(I posted this a few minutes ago but it got removed because I included a link to the song upon request — I'm sorry, mods!!!!)
I've dabbled in many different artistic mediums, and have been producing instrumental hip hop for the better part of a decade. But I've never rapped until now, and while I think what I recorded was pretty good, there's this strong internal judgement I'm making of myself, because the idea of an upper-middle class white guy deciding to start rapping at 40 feels parodic and embarrassing.
The thing that's always tripped me up is what to rap about. The rap I enjoy tends to be about subject matter that doesn't actually resonate with me on a personal level at all. I love hip hop that's about the street life, the rap game, drug dealing, and so on, but the idea of ME rapping about that stuff, even as an alter ego, feels deeply inauthentic and just wrong.
But then the TV show Scandal, of all thins, inspired a solution. The idea of being a gangbanger doesn't appeal to me on any level, but the idea of being an elite mover-and-shaker, a fixer who lives in the shadows and pulls the strings, does appeal to some part of me. That's not a life I want to live, but there is a LITTLE part of me somewhere that thinks hey, that'd be really fucking cool. It's similar to how I feel watching heist movies.
So I built a song around that theme instead. And it was SO fun and satisfying. Strictly from the level of craft, writing bars plays to all of my strengths: It's all about rhythm, vocabulary, articulation, wordplay, and the creative use of language. I love that shit. And in contrast with screenwriting, it works well with my short attention span, because you can just write four lines at a time as opposed to mapping out a story arc over the course of 100 pages.
I have no idea what I'm going to do with this. I'm still rapping about shit I have no experience in, and I wonder if the best way to put myself at ease would be to create and release any rap I make under an alter ego. And the idea of creating an alter ego is actually kind of appealing to me, though also completely foreign.
Anyway. I would love to hear anybody's thoughts on this, especially if you've struggled with self-doubt the way I am.
EDIT: Wow, I really didn't anticipate getting this much encouragement. You guys are awesome, for real, thank you so much for your tips, encouragement and perspectives. What a great community.