When in elementary school late 80’s/early 90’s kids might remember the temporary star tats that were supposedly laced with skin-penetrating drugs and if anyone told you they had star tats you were supposed to avoid and report them.
It's been almost 40 years and I'm still waiting for the nice man in the van to pull up and offer me free drugs. I don't even want the drugs, I just want to know why it took drug Santa 4 decades.
"Well, I'll tell you. First I blew all my cash on sending out chain letters. Then I had to get a ton of reconstructive surgery after a razor apple lady got me. Fuck her. Then the devil worshipers. Don't me started on them. Then I got deep into the Dungeons & Dragons. Almost killed myself over it after my level 18 Ranger died. My Dungeon Master was a real POS. I wasted 5 years trying to summon Bloody Mary to get back at that bastard. Then the Y2K bug held me up in the late 90s. Then I spent 4 years locked up in a barn when I met someone over MySpace and I spent the rest of the 2000s in jail when I punched a creepy clown in the face. That whole decade sucked. Then I spent 5 years in a coma after eating some Tide Pods. It's been one thing after another. Brother Man, I'm just glad someone remembers who I am and now that we have mobile dispensaries, --I don't know. Who am I? What is my purpose? Here just take this sack of PCP laced joints from 1987. Take 'em to help me remember who I am. The paper was dipped in LSD. I just need you to take 'em and get on top of that parking garage over there, play a Led Zep vinyl record backwards, preferably Houses of the Holy, and find out if people can fly. I always wanted to know that. Then I'm getting a gig with Dominoes. I heard about this thing called the pizza challenge."
•
u/StaffOfDoom 4d ago
When in elementary school late 80’s/early 90’s kids might remember the temporary star tats that were supposedly laced with skin-penetrating drugs and if anyone told you they had star tats you were supposed to avoid and report them.