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u/acowardlyhoward 1d ago
If it makes you feel better, in high school my friend group had a conversation where we all admitted each of us felt like the least favorite lol
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u/Mr_Muckacka 1d ago
Yeah, this feeling, along with reminiscing and trying to find your mistakes after any interaction (even if it was good), might be kind of universal, we are social creatures and value our social standing a lot.
Being rejected fires patterns similar to physical pain (abandonment in the past meant death), and we have a bias towards caring more about negative experiences, tending to pick out mistakes and avoid them in the future.
Things sre better than we think, and more than one person feels like the fringe friend. Be kind to yourselves and know there is much to appreciate within you.
(Don't stay with groups that don't value you though, no need to waste your efforts if they won't put in the same.)
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u/frausting 1d ago
“reminiscing and trying to find your mistakes after any interaction (even if it was good)”
That’s something I really struggle with. I’m a really outgoing and social guy but I have really bad anxiety. When I tell people I have anxiety, a lot of times they look at me funny because they’re like “you’re so outgoing, how are you anxious?”
I try to explain that some people are anxious and are afraid of saying something wrong so they don’t say anything at all. And I’m the opposite: I’m so free in the moment, but later that night or the day after I’m racking my brain trying to find all the mistakes I made.
I try to tell myself that I surround myself with honest people who would tell me when I fuck up. Or at the least, if I said stupid and/or hurtful things, the same people wouldn’t hang out with me all the time.
But it’s a stupid persistent thought pattern I can’t shake.
It’s nice to hear that other people go through the same thing. Thanks for sharing
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u/Aware_Policy_9174 1d ago
It’s called ruminating if you want to learn more. There are different strategies from different therapies to deal with it, but it’s a pretty hard habit to break.
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u/frausting 1d ago
That’s helpful! I work on it with my therapist but it persists. Maybe dedicating a few sessions to this specifically could help. Our style is more “monster of the week”
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u/det4410 18h ago
no fucking kidding. i had such a horrible habit of ruminating about stupid shit. kinda blows my mind, but the way i was able to end the habit was by looking up why i was doing this, identifying that it was rumination, and then saying to myself "youre ruminating". now, i dont do it hardly at all
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u/Aware_Policy_9174 14h ago
There’s a reason mindfulness is incorporated into a lot of therapies now. Just being aware of what you’re doing or feeling is already super helpful.
Sometimes I’ll say to myself (I imagine talking to my brain) “thank you for trying to protect me but this isn’t helpful right now” because a lot of “negative” habits started as coping mechanisms that did work in the short term but were harmful in the long term. We don’t always recognize them though because we didn’t develop them consciously.
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u/sadsackle 1d ago
OMG, I'm exactly the same.
I could be the most confident guy in the room, throwing banters, telling jokes, initiating conversations.... Yet when I'm back in my own room, I'd start worrying about "What did I do wrong back then?"
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u/cokeiscool 1d ago
My 'friend' group in highschool
Always only drew and fucked with me after I fell asleep. After the second time I knew I wasn't their actual friend
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u/Username524 22h ago
But see, the difference is that you had a friend group that you didn’t doubt existed…
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u/KibbloMkII 1d ago
this is how I view myself in every social group
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u/JetBrink 1d ago
Social group, relationships, family.. almost nobody has valued me as much as I value them.
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u/SuperSocialMan 1d ago
real lol.
I just avoid them due to that.
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u/KibbloMkII 1d ago
yeah, I'm basically down to one and a half friends on discord these days.
I miss school, the forced socialization was good
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u/SuperSocialMan 1d ago
real af.
Also the lack of responsibility. You could just vibe after school instead of having to deal with bills & shit.
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u/lacking-in-depth 1d ago
Me with my family
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u/thatguy420417 1d ago
I felt that way too, so I stopped showing up and proved my theory. I was theoldest and a stepkid...
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u/Barbarossa7070 1d ago
Was in high school before I realized me and my siblings were the least favorite grandkids.
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u/Hour_Paint_1903 1d ago
Yea, but at least with my family, Im glad that I'm seen as the woke bleeding heart outsider
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u/FRYETIME 1d ago
Same here. Most of my family is pretty close to each other and regularly hang out. When I eventually do see them during holidays they always ask why I never call them (I do every few months or so).
They have never once called me. Not once.
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u/Warm-Tea-9552 1d ago
The Fringe Friend™️
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u/Pjsandwich24 1d ago
The obsession over being more or less important as a friend is why these people aren't enjoying themselves to begin with. You were invited in the first place right? Let go of the social hierarchy. Enjoy yourself.
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u/VooDooChile1983 1d ago
“Just be happy to have been invited” isn’t a good take. Being alone in a full room can really mess with people as they may be excluded from conversation, asked to be the one to take the group pics or seeing people engage with others more enthusiastically.
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u/Anxious-Captain6848 1d ago
I didn't know how painful loneliness truly was until I found a friend group that I thought accepted me.
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u/GeminiIsMissing 1d ago
On some level, yeah, but when you're the least liked friend it can sometimes be very obvious that you aren't included and it feels pretty awful. In a fairly equal friend group or one where everyone makes an effort to include everyone else, it doesn't matter, but when there's a clear hierarchy, it takes a toll.
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u/fyrinia 1d ago
It’s not obsession to be asked to be treated equally. The group rescheduling for one friend and not you, never hanging out one on one even if asked but everyone else does, always offering to help when someone asks the group but no one ever accepting it, getting more slight annoyance in hangouts against you
Like, it’s all just passive aggressive behavior. It would be kinder to just tell them you don’t want to be friends with them once it gets to an exclusionary level.
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u/Pjsandwich24 1d ago
As someone who has been on the negative side of this and makes efforts to not be that type of person. It may serve you well to stop hanging with those people.
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u/Feraligreater328 1d ago
This is genuinely how it feels. I know it’s a lie that my mean brain is telling me, but I do feel quite a bit of the time like I could die tomorrow and people would just shrug.
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u/dboti9k 1d ago
Hey, that's like me at my job!
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u/kalligreat 1d ago
lol me too. I’m not a fantasy football big drinker dude and feel left out all the time.
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u/nthensome 1d ago
No.
I've never felt like this.
I am super cool & everyone loves me & I never over compensate
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u/_AYYEEEE 1d ago
This is why I don't like groupchats. It's overwhelming for me and I'd rather talk to people individually than be a third wheel
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u/RJ_Aadithyan 1d ago
And it extends digitally too. You are the only one initiating chats and asking them how they are doing but never even get a happy birthday text from them, unless of course they need something done. And if you plan for something they'll always have a conflict but they'll always be doing so much things without you and you'll only get an invite if someone else couldn't make it. I call it the reserve friend.
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u/unknownillness17 1d ago
This is me in any friendship. I’ve learned that. It’s rare if I don’t have to text someone first. And if I don’t I won’t hear from them for months until I talk again. What’s the point? I’m like I should just get used to being alone forever (friendships and more (?))
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u/Bleauxsidian 1d ago
Yes, and I just left that group. I have my main one where I feel loved and seen; I don’t need to stay somewhere I’m not wanted just to say I have those friends
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u/Shai_Hoolood 1d ago
That was me in high school. I was terribly insecure, and it made me annoying, so I was definitely the least favorite friend.
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u/slumblebee 1d ago
I brought this up once with my friends at a party and they all reacted with a “I thought I was the least liked friend in the group?” That moment made hanging out with each other later on more fun.
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u/Beneficial-Act-9933 1d ago
Currently realziing that. Nobody calls, nobody texts and when I say "lets do things on this day" they go sure and don't respond. Used to think of them as super close too, like I was fitting in, but now it seems like as I get older people don't seem to give a shit what I have to say.
It's why I'm learning to enjoy and do things on m y own because I know I'm going to have to face it by myself. Nobody cares. They say they do, but never show up.
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u/kardinal_syn_ 1d ago
If you got invited to the outing, somebody wanted you to be there, and if you didn’t, how did you end up there?
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u/Th3Dark0ccult 1d ago
I get that feeling, but I also understand that it is entirely my fault. I'm very ''difficult'' to be around.
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u/FRYETIME 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I’ve been there a couple times with different friend groups. One of the worst feelings was when I found out that my friends had made a separate group chat without me in it.
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u/FRYETIME 1d ago edited 1d ago
My best friend’s mom (not my friend himself) invited me to a group high school graduation party with a bunch of my other friends. My grandma was in hospice and actively dying during this (grandpa died 3 years prior), but she told me to go spend time with my friends to give me a break from caring for her nonstop for the past 3 months.
These were guys I considered to be closer to me than most of my real family (aside from my grandparents). My grandparents treated them all like their own grandchildren, and spoiled the hell out of all of us. I considered them all to be my brothers. We all grew up together, practically lived at each others houses each summer, and they helped me through some of the worst times of my life.
My best friend at the time gave a short speech and mentioned all of our friends by name, called them over, gave each of them a hug, and said that he couldn’t have made it to that point in his life without them. He didn’t say my name, and his mom awkwardly piped up and was like “And FRYETIME!” He just did a nervous laugh and was like “oh yeah…of course, him too”. He didn’t motion for me to come over, or approach me for a hug, so I remained standing off to the side with his mom and the other parents.
Most of them stopped talking to me a few weeks later after they all came to my grandma’s funeral, but they still hang out with each other regularly to this day almost 10 years later.
I miss these guys so much, and to this day I’ve never even come close to having friends that I’ve loved as much as all of them. I just wish I knew what went wrong.
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u/VooDooChile1983 1d ago
Yeah but, from experience, that’s usually the person that everyone comes to talk shit about the others.
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u/Happy_Ad_2575 1d ago
The whole point of a friend group is that you can all hang out or some people will be missing and it's still okay. I think that if you feel this way, specially if it's often across several friend groups, it shows that you might not be as confident and are projecting your insecurities in your friends. So ask yourself, do you wanna be there? Are you happy with your participation or would you like to be a bit more open/talkative/funny? Do you like the people you're hanging with? Do you feel those people respect you and enjoy your company? Learn to enjoy yourself and others, it's a more peaceful life
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u/thelegodr 1d ago
Literally any friendship I’ve been a part of. Must be why I don’t have any friends as an adult. I reach out to touch base, no one else ever does or has. So I quit trying and there ya go.
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u/vbullinger 1d ago
I’m really weird in that I love myself and am really happy all the time with a big personality, etc. but damn, man… NOBODY is going to my funeral. It’ll be like… my kids? And that’s it.
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u/ExpiredLink404 1d ago
I still think people only talk to me so they won't name them in my suicide note (I'm fine now, but high school was hell)
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u/Outrageous_Book4674 1d ago
Dude I am the least liked person in the group of people I imagine in my mind I hang out with.
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u/FlavorHomunculus 1d ago
One of my university friends got married and everyone in our friend group was in the wedding and sat at a table together except me and I was sat at a table with a 3rd cousin who had only met him twice lol. I was upset at the time but I realised that I've got other friends I would consider my best friends but that group are still talking most days etc. In retrospect I also distanced myself from them when they fell out with someone.
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u/iwannabethisguy 23h ago
Yes. To test this, don't show up at the next gathering,see if they check-in with you to see what's up.
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u/Scare_N_Scar 22h ago
Nah never had that problem, since I got no friends. So you could say most of the time Im the coolest, most liked one in my "group" 😎
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u/Striking-War-9990 20h ago
Yeah. I switched high school friend groups because of that, turns out they made a whole group chat just without me and planned a bunch of outings together without me. I don’t even know what I did.
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u/Lalamedic 1d ago
Those people aren’t your friends. They are acquaintances at best, but more likely just place holders.
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u/SplashOfStupid 1d ago
Lowkey feels a little toxic to just assume people don't care about you without any proof other than "you kinda feel that way"
If I found out someone I cared about was yapping on twitter about how they don't matter to anyone, I'd be a little pissed off
Sure, maybe people really do feel this way
But maybe they should develop a personality outside of being a victim everyone needs to coddle
You get back the energy you put in, if you act like you don't matter then people are gonna think you don't give a shit and just stop hanging out with you and you'll go back to whining on the internet about how nobody likes you when it was you who put distance between your friend group.
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u/Sakura48 18h ago
Feel like you are the toxic one. How do you know OP didn't put his energy in?
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u/SplashOfStupid 17h ago
The whole 'you just know you're the least favorite' tells me it's more of a 'gut feeling' than anything they've confirmed.
And besides, so what?
Either they're not "the least favorite" and they're just fantasizing about being hated
Or the people they're hanging out with just don't like them
You aren't owed friendship from people just because you want itCall me 'toxic' all you want, that's just the reality of this situation.
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u/Professional_March54 1d ago
Every friend group I was ever in. Proven to me in college when they stopped inviting me to things and then had a giant game night in the communal rec room. Which was directly next door to my dorm room. I actually thought I finally belonged, before that, so it hurt real bad. I could hear them laughing and having fun. So when I went over to see what was what, they quickly shut up and closed the door in my face buried. It felt like a slap in the face. Not even an awkward half lie. I cut them all off and went to have a breakdown in the library bathroom. It plunged my already deteriorating mental health into a very scary spiral that I almost didn't crawl out of. That hurt. To the soul. So I don't do friends anymore.
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u/FRYETIME 1d ago
You sound like me man. This exact same scenario happened to me my first year in college, and I’ve had walls up ever since.
Nowadays the only people I consider to be my friends are all people I’ve played Xbox with for years, but I’m still not nearly as close to them as I was with the friends I grew up with.
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u/Polkawillneverdie17 1d ago
That's how you know it's time to leave and go find some better friends.
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u/Theboulder027 1d ago
I felt like this through every football season in middle school and high school because that's all my friends would talk about for the first half of every week and I never cared about sports.
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u/ambasciatore 1d ago
I used to think like this but I just decided to be thankful I was even invited and just live my life happy to have people who invite me to things. 🥰
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u/Aleister_Growley 1d ago
I always try to get people not to like me by being a dick to them but they just think I’m funny. 🤦
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u/TheDebonairQuokka 1d ago
I've felt that way with my family. Actually, I feel it right now sitting here with them.
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u/forgetfulsue 1d ago edited 1d ago
In my high school friend group there was an odd number of girls. Guess who was the only one without a “bestie”? Most them are still in contact 25 years later (granted two of them are cousins, but still). I’m not the only one who’s moved out of state.
eta: when I moved to my new state I joined a mommies group and was of course the outsider because I didn’t live in the same small town I was born and raised in, like them. I’m still an outsider and am just so happy that my sister is my best friend (though she lives 8 hours away) and there’s no I’d rather hang out with than my husband.
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u/ManicMaenads 1d ago
Everyone else has known eachother longer, can never catch up to their pre-established bonds.
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u/Happypengy 1d ago
yes. we moved 16 times before i was 18 and I was ALWAYS the new kid, always unwanted. I love my home, wherein I am wanted now.
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u/ScrubbaDubDoob 1d ago
Friends, family, colleagues, I don't feel I fit anywhere, if I died tomorrow they probably would even notice, except maybe the colleagues....
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u/MidnightCoru 1d ago
Had the exact thought and confirmation when I was in highschool. Was hanging out with four friends and felt so out of place, like I wasn't supposed to be there.
I just walked away, wasn't even noticed when I did. Sucked to be confirmed though.
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u/LinnunRAATO 1d ago
I think that but it doesn't mean it's true. Whenever I manage to voice my insecurities they tell me they love having me around. ♡
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u/Lazy-Ambassador-7908 1d ago
This is called a distorted thought. This is something that you have assumed in your head that is often not reflected in reality
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u/littlebutcher1914 19h ago
During rounds a my job an attending was sharing an experience and he said that we remember our achievements for minutes to days but we remember our failures and mistakes for years
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u/Reesno33 18h ago
This is me in most of my friend groups but I also make the least effort to organise things or stay in touch. Im pretty lazy with things like that and enjoy my own company so I'm grateful to have friends who do make all the effort and yes of course those friends are the most important friends and people like me are less important but I make sure I'm fun to be around and keep getting invited.
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u/bnburner 16h ago
Ok, time for least favorite friend meet up. I'll chair. And then can all start to ignore me.
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u/TheCornerator 14h ago
When I got my license in high-school I was asked to come hangout with who I though was my friends. They booked it at a red light as soon as we made it downtown.
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u/Illustrious-Appeal97 6h ago
Found out this was me when I was the only friend not invited to a wedding. In a way it was a good kick in the butt to evaluate if they were my friends or if it was a friendship of convenience because we all just grew up together.
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u/DownvoteDaemon 1d ago
No lol
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u/MalaysiaTeacher 1d ago
Then spare a thought for the guy who does feel that way, because they exist. Help a homie feel important
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u/Deepvaleredoubt 1d ago
Let me introduce you to the Irish Goodbye, my friend. Dip out, and whoever texts you and asks “where did you go” is the only person in that group you should probably spare your time for in the future.
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u/WorryWorm6 1d ago
But that's always just a thought in your head. Took me years of therapy, but I don't feel that way anymore. If I'm their least favorite, I'm still a favorite.
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u/BrokeArmHeadass 1d ago
I genuinely don’t know how people go about life trying to quantify human connection like this. I don’t think anyone would be able to genuinely and honestly answer the question of “rank your friends in order of favorite to least favorite,” it feels miserable to try and put numbers and rankings to not only your own friendships, but your place in other people’s friendships. Chances are, they just aren’t thinking about it that way.
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u/BumblebeeCareful5810 1d ago
Last week I commented this on a response to an ask reddit question asking what things are hard about being a man that women don't know about. I think the same text is relevant here.
That you are NEVER the most important person in someone elses life, and you aren't allowed to be the most important person in your own life either.
Oh sure, you have family, friends, neighbors, maybe even a wife or girlfriend. But you are never the #1 in anyones life. If have any sisters, they are more important to your parents than you. If you don't, your dad cares more about your mom than he does you, and you mom will only care about you more than anyone until you have a little brother, and will only care about him until he's able to take care about himself, then either her sister(s), mom, friends, etc. become more important. Your friends will say they care about you, but you will never be the #1 priority. They have parents they care about more, a gf, bf, wife, husband, kids, someone they love and care about more than you. Neighbors? forget about it. As soon as you are out of sight, you are out of mind (unless you're a problem, then theyre plotting against you.) Wife or girlfriend? she cares more about herself, her parents, siblings, girlfriends, or her kids.
And strangers? fuck no. strangers either treat you like you don't exist or are a threat.
The only way I can think of a guy being the most important person in someone elses life is if they have a boyfriend of husband.
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u/BradleyNeedlehead 19h ago
I am the most important person in my girlfriend's life, and vice versa. I feel extremely confident saying that. I'm sure that's true for many other men.
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u/davidforslunds 1d ago
I think this is something most people feel, no? You are your own worst critic and all that.
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u/RefrigeratorBrave870 1d ago
This is political content.
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u/lagenariabranch 1d ago
How so?
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u/RefrigeratorBrave870 1d ago
This is an example of micro scale intragroup politics in action.
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u/qualityvote2 1d ago
Heya u/TheWebsploiter! And welcome to r/NonPoliticalTwitter!
For everyone else, do you think OP's post fits this community? Let us know by upvoting this comment!
If it doesn't fit the sub, let us know by downvoting this comment and then replying to it with context for the reviewing moderator.