I dont feel like I could enjoy anything anymore. Nor do I feel like im living my life anymore.

[u/Silver-Win8645]

So im 17m. 2025 was both the best and worst year of my life. As for the best, i got into a relationship with my own crush. And for the worst, one of my parents got cancer stage 4 and had to spend my half 12th garde in banglore for him, soon I came back to my hometown for college only to be admitted in hospital for 3 weeks that top far away from my own family. Good thing that my aunt took care of me until I recovered and my mom came at the last week during sept month.

2025 has been nothing but hospitals in my life. Never in my 17 years of life was i admitted this severely. I was diagnosed with typhoid first and later severe case of dengue. I used to cook for myself and my grandfather while my mom and my elder sister took care of my father while he was recovering. And due to me doing all the home chores alone I eventually skipped meals and ended up with this case.

Life could not get any better during winter, had massive fights with my own gf due to her toxicness that forced me to break up with her in June 2026. I had gotten so weak in the year 2025 that even a slightest weather change would cause me fever. I was hospitalised for 3 weeks in sept, got fever during dusshera, again got cold in December and lastly got sick during my boards and couldnt perform well in it, only to be end up in ICU in the month of early june 2026.

After my boards and competitive exams I enjoyed to my fullest, joined gym with my friends only to end up in ICU. This was one of the worst phase of my life. Cause for straigjt 5 days my ear was aching like hell along with my left side of forehead. I used to sleep 16 to 20 hours a day thinking this is normal fever but it wasnt. Later my left hand started to act strangely. My left hand started to curl up itself and i had no power in to open my fingers of hold anything, it felt like paralysis. I ignored it for 3 days until it got worse. Checked with the hospital and was admitted in ICU for nerve infarct in my left side of brain which caused the stoppage of blood flow in my brain leading me to always sleep. Feel lazy and slight loss of vision in my left eye (5/6 vision). Eventually I recovered and joined a university only to be left out alone.

Ever since I broke up with my gf and got through that hell phase. Nothing seems exciting to me anymore in every aspect of my life. I was the extrovert guy with the whole school being my friend. But after 2025 i became silent. My parents also asked me whats the matter why did you got all silent suddenly, since I was a rebellious kid always causing some trouble. Me becoming so silent and calm suddenly wasnt the thing they expected. I find nothing interesting, everytime i try to do something, my thoughts directly says "oh this is gonna be this way and shi" like my thoughts speak to me like they already know the script.

I even got betrayed by my own friends. They got me grouped alone, put some fake allegations saying i back bitch about them on Instagram, when I demanded proofs there was none. 2 of my friends who i was since 5th std slapped me and couldnt hit me anymore when i said that do whatever you want cause you are ass lickers, licking and glazing each others ass hairs". I felt betrayed at that time and I just stopped talking to everyone. This didnt effect me that much cause I moved on from it within 3 days and that was my problem

Instead of feeling betrayed, broken or sad. I feel nothing. Not in a sigma way. But the kind of thing where you dont know what to think. No thoughts about that betrayal. No sadness, no sorrowness nothing. Its kinda good in a way but since I am not being sad or crying about it. But it does affect me other way. I always think why I am feeling this way? Why cant i be like normal people around me? There are many pretty girls in my campus. And I dont feel anything about them too. I thought I would make a female friend or a female bestie who can emotionally support me. But again, in the back of my head my brain speaks "its the same script, you'd fight sometimes, either one of you would catch feelings get into a relationship and have those fuckass fights and breakup again" and i just couldnt shake off this feeling cause part of thinks its right. Why approach someone have a talk for years only to end up like strangers again. But another part of me feels like thats how life is and thing. I know thats how life is. But even I also want to end up in a good terms. Im okay with being stangers with my best f again but atleast in a mutual break.

I have no one to talk to, my elder sister is in same university. But my image infront of them is like whether I live alone or in a group i dont give a fuck type of. But i cant tell them it also effects me so much from inside. I tried to reach out with my close friend group of 2. One has became a wanna be niche since he came to banglore trying to rizz the huzz and shi. Every time I try to open to him he just straight up interrupts me mid way and that is not even from the topic i was speak thats a whole another topic that he brings and eventually I shut myself. The other one is just narcissist flexing his marks, money and always cries infront of me about everything. When i open up to him he just says oh I see and starts his rant saying my father said he'd gift me hunter 350 if i got a govt medical seat and shi. So I just cant open to anyone now.

If you're reading this post, i would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this big paragraph. It would mean a lot to me since you took your time out and read this shit from my shitty life. If you want to help from giving advice. I would gladly accept it. I just want to get out of this emotional numb phase and want to live life again 😊.

[u/AwkwardUniversity86]

That must have been an incredibly tough year for you. Even in the darkest moments like these, it's okay to feel overwhelmed, and I hope you're finding even small moments of comfort where you can.