r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/DanteThePunk • 4d ago
How do i stop caring about what this important person thinks of me?
I'm in university and working on my thesis, i have two tutors. One of them really doesn't like for a reason that i cannot discover. He was very important since i really like his teaching and classes and as someone i have read all of their books. But for all the years i've known him, he has never seeked out to talk with me. Has ignored all my e-mails, even some really important ones, in which i really needed help with my thesis. He is important as someone that i really admire, care about and that i can't really scape from because he tutors my work and is basically one of the few people in the university that researches my topic.
My relationship with this person has forever been one sided. In social situations i've seeked him to talk about various topics, but he either doesn't reply or actively leaves the conversation.
Anyway, i'm in need of ways to boost my confidence into being ok with being disliked by someone i admire.
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u/aways_interupting_ 4d ago
Since he never responds, ignore him in every way you can. Once it's apparent someone does not want to talk to you, stop talking to them unless you absolutely have to. To me that is self respect.
It's great that you appreciate him academically, but personally disappear him. Separate the work and the person, you admire the work not him.
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u/Low_Mango_6030 4d ago
I can’t say for certain, but most people in this position see their own younger selves in people like you, and it either frustrates them or makes them feel uneasy. Either way our first reaction is “there is something about ME that people don’t like”, and while that’s a possibility, it’s only one possibility while the others may have nothing to do with you
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u/sasslafrass 4d ago
Start by recognizing the difference between admiring this persons work product and admiring the person.
This person could be the leading expert in their field, but they also are bad at the job they are actually being paid to do, tutoring you. They are failing at one of the most fundamental aspects of being in academics, teaching, mentoring and tutoring the next generation. Their reason for ignoring you is irrelevant and can be summed up simply as petty, spiteful and malicious. You would be wise to view them and their contributions with suspicion.
This person is sabotaging the academic progress of a student your institution has invested years and substantial resources in, you. By sabotaging you, they are also sabotaging the institution. They should be reported to the institution. This person may be well suited to research, but is incapable of being responsive to, responsible to and responsible for teaching. They are ill suited for professorship and hopefully never gets tenure.
Admire their contribution to their field, but the person making those contributions is not worthy of admiration.
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u/DanteThePunk 3d ago
Thank you. I will take your comment to heart and make it actually happen. I won't report him, because he is a great tutor to all of his students except myself. Honestly, I'm looking forward to just ignore him and stop admiring him, like you said. I'm lucky that my other tutor is an amazing human being and an amazing teacher.
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