My Eggs Tried to Murder Me

[u/Shot-Wrongdoer-5436]

I still have no idea how I actually survived this.

So, I live in an apartment with a gas stove. I’m renting the place. I put some eggs on to boil, turned on the gas, and walked back to my laptop for literally two seconds.

I sit down, open YouTube, thinking about what video I’m gonna eat to. And suddenly I hear this insanely loud PSSSSSSSSSSSSSS from the kitchen.

I’m like, what the fuck is happening?

I run into the kitchen and half of it is already on fire. Literally two seconds ago I was sitting at my laptop deciding what to watch while I ate.

I look over and the gas valve on the gas pipe had blown out, and gas was shooting out of the pipe under pressure directly into the flames. So this wasn’t just a kitchen fire. I had a fucking flamethrower in my kitchen.

But apparently the kitchen wasn’t done trying to kill me.

Right next to it was the electrical part of the stove, which was still powered, and it was shooting sparks all over the fucking kitchen.

Gas. Fire. Electricity. All at the same time.

At that point I just needed to find the fourth element and summon the final boss.

Somehow I make my way through the fire and shut off the gas valve from the other side. There were two valves on the pipe. Because apparently even the gas pipe knew one attempt at killing me wouldn’t be enough.

Then I run to the electrical panel and shut off all the power.

I come back to the kitchen and everything is still on fire. I start putting out the flames and somehow manage to get everything under control in about ten seconds.

Then I’m sitting there in complete darkness thinking, well, fuck. I survived. I had literally just escaped the home edition of Final Destination.

I call the landlord and tell him there’s been a fire, I shut off the gas and killed the electricity.

The landlord comes over and asks what happened. I tell him I don’t know, probably something with the electricity.

And he goes, well, turn it back on.

And me, being the most trusting fucking idiot alive, turn the power back on.

THE KITCHEN CATCHES FIRE AGAIN.

Just immediately. No pause. No warning. Just fucking replay.

At this point I’m imagining some tiny dispatcher living inside my kitchen going, okay, he turned the electricity back on. Begin phase two.

This time we both start putting out the fire.

Later we find out that somehow the gas stove had sent electrical current into the gas pipe. At the point where the gas pipe connected to the stove, the gas valve had become electrically charged, which caused it to blow out, and pressurized gas started shooting directly into the kitchen.

And then I realized one more absolutely horrifying detail.

When I was making my way through the fire during those first few seconds and reaching for the gas valve, I could have simply touched the gas pipe.

And that entire pipe had been electrically live the whole time.

So I could literally have been electrocuted to death at the exact moment I was trying to save the apartment.

And I didn’t even know I was potentially touching something that could kill me.

I was just thinking, I’ll shut off the gas.

And the gas pipe was basically thinking, I’ll shut off you.

And the most absurd part is that all of this started because of eggs.

I wasn’t fixing any wiring. I wasn’t messing with the gas system. I wasn’t doing anything dangerous.

I just put some eggs on to boil.

Eggs.

The safest food in the world as far as I’m concerned from that day on.

This entire fucking disaster probably lasted about ten seconds. In ten seconds I managed to witness a fire, gas shooting everywhere, electrical sparks, shut off the gas, kill the electricity, put out the fire, and then set the kitchen on fire again because the landlord told me to turn the power back on.

I honestly don’t even know how to describe it.

I went to boil some eggs. I came back with the kind of experience people usually get after surviving an explosion at an oil refinery.

And now, when I think back on the whole thing, what gets me the most isn’t even the fact that I could have died.

It’s the fact that if I hadn’t survived, my final thought before death would have been, fuck. The eggs never even finished cooking.

[u/Nice-Oven8461]

So rather than get an electrician in the landlord decides to put the electric back on again himself- or rather he gets you to do it 🤦‍♀️Glad you’re still here to tell the tale though 😅

[u/wrenchbenderornot]

Well written - cool story - asshole landlord!! I don’t know if this makes you feel any better but out of all this, grabbing or touching the pipe and being exposed to the 120v or less wouldn’t have actually been that dangerous. 240v from an electrical stove and it’s all over.

[u/WatashiwaNobodyDesu]

Imagine dying by electrocution during a fire. Thats some CSI:Vegas type of nonsense. I can imagine everybody from the Coroner/State Pathologist, to the priest and then the gravedigger, all rolling their eyes in turn. “That  u/Shot-Wrongdoer-5436…. Absolute cinema.”

[u/qglrfcay]

Why I like electric stoves. Electricity can be dangerous, but it isn’t under pressure.

[u/Renuwed]

Massive props on the quick thinking. So many disasters could've been prevented had the victims taken a breath and taken immediate action.

The fire is gonna haunt you for years, I won't sugar coat it. Of all the horrible things that happened in my life, the house fire takes first place.

Write some poems about it, draw some pictures.. put it out in the world as often as you need so that it won't just be trapped in a mind prison, haunting you.

With your quick rational mind, have you ever thought of a job in the 911 call center? 🫠

[u/SATerp]

Fucking eggs, man.

[u/7GrenciaMars]

See, I've hated eggs for years, and now I have another reason for doing so. 🤣

[u/No_Pilot_9103]

Are you sure you're not a cartoon? Like, would you be able to tell the difference?

[u/camarcuson]

At least you didn't go out like Jack Cassidy.

[u/MikeDene5253]

Mom & neighbor lady out at the street sirens. Lady says to Mom wonder where the fire is. My Mom said, my oven. My Mom. Had a unique childhood. I fear house fires. I wonder…You made it long but broke up so easy to read, funny, but scary too. One thing after another

[u/kraggleGurl]

"Congratulations- you have survived Final Destination the Home Edition!" Go buy a lottery ticket!

[u/Huge-Kangaroo-5024]

Great fiction keep writing

[u/Shot-Wrongdoer-5436 → u/Huge-Kangaroo-5024]

Funny how people call things fake just because they’re stranger than their own experiences

[u/Ansible90]

I know this is shoulda woulda coulda, but you should have called the fire department to check it out, and the gas company to turn off the gas to the stove.