10 days. I made it to 10 days! After a horrible experience I decided it was enough. I reached out to my friend and asked if she wanted to be my AA sponsor. She did want to help me. Since then im in daily online meetings, sponsor meetings, reading the AA bigbook and writing. I must say I feel great, I sleep better, I have a better mood overall, im happier. No big cravings, although I do think about alcohol. Specially when I used to drink in secret. Like a trip to the store was an opportunity to drink, so when I go to the store now im like: I used to take this chance to drink. I am so grateful for my sponsor, I am willing to do everything she tells me to do. I AM doing everything she tells me to do. Let's make tofay a great day and: I will NOT drink with you today!

Day 1. Hopefully won't poison myself today.

Made it through the weekend without a craving. I didn’t try and quit this time - I just stopped because I had a multi-week binge of bad food and too much booze - and after a month of worsening stomach problems it got to be too much. I was thinking of going to hospital. But I got over that one horrible day and followed a strict recovery diet and it’s so strange, with health as an excuse, alcohol isn’t a choice, and without decision fatigue I don’t think about it. Ok that’s a lie, day one I thought about it, but not now. Not so far.

So my dumb ass yesterday afternoon thought popping an addie (not prescribed) was the greatest idea ever. 2 AM me is very much regretting that decision 💀 thank god I WFH tomorrow, but it's still gonna be rough to get through on no sleep.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I've been able to stay away from beer for the most part for a while now - longer than I think I've ever gone without it. But I'll have a good week or two, and then inevitably trade it for some other vice. I have officially "made it" in life after years and years of nonstop survival mode, and that's on top of a rough childhood. I SHOULD be proud of myself and content, but frustratingly, I'm not. When I was struggling, there was always a catastrophe to navigate or a goal to be reached. Kept me motivated and busy. But now? I have everything I've ever wanted (at least in a material sense) and there's nothing left to strive for that I desire.

Don't I sound like such an ungrateful cunt, esp in THIS economy?? Lol! But something they never warn you about is: the hard part isn't BUILDING your life - it's the LIVING of it. I was so busy for so long just trying to SURVIVE, that I never learned how to live. I never stopped to think about what I actually wanted, bc all I "wanted" (needed) at the time was a roof over my head, and to not have to worry about where my next meal was coming from.

I moved on from that to doing a lot of inner work, which helped me see the toxic influences in my life for who they were, and I cut them out. My mental/emotional health considerably improved as a result - but that's ANOTHER thing they don't tell you: healing sometimes means you lose a lot of people. And there's not exactly a deluge of better people that are gonna rush in and fill that vacuum when they're gone. Healing also sometimes means anger. Now that there's distance there, I can see more clearly just how bad it was. Add in getting a late autism diagnosis on TOP of that? It completely changes the whole perspective of your lived experience - and the RAGE I felt when I finally saw things the way they really were... my god. To see the good in everyone can be such a dangerous thing.

I don't know where to go from here. And I guess that's why I drink and do drugs about it. What was the point of all that hard work and self-improvement? To sit alone in my ivory tower (save for a wonderful bf) and putter about, enjoying the fruits of my labor until I die like a Boomer in Margaritaville? I'm 30-goddamn-1 years old - I'm not even CLOSE to the finish line. Go out, get a hobby and make friends? I just had to let go of almost everyone I loved to save myself. I DO NOT relish the idea of giving yet another person the opportunity to hurt me like that. At least I have Reddit, where I can scream into the void at internet strangers. Where I - where we all - have the freedom to exercise selective vulnerability, safely tucked away behind a pseudonym.

If you've read this far, you're a champ lmao! Thank you for listening to my self-indulgent tirade. I used to write a lot when I was younger. Feels good to flex that muscle again every once in a while.

I made the decision to quit drinking 8 days ago. It’s actually been a couple of days longer since I last had a drink but figured I’d start counting from the point that I actively chose to stop.

Honestly I feel like it’s been coming for a while. I’m in my late 30s, been drinking since my teens. I didn’t have some cinematic rock bottom moment, more a slow realisation that I’ve terminally lost control of my relationship with alcohol. You tell yourself all sorts of things to cope - ‘I just get that way when I drink wine so I’ll stick to beer,’ ‘I shouldn’t have gone out without eating first last night, that was the problem,’ ‘no spirits for a week to give myself a break,’ etc - but the fact is that I can no longer predict with any reliability whether a day/night drinking will be an uneventful few pints with friends or a binge that sees me waking up hung over, anxious and regretful, and to be honest the latter is getting a lot more frequent than in the past.

The last time I got drunk was a night out with friends and my girlfriend. After a few I could feel that I wasn’t in control, couldn’t stop myself from drinking quickly, having another and another, etc. For probably the first time I felt actively, consciously vulnerable, so of course I drank more to shut that feeling up. Rest of the night was a blur, woke up the next day to my other half crying, which has happened way too much.

The first week has been rough. Physically I feel shot through - exhausted, struggling to focus, waking up with stiff muscles, a killer sore throat the past few days that could just be some autumn bug going around but doesn’t feel like a coincidence. Emotionally I feel… sad, a combination of reflecting on all the wasted time and the hurt I’ve inadvertently but carelessly caused my other half while drunk, hoping that I’ve not left that too late to fix, and I guess grieving my relationship with alcohol? I really enjoy going for a few drinks with friends, going for dinner and chatting easily over a bottle of wine, having a couple of cocktails with my girlfriend after work, a pint at the football, etc. I like the feeling of a heavy glass in my hand, the chill of a pint on a hot day, a wine paired well with dinner, a quick one after work with a colleague, stuff like that. Part of me feels really sad that I’ve let myself get so far gone that I can’t see a way to enjoy that without the downsides, and worries that I’ll struggle to enjoy the texture of those moments in future as much as before, and feels jealous of those people who can without putting themselves at risk.

I’ve always had pretty decent willpower - I stopped smoking pretty much cold turkey at the end of my 20s, I bit my nails since childhood until one day I just decided to stop - but I can already tell that this is going to be much harder. Getting some sort of help would definitely, well, help, but I’m not looking forward to having to ‘out’ myself as somebody who’s got a drinking problem.

There are things I’m looking forward to, but I’m trying not to jump too quickly into doing a page-one rewrite of parts of my life too quickly before reaching some sort of equilibrium yet. Posting this mostly to keep myself accountable, but hopefully this resonates with somebody and would appreciate any feedback or advice.

Trying again for the millionth time. I haven't had a full month sober since 2020. I've been a regular weekend drinker for 15 years, and for the last 6 years it's been almost daily.

I told myself I was de-stressing after the workday. I was just having a drink with dinner. Became a bottle a night. Became drinking at 10am on a Saturday, just to stop the shakes. I've completely lost the plot. It's not even enjoyable anymore. Everytime I wake up after spending the day drinking I ask myself "what was that all for?". Did it make me feel good? Feel happy? Feel less stressed? No. It may have helped me dim my anxiety for an hour, but that's it. The face bloating, the weight gain, waking up sick and shaking, all of that for an hour of feeling warm and fuzzy? Complete insanity. And yet I do it again and again and again, expecting a different outcome.

I am done with disappointing myself. I am done with waking up sick, feeling guilty for wasting another day sitting on the couch drinking. I am wasting my life, hurting my health, jeopardizing my job and relationships. All to try to self medicate my anxiety. And just making it worse in the process.

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

It makes me feel like drinking is very interesting. And it makes me feel that everything else is dull.

But i just imagined if someone were to ask me "what interesting things are you doing?" there is no way i would answer "i look at a screen all evening and drink alcohol". That would a very sad answer.

I have had a few attempts at getting sober and I realized that I am stuck in a quitting-relapse loop.

In the last loop, I spent a lot of time working on my people pleasing tendencies and it helped me realize that instead of quitting with a “I’ll decide about the vacation when I get there“ or telling people “it’s just temporary” to get them off my back. I need to make a decision. A permanent one, no “future me will decide” or playing it down because I fear people will reject me. The type of decision where the only objective is to protect myself with my life.

Only when I decide and close that door will the loop end.

I’m scared, because I know it’s going to cost me. I just don’t know what.

So I'm very newly sober, 2 weeks 3 days, and out of the blue I decided to text an old high school friend of mine that I haven't spoken to in probably over a decade.

Here's some info to give context to where we're both at in life right now.

We're both in our late 30s right now.

I spent the last 15 years being an alcoholic and an addict.

He spent the last 15 years building a family and a life.

Before then we were very good friends even after high school until I guess our mid to late 20s.

I just don't know what to do.... I really wanna see him and talk to him because he was kinda my best friend for several years, but we're just at such different places, I'm fucking 39 and living with my mom. He's got a wonderful life with a beautiful family. Plus, I could really use a friend right now, I cut off all negative relationships that I had.

I just... Don't wanna be the same bummer that I was over a decade ago, and I'm definitely different now, but I just don't know wtf to think or do or act like...

Anybody else know how I feel? Any legitimate advice is welcome.

I plan on doing literally NOTHING but watching movies and eating junk food ALL DAY. No gym, no chores, phone on do not disturb, hell might even just stay in my underwear all day.

Basically just giving myself permission to be as useless and unproductive as I want to be tomorrow. As long as booze does not enter my mouth, then it will be an absolute win in my books.

Anyone else ever try this approach?

Btw, any movie recs for my binge session tomorrow?

Hello friends,

I've recently realized that being sober has allowed me to focus massively on career + progress (I was a binge drinker - once or twice a month)

I've always stayed fit, so that was issue before. I have grown pretty tired of my current life- and I have big opportunites awaiting me first quarter next year. Getting sober has pushed these changes forward 6-12 months. GREAT!

However, while being sober lit the fire uner my ass, it also amplified my distain for my current environemnt. It made me look massively down at the people around me- my wife even caught some strays. :(

IT may be true that I need a change and need to leave some bad work associates behind, but I noticed I became really egotistical. Hate and fire in my heart. Not listening to my wife. Viewing her as not a PART of my success. Training hard, making career moves--- I became a ego maniac. Had a big fight with my wife over it yesterday-

She showed me that I had too much pride. She's the best in the world.

Has anyone else dealth with this?

Thank you - any advice is appreciated.

Fifteen days isn't a long time in the abstract. But I started drinking in my early twenties, and I've apparently never once gone this long without a drink since. (Three years ago I did fourteen days, but I spent a good chunk of that time with COVID.) That's not the same as saying I've been wrecked for twenty years — it just means there was always something. Wine with dinner, a drink or two during a work happy hour, a nightcap after a long day. Never zero.

My relationship with alcohol started getting a lot worse six years ago, during The Plague. Never zero turned into never just one. There was nothing to do and nowhere to be, boredom gave way to complacency, and in no time I found myself walking to my "sidewalk bar" and starting way earlier than I was used to. The Plague ended, but the new routine stuck. I started to suspect I had a problem, but I still didn't have a compelling reason to stop. So I didn't.

Fifteen days ago I finally decided to at least give it a try. For a few weeks before that I'd started "feeling" something new under my ribcage. "Is that... is that my liver I'm feeling? Should I (finally) take a break? Is it even safe to just stop like that?" I had a ton of thoughts, but I decided I would really give it a try. Two weeks later and I'm still here, counting the number of weeks now, and not days or even hours, and honestly starting to feel like I have no reason to drink again.

I started naltrexone a little over a week ago and today was the first day that I didn’t obsess or finagle my way to a drink. My obsessive thoughts about the romance of the pour the sniff and taste did not creep up at the usual time. And I did not drink today. Thank you to anyone that reads this. Happy Monday night.

I’ve had a rough upbringing when it comes to drinking. My mom had been an alcoholic for 10+ years until she decided to accept help after an overdose attempt. That day will live with me forever. She has been sober since, for over two years. When she decided to get sober, I did too, and was sober for over 7 months, until my buddy from out of town decided to visit for the first time ever, and I drank that night. Ever since then, in November 2025, I have gotten sucked back into the habit of drinking, under the false
Impression that I can control myself. I have drank ever since then, for over 3 nights a week. I type this right now after I have snuck a bottle of honey jack from the liquor store into my house with no one noticing, and drinking in silence with my roommate in the same room.

I have a problem and I know it. This subreddit helps, but I need help in controlling my urges. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, but I felt the need to message and make this post in hopes that I can find help, and that it helps someone else. I know your struggle, and I have a hard time going through this myself.

I know that I’m taking years off of my life. Hiding from everyone else makes me feel good in the moment, but situations like this make me reflect on things and realize the harm I’m doing to myself and everyone else.

Starting now I will try my best to get through this, and not drink anymore. Hopefully when I wake up in the morning, this will be a reality check, and I won’t convince myself to drink the following night.

Thank you for listening ❤️

Sobriety has been pretty lonely for me. I've been sober for 6 months but much of it was spent in jail on a DUI. This time I've lost everything, my house, my car, my job and my social life. I would always go to my mom for emotional support but while I was in jail she had a stroke and can no longer provide support as her cognitive abilities are practically gone. I'm currently in a recovery house trying to get my life back together but I'm just lost. I go to groups every day but can seem to break out of my shell and share or meet new people. I don't like sharing my life in those groups and I'm really reserved from opening up to people before and them abandoning me. It's much easier to post on here. I get hit with massive waves of depression and shame about my life and I guess I just need some support or someone to talk to.

Hi all, I just want to start off by saying I do have an appointment scheduled with my doctor and a sleep specialist for other medical reasons for my insomnia.

Has anyone struggled with no cravings or desire to relapse during the day - and then in your dreams/nightmares you are purchasing to relapse? I have been having vivid memories since day 1 and it’s not every night, but frequently enough that I wake up with my heart racing like NASCAR because of how real it feels.

I know i’m not letting myself or the people around me down, but damn. I would TOTALLY take a nightmare about my boyfriend cheating on me over this any day 🤣

I’ll hit 1 month sober soon and I’m proud of myself for that , it’s the longest I’ve gone in a while but so many life challenges lately has really put a damper on things. My partner and I keep fighting. I am constantly reminded about the mean things I’ve said and done while drinking. I want her to be able to express her hurt and frustrations to me about how my actions affected her and the impact I had but hearing it very frequently is a hard thing to sit with. I have profound shame and self hatred about myself. I already struggle with mental health issues so this doesn’t make things any easier. If I’m being honest it’s been causing me to have thoughts of suicide. I’m reaching out to a crisis support line to talk to someone but I just feel so sad and alone and just needed a space where I can express my true feelings/thoughts.

Anyone notice that with the more vivid emotions comes more feistiness with certain people? Probably not a great thing. I just feel way more emotionally raw and because I’m not drinking I trust my feelings more but I worry that the boundary-setting is pushing people away… and isn’t connection what recovery is all about?

Confused.

I quit drinking on September 2, 2025. I’ve now been sober for a full year, and, honestly, all I’ve discovered is that I have some very serious mental health issues that I had been masking with drugs and alcohol.
I struggle with severe anxiety and mild depression. My new thing seems to be eating—I constantly want to eat. I’m assuming it’s my body’s way of trying to replace the fix it used to get from drugs and alcohol. I’ve also noticed that I spend money compulsively and obsess over my hobbies, sometimes spending money I don’t even have.
I feel like everything is boring now. I genuinely want to get into fitness, but I feel like I’m the laziest piece of shit I know. I want to get help, but I don’t even know where to start.
I also have severe brain fog almost all the time, and I feel like my life is genuinely worse now than it was when I was drinking. At least when I was drinking, I had fun—until the fights broke out, or until the following morning when I’d wake up feeling even worse.
I know sobriety is supposed to make your life better, but right now I’m struggling to see that. I don’t want to go back to drinking, but I also don’t want to keep feeling like this. I really want to find some kind of help and figure out how to actually enjoy my life again. Sorry for the rant.

drunk right now as i type this but i dumped the rest of my alcohol out. i feel absolutely terrible and it feels like my entire body is on fire because i am so ashamed and upset with myself. i made it a week, then got 3 tall boys at the grocery store for absolutely no reason. i drank 2. i feel like i have no self control and no willpower, and i just want to give up. i feel physically and emotionally sick and i can't stop crying. i don't know how to tell my boyfriend that i already failed because he'll be so disappointed in me and even though he's incredibly supportive i have only ever showed him that i have no willpower and am lazy. i just feel so stupid. anything will help i feel so alone

I’m still newly sober, just over a year. And if I only knew how much better life would be, I wouldn’t have wasted 10 miserable years fucking drinking.

That’s all really. I’m so annoyed that I didn’t give myself the patience. I didn’t give myself the kindness you have to have for yourself in the beginning days.

The company I was keeping wasn’t reflecting who I was. My mirrors in my home were covered with blankets. My house was unkempt and I fucking hated myself.

I had to buck up. I had so many people doubting me that eventually the last time I picked myself up- I made sure I was standing firmly in my own corner. The whispers from my so called friends “she won’t make it” and doubts from family that were well deserved.

I’m sober, a year sober now. But not before my dad died. I was on a binge when I got that horrible phone call. I was so hungover driving myself to the hospital. Knowing my dad was laying there unconscious and I was thinking of grabbing a fucking bottle before I made it to the hospital.

That’s where I was at. My dad was dying. And I wanted to grab a bottle.

A year now. I’m so so sorry dad. I’m so so so sorry. Please everyone buck up and stop fucking drinking. It will RUIN these huge life experiences. Life happens. Being drunk during my father’s death is something I don’t want anyone to go through themselves. If you have time- whatever that reason is to get sober- DO
IT. Life doesn’t wait around.

I’m sober now. And I’m processing all the heart break I have caused others. And the deep heartbreak I caused myself by compromising my values. Everyday for 10 years I compromised EVERYTHING for that drink.

To who’s ever reading, if it’s your early days- I’m so PROUD of you. And no matter how MISERABLE you feel right now- it gets better. I’m proof. There is an innate sense of peace waiting for you if you continue to be patient. IWNDWYT

I have gone from day 23 to day 1. I am writing this for my people who slip. I am not ashamed of myself. I am more proud of myself. I see people (including my past self) say “I’m at day 1…AGAIN!😞” I refuse to do that to myself. I am at day 1 again and I am truly proud to be continuing my sobriety journey. If I’m honest, the version of drinking I missed, isn’t even my reality anymore. I love being sober. I love the clearheadedness, I love the clear skin, I love how proud I am of myself, I love being present. I miss it more than I missed drinking. I’m so glad to get back to it, not in a “This will be easy now.” way, but in a “I refuse to allow a setback or self pity destroy my progress.” kind of way. I am so proud of you all for being here. It takes REAL courage. Whether day 1 or day 1000 I am glad you are here, trying your best 🩵

A little about me. I started drinking heavily around 3 years ago. It was getting to the point of severe anxiety and feeling pain in my liver among other bad life choices. Got worse earlier this year with my new job where I’m alone a lot, and everyone in the company seems to drink to cope. Finally cut it out when I went into the hospital for maybe appendicitis. The doctor actually said my liver was fine after an MRI but still I didn’t want to be in a situation like that again. So I quit in March but had a sort of relapse with CBD drinks in May that led to actual alcohol.

Recently relapsed last week on a trip to Puerto Rico as I was so curious what 1 Medala tasted like. The stress of the job had also gotten to me since I had worked about 120 hours. Which led to trying out a ton of bars and the Bacardi distillery and by the weekend I was a complete wreck. I tried easing off on the weekend but I was barely getting any sleep, the anxiety was eating me alive when it started wearing off. Heart palpitations and sweating. Trouble getting around. I’m honestly wondering if I was going through severe alcohol withdraw and not just a really bad hangover. Feeling a bit more normal now but it’s my 2nd night with out a drink and still feeling kinda shitty.

All in all I don’t want to keep up this lifestyle. Feeling this weak and frail this weekend reminded me why it’s such a poison. Also a reminder that these habits are still present and even though I was good for a few months I have a lot longer to go. Some of the benefits I saw without it was starting to run again, planning for the future a bit more. If there’s any good communities I could join it might help, part of drinking has made me really anxious to post or message anyone. I went through this weekend without talking to anyone.