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u/TheBaronFD 2d ago
"This one died, so clearly it wasn't very good. Surely, the second take will be better?"
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u/Murky_Alternative166 2d ago
It wasnât very GOOD. That is too much of a value judgement.
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u/Happiness_isa_choice 2d ago
I am sorry for your loss
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u/PeachyFairyDragon 2d ago
Exactly. Unless you've lost your own kid and are prepared to talk about it, you don't understand. You probably don't know the father's religion. And kids aren't cookie cutter, one isn't a copy of another.
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u/Duderiffica 2d ago
I agree, best of the four options. The last one came close, would have had it if it started with âPfft,â Opportunity lost, kinda like that guyâs son.
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u/Level_Secretary_7354 2d ago
I am sorry for your loss.
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u/IDK_How_To_Human 2d ago
So you agree that it was your fault? I'm suing your hospital and everyone here for malpractice!
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u/Nursenana2013 2d ago
I'm sorry for your loss
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u/will-work-for-tacos 2d ago
What do you do when they tell you "What do you mean? This is great, Nnw I don't have to pay child support after the divorce"
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u/Murky_Alternative166 2d ago
While I canât begin to fully understand your pain, I am sorry for your loss.
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u/Candid_Novel_9494 2d ago
I disagree. The more words you add the more you give room for them being misinterpreted.
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u/jozzie92428 2d ago edited 2d ago
âIâm sorry for your lossâ is the ONLY answer. I had a stillborn just a few days before my due date. People said. âGod needed a little angelâ. âDonât be mad at Godâ. âYou can have another childâ. âYou will get over thisâ or âI know how you are feelingâ. ( if you didnât have a child die the day of birth or somewhere around there you do not know how I feel). I am sure that they all meant well but none of those helped me at all. Not sure that anyone could say anything that wouldâve helped me. But a simple âI am so so sorryâ. Even an âIâll be thinking/praying for youâ is better than any of the other responses. I even had a Pastor that went into a theological theory that all people who die will be 33 in heaven because thatâs how old Christ was. Whether a baby or 90 year old. Maybe he was just trying to help me thinking Iâd be worried about my tiny helpless baby being alone. But I wasnât worried about that. I was 25. I just stared at him and couldnât think of a response.
So my husband and I fumbled through the next few days mostly crying. What I remember most was the 2 friends of my husbands that came and cleared leaves from a basement window drain and shop vacuumed water out of our basement because at the time it flooded I was still in the hospital. My parents and sister and brother in law that drove over 540 miles to be with me during this. My mother who stayed 3 weeks to make sure I was alright after everything. My mother in law who cooked us some delicious meals so I didnât have to. Iâm just sharing all this because there are so many people who honestly donât know what to do. So donât think you have to say anything. Or say as little as possible. They donât want to hear about your horror story right now. Donât say if thereâs anything I can do just call. No one is gonna call. Show up. Bring paper towels and paper plates. Bring toilet paper and clean the bathroom and the kitchen. People will be stopping by so lend a hand without being asked. Everyone is different though so if you feel like you are imposing then go home. Write a note a sincere âmy heart breaks for youâ note. Send a door dash gift card. Be kind. Thanks for letting me unload. Itâs been 44 years now.
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u/shopgirl1061 2d ago
Iâm sorry for your loss truly. Thank you for your very thoughtful and instructive response as at times Iâm not sure what to do for others but now I see any kind gesture can help. Thank you really as I will be more helpful to others in the future â¤ď¸
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u/NoPossession6133 2d ago
I am sorry for your loss. It is not an easy thing to deal with. I also understand this all too well. My angel baby will be 15yrs on this Sept.19th. And ive had many people tell me these things. Someone even went on to say, "hes in a better place" I said to the person, "fuck you, better place? His place is here with me." Those who show up for me, by my side, even in silence, that means a lot to me.
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u/longlivepopuplights 1d ago
I'm sorry you're part of our shitty club. My son died on his due date. Thankfully I only had one person say "everything happens for a reason" but I've heard from a lot of other loss moms that they've heard that and worse from a lot of people. I can't imagine being someone who thinks saying "don't be mad at God" is the right thing to say to anyone.
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u/tamgam88 2d ago
I think this question is designed to weed out the type of person not well suited for nursing. I think I answered this as diplomatically as possible if you know what I mean. Bless their hearts. Not everyone is capable of becoming a nurse.
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u/velvet_dracula 2d ago
Damn cuh, that sucks frfr... On God tho.. weak die first, so it a blessin in disguise twin
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u/Own_Assistance_7659 2d ago
Lemme get this straight, the tests you have to take in order to become a nurse are this easy AND your allowed to have your phone out while you take it? This seems even easier than the cognitive test Trump bragged about "acing" 4 times as if it's some sort of college level exam, rather than a test for dementia.
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u/Wanderbreadboi 2d ago
We had a psychological portion of the course in my paramedic school. The goal was to teach people never to say things that take away from a family, among other goals. "I know how you feel", "I've been there", "it will get better"... They all minimize what someone is feeling. You tell them you're sorry, you say your thoughts are with them, and you move on. The reality is, most people want to relate to others. They have a shared feeling, a loss they want to tell the grieving family. They want to say, "I know what you're going through" or, "I lost my brother..." But that pain in hindsight is nothing compared to the loss the person is feeling at that time. Stupid question the way it's worded, but unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that would want to trauma dump on an open wound.
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u/not-awful-granny555 1d ago
As an ex-nurse and paramedic, the correct response is "I'm sorry for your loss ". It's sad that something like this has to be taught but not everyone knows how to human properly. Also- don't lie to patients - You aren't making them feel better it just causes distrust. Medical gaslighting is an abomination!
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u/Ars0n_arrow 20h ago
This was very similar to one of the questions genuinely given during an entrance exam for my nursing course at university
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u/Iraqimedstudent 2d ago
I am in med school so itâs not too far (medical ethics) and we have one who jokingly answered the prof âtrust the principle of survival of the fittest, sir, you have been blessed by this loss. He is a sign youâll get a better oneâ
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u/RightPedalDown 2d ago
I understand how you feel, I lost my sisters keys the other day. But donât worry, we found them 10-minutes later and werenât even late for her baby shower.
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u/One-Woodpecker-8424 2d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this terrible time. I'll be holding you in my heart.
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u/Lookfugly 2d ago
You can have other children is the best answer. Gotta choose the D in order for that to happen lol
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u/VixenLotus 2d ago
I mean I know the obvious answer but here's my take: when it's put in a question like this and it's expected of nurses to say things like this it comes off as the disingenuine. Saying "I'm sorry for your loss" feels like it loses its meaning even if they might mean it. Like today when my coworker was telling me he was having a hard time lately I almost instinctively said, "I'm sorry you're going through that" even though I know I would have meant it but I just couldn't say the words because it felt empty.
It's hard to explain this feeling because I do care but I want to find better words to express it than the most generic words people always say in those types of situations. I want it to mean more than "I'm sorry". Hell, even "I'm sorry" feels empty especially when people use it more for themselves than the person they're apologizing to.
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u/Shame-Greedy 2d ago
A and D
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u/Ok_Raspberry7430 2d ago
Absolutely not D. Nothing except A. D says "You can replace your dead child."
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u/Raggahmffin 2d ago
Nurse told my mom that when my little sister died of SIDS at several months old. "Not a big deal. You can have more kids"
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u/Individual_Arm_6651 2d ago
This reminds of when I worked at a VA medical center. The question was asking the lines of: "how should you deescalate if a patient is screaming at you" and I accidentally clicked: "double down and scream louder" đ I was laughing so hard
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u/wordtoyourmother8 2d ago
I know someone that lost twins (full term) in the 1980s. While crying in her room the mother was told by a nurse, "you can't be that sad, you didn't even know them"
Some people really are terrible.
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u/divergedinayellowwd 2d ago
Did you try unplugging it and then plugging it back in after a couple minutes?
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u/Heracles222 2d ago
A. 100% of the time. From a psychological standpoint you canât really say anything else. Two things in medicine. One, itâs a practice. Two, no false hopeâs.
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u/Plastic-Holiday-8040 2d ago
They missed the 5th option: "Think about how I feel, I just had to work a double shift because of this..."
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u/Exaviouri 2d ago
There isnt much you can say... .... as someone who has lost a brother (i was the one to find him) you can say literally anything you want and it won't sink in
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u/Professional_Copy947 2d ago
People think its stupid, but its actually kinda important. I know plenty of you have put your whole foot in your mouth before. This sort of question raises the example and provides a structured answer you can rely on instead of saying things you'll regret or could get you in trouble, legally or otherwise.
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u/Majestic-Citron7578 2d ago
I know what it wants you to say but there is no correct answer to that question.
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u/ntropy2012 2d ago
This question, while seemingly asinine, actually is meant to make you consider what you may one day have to say to a grieving parent. Nursing is NOT a profession for the weak.
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u/Ok_Community_8446 2d ago
I told my friend, who's a nurse, that our first child was stillborn and he said "You can have other kids". Took me aback.
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u/Cat_Peet 2d ago
My condoleances. If there is any way we can help/support you in these hard times, let us know.
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u/ShockHot1718 2d ago
Bruh, all responds sound bad.
I'd ask "how are you holding up?" The dude himself just witnessed the death of his kid, the nurse wasn't even around, and thr dude came to the nurse to say it? Bro searches for support, not generic pitty response.
I'm not empathetic, nor would i care, bc I don't understand how i should feel, but logically, if the dude came all this way to find a nurse to say it, he needs support.
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u/Eliszander 2d ago
I would actually say "I understand how you feel" as a father of a newborn who passed away about an hour after birth...
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u/These-Reputation2856 2d ago
Most better than what I got from a nurse when my son died. She asked me to go outside the private room the mother of my child was in. Said look you have to be strong here, you need to smile and laugh. She said Mother's have it a lot harder than Father's. The nurse took photos of me, my deceased son and partner holding him. She looks absolutely effing heartbroken and I have a stupid pathetic smile on my face. I'll never forgive the nurse for that.
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u/Spag00ter 2d ago
A is the answer. The other 3 have implications that could be misconstrued as rude when you deal with people from all walks of life. It's a very small chance, sure, but when someone is in that state of upset, the smallest thing could possibly throw them over the edge.
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u/MothBugs 2d ago
People are saying this is common sense but when my mother lost my brother while 3 mo. pregnant with me people did in fact say "well at least you have another on the way"
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u/TomatoComplete3332 1d ago
Please never use that as the headline for this kind of question đđđ
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u/HalJordan1993 1d ago
"now you can go on that trip you always wanted", "get a parrot. Same thing", "your son just died so... Titty bar?", "poker nights just got more interesting", "at least there's less of you in the world", "one down, two to go"
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u/Spirited-Ladder-9169 1d ago
One of my dad's jokes when I was acting like a supreme little shit growing up was "we can always make another one"
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u/Sebarial3090 1d ago
Lmfao my husband is in nursing school, he tells me everything about it and its A. Everything else is wrong wrong wrong
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u/Crafty-External7033 1d ago
1 or 3, depending on your personal experience and ability to provide empathetic comfort. But nothing helps, it's a tragedy that impacts you for the rest of your life
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u/Environmental_Cow_48 1d ago
Okay, so I'm atheist, but I kind of understand why someone would try to use the "there's an angel in heaven" line. They know that losing your child is horrific, but they also know that there is nothing that anyone can do to undo what has happened. So I feel like they say it not to say "its better this way", but just as a way to make you feel maybe even a tiny bit less of the pain that you're feeling. Still a stupid saying, but I understand why someone may be inclined to say it.
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u/KushFairyNy 1d ago
I say A or B. But I also feel it's a trick question and a mix of all 4 could be used if said properly.
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u/AnnualConference7695 1d ago
I'm sorry for your loss is the only right answer.
There's an angel is heaven is wrong twice. One, the person may be an atheist without a religion or have a religion that doesnât believe in angels/heaven. Two, that's not even biblical from a Christian perspective.
I know how you feel. -- No you don't. We never know how someone feels. At best, we can relate because we have been through a similar loss, but never THEIR loss. They may feel numb, when we felt sadness ir vice versa.
You can have other children. Uh, maybe they can, but... it isn't that simple. Some people try their whole life and never become pregnant. Other's successfully have one and can't have more. This one is the most insensitive of the choices, without any regard for the loss. It's like saying, "just get over it."
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u/runesoth890 1d ago
All 4 answers are nowhere near comforting, A is generic and no one wants to hear it, B is great IF and ONLY IF you are heavily abrahamic religious, C would only work if you had genuinely just gone through the same thing and the father was aware of that, and D is the obvious "you never say that" line
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u/EmbarrassedGur8986 1d ago
After our twin daughter passed away one of the nurses told us to appreciate the time we had and to look forward to the future with the our daughter.
It gave me âwell at least you had a backupâ vibes
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u/Reiji806 1d ago
Two answers are from BetterHelp counselors, one from a Christian, and the bottom one from a Christian Nationalist.
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u/longlivepopuplights 1d ago
The only correct answer is the first one, as someone who's son was stillborn at term. The way people should respond to that seems like it should be common knowledge but for some reason, it's not.
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u/pinkpuppetfred 1d ago
Whatever it is DON'T say you can always have more children. The only times my dad brings up my brother, he complains about people who say that
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u/Darren1jedi 1d ago
I'm sorry for your loss, this is a neutral answer. I feel for your loss, no religious or thinking how a person feels or a cold answer that it doesn't matter because you can have more children.
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u/HazySpeech 1d ago
This is like my learners permit test the other day. I had a question with a Do No Enter sign and the question was basically can you enter?
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u/Dangerous_Ad7080 1d ago
Bro i got a co worker who has had nothing but horrible shit happen to his family while were out on jobs. His father is hospitalized after suicide attempts and losing his leg to the betus. Then his son, not but a week later gets into a forklift accident due to faulty breaks and get his foot crushed off. They had to amputate his foot aswel just below the knee. I literally dont know how to talk to him about it when he brings it up, I pass him my pen and say sum stupid shit.
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u/AccomplishedSweet674 22h ago
Im sorry for your loss would be the only one thats used out of the sayings above.
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u/AggravatingNet2312 20h ago
You know what they say: first the worst, second the best, and the third is the golden bird.
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u/Vivid_Run4144 18h ago
"Clearly, you were vaccinated and your kid died cuz of it."
Only to antivaxxers. đ
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u/Bunnie_Rae 16h ago
âIâm so sorry, how will you like to handle the bill?â đ¸ I hate our healthcare system
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u/_-Gay-blueJay-_ 14h ago
A is the only one youâre both allowed to say and wonât get you kicked in the face
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u/BagginSaggin_Mary 13h ago
âYou can have other childrenâ obviously
P.s this is giving me like ptsd. I graduated nursing school over 15 years ago and I donât miss this bs. Eveything you learn is irl
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u/MooMyCoow 12h ago
If you're seriously posting this because you don't know how to answer the question THEN YOU CHOSE THE WRONG FIELD.
If you're posting this for any other reason, you're bored and you need to focus on your studies.
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u/Dumhaviir 11h ago
"Nothing i say will ever make this better for you, but your partner needs you now more than ever just as badly as you need them. Be there for eachother."
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u/writekindofnonsense 23m ago
Correct answer is "your wife sucks at having babies, wanna try with me?" Wink wink
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u/L00cyfer 2d ago
If this is the level of questions you're asked at nursing school then I feel concerned about the state of medical care in your country... I feel like my 8 year old with autism who struggles with empathy could get this right đ