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u/Transasaurus-Hex 22h ago
That's what my tongue tastes like
You know, it's my fault for being able to read
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Itās unfortunate that Iām only able to curse the eyes of democrats because the republicans canāt read
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u/burrito_butt_fucker 21h ago
If Republicans could read, they would be outraged that they bamboozled Trump with an adult woman.
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u/Felwyin 21h ago
Also would rename filet-o-fish tongue-o-trump
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u/Joey-WilcoXXX 18h ago
Megyn Kelly would be tripping over herself to haughtily tell us off and how it wouldnāt be a big deal at all if he did assault a 14 year old because itās 14 and thatās ānot even that badā or something.
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u/Epsteins_PDF_Files 20h ago
I don't know what u goddamn Demonrats are saying, but I disagree with it
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u/BuckThis86 19h ago
Damn democrats making Trump have sex with underaged girls. I knew it was all their fault to begin with. /s
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u/CatmoCatmo 22h ago
Well, Iām quite certain Iāll never be able to look at a McDonaldās menu again without puking in my mouth a little bit.
The whole āfuck you through the hole in my diaperā, though? Yeah unfortunately, thatās my fault for having eyes.
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u/Kriss3d 20h ago
Hey Siri. How much bleach to pour into my eyes to make me forget that I saw this ?
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u/AttackOfTheMox 20h ago
I thought that was the worst of it⦠until OP put these words in this specific order
> Iām gonna fuck you through the hole in my diaper
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u/IridescenceFalling 19h ago
Yeah, no, I just fucking opened reddit, what the hell?! That is beyond twisted omg I'm grossed out.
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u/ferretchad 20h ago
Great, I like fillet-o-fish. Now that's going to be in my head next like.
Hmm like snogging Trump
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u/FlyingDogCatcher 19h ago
Snogging might be a generous word. I was sort of imagining the scene where Jabba licks Leia as he was saying this
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u/RockDoveEnthusiast 20h ago edited 11h ago
I made the same mistake.
I was concerned about child literacy rates, but because of this comic, I'm now concerned in the opposite direction.
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u/LuigiTheTweak_eth 22h ago
Lmao petition your local government. This comic is hilarious cause it takes a very real issue to a logical conclusion that still makes no sense whatsoever.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Thank you, man, Iām glad you enjoyed it š
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u/DesireeThymes 20h ago
Enjoying an all the wrong ways unfortunately.
This is actually our reality right now
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u/Shigglyboo 19h ago
that part is too real. a rapist is destroying society. well, we have to let him do it for a few years and then talk about it.
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u/_NautyByNature 22h ago
I miss the days when absurd comics were just absurd and notā¦ā¦ā¦jarringly real.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Honestly absurdism doesnāt really exist in the context of trump
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u/Aethelrede 22h ago
If an updated version of Swift's "Modest Proposal" was published today, there are people who would genuinely think it was a good idea.
Reality became so absurd it killed satire.
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 21h ago
Our conservatives' standards sunk through the bottom of the ocean fast. Dangle a little power in front of those predators and they'll lie, cheat, rape, commit treason and steal their way to achieve it.
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u/an0mn0mn0m 17h ago
Always has been this way since Narcissus looked at his reflection and said I'd fuck that.
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u/Malagate3 21h ago
They would think it's Taylor Swift's "A Modest Proposal", and then we'd get an album about selling children as food, the critical reception is mixed but it goes triple-platinum anyway and we all agree the choreography is exquisite.
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u/joyesthebig 19h ago
Do you see the correlation between the new beef and the disappeared immigrants?
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u/Malagate3 19h ago
That's the title of her single from the new album. The radio shortened it to "New beef", also the music video introduces the new hit dance move called "into the mincer".
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u/Demmos_Stammer 20h ago
If anyone had written a drama or, more realistically a comedy, about Trump's presidency, just 20 years ago, it would be decried as being too absurd
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u/neopod9000 20h ago
Isn't this why Veep ended?
It was supposed to be political satire, but then the actual news headlines kept outdoing them.
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 20h ago
Well, that and Selina Meyer being president was sort of the climax of the show's arc. There wasn't much further to go from there.
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u/Embarrassed_Bid_4970 21h ago
The fact that not-the-onion is an actual thing is testament to this.
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u/joyesthebig 19h ago
Yeah but ... we set up prison camps for Ice detainees that have disappeared to "equador" and we introduced all this new beef. Its soylent green baby!
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u/darkoblivion000 21h ago
A congress that will stand up for people and make laws that help people feels more and more absurd these days. Or specifically one party
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u/Gregggggger 21h ago
I think thats why this comic felt so unnerving It might be a joke but its not far from how reality is slowly becoming
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Who should Chris try to catch next?
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u/dothemath 22h ago
Oh, Chris is in Gitmo at this point.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Iāll see him there
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u/GlimmeringGuise 22h ago
Bold of you to assume he wasn't "accidentally" shot dead by ICE in the street immediately after this
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u/ViceroTempus 20h ago
Naw they don't have to make him go that far anymore. The camps are inside the country, now.
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u/Tenalp 22h ago
We need one where Elon's sad that everyone else was caught by Chris and nobody invited him.
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u/Rough_Willow 21h ago
Mitch McConnel, where others desperately try to convince Chris that Mitch is actually alive.
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u/XanderNightmare 21h ago
Besides all the real life people mentioned, it would also be hilarious if he accidentally baited another predator hunter, in the ultimate predator hunter stand-off of the ages
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 20h ago
Or just⦠predator
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u/The_Frostweaver 22h ago
He should be trying to catch price andrew, but then he comes accross Howard Lutnick, who is desperately trying to get his pants on while claiming he is just there on family vacation
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 21h ago
Prince Andrew is a fucking trip. His trial was like a Nathan fielder sketch.
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 21h ago
The Trump Cabinet!
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 21h ago
I miss the first administration when the trump cabinet was just goofy cartoon bad guy grifters instead of the umbrella corporation
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u/STATICinMOTION 21h ago
The fillet 'o fish joke reminded me of a realization I had the other day. I don't know why, but I found myself wondering 'why McDonald's?' There are tons of junk fast food places it could have been. So why? It's not like he loves it because it's quintessentially American. He's proven he hates America. And it can't be because there's nothing better out there. Then it hit me.
It has his name in it. That's it. That's as deep as it goes.
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u/Arnumor 21h ago
I.... But.... Hmm.
This really made me lean back and wonder how I'd never noticed. I think you're probably right.
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u/Doctor-Dinosaur 18h ago
This makes too much sense for my mental sanity.
What a fucked up timeline.
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u/Leoncroi 16h ago
Its also why he equates crazy people to immigrants: they seek "Asylum" and he doesn't have a grasp of duality/nuance to understand that a word can have two meanings. Asylum to him is a "crazy person hospital" and not "seeking refuge."
He truly is as simple and dense as they come.
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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 9h ago
It's also why he said the CHIPS Act was giving money to transgenders. He heard they were making transistors in the US and thought "transgenders."
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u/P-Rickles 15h ago
OH MY FUCKING GOD. YOUāRE RIGHT. Youāre absolutely right. I fucking hate it here.Ā
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u/New_Red_dit_sucks 17h ago
Oh my god...that's got to be it. His mother was Scottish, too. I don't know why I didn't make the connection.
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u/EverythingWhomps 16h ago
I figured itās because theyāre accessible in every country he spends time in (although McDonaldās pulled out of Russia over the Ukraine invasion)
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u/Nikopoleous 15h ago
That theory has legs. I bet going to one when he was a kid is the only fond memory he has of his childhood.
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u/MetalSonic_69 20h ago
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 20h ago
Damn, uncharacteristically poignant Reddit comment
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u/Spanish_Galleon 16h ago
uncharacteristically poignant screengrab of a Tumblr comment.
sorry. ftfy
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u/ConstantSolid1088 16h ago
We have a neighbor who has exactly this condition (malignant narcissism). These ppl are much different from most people you know, and once you see see how reality doesnt really exist for them in the same way, it becomes glaringly obvious when people like the president also exhibit those traits.
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u/SiwelTheLongBoi 22h ago
Isn't this kinda why they stopped making the show? They kept catching government officials or police staff or something
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
The whole end of the show is wild, they caught a local community leader and then, instead of luring him to a safe house, they just showed up to his actual home, where he promptly shot himself
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u/GregTheMad 21h ago
Ended on a high. Pity.
My lawyers tell me that I should add that the previous two sentences were a joke.
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u/Suvtropics 16h ago
I was gonna add something but yeah let's not get this account banned
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u/Klusterphuck67 20h ago
Never actually watch the show, but damm that's mindblowing.
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u/MurderSheCroaked 20h ago
Sounds like this show should've got 10 more seasons, they started something great
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u/ours 20h ago
No need to lure him. The pedo worked in the local court. They could have waited for him at his place of work, after the metal detectors, and captured him with near-zero risk to anybody.
But nah, had to build up the drama for the TV and pressure the police to come in blaring at his home.
All involved are bastards: Chris, the police, and of course the pedos. Only in America do TV audience metrics come before better policing and justice.
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u/jehovanie 17h ago
Actually according to Chris himself, the Cops didn't want to wait for another time and rushed in themselves, resulting in him not taking the chance and shooting himself in his car. His sister subsequently sued to keep his story out of the news as it would make him look even worse, and so NBC cut the show.
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u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 17h ago
The most sacred value in the USA, is the value created for the shareholders.
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u/Mildly_Opinionated 21h ago
Not why it ended (basically ended because of suicide) but yeah it turns out lots of cops are pedos.
Pedos often go for positions of power where they're trusted or likely to be protected. Cops, Religious leaders, government officials, cult leaders etc. To a lesser extent teachers, that gives them lots of authority over kids and puts them around kids but they aren't given that protection that comes with the other positions. Especially male teachers tend to be punished pretty severely whereas cops and pastors tend to get away with it a lot.
Narcissists also get into these positions for similar reasons of power over others and community trust, but more out of a desperate desire to be thought highly of moreso than protection from consequence.
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u/Logical_Bumblebee617 21h ago
I think it's more that people in positions of power can act on these impulses knowing/thinking they won't get caught. There are a lot of pedophiles who never act, because they're ashamed or afraid of their disease.
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u/Mildly_Opinionated 21h ago
Ooo that's a good theory as well, do you know if there's any research into which one of us is correct (could be both?).
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u/Logical_Bumblebee617 20h ago
I think it just comes to the old adage that power corrupts, and people who dwell in the circles of power often comment that it doesn't, but it reveals. Because you're free from consequences, and only your moral sense is left to hold you back, a lot of people show they don't have a ton of it.
Dan Savage had a few segments about what he called "gold star pedophile", people who are genuinely attracted to children/young teen and who seek help and treatment so they won't act. He explained that awareness campaigns are very important to help them, and that the laws that mandates therapists to disclose to the police for example are bad, because they force them into hiding where there are more likely to one day act.
So no, as far as know, it's mostly anecdotal research. Considering the sensitivity of the topic, I'd be interested if any scientist has been able to perform a study with a significant sample.•
u/Willrkjr 20h ago
I mean, I think a big part of this mentality is assuming itās a ādiseaseā. There are some for whom itās some sort of āconditionā they actually need to resist, but I would argue these āclinical pedophilesā are the minority and the vast majority of children predated on by adults are by otherwise completely typical men who are given the opportunity to predate on young people, in a circumstance that they feel they can get away with it.
Like you said most people capable of doing this probably donāt act like it, bc they are too concerned with the ramifications of their actions. But I seriously disagree with the idea that 1. Most predators are like āclinicalā pedophiles and not just opportunistic, and 2. That the reason they might not act is shame or fear of a disease, rather than the fear of the shame/suffering they will experience when caught.
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u/Much_Strawberry_6671 17h ago
Sort of like how a lot of prison rape is not because of gay men but is more about power and humiliating and dominating another man.
These predetors are getting off on the idea of hurting someone and ruining their lives and of course their own power in the moment.
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u/manofwaromega 20h ago
Iirc they caught a governor and in response he blew his brains out on live TV. One hell of a series finale
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
For more of this crap slop check me out at Instagram.com/mygumsarebleeding
Or Patreon.com/mygumsarebleeding
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u/Winjin Comic Crossover 22h ago
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Lmaoo, thereās something about the 4chan board ui that really makes jokes land harder
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u/DirtyAmishGuy 21h ago
I think weāve been conditioned to see terrible things said or shown on that UI so when itās funny or wholesome, itās really funny or wholesome
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u/Wang_Dangler 20h ago
To me, it's the list of all the responding posts. You know that someone just said something truly fucked up when immediately following their comment is a wall of numbers signifying all the people who thought WTF?!
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u/AnArgonianSpellsword 22h ago
Not crapslop, qualityslop, prettygoodslop
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u/OrdoMalaise 22h ago
Great work.
It's an allegory... but also not.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Haha thank you. Yeah itās an allegory that also 100% could have already happened
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u/hwaite 22h ago
"...through the hile in my diaper." Now I can't get that image out of my head. OP is the real criminal here.
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u/SWatt_Officer 18h ago
We are at a point where if you say āThe president of the United States is a pedophileā the argument isnāt āno he isnātā itās āso whatā.
We are so utterly fucked.
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u/ranmafan0281 22h ago
This comic made more sense than the stuff I see coming out of the US right now. Mate I think you need a few more brain worms to take back the title of Absurdist comic artist.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
inhales brianworm, renames California to camerica
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u/joblessandsuicidal 22h ago
It's sad when I couldn't tell if this is a satire, a retelling or even just your usual absurdist humour
Keep up the fight, the people must not forget
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u/Z3R0Diro 21h ago
Inaccurate. Trump can't make coherent sentences over 5 words long.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 21h ago
I was thinking the same thing, heās so hard to write accurately
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u/APence 20h ago
No side tangents about ballrooms or arches or renaming the house House America? Sorry just not believable enough for me.
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u/JunkmonkeyZr0 19h ago
No no, he becomes more coherent if she's under 18 because his blood is pumping.
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u/Own-Cranberry-8210 21h ago
Am I the only one who couldn't laugh at this? It's too accurate to be funny. Truly well done.
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u/FearOfABlackPotus 14h ago
I was hoping for a fantasy where Hansen nails Donny but the comic had to stay real.
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u/black_metronome 22h ago
I'll never look at a filet o fish sandwich the same again
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
I once read this article detailing trumps day to day diet and now I really canāt look at any McDonaldās food the same
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u/dracorotor1 22h ago
I once ate a McDonaldās cheeseburger, and now I really canāt look at any McDonaldās food the same.
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u/Outofwlrds 20h ago
I can't decide which is more nauseating, the fillet o fish tongue or the hole in his diaper line. Either way, I feel like I need to scrub with a lot of soap. You've outdone yourself with this one.
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u/eeveeplays50040 22h ago
It's funny cause Chris Hansen recently got banned from Roblox live.
CEO of Roblox has ties with trump because the CEO donates money to the White House.
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u/DrButtgerms 19h ago
That tracks... Doesn't roblox have a pedo problem that they refuse to fix?
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u/queen-t92 16h ago
Somebody correct me if I'm wrong because my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I can't help but feel like I recall Roblox corporate actually just flat out saying they're not gonna do anything about their pedophile problem because the pedos spend a lot of money on their platform.
Though it doesn't even matter if I'm wrong about a Roblox suit saying that outright, because it's super fucking clear that's the reason why they won't do anything about the predators using their platform.
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u/punkindle 20h ago
A reporter asked Melania "has anyone ever asked you about the president's erectile dysfunction?"
Melania said "it's never come up before"
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u/Vision9074 20h ago
The only thing better than reading this once is following on multiple platforms and reading it multiple times.
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u/Swimming_Ninja_6911 20h ago
Yeah, so that's the state of our government right now.
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u/Josephcooper96 21h ago
Disgusting how accurate this is since the epstein files did nothing when released
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 21h ago
We were lubed up for inaction by the Panama papers and the first two impeachments
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u/Life-Suit1895 22h ago
The "foamy diet coke" bit took me a second...
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
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u/Life-Suit1895 22h ago edited 22h ago
That's not how you wash your face.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
When searching āDiet Cokeā I found a surprising number of people doing this joke
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u/Nocturnal789 20h ago
Worst part is how scary this is to the real thing. "Grab em by the pussy" okay, "38000 times on the epstein files" fake news, "insurection on January 6" no problem. And worst is, think no one in power wants to stop him.
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u/Scourge_beast124 18h ago
So goofy that people will say trump was 'against epstein' the entire time and then you see trump had like double the photos with epstein compared to bill clinton or the prince....combined
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u/WifesPOSH 17h ago
And you hear him say "In a few years I'm going to date [that 10 year old girl].
Or when he said that he'd date Ivanka "if he could"... The hosts were so weirded out. That was on TV... On a broadcasted network.
The whole "grab them by the pussy" was about pageants, many of which featured underaged girls.
He was found liable of rape. That means the evidence was so substantial that the jury said 'he probably did it, but this is a civil suit as the statue of limitations has passed'
But this whole Epstein thing is a hoax. It's why he won't release it.
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u/BarracudaAlive3563 19h ago
Well that was deeply upsetting. All the more so because itās a pretty accurate depiction of how people will bend over backwards for that filth.
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u/freeashavacado 21h ago
Some of the most vile sentences ever constructed were written here. Great comic
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u/nerdytryhardboi4p 22h ago
I love that this got 200 upvotes in the time that it took me to read it. Rightfully popping off lol.
BRING DOWN THE TYRANNY, THE ONLY TRUE KING IS THE MACHINE GOD. PRAISE THE OMNISSIAH.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
Haha me too, sometimes the political stuff gets brigaded by bots and watching the upvote ticker go from like 100 to -1000 in a second is a trip
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u/jocax188723 16h ago
ā¦..remember when ridiculous satire comics didnt have a 50/50 chance of happening next week
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u/DontSleepAlwaysDream 20h ago
This comic portrays one of the most frustrating things about the whole Trump thing. The fact that so many people agree that whats happening is bad but is like "I dunno I dont have authority here so I guess we have let him do it"
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u/crooked_cat 22h ago
How does one create this ..
Brilliant
Thank you for a loud laugh.
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u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding 22h ago
I was having major doubts with this one and almost abandoned it multiple times haha
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u/ez_noah 22h ago
It's funny cuz it's true
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u/Hadochiel 21h ago
It's not: the part when he says what he plans to do is proof.
He can't fuck her through a hole in his diaper because 1) he can't get it up anymore and 2) it was never large enough to poke out of a diaper
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u/FamilyDramaIsland 20h ago
As a Canadian, the absurdities of how they suggest countering trimp really reflects how it feels watching Americans say they can't stop their president, lol. This is great
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u/Speedmeat 18h ago
It's interesting that this attempt at an exaggerated version of Trump is more coherent, honest, on-topic, non-insulting, and even compassionate than the real one ("You won't be scared").
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u/vidoeiro 21h ago edited 14h ago
Trump wouldn't stop because she is 18th, he a pedo but not exclusively, he a pure abuser of most ages
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u/simplycantdeal 17h ago
"Fake news, ai, where's the girl?" Has to be the most perfect encapsulation of the absolutely maddening contradiction that we're all currently witnessing.
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u/StewieCalvin 21h ago
Your comics are usually very funny but this time you really managed to outdo yourself. Great work, it's hilarious.
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u/comics-ModTeam 14h ago
MAGA mad.
MAGA sad.
MAGA report! Report will make bad content go away! Comics must never satirically express the truth about the orange criminal! Truth bad! Truth ouchie in our bumbum :(
Pls truth go away š š š
Pls