From May until early August I practiced like crazy. I want to go to a conservatory when I graduate (currently going into grade 11), so id been working really hard to progress. It was going great. I started at rcm 6. By late July my teacher thought I was ready for rcm 8. Im doing the rcm 7 test in January instead because I havent taken the exams before so she thinks it'll be less intimidating, but im doing rcm 8 material on the side.
Around the end of August, my motivation has completely gone away. In like the last week there have been 2 days i havent practiced at all. I used to do up to 8 hours a day, now I do MAYBE an hour, but more often less.
As much as i should want to get back to practicing more, I honestly dont want to much. It felt like i was losing my mind the last few months. My world and life was just piano and classical music, so whenever I didnt feel good enough at playing or composing i felt absolutely awful. I would cry and berate myself, and the whole day would feel grey. And I felt like i was always being judged. Whenever I made a flaw, it felt like i was dishonouring the spirit of every classical composer. Really sucked, felt like i never got to be truly alone with my thoughts. Felt like living would be terrible forever.
Since ive been practicing less, I feel honestly great. Ive gotten into a new show (Hetalia 😅) and things feel brighter again. Im not so stressed about everything all the time, i actually feel mostly happy. Even if i havent made new friends since, I feel a lot less lonely.
But im feeling a bit guilty, because everyone was really proud of me. So i have to get back to practicing more, especially if im planning to go to a conservatory. But it sucks because I dont feel in the mood for playing piano. But theres no way around it, I have a lesson on Thursday. I was hoping to have 10 songs perfected since my last lesson in late July, but i only have 6.
Is there anything I can do to bring back my passion and get back to practicing more again? Thanks