r/sex • u/Opposite_Web3848 • Feb 02 '25
I can't find a flair that fits Boyfriend puts really weird objects up his butt. At what point should I be concerned?
My boyfriend has recently become curious with, well, putting different objects up his butt. At first he started experimenting with just his fingers, which was ok, he was very open about it and seemed genuinely interested in making his sexual experience better. I also encouraged him to get to know himself better. But then, the objects he put up there startes becoming more and more weird.
Some of his creations are:
cucumber/carrot that he puts a condom on
he specifically bought a slim and long TV remote (???), wrapped it in toilet paper so the shape resembles a dick, also put a condom on it
...toothpaste tube, also in a condom and wrapped with paper (he said the sensation is cool because he can feel the toothpaste move inside??)
he put a fuzzy sock on a hairbrush handle, condom on top
Now, I am not shaming him. I bought him 3 different shaped and sized dildos so he can use something safer but he refuses to use them, he hasn't even unpacked them. When I ask him why he just changes the subject. Is that normal??? The objects keep getting weirder and weirder and I am definitely not sure how to feel about it. At least he's very careful and uses lube. We are both in our mid 20s. What do I even do? Do I just let him go crazy with the DYI? š
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u/TheThrivingest Feb 02 '25
Sooo I work in the OR and the number of rectal foreign objects we have to retrieve every year is.. alarming.
Tell him that not only is the colon very long, the rectum forms a vacuum quite easily and will suck up an object easily if it is not tethered to the outside world via flared base or leash.
If he doesnāt want the entire emergency department, operating room, and care unit to know his business, he needs appropriate anal toys.
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u/Disastrous-Capybara Feb 02 '25
He will now make sure to strap a leash to his weird paper wrapped condom objects before he shoves them up his butt.
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u/LevJewel Feb 02 '25
I donāt know why but I thought about my surfboard. Would kitchen paper be enough?
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u/Disastrous-Capybara Feb 02 '25
As long as you use a really big condom, it could work.
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Feb 03 '25
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u/CreampieLuver1 Feb 03 '25
All contributions here need to be constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful. Your post/comment falls short of that basic standard and has been removed accordingly. Repeat offenders or egregious violations of this rule are subject to being banned from the sub.
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u/designatedthrowawayy Feb 02 '25
What is the weirdest foreign object removed if you don't mind me asking?
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u/Sapphires13 Feb 02 '25
Not the person youāre asking, but last year my favorite I saw was a 10 cm round glass paperweight. The ER couldnāt get it out (too smooth to grab) so the man had to have surgery.
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u/taversham Feb 02 '25
This is probably a stupid question, but what does the surgery to resolve something like that actually involve? Like, is it going in through the abdominal wall to fish it out, or do they widen the anus with a scalpel, or just pump loads of water in from the other end and use the pressure to fire it out?
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u/bitemarkedbuttplug Feb 02 '25
The answer to that depends very much on what the object is and how far in it is. ED RN here, once had the dubious pleasure of having a gentleman come in with a yellow squash up there that he did go to the OR for, but once he was under anesthesia they were able to reach in and grab it. They were prepared to do more if necessary, but will usually try to get it out without cutting if they can.
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u/circuit_breaker Feb 02 '25 edited Feb 03 '25
reach in
Thank you for your service
Edit: well, that's a unique username
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u/chemicalgeekery Feb 02 '25
I once asked a nurse I knew how her day was and that's how I learned what the term "manual disimpaction" meant
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u/bitemarkedbuttplug Feb 02 '25
Apparently one of the easiest retrievals the colo-rectal surgeon had ever done.
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u/TheThrivingest Feb 03 '25
Sometimes a general anesthetic alone is enough. Once they push a paralytic, if it hasnāt gone too far, the pelvic floor relaxes and it can slide out.
Sometimes they use a rectal retractor and an instrument to try to get it
Sometimes itās gone too far and we have to go in through the abdomen (laparotomy) and resect it out of the bowel
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u/WickedDog310 Feb 03 '25
Crazy thought, but instead of cutting open the bowel, can the bowel be squeezed so the object eventually just comes out the ass and they don't have to worry about infection as much?
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u/everythingstakenFUCK Feb 03 '25
SO is a trauma surgeon who has done her share of these - under anesthesia sometimes they have an easier time getting a grip on whatever it is and then pulling, but most of the time if the patient makes it to the OR they go in all the way through the belly and cut open the colon. Then the patient gets to poop in a bag for a few months :)
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u/MrsHBear Feb 02 '25
Spray foam. Like- the chemical spray foamā¦ apparently the patient wrapped it in cellophane- the foam expands- which I see the appeal of- however the chemicals caused bowel adhesions and necrosis and then hardened- pt needed multiple surgeries
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u/Left_Composer_1403 Feb 03 '25
Iāve done ER nursing (and psych) for a very long time- And your post wins. I cannot imagine there will ever be a worse idea than the spray foam. (and I was at an ER in San Francisco in the 90ās)
Thank you. Thank you very much š±
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u/2garinz Feb 03 '25
chemicals caused bowel adhesions and necrosis and then hardened- pt needed multiple surgeries
Okay, that explains why russians love to use it as a torture method against POWs
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u/richblackmen Feb 03 '25
Thatās interesting, Iāve never heard of that before. What do they do with it?
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u/2garinz Feb 03 '25
Same thing the foam patient did, but with the goal of causing internal injuries, or making prior ones worse. But that's on the tamer side, if you could call it that. Truly cartel-level shit in some documented cases of their POW treatment.
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u/Left_Composer_1403 Feb 03 '25
Maybe not the weirdest- But definitely the worst idea ever, A 100w light bulb. (we know it was 100w bc the surgeon was kind enough to come tell us after removal)
Not the weirdest- but the most amusing was a fleet of hot wheel cars. (we were able to retrieve without surgery. And no- they were not returned to the patient who kept saying how mad his little brother would be when he noticed the cars missing)
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u/bloodseto Feb 03 '25
This is the strangest I've ever read about... https://www.businessinsider.com/france-man-had-wwi-shell-lodged-in-rectum-bomb-squad-called-by-hospital-2022-12
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u/WhyYouKickMyDog Feb 02 '25
Do they ever lie to the Radtechs about having something in their bum? Like I can imagine them denying it to their grave until you actually show them the xray and how obvious it will be.
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u/ergaster8213 Feb 03 '25
They absolutely do. And of course once it can't be denied they'll often say they fell on it.
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u/TheThrivingest Feb 03 '25
They allllll fell on it
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u/ergaster8213 Feb 03 '25
Listen. We've all been there. Sometimes you wake up with your asshole on vacuum mode.
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u/FailsWithTails Feb 03 '25
Lost a bullet vibe before, back when I was inexperienced. I was familiar with the general curvature of my large intestine though, and could faintly feel the vibration against my belly. I was fortunately able to massage it out with circular motions on my belly.
I learned very quickly the rules of backdoor adventures.
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u/Sleeping_Donk3y Feb 03 '25
Op could buy him some proper dildos to support the fun ;) or better yet, go to a shop together and pick items he likes.
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u/IndependentLeading47 Feb 03 '25
Reminds me of going to space. Stay tethered or go all Gravity on that hairbrush.
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u/IAMN0TSTEVE Feb 03 '25
I was a vendor for the ER and saw these instances more than I care to admit
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u/OutsideSheepHerder52 Feb 02 '25
The emergency room staff are going to love this when he comes in.
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u/ElysianForestWitch Feb 02 '25
x-ray showing a fabergƩ egg wrapped in toilet paper and a condom
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Feb 02 '25
I can hear it now. Honestly, I was walking along then slipped and fell on it.
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u/cjtrevor Feb 02 '25
Ah the old Eifel Tower disease. . . āI fell doctor, I fellā
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u/TheSunniestOne Feb 02 '25
Someone tried to put the Eiffel Tower up their butt??!!
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u/MutedWillingness1800 Feb 02 '25
Worked in an emergency room while going to school and a guy and his lover came in and one had Barbieās stuck inside their buts and the other was upset because he was the one who stuffed it too far in the other guy .
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u/TheSunniestOne Feb 02 '25
That does not sound like it would be a pleasant feeling, even stuck the appropriate amount.
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u/flojo2012 Feb 02 '25
I fell (like I fell on it and it went up my butt) = Eiffel if you say it out loud kind of
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u/Lumentin Feb 02 '25
There was a post not long ago about matrioska dolls!
Found it! https://www.reddit.com/r/medizzy/comments/1iebidp/a_66yearold_man_accidentally_fell_on_a_matryoshka/
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u/DiepSleep Feb 03 '25
Worked in the ER for a long time and saw a lot. Things up a butt were not rare but always grabbed attention from staff
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u/invisibletraveler2 Feb 02 '25
You passed the concerned exit miles ago. Either you intervene or start buying increasingly weird shit and grab some popcorn.
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Feb 02 '25
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u/thegreatbambie87 Feb 02 '25
Don't forget the sock he puts the popcorn in first to ensure a popcorn shaped cock
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u/CoinneachOdhar Feb 03 '25
I donāt know what one would do with a popcorn shaped cockā¦. Probably just be disappointedā¦.. Cock shaped popcorn on the other hand, a person could probably make use of!
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u/27cloud Feb 03 '25
And so if OP were to try to get his anal popcorn, sheād only get the sock!
(Old Reddit joke)
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u/WhyYouKickMyDog Feb 02 '25
Maybe he is doing weird objects and not anal toys because his brain doesn't want to accuse itself of being gay.
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u/IdahoMan58 Feb 02 '25
All of those cylinder shape objects with no flared base will easily slip completely inside, often requiring an ER visit to be extracted. He should never put items in his ass that don't have some type of flared base to prevent this. Don't let him be a dumb ass so to speak.
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Feb 03 '25
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u/IdahoMan58 Feb 03 '25
Just look online at stores like LoveHoney, Adam & Eve, etc. You'll see plenty of items designed for anal play.
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u/af628 Feb 02 '25
Honestly, I would have a serious conversation with him and emphasize how dangerous it is to put objects up your butt that werenāt specifically designed to go up your butt. Can you ask him why it has to be foreign objects and not sex toys? I mean, I guess the good news is that ER staff regularly see things like this so it hopefully wonāt be too awkward for him when he has to go.
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u/scalyblue Feb 02 '25
See if you can get him an anal toy that isnāt fashioned to resemble a human penis, he may be reluctant to use phallic toys because itās ātoo gayā but enjoys the stimulation too much, as long as he can say itās not ātoo gayā
Without a doubt what heās doing right now is āgo to the erā levels of dangerous and heās been lucky so far
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u/cantuccihq Feb 03 '25
Yeah this sounds like a case of āIām not gayā gone wrong. You could get him an njoy wand, that doesnāt look like a penis and is the choice of many aficionados.
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u/butneveragain Feb 03 '25
This is exactly what I was thinking. He doesn't want to put a "dick" in his butt
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Feb 02 '25
Let him keep doing what hes doing until he winds up in the embarassing situation of getting a toothpaste filled condom out of his rectum. Sometimes children just need to learn by getting in trouble.
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Feb 02 '25
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u/infinitelytwisted Feb 02 '25
Assuming straight dude that is uncomfortable discussing unusual aspects of sex openly, since he kept dodging the question... Might be as simple as "thats a dildo, its meant to be like a penis, if i were to use that it means im gay" as opposed to just using random shit he finds since thaie could be justified as just trying things or whatever.
Its dumb, but that kind of logic is still pretty common. As is they stupid kneejerk "ew this is gay" reaction among certain people.
Maybe try getting toys that are designed for the same purpose but can be passed off as something thats not a dildo.
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u/CoinneachOdhar Feb 03 '25
Donāt sit him down too hard otherwise he may require a hospital visit!!!
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u/PenelopeLePeu Feb 02 '25
Iām sure he would enjoy you pegging him. He will most likely end up in the er with a non sex toy stuck. There are toys designed for butt play.
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u/WhyYouKickMyDog Feb 02 '25
OP should definitely consider this as a win/win option. There is a chance he may just prefer the weird objects, but this is an opportunity to try and coax him out of that comfort zone. Perhaps both of you can make it into something more productive.
A lot of guys are probably scared to explore this so it is definitely something to handle delicately, but spice and variety in your sex life is what keeps the bedroom interesting.
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u/LucyPrisms Feb 02 '25
The rectum is a vacuum and only things with flared bases should go inside. It's all fun and games until you are with him at the ER looking at the X-ray of a remote in a condom up his ass
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u/Radiant-Television39 Feb 02 '25
If the enjoyment comes from the strangeness of the objects and not just the sensations he gets from the objects, thatās a certain kind of kink. Heās going to end up in the ER and OR.
It sounds like youāve been supportive of exploration and warned him of dangers. What more can you do? If it bothers you, you really only have a couple choices: ignore or leave.
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u/reluctantdonkey Feb 02 '25
I had an ex like this. He was a "children's toys" kind of guy, though.
Though he might not have followed pristine sex toy guidelines, he was educated enough to know how not to end up the poster child of What We Got Stuck In Our Rectums This Year (https://defector.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year-5).
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u/No_Stay_1563 Feb 02 '25
When you inevitably have to take him to the ER, just drop him off so you donāt have to be associated with him.
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u/demonqueerxo Feb 02 '25
He really needs to stop putting non-flared base items up his bum. Itās literally a vacuum. I donāt know if youāre in the states or not, but surgery to remove an item is probably pretty expensive for him.
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u/OutsideSheepHerder52 Feb 02 '25
Can he change channels with the remote in there? That would be impressive.
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u/blinddruid Feb 02 '25
I forgot, and also wanted to point out, that there are so many non-phallic shaped dildos out there that one could even leave out on display and no one would think itās necessarily a dildo. So maybe something uniquely shaped that isnāt reminiscent of the local well hung mail would be more to his liking.
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u/hexr Feb 02 '25
"That non-phallic coffee table dildo really ties the living room decor together!"
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u/blinddruid Feb 03 '25
just so long as it doesnāt clash with the pillows on the couchā¦ Ha ha ha ha ha
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u/veganexceptfordicks Feb 02 '25
So, he prefers nontraditional objects for insertion. Good to know -- cheaper than dildos, for sure. He's using condoms and lube. Fantastic!
* Is he cleaning the objects thoroughly afterwards?
* HEAVENS TO MURGATROID, THERE'S NOT A FLARED BASE IN SIGHT!
It's awesome that he's enjoying his prostate and his butt-al area, and that he's comfortable enough to share that with you! That's huge! But, dude really needs to be concerned about safety.
He doesn't just have an awkward trip to the ED in his future. This is emergency surgery because of an object that crept too far up and in to be removed beside, with a potentially perforated bowel from the pointy corners of a toothpaste tube.
Please push him into using safer objects. There are sex toys shaped like nontraditional insertable objects. Maybe that's a good compromise?
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u/ExtensiveCuriosity Feb 02 '25
Thereās a degree to which this is a problem that will solve itself given the time.
What he is doing is incredibly unsafe. Hooray for using a condom, I guess, but the fact is it is only a matter of time before something breaks and tears his asshole up or gets sucked in.
Youāve done what you can do. All that is remaining is to practice saying āI told you so, you moronā while displaying your chosen amount of compassion or empathy.
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u/TinyLittlePanda Feb 02 '25
I'm sorry, OP, i did not get if you were a boy or a girl - everyone seems to assume you're a girl for some reason.
However, what your bf is doing is really dangerous. As many say, he could end up in the ER, or worse. Internal bleeding is no joke.
Send him a few horror stories from the ER to make him come to his senses : fingers are OK, d*cks are OK, dildos are more than ok because they are actually made for this. Anything else will send him to the ER at some point - or to the grave if he's unlucky.
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u/FX114 Feb 02 '25
The assumption is that OP is a girl because the post would be pretty different if they were gay men.Ā
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u/dynamobb Feb 02 '25
Seems unlikely a gay man would find prostate stimulation so strange or be oblivious to the risks
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u/sizzlinsunshine Feb 02 '25
This is a bad idea. You should consider your boyfriend to be a person with poor judgement. What other thoughtless things will he do and you will be left cleaning up the messā¦ poor or perhaps extremely fitting choice of words. Come on sis
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u/littlestgoldfish Feb 02 '25
Sounds like he's the person who has to learn that flared bases matter the hard way, so I'd ask yourself now if you'll be okay driving him to the ER with a miscellaneous not safe object in a very unfortunate place halfway up his colon
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u/Pale_Lavishness_6661 Feb 02 '25
We love Friday morning specials in the operating room. If he happens to get something stuck, cuz itās not meant to go in the rectum, bring him by. Weāll all be more than happy to help him get it out :)
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u/letheix Feb 02 '25
You should definitely be concerned, as others have stated but it bears repeating. There's no amount of "carefulness" that can make this safe.
My guess is from a sensory and/or conceptual standpoint, actual sex toys don't satisfy his kink. Like in his case, I think this is more of a foreign object fetish than simply enjoying anal play since he's completely rejected the dildos you bought him. Perhaps (very stupidly) the risk is what appeals to him. Another possibility is if he gets a thrill out of your shock and worry. After all, he must have some reason why he keeps telling you what he's put up there despite your discomfort.
The only compromise, per se, I can think of are unconventional, taboo-ish kinds of anal toys that fit more in the "foreign object" category than "normal pseudo-penis" category. Stuff like anal beads, stylized butt plugs, dildos that are designed to be chilled, dildos modelled on fantasy creatures, etc. Surely some company out there manufactures doll-shaped dildos, food-shaped dildos, and so on. Bro needs to turn off his horny monkey brain and use his imagination like a responsible human being.
Between the riskiness of the act itself and his refusal to communicate, this would be a be a deal breaker for me unless he shapes up fast. The way he's going, it's only a matter of time before he gets something stuck. An embarrassing trip to the E.R. is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is he perforates his bowel and dies of blood loss, sepsis, or surgical complications. Some people are joking around in the comments, but it's really a serious danger. I couldn't sit by watching a partner exercise such poor judgement and be so negligent with his health. To my mind, it isn't much different from watching somebody ruin their life with drugs or gambling, just faster consequences when another bad decision inevitably tips the scales.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
It's a kink. That's why he doesn't care about the dildos.
You're not his mother, not your job to stop him.
How YOU feel about it IS up to you. You don't have to accept every kink, that's entirely your boundary. You can simply ask him not to tell you, not involve you.
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u/ocicataco Feb 02 '25
I'm pretty sure she's more worried about him hurting himself, which is a valid concern.
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u/jugalator Feb 02 '25
It's perfectly normal and even normally encouraged to care for your partner's health, and even attempt to intervene if something seems alarming. She should recommend toys designed for anal use.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
She bought him dildos, he "refuses" and "changes the subject" when asked.
She intervened. He refuses. As a grown adult, he's aware of what he is doing.
What would you prefer she do? Have a final strong conversation with him expressing the safety concerns? Sure
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u/ColonelKasteen Feb 02 '25
What would you prefer she do? Have a final strong conversation with him expressing the safety concerns? Sure
You're so convinced there is NO more information or productive angles to tackle these talks with yet you've also just read the same brief post everyone else did.
Yes, he's an adult. Yes, many adults actually do still sometimes need several attempts at convincing them of the seriousness of a subject, especially one that's sensitive like a new sexual interest. OP doesnt even tell us they've had several talks about the safety and physical realities of this, just that he avoids answering why he doesn't use the dildos. Come off it.
OP, to answer you I'd try buying him an anal toy that is as non-phallic as possible. Plenty of dudes who like butt play and don't think they have any kind of hang-ups about it being gay still hesitate if the stuff they use is a little too close to a dick.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
He uses a cucumber but is concerned a dildo is too phallic? Really?
Genuinely, how many serious conversations does an adult need to "convince them of the seriousness of a subject"? Especially when an obviously safe alternative has already been purchased FOR them?
Why are we insisting on women having to have "several" serious conversations with a grown man to "convince" him of the safety of his own self-created, self-indulged kink? It's ridiculous. She's not his mother.
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u/Woogoat Feb 02 '25
Thatās great if itās not dangerous, this is. As a person that cares for him she should be trying to move him into safer play.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
She's tried. She bought him dildos, he "refuses".
He's a grown-man in his mid-20's. This is not on her at all.
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u/Woogoat Feb 02 '25
And now sheās reaching out for help. Sure let him go to the ER is a solution, just a horrible one.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
What would you prefer she does? Have a strong conversation about safety concerns? Sure!
He won't even engage in a conversation about why he won't use the safe alternative, but sure, go for it. Certainly preferable
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u/calm-spaghetti Feb 02 '25
"let him go to the ER" I'm sorry, but what? This is another grown human adult we are talking about. This person is not in charge of his well-being
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u/dynamobb Feb 02 '25
You shouldnāt even research online if you think your partner is unwittingly doing something dangerous?
I donāt understand the hyper-individualism I see more online, or at least the degree of it. If your family never is strung out and wonāt get helpā¦ok, I understand you can only do so much.
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u/6352956104 Feb 02 '25
unwittingly? He doesn't know there's a risk to putting objects up his arse as a grown man?
HE chose to create this kink. OP has offered safe alternatives. No hyper-individualism here, just people wanting women to act as mothers and care-takers to grown men even when it comes to their self-created and indulged sexual kinks.
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u/calm-spaghetti Feb 02 '25
I didn't say they shouldn't research. I just think it's crazy that other people are supposed to be in charge of someone else's actions. My sister started doing drugs when I was 12 and I am the person who took care of her so I am not without compassion, I am just resentful of the idea that anyone can "let" some one else hurt their own selves.
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u/MrsHBear Feb 02 '25
Highly suggest flanged toys onlyā¦. as an er nurse Iāve seen some things. I always try to educate my patients that they make safe toys for that area.
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u/MrsHBear Feb 02 '25
And in response to the question I think itās a normal ish kink. I have had past partners interested in me guessing household objects they put in me.
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u/TheMightyMisanthrope Feb 02 '25
When cracked.com was huge for me I read an article about a guy that had to walk like 5 miles with a dildo soldered to a piece of metal up his ass to an hospital. All I can say is: this won't end well and the X Rays will be hilarious.
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u/flojo2012 Feb 02 '25
The fact that you approved of some of these and not others might be part of the attraction. Iām not sure. But it is dangerous not to use tethered objects.
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u/Environmental_Rub256 Feb 02 '25
He should be using something with a flared base as the rectum will take an object and he will need to have that professionally removed. Aka coming to an ER near you soon.
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u/FlareGER Feb 02 '25
Very simple
"Is the object purely designed to be inserted up your anus?"
If yes: good
If no: be concerned
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u/Ghoztt Feb 02 '25
Ask him why is it that if God didn't want gay men then why did he put the G-spot up your boyfriend's asshole.
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u/adventurousaudrey Feb 03 '25
If you want to save him. Offer a helping hand. HAND your hand. You can reach in and squeeze his prostate for him. Then pull your hand out and punch him in the asshole. Guys like to be punched in the asshole. Well guy who put hair brushes in there like it. I hear.
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u/Little_Orenda Feb 03 '25
From a psychological perspective, if he has any sort of aversion or shame around butt play, using an actual toy that heavily resembles a penis could be messing with his psyche. So by using foreign objects he avoids having a complex about it?
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u/girlikecupcake Feb 03 '25
Flared base and ideally meant for the butt, but at least body safe. Be concerned at anything that isn't body safe and that doesn't have a flared base. He's begging for an ER visit. You can't control his behavior, but you can at least share your concerns for his safety in a non-charged non-sexual private environment. What he does with your concern and safety information is ultimately up to him, and what you do about his unsafe behavior if it continues is up to you.
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u/MagicalMehari Feb 03 '25
Are the toys that you bought him more realistically penis shaped? Because it could be a misconception by him that, if it's more instantly recognizable as a penis then it would make him gay/bi.
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u/224157 Feb 03 '25
It's awesome that you're being so supportive of his exploration, going as far as to get him appropriate toys. The weirdness of the objects he's choosing isn't the issue. It's fine if he's not interested in dildos (though it's a little odd that he just changes the subject when you ask him about it - I'd probably press that a little more if I were in your position), but he could at least choose things that have a flared base or tether. As plenty of other people here have said, he's going to wind up in the ER sooner or later if he keeps choosing objects that don't have a way to prevent them from getting sucked all the way up inside. If he isn't already aware of the risks, kindly let him know. If he persists anyway, he is willfully choosing to accept the possibility of an ER visit, possible surgery, and all the other potential complications that can happen when you get a foreign object lodged in your rectum. Maybe the risk is the appeal for him, and that's why he won't use the dildos. Or maybe he has some kind of hang-up about purpose-made sex toys, which isn't triggered by household objects.
Whatever the reason for his risky choices, it's not shaming him to place reasonable limits around your support. If I were in your position, I'd let him know that I fully support him exploring and taking his own risks, but I won't be taking him to the ER if he gets something stuck up there as a result of knowingly choosing objects that are not safe for anal play, so he'll have to take responsibility for that himself if (when) it happens.
Side note: aboslutely dying at the fact that this is tagged "I can't find a flair (flare) that fits"
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u/throwawaybciwantto Feb 03 '25
I feel like there's a lot to unpack as to why he won't use a dildo or a butt plug
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u/randomgrrl700 Feb 03 '25
Hah. The other comments have covered it all, but I'm going to add: buy a nice big speculum so you can take a crack at removing a lost carrot before having to seek medical help. And suggest he tries female condoms on his toys; the outer ring might make it just a little harder to get things lost.
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u/Fluffy-Grapefruit-66 Feb 03 '25
Can someone put that TikTok first responders username in this thread so she can show her boyfriend? The TikTok user is badge502
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u/Itorres89 Feb 03 '25
I am not into butt stuff (no judgments), but I happen to be a dude of the male gender.
I have a question: Does your boyfriend identify as bisexual? If not, he may be hesitant to use the dildos you bought him because they might look like dicks or, at least in his mind, are meant to be a stand in for a dick and he "just isn't into that." Maybe he uses the 'weird stuff' because it's not a dick and could not, in anyone's mind, be mistaken for a dick.
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u/styx_s Feb 03 '25
Get him a nice bottom high end glass dildo as a Valentine's gift... I think he'll love it. Instead of looking at how weird it looks perhaps embrace his exploration in a safe manner and I think it won't be weird for both of you.
I think the fact you are waiting to see how weird it gets, he might try something even weirder hiding behind doors...
In the end, is his butthole not yours. The fact that he's willing to tell you about that is very telling... Like a cry for recognition etc...
Just a thought...
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u/haddonist Feb 03 '25
Deadspin have an annual "What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?" post. Equally amusing and alarming reading.
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u/MaddiepaddyLambert Feb 03 '25
I wonder if hes against a dildo because he doesnāt like the idea of a dick? Maybe he can try anal beads since they arent phallically shaped
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u/phenominal73 Feb 03 '25
Seems the concern might need to be when something goes up but will not come out.
Items with a flared base should be used to prevent things from becoming irreversibly (only removable with a trip to the ER) lodged.
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u/Tman158 Feb 03 '25
get him into Bad Dragon toys or something? Toothpaste tubes are sharp and could cause injury.
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u/Chocolatelover4ever Feb 03 '25
Youād be shocked (or maybe not surprised.) By just how many men have to go to the ER because of this very reason. Tell him he could end up paying a ridiculous amount of money going to the ER for something so avoidable. I remember seeing one story about a guy who stuck a shot glass up there and it shattered. Itās more common than you think for men to stick all sorts of stuff up there. But sooner or later he could very well use the wrong thing, and end up in an embarrassing ER trip.
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u/_Lady_M Feb 03 '25
It honestly bugs me when people say they used a tooth brush or a cucumber instead of just buying a dildo. Like wtf.
I would talk to him about whether he want to try an actual penis before he goes behind your back. If you're cool with it, you can find someone who is bi and do it together.
.... I am just assuming that he thinks wrapping these things in toilet paper.. making them softer and more malleable makes them feel more like a penis..... OR he has an aversion to using a dildo because of the stigma of using dick like items (as a staright male)... but still, I would think he may want to try the real deal.
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u/superiorstephanie Feb 03 '25
Not just that, but I would be concerned that something like a toothpaste tube could possibly injure him like a cut or a scratch. Itās not exactly a sterile environment we have going on there.
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u/AScaryKitty Feb 03 '25
Dude is gonna end up in the hospital. Buy a dildo! So much cheaper and safer! Let me guess. His rationale is āitās not gay if itās not actually shaped like a dick!ā
Leave this guy or be prepared for some very awkward ER visits!
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u/ManicMondayMaestro Feb 03 '25
He must have a fetish for doctors removing things from his rectum. Cuz thatās how this story inevitably ends. There is no āvery careful and uses lube.ā Careful means using appropriate sex toys with a flared base. The path heās choosing will be a trip to the emergency department. With a long, uncomfortable, and embarrassing wait.
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u/Dismal_Reference3906 Feb 03 '25
I have never seen a cucumber nor a carrot with a base or flange to keep it from going all the way in and disappearing, or string like a tampon to pull it out. So soon or later you will be driving him to the ER to have a "vegelectomy".
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u/Kanduriel Feb 03 '25
Perhaps his problem is that he doesnāt want anything in his rear that resembles a penis.
Try a tentacle dildo perhaps? Or something else thatās not realistic but still shaped.
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u/ScreentimeNOR Feb 03 '25
He's open trying out new things, but quickly shuts down when it comes to dildos?
It seems to me he's experiencing homophobic shame about anal play. Like he thinks it's not gay if it doesn't look like a penis.
A ridiculous notion. But it is concerning though since the absolute worst case scenario of what he's doing is internal bleeding and death.
Better to be safe and gay, than straight and passed away.
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u/Katalinya Feb 03 '25
Get that man a dragon dildo or something for creative anal objects for the love of god.
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u/RussetRiver Feb 03 '25
Sit him down and remind him: You can buy proper toys. Youāre an adult.
And yes there are āweirdā and safe toys that may fit into his fetish. But safety comes first.
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u/Glittering_Act_4059 Feb 04 '25
Someone send him Badge502 tiktoks. He's quite good at describing the many and varied ways the objects he puts up there will damage him.
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u/WildBeing1584 Feb 04 '25
He thinks the dildos are gay. Internalized homophobia. I used to be the same way.
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u/misconceptions_annoy Feb 04 '25
Ask him if he wants to explain to ER staff that heās there because something is up his butt.
And this stuff is no joke. He could need serious abdominal surgery. On top of the very real danger and health problems he could get, he would need to explain it to other people. Can you imagine any scenario where someone needs serious surgery and their concerned family and friends donāt ask about it?
Unless he wants to explain to his mom that he needs serious abdominal surgery because of something he put up his butt, he needs to use a flared base.
On top of all that, if it really damages the intestines (ex. If he gets an infection), or if certain complications happen during the surgery, he could need a colostomy bag for the rest of his life.
The vagina isnāt that long. A dildo that gets āstuckā really canāt go very far. When a woman goes to the ER because she canāt get a tampon out, a nurse or doctor can always retrieve it through the vagina.
The intestines are very, very long. There is a long distance an object can go. And if itās too far in to get out through the anus, then heāll need surgery.
āCanāt poopā can sound funny, but being unable to poop has 100% fatality if it doesnāt get fixed. Within days or weeks, people with blocked intestines either get it unblocked, get lucky and it unblocks itself (very unlikely for an entire cucumber), or they die.
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u/TheLoneWandereeer Feb 02 '25
This is wild. Honestly, I think it might be a masculinity thing, like he's telling himself 'it's not gay so long ad I don't use an object built with anal play in mind.'
In which case, there's not much you can do, it's his personal journey and all that.
Though it might help him be less weird and let go of his hang ups if you were to affirm his masculinity and/or your attraction to him.
That way he'll feel safe around you and maybe realise there is an easier way to get what he's after.
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