Yesterday evening, I was at a cafe working on my laptop when three friends came in and chatted for a few hours. I noticed one of them and liked her. When they left, I stood up and followed them. I stopped a couple of times, stuck in my head thinking "I shouldn't do this," but I finally beat my overthinking.

She went into the subway station across the street, and I followed her in. She pulled out her phone and put it to her ear while walking. I said (in my native language), "Hi, good evening." She turned around, and I said, "My name is [name], I was at the cafe. Can we get a coffee together sometime?" She shook her head no with a slight smile on her lips. I said, "Okay, goodbye."

I was a bit sad for a minute, but mostly I was super happy. I paced back and forth in front of the cafe for 5-10 minutes just from the adrenaline and the feeling of victory from stepping out of my comfort zone.

Life is good!

So, I realized that I use this addiction as a way to numb all my emotions, whenever I fall back everything is just silent and numb for the rest of the day, both the positive and the negative emotions. And whenever I try to quit and make it to a streak of more than a few days, all those emotions reappear and the urge gets insanely strong, because I start feeling emotions normally again, and I fall back because I can't handle it. What am I supposed to do?

I've been trying to quit since I was like 14. It's been a little over a decade now, and I'm proud to say I did have a 3ish year stint away from porn. But during that time I really came to terms with the fact that I crave genuine, real connection. And porn/lust have consistently been a way throughout my life to run away from that. I come to y'all not as a man looking for a girlfriend, but as one trying to honestly work on himself, and not lose himself in waiting for the time where the right one comes into my life.

What do y'all do while single to stay mentally healthy about relationships when you aren't in one? I find myself being incredibly pessimistic recently, and I don't want to be, but my last date was like half a year ago lol.

I was very nearly triggered but I resisted. I've been sleeping better the last few nights because I didn't look at porn.

Man, how depraved can one get. I just found my old rubber cock sheath. I would wear this under my jeans and just cruise the mall and grocery stores. It satisfies the dopamine receptors but it’s so fucked up. Let’s keep getting better every day.

Currently 8 days porn free.

Does approaching girls in a club really count?

I don't think so. As with alcohol you're switching personality...

I'm making this post as I see many people misguided on what to do when they're experiencing an urge, as I was in my recovery journey. I remember before I began making much progress in recovery years ago I would follow the urges request on what it was asking me to do 95% of the time.

Urge asks to go spend money on a cam site > I'd be there credit card in hand in seconds.

It can be very difficult without any structure to stay on track when these urges can seemingly come out of nowhere. You find yourself making a quick excuse of "Just one more time", or "I'll just take a peak". Little did I know maintaining a structured approach can make your urges go from demands to weak requests.

1) Understand the urge:

Ask how strong the urge feels (0-10), why do you feel this urge (are you hungry, tired, angry, stressed... there's really countless reasons you could be feeling the urge), how does the urge feel to you (warm, tight, inviting...) and where do you feel it (chest, groin, throat, stomach...), and finally, what is the urge asking you specifically to do.

2) Surf the urge:

For context: urge surfing was developed by a psychologist in the 1980s which proved as a successful approach for those experiencing compulsive urges. It is now used today in DBT / ACT approaches to treat these urges.

This website highlights the process to surfing an urge: Key concepts of the technique | Urge Surfing

Review the process with your urges after you have understood the urge in step 1.

3) Choose a healthy next action:

Once you have surfed the urge you may have noticed the intensity subsided. If so, great! If not, that is okay too. The goal is not to make the urge go away, but accept you're feeling it and watch it.

Now, it is time to choose your next action. Reflect on why you're feeling the urge and choose your next action with intention to look to resolve any issues.

If you're lonely > call a friend

If you're tired > rest

If you're hungry > eat a healthy meal

If you're feeling an urge due to habit > break the habit with a new healthy habit (e.g. exercise)

And once you choose this next new action, act on it right away. Then you are ready to process the next urge when it comes.

I encourage you to try this approach if you have been finding it difficult to manage urges so far in your recovery. And once you try it let me know how it goes!

I’ve been my own record of 30 days now. I feel alright about, maybe relieved. I still masturbate, but not to porn, I feel like it’s the only way to help cope, feel free to add advice if you think doing some slippery slope stuff. Not sure if this is pseudoscientific but does anyone feel guilt after a while without porn?

Hi everyone, sometimes I wonder how is a healthy way to masturbate without porn, Im in my day 4

I haven’t watched porn and masturbated for a week, last saturday I was invited to a Birthday Party of a very good friend, who I‘ve known for 15 years. (We‘re in our twenties).
We all drank alcohol and his sister, who is usually treating me like a brother, got very touchy and she hugged me a lot, jumped on me, even putting her legs around me. There was also another girl friend, who is really attractive, but has a boyfriend.
What I‘m trying to say is, that this made me so unbelievably horny for the whole sunday and even today. Since I‘m single and don‘t have anyone, I‘m really struggling to not watch any porn right now:(. Advice would be Highly appreciated🙏🏼

It seems that it is almost impossible to find a porn-free community with a healthy attitude towards sex and masturbation, and that isn't fully of NoFap and religious shame/guilt. I am very sex-positive, including masturbation and exploring kinks/fetishes (provided they are legal and consensual). What I want is a positive community that can help me redirect my sexual energies away from porn and into healthier avenues; not repress them.

Does anyone know of any? I have mostly been looking on Discord, but am open to other platforms.

I (20) have recently decided that I have to put an end to this addiction. The mixture between ADHD and porn has been very troubling.

When I had a hookup, I wasn't able to finish properly. I tried finishing by masturbating but had trouble reaching the end. When it happened recently to someone I found really nice looking and with a very nicer personallity, I realized that I had something to correct.
I mentioned ADHD earlier. The reason I think I am very addicted, was because I could focus on the videos on multiple platforms and actually stop thinking about anything.

When I started my goal today, I really couldn't focus on my wanking. I was constantly thinking about literally anything else. It took me around 45 minutes to finish. The same thing happened in the hookup. So I might need advice and a way to get around 2 problems.

1. Having a hard time finishing (I think this happens over time)
2. Find another way to focus on masturbating.

Maybe someone has some kind of advice for me. I am not on ADHD meds yet, but even if I were, I wouldn't be constantly taking them if that's even an option. Only for things where it really matters
(My school - I live in Germany and do something called "Ausbildung". I have NOT found a word for it in english yet. I basically work for 6 - 8 weeks and then go to school for 2 - 3 weeks and that for around 3 years. Totally besides the point, lol)

I’m at day 23 but i won’t get sex for likely YEARS eben if i keep this streak uo because i’m just not jacked enoufh for women to want me and that takes too mich time so i just wanna go back and stop fighting because i need some sorr of sexual release and women just won’t want to give that to me. I havent yet but god do i want to

Im 18 and i really want to quit watching porn but I always relapse after a week or so and I dont know what to do the thoughts always just come and wont go away no matter what I do. I've been watching porn since I was probably 5 years old I think because I got exposed to it accidentally but I feel like its ruining my life and I want to quit does anyone have any advice

Hey everyone 22M, virgin never had a gf but had some makeout session and just at the last movement she denied

After that I actually had a break

But now it's from the last 4 years it's been like that a daily habits no matter how much I deny

My brain is rewired to crave sex and porn , I watch some really guilty stuff that I don't even want to (C#ckold stuff)

Even without having a gf , I am thinking if I stay like this I will never get a gf need real help to quit

Anything that can help me quit it and become a little normal and I can't live with guilt like this

Already feel like a loser

I need a way out thank you

Look, it’s ok. Nobody is perfect. You don’t gotta beat yourself up over “failing”.

Say you have been watching multiple sessions per day for years. Even if you make it one day without, it’s still progress. And if you fall into a sort of rut, again. That’s NORMAL. As long as you keep trying to make progress, that’s amazing and you should be proud of that.

Again. Say you’ve been watching 4 times a day every day for years, even if you move it down to 1 time a day, still progress. I believe that this is what this subreddit is designed for, support in any way. If you agree with this statement or disagree, feel free to let share your opinion.

I sometimes remember porn memories. Is this normal?

First weekend down and feeling good, I don't want to get overconfident but it feels good seeing progress after taking things seriously. I know ups and downs happen and I have a lot to learn, but I'm going to keep doing my best!

About 6 months ago my wife caught me watching porn. This cycle has been recurring throughout our marriage but this time felt more severe and like I really had a problem. I quit and with my marriage feeling rocky and no pornography to numb me my mental state dive bombed. I ended up going to a mental health hospital for a week and continued daily therapy for a month afterwards. I haven’t relapsed since then but the last few days have been hard. I tried to switch my medicine with my doctor and it’s been disastrous. I don’t feel anything but despair and hopelessness, like God isn’t real, and my loved ones are destined for dark sadness, despite being a Christian, I just can’t feel it right now, and I’m really wanting porn to numb the pain.

.

Hi guys. I have quit Porn, and it feels like a World of Wrong things rather than Freedom of Expression.

I'm glad I quit Porn. Hope the Porn World is much more regulated, for those who are still in to it.

I've been trying for a month or so to quit, and this time I want to push through. I will give regular updates :)