r/queerception • u/confused_potato777 • 10h ago
People who have donated/received eggs (not carrying pregnancy) What was the arrangement?
I have eggs, plenty lol. I’d be open to do a cycle entirely for altruistic donation for a queer couple, however I cannot carry a pregnancy. So wonder what type of arrangement could be interesting for both parties.
More (skippable) context:
I may eventually want an anonymous sperm donor, but the idea is last on my list: I’d prefer to have a partner romantic or not to coparent, so the not-so-anonymous-donor is also on the table.
I’m giving it a few more tries finding a romantic partner and later just a co-parent partner, before calling it out and going the anonymous donor route. In the meantime I’m freezing eggs. I’m in the trans spectrum… I guess? But not on HRT. And hella fertile for my age! Just banked 15 eggs, and that’s where the idea came from.
So, any ideas or orientation on how other people has done this is welcome.
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u/Minnie_Dooley 6h ago
What is your age? You didn't mention. And that could affect whether you're able to donate.
If you're banking eggs for your own potential use, I'd advise you to have at least twice what you have now banked and really 30 is still not that many given how many might not survive the thaw or fertilise.
Then think about donating after you have enough for yourself.
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u/runlikeagirl89 9h ago edited 9h ago
I haven't done this exactly, but given you may not get many responses, I have donated gametes in exchange for gametes, in a private arrangement. Specifically: donated eggs to a gay couple, who split the batch to fertilize with sperm from each of them; carried a pregnancy for them (transferred an embryo from each of them, only 1 took, so singleton pregnancy); then later received 2 embryos and sperm from each of them. Our arrangement was entirely personal and in good faith on the part of me receiving anything donated back. Once I donated the eggs, the resulting embryos were theirs (legally speaking), and when they donated 2 to me (nearly 2 years later), it was of their own volition and in good faith of the verbal agreement we had made at the outset.
All that to say--it can be done, but nothing guarantees any sort of exchange where you donate eggs and someone agrees to be a surrogate or donate sperm (not sure which you are after, per your question) in return.
All of this would also be limited both by state laws and the clinic policies where you reside/receive treatment, which is something else to consider. You and any other parties would need individual legal representation who specifically knows and understands state legislation around reproductive rights, which is highly specialized. It would ultimately be a fairly costly endeavor. While in my case we were all friends and went into our arrangement very willingly, with everything following according to plan (mostly) during the time of fertility treatments/through me receiving embryos and sperm after, it was more costly than they likely would have paid for a hired surrogate and donor eggs, and certainly more costly and risky than a sperm bank on my end.
Happy to answer any questions via DM--again, this may or may not be helpful for exactly the specifics you gave but figure it might be hard to find others with similar experience either way.
Edited to add -- Congrats on the successful retrieval. While it's good you learned you have healthy eggs, eggs do not equal embryos. The "embryo hunger games" are a real thing and unfortunately 15 eggs could mean 10 healthy embryos, or could mean 0 (in 3 egg retrieval cycles, I had 1 go from 15 eggs to 14 fertilized to 3 day 5, and all 3 were anuploid---so 0 viable embryos for that round). Freezing and thawing eggs to fertilize them add one more variable to an already fragile process, and can lower the count of viable embryos from the batch further. This isn't to be rude, but instead to forewarn you not to count your eggs quite literally before they hatch (as blastocysts), and plan for additional retrievals now if you think you may need them for the size of family you desire. Freezing embryos is slightly lower risk (of loss), if you already know the sperm you will use, or can plan for that during retrievals. Sharing this to be helpful, not to make any assumptions or judgments!