I miss my son more than anything.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

I’m a young mom with a 4 year old son. Me and his dad were together and I chose (joint decision) to join the military with the plan that they move with me.

Here we are 9 months later, me and my husband have split up so them moving here won’t be happening. My son stayed with him and his mom since that’s where he’s been since I left for bootcamp in January and I have no help in my new city.

I had this child every day of his life until I left to boot camp. This sweet boy has been my entire world since the second I found out I was pregnant(he was an accident, me and his dad were not together at the time. Somewhat related).

They came to visit me throughout the month of August. They went back home August 26th. I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again.

I feel so empty. I think about him all throughout the day, every day. I hate doing stuff because I see him there with me. I go to the beach and I see him asking to go play in the water. I go out to eat and see him sitting across from me. I go for a drive and I see him asking to hold my hand and calling my truck “mama’s monster truck”.

I hate being home. It feels so empty and I get so anxious. His clothes are gone. His toys aren’t all over the floor. His chocolate puff cereal isn’t in the cabinet anymore. He’s not following me around or there to say “mama look” and then give me a goofy smile until I smile back.

I feel empty. I cry on a daily basis. I regret ever joining the military. I joined because I was struggling to find stable work. I’ve never been financially stable my entire life. But if I knew this is how things would be, I would’ve chosen to stay in my struggling job a million times over being away from my baby. I hate myself for not being there with my baby. I feel like I ruined my life.

I miss my sweet boy so much and he’s always been such a mama’s boy. I hope that never changes.

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[u/indiana-floridian]

I would be scared of that too. And i know this wasn't the plan when you started. Hopefully the time will pass quickly for you and him. From what you describe maybe he's young enough that he really won't remember this?

I have a niece spent 4 years in Army, a few years back. Doing very well for herself now.

Thank you for your service!

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/indiana-floridian]

He’ll be 9 when I get out of active duty. I’m sure by then he’ll be remembering things

[u/indiana-floridian → u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

Oh yes, of course. I sympathize and hope you're able to get at least a little sleep.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/indiana-floridian]

I have to be up in about 5 hours to get ready for work 😪 but thank you for your kind words

[u/Ratbag321]

Keep your relationship with his Dad good, and don't get sour over anything - hopefully he'll continue to bring your son to you regularly or you'll be able to visit him.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/Ratbag321]

His dad is the one that makes a civil relationship hard. He sees me as this terrible person for not wanting to continue a relationship that I’m treated poorly in. I try so hard to keep an okay relationship since he’s the only communication I have with my son

[u/Ratbag321 → u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

Yikes, that's hard, and you are doing the only thing you can do. You'll get good skills and come out with better opportunities.

Can you get couples therapy and have a chance for him to understand your pov? Maybe something helpful could come of that? It can probably be done online.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/Ratbag321]

He does understand, he just doesn’t care and I’m done trying to make him

[u/Dull_Banana1377]

You deserve visitation and staff on your base can help you with that. Go talk to them.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/Dull_Banana1377]

Visitation is hard when they’re a 10 hour drive away, which is both out of our boundary and not cheap to travel.

[u/Dull_Banana1377 → u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

You made this whole vent post. I told you how to fix it and your response is to make excuses. Either fight to see your kid more often or dont I really could care less.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/Dull_Banana1377]

Then don’t comment..? You’re here trying to help people by being rude?

[u/Dull_Banana1377 → u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

I told you how to fix your situation. You replied with excuses. Money and distance really arent shit when it comes to seeing your kid.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/Dull_Banana1377]

If you know anything about the military, we’re given a radius/boundary that we are not allowed to leave. It’s not an excuse. I am legally not allowed to go that far away. And I also don’t shit money. I came here to vent. Not deal with assholes that think complicated situations they know very little about can be fixed with a simple solution. If it was as easy as “just go visit”, I’d be there every weekend.

[u/Dull_Banana1377 → u/Powerful_Cow_2590]

I understand how military boundaries work. That doesn't prevent baby daddy from driving to you. Get it court ordered so he can't say no

[u/indiana-floridian]

Trying to think positive for you. This is your chance to make a positive impact on your lives forever. You 100% will be able to support you and him when you return, and he will grow to respect what you have done as he learns to understand it. Look forward to a good future, with him.

[u/Powerful_Cow_2590 → u/indiana-floridian]

I try hard to remember that. I’m going to school now and getting benefits that will help us throughout our lives. It’s just so hard being away from him. I feel like I’m missing everything and I’m so scared that the distance makes him lose a connection to me over time

[u/lucybluesky]

I hope you can FaceTime with him several times a week so he can “see you.”
Stay civil with Dad, keep your eye on the big picture and take the high road on stuff.
Good news is you are setting yourself up for a more stable life. Try to lean into it now, so that you do well and it might ease your mind a bit. Best wishes.