of feeling like the relationship only works when I do everything correctly.

So, Reddit, AITA for considering leaving even though things are currently better?

Am I giving up too soon, or am I ignoring the pattern because I’m attached to the good version of him?

How do you know when you’re fighting for your relationship versus fighting against its reality?

I am 19m and moving out for college, and my family, friends, and girlfriend were helping me out. As I was driving to campus, I had my girlfriend with me so she could help, and I thought maybe I could get lucky since I was wearing the tank top she loves on me so much. Anyways, I pulled up and got my things out of the trunk, and she didn't get anything at all, but I didn't care because I thought she was going to get the door for me. But she just stood there in front of the door and said, and I quote, "Ahem, aren't you going to get that?" At first I thought she was joking, but she looked me dead in the eye and said, "I'm waiting." I then told her that I can't because my hands are literally full. Now I know what some of you are thinking that they probably aren't that full but I was carrying my things with two hands and they were extremely heavy and if I moved one hand it would all fall and I had some fragile things such as my Lego sets and before you ask no I didn't super glue them because I don't believe in doing that to Legos so yeah. After a good 30 seconds, someone then opened the door for us, and we walked inside, and the same thing happened when we reached my dorm room, and fortunately my roommate was walking out as we reached the door. So now my girlfriend wants to break up with me because apparently I don't know how to treat a lady, even though I have opened doors for her many times.

My on and off boyfriend of 7 years has always since I met him had a problem with addiction. That being said within these past 7 years he was put on Drug court and was maintaining sobriety enough for him to graduate. So he was able to stay sober and get a job. The past 3 years he introduced me to being an addict and now here I am on drug court, doing well I've been sober for a year and he keeps relapsing. We break up because he chooses to go use and then he comes back awhile later every time saying he's ready to get sober and he misses me. I fall for it every time. This time I wasn't putting up with it I made him go to rehab 3 different times and each time he said this was it he's ready, only for him to come out and start flirting with girls because he got 'too comfortable ' with them while I'm at work. Now he has moved in with his brother who is schizophrenic so he yells and screams to himself all day. I was under the impression he was staying clean and keeping drugs out of the house, come to find out he's been using with his brother and lying about it and trying to gaslight me saying it's his brother or it's his brother's fault . I'm in love with him, we are good together but now I can't stop assuming every time I leave his house he gets high. Last night I left and this morning I come back to smell burnt popcorn and febreeze. I wake him up asking him why he keeps lying to me and using when almost every day it seems I ask him if today's the day he stops. Am I the azzhole for being paranoid that he's using every chance he gets when my back is turned? He keeps getting violently mad when I confront him about my suspicion and somehow I'm the one paranoid when he's the one lying to me. I really need help, I want to leave him because I know it's going to get worse and I don't want to be around for it. But I also love him and want to see him through this period and get him sober. What do I do?