For the past year I bought into every single productivity trend online. Wake up at 5:30 AM, drink mineral water with salt, get fifteen minutes of sunlight, meditate, take a cold shower, write three pages in a journal, and check off my habit tracker.

By the time I sat down at my desk to start my actual job at 8:00 AM, I was already drained.

the worst part was the mental guilt. If I woke up twenty minutes late or skipped the cold shower because I was freezing, I felt like a failure before the day even started. My entire mood depended on whether I checked off eight arbitrary boxes on an app. I turned waking up into an unpaid corporate onboarding process.

Last month I got sick of it and threw the whole routine away. Now my alarm goes off at 7:30 AM. I put on sweatpants, drink regular tap water, and open my laptop.

My work output did not drop at all, but my morning anxiety completely disappeared. I spent twelve months thinking I lacked discipline when in reality I was just EXHAUSTED from trying to live like a lab experiment before breakfast.

Why did we let the internet convince us that existing normally is a character flaw?

I have such a busy life that the only time I have to go to the gym is in the mornings, but I like to sleep a bit later than usual

Hey, folks. 23M here.

I was lifting today when it became a full-fledged, conscious idea. There is this lady I've been taking occasional peeks at in the last few days, so, like every normal dude who is seemingly interested in anything, I could just hit her up for her Instagram or something, right? Or make any movement at all.

But then, I started thinking too much, which happens to most people, I guess, except it wasn't a fear of failure... I was fearing success.

The pictures in my mind weren't about the humilliation of rejection or how she would crucify me in public for daring to speak to her. The real stuff concerning me is what would happen if she actually said "yes".

And it made me think real deeply, about my whole life up until that point.

I immediately began to worry about the time I would spend, about the step-up I would need to put in my game, if I could actually be interesting, actually be responsible, actually be present, or if I would just think of it all as a burden I wouldn't wanna put up with. All these questions bubbled up, about date conversations, places to go, how many times a week and for how many hours I would need to speak to her, what things to text or talk about, making time for us to be together, and all that.

I was not concerned with being rejected, though. Thoughts of the polite rejection she had a 99% chance of giving me actually brought some relief to all this mental activity.

In the end, I said nothing. I managed to convince myself of something I became aware of only now. I have this inner saying I used to justify this:

"Well, I already know what she's gonna say, so no need to actually hear it!"

Problem being? I didn't know, and that's why it scared me so much. I know it's just my ego trying to cope, so I don't have to feel so bad about not taking action.

I didn't really wanna leave my comfort zone. I wanted to continue admiring the possibility of having something with her and fantasizing about it, but I refused to actually bear the weight of getting it to happen.

It's fear. I fear not measuring up. I fear being incapable. I fear not being able to play out the foreseeable confidence of the way my mind guides things. I fear the pain of having to actually invest and be held responsible for the relationship.

I know the pain of rejection all too well, but I don't know the pain of the possibility of impending failure that comes after success. It made me a little more aware of my problems and the way I self-sabotage my own chances of success in life.

I always come up with that kind of excuse. I conveniently hide behind arbitrary stuff that just sounds logical enough to pass.

"Oh, but I'm not handsome or anything", but I'm not ugly either, and much uglier guys get to date somebody.

"Oh, but I don't have time". I do. I actually do. I have too much free time, in fact. People with less time than me are in happy, commited relationships.

"Oh, but if these dudes date, it means they must have something that I fundamentally lack", yeah, they have initiative and don't hide behind some fear.

"Oh, but my life is good as it is! It's comfy!" Tell yourself that, next time you cry yourself to sleep out of loneliness. Cope harder, Me.

I just feel horrible now. For 23 years, I've been my own worst enemy and the only person that's actually hampering my own success.

I tried to date someone before. Suddenly, it became clear why I fell for her; that woman couldn't care any less about me and I knew it, deep down. So, as things quickly went south between us, I chased and chased, just so I could pat myself on the back and say "see, I tried!"

Looking back, it's no surprise I was so oddly courageous about this one.

Her complete disregard of my person is what I fell for. For her, I was mere entertainment, little more than dirt. It was a losing game from the start and since nothing could actually happen between us, I was more invested than ever!

I fantasize about having this amazing connection with an amazing woman, but no doubt I would cower like a rat, should she actually show up in my life! It feels safer inside my head, because I can actually control every step.

Or maybe, I won't even see her coming, since my brain loves to fall for the impossible and the disregard! I don't feel a thing for women who treat me well or even normally, but I melt like butter for one that's simply out of reach or would rather act like I don't even exist.

Turns out I'm not Anxious-Preoccupied, as I previously thought; I'm a Fearful-Avoidant, and I don't know how to sit with stuff being "good"!

I tell myself I want to be seen and loved, but I can't handle the possibility that I might actually get the good stuff I dream so much about, because, when I get it... and then what? What now?

What lie am I gonna tell myself when all is good and I need a reason to make it feel bad, so I can feel it's right? In which ways am I gonna ruin my streak, just to feel like I was "correct" all along and I really am too defective or inferior to actually be happy in life?

How can I actually learn how to sustain the weight of the stuff I claim to want, but avoid?

I can no longer pretend and go back to a time in which I didn't know this. Now, every time I avoid a potentially good (or at least neutral) decision, this will show up in my mind and I'll beat myself up for it. I know how "Me" works.

TL;DR: I wanna be okay, but I fear what "okay" looks like and what it will demand of me. Any tips? (Other than the obvious "therapy" answer, please. Working on it.)

If you have a solution please tell me

Alright, this is a pep talk to those that want to upgrade their life…

Here it is, start being a king in your life.

Literally, just fucking start.

The craziest thing I’ve learned in my life so far, is that how we treat ourselves is how the world ends up treating us. It’s super bizarre, and it’s crazy that this is the way reality works. It’s like a very trippy video game.

If you want a life where people love you, (Who doesn’t) where they praise you, pay you more, look up to you, where people do the work for you while you rest up in your palace… your never going to have that by being a “nice guy”.

That’s the life of a king. But, you’ll never become a king unless you first start acting like a king.

The hardest thing in the world is deciding you want to be someone different. But the craziest thing in the world, is if you focus on what you want to be, you’ll become it.

So, before you dismiss this idea and scroll to some other idea on here, just ask yourself these questions and maybe make the decision that you do want to be a king: “how do I treat myself? Do I actually think I deserve a life of pleasure and happiness? Where are these thoughts coming from? Am I spending enough time everyday praising myself like a king would?

So many of us (myself included) somehow got hypnotized into believing we dont deserve of a life of a king. And as such, we never gave ourselves a fighting chance to ever become king.

Being a king is a state of mind.

Has nothing to do with how much money you have in your bank or what you own.

If you start acting like a king today, and stop being the guy who thinks less of himself …. Give it enough time, and soon, your entire life will change.

Take your throne back kings. 👑

P.s…. Being a king, doesn’t mean being a dick…. It means commanding yourself with such respect, love and honour; that the whole world starts treating you the same way

❤️🙏

Hi, as the title says, I'll soon spend four months alone. Here's a bit more context:

• I moved into a new city with my partner, who'll leave for four months.
• This new city is 800km away from where I lived before, where all my friends still are (so I don't have any friends here).
• I finished my studies two months ago and I don't have a job (also, not looking for a job; I'm focusing on personal projects).
• I don't have any friends here (yet again, not looking for friends, and am not looking for any advice on that field).

I want to set myself some goals for those four months (starting late October). A week ago, I already started to exercise (I do 3 workouts a week, plus walks once every two days), so I will be continuing that during those months. I also already read a lot (+5 books a month). I journal quite a lot. I write. And I'm already learning a 3rd language (so I'll be improving my skills in those months, too).

Still, that doesn't seem like enough. Those are things that I already do, so do you have any ideas? Any other goals I could set for myself?

Thank you for your help!

I feel so depressed with social media at the moment. I’m hyper aware of all the marketing, conditioning, AI, bad news and the fact that I’m addicted to doomscrolling. Sometimes when I’m on social media I feel like I’m at the start of a zombie apocalypse movie.

I really want to delete it all but I don’t want to lose connection to everyone. I stay connected to my friends from school and college through Snapchat and instagram and occasionally sending Tiktoks back and forth.

None of my close friends really text on the actual messaging app on our phone and we all use Snapchat (early 20s).

Is it worth just posting something saying ‘if you want to get in touch, here’s my number?’ And dipping?

I also find myself placing a lot of my self worth on how I appear on instagram. I feel like I need to post my achievements constantly so people I knew in HS and College will know that I turned my life around and am doing good.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Hey everybody,

I’m writing this because I honestly just need to get everything off my chest. I struggle a lot mentally and I feel extremely insecure about almost everything about myself.

I don’t think I’m funny, good looking, smart, or interesting. I have really bad social anxiety and I overthink everything. I’m also way too self-aware. When I’m talking to someone, I’m thinking about how I sound, what my face looks like, whether I’m being awkward, what I should say next, and what they probably think of me. Because of that, I’m barely present in conversations. My mind goes blank, I forget what people say, and I struggle to respond or keep a conversation going.

Growing up, my older sisters would sometimes make fun of things I liked, wore, or wanted to do. I feel like that made me scared to trust my own opinions. Now I’m extremely indecisive and easily influenced because I honestly don’t even know what I like anymore.

My brain also feels foggy all the time. I can’t focus, I forget things constantly, and I struggle to retain what I learn. I’m 19 and in college, but most days I just go to class, come home, doomscroll, and study when I absolutely have to. I don’t really have hobbies or know what I’m passionate about.
I compare myself to everyone and get jealous of people who seem confident, funny, social, or comfortable with themselves. It feels like everyone else knows how to live naturally while I’m constantly analyzing myself.

I also rely on AI a lot because I don’t trust myself to write, think, or make decisions on my own, and I feel like that’s probably making me trust myself even less.

I’m just tired of feeling like my own brain is working against me. I want to be able to hold conversations, focus, remember things, make my own decisions, and actually enjoy moments without constantly criticizing myself.

I’m 19 and I really don’t want the rest of my life to feel like this. I just don’t know where to start.
I’d really appreciate any advice.🙏

I just started a new job and I want to enjoy my free time as much as possible with hobbies that don't involve the Internet.

I don't have friends, so group based ones aren't an option, and I don't have enough money for anything expensive. What can I try?

How to find a good friend circle who help us in business and other aspects of life?

I have seen relatives who were not much into studying but had good friends and with their help they transcended into business and later started their own ventures.

Here my friends are all selfish and by the time I want to leave them they know a lot about me and places I visit,so we naturally meet sometime.We become close via mutual friends.

But I cannot trust them with money nor can introduce to my family or call them at home for some functions.

Same story with childhood friends ,who made big left the city and have no contact with anyone.

Rest of them are just chilling they don't even give their contribution while on dinner outing, call at night randomly when boozing , give emotional reason then ask for 200 500 or 1k max and never return back.

3 to 4 friends I have lend them 7-8 k each and it has been years since they returned back .

I am currently planning a venture in Mumbai ,and don't want to follow these old patterns.

How should I navigate so that I find a good circle ?

I don't want to butter someone to core,A little is okay but I don't like buttering too much.

Last month I scolded a friend because of money issue and he never called back again.

Recently came to know he has now made friends with different group near by vicinity and roams with them daily.

I want a group who has achieved something can take advice from them use their network ,learn from them if they say to work under them it's ok ,Introduce our family to them.

I am 35 and from childhood I feel I have made friends who either were dreamless were comfortable in their life or were just to cunning and selfish ( near by home).

I had 2 great friend but they shifted to different city and after marriage did not keep contact with me.

I am tired of being low key and will be shifting to Mumbai help guide me with your valuable suggestions.

I am not talking only about money but overall we should feel respected and have motivation to achieve something,till now I have done nothing in life.

Whenever I ask my childhood friends to start something they give ideas ,talk so much about plans and then later abandon.

In short how to discard bolbachan,scammer,jolar people and find really good one?

hey guys, i feel like i have no motivation to do work hard for anything. like i just wanna lay around and spend time with my friends, but obviously i cant do that unless im like a trust fund baby or smth. but i have 0 motivation in what i need to do, i do the things like list my tasks down and break them into smaller tasks, but i still dont do those smaller tasks. i dont have a particular goal for life or whatever, but i still wish i had the motivation to get my work done because i do my work last minute and it shows. do ygs have tips on how to be motivated and also maybe on how you found what you wanted to do with your life.

This has been a consistent issue in my life but it's gotten worse now that I moved on campus for college. I do anything in my power to avoid leaving my building to walk to the dining hall exclusively for food and eat what little snacks I have left in my room that I previously bought prior. Weekends are difficult and I haven't left my room in almost 3 days and all I ate yesterday was a bag of popcorn and 2 popsicles. I know that I'm hungry but not enough to do anything about it, if that makes sense. I'm used to not eating much during the day but I haven't been taking care of myself like I know I should (food and hygiene wise, which is a whole other issue) and I can't make myself stop. Does anyone know what I can do to fix this? I don't want to keep defaulting to starving myself just because I don't feel like walking, or leaving my room, or even getting out of bed. :(

Hey guys,

Last weekend I went on a date with a woman I met on a dating app, I obviously found her profile attractive online, but in person she was something else - genuinely stunning, very intelligent, kind, interesting. I don’t usually get too nervous on first dates, but this totally threw me off and I felt like she was completely out of my league (lol).

Anyway, the date ends up going pretty well all things considered, great conversation and she seems like she doesn’t want the night to end, we kiss quite a few times before we both go out separate ways. She implied several times throughout the night that she wanted a second date and I tried to play it cool, because I knew I was completely into her and would love to see her again.

I text her the next day asking to see her again and she tells me that work is very busy at the moment and says she’ll text me next week. This has really thrown me off and feels like a rejection.

Thing is, this is the first time I’ve been interested in a woman I’ve been on a date with in ages (and I think that’s why it hurts). I’ve had many dates prior to this where I’m just not into them and I reject them, now it’s happening to me I realise it absolutely sucks and wouldn’t want to make anyone feel like this.

Does anyone know what happened here? It’s almost like I felt so into her that I felt inferior / that she deserved better. But with the date going well, why the rejection.

I used to be able to place myself in scenarios and imagine them through my eyes, from my pov.

Around 2020-21, when I was 20-21, I lost this ability. I can basically on think about myself in third person view. As if there’s a camera filming me and I see that perspective. What is the cause of this? Is it weed? Growing up?

I have some goals of making myself a video content creator of sorts so I think about making videos of my future career. I want to be a pilot and I know creating content is a cool way to express the more creative side of me because of the actual “creation” aspect of all of these videos. I’ve been making videos since I was a kid. BUT now I think of myself through the lens of an Instagram post. It feels very vain and like I’m becoming a pilot just to post reels, when I know I’ve been wanting to do this since I was a kid. I will literally imagine myself through the camera angle.

Aside from me not taking concrete steps to become a pilot, what is the reason for not being able to view myself from my own pov anymore?

If any body wants to lock in with me

My goals-

1. Get better grades, practical knowledge and set myself up for good rank in neet pg

2. Get better jacked

3. Start a successful youtube channel and continue clipping culture

4. Learn french

5. Get 1500 chess rating

6. Become better at painting

What is the purpose of this post - I want a bro that has similar mindset as me and can help me keep on track by Sharing progress and setbacks. I will do the same for you.

Thank you

I have many hobbies that I am passionate about, but I am not PARTICULARLY good at ANY of them. I want to make video games, art, piano and digital music making, coding, physical activity and strength building, video game PLAYING, among others. But I can NOT seem to finish ANYTHING. I mean NOTHING. I can't finish video games I play, I can't finish art I start, I can't stick to drawing often, I can't stick to practicing any hobbies, I can't stick to working out, or eating healthy, or ANYTHING. It's so oddly consistent how I can't stick to anything, EVEN if it's something I generally enjoy. I find coding FUN, but I can't stick to practicing it for any longer than a couple days before I move on to practicing making music which I only practice for a couple days as well. It leads to me never improving because I move on from practice too quick and don't get around to practicing that particular skill again for weeks and by that point, I forgot whatever it was I learned from the original couple of days that I practiced. The weirdest one is video games, because I REALLY love video games. But I can just never stick to them to completion. This has been a LIFELONG problem, from ever since I was a kid and I'm just SO exhausted of having this problem. I mean truly, completely sad that I'm just MID at everything I do. Please, if anyone has any suggestions please send them my way. I could really use something right now. I want to fix this problem for good and find a way to properly get better at my hobbies and stick to video games and habits. Thank you in advance.

I have a problem and its torturing me.. I worry too much about incidents in my head. With the slightest change in my life i always expect the worst case scenario and start reacting based on it. It stresses me so much and drains me. And most of the time the issue ends up being way simpler than I thought it would be and I would have worried and stayed awake allnight just for nothing
I really want to get rid of that habit.. any tips?

like it's easy to blame the other person and say you're happy with the way you are but there's a reason i'm not enough and how do i do that instead of becoming a bitter person? not necessarily for that other person that might be too late but for the sake of fixing yourself and improving. i feel like lately i've become so bitter and attached my self worth to one person and this shouldn't be happening i want to improve myself but there's like this consistent sadness that stems from not being enough and it's just a loop i can't break out of i don't want to keep thinking about someone but i can't stop

Hello~ ܁₊ ⊹ . ܁ ⟡
So, pretty much just as the question reads… What is one thing that helped you change your life for the better?

I am 24 F and I am just feeling very lost where I am in my current life, and so overwhelmed by it all that I don’t even know where to start.

***I think it’s important for me to mention, I’m NOT looking for some magical thing that will “fix” my whole life, I know it isn’t that simple. Rather, I would love to hear what areas of life, habits, skills, etc. have helped YOU the most in the path to bettering yourself.***

For a bit of context: I just turned 24, I worked in customer service for 7+ years and I went to college and got a bachelor’s in Biology. After graduating I got a job as a 911 dispatcher in hopes that having a “real career” would help push me in the right direction. Unfortunately it was not a good fit, and long story short I made the decision to quit a few days ago due to the toll it was taking on my mental health and energy.

I feel like there isn’t a category in my life that I am proud of right now...
・My mental health is something I’ve been struggling with (& working on in therapy) for many years. So while it isn’t a new struggle, I’m definitely at a new low currently. (Some genetic, some not- Anxiety Disorder, Depression, ADHD, and I’ve been told by 2 professionals I could get an Autism diagnosis but I haven’t due to some safety/political worries, etc.)
・ My physical health could certainly be better (not eating right, often dehydrated, reliance on caffeine and other substances, haven’t been to a regular doctor in years, etc.).
・ I feel like I’m not doing well in my relationships (never seeing my friends, flaking on them, not having enough quality time with my partner, personal family issues).
Then to top it all off I feel like I am utterly lost in my career search, and I’m now unemployed.

I know people say it’s never a good idea to try to change everything at once, but I feel like I’m at a point where I don’t even know where to start. I don’t need my life to do a 180 change overnight (as much as I wish that was possible), but I need some direction.

I feel like I never learned the skills I needed to be successful in life- not even just money wise, but self hygiene, discipline, basic social skills, the list goes on. (I had a somewhat complicated childhood)

Now I’m at the point in my life where I WANT to live. I can’t say that has always been the case, as most of my life has felt like barely keeping my head above the water. I have a partner, good friends, and an able body- all things I am SO incredibly grateful for. Yet, I have no clue where to even start.

If you read this far… thank you. I just feel so lost, and I’m not sure where to turn. Literally any tips, advice, stories, etc. are welcome!! Thank you. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

When I was 16 I was really lonely. I had no idea why people kept leaving me. Every time I became friends with someone, we would talk for a week or two, and then they would just stop talking to me without saying anything. I was always wondering, “Why does everyone leave me?”

Then a new girl joined my school, and we became friends. One day, I told her that I had always struggled with making friends.

A couple of months later, we were walking together and it was pretty quiet. Then she suddenly said, “Can I tell you something without you getting upset?”
I said yes ofc

She basically told me, “You’re so weird. You don’t really do anything. You don’t focus on your studies, you don’t really care about your appearance, you don’t even listen to music, you don’t watch movies or even anime …., you don’t have any hobbies. Whenever I ask you what you did today, you say ‘nothing.’ And then you wonder why you don’t have friends.”

And honestly, the worst part was that she was right.
After that conversation, it was like something clicked in my head. I started paying more attention to myself and actually doing things. I started developing interests, focusing more on my life , my studies,and just becoming more involved in my own life instead of spending the whole day on my phone And I noticed a huge difference.

Now I’m 18 and sometimes when I think about myself at 16 I genuinely feel like I don’t even recognize that version of me.
What I still find weird is that I sometimes wonder why I couldn’t see it myself. Why did I need someone else to point it out before I realized what was going on?

I’m honestly still grateful to that girl. The way she said it was pretty harsh, but what she said made me wake up and look at my life differently.

Go ham

Im 16 and began eating way less as a way to lose weight, im 6'3" and down 30 pounds from 260 but am now realizing that my metabolism has shot down so much that eating around 1700 calories a day just doesnt lose weight anymore, and eating around 2500 one day causes me to gain a pound. How can I restore my metabolism to how it was before?

hey! i'm a college student going through some pretty tough anxiety right now with time-managing courses and planning for the future. in the mornings, i'm usually pretty okay and am able to get some studying/work done.

after 3pm though, i start to get some terrible anxiety and i just want to burrow away in my covers. i'm not exactly sure what's causing this cycle -- i know i'm anxious about getting work done, though i find it interesting that i'm usually fine in the morning. it sucks though, since i have little drive to hang out with my friends or get some lingering studies done that i could get done if i wasn't anxious.

is anyone going through something similar? i also just started taking zoloft for my anxiety and scheduled some meetings with a counselor, so i'm hoping it helps me feel better. i just want everything to be okay.

27 M, I feel like I was more structured in high school than I am now as an adult heading toward my late 20s/early 30s.

I work full time, I’m in school trying to transition into tech, I go to the gym, and I’m trying to improve myself, but I constantly feel behind.
Today is a good example. I’m sick, but I still wanted to finish laundry and homework. It’s 8 PM and I’m still not done with either. Everything seems to take me longer than it should.

Most of my life feels like:
Work → school → gym → repeat.

I’m making progress in the gym, but I need to lock in with nutrition, and I still struggle to consistently get 7–8 hours of sleep and train five days a week.
What bothers me most is that I barely make time for the things I actually care about. I make music and want to take it seriously, but I hardly create anymore. I also miss playing video games and doing things just because they’re fun.

I’m trying to stop doom scrolling because I’m tired of spending my free time consuming other people’s lives instead of living my own.

I’m a single guy with no kids, and I feel like I should be taking advantage of this stage of life. Sometimes I think about Alexander the Great and how much he accomplished while he was still young—not because I want to conquer the world, but because it reminds me how much life can fit into a short period of time.

I want to travel, create something bigger than myself, take risks, and actually use these years.
Instead, I feel buried in maintenance: work, homework, laundry, cleaning, meal prep, appointments, gym, sleep, errands.
And what frustrates me most is that I’m not even handling those things efficiently.

I don’t want to wake up years from now and realize I spent one of the freest periods of my life constantly “getting ready” to live.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you become more structured without turning your entire life into work and productivity?

I asked my friend recently what I need to do differently and she said I need to relax more. How do I do this?, I'm always in my head, serious, worried about things, can't enjoy life as much or have much fun. What do I do?