(Infrequent poster, so forgive any poor reddiquette. Also CW/TW for SA)

Hear me out. I (22F at the time) went on like four dates with someone, and then he stealthed me. It was a huge violation and I cut him off. Looking back, I wish I'd reported him. I, of course, got myself tested and the clinic said "we'll call you if anything shows up." They never called, so presumably I was healthy.

Then Covid hit. Like many, I was laid off. My entire industry shut down for months, and I couldn't work. To supplement my meager unemployment check, I began using this site where I could sell used panties and other products online. My primary regular was a guy who paid me $60 every two weeks to send a small jar (think cosmetic product sample size) of my collected discharge. Gross, but $60 is $60. This continued for several months until I landed a new job.

Two years later I started dating someone new. As any safe person would do, I got myself tested soon after we first were intimate. The test came back positive for chlamydia. I was so confused. The new guy had also not dated since before the pandemic and he tested clean (thank goodness). Where could it have come from?

I ended up calling the clinic I visited after my SA. They said that the original test had showed up positive for chlamydia and they NEVER CALLED ME. I had sent infected products all over the country for MONTHS thinking I was doing so safely. AITA?

P.S. After a brief antibiotic treatment, I'm disease-free and have remained that way since (shout out to condoms and frequency testing). I still feel sick about it though, and I probably always will.

My partner 25M and I 22F have been on and off for like 7 years now. He is allergic to cats and really dislikes mine. To be fair she can be really moody and hard to read for someone who doesn’t spend any time around cats.

Anyways, I had my partner over for the first time in a while last night and everything was smooth.
This morning my cat was scratching on the side of the bed, he out of nowhere sits up really fast and slams his hand on the bed to scare her, idk it just felt overly aggressive to me, he could have just asked me to get her to stop if it was bothering him. Later, he’s twirling his feet under the blanket and my cat pounces on his feet. He promptly gets up and says he’s leaving. Okay, no problem. As we are going down the stairs my cat is standing in the way of the stairs, instead of shooing her with his foot or asking me to grab her, he charges down at her very quickly and aggressively. I immediately said NO that is not okay. I walked him downstairs and opened the door, I said I love you and it was nice to hang out I will talk to you later.

He then proceeds to insist on talking and telling me she’s just a cat and it didn’t harm her and I’m overreacting. Me personally I think someone she doesn’t know (he never comes over) being aggressive to her is extremely harmful and will only make her more scared of people than she already is. He says that I choose the cat over him and I treat her like glass (seemingly just because I don’t let him treat her that way?) I just don’t want my pet to be intimidated by my guests. It’s not okay.

By the end of his spiel about how my cat doesn’t matter I told him fuck you and slammed the door

Am I the asshole?

I (31f) dated this guy (34m) for a little over a year before breaking up a few months ago. In the time since we’ve broken up, obviously we both started seeing other people. Well, a few weeks ago, we reconnected and decided to give things another try. We were single and still cared deeply for each other so it felt like the right decision.

Well, last night, I was over at his place for our first sleepover since getting back together. Everything was easy and fun, almost like nothing had changed between us. However, about halfway through the night, there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was his neighbor, he goes to see what they wanted. I was on my phone and didn’t notice who he was talking to but I did notice he went outside rather quick. After about 15 minutes, I get nosy and go to check on him only to see that he’s talking to a woman and the conversation seems to be very intimate.

When he came back inside he explained that it was this girl he was seeing while we weren’t together. Okay, not a problem. None of my business. BUT he claims that he hadn’t talked to her in weeks and the last time they talked was him breaking things off with her. If that’s the case then why would she just show up to his place after weeks of no contact?? It doesn’t make sense.

He wouldn’t give me many details but what he did give me isn’t adding up. So….do I reach out to the girl and provide her clarity while also seeking my own? Or do I leave things be and trust that my boyfriend is telling the truth??

Context for the people who are messaging me and telling me I’m “too old” to be this dumb/immature/whatever and flat out insulting me:
We’re not actually in our 30s. I didn’t feel comfortable posting our real ages because both he and our social circle use Reddit and I didn’t want this post to lead back to me so I changed some very minor details — like our ages — to try and maintain a level of anonymity.

So I (24 female) have endometriosis and am having a laparoscopic excision surgery in a few months. I have always had extremely painful periods and have never been able to talk to my dad about it since he says it’s “girl stuff” and gets grossed out. Him and I have a rocky relationship since he does not listen very well and doesn’t respect emotional boundaries with my mom or I. He always says I don’t love him whenever I tell him no or set a boundary for my own wellbeing. (I am fully aware this is not healthy, I am in therapy lol)

This is a very brief background but trust me when I say he wants to help but won’t listen to what we say we need and does his own thing. I was very clear I did not want him at my surgery and had been clear from the beginning about this. He said he wants to be there the day of to make sure I’m ok and I am trying to compromise by letting him be there just the day of. My mom is coming and staying for 2 weeks while I recover but he was supposed to fly out first thing the next morning. Even when I tried to talk to him about the surgery he didn’t want to know because it makes him “uncomfortable”. So I don’t want someone there who can’t even name female reproductive organs.

Now here is where he crossed the line. A week or so ago my mom called and told me that my dad is staying another day and leaving the second day after the surgery. I immediately broke down in tears since I am so stressed and nervous about this. He completely disrespected my needs and only did what he wanted to do. I told him he needs to change his flight and he said ok but I just don’t trust him.

Since he already went against my wishes once. I’m tempted to tell him he can’t come to the surgery at all. But then he will say I hate him and threaten to leave my family and would probably take it out on my mom emotionally. We have a very complicated relationship and dynamic, I do love my dad but he was very neglected and abused in his own life and doesn’t understand how to be there for someone.

Before anyone says it: I am not cutting out my dad completely, I am in therapy, my mom has it worse since I live in a different state and she only confides in me, I still love my messed up family but I am working on setting firm boundaries without feeling like a terrible daughter.

What do I do????

So for context my(F27) friend(f25) and her family (m26&m2) got evicted due to her bf losing his job and them not being able to pay rent and are now living with me and my family(m30&m8) rent free. I have ADHD so I make a menu for the week so I know what meat to take out in the morning and what fresh groceries I need to buy for the week. I keep a minimal stock so that no food goes to waste. The issue is they buy all kinds of produce while I’m at work and don’t regard the menu or ask me what I might need since I do all the cooking. Since they’ve moved in all 3 of my freezers (2fridge freezers and 1 deep freezer) are full and my fridge is constantly filled with food It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort but I had already bought groceries typically on Saturday or Sunday and they still go and buy more stuff which takes up a lot of space In the fridge and goes to waste and I can’t stand that. Some of the stuff I try to incorporate into my meal plan the following week but I’d say about 75% of it goes to waste which bothers me having to put that much food in the compost pile or trash. If they were cooking and utilizing the food it wouldn’t be an issue. I ask them every week when making the menu if they want to cook at all or if there’s anything they would like me to make they always say no. I want to add I don’t mind doing all the cooking since I love to cook especially for others. I just hate seeing all this food go to waste and I especially hate throwing away other people’s things because technically it’s not mine to throw away/compost. I want to tell them to stop buying random groceries since they don’t use it but I also don’t want to be super controlling.

My parents drove up last minute for Labor Day weekend to visit my aunt and uncle. I got a same-day invite to meet up, thinking my aunt and uncle were actually expecting me. Nope. Turns out I was completely uninvited dead weight... the classic black sheep of the family.

We went to a restaurant to sort of celebrate my mom being cancer-free and the holiday. I wasn't really hungry, but I had a drink and ended up paying my parents bill just to do something nice. What I didn't know was that this was turning into a full bar crawl. I had a beer here and there over the course of the night, and before I knew it, I hit my limit at four drinks and a shot. Thankfully, at the very last bar, I switched to water and just sat there for 30 minutes, starting to sober up. We had all driven separately, and eventually, they wanted to head back.

While we were out, two guys wouldn't take no for an answer when hitting on me. I finally had to pull out a picture of my boyfriend and his kid, pretending he was my husband just to get them to back off.

The worst part? My parents, aunt, and uncle said their quick goodbyes, told me to "drive safe," and left me alone at the bar. How could they just leave me like that?

Luckily, I went next door to another restaurant to drink some coffee and give myself time. For the record, I wasn't out of hand, and I had a solid backup plan ready my boyfriend was on standby to come pick me up so we could grab my car the next day. But after waiting well over an hour and having some coffee, I tested myself with a breathalyzer I had won as a Christmas gag gift. It read 0.01%, so I was completely safe to drive.

Even worse, those exact same guys from the bar followed me to the restaurant and sat right next to me. I was so deeply uncomfortable, yet I forced myself to keep smiling and be polite because I didn't want to cause a scene.

I am so damn tired of being nice all the time. I'm tired of being a 28-year-old woman, still desperately wanting a healthy mother-daughter relationship that will probably never exist.

I can promise you this when I have my own kids, I don't care how old they get whether they're 21, 55, or 75 years old, if I'm still kicking around, I will always protect them.

​I feel so alone in this world. I want my own family, but my circle is so small how can I have a healthy relationship, and how can I trust people when I'm surrounded by toxic ones? All I have left is me, my bf, and my best friend. That's it. No one else. I always envisioned my life being like Full House, but dreams are just dreams.

​I just feel so heartbroken by my mother once again. I have secrets I could spill, but the past should stay in the past for once.

​What do I do?

My BF M32 of two years told me F30 that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore.

My heart is breaking and im crying typing this. Im so hurt and sad. We’ve been together for almost years our anniversary is next month. I would say that this is the best relationship I’ve had. I feel like I was high on love for the past year we’ve traveled together, he is a great guy. Our initial problem was he likes to drink with his friends a lot and I dont. We fight over the time he promises to be home, he’s usually late but recently Ive come to terms that thats just who he is and ge hangs out with childhood friends and uncles so it finally registered to me that he’s only having fun and Im okay with it now.

3 weeks ago I found out he watches porn a few times a week and jacks off. The anxiety and feeling in my stomach is unbearable. We talked about it and he says he can stop and its not an addiction and I believed him.

Prior to me knowing he watches porn and even at the beginning of our relationship I was always the one with higher sex drive. I understand libido can decline for me at 30 and for women at 30 it’s just starts going up from there (but Ive always had higher sex drive ever since) We started from having sex everyday to 3 times a week to 2 and now if Im lucky once a week.

Watching porn aside he is a great partner. He is considerate, affectionate and caring. I’ve never felt loved the way he did. I learn from him that intimacy isn’t just about having sex, he truly made me feel like he loved me bcoz I know he does.

Anyway, when he got drunk a few nights ago he blurred that he isn’t sexually attracted to me and he doesn’t understand why, when he watches porn he gets turned on but to me he doesn’t. I haven’t even initiated sex in a weeks any more because I worry I dont make him chase it or the feeling of chasing it.

Im broken hearted but tbh I dont have the courage to leave yet. I know the best thing to do is cut my losses but he isn’t a terrible person, i have a hard time accepting that maybe we aren’t good together. The worst part is im starting to feel insecure. Please give kind advice.

PS: Sorry for me English its my second language.

Hi everyone. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and just felt the need to actually write about it somewhere. I (24F) started listening to two hot takes right when they started. I had never listened to podcasts before, but I saw their reels online and loved the idea of hearing reddit stories through them. Back then, I was going through a terrible breakup with an ex. I was heartbroken, and it took me about a year to truly get over it, maybe longer. I had dated some guys even before him that treated me pretty badly. I didn’t really know that what they were doing was so unacceptable until I got a bit older and started listening to Morgan and Justin especially. They’d always talk about standards, and tell those writing the Reddit stories to rethink their relationships and it really made my standards get so much higher. I stayed single for a long while after my breakup, over 2 years. And I refused to date someone new, unless I believed they truly had every single quality i wanted in a person, and I was 100% certain they would treat me right. I found that person, he is wonderful and we just celebrated 4 years together. He makes me laugh everyday and every day, I am certain that he’s the one for me. I truly think it’s all thanks to the podcast. If it weren’t for them raising my standards, I would’ve been dating someone else who wasn’t treating me right from the first date, because I wouldn’t have known much better or what I deserved. So yeah, that’s all I wanted to say. I still adore the pod and listen every week! I truly thank them for how they helped me in my personal / love life ❤️ have a nice day everyone! Xx

First time posting on Reddit, so bear with me lol. I love you ladies and your podcast—it gets me through my work week, so thank you!

I'm a (28F), and my younger brother (24M), "Zedd," is at the center of my dilemma. My ex (28M), "Dopey," and I grew up together through church, so our families knew each other long before we dated. He became close with my brothers, especially Zedd, while I became close with some of his siblings.

Our relationship lasted several years, and honestly, it was filled with family drama. We constantly lived with relatives, roommates, or siblings, and there was always some new conflict. Early on, we shared a tiny apartment with his sister, her husband, his younger brother, and eventually one of his older cousins. That cousin would constantly run between Dopey's sister and us, stirring up drama while pretending to be everyone's friend. We didn't realize she was playing both sides until things completely blew up. After that, his sister (I'll call her Prissy) separated from her husband, moved back in with a new boyfriend none of us agreed to live with, and the drama somehow got even worse. Looking back, I spent a lot of the relationship sacrificing my own comfort to keep everyone else happy.

By the time COVID hit, our families had pressured us into having a wedding neither of us really wanted. We went through with the ceremony, but somehow never got around to signing the marriage certificate. That's where the whole "fake marriage" comes from—everyone thought we were legally married, but we never actually were. Looking back, that was probably the biggest blessing in disguise. To everyone else, we looked like a married couple, but behind closed doors, we were really just two friends trying to force a relationship that wasn't meant to be. I guess in some states we'd probably be considered common-law married, but either way, we kept acting like a married couple while ignoring all the signs that we shouldn't be together. And for some reason, every time Dopey came up with another wild, life-altering idea, I let myself get talked into it when I really should've just said, "Absolutely not."

For example, Dopey convinced me to move to another state. I asked Zedd if he'd move too, and he agreed. I was hesitant, but I made the budget, found both apartments, paid both security deposits, rented the U-Haul, and helped Zedd and me line up jobs before we even moved. Basically, I did everything I could to make the move work. The deal was that Dopey would be home more often so I could finally focus on finishing my degree. That was the whole reason I agreed to move.

That didn't happen.

He was an international truck driver and stayed gone for weeks at a time, leaving me alone in a brand-new state where I knew no one. Zedd lived nearby, too, but he was finally getting to enjoy being independent, and I didn't want to lean on him too much.

Whenever Dopey came home, he'd spend most of his free time hanging out with Zedd instead of helping around the apartment, even after promising to do simple things before I left for work. I wasn't upset that they were friends—I just wanted my husband actually to act like my partner.

When I told Dopey how lonely I was, his solutions were... interesting. First, he suggested we become foster parents after living in the new state for less than two months. Then he wanted me to quit my job and travel with him in his truck full-time. I eventually gave in because I felt like every plan I had for myself had fallen apart anyway. I figured I'd at least try it once and spend time with him. I told myself it would be like a fun road trip.

Girl... bye.

Traveling with him ended up being the loneliest I've ever felt. My days consisted of sleeping, reading, or staring out the window while he drove. He was almost always on the phone gossiping with one cousin or another, especially Prissy, while I just sat there feeling like an extra in someone else's life. I'd left my job, my routine, and any sense of independence behind to spend time with him, yet somehow I still felt completely alone. Looking back, I think that's when I realized I had built my entire life around someone who wasn't building one with me.

Not long after, while we were still on the road, he sat me down in the truck and said we should separate. I agreed because, after everything, I realized we had been pretending to have a marriage that never really worked. Four months after moving states, I was separated, unemployed, and trying to figure out my life from scratch. I also had almost another week trapped in that truck with him while I was on my period, which is something I wouldn't wish on anybody.

Thankfully, things got much better. I was able to live independently for almost 3 years; it was the best feeling ever, and I recommend it to any young woman able to do so. I found a good job, started a hobby that still makes me money today, learned to enjoy living on my own, and eventually moved back to my home state in 2025. I'm now with an amazing man who's basically my best friend, and life is wonderfully quiet.

Now for the reason I'm here.

During the second year after my breakup, Zedd told me one of Dopey's younger cousins, "Kay," was interested in him. I thought it was odd because she'd known Dopey and me for years, but only became interested after the breakup. Later, I found out Dopey had actually encouraged her to pursue my brother because he thought they'd be a good match.

They started dating and are still together.

Zedd eventually moved to Kay's state, where my ex and several of his family members also live. So now my brother is not only dating my ex's cousin but is also surrounded by my ex's family. Meanwhile, he and Dopey never stopped being friends. When Dopey came back to town after our breakup, he'd even stay at Zedd's apartment.

I'll be honest—that hurt.

I never expected my brother to hate my ex forever, but it stings that they're still so close after everything. It hurt even more because Zedd would complain to me about Dopey while still maintaining their friendship.

Recently, my mom mentioned that Zedd told her Dopey is "there for him more than I am." Apparently, he said, when he calls me, I rarely answer, but Dopey always does.

I should probably defend myself here because that sounds awful.

Literally nobody gets me on the phone. Not my mom, my grandma, or even my boyfriend. My family jokes that you'd have better luck sending a smoke signal because I'm always reading or working on my art. Texting me first is the easiest way to get a response, so this isn't about me not caring.

I love my brother, and I'll always be there for him. I guess what I'm struggling with is whether I'm holding on to resentment I should let go of. When we do speak, which is very little now, I feel as though I can't really talk to him like I want because my ex is peaking around the corner listening lol. If not, my ex, Zedd, is dating Dopey's cousin, so maybe she knows more than I would like her to. I don't know, maybe that shouldn't matter, right?

Should I talk to him about why his friendship with my ex still hurts me? Or should I accept that he's happy, let things stay low-contact, and move on?

I don't even know what outcome I'd expect from the conversation, which is why I'm so torn.

I think this person needs help understanding how seriously they need to leave an abusive partner.

Yesterday it was the birthday of a coworker, Lucy. A day earlier me and another coworker Irene, were planning her birthday like where we were gonna take her to lunch and etc, we invited our boss Jack and he said we could go to his house and he would make a bbq. We agreed and decided we would surprise our Lucy and just tell her not to make plans for lunch and drive her to Jack's house.

For context in his house he also manages another company, so theres always people there. He said he would buy everything for the bbq and we would just have to go.

Irene has a sister who works in the other company with Jack, and she told her that Jack invited everyone in that office to the birthday.

We know Lucy is a private person and we were unsure wether tell Lucy about the surprise and let her decide the plans.

I spoke to her on the phone and told her everything and she said it was our decision (she has some kind of trouble deciding, in almost every aspect) finally she said she felt we were introuders because the other employees who we don't know (except for Irene whose sister works there) and it would be basically kind of weird, but she started to worry about Jack saying she didn't want to reject his invitation and I told her it was her birthday and her decision and we would do what she wants.

At the end we ended up going to lunch and she really loved it because we went to a new place she wanted to try. (Irene talked to Jack in the morning and respectfully declined).

Today, a day later, Irene and I found out Jack is upset because we didn't go to his house and said we left him with the ingredients and that he would never invited us again. We thought cancelling on him wouldn't be a problem because the day before when he invited us to the bbq, moments later talked to her again and proposed to change the plans to go to his house after work and had some drinks, so we thought he got cold feet about his own proposal hahaha and tried to change plans. We couldn't go after because Lucy had committments with her family.

So, he is upset and blaming Irene and I for everything, I messaged him last night for some work thing and I could tell he was upset because he only replied with 'yes' ahhaah

AITAH?

UPDATE:

He made a whole deal about it complaining even with Lucy saying he would never again invite us to anything because we left him hang dry, but he had the choice to continue with the plans even we were not coming, I think he is just trying to create more drama and Lucy basically let me take the fault saying I was the one who told her and claiming at the time she didnt understand it was a direct invitation from him and kind of argue (Irene was there too and take my side but also kind of neutral)

We would have a meeting in a few days and im kind of stressing because I know he would say something and the others would blame me!

My husband and I run a small business together. And I’m not sure what to do anymore. I know people always say you shouldn’t work with your partner, and honestly, I understand now why. But I started this business myself when I was really young, and when it started doing well, my husband eventually quit his job and joined me. So this isn’t something we planned from the beginning, we just ended up building and running the business together.

We have different responsibilities, and one of his main responsibilities is handling customer messages. The problem is that he regularly leaves customers unanswered for HOURS. His other work usually only takes him around 2-5 hours to complete, 5 days a week… and it’s really easy…

The frustrating part is that he’s usually not busy AT ALL. He has a really late sleep schedule. He decides to do his work late at night(10/11pm), so he sleeps late, then wakes up around noon/afternoon, then starts his day late again. It’s a cycle for 4 years.

I’m already up early working and replying to customers myself. When he’s awake, there are also plenty of times when he’s just scrolling on his phone or playing games instead of replying.

I don’t mind that he sleeps late as long as he gets his own work done before i wake up, but ngl IM ANNOYED because by the time I go to sleep and wake up(I wake up really early to finish my work for the day), he’s still not in bed, since after he’s done doing his work, he just scroll or play his game. Sometimes I really need him to get up earlier to help me pack orders because I simply don’t have enough time to do everything myself. I don’t even mind if he wakes up at 9/10am, BUT NOON? AFTERNOON? It’s just too late when I need help. And mind you he has THE WHOLE DAY to do his work??? I don’t get why he always push until he’s tired to start his task.

“Why don’t you wake him up?” I DID ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! It takes me multiple tries and a lot of yelling to wake him up some days I don’t have the energy to do all that everyday. He set an alarm but he always go back to sleep.

He makes my work so much harder and im always behind because of him. I work 12hrs+- a day that’s why i need help from him to reply to customers. Honestly i feel the responsibility to reply is on him since i can’t manage.

I’ve brought this up with him many times, but I don’t feel like anything is really changing. Sometimes he does but only for a day max. Im not kidding.

I’m already start to feel really resentful about it. Other than this, he is a wonderful person and husband but i just feel like his laziness and procrastination affecting our relationship. What should i doooo help

Over 18 months ago (and with the absolute blessing of my husband) I started planning an exciting trip to Europe with my sister. We will be away the best part of 5 weeks and the trip is coming up very soon. This is not the first overseas trip I've taken without my husband. He is not into long haul flights but he has always said he is happy for me to travel without him.

We have a couple of senior dogs who are starting to become more of a handful and I am mindful that he will have to manage them solo while I'm away. One of the dogs has a serious medical condition and it is not beyond the realms of possibility that he may need to be ethanased soon.

As departure day is getting closer my husband has started dropping little 'comments' into conversations. Comments that are a bit passive aggressive in relation to me soon skipping off and leaving him to bear the load alone. So far I have been letting them go.

I know he would never ask me to cancel or postpone the trip. Nor would I do that to my sister. Whist we have travel insurance, cancelling because you have an elderly pet that has become a handful and your husband isn't up for the hassle is not covered !

A week or so ago we did have a conversation along the lines of me being very mindful that he is being left bearing the brunt and acknowledging that it's not going to be easy. I also encouraged him to take a couple of weeks off work (which he's requested off). So it's not like we haven't spoken about what lies ahead for him.

The advice or input I am looking for is this. I want to acknowledge the somewhat snippy little comments when they are made - but in such a way as to not inflame the situation but to ensure he is aware that I "hear them" and don't find them helpful. Please help with ideas or suggestions on how to put it to him.

I met my friend Lauren through her boyfriend at the time, Jake. Jake and I worked together and became really good friends. Since he was dating Lauren, she naturally became part of our friend group and eventually she and I became close too.

Lauren and Jake had been together for a while, but their relationship was rocky. Lauren wanted to settle down, while Jake liked going out drinking and staying out late. He also had a history of being flirty with other girls and it caused a lot of arguments between them.

About a year ago, another friend and I found out Jake had kissed another girl at the bar. We debated whether or not we should get involved, but eventually decided Lauren deserved to know.

That was basically the final straw for her. She broke up with him and moved out. The aftermath was incredibly messy, but our friend group essentially ended up supporting Lauren. Because of everything, my friendship with Jake ended.

That was difficult for me because while I completely understood why Lauren didn't want to be with him anymore, Jake had always been a good friend to me. I didn't necessarily want to cut it off, but with how ugly everything became, I felt like I had to choose.

It's been almost a year since then and now Lauren is the one who always wants to go out.

At first I didn't think anything of it. Honestly, I thought it was good for her. She was newly single after a bad relationship and finally able to go out, have fun, and do whatever she wanted without worrying about someone else. I'm not against partying, I like going out every once in a while. But eventually it started feeling like.. a lot. It started reminding me of Jake, which was weird since partying was one of the biggest things Lauren couldn't stand when they were together.

I never said anything though because she was single. Iff she wanted to go out every weekend, that was her business.

But then she started dating Evan.

They've only been together a few months, but he's genuinely a great guy. He's fit into our friend group really well and I've gotten to know him enough that I consider him a friend too.

Lauren didn't really slow down after they got together, but again, I didn't think it was my place to judge her. Then we went on a girl trip...

We went out to the bars one night and Lauren was drinking a lot and started to get flirty with other guys. And then she kissed one of the guys.

That's really what made me start looking at the whole situation differently. The partying by itself wasn't that serious to me, especially when she was single. But now she's in another relationship and she's going out all the time, flirting with other guys, and kissed someone else. Feels very similar to the behavior that caused so many problems between her and Jake.

I don't think that makes what Jake did okay. He still wasn't good to her, but I can't help feeling weird about the fact that I lost a friendship with him partly because I chose to support Lauren. Now she's doing some of the exact same things.

I also feel bad for Evan because I actually know him now. When this happened with Jake, we believed Lauren deserved to know. It feels hypocritical to suddenly decide its none of my business just because this time Lauren is the one who did it.

At the same time she's my close friend, and I don't want my lingering feelings about losing Jake as a friend to influence what I do now.

Do I talk with Lauren and tell her she needs to tell Evan? Do I tell him if she won't? Or am I getting too involved in their relationship? And am I wrong for feeling like she's slowly turning into the person she used to complain the most about?

Hello fellow THT and redditers. I M(25F) have a friend (31F), I’ll call her B, we have been friends for going on 3 years now. I met her through an ex bf ( her bf and him were in the same friend group) and we hit it off! Ex and I broke up 8 months in but her and I remained friends. During my relationship with him, she would vent to me about her current relationship (I’ll call him P, 30M) and I feel like looking back on it, she opened up to me so much partly because we were close but also because I am really one of the only people she has that is not connected to him. The two of them have been together for 12 years and pretty much share the same friends.
The more she opened up to me the more I realized how horrible he really was. This past year in 2025, there was a situation between the two of them that I deem emotionally abusive on his end. To provide as little detail as possible into their personal life, he basically said he wasn’t in love with her anymore and he was going to leave. He did this twice in a 3-5 month span without warning or indication beforehand (timeline is foggy for me), each time, providing no clear communication on why he did it just basically wanted her to go along with it? But yk what, she did.
He also cheated on her early in their relationship, and during my time with my ex and after she was suspecting him of cheating.
We would sit on the phone for HOURS. (Literally hours) and she would vent to me and give me extremely personal details about them and their private life. Asking me how to set boundaries with him, how to communicate with him, etc etc. mind you I am 6 years younger, my longest relationship was 5 years and I failed to mention they also have 2 kids together. It just felt like she was asking me for advice far above my scope of knowledge. Why should I, a 25 year old women, have to tell you how to communicate with your basically husband? I encouraged her to get therapy for either just her or the two of them and she always had a reason not to (finances are a thing and therapy is a privilege I understand as well) however they def could’ve found a way he’s not poor..
What really bothered me was the amount of time and energy I would pour into giving her advice, giving her resources, trying to bring her to the gym and help her feel better about herself. Just for her to every single time end up back defending and excusing that man’s behavior to me the next time we spoke… while in the same breath asking me why she is so stressed and how to fix all the other issues in her life😭
I would try and set boundaries with her telling her I can’t talk about him as much or certain topics as much and everytime she would force it.
I feel like I sound like a horrible friend, but I am burnt out on giving her advice she never takes or enforces. Especially when she has had me on the phone for 2/3 hours while I have been going through one of the WORST years of my life. She will also call me everyday and dump on me for at least an hour if I let her, I had to seriously stop her from doing that.
I just feel like I am a dumping ground for her energy and I am no longer in the space to keep receiving it. I have communicated this feeling to her very clearly. I’ve told her as nicely but also bluntly as I could, this takes a toll on me. Still she pushes boundaries and just doesn’t seem to get it, and almost guilts me when I do let her vent by saying she’s basically held it all in cause she has no one else to talk about it with…
I am just burnt out. I just recently moved an hour + away and really want to focus on my new future and finding friends who motivate me and reciprocate energy!!
I guess my question is how do I slowly distance myself in the nicest way possible? She just texted me asking how I am and to potentially plan a call/ hang to see my new place but I feel like she always just wants something from me 🥲 (which is awful ik) I feel like I’m partially the problem here, maybe I’m fully the problem lmk! I don’t want to have to have a convo and hurt feelings but is basically ghosting her really any better? I do love her and don’t want to completely cut her out, but I just unfortunately don’t feel good when we hang or call anymore.
Any advice or shared experience would help!! Sorry this is so messy, this is my current thought stream and needed to finally ask!!

AITA for booking a couples photo shoot in Maui, but wearing a wedding dress and considering it our “elopement”.

I have been searching for an elopement photographer, but it seems like every photographer charges 3-10k for just a quick elopement. I want the wedding photos, but I don’t want to pay that expensive price.

It will just be me and my fiancé and we will do our vows and everything else separately.

Hey all! Longtime listener, love the show. (Michaela i love u 🫶 )

I (30F) have been friends with Katie (30F) for nearly 20 years. While our friendship has ebbed and flowed naturally through the years, I have always considered her one of my closest and dearest friends. I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids when I got engaged, though the pandemic shifted my wedding plans a lot, and I ultimately ended up getting eloped with my now husband. We had a small celebration with just family, however, Katie was one of 3 friends that “made the cut” and was invited to our extremely intimate celebration. She has been invited to everything over the years - birthdays, parties, even my sister’s wedding. She was one of the first people to meet my daughter when she was born last year.

Katie moved to a different state a few years ago, but we remained in contact. I will definitely say that we got together more when she lived in state, but in the last 2 years or so, I’d say we have seen each other a comfortable amount of times for two adult women living in different states. We don’t talk every day, but we have never been the type of people who need that frequent communication. We talked when we talked, we saw each other when we had time, and as far as I knew, there has never been any weirdness in our relationship.

The first red flag that something was “off”, was last spring. To rewind slightly, I saw Katie and her boyfriend, Mark over the previous holiday break. Katie was home to see her parents, and her and Mark came by to visit my husband and I’s new house. I was pregnant with my daughter then, and Katie expressed her excitement to meet her - though acknowledged that it was so weird to see me becoming a mom.

Now, back to spring of last year. My daughter was born, and Katie and Mark offered to come up and bring my husband and I some food to help with the early postpartum days. By now, Katie and Mark had recently been engaged, and we discussed wedding plans and shared our congratulations. I expressed my desires to help her with planning, and anything that she needed. We parted very amicably, and then there was a few month period where we didn’t see each other - mainly due to me being in the newborn trenches for the first time. Regardless, we reached out to each other several times in the months until our next meeting. However, in the interim, I found out a few things that really surprised me.

My closest friend, Sarah, also had a friendly relationship with Katie - though definitely not as close as Katie and I were. Sarah is also friends with a few people who live in the same state that Katie moved to. More so to one person, who I’ll call Ross. (let it be known that I’m aware the cast is getting big, I apologize 😭) One day, Sarah and I were hanging out, and it came out that Mark used to date Ross’s current girlfriend, Rachel. I was a little surprised, because I knew that Katie, Mark, Ross and Rachel had gotten quite close. Sarah then reveals that Katie and Mark were now - or always had been - open, and that the 4 mentioned often “shared” each other.

While I was a bit surprised, it wasn’t due to being closed-minded about polygamy. I couldn’t give a shit who is fucking who. But, what really surprised me, was that I was hearing this secondhand from* *Sarah, rather than directly from Katie. Katie and I have always been super transparent with each other, and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t share it with me. I thought, maybe she just wants to be private, and that’s her choice. It did surprise me that Katie had decided to choose polyamory, knowing Katie had always been the extremely jealous and possessive type. She had even broken up with a guy a few years before due to him asking to be open. But hey, people change, and people are entitled to be private about their sex lives, so I chose to let this go without bringing anything up to Katie.

Another time I was with Sarah, we brought up Katie and immediately she clearly looked uncomfortable. Sarah asked me when I had last spoken to Katie, and I mentioned talking to her earlier in the week, and had seen her about 6 weeks earlier (when she visited my newborn). Sarah asked if anything new was going on with Katie, and I was like, no? It was then that Sarah revealed that, in a conversation with Ross over the weekend, she had found out that Katie and Mark had been married in the previous 2 months. Ross and Rachel, along with a handful of other friends in their state, all celebrated with a dinner after the courthouse celebration. The date worked out to be about a week after my daughter was born. While I was obviously hurt, especially considering Katie attended my intimate courthouse wedding - I acknowledged there was 0% chance that I could’ve traveled state lines with a week old newborn. So I immediately understood not getting an invite.

But what I couldn’t understand was why she didn’t tell me. Why she came to see me a few weeks after being married, and didn’t mention it. It’s not like we spent the entire visit talking about me or my daughter. We literally discussed their engagement and talked planning of her wedding. I was deeply hurt by this, and at the time, I texted Katie and asked her how she was doing and asked how wedding planning was going. She neglected to mention anything about being fully married in the reply she gave me, and I didn’t acknowledge that I knew. Sarah had asked me to please not throw her under the bus because she didn’t want Katie to think we were sitting around talking bad about her. I know it might seem that way from the two situations, but I wish I could express how far from gossip that these conversations were. Sarah and Katie might not be besties, but they’re definitely friends, and these conversations were Sarah and I discussing our shock and sadness of not being told these things directly from Katie and having to find out through others. Sarah particularly was blown away that I didn’t know about the “secret” elopement.

I confronted Katie directly the next time we saw each other in person, about 2 months later. She admitted to getting married, and expressed her regret that she wasn’t able to have me there, but mentioned that my daughter had just been born a few days before and she knew it would be impossible. I agreed, but I didn’t understand why she didn’t just .. tell me. She didn’t have a good reason for why, but I hugged her and congratulated her and Mark and expressed how excited I was for them. At this point, they mentioned that they would be having a big party to celebrate the coming year. My husband and I did the exact same thing after our elopement, so I understood. A whole venue and traditional wedding in our area is break-the-bank expensive (it is everywhere, I guess, lol) and Katie and I have never come from money. I was so excited for them, shared that I would love to help them in any way they needed, and the rest of our day was fun and normal.

Flash forward to spring of this year, my daughter’s birthday. Katie and Mark were invited, and they came and were completely friendly and normal. They gave myself, Sarah, and my sister invitations to their formal celebration at the end of the year. It was a venue that meant a lot sentimentally to Katie, and I cried and told her I was so excited for her big day. I texted her shortly after the party and expressed that I would be happy to help with anything she needed for the wedding. I didn’t hear anything for months.

A few weeks ago, I reached out to Katie again. I told her I was getting so excited for her wedding, and asked again if there was anything I could do to help her. She stated that closer to the date she planned to have a group of her closest friends together to make craft decorations, as well as needing help to set up the venue space. I told her to let me know anything she needed, any day, and I’d be there! During this conversation, I asked if she was planning a bridal or bachelorette party. She directly responded that “it would be too much planning, so no”. My heart fell for her. I didn’t get those traditional parties either, and honestly, I’m still pretty bummed about it.

I decided then that I would throw her something to celebrate her bride status. Let it be known, that at this point I had no assumption that Katie would be having bridesmaids or groomsmen. I assumed this celebration would be very similar to my husband and I’s celebration which was like a big backyard reception. The venue Katie chose made sense for that type of event. Katie and Mark always seemed really casual about their wedding, and again, they repeatedly mentioned financial barriers. So in my mind, this was going to be a big party with food and drinking and celebrating. Also, it never would have crossed my mind that Katie would have bridesmaids and not include me. We have been there for each other for everything over the years.

So, back to the conversation about parties. Feeling sad for Katie, I decided to take it upon myself to organize her a surprise “Bride Party”. I texted Rachel, because her and Katie are extremely close. I told her of my idea, and mentioned I would foot the costs for everything, handle planning and organizing, and just needed help with a guest list and some logistical details of throwing a party in their state. Rachel messaged back with me saying it was a great idea, and this back and forth went for a few days before she went ghost on me. I didn’t think anything of it, because we’re busy adults and don’t need to text every minute of every day. That was, until Katie texted me.

In summary, she said, “Hey OP! I heard from a little birdie that you might be planning me a surprise party! I wanted to let you know that I do already have a bachelorette party planned with my bridesmaids, and Rachel mentioned she was uncomfortable because it felt like you didn’t know. But, you are more than welcome to throw the party you had planned as well!” My jaw dropped. Bridesmaids?? Bachelorette??? Mind you, this was less than a week after the conversation where she explicitly said she wasn’t having any sort of party because it would be too much to plan. I was heartbroken. Not only did she have bridesmaids that I didn’t even know about, but she had lied to me about it. I felt humiliated that I had been texting Rachel these plans, the whole time Rachel was a bridesmaid for Katie and knew that I wasn’t.

I responded neutrally to Katie, letting her know I was so happy she was going to get the celebration she deserved, and that I was sorry if I made her or Rachel uncomfortable, but that I’d leave everything to her bridesmaids as not to overstep. Katie never replied. She did text about something else a few days later, and continued to send videos via TikTok and “like” my posts on social media as if everything was normal. I was absolutely devastated, I’ve spent weeks crying about this whenever I think about it too hard. I talked to my sister and Sarah about it who both agreed it was insanely weird, and super mean-girl energy for Rachel to have acted like “my party” was a good idea while knowing it was redundant. I get her feeling awkward, but she did not have to entertain me at all. She could’ve ghosted the first text and told Katie to nip this right away. At the time, my sister and Sarah were able to talk me off a ledge by suggesting that maybe Katie was just super wrapped up in her life in her new state, and that likely her bridesmaids were her new group of friends. It sucked, but it happens, and we can’t make people want us to be involved. I agreed, and tried to let it slide.

Sarah texted me this weekend to tell me that she was meeting up with Katie to discuss the wedding. For reference, Sarah is part of the wedding in the sense that she is sort of one of the “vendors” (think: catering, cake, photography, music). She previously mentioned to me feeling frustrated because Katie hadn’t mentioned anything to her about the wedding in nearly a year, and she wasn’t even sure if Katie still required her services. She also mentioned never discussing a price, and stated that there was no way in hell she was doing it for free. So, I guess she recently bumped Katie again, and they were meeting up to discuss an official contract. I sheepishly asked if she would be able to pry a bit about the bridal party (ie, how many and who). I got a call from Sarah last night where she expressed her despair around telling me that.. it wasn’t just going to be Katie’s new friends. Katie has 11 bridesmaids. It is a huge spread of coworkers, friends from new state, friends from college, and even five of OUR friends from high school. 4 of whom I introduced Katie to. None of whom have been friends with Katie as long as I have been. And her husband only has 3 on his side so it’s nothing to do with balancing sides. She just.. excluded me. For, what seems to me, no reason.

So, here I am now. Clearly, Katie does not consider me to be as close of a friend as I have always considered her. I just don’t understand why or what I did wrong. Does Mark not like me? Does she think I’m just a boring mom now? Did I do something wrong and not realize it? I have so many questions, and I am so hurt. I feel like my life has been flipped upside down. I never imagined Katie getting married and not standing up beside her. I truly am heartbroken.

So here’s my question, Reddit, Morgan, anyone. Do I confront Katie? If yes, when? Before the wedding? After? Do I just let it go, and let our friendship naturally fade? Do I fully cut her off? Do I go to the wedding? How do I act normally, seeing 11 people who are clearly more important than me to her, standing up beside her? Am I overreacting about this? I know that this is a choice she was fully allowed to make, and I feel like I don’t have a right to be upset with her. But.. I am. I am hurt. I’m hurt that she hid her wedding from me, that she lied to me about the bachelorette, that she left me out of her bridesmaids. That she didn’t even acknowledge it as being fucking weird, even though it is. I don’t know. Cheers x

Hi everyone!
Long-time listener, first-time poster, so please forgive me if I mess something up. 😅
I’m 26F (Sarah), and I’m seriously considering cutting off my father, 53M (Bill). All names are fake.
For some background, my dad and I have had a pretty tumultuous relationship for most of my life.
My older brother was always the “golden child” in a lot of ways. He played sports, excelled academically, and generally seemed to fit what my dad wanted. I played sports too, but I bounced around between different ones and struggled a little more in school. I was still an A/B student, but I wasn’t getting straight As like my brother.
I was also labeled the “rebellious” one because I questioned things and challenged the status quo. I especially hated double standards between men and women. I went to a Southern Baptist Christian school through high school, and I questioned/rebelled against a lot of the religious expectations there.
When I was around 16, my parents’ fighting became pretty extreme. When I was 17, my brother went off to college and my mom moved about an hour and a half away. That left me living with just my dad.
There’s a LOT I could say about those years, but honestly, that’s what therapy is for. 😂 You can probably imagine.
Over the years, there have been plenty of things that have hurt our relationship.
He got married and didn’t invite me to his wedding. I found out about it through Facebook.
He never helped me move.
He never came to my travel sports games, while he always showed up for my brother’s.
At one point, he even accused me of doing heroin because of a medical condition I had.
And so on.
Despite all of this, I continued trying to maintain a relationship with him. I even let him walk me down the aisle at my wedding because I wanted to try to build a bridge between us.
Fast forward to a few weeks before Father’s Day.
He called me. He was obviously intoxicated. For the record, I don’t have an issue with drinking—I have days off where I’ll drink during the day too. That wasn’t really the issue.
At first, we were having a great conversation.
Then, suddenly, he said:
“Wait… who am I talking to?”
I said, “Sarah…”
He responded, “Awww, that’s my daughter’s name.”
I said, “Dad, this IS your daughter!”
This happened three separate times, almost exactly the same way.
That genuinely scared me.
I live about 1,500 miles away, so if something was actually wrong with him, I would need to know whether I should contact someone locally to check on him.
So I asked him:
“If you don’t mind me asking, how are you feeling? How much have you had to drink? Are you home safe? Is your wife home?”
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to ask.
He completely exploded.
He started yelling, “How dare you ask me that? You fucking bitch! Who do you think you are? You’re just like your mother—a bitch who gets all up in my business!”
I hung up the phone crying.
The next day, I called him and tried to talk about what happened. I explained what he had said and how it made me feel.
His response?
He apologized “if it happened.”
Since then, I haven’t really heard from him.
It’s been about three months.
He has occasionally sent me TikToks, but nothing meaningful. One of them was literally a video about how to make rice.
And now I don’t know what to do.
Do I block him and cut ties completely?
Do I reach out AGAIN and try to repair the relationship for what feels like the millionth time?
Do I just leave things as they are and stop putting effort into it?
I’m exhausted from being treated like this.
I’ve tried setting boundaries, but it feels like the second I set a boundary, I lose whatever relationship we had left.
And everyone keeps telling me, “But he’s your dad.”
I know he’s my dad.
That’s exactly why this hurts so much.
So, Reddit… what do I do?
Do I finally let this relationship go, or do I try one more time?
SOS. 😭

I (31F) have been with my husband (34M) for nine years and married for six. We have two sons, ages 6 and 2. Over the course of our relationship, I have been pregnant four times with him, but we have two living children.
Our relationship has honestly been extremely complicated almost from the beginning.
My husband cheated on me repeatedly before we were married and has been unfaithful at different points throughout our nine year relationship.
My first pregnancy ended in an abortion. My husband did not feel ready to be a father, and I went through with it.
About eight months later, I became pregnant again with our oldest son, who is now 6. My husband again did not want to become a father and wanted me to have another abortion. I refused.
During that pregnancy, we went approximately three months without speaking. Eventually he decided that he wanted to try to work things out and be a family.
We made it through COVID, had our son, and eventually got married. We are Jehovah’s Witnesses, and his parents also strongly encouraged us to get married so that our situation would be biblically right.
After becoming parents, we started having problems with intimacy. We were adjusting to parenting, exhausted, and had moved away from our support system.
Eventually we moved back closer to family. My husband later quit his job, and we moved to Atlanta.
Shortly after moving to downtown Atlanta, I became pregnant for the third time.
Once again, my husband told me that he was not ready to have another child.
I was already struggling emotionally, and everything happening at that time sent me into an extremely dark period. I was self harming and struggling with thoughts of not wanting to be alive.
During that incredibly stressful period, I miscarried that pregnancy.
That pregnancy did NOT result in our youngest son. I became pregnant with him later.
After the miscarriage and everything happening between us, our marriage deteriorated further and we separated.
During that separation, my husband slept with approximately 13 or 14 women, went on multiple dates, and at one point made me leave our apartment with our then 2 year old son.
Eventually we tried reconciling.
During this period, one of his friends told him that I had been involved with someone I had previously had a relationship with. My husband believed I had cheated on him. I maintain that I did not cheat on him while we were together. There were things I wasn’t completely honest with him about while we were separated, however, and he believes that because I lied, I was protecting this other man instead of protecting him.
This eventually contributed to a confrontation that became physical and resulted in my husband being arrested.
That incident from approximately three years ago has basically become the center of our marriage ever since.
We reconciled again and eventually decided together that we wanted another child. I became pregnant for the fourth time, and that pregnancy resulted in our youngest son, who is now 2.
While I was pregnant with him, my husband was also dealing with court proceedings related to his previous arrest. During that period, he repeatedly accused me of different things and became fixated on the man he believed I had protected.
He told me that in order for us to move forward, this person needed to experience consequences. He wanted him arrested, financially harmed, to lose his family, or to lose his job.
I ultimately participated in making multiple reports that resulted in this person losing his job. I am not proud of that. At the time, my husband told me that would finally be enough for us to move forward.
It wasn’t.
Afterward, my husband told me that he needed to sleep with other women to get over what I had done and that I essentially needed to accept it.
We separated again. He continued sleeping with other women, got his own place, and had our children part time.
Eventually we reconciled again and moved back in together with our two children.
I also want to be transparent because I don’t want to write this in a way that makes me look innocent in every conflict. More recently, we had another serious altercation that resulted in ME being arrested and going to jail.
So there has now been an arrest involving each of us at different points in this relationship. I’m not proud of my role in how unhealthy and volatile our marriage has become, and I’m not trying to pretend every problem is caused by him.
But this is where I’m struggling.
We are currently living together with our 6 and 2 year old sons and supposedly trying to rebuild our marriage, yet the same cycle continues.
Recently, I discovered my husband telling another woman on Instagram that he was lonely. When I confronted him about it, the conversation eventually came back to what happened three years ago.
That is what almost every conflict eventually becomes.
If I bring up something he is doing now, the response is essentially, “But you did this to me three years ago.”
Another thing he repeatedly tells me is that I need to “find myself,” that I don’t know who I am, and that I need to deal with the grief surrounding my mother’s death.
My mom died when I was 21. This December will mark 10 years since I lost her.
I don’t disagree that losing my mother affected me. Of course it did. I was young, and grief doesn’t magically disappear because enough time has passed. I’m also not opposed to working on myself or acknowledging ways that grief and other experiences may have affected me.
What bothers me is when my grief or supposed inability to “find myself” becomes part of the explanation for why the actual issue I’m bringing to him doesn’t need to be addressed.
If I’m asking why you’re telling another woman you’re lonely, how does telling me I need to find myself answer that question?
If we’re discussing something happening in our marriage today, why are we suddenly discussing my mother or something I did three years ago?
I understand that I hurt him. I understand that lying to him affected his ability to trust me. I have made decisions I regret, and there are things I’ve done that I’m genuinely ashamed of.
But I don’t understand how we can have a marriage where one person’s past actions become a permanent justification for the other person’s current behavior.
Especially because infidelity, separation, instability, and broken trust existed in our relationship long before the incident he constantly references.
We’ve been together for nine years and married for six. We’ve gone through four pregnancies together: an abortion, the birth of our oldest son, a miscarriage, and the birth of our youngest son.
If he genuinely cannot forgive me for what happened three years ago, I can accept that. What I don’t understand is why we keep reconciling, having children, moving back in together, and saying we’re rebuilding our marriage if I am expected to continue repaying the same debt indefinitely.
And now we’ve reached a point where BOTH of us have been arrested at different times because conflicts within this relationship have escalated that far.
We have two little boys watching us.
That’s probably the part weighing on me the most.
I don’t want every conversation about something happening TODAY to become an argument about something that happened years ago. And I don’t want either of us continuing to hurt each other because we’re keeping score over who hurt whom worse.
So AITA for feeling like my husband either needs to genuinely work toward processing what happened three years ago or acknowledge that he cannot move past it?
Should I have more sympathy for the fact that he is still hurt?
Is he right that I need to “find myself” and deal with my grief before I can expect things in our marriage to change?
Or has my past and my grief become a way of redirecting conversations away from his current behavior?
After nine years together, six years of marriage, four pregnancies, two children, multiple separations, repeated infidelity, and both of us having been arrested after conflicts escalated, is this even something that can realistically be repaired?