I’m too wet for him to finish

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u/catouthebag 16d ago

If wiping or pulling out is drying you out to the point of painful friction, I seriously doubt this has to do with producing too much lubricant.

I also have a hard time believing that your vagina is structurally different to the point of him having difficulty orgasming.

The fact that anal sounds like the only thing that gets him off is interesting. Most of the stimulation there comes from the pressure of the sphincter tightly squeezing the penis.

Maybe he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t have issues with previous partners, but maybe he was also more sensitive to friction then. Being responsive to pressure rather than friction is typical with death grip syndrome. I’d be interested to know what his masturbation habits are like.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

He doesn’t masturbate, he actually has a low libido in general. He’s struggled with a lot of guilt and disgust around masturbation as a lot of men do and before we met he had been abstinent for 2 years. He did lose his virginity at 14 though and I met him when he was 19 so I do agree he may have just been more sensitive because he was a teen boy.

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u/Less_Representative7 16d ago

It kind of sounds like it’s a problem with him and maybe he’s gone through something that changed his libido since the girls he’s been with. He’s blaming you and it’s not fair.

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u/Flodefar 16d ago

"as a lot of men do"? What do you mean? Could you provide some evidence for your claim?

I dont mean to be disrespectful, but I want to make sure that other readers dont get opinions mixed up with facts.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

Maybe it’s cause I’m in the Bible Belt south but almost every guy I’ve dated has been taught that masturbating and premarital sex are shameful lustful things that you shouldn’t do. This is also a reoccurring theme amongst guys I know in general who I’ve been close enough with to talk about that kinda thing.

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u/CambridgeAntiquary 16d ago

I want you to please be open to the possibility that he might close himself off towards the idea of sex sooner or later completely if this isn't dealt with with psychological help, i have seen it happen. If this should be the case you might be in for a very painful time of being sexually rejected. Maybe it won't happen but I want to tell you as someone who has experienced this that this is absolutely possible and is a shame based and somewhat neurotic issue that can get worse over time. To be sexually rejected by the partner you desire is very damaging for one's own mental health and one if the emotionally most excruciating experiences one can have. I am saying this because you are the high libido partner in this connection. Perhals you can make ot work and there will be a happy ending for you two and I very much wish this for you. It might be a good idea to check out the sub Deadbedrooms which has a lot of experiences and information about these specific things. If I had had access to this kind of sharing of experiences and information sooner, it would have spared me a lit of suffering because I would have gone about things a different way. Best of luck!

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

I see you’ve commented on my post both here and the marriage subreddit so I’m just gonna respond to you here and people that don’t see my other post will probably be confused reading this lol.

That was actually the main issue in our relationship at first and the not being into bdsm problem was really a secondary problem at first, because the main problem was he was rejecting me a ton. Really for all 3 years of college we were together and living together his libido was terrible like he might’ve initiated twice a month. Meanwhile in a perfect world I’d enjoy sex 3-4 times a week. The most I could get him to do was maybe once a week, but I pretty much begged him to meet me in the middle at twice a week and I would’ve been satisfied. We were both in college and he was cramming 2 degrees into 4.5 years so he was very busy and I understood that, but that didn’t stop me from crying myself to sleep sometimes because I was just so desperate for intimacy and passion with the person I love. There were periods where my brain kind of flipped a switch and I became so extremely uninterested in sex and intimacy. I didn’t want him to touch me. In these times of course he decided then that he would put in effort to have sex more. We’d work through it until I felt sexual again, and he’d maybe keep up the tempo for like 2 weeks before he reversed back to his normal and I’d go back to crying and feeling undesired.

In our current situation, I have gotten to the point that I really can’t even get off if I’m thinking about him when we have sex. It’s terrible I know, that’s why I’m planning to go to therapy. But I have just had to detach myself from my feelings around sex so much that I could literally have sex with anyone at this point and it would all be the same to me. I don’t see it as a way to feel close anymore, I just see it as a way to get off and afterwards I don’t care about aftercare either. I really hate that in my mind it’s literally just sex and nothing more.

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u/CambridgeAntiquary 16d ago

Hi :-), that's a good idea about answering only once, haha. :-) Thank you also for your trust and for sharing all you did, it helps a lot getting a better picture. I'm a woman, by the way. OK so honestly, this sounds to me as if you're trying to go to therapy to help you cope with a situation that you want to make work at all cost. See, this is what I meant with regard to the marriage not providing you with the stability you THINK it does, or want it to do. This arrangement is actually massively destabilising you, to the point where you are willing to do yourself a lot of mental and emotional damage by forcing yourself to stay in it. It can't be good for him either and while this might be extremely sad at first, holding on for dear life and the two of you just getting more and more miserable can't be it. So you may want to reconsider what kind of love this actually is that you feel for him? If it is a deep, strong and moving human love, it can stay this without the two of you even needing to be together.

I think you absolutely should do therapy, just for yourself, and use it to find your answers and get strong, see perspective, all the good and important stuff.

One thing I would like you to consider is that it is possible for the lower libido partner feeling so pressurised that they eventually in a short circuit kind of situation start cheating. It happened to me and I can't possibly describe the pain of this, even if it's just kissing someone else to feel less trapped because they're under so much pressure, the pain it causes to pour your all into a great love while you're being denied and rejected again and again, and for you to wait patiently and hope, every day, trying to regulate yourself, trying to repress your feelings both emotionally and physically, only for them to in the end feel so trapped that they break your heart like that, it is an unbelievable feeling of pain and feeling cheated in more than one way.

I am not saying that it HAS to happen, everyone is different. But people are doing weird stuff when they feel disconnected from their partner and trapped or in conflict in some way.

At this point, you're practically willing to suffer damage to yourself just not to give up on the marriage in the hope it will get better. How suffocating. Another thing to consider: my personal experience was that the more he rejected me and the more he kept me at bay so I felt like starving at arm's length, the more I started to adore him, the stronger I clung to him and the relationship, and the more handsome and sexy I found him. It is a weird thing how being deprived of something that is vital to us can cause us to see them in a more and more idealised light, juat because the longing is so intensely fuelled by the fact that we can't have them the eay we want, and by the hope that creates this intense tension within us that makes us want them more. However! The truth is, you've got to ask yourself how much you're actually sexually attracted to him. I am very familiar with the feeling of at some point being put off by anything sexual related to them, because a part of us just dissociates inside, right..? And we stop being authentic, but at the same time it's like our mind, soul and body try their utmost to take their authenticity back by feeling towards them the way they then do. And on another train track, parallel, we still crave and want them. But, do we really..? It is so confusing.

Sometimes something seems more precious than it is because we want for it to work so badly. But sometimes somethjng really IS that precious, and one vital aspect of it STILL kills us inside. It is so hard and my heart goes out to you. But you're being squeezed like in a car press here it seems. Also, 3-4 times a week is kind of normal to average. At age 22, I'd say it's potentially on the low side. I could have sex every day or maybe every second. I'm saying this to let you know that you're not asking for too much. He also though has the right to not want sex more then he does. Neither of you is "wrong".

There is the possibility that he's feeling ashamed and holding back because he is actually somewhat kinky but cant come to terms with jt, especially since you're married and he may see you as the perfect, pure wife and future mother of his children. In some men who have a madonna-whore-complex (lot's of info about it here and on youtube!), this can happen, which means it can even get worse with marriage and children. You know the rule number one in the Deadbedroom sub: don't marry into a dead bedroom. I would like to add: don't have children yet if you're not 100% sure that you want and will stay with this man for the rest of your days.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

Girl you described exactly how I’ve felt. I definitely think us going to sex therapy will help us figure out if this can be resolved or if we need to start looking for alternative solutions. My husband makes me feel like I’m a lustful horndog because of my libido. I once told him if he thought I was horny now he should’ve seen me with ex who had a matching libido and the same kinks cause even though we were in high school and couldn’t get physical when we wanted, we’d have phone sex anywhere from 2-5 times a day. We were only together for a month and broke up because he was suicidal and my mental health was being drug down by his.

The sexually attracted part is a really interesting prompt cause it’s definitely evolved as we’ve had these troubles for so long. As far as physical attraction goes I am extremely attracted to him. He’s extremely handsome and strong and muscular, he is very well endowed and knows how to use it for sure, but ofc we’ve already established he’s vanilla. If I were to compare him to my ex who is my exact match as far as bedroom stuff goes. I’m really not attracted to my ex physically, he’s very averagely endowed and I never had full on sex with him so I don’t know if he’s good at it, and he is not on the same level of physical appearance to me and we don’t look right together (for context I’m a model). So one person I’m extremely attracted to physically and the others I’m extremely attracted to but only related to bedroom stuff. But as far as personality my husband is truly a gem of a man. I can’t imagine that I’d ever find another man like him. He is an extremely intelligent and kind and loving man. My ex is, well, a man and he is kind and sweet as well but I don’t think I’d ever be with him like I am with my husband where I feel giddy waiting for him to come home so I can spend time with him.

If you want me to be completely honest with you girl, I am also attracted to the social aspect of being with my husband. We make sense together. I’m a model who’s going to graduate school, and he’s a big strong naval officer who’s planning to become a doctor. We literally couldn’t have better aligned career plans cause he’s a naval officer, and I’m getting my masters in clinical social work and I do research for military and veteran suicide prevention. He is so outwardly loving towards me my friends are often in awe of how great of a man and husband he is. Everyone in my life would think I’m an idiot if I let him go, and I’d agree. I’m honestly holding onto this idea of us being a picture perfect couple/family because we are perfect together in every aspect except sexually. Like Ive said though that’s the million dollar question: will I still be happy down the road if I’ve got this picture perfect family but I’m not satisfied in the bedroom.

As far as the Madonna whore complex goes, it almost feels a bit like that because he was open to the idea of us having a threesome until we started getting closer and closer to marriage. He really just has a fundamental belief that you shouldn’t treat someone who you care about as an object. He doesn’t objectify women in general though that’s why he has so much shame surrounding lust. He thinks men who call women whores or sluts or are willing to engage in domination can’t truly care about the women they’re with.

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u/What09 16d ago

I'm also in the Bible belt and it's not that common at all for men to feel this way. Women on the other hand, different story.

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u/holistivist 15d ago

If you lice in a repressive area, have we considered that your partner’s shame might extend to his sexuality?

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 15d ago

He already identifies as having an unlabeled sexuality, his wife is openly bi, and his bestfriend is nonbinary and pansexual. He was taught to be ashamed of lust when he was a kid in church in his formative years and then as he got older he stopped being Christian. Since being with me he’s come back into Christianity but it’s a much different vibe than what he grew up with. So no he doesn’t have a problem with his sexuality he just has a fundamental belief that lust and masturbation are disgustingly, but he doesn’t have a belief that being gay is wrong. He has a sister who’s openly bi as well so it’s not anything he has to hide from his family either.

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u/More_Many_8188 16d ago

OP, I had a quick look at your post history. Getting him to blow inside you to conceive seems like the least of your problems. Your sexual compatibility (and his lies about it) sound like he has some issues around sex that you both need to deal with, without repressing yourself, before you can even begin to consider kids.

There’s an old saying that you might want to consider: When sex is good, it feels like a small part of a marriage, but when it’s not, it feels like 90%. From experience, I can tell you that the frustration festers. You can not change someone’s inherent sexuality - not yours, and not his.

Your wetness is not the main issue.

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u/Foxynite 16d ago

This comment made me curious so I clicked and checked into her other posts. She also says he was a virgin when they got together but in this post he slept with 4 other women? So now I'm curious what that discrepancy is about.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

Idk which post but it must’ve just been a typo. To clear things up he lost his virginity at 14 and I met him when he was 19 so that’s how he had sex with 4 others before me. I met him at 18 and that’s when I lost my virginity to him. I hope this clears up any confusion.

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u/Sibilantka 16d ago

I didn't see this discrepancy -- OP's story seems very coherent, actually...

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u/Foxynite 16d ago

chat is this /s or /srs

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u/cptkl1 16d ago

This is absolutely not a you problem so do not take this as me critiquing you, but go look up r/pompoir.

What your husband might be misconstruing as too wet is not enough friction through skin to skin contact.

Pompoir is a practice of squeezing around the penis. Building up the pelvic floor can also have bennifits during and after pregnancy.

This can also increase your pleasure as well.

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u/EmsPorcelain89 16d ago

I was coming here to suggest this too! Good shout.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

I have explored this as an option and still keep an open mind about it, but I had to go to pelvic floor therapy when we first started having sex because I was experiencing a lot of pain. The pelvic floor therapist said the muscles of my walls were too tight and didn’t know how to relax. She explained that if I had previously done kegels regularly that would explain why and suggested that I stopped doing them. (I had done them for years before I met him cause I wanted to have good pelvic floor strength). I’m sure it works very well for a lot of women but I think they work a little too well for me😭😂

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u/cptkl1 16d ago

Part of pompoir is relaxing. It's also not just about squeezing the opening but the layers above. If you have had issues in the past then I would defer to experts but this could also be exactly the issue. Take a look at the group, and the pinned post and experiment with control of the 4 vertical layers and see if you can squeeze the middle layer without squeezing the bottom(kegal).

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u/Littlewing1307 16d ago

Exactly. Pompoir is a mastery of these muscles, which includes the micro and macro movements.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

I’ll look into it. Thank you for the suggestion!

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u/Sibilantka 16d ago

I also have this problem; I feel like I can't do any kind of kegel/pompoir exercises without provoking tightness on one side. I spend a lot of time on relaxing, I've posted in r/pompoir about it, have asked a pelvic PT (she's completely dismissive of all things in this direction; not that thrilled with this aspect of our work but it was really difficult to get any appt with any pelvic PT for me so I'm not sure where to go on this), have asked yoni egg instructors, etc. --- I really haven't been able to get any traction on this problem at all and this has completely stymied any pompoir progress. I hope I am missing something, and that someone can help. Any concrete ideas?

(I thankfully don't have the precise problem that the OP has -- I've already had all my children --though my partner also has what is clearly a huge circumcision scar, and I do believe the circumcision overall has caused a lot of problem that my partner isn't even ready to acknowledge. But, OP, if you too figure anything out in this direction, I would love to hear about it.)

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u/KPinCVG 16d ago

There is actually the kegel and the reverse kegel. Women should be doing both.

Like we don't have enough on our plate already

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u/Somaj0r 16d ago

My therapist told me definitely no on kegels lol

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u/Radiant-Intention303 16d ago

Being very wet is usually a sign of normal arousal, not a defect, and wiping away lubrication until sex hurts is definitely not the solution, because your vagina is not supposed to run on sandpaper mode.

Since he also struggles to finish with other types of stimulation and has scar tissue, he should consider seeing a doctor or urologist, while you two experiment with positions and pacing that change sensation without sacrificing your comfort.

If sex regularly causes micro tears or pain, stop pushing through it, because no orgasm is worth turning date night into a dermatology appointment.

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u/cliticalfun 16d ago

If he is like me, sometimes it can be hard to finish when I get to that point and just go go go in the same position trying to force myself to come. Don't be afraid to switch things up. Try a different position. Go back to foreplay. Even take a small break. Sometimes just a 5 minute break can help a lot. Sex is mental just as much as physical, so slowing down to kiss or do something else you know turns him on can really help.

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u/Dry-Armadillo-580 15d ago

Yeah my ex-husband used to tell me the same thing. And he also claimed to have a botched circumcision and come to find out, he was gay. I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. Also sexual compatibility is really important in order for a relationship to survive.

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u/BigMisterLawyerDude 16d ago

My wife was like this in our 20s. You really just need to pull out a couple of times and wipe off. If that doesn't work, try using lube. It sounds counter intuitive, but the lube has a different friction level than vaginal fluid.

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u/FamousWorth 16d ago

Don't stick anything inside to dry yourself out, just dry externally

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u/FredrictonOwl 16d ago

One suggestion that might help… a vibrator. You could experiment with a vibrating toy … maybe even one designed for men. You have sex until you’re satisfied and then use the toy on him to help him finish.

Another thought is that you don’t necessarily need him to be all the way inside you when he cums.. you could try holding yourself open for him and he can cum from outside. There are many ways around that. However, I do think it’s worth talking to a personal counsellor about your relationship and the ways you no longer align, sexually. Especially with how you feel he deceived you about his libido and about your bisexuality.

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u/LanaBoleyn 16d ago

Have you tried a vibrator? I know you said he’s very vanilla, but it really might be worth a try. Even if it’s “for me,” my husband still feels it and it speeds him up too!

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u/reluctantdonkey 16d ago

Since he has had sex with less-wet women and found it to not be an issue, the only thing we have to go on is his stated experience. And, yes, we see it reasonably often around here.

You may find that using lube first, and then also wiping up the extra, natural "wetness" is a good solution, it still prevents damage and tears while allowing for SOME amount of skin drag and friction. You might even want to play around with using something like coconut oil that you apply before things get underway so that that is providing a skin barrier and any "wet" flows on top of that and is wipe-uppable.

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u/S8nBam 16d ago

Does he masterbate? That won't help in his needs. Also, i think I have the issue he has sometimes. I can go on until i am exhausted. I find that having a fan on facing the bits, helps dry out slightly.

Also, certain positions are worse, I.e. sometimes doggy style, especially if the girls not in great shape

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u/denden9541 16d ago

Try drying w sheet. Towels can be very course

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u/ShitFlingingPrimate 16d ago

You're not alone! I have a hard time finishing when my wife gets very wet. Great problem to have. Try "The Pretzel" if you're comfortable. It provides a very full coverage for him and can stimulate more area than just relying on friction at the glans and actually reduces friction at the head. See the description in the link; pull your top leg up for deeper penetration if you need/want it.

https://badgirlsbible.com/pretzel-sex-position

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u/fourthehardway 16d ago

It is entirely possible that you two are simply not sexually compatible. It happens. Ask yourself, if after 2, 4, 10 years nothing has changed are you good with that?

We pay for our lives with what time we have. And all we will ever leave here with our the experiences we had, nothing else. Use your time wisely.

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u/Feeling-Beyond-8346 16d ago

Switch to positions that give him visual stimulation. Also try some dirty talk to help him lose control.

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u/The_Bucket_Of_Truth 16d ago

Do you use condoms or no? Try using textured condoms as it may actually help. They feel way better than smooth ones for me. Trojan Ultra Ribbed (tan box) or Skyn Extra Studded are the two that seem most commonly available.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

We don’t use condoms no. We’d prefer getting pregnant next year, but we’d still be happy if it happened now so we just use the pull out method

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u/upvotesyouingw 16d ago

maybe try a different positions as well? there's days I have similar issues with my partner and I find that one of the positions that gets me off is "prone", she lies on her stomach, I lie on top of her with my legs outside of her legs, and penetrate her vaginally. It's also a great position for him to dirty talk directly into your ear and and for hair pulling, if that's your thing.

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u/Mmm-Shauny 16d ago

Have you tried prone bone? Really squeezing your legs together and have him ride up a bit so the angle of penetration is really on the front vaginal wall. Should really put pressure on you gspot, which is a win, but will also on his frenulum. If you are very wet the friction will still not be there but the pressure might do the trick

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

We have and it works very well he finishes fast from it but I have trauma from an ex who forced himself on me in prone bone so it’s my least favorite position. I still try to do it though because I want my husband to be able to finish ofc. I just have a really rough time with it mentally

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u/Sarnt082010 16d ago

While he's inside you put your hand between your legs, make a V, like the Strek Trek hand gesture or peace sign, make it tight around his shaft and jerk him off while he thrusts. You're welcome in advance.

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u/AccountantOk9904 16d ago

I'll bet my money that he's jerking off too much with bad form.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

He doesn’t jerk off at all really. At most he’ll do it every couple months if he wakes up before me with morning wood and it’s annoying him. I have a higher libido than him so he doesn’t need to jerk off. We have sex maybe once or twice a week (his preference not mine) so I don’t think it’s that he’s desensitized to sex either.

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u/AccountantOk9904 16d ago

It's your relationship, so you'd know better than I. I'm just speaking as a penis haver, who has said similar things to your husband in the past.

Maybe the underlying cause isn't too much masturbation, but it sounds like he still needs tightness that he isn't getting vaginally. You could split the difference and add some hand use during penitration. He could pull out, start finishing himself and penitrate you right before he comes. Hope it's not TMI, but there was a woman who'd hold the base of my penis during missionary and doggy and it was heavenly. This was during a period when I thought I count feel much and that did the trick.

But ultimately, it could be a psychological thing. Sure, he never had this issue with other women, but were they his wife? Was he facing the possibility of conception? Were they even term relationships? Sex is just as much mental as it physical.

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u/1stdan5703 16d ago

I agree it’s not a you problem but you might be able to help defeat this with just a little help from you. Putting my self in his place, some dirty talk would put me over the edge. Tell him how much you love that dick and he might blow earlier than you expect.

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u/InAMonkeyMood 16d ago

I've actually been here before. I can't say if this is the issue you guys are having but it did happen to me. Using silicone lube helped. I don't know enough to know why it worked, but it definitely felt better.

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u/Ok-Joke-915 16d ago edited 16d ago

There are a few factors mentioned which should probably be explored by a professional. Low libido and scar tissue sound like they could be fundamentally contributors to the situation. The fact that he last orgasimed with a partner when he was 14, his partners anatomy wouldn't have been the same nor lubrication etc (likely not certainly). Wonderful for you to explore vaginal exercises I would imagine they could bring you both pleasure but getting to the root of the problem would most probably give you both more satisfaction. Correcting testosterone levels can have a wide variety of quality of life improving factors. He also sounds like he carries sexual guilt with his own pleasure. A lot going on for him. Sex starts in your mind before any friction can solve anything. Before you go to an expert though which is sometimes an awkward discussion, have you tried the prone bone sex position, creates extra friction for a start.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

We have tried prone bone and it’s his favorite because it does make him finish every time. I do it for him when I feel up to it but it’s definitely my least preferred. Unfortunately when I was a teen one my exes had his way with me without my consent in that position so I have a hard time mentally when we do it. It really is like the most unfortunate thing that the position that my husband enjoys most is the one I have the most trouble with but I still do it for him when I feel I’m in a good place mentally and will be able to stop the flashbacks

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u/Ok-Joke-915 16d ago

I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very difficult to do that position.

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u/ICMTM 16d ago

Try multiple positions please. Certain positions feel better than others. For me a modified leopard in front of a mirror will get me to blast off quickly. Speaking of mirrors visual and audio stimulation is great also. Lastly enjoy each other. Don't worry about his orgasm as much. If he isn't cramping or tapping out of exhaustion he should be able to go longer? Turn the bug into a feature.

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All contributions here need to be constructive, thoughtful, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil, and respectful.

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u/Less_Representative7 16d ago

I’m on Slynd and it thickens cervical mucus super well. I think most birth controls do. You still get wet it’s just kind of less so.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

Unfortunately I can’t do hormones they make me extremely sick even at the lowest doses. I’ve tried like 5 and they all make me bedridden from lethargy

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u/Less_Representative7 13d ago

Have you tried slynd?

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u/Lelu_zel 16d ago

This is his problem, circumcised penis is not as sensitive as normal healthy one - which is why he has issues. You being wet is great to be fair as that’s lots of natural lubrication, he’s probably used to more dry “environment”. Deffo not you a problem.

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u/devo52 16d ago

No such thing as too wet. This is a him problem that he’s trying to push off on you. That he has a problem cumming during a hand job or oral supports this. Since he doesn’t seem to have a problem during anal, he probably has an anal fetish.

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u/Gigi-Does-It 16d ago

Doggy style with your legs together and his legs outside of yours or on your back with legs together, bent at the hip and calves resting on his chest/shoulders might help things feel closer and more frictiony for him. And maybe you could tolerate an anal plug, which would add more pressure for him. Might be better for you since the plug is stationary and the in/out motion can often be a bit much for the rear. It feels great getting double stuffed if you can get into it.

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u/HillaryRN 16d ago

He may have scar tissue, but he also might be masturbating dry and with a death grip. That ruins sensitivity.

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u/SmallWoodpecker5167 15d ago

Use a Buttplug while having vaginal sex. There is a big chance, it helps.

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u/implication-sofa 15d ago

If him pulling out for a minute causes such a difference in lubrication that is likely Not the issue. If it was you’d have enough that pulling out for a minute is fine. Do you feel him fully and find pleasure in it when he is inside of you? Or do you also not feel very much

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 15d ago

I feel him a lot. He’s bigger than average and I had to go to pelvic floor therapy when we started dating because I was so tight that sex was extremely painful and he had a hard time getting it in so it’s definitely not an issue of him being small or me being loose. It is very pleasurable for me but if I don’t have the natural lubricant and it dries up it’s very frictional and almost has a burning sensation for me.

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u/implication-sofa 15d ago

I saw your other comments and I personally believe this is a him issue. Likely some damage done by purity culture

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u/MurderSheWrote45 16d ago

Bro just used his hand too much and needs to chill out on it

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

He doesn’t masturbate often at all. Maybe once every couple months cause he’ll wake up with morning wood and want to get rid of it. I have a much higher libido than him so he knows I’m down to help any time

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u/SarahRose777 16d ago

Moat likely scenario is that he Iies to you, and I am sorry.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

He doesn’t have a reason to lie. I masturbate often and I’m very open about. If he was to masturbate more often i wouldn’t be opposed to it but he’s genuinely just an extremely low libido man and he unfortunately looks down on men who masturbate because he thinks it’s lustful and gross. I’ve really been trying to get him to work through that thought process cause I don’t think it should be shameful

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u/shewaslointhemorning 15d ago

Im just saying, my sister was married to one of those for a short period of time. He was the same way and for years she believed him. Then she came home at the exact right time one day. Turns out he was lying about alot. Just be vigilant friend I hope the best for you

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u/SANBLASTEDPANTALOONS 16d ago

This is not the only explanation.

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u/kasuchans 16d ago

Especially if he literally has scar tissue causing medically reduced sensitivity.

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u/SpicyFrau 16d ago

Your not too wet. He just sucks.

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u/rock4103 16d ago

Being too wet and not tight enough for an average male is a real thing! Yea yea, women wont agree with this but ohh well. You can do pelvic thrust to tighten up.

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u/oxford_serpentine 16d ago

Is there a chance that he is gay? I dont know one straight man that was shameful, Bible belt or not, about masturbation.

And a young 20 something man with low sex drive is strange to me. Does he have depression or anything else? Is he even attracted to you?

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

I’m bisexual, so he knows if he needs to talk about his sexuality my ears are open. He prefers not to label his sexuality cause he just doesn’t like the stress of trying to figure out what to call it and he really doesn’t care. He is attracted to cis women, and very feminine and female presenting trans women. Both with or without a penis. He has a particular attraction to trans women who still have a penis, but he is not attracted to men or anyone who looks masculine at all. I’ve asked him if maybe he finds such an attraction to them because of his anal fetish and he’s agreed that’s a big part of it. So yeah he might be considered a little gay or fruity or whatever but like I said I’m bi so I don’t have a problem with it. I did try pegging him once just cause I figured it might be something he didn’t know he was into yet, and he was very not into it at all. He is definitely attracted to me. He gets hard very quickly and easily it’s just the vaginal sex that’s hit or miss. But he also finishes within seconds from anal so it’s not an attraction problem at all.

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u/SarahRose777 16d ago

This guy has death grip.

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u/maryjaneshotboxxx 16d ago

Or try different positions also from someone that gets really wet. Never been a problem of them not being able to cum but from coming to fast or anal is a lil tighter or he really likes anal.

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u/LeoInSpace 16d ago

It's not just the amount of fluid but the type, it can be very slippery. Add in some kinky stuff to help him get there. As for being circumcised, it can be a bonus because he will probably last longer due to the lack of sensitivity.

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

Unfortunately he is very very vanilla. I’m into a lot of kinky stuff but he really just wants to have very very basic sex. And yeah he lasts a really longlong time time I can usually finish twice before he’s even close

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u/LeoInSpace 16d ago

Half of sex is in the mind, I'm sure you'll think of something to get him going....or cumming lol

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u/Bitter-Variation-151 16d ago

Close your legs and let me insert with legs closed.

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u/Vit_Dan 16d ago

Why don't you just use astringent lubricant to make yourself tighter and try to get it to finish inside?

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u/Sea_Blueberry6847 16d ago

I’m a little hesitant to try this since I already have had problems with getting micro tears from too much friction but never say never 🤷‍♀️ maybe this would be the best of both worlds since it’s still a lubricant. I’ll definitely look into it

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u/Vit_Dan 16d ago

In that case, before looking for which one to use, you could consult a gynecologist, right?

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u/specialsymbol 16d ago

See, when I have sex with someone who's extremely wet my trouble is the opposite of not being able to finish.. so it's a "him" problem, not a "you" problem

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u/mustafunzar 16d ago

The problem for you is dream for most men.

I can't find a flair that fits I’m too wet for him to finish