r/manprovement • u/Opposite_Leather2824 • 13d ago
No direction or fulfilment in life.
Life as it is right now feels disappointing, I feel lonely. I don't know what to do i picked up a guitar in hope it would fill that void, but it hasn't. Everyday i say no fap but here i am doing it once again and then a few days go by and then I go again and I've had enough i just don't know what to do.
I try to go gym most days im in decent shape for my age, I've started trying to get back into football again training on Thursdays and Saturdays and moved gym around it i try occupy my time as much as possible but it never feels enough it never feels like im good enough for anything, my life, my face, my body, my fap streak just comes tumbling down and I just dont know what to do.
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12d ago
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
Like goals?
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12d ago
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u/SamoTheWise-mod 12d ago
I think a great cause is fighting wars, haha, instead of fighting in wars.
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u/thegreattrun 12d ago edited 11d ago
Hey man. I left this comment on another thread a little bit ago and thought I'd share it here. I hope this helps in some way:
Write down your goals and inch toward them as many days of the week as you can. Whether that's working out, making art, investing in your hobbies, your people, whatever it may be, make sure you visualize it somehow and then act on it. People underestimate the power of small steps. Everything compounds over time if you're willing to put in the work. For example, if you play guitar for 10 minutes a day every day, you'll be a lot further along by the end of a year than most people. It's good that you're already thinking about the future and where you want to be. Not everyone does this and kinda lets life happen to them. Good for you, bro.
Some other things to consider:
- Get an electric brush and floss (hit this shit twice a day).
- Drink more water. Refill your bottle first thing every day.
- We should teach this to young people, but have your holy trinity (i.e., a subject that you like that will parlay into your full-time job, an athletic focus, and an artistic outlet). The holy trinity. Work on all of them all the time.
- To build off this last point, look into the 9 types of intelligence. Honestly rank yourself currently and figure out what you want to work on more. It may just be that you want to max your strengths, but at least be aware of what you're not good at. Maybe you work on those in the future.
- Work on your mental health. Focus on how you talk to yourself and build the reps to be able to stop negative thoughts. You may just have to get off the couch and pick up a kettle bell. Whatever it may be, work on this like you work at the gym. I'm trying to figure out how I can relay this to younger people, and I'm going to use analogies to attempt to explain, but this is what it is: You need a third person. Your body is A, your mind is B (you could switch these), but in your mind, you need a "watcher." Like a fuckin' umpire or non-crooked NBA referee. This person needs to be watching your thoughts at all times. You'll slip and let shitty thoughts loose for too long, but be able to catch yourself and redirect your thoughts. "Almost slipped up there." "Slipped there for too long." The whole point of this is to get better at it over time so it becomes an autopilot type of behavior. These are travel violations, double-dribble violations, etc. And you're committing them! Don't be harsh on yourself for having them, just be sure to redirect them into something positive. Start with redirecting one negative thought at a time.
- Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Straight bars in this shit. Read more in general. Read Ishmael by Daniel Quinn (my favorite book).
- Kindness doesn't equal niceness. Make sure you have boundaries and that people in your orbit respect said boundaries. Make sure your woman respects you. She ain't worth it if she doesn't.
- Don't forget the sunscreen.
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
I really appreciate you replying back and sending this advice, working towards goals shortly after I posted this reddit thingy I wrote up some goals and I am going to follow them and like you said small steps make a long progress in the way and I have to work with my patience for that, I dont understand what you mean by 'the holy trinity' bit confusing aswell as dont forget the sunscreen lol😂. Im gonna save this as there is valuable information and I love the fact your going out your way to help younger guys like myself I really appreciate it and some of this advice is so simple and right in your face you dont actually realise it lol
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u/thegreattrun 12d ago edited 10d ago
That's just it, bro. Normally when we're young (I'm an old man now at 39), no one really tell us this stuff. You also need to find the right folks making the right content, which can get murky with all of the Jake/Logan/Tate types out there. Small steps are how you climb a mountain.
As for the holy trinity thing, it's just have one thing that you really focus on getting good at in those three areas: physical movement (a sport), art (drawing, guitar, painting), and then a school subject that could lead into a career (science, math, English). The key thing is to try at each of these and keep trying. Obviously try other sports, art forms, and subjects, but make sure you have your main ones identified. Look into the YouTube channel Charisma on Command. Also check out AlphaM. His name may be a bit cringe, but the tips and advice he shares are actually quite good for young people.
And you got it, bro. One day at a time.
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
Yeah I will do bro I'll have a look at there youtube channels, as of now im getting back into football or gym you could count as athletic then guitar and then I write poems I suppose could count?
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
And the 9 types of intelligence, whats that?
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u/thegreattrun 12d ago edited 11d ago
Keep in mind that it's a theory and not without criticisms, but it's at the very least a good way to level up your stats.
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u/masonbarrett77 6d ago
You’re probably doing better than you think. You’re going to the gym, getting back into football, and trying new things like guitar. That’s not someone doing nothing with their life.
I think the biggest problem is you’re expecting one thing to suddenly make you feel fulfilled, and when it doesn’t, you take that as proof that something is wrong with you.
I’d stop trying to fix everything at once. Pick a few things you can control and build some consistency around them. Train. Keep showing up to football. Spend some time on the guitar even if you suck at it right now. Get outside. Talk to people. Give yourself actual goals to work toward instead of measuring your whole life by how you feel that day.
And don’t let one bad day or broken streak convince you that all your progress disappeared. If you mess up, you don’t need to “start over.” You just keep going the next day.
If the loneliness and feeling like you’re never good enough is getting overwhelming, talk to someone you trust about that too. You don’t have to figure every part of this out by yourself.
You already have some momentum. I’d focus less on finding the one thing that fixes everything and more on building a life you’re proud of piece by piece.
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u/SamoTheWise-mod 12d ago
No fap sounds like a practice of self-loathing for you. Why do you do make that a virtue for yourself? Does it actually help?
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
I seriously don't know there is no reason, its just my brain hammering away at me to do it
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u/SamoTheWise-mod 12d ago
Your brain is saying "I'm sad, in emotional pain, and porn and masturbation feel good, so do it to escape some of that." That's a problem for reasons other than the nofap people say-- it's not about testosterone or semen retention. It's that it's part of a shame cycle, like an alcoholic who uses alcohol to escape but then hates himself for drinking. You think your sexuality is like alcohol. But your sexuality is good. It has value because you as a person have value. The addictive nature of porn is empowered by the shame. Remove the shame and the whole fight is deflated.
Identify your actual problems- self loathing (the way you talk about your face, its the same demon as the shame you feel about masturbation), and maybe depression, and loneliness.
I doubt you're ugly, but an ugly person who loves their body is happy and the ugliness is irrelevant.
Sex can be a solo activity, know yourself and use it to love yourself more. Turn that libido into a force for good, not shame.
Loneliness is solved primarily by friends. A lover is nice but friends are a basic need.
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
Thank you, I understand it a bit better and realise I have to identify my problems and tackle them head on and a lover wot satisfy loneliness
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u/SamoTheWise-mod 12d ago
It sounds trite, but counseling or therapy are amazing if you can afford it.
Yeah, a love-relationship will be much healthier if you already have a good group of friends. No single person can/should be your source of happiness.
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u/Opposite_Leather2824 12d ago
Your completely right, I appreciate it alot for the help, wise words of other people really help question your own actions and thoughts and help
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u/newme3323 12d ago
I wrote a post like this the other day. Nobody really knows what to say.
Remember that your fap habit is an emotional coping mechanism you developed. As you work on handling the emotional issues, the urges to fap will be easier to control.