I was talking about being demisexual, and a guy said, "I think my wife is demisexual – she never wants or thinks about sex."

Personally I have a very strong drive. In our sixties, my wife and I are having more sex than most couples less than half our age. And back in the day, oh my.

I assume demis range from nearly asexual to horny all the time.

I've never had a problem being seen nude. I don't get off on it; I just don't care. In a locker room or medical setting, I have no issue being naked.

I've had the being-naked dreams, and when I realise in the dream I am naked, I am not embarrassed. I just wonder if I am making others uncomfortable.

Is this common for demis or is it something else?

I’ve been meeting a lot of other women and men who constantly talk about an@l s3x and it makes me insecure. I feel like I’m not as cool just because I’ve never wanted to try it. the thought of it grosses me out and scares me tbh. my ex husband years ago would try todo it with me but it was too painful for me.

anyone else feel the same ? also are there any men that don’t care for it ??? does that exist

I was just curious to see if anyone can relate:

While creating sexual fantasies in my head, I have to include an emotional attachment backstory before any intimacy happens in order to actually get turned on 😭 or I can only sexually fantasize about the last person I caught feelings for even if I don’t talk to them anymore :(

I got bullied so badly by a group of older teenager boys as a teen that I had fearful avoidance I became scared of people in general due to this I didn’t if some people were genuinely or not and had a tendency to push people away to protect myself. I’m still recovering from these issues as an adult. But I’m trying to look to the future instead of my past it hasn’t been easy but I’m glad to share it with you all and sometimes talking about iwhat’s on your mind helps

Has anyone had a familiar experience?

Referencing that one meme lol

Does anyone have attraction that comes in phases? I can have sex with someone once I feel like I “know them” as a person.

However, I may not be able to stay aroused for long or be able to do certain acts because I don't have a deep enough connection with them. For me, it's less about time together and more about whether I feel this person knows me as much as I feel like I know them. Do I feel secure in this relationship?

Same thing in the other direction: when the relationship goes bad, I gradually start losing attraction. 

I have found it difficult to “keep it up” with most exes because I felt like they were into me because of my looks, or how I made them feel. Sometimes I could sense they struggled with intimacy in general, so I couldn't connect with them enough to feel sustainable attraction during.

I’m also on the aromatic spectrum. If I don’t develop romantic feelings for a person, there’s like a barrier to how sexually attracted to them I can feel. Which is most people I have dated

Before this realization, I just used to engage in sex because I felt like that was expected after a certain number of dates. I would do things I really didn't want to because of people-pleasing in general. Sometimes I still do that because it feels awkward to say, " Hey, I am only attracted to you enough to do xyz but not abc

I have a bf and everytime we take it to another level i feel anxious, like "I'm not supposed to do this. Calm Down." or "I can't do this" but at the same time i feel the butterflies in my stomach and how hot the room feels, but i just can't. And this is just with him, but i've know him for a couple of years (we were friends before dating).

About this time that we were only friends i had an ex bf that was... quite quick at this matter, so we've done a lot of things but never had sex because i had the same problem has before, but this time the limit was very far away. The thing is, everytime we did something i was like "Oh, ok. I don't feel nothing at all." But i kept going because he was doing the same (and the first time i did those things it was with my ex, so i didn't really knew what i was doing and let him lead the way).

I just think there's something wrong with me, sometimes i feel aromantic bc i think never really liked all of them, other times i feel assexual bc i never felt anything at all but then i thought i could be demisexual, and on top of that i find girls and boys (and every gender) attractive, but idk... i don't know who i am or if there's a label to it or if i just need to go to therapy or if it's everything at the same time.

Does anyone have similiar stories or any advices? Please?

I'm in a gay relationship, and, well of course I only feel attraction towards my partner. But I feel like there is something wrong...with me, bc sometimes he talks about hear me outs (all of them are fictional characters, pixels, not actors or celebrities, so they're not real) and I feel...like there is something wrong, with me...because of how I feel and how I feel attraction and sexual desire, I don't want to ruin my relationship and I really don't know what to do.

Hi. I am a 44F stuck in a loveless relationship with a narcissist. My story is sadly deep, so before you judge, remember that you don't know it all. I recently realized that I am not broken or a freak,but I am just a demi. I am looking for someone to just talk to and get to know. No judgement at all. I am lonely and feel so invisible in this world. I am not looking for sex or to jump into a new relationship. I just want to chat, feel alive, feel human and not so lonely. If this resonates with you or you're just bored, hmu. No one knows the future.

There have been a lot of questions about how many people identify as being on the asexual spectrum, and my older sibling ran across this from UCLA posted yesterday, so I figured I'd share it here. This was posted as part of their bisexual visibility month, and we have many demis who also identify as bisexual.

Now, mind you that there's some overlap, especially for demis, but I think it helps give folks some idea of the split of the community, at least for the USA.

Still, there's a ton of good data at

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/ if people want to explore it.

I've started finding for myself that it typically takes a longer time for me to start to develop romantic feelings for someone but most of the women I've been out with expect some sort of spark the first time meeting me. Are most people who are demi like this? Or do most know the first time meeting someone if they would pursue a romantic relationship with them?

Since I was 15 i was sure about being demi, and I still kinda feel no sexual attraction for unknown people physically, with the exception for the casual fictional character-

What happened is that now, 3 years after I committed to a serious relationship with the total love of my life I noticed how easily I fall in love with people... I mean, I already knew I was kinda polyamorous but this is just stupid. How can I be head over heels for some random guy- or worse- a friend. Things got worse when I started to notice how high of a libido I have and the poliamory idea started beating my old perception of myself to a pulp.

Now I'm just confused and kinda sad, I don't really know who I am anymore.

I mean, I know I love my partner and I know I feel so fucking attracted to him in everyway possible but seeing the urges I have for being intimate with some people(mainly taking care of them and being close like iam with my partner, like, fisically contact and emotional bounds) makes me fell so guilty-

+ The freaking banger! My bf said he's totally fine with us having this kind of relationship with one of our mutual friends, he even said that he thinks it might be cool for us to do something more sexual together... AND NOW IM PANICKING- I mean- I want it, I guess?? no. Yes. I want it. It is hot as fvck. They are hot as fvck.- but this is breaking me. I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel... So, any advice? Help? Please??

Sorry if my English is weird, I'm actually Brazilian and English is my second language, so it is rough to translate my feelings.

Also, I don't know if these things are important for context but I'm 22 F. My bf is 19 and our friend is 20 M- I was pretty sure my partner was full hetero, at least that's what he told me so(maybe demi too by our rare conversations about the subject) but I guess he's not so much anymore? Our friend is clearly bi, totally, no excuses, he brags about it to anyone that would listen to like it is the most important thing in his life- he's so cute. Arghh **they** are so cute. I'm crying.

Hi there, so I met someone on a dating subreddit and they responded to my post where I mentioned i'm demi sexual. So we were talking for a week or so and our connection has been pretty strong up until the point we started talking about porn. She told me that I can't be demisexual if I watch porn, and she got upset that I "didn't do my research on the label before using it." I am really confused and saddened because I was sure I understand what demisexual means.... so please can someone tell me if i can still be demisexual if I watch porn?

Backstory: I have been in one relationship with a man that ended in 2018. As far as I remember, there have only been a few people I have crushed on in my life, and each of those times, it was because I knew them and began to get feelings.

Present: A new woman just started working at my office, and the first time I saw her, I was surprised at how hot she was! I do not say this lightly because this has never happened to me before. I have looked at people and thought "wow they are esthetically pleasing to look at," but thats it. With this new coworker, every time I pass her cubicle, I stare at her when her back is turned.

It feels very strange because I feel like I am sexualizing her, but this must be how allosexual people feel like all the time??? It's so strange.

All that is to say, I now know what gay panic feels like.

I keep wondering if I’m demi or not. Maybe just have some of the traits?

I can find people attractive and fantasize about them, but that’s not enough for me to engage in any kind of sexual activity with them. I also have a high libido and I’m hetero, and enjoy sex a lot. Though, I only truly enjoy it within a committed and loving relationship, aside from masturbating.

In order for me to enthusiastically sleep with someone and actually enjoy it, I need both mental and emotional connection, safety and trust + I’ll have to find them physically attractive and I do have a type for the most part. Both physically and mannerisms, though there are rare exceptions I guess.

Every time I’ve slept with someone without a connection, I felt horrible. I’ve always ended up feeling lonely, regretful, uncomfortable, and it wasn’t really fun, and so I’ve stopped doing that all together.

I don’t necessarily need a label, but I know that dating is very hard for me and that a lot of people (men in my case) are not very patient to continue putting in the effort and consistency to build a connection and trust and are looking for faster gratification.

Dating just seems easier for others I’ve seen around me. :)

Did any of you guys experience a desire to kiss a person before realizing you had romantic feelings for them? As in, no, I'm not in love with them (more than likely on my way to it) but I'd like to kiss them and, preferably, more than once?

I find all people (but one) whatever/weird looking. Because of this, I can't understand my own features which may or may not be "attractive". I at best look at conventional rules such as symmetry or eye separation or so on (although it's confusing since many of these things don't look good). It makes it very confusing for me if my partner calls me some kind of compliment on my physical attributes. Very confused. As though a large glowing "?" appears above my head. I think about probing further but I also don't want somehow them to start second guessing it...

I guess that is to say if you either find yourself as attractive or that you look better than any other person (excluding your actual attractions) what about you makes you think this way? Are you just looking at these weird online rules about particular shapes and sizes and differences? Or what gives?
Thank you.

I went on a date, and challenged myself to not do anything or feel pressured to do anything that I didn’t want or feel like doing.

And I did end up spending the night, BUT I only slept next to him. It sounds silly maybe, but to me it was a big win. I’ve been scared of going on dates because I know it will take time getting to know them before I feel like I want to do anything sexual with them, and I confronted it head on.

I felt no sexual attraction in the moment, and I didn’t freak out like I usually would, I just let it be like it was without excusing myself or over explaining. I’m just really relieved I faced it, and I do really like this guy so I want to keep figuring out if we’re a good match. And to me, this is a big victory in me accepting myself and putting myself out there.

I’ve always just though I was pretty typical but I’m realizing maybe am more sex avoidant then most people are or even demisexual! The thing is though I do have crushes on celebrities and fictional characters but it’s usually only after being exposed to enough of their work to kind of “know” their personality. Like there are some I just find really cute/am attracted right off the bat but I don’t actively fantasize about them and also I know there’s no risk of ever having to actually act on it. But the idea of having actual sex with a real life person even if he looked just Leonardo DiCaprio would be terrifying because it’s still a stranger. I’ve never had sex and and not to be too graphic but there’s only been three people who I know in real life who I’ve actually pleasured myself to. I know I also have trauma from going on lousy dates and having had my parents try to pressure me into dating guys I didn’t like. I fell in love with another woman about a year ago and my parents gave me such a hard time about it and did everything they could to ruin our relationship so I know that that has made me pretty bitter towards sex and relationships too. She was probably the only person in my life who I truly wanted to be with romantically. Like most of the times when people have returned my feelings it ended turning me off but with her it just felt like a dream come true. She had to move back home for a while but we are still in contact and even though we’re not actually together the thought of being with anyone else just makes me so sad. Long story short does all of this sound like being demisexual?

https://youtu.be/E9VG82JA1NQ?is=fuMCVTtQMlyY9Hwq

I was watching this Venn diagram referring to that video and realized that it’s just impossible for me to imagine the B in the Venn diagram. It’s pretty much non existent for me. I need to have emotional attraction in order to experience B. Do all the demisexuals agree on this? I want to hear your thoughts.

A: rare
B: non existent
C: common
D: extremely rare (unicorn)

I don't even know if this has to do with me being demi. Maybe I'm just fucked up beyond repair.

I know demis can be poly, I can't. I don't watch porn, I "don't see" men. Men are humans. Not men, like the gender I'm attracted to. I've never been attracted to two men at the same time.

If I love you, I only have eyes for you. And I want the same love back. I don't want to *force* someone to be like me. First of all, people doing things to impress me and not because of their free will turns me off for some reason, and second, I know you can't force thoughts.

I'm trying to avoid using the demisexual label when explaining my feelings to allosexuals. When I explain this to them, they call me insecure. Tell me if I am but...

If I love you, I'll throw you a birthday party. And I hope you love me enough to throw me one too. Not because you feel like you owe me, not because I ask you too, but because whoever you're in a relationship with, one of the ways you express your love is by throwing a birthday party. So when you love me, you only have eyes for me.

Does this make sense to you?