r/preppers • u/maik92727 • 3d ago
Advice and Tips Don't forget to live your life
Over the past few years, I have built up a considerable amount of preps, dual diesel generators, 15 kWp of solar with battery storage, a reverse osmosis system with additional UV filtration, and enough food for my family for two years.
I even have a fully equipped fallout shelter in the coal cellar of an old school that I rented, fitted with a Swiss NBC filtration system. Two Geiger counters inside and a third one outside, connected to a computer in the shelter. Dosimeters for everyone.
But the one thing I wasn't prepared for was realizing that the worst day of my life wouldn't be something a shelter could protect me from.
I spent so much time maintaining all of this that I didn't notice my daughter's symptoms developing. We took her to all the required medical checkups, but I keep thinking that I could have read between the lines and realized that something wasn't right.
Nele passed away on February 23, 2026.
My wife left me three months later.
My fortress is empty now.
I've just sold my last generator and donated most of my food supplies.
What I'm trying to say is, be prepared, but enjoy your life while you still can. I can't stop thinking about how much time I spent on all of this, time I could have spent with her.
And thank you, HazmatsMan, for being such a great help with the plans for my fallout shelter a few years ago.
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u/EfficientBroccoli640 3d ago
Hey Maik, my deepest condolences. I'm heartbroken. 😔🖤
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u/maik92727 2d ago
Thank you
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u/EfficientBroccoli640 2d ago
If you want to share some memories or you need someone to talk to feel free. You are not alone! :)
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u/Fit_Tumbleweed7943 1d ago
Deepest condolences maik, I have been prepping for years, and my wife got to the point where she said that I am going to miss the years we have left with our kids if I don’t find a balance.
I have found a balance. She is happy I have us prepared for natural disasters or worse, but said she would leave me if I went to far with my obsession
Friends have told me to, control what we can, live and enjoy each year like it could be the last before crazy times ..
Thank you for the kind words.
I cannot imagine losing a kid that would wreck me. Which I why animal instinct tells me to prepare to keep them alive. But need to LIVE in the present, with them to make it work it
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u/EmployerOwn5551 3d ago
I’m so sorry that happened. There truly are no words. Parents are not meant to lose their children. There is nothing natural about it. We are supposed to go before our children biologically. And on a spiritual level, I can’t find a way to rationalize a parent experiencing the death of a child. The parent is supposed to go first. Time is the one resource no one can stock up on.
Preparing for an emergency is a proactive way to show love to the people we value. Unfairly, there is no way to stockpile time with them. I can’t speak to how you spent your time, I wasn’t there, but from what you’ve shared here, you managed what was in your control. You couldn’t have seen the future. You didn’t know what would come.
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u/Particular-Try5584 Urban Middle Class WASP prepping 3d ago
Maik… I’m sorry, I have no words, simply this… in our language, in most languages, we have words and languages around when you lose a parent (orphan), or lose a spouse (widow/er), but the loss of a child is so incomprehensible there isn’t a word for it… there is no ‘name’ for the person who has lost their child, because we do not want to face it. No one does, there is no language for this in most (all?) languages.
Your dismay, despair, chasm of loss has no name.
But you have a name, Maik. Tell their stories, in your mind is their stories, their laughter, their joy. Share those, that they may still live.
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u/IMCopernicus 3d ago
You are so correct about a word describing a parent whom has lost a child. Or a person who has lost a sibling.
When asked about how many siblings I have, I say a sister. I don’t mention my brother who passed because I don’t want to make the person asking feel bad or worst ask how (because we are young). It stings every time I omit him. I just never know how to answer that question.
I can’t imagine being asked about how many children I have and having to explain.•
u/maik92727 2d ago
Thank you for your kind words. I try to keep going and keep her memory alive. I'm happy that this post has reached so many people and maybe serves as a reminder for everyone else
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u/Alexorozco72 3d ago
The blatant irony of foreseeing surrounding tragedy and preparing for it, yet being unable to notice it unfolding that close. One surely is a small boat among ocean tides. Control is something we paddle towards, mostly because deep down we fear how insignificant our efforts really amount to.
My condolences on your loss.
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u/maik92727 2d ago
That's exactly the part that keeps me awake. I was monitoring the situation in the world, but didn't realize shtf was happening right beside me
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u/IMCopernicus 3d ago
There are no words that will confort you at this moment. Just take all the time you need and try to heal from this double heartbreak you’ve experienced. From human to human big hug and know we are all going to be thinking about you. Reach out to us anytime Maik.
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u/tgrahamcm 2d ago
Condolences. I can relate. I have been a prepper most of my life and have a ton of related supplies and food. My wife now has Alzheimers and our future is challenging enough that I don't think I have the energy or interest to go through a SHTF or TEOTWAWKI. And, in pondering the limits on future activities, I have started un-prepping and trying to liquidate things so our daughter won't have to deal with all of this when we check out. What did you do with your food?
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u/maik92727 2d ago
I gave away all my canned goods and everything factory packed that's still within the "best before" date to local food pantries for homeless people and people in need. I also had tons of stuff in mylar bags and buckets. Beans, wheat berries, rice. I gave that to local families in need. All the best to you and your wife, im sorry.
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u/tgrahamcm 2d ago
Thank you. I purchased a "1 year for two people" package plus several extras from Be Preppared about 11 years ago and it has been stored in less than 70* so should have 14 years left. I'll check with the local food banks to see if they can use it. How about ammo? Do you have any thoughts on liquidating a bunch of that without contributing to gang wars?
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u/PrairieFire_withwind 1d ago
Is there a local shooting club? Or new hunters group. Can you donate to them? Something that gets youth into hunting or trap shoots?
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u/BallsOutKrunked Bring it on, but next week please. 3d ago edited 2d ago
That's terrible man. The only good thing for me about dying is that I can outlive my kids. Obviously hoping to push out all those dates as far as possible.
We built an offgrid ranch together as a family and while there were some brutally tough days, arguments, and setbacks, all in we managed to really spend a ton of time together doing it all. I just mean to say that prepping and time with the family needn't be at odds.
One of my kids does a better job taking care of the chickens than I do.
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u/Mainegurl143 2d ago
Oh my heart, I am so so very sorry , there are no words I can say to help with losing your child just let you know your not alone I buried my son it doesn’t get easier but as you progress there is a before and after. I am even sorrier your spouse left, it was so very brave and kind of you to share your skills and equipment. We all pray we will
Never need it, but please don’t give up on life while you’re here. We are all here for a short time, please go on adventures and bring her with you in your to all the things you wanted to show her. Please know again your not alone some days are hard there a groups for just moms and just dads that have helped me immensely. Please take good care of yourself, give yourself time and grace for healing .
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u/maik92727 2d ago
Thank you for the kind words. I try to move on with live and keep her memory alive. Don't worry about me, I will get through this. I just wanted to reach back out to this group, and maybe serve as a warning not to take this whole prepping too far.
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u/Chaos_Goblin_7007 2d ago
Maik I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to describe the pain and guilt a parent feels. I humbly suggest a therapist to help with processing your feelings. It does help some. When you are stronger find ways to honor your child’s memory. Mine is bird feeders to feed the blue jays (as that was my son’s favorite bird).
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u/maik92727 2d ago
That's a great idea, thank you. Her favorite flowers were daisies. I will try to plant some in my garden and the neighborhood:) im sorry for your loss too.
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u/FreeReason 3d ago
Thanks for sharing ... I'm so sorry for all of your loss. I hope you are able to find peace and live your life too.
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u/BirdLooter 2d ago
damn some ppl really loose touch with reality in this prepper death spiral.
thanks for the reminder!
god bless you sir, may you meet your daughter in heaven 🙏🏼
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u/maik92727 2d ago
The thing is I had the money to do it. And it was fun. I always told myself I'm doing it for her, to keep her safe. But in the end, I was still just as powerless and unprepared as anyone else. Thank you.
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u/Femveratu 2d ago
A sobering and useful message, I am so sorry for your losses. It is every parent’s worst nightmare.
It sounds like you are an incredibly useful resource, especially for the flood of new folks turning to this area for comfort and hope, so I do hope that you will be able to still look in on us here occasionally at some point, altho I certainly can understand if it’s just too much.
Take care, I will be praying for you.
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u/Virtual-Student8099 2d ago
I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I wish I could give you a big hug.
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u/TacticalMrBean 2d ago
My heart truly bleeds for your loss, brother. My wife left years ago, and I recently lost my last (furry) child that I had spent the last 13 years building my life around. Grieve, try to find a purpose, try to unf*ck yourself, and push forward as best you can. It's what she would have wanted you to do. Much love. 💔
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u/maik92727 2d ago
Im sorry for your loss too man. Lost my 12yo dog last year, I know it hurts a lot. I'll try my best, best wishes to you as well.
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u/randymcatee 3d ago
I recently sold one of my "***prepper***" properties. It's 4.5 acres on the grid with power, septic, and well, but in a very rural area above the snowline. It was all set up so I could park a trailer on it if the SHTF. It was nice to know it was there. Now the buyer's down payment if paying for the remodeling of our kitchen my wife has wanted for quite some time, and the carryback note is providing a nice bit of income.
I purchased it ~ 24 years ago and it was nice to know it was there but as time went on I realized I really liked life in the city and being a block from the grocery store and a few blocks from the farmer's market - because I love to cook. TBH, my wife wasn't happy about the purchase, at least at the time, but she's very satisfied with how it worked out long term.
I do have another "prepper" property - off grid - and substantially larger, but these days I rarely visit it.
So yeah - I too say live you life!
Oh, and we have 6 kids and 16 grandkids, many of them in close proximity to us, so it's not like we want to run off/away from them.
***prepper*** - I dont consider myself a prepper per say, but I have often given consideration to what we might do if the S does HTF one day. I'm of the mind that people try to prepare for the worst case scenario only to find the worse case scenario is something they never would have imagined.
Also - I think its good and right to trust in the Lord.
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u/Wise-Painting5841 3d ago
Sorry for your loss. Life is a bitch. Keep it up. Like salmons, we shall keep swimming even against the current.
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2d ago
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u/iambecomesoil 2d ago
Preparing for tomorrow, and missing out on Life Today... That's the story of religion and capitalism.....
This was neither. Instead, it is the all too common story of fanaticism found on this subreddit.
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u/Prestigious_Try_5396 2d ago
Doesn't matter the reason. ALiving more in tomorrow than the Now, we can only miss out on what's right in front of us.
We get so focused on what's Over There, What we're looking for, That we step over and miss what's right at our feet, waiting for us...
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u/jonn2820 1d ago
Thank's for sharing this experience. Not much can i say but i am truly helped for your experience of this. May be well for everything to you.
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u/Lotusbud25 Bring it on 3d ago
Maik, please live your life too. You sold off your stuff. Hang on Maik, hang on.