"Ahh, it appears you're misstaken"

Because you’re supposed to eat three squared meals a day.

My wife delivered this one yesterday. I told her I don't want to hear any complaints about dad jokes for a long time now. It definitely belongs here.

So, she was pulling together a full on breakfast wish hash browns, biscuits, sausage, and eggs, turned to me and said two eggs for you, I assume? I said yes. She said, I think I'll be French today and have one.

I raised an eyebrow as I tried to puzzle it out and she came to my rescue with "because one egg is un œuf (enough)." Groans ensued, but I had to give her credit for that one.

She ran over concerned, looked into the bowl, and saw a giant letter "B" made of honey. The 6:00 AM eye-roll was glorious.

I thought I was going to get fired.

Instead I got a big raise.

They're the first responders

Punseidon

He's alright now

He didnt see that well

He said no. I told him it’s an uplifting experience. 😭

You get a woolly jumper.

Apparently this place didn't serve breakfast after 10:30.

And he was right!

I had to sell my car to pay the medical bill.

I had to go to food court.

I replied “Can’t be my dog as he doesn’t know how to ride a bike”.

Yep, he said, "Those were the 'Goodyears.'

I’m calling it WikiLeeks

A baked potato

Me: “Oh, once a pun a time…”

My son: “I see, so it has to be an old joke.”

until I saw that all they sold were Ice Cream Cones, Envelopes, Stamps and Puppies.

God knows

They don't want it to be a loan

It didn’t land all that well …

Purrple.

The wash up on the beach.