My friend arranged a girls weekend for her bday in our town at a cabin. It was her, myself and 7 other friends of hers (most of whom I had never met). On the third day I woke up very early and seeing no one else awake, with hours to go till the next activity, rang my husband to ask if he wanted to grab a morning coffee. I got back, showered, worked out and had a second cup before anyone else even woke up.

I couldn't imagine that it would be such an issue that I had left for an hour at 6am. I mentioned it during the day when asked why I was up so early and no one said a thing.

My friend got drunk that night and started yelling at me about this in front of the group of strangers. She spent a good 20 mins yelling at me in front of girls I barely knew until I was crying and and asking her to please at least let us go somewhere private.

We went to the bedroom and I acknowledged her hurt, apologised for having left when it was "girls weekend. no boys allowed" and tried to calm her down. This led to hours of my friend intermittendly yelling at me, berating me, and crying. This went on for HOURS. With her cycling between yelling, crying and making sarcastic comments.

Another friend had apparently told her (ages prior) to also discuss iasues in our friendship with me because she said she had been feeling bad for neglecting our friendship.

She has and I was honest with her about it. She hasn't put ANY effort in the last few years so it has been hard to be the only one reaching out.

She eventually told me that the reason she's been avoiding me for the last few years and not making time for me, is because she doesn't enjoy me. She finds my surprise to be "needy" and "demanding".

I did not know what to make of this and asked how I could adjust but was told it wasn't a behaviour or anything I did - just who I was as a person.

She did not have a clear resolve, and admitted she would continue to feel this way and likely avoid my company due to it - first time I'd never heard this from her - she suggested it was just that my vibes(?) but maybe I could work on it.

She also said that she is far more critical of me and expects much more from me than she would others and she knows that it isn't right but it's also how she feels.

I suggested maybe we should take a break from our friendship if that was the case and she cried and started yelling again, telling me that she need to know that I'll always be there through anything and that I was essentially a bad friend for not being willing to take it. She told me she had many other friends she neglected and they waited or pushed her more for attention.

(There was an instance she brought up critiquing my behaviour on a single occasion - if anyone wants to know I'll add it in the comments but this post is getting long)

I'm happy I managed to stay calm and keep my tone non-confrontational throughout, but WTH man.

It’s pretty long, but if at least one person would read i and respond, I’d highly appreciate it.

For context, we fell out because she cancelled my birthday twice last minute with pretty bad excuses. I admittedly overreacted, but made a huge apology to her which she herself said was sincere and big. in fact I’ve taken accountability multiple times and she never did once. But I was just constantly pushed away with no reasoning or closure.

Last time we spoke properly was April, she said she didn't want to get into depth over things and ghosted me. I popped back up in August, to say I was sorry and I missed her, but got nothing back.

My questions are, is it embarrassing to send this, and is it also unfair to block her without giving a chance to respond? I just feel like I need to block and move on now, but I can’t do it without getting everything off my chest first and explaining why.

Updated below!

I’m honestly at a loss about what to do and how this will end up, I just need to share to know I’m not alone in this.

Myself (32F) and my best friend since childhood (31F) (I’ll call her “Jane” for this post) haven’t had any problems, we grew up on the same street, our families are friends, and she agreed to be in my wedding party for next year, but she’s suddenly gone no contact and blocked me on everything.

We haven’t lived in the same city for many years of our lives, I’ve never moved away but she has multiple times for school, work, etc. we always maintained contact and our friendship, we have travelled across the country many times over the years to see one another.

3 weeks ago, she left me a voicemail asking me to call her. I texted back saying I was with friends out of town for a couple of days, but asked if everything was okay. She said no worries and to call her when I got home in a few days. I said I would call her when I was on the road driving home. When I phoned her two days later, it went straight to voicemail. I’ve texted a few times since then, and as the weeks went by I was getting more concerned. I reached out again over text asking if you would please contact me and let me know that she was okay. No response again, so the next day I contacted one of her other long time friends to see if she had heard from “Jane”. This is when things get weird.

This friend said she was considering reaching out to me as well, because our friend “Jane” has recently gone no contact with the majority of her best friends, as well as her family. We started getting very concerned that she is either mentally unwell, or that her boyfriend is isolating her. Several of us have tried to reach out through text, calls, and social media, and all attempts have been left unanswered and most of us have now been completely blocked.

I tried to call and reach out to her boyfriend, and he would not respond, through text, phone, or socials. I told him over text that I would be calling the police, and he didn’t even reply to that. So, I called them and asked for a wellness check.

It’s been a few hours, and I’m waiting for the police to get back to me. In the meantime, “Jane’s” accounts have gone on to block many of my friends as well, and remove herself from any group chats we’ve ever shared - including inactive ones from several years ago.

All this to say - what do I do? What could have caused this? I’m in total shock and despair… I just wish I had answers.

Update: the police went to her home and she came to the door and said everything was fine.

I don’t understand what happened, I have no idea if this is her going through something, or him controlling her, or what. I’ve never seen her do this to someone, let alone to cut off every friend and family member she has. I am heartbroken and devastated, I wish I at least got to know why, or say I love her. She is a sister to me, not just a friend, and I’m devastated by this…

Więc.... Poznaliśmy się gdzieś przed wakacjami, mój dobry przyjaciel zaprosił mnie na grupę gdzie było kilka osób w tym pewna fajna dziewczyna, graliśmy praktycznie codziennie a z Natalką [ tak ją nazwijmy na potrzebę histori ] dogadywałem się naprawdę dobrze, i mimo szybkiej rozpady ekipy dalej rozmawialiśmy, graliśmy a nawet udało nam się spotkać, wydawało się że tak już zostanie ale po czasie wszystko zaczeło się zmieniać, poznała ona Damiania w którym się zakochała, wtedy też zaczeła mniej ze mną pisać, rozmawiać, i ogólnie spędzać we dwójkę czas, gdyby tego było mało moi super znajomi po znalezieniu jej konta odrazu zaczeli do niej pisać kłamiąc że ją obrażam, że ją kocham itp. [ oczywiście powiedziałem jej że to nieprawda ] sam już nw co powinienem zrobić, i czy to normalne, jest 1:00 a ja nw czy powinienem o tym z nią porozmawiać czy dać se spokój, dodam też że obaj chodzimy do szkoły przez co mamy mniej czasu na wszystko... Uważacie że powinienem z nią porozmawiać albo próbować częściej z nią pisać?

We've been friends since elementary school, whenever I'm around her, I'm always the best version of myself. We've made years worth of stories together, shared artworks, characters, and we were there for each other in every major event of our lives. You can't just form that type of bond and then not miss it. I don't know why she ghosted me. I knew she struggled a lot with her parents and her mental health. At the time, I didn't really know how to help her with that except be there and talk to her. I don't think I did anything wrong I just want to know why she stopped talking to me.

She's the reason why I'm happy. Every time I get a notification from her my day instantly gets better, she's the reason why I drew art, I loved sharing it with her. Now that we stopped talking I barely enjoy drawing or making art because there's no one to share it with. My life feels empty these days. I have other friends, yes, they are good friends but they're not her, they don't share the bond that we had and the complex world of characters we made. I used to be really extroverted back then but now when I make new friends I don't know why, but I don't feel like I even want to be close to them or form an actual bond.

I asked her other friends and contacted them about her when she ghosted me cause I wanted to know if anything happened but they told me she also hasn't talked to them so I guess she ghosted them too. I still don't know why she would do that, and this is the longest time she hasn't talked to me and it's almost been a year. She sometimes does this but she always comes back. I wonder if she's struggling with her mental health or her parents again but I hope she's okay. I really miss her. I feel hollow without her and I don't want to feel that way over someone who ghosted me but I can't help it.

Sometimes I try to distract that empty feeling by doing something I like, I try to chase that feeling of happiness and keep it but it alway fades away and then I panic because I know I'm getting depressed again and I don't want to feel like that ever again. Anyways, I just want her to come back, I wouldn't even be mad at her. I just want her to text me again. I think ghosting hurts the most because they leave you without any explanation :(

---

If anyone else experienced this how do you even move on from it? I know healing takes time but I don't think I will ever get over it. My friendships won't be the same anymore but at the same time I don't want to be a miserable person who won't let themself heal or grow because they're stuck in the past. Our shared stories and characters also won't feel the same anymore, we always discussed our character's lore and made art for it for years and even made a fandom wiki for it. That's what made our friendship so special and I can't have that with anyone else because it won't be the same.

​

(English isn't my first language, so please excuse any mistakes.)

Back in January, I was going through a rough patch. I was unemployed, feeling lonely, with my friends far away. I downloaded Discord and joined a bunch of random servers. It was in February that I met a girl.

Our connection was instant. On that first day, we talked for at least 4 hours straight. I'm 20, she was 18. I can't even begin to describe how incredible she was — kind, warm-hearted, genuinely the best girl I've ever talked to online. Every conversation we had was full of care and mutual respect. I never asked for a picture of her face — just random photos from her daily life. Even though our bond was strong, I knew we hadn't known each other long, and I didn't want to scare her off.

We spent about 4 months talking every single day. She told me things she'd never told anyone else, and I did the same. I've never had that much fun with a girl before. We lived in different states, but we spent entire holidays texting each other, and she'd always thank me afterward. She said I was the most amazing guy she'd ever met, and that she already had plans to spend Halloween with me. She always showed that she liked me just as much as I liked her.

In March, I started a new job and got worried I wouldn't have as much time for her. She told me: "Nothing's going to change. I have a busy schedule too, and I always make time for you — trust me." And I did trust her. Our frequency dropped a little, but nothing major — we still talked more on weekends, like always.

Now comes the painful part...

In May, I lost my main Discord account due to a misunderstanding with Discord itself. But I had a secondary account, so I reached out to her and explained what happened. She told me to try recovering my original account, saying it was easy. I tried, but couldn't get it back. Still, it wasn't a big deal — we still had my secondary account to talk through.

She seemed a bit busy around that time, but never cold — always the same warmth.

On May 9th, I sent her a message. She replied saying she was having a hectic day at work, and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine. A few hours later, I sent: "Aren't you going to say goodnight?" She never replied.

Two days later, I sent another message. Nothing.

I reached out to mutual friends, searched for her on Discord, turned over every stone. Nothing.

I remembered that, when I once brought up the possibility of us losing touch, she said: "You're being paranoid. Nothing's going to happen. And if it does, I'll find a way to track you down on the internet." I argued that the internet is huge, but she insisted she'd manage. Those words became my anchor.

The first month passed. Then the second, the third... now we're on the fourth.

I tried everything. I downloaded our entire chat history, searched for her on Instagram, TikTok, Pinterest (based on her interests), asked friends for help, dug through metadata — and came up with nothing.

I don't have any other social media of hers, only Discord. She once mentioned her parents are super protective and wouldn't approve of her talking to a "stranger" online. And I won't lie — our connection went beyond friendship.

Everyone tells me to give up and move on. I know — she's just a girl from the internet whose face I've never seen. But every time I reread our old conversations, I can feel the immense love she had for me. She always said it and showed it. And deep down, I know she wouldn't have done this without a reason.

Sorry for the long vent. Months of searching, and she never came back to that profile. I still hope to see her again, even though I consider the possibility of ghosting. Honestly, if she had told me she'd lost interest, I wouldn't have wasted my time. But the thing is, she always showed the opposite.

I decided to share this story to hear some advice, talk to people who might relate, and learn from similar experiences — I know many others have been through something like this.

Thanks for reading my story.

🐶💚😸

I am no therapist, but I can finally give what I went through a name.

In a healthy relationship, friendship has always been based on reciprocity, listening, and mutual support. Everyone makes mistakes, apologizes, and moves on—but in my story, that simply wasn't possible.

1. The Asymmetric Narrative (Victim vs. Villain)
I have always accepted the gray areas in people; to me, reality is nuanced. Maybe too much! In friendships, just like in life, people make massive mistakes. It depends on how severe they are, obviously. However, in this case, the conflict was total: my friend had a very rigid worldview. They were the loyal, always-present, happy one, while everyone else was "dysfunctional" or a chaos-creator. Their ego remained untouched despite having heavily negative traits, refusing to take advice or criticism, and constantly belittling me "to make me stronger."

2. Caregiver Burnout
I’ve never been the type to see my friends every single day, except back in school. Slowly but surely, this friend started demanding more and more closeness and support. I felt completely drained from trying to be there—dealing with hours-long phone calls and making grand gestures of affection at the expense of my own time and feelings (and I definitely messed up here by not being honest sooner). The moment I asked for some space because I objectively couldn't keep up due to work and my personal life, I received zero empathy. Instead, it was my fault for making them feel bad about the fact that I couldn't always be around. The focus was always on their wounds and their pride.

3. Control Through the "Stage"
Even though the friendship was supposed to be between the two of us, people from their social circle were gradually brought in, while mine never were (despite meeting my other friends, they simply ignored them). They wanted to put on a massive show on social media, hosting grand parties and events. When it came to my life milestones, though, they couldn't care less about showing up.

4. Emotional Blackmail
The end of the relationship came when I finally refused to just be a prop for their public facade. I admitted that I couldn't fake it anymore and asked for genuine honesty. That’s when the blackmail started: I had to do exactly what they said, or the friendship was over. And that is exactly what happened.

For me, breaking off this relationship was an act of SELF-PRESERVATION.
When a friendship stops being a safe space and turns into a courtroom where you are permanently on trial, distance and silence become the only possible answers to protect your mental health and prioritize what truly matters in your life.

That’s it, that’s the whole post. And I know for a fact she doesn’t care. She hates me, she probably mocks me when she does think about me. And still I care and think about her everyday. Fml

i had a friend group. this week, ive suddenly been having so many dreams of us being together again. some are dreams of reconciling and being friends again, while some are like as if we never stopped being friends in the first place

im confused because i was cut off over a year ago already, and ive already gone through the process of grieving to accepting it. id have these dreams occasionally back then but they werent as frequent as now. before, id get them maybe only once every 2-4 months, but now ive had about 3 this week

theyre usually not of the entire friend group but more like only one friend. i would talk to her as if we never stopped being friends

the one i just had today was us reconciling, her wanting to bring me back but i kept saying that i dont think ill be accepted back into their circle

i dont want this to take it as a sign to actually reconcile irl, i know fully well that i dont belong there anymore and that i have no reason to be coming back, especially because i was the reason why i was cut off in the first place (for being a bitch) so these dreams make me so confused and sad

Hello strangers on Reddit. I just find this subreddit and want to get this out of my chest.

About 2 years back I stop contacting the person who was my friend for the longest, there was even a Time when I consideres him my best friend.

The reason? In hindsight, maybe was long overdue, but the reason that made me want to distance myself and finally cut contact was this: Around 6 months before the last time we saw and talk to each other, my wife had a miscarriage and we were so fucking devastated. A group of friends gathered(they are still gathering) at this dude's house once a month to play games and have drinks and food. The day She lost the baby I sent message to family and close friends. There was this group chat of those friends, some send words of empathy or condolences. Some didnt say anything, including him. Fast forward to this last reunion I attended. Again, some people hugde me and my wife, asked us how we were, how my wife felt, how we were handling the situation. This guy? He welcomed us to his house, yes. But that was it. We were around 35 at that moment, we knew each other Since we were 16 to 17, we met in high school. And not a single word about the situation. Maybe he didnt want to talk about It in front of The others? Weird, but It was His house, if he wanted to talk to me only The both us to say something, he could had done It. As far as I remember, he didnt even acknowledged the miscarriage. He has some crass, dark and acid humor, as I do. But his humor always dangle on the edge of being Straight up bullying. I was expecting some crude bad Joke, like "you can still bang your wife and try again", that would had show that he cared, but the silence and the indifference was the thing that broke what remain of that friendship.

I'm not looking for advice or anything like that. That group chat? Well, it's been dead silent for More than a year and I found out they Made another chat without me.

HeyReddit,

Anyways this is going to be a long one. Throw away cause some moots follow my reddit and might find this and changed names for anonymity.

I (20) need an outside perspective on a situation from awhile back with my online friend group. Please also keep in mind this is just my perspective and I am probably biased.

For context, I’ve had a pretty overwhelming year. I’m currently balancing my university projects, heavy family stresses and the loss of my Grandma who I was quite close to. Last year I joined an International gaming fan sever centred around a popular gaming series there are about 16 of us but the people who are important to this story and who I was or am closest to are. Dan (19M) and the main reason I am making this, Gabby (19F), Celia (18F) and Sam (20M.)

I first got close to Celia but after a particularly stressful game night with the group about a month after we all met I ended up on call with Dan and we spoke for a long time. Honestly I had never opened myself up to anyone as fast as I did with him in that call. I got close to Gabby when I started hanging out with Dan and since I was close with Celia we formed our own little group with our own chat and hang outs etc away from the wider server.

Things were ok for a while but cracks began to show.

There were underlying emotional dynamics in the group that Dan was aware of. Earlier in the year, Celia, Gabby, and I all ended up confessing feelings for Dan at different points. He turned us down due to distance, which we all respected, and we agreed to keep things private to save the group dynamic though that didn't last long.

Our group dynamic shifted due to a fight between Celia, Gabby and Dan and then after it was resolved some what around April Fool's Day, Dan pulled a joke/prank on the server saying he was cutting contact with leaving the server to focus on IRL connections in 12 hours. I asked if I could still reach out to him via socials since we followed each other but he said he needed space which I respected and I said I supported him and his decision only to find out it was a prank. I was really upset by this and we got into a massive argument for a few days cause he didn't quite understand why I didn't just tell him I was upset over him leaving and why I was angry now. Lets just say it added an awkward layer to things, but I thought we had moved past it as he eventually understood that I was putting his needs and feelings above my own wants and by not voicing how I felt I was trying to be a good friend.

I started hanging out and bonding a lot more with Sam during all of this who was helping me improve at the game. He is a bit of a quiet recluse. He goes to every game night but he doesn't like to talk much.

Shortly after, when I naturally started spending more one-on-one time bonding with Sam, Dan came to me saying he was hurt and felt replaced by Sam as the server was always comparing them being the 2 best players and during a silly debate about them I said Team Sam all the way granted this was during the highly tense period after the April fools and it was one of my more petty moments which I apologised for when he told me it hurt him because I was one of the few people he trusted. I made it clear that both of them are great at different things and that he was my best friend and I loved him very much.

After that I thought everything was ok with Dan and I despite some of the tension and some distence. He was one of two people I confided in about my Grandma's health leading up to her death and he acted completely supportive and normal.

Fast forward to now: my birthday is coming up in few months. Dan being my best friend on the sever and also lives the closest to me (Different state same country.)so visiting requires a $400 flight. From the very beginning, I made it super clear to him that there was zero pressure to come if money or travel was tricky. He kept giving me "maybe/we'll see" answers, and I repeatedly assured him I’d completely understand if he couldn't make it.

Out of nowhere late at night, Dan texts me saying he can't make it. He said he didn't want to give me false hope, and then dropped this bomb

"It just doesn't feel like we're close friends anymore and I'm not sure about booking a $400 flight."

I was blindsided, but tried to stay calm I told him it was ok and that I respected his decision before asking him if I had done something to make him feel that way. At first, he say he didn't want talk about it anymore right then but then blamed my "overall demeanour," which felt super vague and hurtful. I replied asking what he meant. after a while of no response as he had been drinking apparently.

Dan sent a massive text wall admitting he’d been holding onto resentment for months. His main points

• He felt like I was never "rooting for him" during group video games and was always cheering for the other team.
• He felt heavily replaced in my life by Sam after the group dynamic shift. He acknowledged he has past personal issues with feeling replaceable, but admitted it’s been building up for months.
• He claimed he didn't bring it up earlier because my family emergency was happening and he wanted to "prioritize my mental wellbeing," but decided to lay it all out now.

He concluded by saying my "demeanour" is fine, but "not good for him mentally," and that he wants space, though he still considers us friends.

I was completely crushed. I had no idea he was harbouring all this bitterness while acting normal to my face, especially while I was leaning on him for support during a family crisis. I never intentionally left him out or replaced him. I spoke to him more than anyone else, trying to stay afloat through a hard year. I have fun with Sam but I don't have the type of emotional bond that I had with Dan. As for the rooting for him during game nights we were often on opposing teams and he liked to pick joke fights with me by teasing me which I would respond in kind.

I blamed myself so much and felt so awful for making who I saw as one of my best friends suffer by letting myself lean on him when he wanted distance not that I knew he wanted said distance but still.

It is hard cause I thought we had such a strong honest connection and could communicate anything to each other even if it is something negative that the other has done. While I felt he heart was in the right place by keeping his growing grievance with me to himself during when my grandma was sick I honestly would of rather he just told me at cause it hurt way more after leaning on him for months during late night phone calls in tears and early morning check ins thinking he was my best friend and that the distance had been a figment of my imagination.

A couple of people I've talked to think he handled this with total emotional immaturity dropping months of unsaid grievances over text while drunk, after I explicitly gave him an easy out weeks ago. My therapist suggested that he might said it to get my attention and to show I care which if so was a bad way to go about it as I will always support and put my friends and love ones needs and boundaries over my own silent wishes if the April fools fiasco showed anything.

I have made peace for the most part with it and kept my distance from him but small part of me feels guilty, wondering if I was dense for not noticing earlier or if I acted like like a jerk and didn't change my behaviour enough to make him feel secure in our friendship.

Anyways I just thought I would share this to get others perspectives and maybe learn more on what to do better next time. Sorry for the rant and if it doesn't all make sense. Thanks

I lost my best friend of 4 years last year and I am stuck. The situation itself is complicated ( its completely separate from this but it was happening at the same time and I felt like its the reason she cut off and I feel like I was the cause )but she was going through something scary and I had thought at the time I was there for her but I wasn’t at all, she was hurting and needed support and I should’ve been there for her more, and everything ended horribly and she cut off without saying why. All I hope for now is that shes doing amazing and thriving I know she is because shes the sweetest and strongest person I used to know, I always wish that I had apologized to her because she deserves an apology but i feel selfish because im scared too because I know she probably doesnt want to hear from me especially after so long and I don’t want to make it seem like its for selfish reasons and also fear that if i do it will bring the memories back that she definitely doesn’t want to remember. Although that leaves me in a place of uncertainty because in a way I feel like its selfish for me to move on because I hurt someone so deeply especially her, why should I move on. Furthermore I hate the phrase “ you should forgive yourself” in my context because I don’t, I don’t forgive myself and it feels like I am justifying and or not really accounting for my own actions.